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Which brings me what I originally wanted to comment, before I listened to CK's video:

Dear OP,

It is NOT about you. Nothing is WRONG with you or how you do your hair. Straight or natural. That's a red herring. If you were bald, it would be something else. It's about this BM. It's a power play. It's about 'how dare that BW be out having a good time without my permission!' But your Boo aint having it.

17 minutes ago on Video: Sick of the Double Standards When Black Women Swirl!!!

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But it should be said ina loud clear voice, so that the date can hear too.

Coz obviously it is more important for Black guy to get in his licks on this "offending" BW than having his date enjoy her evening. That sure is something right there.

33 minutes ago on Video: Sick of the Double Standards When Black Women Swirl!!!

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The only acceptable answer is to throw back at the BM:

Why are you wasting your date's time by harrassing a woman who is a stranger to you?

1 hour, 24 minutes ago on Video: Sick of the Double Standards When Black Women Swirl!!!

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The moment I saw the pictures, I thought, that's not a fair comparison. There are too many differing variables. A more formal study would have compared two women dressed identically, with the same backdrop, where the only difference would be skin colour. I think there have been studies like that, but I'm not sure.

The fact is that people "may" think the way Christelyn outlined, although they shouldn't. In fact, they may not even be aware of the thought process... Because swiping happens so fast, it can really only measure your first reaction, rather than the frontal cortex, which chips in and says, "now Greg, you really shouldn't think that..." it may even be as simple as, wow, she looks like she'd be fun to hang around.

PS- I love your flower.

1 day ago on Leona’s Love Quest : “Sheezus, It’s Hard Out Here for a B*tch!”

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I think I need some help finding some of the movies in that clip. I'm a sucker for IR-BW movies. That's a lot of positive reinforcement.

1 day, 1 hour ago on Issa Rae, Jacque Reid and Others Talk Interracial Relationships on “Nightly Show”

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Coz there's nothing more to be said...

1 week ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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Don't worry about the typos. They can be corrected. But truth must out!

BTW, brilliant. And that about saving face and the mandingo myth as the basis of the ant-IRR jag.... Brilliant. I get it know.

1 week ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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" Black women must un-apologetically wrestle the narrative of black womanhood away from black men."

THIS.

I think after this post, we BW should turn off the Internet and meditate on this for a day... I've been following Mr. West's foolishness only through the BB&W filter. Breathtaking. How do BW in the US  let this person get away with spewing such claptrap? Who is he, that he gets to tell the world the value of BW compared to WW? I'm glad he's not so well known in Europe, coz just ugh.

1 week ago on Want To Know What Black Men REALLY Think Of Black Womanhood? Ask Kanye!

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I like your no-punches pulled style of writing. I get the whole scene as set up, but apart from the clarification on microaggression and othering, I am not so quick to jump on the racist card, or push through to a sweeping generalization of the state of BW-IR relations in the US. I think others have clarified various points well enough.

Still, I do enjoy following the ensuing discussion. The story stayed with me and I freeze framed it several times (Matrix-style) to examine it from several different angles: what would I have done? What would I have said? What is the dynamic of the other players... And so on.

So keep on bringing it, either way, the discussion is awesome!

1 week, 6 days ago on Zara: Asian Men, Black Women…So Undesirable, We Don’t Even Want Each Other

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Most people cover uncomfortable embarrassing situations with laughter, to deflect their feelings of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Obviously THEY were feeling uncomfortable realizing that they had just nosed into Jon making his move on you. Your recounting of the incident doesn't really indicate that they were being racist. 

Could it be that your regret of letting that opportunity for friendship get away, is colouring your memories of the event?


In any event, you were very young. Let it go. At the very least, having this experience has hopefully teach readers what to do in such a situation.

2 weeks, 1 day ago on Zara: Asian Men, Black Women…So Undesirable, We Don’t Even Want Each Other

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... Strains finances an makes it hard to save and build wealth...

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Open Thread: Is Fighting Against the Black 72% Out-of-Wedlock Rate a Lost Cause?

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Statistically problematic, but I get what he is saying.

I think he meant to say that the 72% OOW rate implies that a majority of AA parents (number may not add up to exactly 72%, as a parent may have more than one child) are doing so without marriage. And presumably think it's OK. Although making a generalization is always on shaky ground.

What is more telling, is the reaction of his "nerd" group, so-called educated folks. So even if you think education may alter this mindset, one would be sadly mistaken.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Open Thread: Is Fighting Against the Black 72% Out-of-Wedlock Rate a Lost Cause?

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@PaoloP why do you think this is off topic?


I grew up in a BC, where maybe at least one little boy would have taken the 'sanctioned' chance of hitting a girl (maybe not a white girl, but a girl of same ethnic origin - but that's a whole nother topic). I'm not saying Italy is perfect... but there seems to be a mainstream culture here, that is defining what a man is (that little boy who says, 'because I'm a man' is everything.)

2 weeks, 5 days ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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Doesn't Beyonce have a husband to protect her? Is he saying that JayZ is doing a poor job?

