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Spot on. This is why I do not believe in 'discussing' my life choices with anyone. It seems to make em think they have a stake, and can change my mind, when in reality they don't.

4 hours, 17 minutes ago on Wake Up, Black Women! IRR “Permission” Is Never Coming!

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OOW= out of wedlock

BBW= beyond black &white

BW= black woman/women

BM= black man/men

Stik around, you'll get the hang of it soon!:-)

4 hours, 22 minutes ago on Wake Up, Black Women! IRR “Permission” Is Never Coming!

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That's the funniest thing I've read this morning. Only thing I would love is to see a pic of their twitter intern.

4 hours, 39 minutes ago on People Magazine Shows Racial Shade During Shonda Rhimes Big Network Television Night

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I've read articles about trolls, and what you sayis true. There are a lot of folks out there too, who think it is fun and entertaining to bully and troll while hidden by anonymity. And when tracked down and confronted, they claim it was just innocent fun.

3 days, 1 hour ago on The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife….

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It has something to do with some fear of colonial objectification, fetishization fear of being consumed. I'm not gonna bust a brain cell tryna figure it all out.

4 days, 9 hours ago on Video: Black Women, Capitalize On Your Unique Assets!

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Going to add... And getting enough sleep.

4 days, 9 hours ago on Video: Black Women, Capitalize On Your Unique Assets!

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Um, you ARE beautiful. If you were my best friend, I'd never say that to you, so please don't say that to yourself. Sometimes we have to cut off that inner critic, and stop certain trains of thought from going too far.

4 days, 9 hours ago on Video: Black Women, Capitalize On Your Unique Assets!

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@cns Let us know how it turns out, if possible. My guess is that after the show, Dentist-guy will go back to dating non-black women, but he took one for the GAT-DL  team on the show... and she will go back to being single? But at least she was 'kept away' from the Italian guy...

5 days, 23 hours ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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@Sameriah I think that's the point. Once you have children, you have to make decisions in their best interest. Your mother made a wise but hard decision. And it is good that you are able to look at that and know that you will make different choices.

So it is crucial to choose the best father for your future children. And if the pool is too shallow, then widen the choice, rather than take the best from a bad lot.

6 days, 3 hours ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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@Brenda55 @N2ition I agree and disagree: I don't think their value goes down immediately. Because mothers do most of the caring (even if a woman gives the father his child, most men will pass the child onto HIS mother), they can hide their fatherhood status, claim ignorance or downright lie.

When I was 18 or 19, I had an admirer, who was trying to 'talk' to me, and he let slip that he had a child. As flattered as I was, and as cute as he was, I knew enough not to get into any relationship where there was even a potential of any babymama-drama.

6 days, 3 hours ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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It is his last sentence that sent a chill down my spine:

"A black person has to believe whites are superior in order to marry one of them because their entire culture is driven by RWS."

The writer has a very strange idea of marriage as a connection between someone inferior and superior. Which leads me to wonder who, for him, is the inferior party in an intraracial couple? SMH


With THAT kinda impression of BW, I don't need or want that guy's endorsement of Swirling.

6 days, 3 hours ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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@ChocolateDiva 
The ancestor reasoning kills me too! I try not to laugh too hard in people's faces. They have no clue.


I was reading Tom Reiss' "The Black General"* over the summer, and what struck me, is that our slave ancestors were more concerned about survival under those harsh conditions, and being able to live free and thrive. 




*It's about General Dumas, the father of the guy who wrote "The Count of Monte Cristo", but there was a chapter about slavery in St. Domingue/Haiti where he came from

1 week ago on BB&W Continues to Touch the Lives of Black Women Across the Globe…

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It is practical as an international BW to turn here for advice and support, as the BM we deal with out here in the wider world, are also taking cues from DBR-ratchet BM culture originating in the US. Amina is right: the attitude here is inclusive, and that is why I keep coming back every morning! :-D

I for one would love to hear more from Amina: What's going on in France for BW? What's the general consensus there? I have 1000 questions! LOL!


As for Wing Woman: You work it girl!

1 week ago on BB&W Continues to Touch the Lives of Black Women Across the Globe…

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Nichelle, that excerpt was all ---whoo!-- kinda sexy! And loving that twist out. Thanks for sharing!

1 week ago on IRR Romance: Nichelle Gregory’s “Soul Sweet”

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Exactly! It's what my granny would call a "back-handed compliment". It is along the lines of gosh you are pretty for a black girl. According to ajrock's logic, we should run with the pretty and forget the rest. Um no.

1 week, 3 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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I think the writer didn't realize that all her true feelings would somehow seep out withh her choice of words... Which seems to basically be that she is only comfortable in seeing a certain type of BW in a certain type of role.

