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I dunno, when I was dating, I always had my get-vex money. Which was to pay my way just in case (fill in the blanks). That was just me and my personal horror of having a guy expect more than I was willing to give on a first, second or whatever date.

4 days, 16 hours ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.

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As you have found out, not making that investment does not get you to the relationship level where you are willing to spend money. However, there are lots of low- and no-cost date ideas on the Internet. Use them.

How to get a woman to want to get to know you= the first move. Which could be as simple as smiling at someone.

Don't take things so seriously. A "no" isn't going to change who you are as a person. It's that person's loss. Keep it moving. The longer you dwell on one no, the more you keep chewing on it, the more it will fuel this fear and build up your walls.

4 days, 16 hours ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.

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Christelyn, ROFLMAO... You named the pic thot.jpg!! You are not playing! OMG!

5 days, 16 hours ago on What Pictures Say About You That You Might Not Like…

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Continuing from my comment below...

The DH and I were on a weekend away, and eating out when DH raised an eyebrow about one of the waitstaff in the hotel restaurant. He said he'd fire her on the spot if it were his hotel. I was flabbergasted, and demanded to know whatheheck he was talking about. He said if it were his hotel, he would not want a person with such bitten-down fingernails to serve his guests.

Those bitten down fingernails are telling me a story... But I'd be interested to hear what the guys have to say about this.

6 days, 16 hours ago on What Pictures Say About You That You Might Not Like…

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Agree. People don't realize how much control they have over their image they present to the world.

Even though that first picture illustrates the point well, i take it as a statement of the photographer though: to present a normally pretty, slim, fit model in rather unattractive terms: the masculine, sexually aggressive pose, the mismatched lingerie, right down to the green lipstick.

6 days, 16 hours ago on What Pictures Say About You That You Might Not Like…

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Basically means that BW producers still have a chance to grab this story and tell it right.

1 week, 1 day ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”

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What I find interesting, was that ancient egyptians used to shave their heads and wear wigs that looked like (let's be honest) lovely 4b-4c wash-and-goes.

1 week, 1 day ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”

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Where I come from, BW often have babies to try hold onto a man. They think the guy will support them along with the child. If this doesn't work, then the try the same tactic with another guy... With a baby, you always have a hook in that guy or at least his family...

2 weeks, 3 days ago on Charles Barkley: “The Black Community Has a Lot of Crooks”

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Agree. When you breed for volume, life is cheap. I've seen that in my own family, in the generation above mine.

2 weeks, 3 days ago on Charles Barkley: “The Black Community Has a Lot of Crooks”

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I dunno. A product junkie is a product junkie regardless of whether her hair is relaxed or natural. It transfers almost seamlessly. And the marketers know this.

2 weeks, 5 days ago on On Selling the Dream of “Good Hair” to Naturalistas…

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I've been doing water-only hairwashing for a while now, with a bit of deep conditioning every now and then... and my 4b hair is also clean and well-moisturized.

2 weeks, 5 days ago on On Selling the Dream of “Good Hair” to Naturalistas…

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Actually the association withpale and fair skin goes back in many cultures. Not just African cultures. In Europe, think of Snow White, this paleness of skin was linked with wealth and not having to work out in the sun. In Asia, many cultures also link this whiteness with beauty.

Unfortunately whiteness was also linked with light, purity, goodness, cleanliness, lack of sin, and then linked up with biblical teachings to justify slavery and colonialism... So quite a few people learned that in order to succeed in these new societies, it was best to emulate that ideal.

2 weeks, 6 days ago on Are African Women More Desperate to Look White Than Black American Women?!

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Because the dis-ease with herself is already inside her head. She carries it with her, regardless of how luxurious her surroundings become.

2 weeks, 6 days ago on Are African Women More Desperate to Look White Than Black American Women?!

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Eh. A bit more complicated since the 70's. With a lot more dark-skinned people entering University and joining the professions, and studying abroad... But ideas on skin colour still haven't shifted. Much.

If you are poor, then you try to make something out of what little you have. Men try to hustle, women try to exploit their looks and youth...

2 weeks, 6 days ago on Are African Women More Desperate to Look White Than Black American Women?!

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I went to look it up, and yes, he has the main characteristics of a beta orbiter. As to whether she has the confidence or the intent to be the hot chick/"emotional vampire" is not 100% clear.

3 weeks, 4 days ago on QOTW: Are You the Backup Booty?