3 weeks, 1 day ago on Zac: “ I wish a muthaf#^%*a WOULD,” and Other Kanye West Observations

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The way you wrote it, sounds like he got the wrong idea!

1 month ago on Zara: “I Don’t Swirl, I Date.”

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It's also a "so you don't think you're better than us" tactic.

1 month ago on For Those Who Think Insults Endear You…Think Again.

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I can't see the video because some of the music rights aren't sorted in Germany. A pity.

Deborrah Cooper is so right on this.

1 month ago on For Those Who Think Insults Endear You…Think Again.

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Great article. Still, I can understand the moment that fostered this term. I've never applied this term to my self or my relationship, but It has a positive sweet connotation/association, which is a good thing generally, plus it's cute, catchy and more family friendly, out in the daylight rather than hushed tones, whispering, "gasp! You like non-black men?"

Thanks for the great hair tips.

And lastly, Zara, I was reading your blog about the date with the Italian guy. Whatever happened to him? Did you tell him off?

1 month ago on Zara: “I Don’t Swirl, I Date.”

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Just watched the video. Thanks for the chuckles. They don't even get that they are butts of the joke. And they are encouraging Frank to go back and keep on making a fool of himself. Hah!

There will soon be a joke going around, "how many IBMs does it take to write a relationship guide?"...

1 month, 1 week ago on When IBM Nonsense Doesn’t Go Over Well with White America

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WW feminists might say their list looks like

WM

WW

BM

BW

1 month, 1 week ago on When IBM Nonsense Doesn’t Go Over Well with White America

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@LuciousPowell Sometimes I think it's that they don't wanna see DARK-skinned BW thrive. Right? Coz only light-skinned women deserve love.

Or "BM don't wanna love you, and no other man should love you either." It's to punish BW for the sin of having dark skin. I say, 'Miss me with that crap!'

1 month, 1 week ago on Take That, Haters! BB&W ‘Circle of Support’ In Action with Wronged IR Couple

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whaddaya mean 'comes of age'? You know those kneegrows will be sharpening their teeth once she learns to walk.

1 month, 1 week ago on Take That, Haters! BB&W ‘Circle of Support’ In Action with Wronged IR Couple

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@jazzyfae45 Aw, you beat me to it. I was trying to think of something along these lines. Good on ya.

1 month, 1 week ago on Take That, Haters! BB&W ‘Circle of Support’ In Action with Wronged IR Couple

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I keep thinking of interview techniques that you could have used with screechy Caller. I think sometimes you have to turn the dialog around and put the questions to them, Socrates style.

The real issue was that this woman was using the opinion of one man (Mohammed Ali) to justify her argument. First off, Mr. Ali was never appointed spokesman for the BC. Secondly, he was a product of his time. He was a young man when Loving vs State of Virginia was passed. So up til he was in his 20s IR marriages were illegal. So he formed his opinions on that topic based on those facts.

And if we always looked to old opinions to justify standpoints in modern life, we would find justifications for women not having the right to vote and people being kept as property.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on WTF? Worst and Most Racist Interview Ever!!

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It's a way to put down the person you are debating.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Conservative White Men Married to Black Women Sound Off on Jesse Peterson Bigotry

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You were right! You said there were people likethis out there, and I kinda believed, but that a black male pastor can be so misogynistic. Takes my breath away.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on WTF? Worst and Most Racist Interview Ever!!

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I was wondering it he was high on his cold medicine.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on WTF? Worst and Most Racist Interview Ever!!

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The big deal about virginity? Shall we discuss women's bodies as commodities?

Virgins are, to a certain segment of men, like unicorns. Either as the inexperienced, pure woman (who will not and cannot make demands or comparisons on their male partner because of lacking experience) or a rarity that is of higher value than other women (check out how jihadis are recruited with a paradise full of ever-replenishing virgins). Mary Magdalene vs Virgin Mary. Jackie vs Marilyn.

In other societies, virgins are considered to have magical powers. More recently, with the onset of AIDS some men went around raping young girls because they believed virgin blood would cure their condition.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on WTF? Worst and Most Racist Interview Ever!!

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I grew up seeing only two happy marriages in my family: my grandparents (though grandpa did have outside children), and my parents. So in my preteens, I was fully prepared for the high possibility that I would not marry. And that if I wanted children I would have to go it alone.

And that's how girl children were raised in Jamaica in the 70s-80s.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on WTF? Worst and Most Racist Interview Ever!!

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I think you handled yourself very well in the interview, especially with the hostile interviewer whose own agenda was clear: blame and shame BW. I noticed that every time you went to rebut his arguments, he went for a break.

The caller JJ was another spectacular example of what happens when people check logic and critical thinking at the door. Mohammed Ali and bone marrow transplant patients as the main reasons against IRR. Jeez.

Chris, I'm glad you remained respectful and firm and didn't let yourself get Cowed. It was actually very educational listening to you rebut these arguments, because you're a great e ample of how to rebut people coming with these arguments while keeping it classy.

Well done.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Conservative White Men Married to Black Women Sound Off on Jesse Peterson Bigotry

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Well, maybe we can shelve her as one of the last perfect TV moms. I've even met people here in Germany who wished she was their mom! LOL!