1 week, 3 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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Agree. I don't remember any other princes being so broke...

2 weeks ago on First Photos of Keke Palmer Playing Cinderella on Broadway!

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Here's the help you need:

#1 delete your profile on any and all hookup or sex sites. Do this now.

#2 sit down and think about the advice written here.

2 weeks ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.

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On the run this morning, but just wanted to say: There's nothing wrong with what this letter writer has written or the reasons behind it.

Sure, she's angry at the treatment of her mother by her father, and of women by her brothers. She has a right to label that sort of thing wrong, AND decide that she doesn't want it in any man she is seeing.

That's the start of vetting: figuring out what you want in a partner and setting your standards high. Which is the d* special that she stipulated for ever datinga black man. This means, she's not about to give any man a pass based on skin colour, even though she realizes that these qualities would make a BM rare and "special". Good for her!

Dear Letter Writer,

You don't need help with your preferences IMHO. Maybe you need help with your anger. I could recommend taking a dose of BB&W and a sprinkling of Notyourgirlfriday to help with the guilt.

Stay Neutral!

PS- my brothers and cousins are all good looking BM who have women flocking them, and their behaviour helped me learn what kind of behaviour I would never stoop to, to get a man's attention, and what kind of behaviour I will not tolerate in a man. Nowadays, I see most BM as could-be-my cousins, so I too have no sexual attraction either. It's not a bad thing.

2 weeks ago on QOTW: “Am I Wrong to EXPLICITLY Exclude Black Men from My Dating Pool?”

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Great advice! And lovely pics!

Don't knock it ladies, unless you absolutely cannot stand dogs!

And for all the doubters, take a good look around on your next jog or walk about...people with dogs are making contact with each other... For some reason my cat doesn't like the idea of a leash...

2 weeks, 5 days ago on If You’re Single….Get a Dog!

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Love all of these tips! But how to wear those joggers without looking like I've let myself go, or just came from the gym, and when a cropped belly-exposing top is not on the cards?

2 weeks, 6 days ago on Fabulous & Flirty Fall Trends

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@MindybethLincoln LOL! How else were you to get the butter on there? By rubbing the toast on the butter? ROFL

2 weeks, 6 days ago on How Blackistanis Police Their Own: Girl Gets a Beat Down for “Acting White” (And Being Too Light)

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@Christelyn  @zipporah @cspeed @indiestar777 Or listening to Lupita Nyongo's Essence Speech... Or Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie on TEDtalks... :-D

2 weeks, 6 days ago on How Blackistanis Police Their Own: Girl Gets a Beat Down for “Acting White” (And Being Too Light)

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@kennaGransberg This mindset is actually quite rampant in Jamaica. Regardless of the good efforts of the Jamaican educational system (I know I benefitted from it!) to teach a balanced history, you will still have people hopping on any sort of band wagon, that will place the blame for their lack of progress on themselves.

2 weeks, 6 days ago on How Blackistanis Police Their Own: Girl Gets a Beat Down for “Acting White” (And Being Too Light)

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Congrats! Wish you both many years of love and laughter!

3 weeks, 1 day ago on BB&W’s Very Own ‘EarthJeff’ is Getting Hitched!!

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I don't know how my parents did it, I don't remember any particular conversation, but they instilled the values in me that I live by today... and used to vet my husband. Some of it was by example, sticking together, being a loving team, and so on, but also by having me indirectly contemplate what kind of life I would have after leaving home. 

We kids were exposed to lots of books, classical music, art, and what travel we could afford (even if it was mostly pictures, travel reports and maps from National Goegraphic!). So I knew the person I would end up with, would have to have some interest or knowledge in that. That does a lot of weeding out almost automatically of most DBRs.


And I remember automatically thinking that I wouldn't bother bringing home anyone who wouldn't be able to hold a decent conversation with my Dad... what's the point in putting some poor guy (regardless of how cute) into an uncomfortable situation, and me feeling badly for him.

3 weeks, 1 day ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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LOL! I was once standing around in kindergarten, waiting for my son, when a little German kid came and asked me if I tasted like chocolate.

Of course his mom, a friend of mine, was mortified, but I just joked it off, and begged the little guy not to bite me. :-D He got a big kick out of chasing me around trying to bite me!

Was this the right moment to make a speech about fetishizing the black female body? Uh, no.

Yes, there is a connection between colonizers and the bodies of the formerly colonized. Yes, it's still prominent in advertising and media today... But sometimes you have to relax the guards to make a connection with people.

1 month, 1 week ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”

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Interesting discussion.

Well, Matt, the only real challenge you face is to evolve from being the guy who doesn't "really ask girls out" and whose previous relationships "just kinda happened" into a guy who is more proactive (now that you have a clear goal in mind) - it basically boils down to getting out to where you can meet a lovely young lady and ask her out for a coffee or a date.

