Galen Pearl
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I never cared that much about stuff, but I did spend my money on services that would free up my time. I had a housekeeper when the kids were growing up. They were responsible for chores and for keeping their own stuff tidied up, but the housekeeper did the vacuuming and so forth. I also had someone take care of the yard. I still have the yard care, but I do my own housework now. As a single mom in need of a break now and then, I also spent money on good quality sitters so that I could get away for some grown up time every so often.
My most indulgent expenditure was the cabin I bought in the mountains. I've never regretted that at all.
I remember my mom asking me why I couldn't be more like my sister, who, of course, was perfect. I remember not doing things because I couldn't do them perfectly. Also not asking for help because I didn't want anyone to see that I couldn't manage everything.
Fortunately, age takes care of a lot of this, I think. I got to a point where I was too tired to care about being perfect. I let it go and started enjoying my life! Now my life seems perfect to me, whether I am perfect myself or not!
@Lori @galenpearl Lori, the interview is amazing and very exciting. It reminds me of Louise Hay's work. Different discipline but similar connections being made. And from another perspective, a bit more woowoo, it reminds me a bit of Christian Science and even A Course in Miracles. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that the notion that there is a mind/body/emotion connection has been around, and it's so wonderful that science/medicine is moving in this direction. It will improve healthcare so much.
On a separate topic, what kind of name is Abbass? I love to know about names.
Oh I absolutely believe this! When I got to the point that my life wasn't working anymore, my body let me know by sending me to the emergency room...twice! I knew that there was nothing physically wrong with me--it was my wake up call to change my habits. The pain was very motivating and I did what I needed to do to transform my life. I'm so grateful for the connection and the collective wisdom of all these parts!
@Lori @galenpearl Exactly!!
I think my "rule" would be "Wake up!" I've always loved the story of Buddha, who was asked by a passerby who noticed that there was something different about him whether he was a God, or a king, or an angel. Buddha answered no to all the questions. Then the man asked, "Well, then, what are you?" And Buddha replied, "I am awake." If we were all awakened to the truth, then all these other rules would be taken care of. At least that's what I think.
I used to tell my students (many of whom came to law school to change the world) that some of them might indeed do something like that, but that most of us will not be famous for making the world better on a massive scale. All of us, though, can make our little corner of the world a better place. Beginning with ourselves. As Ken Kesey replied when we was asked in his later years what he was doing to change the world, "Well, this year I'm growing asparagus." I have adapted his answer for my own life. "Well, this year I'm growing a joyful spirit."
As the saying goes, the best things in life aren't things. Or at least some of the best things are not things. I love sitting by the creek at my cabin. I like good quality loose leaf tea (and drink several cups every day). I like my birds--finches and a canary--that sing all day long. And I love bacon! I love my grandson's crooked smile, especially if he is smiling at me. I love practicing martial arts. And reading!!
My dad was a pilot in the very early days of commercial aviation. My mom was adventurous and wanted to learn to fly. She dragged a friend along with her to the airport and while she was at a counter asking about flying lessons, my dad walked by in his pilot's uniform. He gave mom and her friend a ride home, and....
My mom always winked at the end of telling this story and added, "And I never did learn how to fly."
I understand your feeling. It is online connection at its best, isn't it? It's moments like this when I am truly grateful for the Internet. Blessings to you.
@Lori Well, as a Southern girl, I would have to say cotton. In fact, I have a beautiful bowl on display in my dining room. The bowl is filled with cotton that I picked myself.
Sometimes the most courageous act is just getting through another day. Pema Chodron wrote that we have no idea what it takes for someone else to open a door. Courage and weakness are sometimes much closer to each other than we think.
Gosh, more examples than I can count. Most recently, events in a family situation worked out in a way I hadn't planned. At first I was impatient and frustrated when things seemed to get off track, but in the end things turned out better because of some "random" events. All of these things had to happen in a certain order and each one was necessary to bring about the miraculously good result. There is no rational explanation for what happened. A miracle of serendipity, definitely.
We all manage in our own way, even though grief itself is universal. What you are doing seems so gentle and self loving to me. In the past, I handled grief mainly through denial and repression. I can tell you that that was not a very healthy approach, and I don't recommend it. I've now learned what you know already. Doing whatever helps us move with and through the grief is better than fighting it or denying it. I do find solace in spiritual practices of prayer, reading wisdom literature, meditation, being with close friends or being in solitude, being in nature, and being physically active to the extent I feel up to it. You seem to have a deep self awareness and intuitive knowledge about what you need. And hopefully, you feel all the love and caring coming your way in person and online. Blessings.
Yes, I have asked for and gotten a sign. Most recently, I experienced nothing short of a miracle and afterwards got a sign to confirm my intuitive understanding of "who" had helped me. Pretty amazing. And YOU are clearly getting a sign that you are loved and supported and encouraged. Blessings to you, my friend.
Like Angela and Elle and others, I don't have an editorial calendar. About twice a week, I sit down to write something and see what happens. I often write down quotes or ideas on sticky notes stuck around my computer, so if I need an idea, I look though these. But often what I think I'm going to write doesn't turn out to be what I actually write. I'm intrigued by all the various approaches people take. Our creative minds work in such diverse and interesting ways!
@Lori I practiced taekwondo for several years and got my black belt about a year ago. Then last summer I became a beginner again and started practicing kung fu and tai chi. I am so loving the tai chi. I hope you get a chance to take some classes in it.
I understand what you mean about wanting your blog to be a "happy place," and not a place that brings people "down." But the only real joy, I think, is joy that embraces the whole of life, including devastating tragedy. True joy comes only from truth, and the truth is that joy is sometimes flooded with grief or sadness. Chogyam Trungpa taught that the heart of a warrior (a spiritual warrior) is the gentle heart of sadness, with a limitless compassion that holds all the truth of being alive. Joy is born of that gentle heart of sadness.
Your blog is "real," in the way that Dr. Alice Chan describes in the comment below. Your being real, even if that "real" is painful, gives others courage and permission to be real, to lean towards the truth. Joy comes from connection, even connection through sorrow. Anything other than being real blocks connection.
Your truth is that your life changed forever when Alex died. I have no doubt that if you could make your life different in that way, you would in a heartbeat. And all who love you would do that for you if they could. Solid ground will likely come and go, expand and contract. As time goes on, it will come more often and be more vast. But knowing how to find it, for you through writing, will give you some sense of regaining your footing in the world that you live in now.
For me, I find my solid ground in meditation, prayer, and even martial arts. Odd for me to say that since so much of my life is and has been about words. Yet my most solid ground seems to be wordless. Go figure.
Blessings to you this day and every day.
Yes, I have. I got through some periods by going into what I called survival mode, doing only the minimum of what I needed to get through the day. Sometimes that was the best I could do. And I waited until things were better, until I could do something more than just survive. And then waited until I could feel good again. And I did. Looking back, I think I prolonged my most difficult periods by doing whatever I could do to escape or deny what was going on. When that finally didn't work anymore, then the survival started and the road to feeling better.