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Preferences aren't meant to be inclusive. I won't initiate a romantic relationship or acquiesce to a pursuer I don't like. I also extend the same courtesy to people who might not find be all that hot. My body shouldn't be seen as something everyone should have access to based on their own perception of virtue. I'll sleep at night either way.
6 months, 3 weeks ago on QOTW: “Am I Wrong to EXPLICITLY Exclude Black Men from My Dating Pool?”
Nope. Your bed should be as discriminating as it needs to be for you to be comfortable in it. Height, weight, income, accent, education, distance, family, credit, race, sex, culture, etc is all up for scrutiny. Ironically you'll relax on a few things when you meet men you like and reinforce your standards with ones you don't. Just works that way.
This is a great follow up to another BBW feature about The Ebony Exodus Project.
9 months, 4 weeks ago on Watch a Bunch of Black Women Cheering as Their Pastor Shouts, “These H*es Ain’t Loyal.”
Record execs also make in other genres with black artists. Black people created the genre and the choice to devolve then sell abuse on vinyl was theirs. We hold exotic dancers, sex workers, and porn actresses accountable before the facilitators and consumers. Why not rap artists?
10 months, 3 weeks ago on Before Dr. Dre Sold His Earphones to Apple, He Sold Black Girls Out to Everyone
I know right? He tried it though. I had to chuckle a bit because he only mentioned RHOATL and LHH. Like these shows would even appeal to the demographic that subscribe to this blog. Hell, NWNW should be dead giveaway.
And if Africans never sold their own people blah, blah, blah. It's a slippery slope on both sides. Never understood making black people look like idiots who can't tie their own shoes just to prove white men are so evil.
I haven't listened to the genre in almost 2 decades. Never been sold on psychological and emotional abuse under the guise of entertainment. I don't bother sifting through artists either (don't you hate being told to do that?). Screw'em, 3 Doors Down gets my money.
I also want to virtually flip the bird at the half baked attempt to call out hypocrisy. Since when has this blog been a place to get the latest juice on Bravo and VH1 reality shows? No shade but the women on those shows still date black men exclusively, not exactly a representation of the "character over color" vibe long established here.
Toni, your following perspective is so profound; Black women interpreting "blackness" through masculinity and the need to cling to black men to maintain a black identity.
11 months, 1 week ago on Black Women Who Seek To Eliminate Themselves “Out Of Love”
The play Langston Hughes wrote was a retelling of the biblical story of Christ's birth. Used to go with my folks every year. Had nothing to do with this (continued) promotion of black male absolution.
1 year, 3 months ago on “Black Nativity” Gives Strong Message: Boys need their fathers and we need to forgive.
What happened to keep your hands to yourself? I've never heard anyone discourage men and women from carrying designer handbags or wearing expensive watches to avoid being robbed. We as a society don't see a grey area in taking something that doesn't belong to you. Why violating a body that isn't yours doesn't fall under the same logic is just plain stupid. The veil of prevention is thin, barely concealing victim blaming/shaming. Consider the fact that most victims know their attackers, to the tune of 70+% meaning they will be raped by someone they don't consider a threat to their person. A house full of fellow classmates a victim sees on regular basis would be the last place a threat would be perceived. As adult women we have to stop thinking we can properly advise teens who are growing up in an era we can barely navigate in our 20s, 30s, and 40s.
1 year, 9 months ago on Is Serena Williams a Rape Apologist, or Were Her Comments About the Steubenville Rape Victim Just an Extremely Bad Choice of Words?
1 year, 11 months ago on The Results are In: My 12-Pound Weight Loss!
@Karla I had to laugh because when my girlfriend sent it to me with the same disclaimer I didn't know what to think. The backlash he got was so racist.
2 years ago on Yet ANOTHER Off Topic Thread!! | Beyond Black & White
The title is misleading.
I just don't care. Seriously I don't even consider myself one of "their women". FOH dude.
2 years ago on Since We're Discussing It...The Pot Calling the Kettle ONYX...
This was pretty comprehensive. That is what specified spaces are for. Maybe because the site is targeted to sub-demo of Black women it's assumed that the space is inclusive to all Black people despite having a clear mission.
2 years ago on Brenda55: "Why talk about Black men at all?"
I don't have or want kids but I am someone's child and I didn't appreciate my parents spanking me, plus it didn't work. Grounding and taking away things I liked did though. I can understand parents being frustrated and I know they loved me. But they could have been more creative.