Because if you're gonna wait for a relationship to just happen with a young BW, despite having youth on your side, you might be waiting a long while. Don't just drift along, hoping to get lucky (you're not a sea anemone), but at the same time, no need to be a shark.

1 month, 1 week ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”

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Love this! And am I old fashioned to love this look with a glamorous red lip?

1 month, 1 week ago on The Importance of Little Mystery: Would You Click On Me?

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Wow! What a great idea! Congrats on the fruition of your hard work!

Kudos also to Chris for her support!

I'm just going to finish browsing here, then I'll be right over to have a listen!

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Heard of “The Swirl World” Yet?

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I wanted to read the rticle, but I got side-tracked by an article about a black woman in falconry. How cool is that? I haven't read the Root in a long while, as it gets teious having to wade through their pseudo-intellectual perspectives sometimes. So, I'll take your word for it, Chris.

All I can say to other non-millenial BW, don't get left behind. Isolation is not the wave of the future.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on As Millennials Support Dating Out, the Black Community ups the “Fetish” Rhetoric

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You r the best! ROFLMBO!

My theory is that BM are so consumed by their imagination of what slavery was, that they want BW to become their slaves! This submissive junk. Girl, bye!

1 month, 2 weeks ago on As Millennials Support Dating Out, the Black Community ups the “Fetish” Rhetoric

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Lovely! Thanks for sharing. The smiles on your faces made my day!

1 month, 2 weeks ago on As Millennials Support Dating Out, the Black Community ups the “Fetish” Rhetoric

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Great post.

Those DBRs take your success, or even your very intent to do it different as a personal attack. And as Letter Writer 2 states, it may get worse, and cutting contact may be a very real option.

I sense your reluctance to consel your own mother. And that's fine. Perhaps you need to make it clear that you cannot take her where you are going, she has to walk on her own... And that her acts of sabotage in public reflect more on her rather than you, and won't dissuade you from your path.

Hang in there.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on “Help! My Mother is a Mammy, and Resents My Desire for a Nicer Life Than Hers!!”

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Uh, I fear for his life once his Jamaican girl watch this! LOL

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Blatant Rejection of “Traditional” Looking Black Women. See for Yourself Why Expanding Your Options is Necessary.

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Yeah, I was gonna ask this too, but that is my own morbid curiosity. I suspect it might be as Chris suggests, a lack of father figure searching "hungry for male attention." If you notice the writer doesn't make any sort of self-reflection, as to why this happened (so it doesn't happen again) ... So maybe a one-night-stand while dating (and discussing future plans) is normal behaviour in her circles. I hope not though.

2 months ago on #NWNW: Don’t Look for the New Man to Clean Up the Mess.

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I remember when I was pregnant, my hormones were all over the place, but still: Can someone explain this part to me please:

I do not at all want this guy that I’m falling for to play any role as a father, I imagined having a relationship with him that was separate to my family life. 

 

2 months ago on #NWNW: Don’t Look for the New Man to Clean Up the Mess.

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I would like to suggest that this guy may be being built up as a 'White Knight'/ 'The-One-Who-Got-Away' in your mind because you regret falling pregnant. The only way to find out if that bridge is burnt, is to have an honest conversation with him. But prepare for the worst. He may not want to father someone else's kids. Or based on his own situation (maybe he is divorced, has his own kids, whatever), he may be willing to give it a shot.

Secondly, I would also suggest that you consider this person's feelings rather than your feelings (how you would feel hurt having him around, but not being with him). I am not sure if you were exclusive with this guy  you were dating, but he may be hurting and angry too. Maybe an apology is in order? More important though, now that your main priority has to be your babies: Can he get over this? Is he going to be okay to have around your babies? Or will he constantly think of that other guy every time he looks at them?

I think it is great that your family has circled the wagons and promised to support you. All the same, I hope you will devise an action plan to move from here. Because once you are a mother, the buck stops with you (not your mum, no matter how experienced she is). 


So many questions unclear here: Does the one-night-stand guy KNOW about this pregnancy? Is he completely out of the picture? Are you, Ms. Letter-Writer, working or at Uni or in training? Do you live at home (with your Mum) or on your own? Will you be applying for extra government support/housing for the babies?


Also PLEASE look into birth control (like an IUD) after the birth. Take control of your fertility. You do not HAVE to walk the same path as your mother with 5 kids. Plus, when your kids are 10, you will be 31. As long as you look after yourself as well as your babies, there is no reason that you could not meet another quality man between now and then. Although you feel emotionally attached to this guy now, he is not your only option. 

So, I hope this doesn't get deleted. This is honestly what I would tell my own cousins (well,with all the Caribbean cuss words taken out). 