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This guy is addicted to the feeling of being in love. Unfortunately you have picked the wrong person to shower this love on. I would recommend cutting back and then cutting this lady out of your romantic life.

A) if you truly want her happiness, then step back and let her live her life with who she thinks will make her happy. She is an adult.

B) it will hurt for a bit (because your brain produces feel-good hormones whenever you see or think about her, and it will take a while to wean yourself off them) but you will get though if you reduce your time with her gradually.

C) you should get back into dating other girls. Just because this one person does not want a relationship with you does not mean other girls will think the same. Plus you have learned the valuable lesson of not pouring out your emotions before vetting.

D) understand that you cannot fix her or make her like you. She already has some issues to work on, and if you were to help her, then you would be her therapist, and not boyfriend material. Which by the way, is what you have been doing.

E) when people tell you who they are, then believe them! Regardless of the blah blah, she TOLD you that (where you are concerned) she wants to focus on child and career. She told you she is dating other guys. So why do you choose not to believe her?

3 weeks, 4 days ago on QOTW: Are You the Backup Booty?

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Didn't we talk about the "beta" attitudes of childish men, "well, I wouldn't want to play anyway?" A while back?

3 weeks, 6 days ago on Propaganda Ramping Up On Black Women Dating and Marrying Interracially

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I laud you Chris, coz I could not make head nor tails put of what this fellow was trying to say.

3 weeks, 6 days ago on Propaganda Ramping Up On Black Women Dating and Marrying Interracially

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Too short?

Vigilance in public.

Boundaries @ work and with friends and families.

No tolerance, no discussion is the best policy, because people too often mistake discussion for a chance to change your mind. Or to treat you like you are either a child or not completely capable of handling yourself. So in order to prevent friends, family and colleagues doing this, I don't even let em get started.

1 month ago on This Friday! Let’s Talk Social Consequences of Interracial Dating!

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Have fun y'all. My comment got deleted.

Short version: vigilance. Boundaries. No tolerance, no discussion.

1 month ago on This Friday! Let’s Talk Social Consequences of Interracial Dating!

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Very pretty. That headband is very cute too. I hope you're getting enough sleep... Am I imagining that you look tired?

1 month ago on Creamy, Smooth, Holiday-Photo-Ready Skin and Make Up!

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Spend more time talking to her. as you never know how long you will have her company to enjoy.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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Yes, I see your point.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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Which is why it is important to get this structure set up sooner than later. I would be curious to know what she herself thinks of the situation, and how she sees her life going on. That could be a starting point to connect all those familial demands to what she is capable of doing right now. Looks like baby steps at first, but will be doable.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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I have a friend who is a doctor, who admitted to me that she no longer hears that full signal that her body sends. So she keeps eating, or at least cleans her plate.

Getting joy and satisfaction from food is not bad, but this does not negate the fact that addiction and food addiction is real. Yes, the body is trained, the brain is rewired to get this satisfaction from eating, but where satisfaction moves into 'i have to eat this even if I am not hungry'. Or 'i will eat this and then I will feel better.' Is addiction.

And just because our body says that tastes good, doesn't mean it is good for us. Consider.the amount of €$£ food companies put into making their potato chips look, taste and crunch just right!

I have controversial views on food too: eg. We should probably be eating more fats/proteins and less sugars in order to feel fuller longer.

Otherwise, I think you're spot on.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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I used to be teased too. Back in high school, I'd have rather drunk Pepsi than water. I know.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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Think of three years as gentle withdrawal. Your body will react if you go cold turkey.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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Yeah, it's an acquired taste, but you can acquire it. The thing about milk chocolate,is the sugar content (and the fine print is soo hard to read!) and the fats (milk fats and the healthy nut fats, but still) that quickly adds up. Maybe you could alternate cola and chocolate days.

I found that as I cut sugar out of other areas, the cravings came less often, until one square of chocolate was enough, and then some evenings I didn't need it.

If you feel you've hit a plateau in your cutbacks, don't be afraid to check out a nutritionist or other specialist who can give you targeted advice. I would say thecost would be worth it, to acquire tools and info to improve yourhealth.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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Not cold turkey, but how would cutting back look for you? Maybe switching to cans and having one a day?

Or how about switching your chocolate to an organic 80% dark chocolate? Treat yourself, go for a really good one and treat yourself to a square or two in the evenings?

