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Pet peeve of mine: could you please say 'woman' to mean a female human being rather than the adjective dangling without a noun.

6 days, 22 hours ago on Dark Girls Can’t Wear Red Lipstick, Huh? #NoBareLips30 Tells Black Women to Define Their Own Beauty.

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I was thinking the same thing. So biracial kids are now devilspawn?

6 days, 22 hours ago on In This Version of “Rosemary’s Baby,” the Demon Seed is Hosted by an Interracial Couple.

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I'm just discovering amazing gardening tips, including container gardening, on Pinterest! It's like anyone who ever had or saw a good idea, pins it there. Very helpful are tips on which plants grow well together, and which don't. Or how to cut those greens, so it keeps on growing. Awesome resource.

Thanks for the post, Brenda! Great article.

1 week, 1 day ago on Snow Be Damned!! Container Gardening 101

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Thanks! This week, we're clearing out the winter veggies, rejuvenating the soil and getting our spring veggies in! So excited!

1 week, 2 days ago on I’m Loving Swiss Chard for Organic Gardening, and So Should You!

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Haha, mine are like, yes, we planted it, but do you expect me to eat it as well?

That being said, they love carrots, cucumbers and tomatoes straight from the garden, so I am thankful for small mercies. I am going to totally unpack the blender and smoothie-ize my greens. What liquid do you use? Almond milk?

1 week, 3 days ago on I’m Loving Swiss Chard for Organic Gardening, and So Should You!

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Yum! That looks really great! What do your kids think of it? My boys won't touch anythind spinach-like unless forced!

1 week, 3 days ago on I’m Loving Swiss Chard for Organic Gardening, and So Should You!

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Dear John, don't worry about that 6%. It doesn't apply since you are young and flexible enough to consider relocation.

Since you are committed to your goal, then your only real consideration would be how to acheive it. Seems to me, you have two options: either move to a more diverse area, or ramp up your online efforts, and then consider moving once you meet someone who floats your boat! Just this week, we were talking here about the okcupid study/buzzfeed video about how BW online are getting fewer responses - so that may be a potential arena of meeting BW.

Bottom line, since you are statistically-minded, is that it's a numbers game and the more available and interested young ladies you meet (in real or online), the greater a pool you have to choose from to find your future wife.

Best of luck to you.

This advice also applies to BB&W younguns as well.

1 week, 3 days ago on QOTW: White Guy Worried He’s ONLY Attracted to Black Women. Here’s My Take.

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BM got their swirl on in Postwar Europe, so why can't BW?

Anyways, I believe it's a waste of time arguing with these folks when you could be planning your next trip. Honestly, this article is just a more refined way of putiing up a redlight for all those BW who may be curious about opening up their options, coz now if they say "I want to travel and see the world" then dreamkillers could berate them that they really just looking for a white man.

1 week, 4 days ago on Like, Whoa! Black Women Featured AGAIN on BuzzFeed…But In a Good Way.

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There have been BW creating alliances and partnering up before this whole hubub, and there will be more BW doing so during and after. I think BW can either be distraacted by this or let naysayers get distracted by this all while getting about their business.

1 week, 4 days ago on Like, Whoa! Black Women Featured AGAIN on BuzzFeed…But In a Good Way.

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There's a lot right with the article... Yet some of the premises just rub me the wrong way.

Good was, the writer spoke to a lot of different women, and also discussed her experiences. It is precisely these experiences that make me take it all in with a grain of salt.

Firstly No one said that Europe is the promised land. It certainly isn't a homogenous group! Romania isn't Italy, and the raisin-picking of negative instances does in no way reflect the day to day experiences of BW living in France, the UK, Italy, Germany, Austria and any of the other EU member states (+Switzerland).

Secondly, why is no distinction being made between travelling on holiday, or living abroad? I never got the impression from their website that BLack Girls Travel was advocating emigrating permanently from the US. Where did that come from?

And lastly, why write off the thousands of non-black men who want to date BW in the US?

I've had that normal vs exotic conversation with quite a few people, and I think it's a cheap shot to cut the anecdote off in the middle just to make a point about exoticization. Most germans take some form of basic logic in school, so a conversation like that doesn't end with a BW shaking her head at the denseness. People can be brought to the realization that there is more than just their perspective.

I think the biggest point, in its omission (the writer doesn't 'get' because she wasn't born and raised in the US or diaspora), is what a powerful thing it is for a BW to have our beauty validated and celebrated and THEN to return to your home country. Some BW are lucky they don't have to travel far to get it. That aura that you develop is the aura that the Lupitas, Christelyns, Imans, Aleks positively glow with. That attitude of 'of course I am fabulous, if you can't see that, then you need to get your eyes checked' (did you see Iman's latest cover?)

