Former Goddess of the Week and dance enthusiast.
@Butterfly123 Exactly. So many WM I know have never dated WW. I used to date a police offer when I was 23 and he was 27. His first love was a BW. And even though she tore his heart into tiny pieces, he still continued to date BW because that's what he grew up around and was attracted to. No fetish, just natural. It happens. I see more and more BW/WM couples in their late teens/early 20s these days in my neighborhood. I live in a hippie suburb of Detroit. lol.
1 month ago on True or False? "White Guys Only Date Black Women After They've Had White Kids with White Women!"
@Aabaakawad Actually, it does happen. My boyfriend was married to a black woman before me and they got a divorce after 12 years. She filed for the divorce. It happens.
My boyfriend was married to a black woman. His first love girlfriend was a black woman too. That's just what he likes. BW are his natural choice. I'm not too fond of his ex wife but that's another story. People always assume that his ex and children are white. Not the case.
@SmartQuietBeauty The bottom line? Be yourself. I've dated white, latino and arab guys when I was a 6 and now that I'm an 8/10. I had gained 10 lbs and was up at like 165 with my last boyfriend who is white. He liked my big butt. But I was not healthy. I couldn't run longer than 3 minutes on the treadmill then. I lost the weight for MYSELF!!! For my health. But the point I'm making here is that a dude will like you for you. I was 165 and 5'2" and my man at the time thought I was hot.
I've got this last bit to drop. My current man is supportive of my weight loss but thinks I look good as I am. Don't think you have to be anorexic to get a man.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on A White Guy's Honest Opinion About Black Women...and Their Weight.
@SmartQuietBeauty I think you should maybe seek some guidance. Consult a physician to make sure you're not getting into the unhealthy zone by trying to get down to 100 lbs. I've had two friends with eating disorders and it's a real problem. I want you to get help if you are. Nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight. I want to get down to 145. I'm around 155/157 right now and continue to drop weight. However, I remember when I was stressed out some years ago and dropped down to 140 lbs and was a size 6. I didn't look healthy. I looked like I lost too much weight too quickly. The goal is balance. Good luck
@Elegance @clmason I agree. My thing is, don't worry about who isn't into you. Go for who IS into you. Being healthy is the key. I'm working to lose 15 more lbs. I will still be curvy at 140/145 lbs. But that is my ideal weight - ideal healthy weight to be exact. My not be what dude is into. Who cares!
I don't bother with men who want skinny or thin. I'm neither. lol. Skinny women shouldn't deal with men who want thick women. Go for what you want!
@SmartQuietBeauty I meant to say that I would look emaciated. I know everyone is different but I hope you aren't developing a disorder.
@SmartQuietBeauty 100lbs? I'm 5'2" and I look emaciated at 130. I can't imagine why you would want to be 100 lbs. That doesn't seem healthy for a woman over 5'4"
Not again! My initial thoughts. lol.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Whoa, Mama! Halle Berry Pregnant...Again!!
@EnJay @Jane87 That's the thing. I don't believe it's true per se. When designers want black models, they do get black models. Of all shades. They do have a lot of the racially ambiguous models but they also have a lot of dark Naomi and Alek types. When I say a lot, I'm speaking in relative terms. I see dark skinned models in Macys and Target catalogs and so on. No where near the amount of Caucasians but I do see them often. So to say because she's lighter that means she has international appeal isn't true. BTW, are we looking at the same model? She isn't very ambiguous. Now Rashida Jones is.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on To Whom It May Concern: Black Skin <em>Is</em> "International".
@Lexi88 I agree. She does have a lot to learn. A huge percentage of the INTERNATIONAL black models are African or darker skinned. Alek Wek. Come on, she has huge global appeal. So does Iman and Naomi and others. What is this chick smoking? I get that a lot of designers and even hollywood types are going for the racially ambiguous look. But when it comes to black runway models, I see lots of chocolate!
@MiseeHarris I'm totally rooting for you. I love to hear stories of women giving back and being the change. Not only are you gorgeous on the outside, your spirit is beautiful. Kudos to you!
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Needs The Bachelorette? Where Dr. Misee Harris Has Found Success
@Browncow Great point. It's funny that over the years I have come to accept and really like the term exotic. It isn't always bad and isn't always sexual. I noticed that white men like my kinky curly hair and dark skin more. And that's fine because it's the skin I'm in and I celebrated. It's good to have someone else celebrate that too. Most men -of all backgrounds- want exotic, attractive women. It's just unfortunate that the black ones tend to not like both. What I mean by that is, white and Arab or Asian dudes will still like women of their own ethnic background as well as the exotics. I find more BM who will only want one or the other.
But I've embrace my exotique factor!! And it rocks.