2 years ago on White Man At Odds With Black Wife's Family Over Spanking
@DWB @The_Boss I take it with a gran of salt, they come from a different time. I do love them though.
2 years ago on Time to Own It: My Mea Culpa on No Wedding No Womb 2010
This was a great read!
2 years ago on 'DeepWater'...From Corporate Life To Homelessness To (White Man/Business Partner in Love and Business)
@The_Boss Good, extend the same courtesy those who don't please.
@The_Boss My Dad is awesome, so are my Uncles and Godfathers. Cousins are okay too. But I'm not dating them and being family means I only get their side of the story.
But here is where it gets interesting. When I got out of the military I asked all these men in my family if they knew any nice men I could meet. They all pretty much said they didn't. My fave Uncle: "These n*****s out here ain't about sh*t!". My Dad is sitting right next to him nodding his head. My cousins had a lot more to say later.
Only 2 men in my family don't work in the skilled trades, education, or professional fields, most are veterans, and none of them were comfortable with idea of any men they knew being with me a/o becoming family. Keep in mind these are the men who "screen" anyone I bring home anyway. They keep their lives as family men and Black men separate and this helps maintain their quality of life. I would recommend that approach to Black women.
You are well within your right to be inclusive to black men romantically for whatever reason, but only black (American and sometimes Caribbean) women say it's because the men in their families are great.
Noticed that he didn't plug NWNW in his post about the sexual irresponsibility of Black women either. As if there wasn't a effort on the part of Black women to address the issue. Like you said he knew about and advocated for NWNW but conveniently left it out. Meanwhile on this IR blog sexual responsibility is promoted more heavily than Black Unisex and Black male run sites targeted to Black Women. Am I the only one in the classroom?
I have to stop deleting my own posts. I swear I know the difference between "Delete" and "Reply"-for typo fixes-I swear I do.
Anyway I didn't say anything that hasn't been said before; Divestment and Lessened Proximity.
@Jamila Read it last night, skipped the comment section though.
2 years ago on Suburban Atlanta Communities Seceding from Troubled Inner City Atlanta
@tracyreneejones Then you have internal exploitation by black government officials, criminals, and law enforcement.
Some interesting stuff as I go along:
"According to Sims (1999), high status Blacks in the five large metropolitan areas studied were least likely to isolate themselves from their lower status counterparts when compared to Whites, Hispanics, and Asians. Using both census data and ethnographic data for Chicago, PatilloMcCoy (2000) presents evidence which contradicts Wilson=s (1987) Black middle class outmigration hypothesis. She finds that while the Black middle class has increased in size since the 1970s, it has remained in close physical proximity to neighborhoods occupied by poor Blacks. However, using a unique measure of economic segregation, the neighborhood sorting index, Jargowsky (1996) finds that economic segregation in the 1980s was particularly large and widespread for Blacks and Hispanics. Results of these studies have shown that counter to the expectations of some, rising socioeconomic status has not resulted in a much higher degree of sharing of neighborhoods between Whites and all minority groups (Sims 1999; Massey and Fischer 1999; Denton and Massey 1988; Darden 1987). Blacks and to a lesser degree, Hispanics, continue to live in different neighborhoods than Whites at high levels across all income levels. Thus, the general consensus is that racial and ethnic rather than class status remains the most salient factor in explaining residential location for Blacks and Hispanics. South and Crowder (1998) find that Blacks of all socioeconomic levels are less likely to achieve spatial mobility by moving out of poor neighborhoods."
I can not wait to read up on this. I'll want to do some research so I can discuss this; "What will we see in 20 years?" and "How will class further dictate politics in the black population?"
Oh my goodness really?!
@Toni You already know how I feel about this topic. You have my full support and appreciation.
2 years ago on Recognizing the Necessity and Importance of Dark-Skinned Feminine Beauty Part II
All of this, just all of it!
2 years ago on Why Saying, "You Aaaiight" Can Be So Damaging to Young Black Girls--Peep the Game, Play Smarter.
Miss Israel 2013: Yityish Aynaw
I'm loving the tattoo. I don't agree with everything but I'm not dating women either.
2 years ago on HOT Rainbeau Dishes What's In His Head...Online Dating and TMI
My dream car *sigh*
@Karla Any new frontiers to share?
