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Some black women never got around to learning how unique black womanhood is. They're used to seeing their lives defined either by white womanhood or black manhood that their instinct is to pick one thing (black or womanhood) and wholly disregard the other. 


I think it's sad that black women allow their lives and experiences to be defined by black men. When black women talk "relating to the struggling" it's always, ALWAYS from the point of view of black men. Even the rape and violence against black women  during slavery is told from the point of view of black men, who have the audacity to use this as a shaming tactic to attack black women with.



This level of boldness in co-opting black womanhood for personal gain can only continue for as long as black women allow it to. I imagine the "panic" is coming because black women are visibly tired of the okey-doke and are increasingly slow to fall for it. 


The next phase is getting black women to publicly fall on their own swords while other groups pat them on the head for their "loyalty" and willingness to stay in their lane. Since other groups get shut down when they concern troll black women outright, the hope is that black women puppets will get through in a Trojan horse.


But since some of us are woke (or were never sleep), this too will fail. And for the black women who fall for it... *shrug*


I want all black women to find their happiness and succeed, but some black women are just not going to get it. And even worse, don't WANT to. If these women are too in love with struggling, unhappiness, and shattered fantasies to opt or better things, who am I to get in the way?


For the rest of us, it's just another day of tap-dancing toward our happy endings....

3 days, 12 hours ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

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A special thanks to people who are flagging comments. That makes my job so much easier. 


To the "enlightened" menchildren who have invaded this post as if any woman here is interested in them and their alleged assets.





3 days, 22 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@SirLoinDeBeef @_Toni_


I am crying real tears over here through my laughter because I thought I was the only person that thought of that movie when that comment popped up. What cracks me up is that in the end, the guy chose the very human Melanie Griffith over his robot. Because (surprise) no bot can duplicate the feeling of true love and human bonds when you make them with another human being.


I mean if a cheesy 80s movie can teach you this...


4 days, 12 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@Brenda55 @JustinTC @MGTOW I'm telling you Brenda, some of these women-haters swear that even though they have no interest in us and our concerns that they are entitled to run all over our spaces. Just further proof that DBRism knows no color bounds.


I am sitting over here flabbergasted at the audacity of someone scolding us for MODERATING OUR OWN COMMUNITY. 

4 days, 14 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@JustinTC @Brenda55 @MGTOW 


.... I am going to let this comment stand for the sheer nerve and stupidity of it. But you are gone.


Bye, Justin

4 days, 14 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@Brenda55 @MGTOW


Uh oh...I think I feel a think piece coming on...

4 days, 14 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@hobbes0411 @Brenda55 @Sfbta "Actually, most of us are here to speak about the issues MEN face"


*checks between her legs*


Nope, nothing new has been added. You are definitely lost....

4 days, 14 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@Brenda55 @MGTOW @One n Only I don't know why they think we're playing when we say we will send them packing...

4 days, 14 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@One n Only I'm not particularly bothered what some guys think of myself or other women. It's just I don't understand why you'd post these rants in spaces that are controlled by the persons in question. O_o


You don't see me tap-dancing all over Stormfront.

4 days, 17 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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MODERATOR'S NOTE:


I can see that Chris inadvertently sent up a flare that lured some MRA trolls into our midst. 


...Yeah, we're not interested.


Just because not every black woman here agrees with feminism or aren't feminists themselves doesn't mean we're going to open up this forum to the toxic and hateful thoughts of males with nothing positive or truly beneficial to contribute to our community. We are more than aware that different groups are always looking to use black women for their own harmful reasons, and we're not having it.


If you think this is a post where we're going to allow you bash women, black women, or marriage-minded black women, then you are lost. 


Disagree with the topic? Fine. But keep your disgusting fantasy world where women are all eradicated or replaced by sexbots to yourself. Will not be tolerated. And your comments will be removed. That has nothing to do with feminism or black womanhood and everything to do with you needing a psychiatrist. O_o 



Thanks!

4 days, 17 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@Aquagirl1 @_Toni_ I knew it was coming the minute I saw the title. I'm just now getting around to this discussion but it's important to remember that not all men who show up here are interested in black women. Some of them want a sounding board for their delusions. And some of them just flat out HATE women.


These men are not allies. They are just as DBR as some of the black men who show up; just for a different reason.


This is a community that is meant to discuss difficult topics in a way that helps and benefits black women. If you're not here to do that, you need to get the heck out. And that's as polite as I intend to be on the matter.