Gone to read the HuffPost article. Thanks for posting and sorry for being long-winded. Don't have time to make it short.

1 week, 6 days ago on Like, Whoa! Black Women Featured AGAIN on BuzzFeed…But In a Good Way.

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This is now the third female celebrity suicide I've heard of this spring. Is this a coincidence? Or do incidences of suicide increase in spring?

PS the domain name "forblackgirls.com" seems to be up for sale...

1 week, 6 days ago on Founder of “For Brown Girls,” and Advocate for US, Karyn Washington Committed Suicide, and I Suck.

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The discussion about African and Caribbean outlook on education differing from a lot of AA parents' view reminds me of Malcolm Gladwell's book, 'The Outliers'.

In his epilogue, he gives a solid intro to colourism in Jamaica. Anyways, he tells the story of his family- his mother won a scholarship to go to highschool because of riots, and how his grandmother found tutoring, who took out a loan from a local shopkeeper to send her daughter away to uni.

Can you imagine living in a country where ONE scholarship is available- this year to a boy, next year to a girl? So if you're born the wrong year, you have no chance... Ok, that was the 40s, but that's how it was in many of the colonies back then. You had to be top in your school and then beat out thousands more top students to get a chance at very scarce opportunities.

Which is why the US looks like an educational paradise for many parents coming from a similar background.

2 weeks ago on African vs. African American: Can We Still Legitimately Claim Racism When Folks that Look Just Like Us Come Here and WIN?!

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I wouldn't even bother: sample size is waaay too small to be representative, and there is not a chance in h*ll that it could be replicated successfully. So meh. Anecdotal, at best.

It was funny though how BM and WW aren't nearly as popular as they think they are...

2 weeks ago on Buzzfeed Does Creative Video On Who’s Most Interested in Interracial Dating. What’s Your Take?

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Yes, clear as mud. After a while, I just started enjoying the beauty of the models used.

I totally didn't hear anything negative about BW. I guess my filter switched to block while I was busy checking out that gorgeous fro!

@tess6914 always keep the BS filter turned to high! I know, I live in Germany, but I filter anything coming at me that doesn't gel with how I know BW to be. At the moment France seems to be going through some anti-immigrant backlash at the moment. If possible, take a dose of BB&W followed by a dose of Lupita twice daily. That's what I do. There is nothing wrong with us... It is them. Might/majority does not make them right.

2 weeks ago on Buzzfeed Does Creative Video On Who’s Most Interested in Interracial Dating. What’s Your Take?

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Same backlash that was directed against Lupita Nyong'o. It seems par to the course.

2 weeks ago on African vs. African American: Can We Still Legitimately Claim Racism When Folks that Look Just Like Us Come Here and WIN?!

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Yup, I got that too. And I am not ashamed to say, I've asked my son the same thing. *smirk*

2 weeks ago on African vs. African American: Can We Still Legitimately Claim Racism When Folks that Look Just Like Us Come Here and WIN?!

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I think it's tricky to police BW thoughts. Who is to judge our motives? What is the difference between me, who through observation that BM were not checking for my fabulousness, and my cousin who was hurt by a BM (despite her fabulousness), coming to the same conclusion?

If the result is opening up options, stringing the net finer, choosing character over colour, then good on every BW who finds that path. I cannot read and break down someone's thoughts and say, "no swirling goodness for you coz your reasons are wrong, come back next year for another scan!"

I think we will find, that once a woman chooses a man of character, regardless of colour, she wouldn't throw that away for an unknown man who happens to have the 'right' skin colour.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on The Great Debate: Should WM and BW Get Together Because Their Same Race Counterparts Are High Maintenance? Some Say Yes

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Hmmm. LOve the greens.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on StarTalk: What’s Your Astrological Power Color?

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I find it scary how it is often Russian women who really go deep into this sort of mind-blown whackery.

Someone with more experience of russian culture, please correct me, but the women seem to be influenced by an ideal that they only have their looks to fall back on, and have to maximize it to catch a man. What she must have endured to get what she believes is an edge!?

So she goes to the extreme of making herself into a Barbie. But who told her that Barbie is what men want or admire or desire?

I think this is kinda her acknowledgement that her alteration hasn't quite brought her whatever she was hoping for. Whether she realizes that she is just getting the freakshow effect, i'm not so sure.