Full disclosure: I used tobe addicted to Mountain Dew, Doritos and Cheetos. Doritos are now being imported to Germany, so I have to work on that still.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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No interest in learning todrive? How does she get her shopping done?

I think(and this is only my two cents), that if you and other family members close by, they will haveto bring her backinto the fold: calling and visiting every day. I cannot imagine how depressing it must be for her, losing her mother, her lifeline.

Counselling, driving lessons, and some sort of training sooner rather than later, as this may add structure in her life. Having somewhere to go and things to do can help stave off depression before the real grieving work begins.

Does she have her GED? What sort of job/career dreams does/did she have when she was younger?

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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I think we talked here before about how the body acceptance movement, as it relates to obesity, isn't always in the best interest of BW, with the "you go with your sassy overweight/curvy/thick self" rhetoric, when it ignores relevant, blatant health issues. It's what I would file on the okey-doke shelf along with "potential mates should like me only for what's on the inside" among others...

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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I know, but that's really their projection, isn't it?

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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Just watched the video: i am praying for you and your family. I understand that the next three months are going to be about making your half-sis' last days as comfortable as possible and letting go.

How is your niece holding up?

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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I cosign, and have to add: Thank you! Glad to know I am not alone. I think I'm alright for pushing 40, but I'm realizing I have to do more work to keep/get my waist back. I'm not sure if I'm an Apple, a Pear or a rectangle, because of this.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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You may not believe it, but the sugar cravings will go away. It just takes time for your body to adjust. It is not an easy road. I have spent the last year or so cutting down on sugar. First reducing the amount in my coffee and tea, then cutting that out. Afterwards, I stopped eating jam and marmelade every day for breakfast...

My serious cravings are the salty, cheesy, crunchies. So, don't think I'm one to talk: I'm still not there yet. I think just not having that stuff in the house helps, but also having a backup: what can I munch when I feel the craving coming on? I go for rice cakes. And how to treat ourselves when we've had a good week. When I was doing Jorge Cruise's Slim Belly challenge, I really came to appreciate my one square of dark chocolate.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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Other things can give joy too... A nice massage, a mani-pedi, or even a nicer face cream or body lotion. We do not give our selves permission to treat ourselves once in a while, or even regularly.

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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It is only fat-shaming if you make a value judgment about the person BASED on their weight (imho).

I've had a similar control issue dynamic with my son (just about homework, but still). It is so sad, that it gets to be a self-perpetuating cycle...

1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.

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So, Christelyn, if you do Ever work with her again or other celebrities, please don't publicize it. Maybe on the forum, but not out here on the porch, or elsewhere.

Privacy should be the first and last words here. Because we want to put BW interests first.

Yes, IDC issued the challenge, but that marketing gag has now flopped big time, and they'll be on to their next big thing. And Jacque has to cool it for a while. Wasting valuable time (even if she's not planning on starting a family).

I believe she should keep this part of her life firmly private, because once you open this door, people will always be pushing in, thinking they have the right to say something.

1 month ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post

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Agree. Many will see such an announcement as a dialogue, implying some kinda back and forth, or like an invitation to 'discuss' it or seek approval.

1 month ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post

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In your profile pic you're wearing a blue shirt. Why not try out a shirt in that strong blue, and the lighter blue of that stripe? See which ones you prefer. Whichever one pleases you best, ask the shop clerk for the same tone intensity but different colours.

1 month ago on AAWG: The Savage Plan for the Swirling Man

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Meddling? I'm hurt! But look how well you did?!

You have my stamp of approval. Nice dress shoes will elevate a jeans and dress shirt look. doesn't always have to be slacks.

1 month ago on AAWG: The Savage Plan for the Swirling Man

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I agree. A girl's friends would be pulling her off, and calming her down rather than fighting the people holding her back. In Jamaica, people are maybe more cautious because a fight could actually turn deadly...

1 month ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?

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That was her brother. He was saying 'don't pull my sister's hair.' why wasn't he saying,"hey sis, calm down.' Where are the peacemakers? Especially in the second video, that guy filming is giggling like mad, tickled pink that a black girl is 'going off'.

1 month ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?

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Still no excuse for a girl to lift her hand and foot to beat another child of God. Imho.

1 month ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?

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Agree. Sometimes celebrities need to keep the private private.

1 month ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post

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I believe there are lots of ideal men out there, depending on your requirements and where you are looking...

1 month ago on Jim’s Story: He Was Never Going to Be Her ‘IBM,’ But…

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