4 days, 17 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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Yeah, I'm not interested in hearing your fantasy world where women are replaced by sex bots. That has nothing to do with this topic. Go tell it to the nearest MRA forum...

4 days, 17 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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I think the problem with blaming feminism as a whole for black woman-centric issues is that it ignores that feminism was meant to advance the interests of white women first and foremost. Like the black rights movement, black women have been caught up with pushing for changes that help more privileged groups while lessening their own benefits. As such, you can't be surprised when being a foot soldier in someone else's army doesn't get you the spoils you assumed you were entitled to.


I  also feel that the prospects of black women have been targeted by multiple problems. 


What's interesting to me is that feminism tends to pretend that there's no competition between women for men or that competing for men is bad. These same top feminists often use their own connections to marry the most eligible bachelors within their social circles while preaching something entirely different to far less connected but highly idealistic young women. 


It's a rather devious sort of sabotage if you REALLY stop and think about what these women have done.



At the same time, the men whining about why they don't want to be married and how "women today have ruined everything" are of no concern to me. Some men are always looking to blame other people for their problems, whether it's women, minorities, or both. I tend to let their ranting go in one ear. What feminism did, as I have often said, was give these type of men someone to blame for their own lacking. For many other men, they simply seek out the type of women that suit their marriage interests. Contrary to what some people believe, not every man is on the internet telling anyone who will listen to them that American women are all emasculating harpies and that's why they're forever alone. Some men opt to remain bachelors for a host of reasons, like understanding they simply do NOT have the time or money to be married. But should the right woman appear, they'd be motivated to make those changes.


I think black women pre-occupying themselves with non-marriage-minded and marriage-worthy men is of greater negative consequence than the double standards applied to black women by privileged white feminists. I am not a "Ms. Fix-it" so I really have no interest in hearing from non-marriage minded men. 


I also worry that these type of discussions will lure the kind of men who hate women, have no intention of marrying women, and wish to hijack our discussions to talk about themselves while contributing nothing of use to the women here.

4 days, 18 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@Brenda55 Not to mention how many so-called"feminists" use the patriarchy as a tool against other women and people of color in order to advance themselves. That double standard doesn't go unnoticed and only further damages the credibility of the entire movement.

4 days, 18 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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@MargieC @coco78728 You mean where he talked about his fantasy of having the ex-girlfriend he beat pregnant at the same time as the newly ex-girlfriend he constantly disrespected? I heard about it.


Apparently he's gotten his wish to be a baby daddy. Unfortunately for him, his baby mama is as unbalanced as he is. 


That poor child.

4 days, 19 hours ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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"Not attractive at all"? You know it was some Creature from the Black Lagoon-looking troll that had the audacity to type that out. Any person with a functioning pair of eyeballs can see you are pretty. 


I'm glad you've moved on from this situation with your sanity and self-esteem intact. Hopefully things will improve from here. :)

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Carrie Rebounds After False Start with the ‘Emotional Warrior’

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@Christelyn  @PJDeanwriter IN ATLANTA?! AAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. He could have at least tried to lie and told you he was from some backwater city in Oklahoma. 


ATLANTA?!


What a creep!

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

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@simplylois That relationship is rumored, although the reaction is cracking me up.

3 weeks, 5 days ago on Issa Rae, Jacque Reid and Others Talk Interracial Relationships on “Nightly Show”

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I'm really tired of black women saying "we're at the bottom of the barrel". I feel like sometimes people take opinion as fact when the reality is that YOU determine your desirability.


It doesn't reflect well if all you tell other people is that you're the "bottom of the barrel/totem pole". People who put themselves last don't get chosen.


Just a thought.

3 weeks, 5 days ago on Issa Rae, Jacque Reid and Others Talk Interracial Relationships on “Nightly Show”

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This sounds really cool. :)


Good luck!

3 weeks, 5 days ago on Exciting Announcement: Dani Joins Click, Date, Love!

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Awesome post! :D

1 month ago on Zara: Eight Reasons Why We Love Black Women

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@Marine949 @_Toni_


OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY. XD


Forgive me, I just woke up.

1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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@Marine949


Still not over the fact that she was RESCUED from the rape by a white man (from Holland) but the person went right into, "this man's not accountable for his actions. It's the system's fault".