2 months ago on The Five Stages of Black Woman Grief, Part 1
Hello everyone. I’d like to thank you all for your heartfelt advice, comments and support. I love this group because everyone is supportive and open. You give tough love and sound advice. You also are compassionate.
At this point, I’m not even going to let Ms. Ex stress me. My boyfriend is so good to me and kind. I’m not in the hurry to move or get married. I know he wants to someday but I’m going to see how the relationship with the ex evolves before I fully commit. I haven’t seen the kids in over a month and am keeping my distance and she still has issues. Just the other day, she accused my boyfriend and I of trying to “take my babies away from me.” I accidentally saw the text from her (Yes. I kid you not, his phone was on the seat and I saw my name in the first sentence!).
So anyway, I’m going to move on and learn from this relationship what I can without the stress and see where things go from here. Thank you all!
2 months ago on Question of the Week: "How Do I Support My Boyfriend During Divorce and Custody Drama?"
Interesting post. I know some people who spend their entire day pointing out injustices.
I work on a college campus and one of the shuttle drives is really cool. Well at least I thought. He's an older black man about 65 years old or so. He's always talking about white people. Every conversation is about race. He doesn't even know me. I mean I've had conversations with him. But he expected me to chime in on his racist banter. I was quiet when he started talking about how "they want to see us down." I mentioned to him how in Detroit (where we work) that black men in the city have killed more black men than whites have. Now how's that for keeping us down. For some reason, the older black men seems to jump at the opportunity to be bitter.
I was at a film screening and reception for a docufilm that I had participated in. The crowd was mixed. Me and other under 40 y.o. black woman were sitting at a table. Of course a Mr. Militant had to come sit at our table. He talked the whole time about how white folks want to see us down and how if we youngsters think that we're accepted, then we are naive and blind. I was so tired of him. I'm sure he was waiting for us to chime in but again I didn't and neither did the other young lady.
I can't imagine what he would have done if my boyfriend was there! All of that bitterness and anger is unhealthy and unproductive.
2 months, 1 week ago on Being Prejudiced and Hostile Hurts You The Most
@cns I get it. Well my boyfriend is definitely playing house because he cooks dinner everytime I'm there and even makes me coffee and breakfast in the morning when I spend the night. He even volunteers to take me to work (and I have a car) on his days off. So I guess we are playing house. But he's the wife at times. lol.
2 months, 1 week ago on Question of the Week: "How Do I Support My Boyfriend During Divorce and Custody Drama?"
I miscalculated. I didn’t include the bday party. So it’s only been 4 times.
I do get a long with his family. She and his mom never got along and me and his mom are pretty cool. I actually like his mom.
Thanks for clarifying this “playing house thing.” I always associated this with co-habitating with someone before marriage. So apparently there are different meanings. I guess I also have to figure out what is a committed relationship. Lol. I’m dating someone exclusively with the goal being marriage. I thought that was a committed relationship. But you are referring to marriage I'm assuming or engagement.
Y'all got me learning new stuff. lol
We’ve been together 7 months and I’ve seen the kids 3 times. We definitely limit my time with them. The first time I met them was just to introduce us all during a cultural/museum outing. But even before I posted this question, I told my boyfriend that it’s best I don’t hang out with the kids any more. Most of our dates are during the week so the kids aren’t there.
The ex actually wasn’t as jealous until she and her boyfriend broke up. I mean, she was always a little salty but when her and her man were on the fritz, well, that’s when I started noticing the erratic behavior.
I do have a question for everyone: What does this playing house mean? We are in a committed relationship and I don't live with him. But we are considering a future together. 7 months is a pretty long time for me. I don't do the whole long-term relationship thing too often so I don't get what people have been saying about playing house? He cooks for me and does repairs at my house and feeds my cat. Just wondering if that's considered part of playing house? I'm so confused.
@Lexi88 @kia Oh hell no. I won't babysit for her. lol. I do love kids and mentor a girl and often have my Goddaughter but I do not want to be my man's kids' mom. I am not trying to take her place at all.
I just like making kids happy regardless of their parents. When I first started mentoring, the girls' family was completely strange. I get that its under different circumstances, I just wish people could see the value in these sorts of relationships.
"The only way to truly support a boyfriend during divorce and child drama, is to provide him with a shoulder and ear."
You are right on!
@Joyce345 @kia "Before you marry this man ensure that he has the balls to set up boundaries otherwise you are in for a life of hell where this woman will be running your household! If he will not protect you then you need to be worried."
Ain't that the truth Joyce. I've been analyzing his behavior. He stands up to her but it can be in a passive aggressive manor. So I'm giving it a couple more months to see. I don't feel I'm wasting my time with him because he's an awesome dude, great father and does want to get married. However, I am aware as you said "it is not too late to find a man without kids." I've dated lots of men without kids and none ever treated me as well as he has so I'm doing some comparisons.
But I like what you said here!