2 years ago on Fresh, Fresher Thread: BB&W Off-Topic Thread
@wanderingdreamer Never heard of her, I'm really feeling her.
@wanderingdreamer Yes........sick stuff:)
If you like religious fiction with a dark comedic twist I recommend The History of The Devil by Clive Barker. I downloaded the radio theatrical version from my library. Loved it!
@Karla Dad doesn't like mushrooms:( Maybe I'll set some aside for him.
@Karla I didn't know that. I'm going to cue up now. Thx!
@Karla When he blew her into the next room and I lost it and the part where the guy is like "Well, F*** all y'all I'm goin home!" was insane.
@Karla IKR. I'll admit to being quite gung-ho about the "community", still am but it's a lesser priority and from a more practical perspective than before. I'm enjoying being in relationship and cooking and organizing junk drawers and getting good grades and whatever else feels good. I didn't realize how political everything was "inside" so to speak. I can only hope to be as satisfied with my quality of life as you seem to be.
Thinking of making this tonight sans Sausage but I wanted to add another veg, Any ideas?
Has anyone seen House Of Cards on Netflix? I love it!
I think promoting IR to black women has more to do with what it symbolizes than the actual act. I am in an interracial relationship but before that I was engaged in what you could call self -discovery. Nothing major just getting to know the type of person I was; music tastes, hobbies, learning the history of African American women from a non-victim perspective, setting small to larger goals for the new several decades, all in all becoming the kind of woman I wanted to be. It was getting away from a very restrictive (and contradictory) definition of womanhood, learning what causes to support/not support, and a more practical way of effecting change. Expanding our dating options past common racial ID could also mean expansions in other aspects of our lives right? I doubt my current tastes, goals, and comfort with myself would have been the same if I hadn't been honest about what I wanted out of life (and love). Black coed or relationship sources don't promote that kind of self fulfillment, your fulfillment is supposed to come from a different place and that just screams "Mule Mammy" to me. But if I say that then either I've been brainwashed or something is wrong with my negative perception of non-reciprocation. IDK I just had some thoughts in my head.
Black Women: "No Wedding No Womb"
Black Community: "These aren't the droids you're looking for."
2 years, 1 month ago on Episode VI: Return of the Memo for the Ongoing Battle With the GAT-DL
The "Empire" :) I don't even think it's the interracial marriage issue as much as something else. I think it's the idea that there won't be a gaggle of black women to pull political and social resources from. These are the women who act as liaisons between the dysfunctional and the public, If they go away who is going to lobby on their behalf? They aren't going turn to the entertainers and athletes they support monetarily or the old guard politicians who stay relevant by staying vague. I think the black population is the only demographic that would suffer from a lack of female participation politically, socially, and economically. Black women make up the over 75% of the total HBCU student body, they coordinate logistics for every public protest where a Black Man will get credit, and more likely to donate time, money, and items to causes than the black opposite sex. Wouldn't you panic if your gravy train was leaving the station?
2 years, 1 month ago on Thinking Of Moving Abroad? Better Find Out Who’s ‘Packing’ Before You Start Packing!! (INFOGRAPHIC) | Beyond Black & White
@kia There is no parallel between patients refusing service from certain providers and the legally sanctioned racial discrimination up until mid century. Like I said before everything you listed is covered under the 14th Amendment as a violation of Civil Rights and deemed unconstitutional. Seeing "No Black Nurses can care for my son" is not.
2 years, 1 month ago on No African American Nurses To Care For My Baby! What The Cuss?
@Patricia Kayden I understand your concern but no, that wouldn't happen.
@Patricia Kayden A patient can discriminate, the provider can't, that is that is the dynamic regardless of how we feel and suing the hospital isn't going to change that. As long as women get to refuse treatment from male providers, based on comfort not qualifications, then any patient for any reason can do the same. I've been on the business end of selective customers and it just is what it is. Lets also not act like there is an aggregate demand for non black nurses. The fact that so many black women are and continue to have a massive presence in the Nursing profession should be enough to us from jumping off the cliff with this.
@Infinity88 Its not our place to dictate if patients' a/o their parents' requests are valid. If she wins then hopefully all forms of discrimination (gender, sexual orientation, etc.) in service providers will be examined. And don't worry too much, I don't see drive-thrus coming to the Cleveland Clinic.