1 month, 2 weeks ago on It’s Time to Kill Claire Huxtable

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Hey Chris, you've inspired me to go get more lessons!

1 month, 2 weeks ago on What Skiing in Big Bear Taught Me About Interracial Dating Prospects for Black Women

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Hiking in spring, summer and autumn. Skiing in winter. But there's also snowshoeing or cross-country skiing. I guess the important thing is to get out there...

1 month, 2 weeks ago on What Skiing in Big Bear Taught Me About Interracial Dating Prospects for Black Women

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I think it's all about having the right gear! My norwegian host-father once told me that there's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing. If you're kitted out correctly, you won't feel the cold.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on What Skiing in Big Bear Taught Me About Interracial Dating Prospects for Black Women

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Lol! That might be a problem... As the only snow you'll see in SUMMER is up on the glaciers in the Alps. And all the ski instructors will have gone on summer holidays -hiking or lying in the sun!

1 month, 2 weeks ago on What Skiing in Big Bear Taught Me About Interracial Dating Prospects for Black Women

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I posted this right after I read the "what do you know" post. I see you aren't shouting anyone down, so I withdraw that. Interesting debate. Although it is hard to compare the UK and France...

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Don’t You Just Love it When Racists Slip? Fox News Guest, Bob Beckel Equates ‘Intercultural Dating’ with Radical Islam

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Have to stand with Caligirl on this point. And what I know about France = I live 30 minutes away.

People rarely kill in cold-blood without a reason. Insanity is a reason. However, these killers are not insane. They act from a different set of reasoning. Trying to understand what drives these murderers is in no way condoning their acts. It is a part of trying to address the problem so it doesn't happen again, similar attacks can be stopped in time, or preventing other young men from also becoming radicalised.

By simply categorizing this as fuelled by nothing but hatred does none of the above.

And as offended as you may be, It is not ok for you to "shout down" anyone Here, who is contributing to a discussion. Jeez.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Don’t You Just Love it When Racists Slip? Fox News Guest, Bob Beckel Equates ‘Intercultural Dating’ with Radical Islam

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Because BW are starting to resist the BM-Borg.

2 months, 1 week ago on Watch Out for ‘Childmen’ With Pathological Entitlement Issues

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I doubt the Middle East, unless these BM are willing to convert to Islam, ie integrate into these societies. Then marriage isused to "lock" new convertsinto place.

2 months, 1 week ago on Watch Out for ‘Childmen’ With Pathological Entitlement Issues

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So these BM just wasted a few brain cells coming up with this retirement plan: instead of working for it, they are going abroad to get someone pregnant in the hopes that these children and grandchildren will later come find them and shower money on them... Because Asians are cool like that.

I don't wanna knock African or AA BM who have moved abroad and are being upright dads. More power to them. But this hustle is rich.

Firstly, why hasn't it occurred to that guy that these women also have access to abortions? And just because China isn't a member of Hague Convention concerning child support doesn't mean their government won't look out for their citizens' interests, or this situation won't change, or that those kids won't look at them as anything other than deadbeat Dads?

2 months, 1 week ago on Watch Out for ‘Childmen’ With Pathological Entitlement Issues

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I dunno, when I was dating, I always had my get-vex money. Which was to pay my way just in case (fill in the blanks). That was just me and my personal horror of having a guy expect more than I was willing to give on a first, second or whatever date.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.

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As you have found out, not making that investment does not get you to the relationship level where you are willing to spend money. However, there are lots of low- and no-cost date ideas on the Internet. Use them.

How to get a woman to want to get to know you= the first move. Which could be as simple as smiling at someone.

Don't take things so seriously. A "no" isn't going to change who you are as a person. It's that person's loss. Keep it moving. The longer you dwell on one no, the more you keep chewing on it, the more it will fuel this fear and build up your walls.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.

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Christelyn, ROFLMAO... You named the pic thot.jpg!! You are not playing! OMG!

2 months, 2 weeks ago on What Pictures Say About You That You Might Not Like…

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Continuing from my comment below...

The DH and I were on a weekend away, and eating out when DH raised an eyebrow about one of the waitstaff in the hotel restaurant. He said he'd fire her on the spot if it were his hotel. I was flabbergasted, and demanded to know whatheheck he was talking about. He said if it were his hotel, he would not want a person with such bitten-down fingernails to serve his guests.

Those bitten down fingernails are telling me a story... But I'd be interested to hear what the guys have to say about this.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on What Pictures Say About You That You Might Not Like…

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Agree. People don't realize how much control they have over their image they present to the world.

Even though that first picture illustrates the point well, i take it as a statement of the photographer though: to present a normally pretty, slim, fit model in rather unattractive terms: the masculine, sexually aggressive pose, the mismatched lingerie, right down to the green lipstick.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on What Pictures Say About You That You Might Not Like…

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Basically means that BW producers still have a chance to grab this story and tell it right.

2 months, 3 weeks ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”

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What I find interesting, was that ancient egyptians used to shave their heads and wear wigs that looked like (let's be honest) lovely 4b-4c wash-and-goes.

2 months, 3 weeks ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”

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