Still, I will concur that it takes a lot of willpower and $-power to go through all the painful surgeries to make yourself look like this. I think that is the grudging respect that she gets from people, that she mistakes for desire.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on WTF?! Human “Barbie” Claims Women are Less Beautiful Because of “Race Mixing”

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She cannot compete either. That is why she is being so nasty to Lupita, in the hopes of getting 'some' kind of attention. Just as repulsive.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on WTF?! Human “Barbie” Claims Women are Less Beautiful Because of “Race Mixing”

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If you take away the repulsive words she uses, she is basically justifying her surgical alterations by admitting she could not compete.

Sad.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on WTF?! Human “Barbie” Claims Women are Less Beautiful Because of “Race Mixing”

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I thought you were gonna call your kids names!! LOL!

Great advice... Also, it is possible to explore and get to like other types of music. Haven't listened to hiphop in years, and I don't feel that I'm missing anything... To tell the truth.

2 weeks, 3 days ago on QOTW: Interracial Relationships and the “N-Word”

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No, don't give up so quickly! Do a Betty Draper, and take riding lessons! Don't let that horse get the best of you!

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Photo of the Day: I Smile, Through Chaffed Thighs.

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You're on to something there Christelyn. It's a complicated kind of shaming (double-edged to shame both WM and AW) shrouded in satire. And if anyone calls the writer on it, then either we are too sensitive, can't take a joke, or not clever enough to 'get' satire, or not 'democratic' enough to support freedom of speech.

You call it for what it is: a load of crock.

A friend once cautioned me to listen very carefully to what people 'try' to frame as jokes. Sometimes what would never wash as normal discourse, often gets a pass when it's a joke.

And if it gets folks laughing often enough, then it slips butter smooth into mainstream.

My question right back at this Anne would be,

Why do you think this is funny?

I could ask Anne, why does she as a privileged WW (with a few gender studies classes under her belt) think she knows better than consenting adults in their private relationships. Of course, she would shrug it off as a joke, or if pressed, whip out her White Girl Tears (TM). Meh.

3 weeks, 3 days ago on White Feminist Pretending To Be “Concerned” for Asian Women Marrying White Men…Yeah Right!

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I don't tweet either, but I was really shocked at the tone of her tweets. So disrespectful and downright nasty! Just because it's Internet, you can't be polite?

3 weeks, 5 days ago on My Take on the Jamilah Lemieux Liberal vs. Conservative Kerfuffle

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Christelyn, would you say if Jamileh's experiences with single-motherhood have changed her opinions on NWNW?

It boggles my mind how she feels that because of her position, that she can talk for "all" AAs. Despite wherever she was born/raised, her very education, and career place her as squarely in the middle class, as she claims NWNW values are. She forgot to check her class privilege at the door.

I notice from the Clutch article, that HER personal goal was to be married before motherhood. So why would she not advocate this for other BW? Another one of those do-as-I-say-but-not-as-I-do types. Oh, the irony of it!

I'm trying to check my Schadenfreude, as I really wouldn't wish the heartache of her relationship-SuperGau on anyone. Maybe you could gently reach out to her and see if she's had a change of heart about NWNW. Hope she doesn't lose her job over this.

3 weeks, 5 days ago on My Take on the Jamilah Lemieux Liberal vs. Conservative Kerfuffle

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From the Gradient Lair:


"Worse, Black men have yet to realize that every time they applaud the media asserting that Black women have “unreasonable” standards, they are suggesting that they themselves are inferior and unable to be the kind of partners that women of other races seek and aren’t called unreasonable for seeking them.

It’s critical to paint Black women as being both undesirable and the CAUSE of said undesirability so that the racism used to shape conversations about our desires, our relationships and who we choose to love will remained unquestioned. And sadly, Black men are the least likely to challenge this racism. Many feel that they have too much to lose in the name of patriarchy if they challenge when this sexist racism is targeted specifically against Black women. The problem is it’s never just about us. Black men busy clapping and agreeing with the media, or worse, become a part of this media (i.e. the recent sexist over at Black Enterprise or Steve Harvey or Tyler Perry or Kevin Hart or Tyrese or Reverend Run or D.L. Hughley…I could go on for at least an hour) they don’t realize that every time they set fire to my identity as a Black woman, they too slowly die from smoke inhalation."

Source: http://www.gradientlair.com/post/38157703504/black-women-unreasonable-dating-standards-bias

3 weeks, 6 days ago on Did You Know? Black Women Are Bashed On You Tube for Page Views.

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@Dandelion100 Thanks for the link! A great trove of thoughtlful essays, that really pulls apart what we are seeing, and reflects on why this is so...