2 months ago on #NWNW: Don’t Look for the New Man to Clean Up the Mess.

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I think I had those glasses and that plaid blouse(with a ruffle on the front?) too!

2 months ago on TBT: Más, Mucho Más Menudo…..

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Ratatouille (with the tomatoes, eggplants and peppers) with a fresh cucumber salad (can you have a vinaigrette?) on the side.

2 months ago on Quick! Help Me Create Some Meals with the Massive Harvest!

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Just say, "if I have to research it, I will bill you. Do you know my hourly rate?"

2 months ago on QOTW: “Help! My White Friends Ask My Black Girlfriend Dumb Questions!”

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You are sooo naughty. He's cute in that boy next door kind of way.

2 months, 1 week ago on Have You Seen This Hunk? Nick Bateman Blows Up Facebook.

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It's the lighting, plus the wig/weave overdone to make her look lighter, even before Photoshop.

Plus, is it my imagination: this cover article seems to soothe men's size fears, while the Essence mag up top seems to try to make BW readers anxious: do I have anything that Idris would find sexy? Do I have any ofthose 50 things tat BM love? Heh. All you need to do is look at Black Men magazine to see what BM love. And you know what? You can miss me with all of it.

Kola is right. Nothing more to say here. Other than, why isn't Melody Hobson-Lucas on the cover of Essence, if the main feature is BW being successful?

2 months, 1 week ago on The Unfair ‘Options’ Media Message: What Do These Two Magazine Covers Tell You?

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Not enough info here for me to comment: how old is Sue? What age range does she look for men to date? How old are her kids? Are her kids from one, two or three different fathers? She also does not mention if these other father(s) are in the picture co-parenting, or if she has to run them down for support, etc.

Also, What socio-economic group is she looking to meet someone? Is she a part of said group or hoping to seek entrance to that group?

Would she be willing to broaden her selective focus to include other non-BM who are older, divorced, and/or not interested in having own children?

2 months, 1 week ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.

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Thanks for this info. I was missing this in the post.

So basically, it's a group of BM and their enablers who all sat around a table working out how to get their next movie going. They were probably talking openly about who they want to see in their movie, and somebody turned that into a grading scale and it got into the casting call. How it slipped in, unfiltered is anyone's guess. But I absolutely believe this is what a lot of BM think of women, and BW in particular. It is no longer relevant to ask which came first, this idea or the movies that support it...just yuck.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on Hey, Did You Know Hollywood Grades Black Women Just Like Color-racists Do? Truly WTF-iest Casting Call for “Straight Outta Compton” EVER

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I have to go with Brenda and xRMS as well.

Basic journalism: can you prove that? Sometimes it is all about how you phrase things.

He could have raised a question and found an "expert" to answer it. He isn't qualified to state his opinion as fact. Even one exception (and there are surely thousands) shatters the 'truth' of his claim. He's actually done quite a bit of damage to the credibility of his news station. So they were right to suspend him.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on Unspeakable! New Jersey Reporter Fired for Telling the DAMN TRUTH!

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You know what? Yes, you've made these observations, now put them aside and open up your dating options: Ask a WM (or other non-BM) out for a coffee, make more acquaintances... move on. Do not let this sorrow disable you.


As for your girlfriends, I would advise them to disentangle themselves from the men who are stealing their youth. Because if after 3-4 years, a guy doesn't see me as the person he wants to build a stable, committed family unit with, then he should let me go find someone else. That's awfully selfish to be taking up someone's time like that.


And it's easier to find someone else to share those goals, than to guilt a current boyfriend into popping the question.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on Open Thread: Reader Questions Her Commitment to ‘Black Love’

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Thank you for sharing these stories. It is sooo easy for dissatisfied individuals for various reasons to try and make a BW feel less than, in order to prop themselves up. I have experienced it, but thank God my natural inclination is to keep moving away from these soul-suckers -be it family members or DBR communities.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on It Started with Just a Few Voices, and Now a Cocophany: The Forces Speaking Up for Black Women Are Being Heard, and Some Folks are Scared

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There are a whole lot of issues wrapped up in this article. The emotional numbing, hiding behind bodyfat, definitions of being a lady, or even of growing older. Still, the time is ripe to shatter all those notions...

PS- All the same, it's pointless to attack Chris about this, as we've all seen what she eats, and how she burns it off. To each their own.

It doesn't really matter what you eat on a basic level, if you are active enough to burn it all, you will maintain your weight. If you burn more, you lose weight. What doesn't get burned gets stored as fat. So, yeah Carbs in that don't get burned will lead to massive weight gain. And, yes, plants are also carbs.

2 months, 2 weeks ago on More Black Women Taking Up the Fight to Tackle Obesity

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