3 weeks, 6 days ago on Did You Know? Black Women Are Bashed On You Tube for Page Views.

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In other cultures, the man is supposed to hold up the woman and children and bring them through the floodwaters (or insert whatever dangers or challenges of modern society).

But BM resent having to do that. They equate that carrying with being 'under'/less than the women of their community. They resent it fiercely. So they will trample us to get a foot up and out of their perceived 'bottom position'.

In order to highlight that they are not under anyone, they wil remind everyone who is at the bottom, who they threw down and trampled to get a leg up. But of course, they cannot say, 'yeah, we threw BW down'. So they cover it up with blame the victim - this fiction that BW deserves to be at the botttom.

3 weeks, 6 days ago on Did You Know? Black Women Are Bashed On You Tube for Page Views.

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It was worth the wait.

I felt it was a bit of dead air time, when you were just chatting away, and the candidates had to stand there while you described them. Was that intentional, to make them a bit nervous?

I would have preferred you describing them to Kurt/Quintana first, then letting them come out and moving straight into the speed-dating segment.

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Episode Two of “Swirlr” is Here!

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Um, where I live, a snappy comeback, once it's not sarcastic or mean, is a sign of a clever mind, plus it's great to relieve tense situations. Sometimes, when you see the humour in things, it's easier to let them go!

Great post!

1 month ago on Recognize Yourself? Five Signs You Are An Angry Black Woman

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A harmless mistake to make...I guess. Kinda funny.

1 month ago on Black Chicks All Look Alike…I Guess…

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One evening, my DH and I were watching a film (think it was Sex and the City, where Jennifer Hudson plays Carrie's assistant), and he asked that very same question. I had to hold my breathe for a minute, because even my usually clueless husband picked up on this: the BW is always lighter than the BM.

1 month, 1 week ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning

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Agree!

And just because BW ask BM to recognize their colorism does not mean we want them to marry us or that we are bitter, vengeful so-and-soes.

1 month, 1 week ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning

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Why would I argue with reciprocity? That's like 'yes, of course'

Unless you are really cute when you argue , then I might just wind you up for fun.

1 month, 1 week ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning

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I'm practising my deep breathing, so I think I'll make it till then.

That was the worst/best teaser ever in that interview! Now I feel a need to see what Quintana gets up to. I hope she sorts that out in the end... How will I survive to see it is another question.

1 month, 1 week ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning

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That was a great interview! Thanks for telling Tyler Perry! Maybe he'll get inspired. 

Now I have to give it to all those respect, who said that BM hear anysort of critique and label the BW complainer angry and bitter.You came across pleasant, charming, humorous and passionate. 

Keep up the good work!

When is episode 2 coming out?

1 month, 1 week ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning

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I like her attitude! She's great!

1 month, 1 week ago on Curvy Fashionista Talks Her Favorite Spring Looks

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I think this is a social experiment to see what the word looks like beside a non-black non-female person... And I totally objectified him by saying he was cute! Aaargh! Sorry Jack!

1 month, 1 week ago on Is Jack Reynor Hollywood’s Latest Irish Fetish? [New Off-Topic Post]

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You may be right. Your Big Wild Love isn't for me because I am already married. Still, I reserve the right to ask questions and play devil's advocate.

I wish you well, and hope you take my questions into account in how you market your course.

I loved the photo of you and your partner. Perhaps telling a little about yourself, how you developped the concept and your experience before launching into the pitch, may have come across more favourably.

"This is my story and what worked for me, I invite you to try it" tends to work better than "this is what is wrong with you, let me tell you how to do it right" on most days of the week. Except maybe Sunday, if you are a churchgoer.

1 month, 1 week ago on Tired of Feeling Like the Dude? BB&W Fan and Friend, ‘Nicole Abundance’ Gives Lessons in Femininity

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I think if you are a woman, you are already feminine. There are many ways to be feminine. I would like it to be about discarding the elements that do not let the natural you shine.

Lurking wrote above, about the tactics that BW have to adopt so as not to attract unwanted attention. What if BW lived in a world, where there was no rape, abuse (physical and verbal) in childhood? What if you didn't have to put on a mental shell or extra pounds or baggy unattractive clothing before you step out the door for fear of harrassment? Or to be constantly on your guard for people who want to use and discard you?

I think we've been wearing the armour so long, we've come to think it is a part of ourselves and are terrified and angry with being asked to take it off.

I have to go to class. Keep rocking it ladies and gents. Fascinating discussion!

1 month, 1 week ago on Tired of Feeling Like the Dude? BB&W Fan and Friend, ‘Nicole Abundance’ Gives Lessons in Femininity

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I'm thinking you need to come out of retirement!LOL /dodging daggers/

1 month, 1 week ago on Tired of Feeling Like the Dude? BB&W Fan and Friend, ‘Nicole Abundance’ Gives Lessons in Femininity

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Thank you for sharing your thoughts. To bounce my thoughts off yours:

1) over the last 10-15 years, the idea of beauty has been slowly epanding to include women of colour on the runway. Yes, it isn't representative yet. However, I'd like to point out that in that luxury industry, they tend to follow the money. Right now, they are recognizing the possibilities of the Chinese and rest of Asian market, so they are starting to use More asian models... That's a clear case of following the money.

Secondly, I guess it rankles, but although 12YaS is an American story, the writer and director are not. My question to you is, should a production team reject the best actress for the job because she has the wrong nationality?

As far as I understand, there were several rounds of auditions, in several locations in the US. So, this implies quite a few AA actresses were auditioned. They chose the best. Not based on her skin-colour.

I do believe there is an AA film industry, making movies with black actors for a black audience. Your question may need to redirect to, why are these filmmakers not making stories like 12YaS? And casting AA women?

If you keep pulling up various reasons international directors don't want to work with AA actresses, then how do you account for the various auditions across the country? And also that Alfre Woodard and Quevenzhane Wallis also had parts in this film? They are AA actors.

These various "reasons" are merely speculation that have no basis in reality. Plus it disregards hardworking actors like Woodard and Wallis. And it reduces the acting job to just showing up and having the look and the proper passport.

Filmmaking seems to be about balancing economic considerations with art. The director has a vision that he wants to bring to film, but he knows that if he doesn't get the best actors and get the best performance out of them, then his film will flop and they will not make back their money. Then investors won't invest in the next film and his career is over.

If you look at a director like Steve McQueen, he comes from a background in video art and art film. He is also new to feature films. He didn't know or mean to hurt your feelings. He was just looking out for his best interests.

The Jews get a pass to talk about the Holocaust because they put their money behind it. They founded their own publishing houses and published books, including writers writing about the Holocaust. They became wealthy as a community and fund filmmakers making movies about the Holocaust and so on. Always take what people "tell" you until you can check it out yourself. Think it through and use your logic, ask yourself, what makes sense.

2) and 3) You are also asking yourself, why aren't there any dark-skinned women "glowing like Lupita". Don't stop there, Christelyn said it, Gina said it, the documentary makers of "Dark Girls" said it. Because while people are saying 'black is beautiful', they don't mean 'dark is beautiful' too.

Does your experience or that of your dark-skinned friends support this? Mine does.

I remember Oprah talking about beauty, and how not hearing that they are beautiful make darker skinned girls choose to focus on other 'value propositions' like intellect to get through life.

Can you imagine a little deep-brown girl with kinky hair telling her family she wants to be an actress and getting laughed at, because she is too darkskinned, she should let her lighterskinned cousin dream those dreams. So that little girl may end up I dunno, becoming the accountant/ costume designer/caterer in a production company (just my wild imagination). And her family thinks they're doing a good thing, setting her straight, and saving her heartbreak of the rejections she will face. So they killed a dream, and trimmed a light that was shining.

Whereas Lupita shows what happens when that little girl's light hasn't been extinguished but supported by the whole family. My theory is that this is what irks the naysayers. Her Dad never told her she couldn't. She is always telling that story of how he was glad she got a paying job.

2) about the dearth of stories. Everyone says it, no one does anything about it. I remember Gina was talking about this a while back. I think she went and did a filmmaking course and started making her own short films.

Stories are out there. There are many many slave narratives out there for AA filmmakers to tap into. Even if you don't write your own stories, When was the last time you read a book by a BW writer? Or by a non-black writer about a BW heroine? Or if w

I don't know much about the film industry, but as far as I can make out, making the actual film is the easiest part. Getting the rights to a work, getting funding and then distributing said film is the trickiest. It's about the money.

Or what about pushing into the indie film branch? It is smaller and needs less funds than mainstream. Crowdfunding might be an option... There are ways... It needs someone to put in the energy and effort to seek these out. It's hard work, so just whinging about darkskinned vs lightskinned actresses and AA vs foreign BW actresses and the rest of it, is a lovely distraction. And much easier.

1 month, 1 week ago on Tired of Feeling Like the Dude? BB&W Fan and Friend, ‘Nicole Abundance’ Gives Lessons in Femininity

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