What was most disturbing about the first-hand account of the victim is that the man CLEARLY knew what he was doing was wrong and enjoyed it.


His attitude and behavior was akin to modern rapists, and I'm struggling to understand why this source would completely overlook this in order to try and paint it as "he wouldn't have raped her if not for slavery".




....UGH.

1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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@Marine949


There has been discussion about this on other BWE spaces.


I went looking for links and I found an article documenting a black male slave raping a free black woman. And the article pretty much went out of the way to excuse the male rapist because "it was the white man's fault".


As I'm in full on CAN'T mode, I am not doing anymore research.



Anyone else want to help him out?

1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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Also, I actually woke up expecting there to be a huge fight or a bunch of trolls in this post, and I'm glad that's not the case. 



1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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Those typos are driving me nuts and there's nothing I can do because I don't have editing powers on the back end.


*timidly*


Could someone get the typos/errors for me please? There's only a few, but they're glaring to me. :((((

1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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@Calypso2


They didn't care, so long as they got her looking as "light and bright" as possible, which they felt made her more desirable to their BM audience.


The idea that they saw nothing wrong with doing that to this dark-skinned black woman makes me want to puke.

1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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@Brenda55 @formeonly


He was telling on himself in that regard. He probably DOES date white women because he hopes it hurts white men's feelings.


Racists are going to feel a certain way...but then, how is he any better when he makes stupid statements like this?


If only people could realize just how dumb they sound.


1 month ago on Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”

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While I was scrolling back through, crying over typos, I saw that Serena Williams cover and I admit it still fills me with rage.


I just want to slap whoever thought that cover was a good idea. 



HARD.

1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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@Allandise Rashire I think BW of a certain age fear the traitor brush.


Many younger BW do not care. They laugh at BM who try to say this, I've seen it.


BM have made their preference for lighter non-BW so obvious to the entire planet that their credibility is non-existent.

1 month ago on Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”

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I'm glad that people understand what I was trying to do with this article. I'm sorry it's so long and I was tempted to split it...but even though it's a LONG one, I felt that everything needed to be said at once.


This is probably the most blunt I've ever been as I usually self-edit quite a bit if you can believe it. 


Understand that I do not think we are at a place as black women where we can afford to be polite, mince words, coddle, and make exceptions.



It doesn't work.



And I think the black women who are trying to do this are pretty much the same ones that are dying off in one way or another. So it will be interesting to see what happens when they're gone.


1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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@jazzyfae45


Oh y'all don't know trolling. I remember how it was when this community was pre-modded and experiencing growing pains.


....It was BAD. :|

1 month ago on Want To Know What Black Men REALLY Think Of Black Womanhood? Ask Kanye!

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@marie_christine2


These issues are known to some black women and brand new to others. Black girls are growing up each year and you never know when they'll come across this site, read an article and have that revelation.


So "shutting up" about it is convenient for some black women because they already know. But some others are just finding out and those emotions are FRESH.



If you don't want to discuss it or approach it or support them, you are welcome to avoid these discussions altogether.



Also, from one lighter black woman to another, recognize that owning your privilege means recognizing that dark-skinned women are within their right to be on their guard against persons who have shade/white/male privilege.


Especially if persons inadvertently use that privilege to try and dictate behavior and the flow of discussion. Not saying you're doing that, but you have to be careful as to not come across as doing that to people.

1 month ago on Want To Know What Black Men REALLY Think Of Black Womanhood? Ask Kanye!

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@trinigirl1 @Neil Marsden I'm getting them approved as I spot them. XD Gonna check the back end.

1 month ago on Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”

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@keimiasmoon OMG, I got my links mixed up. I'll fix it when I get home!

1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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@PoetOfDarkness


It's funny because I was in the middle of writing a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT follow-up post, and then this fell into my lap courtesy of the wave of BM concern trolls.


I'll be getting to that one at some point in the near future.

1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…

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@allie1231 @trinigirl1


I think a lot of it is that black men are under the impression that if they own up to their dysfunction, it would validate white racism.


The problem is that the issues remain, whether white racists say anything or not.


Also, there is a LOT of hard work that must be done to repair the damage. A lot of emotional, mental, and physical heavy lifting.


It's always been easy to put it on black women, the "backbone" of the black community. 



But "easy" doesn't change anything or improve anything....

1 month ago on Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”

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@onmywayup


I had to find this because I couldn't believe someone would be so dumb as to post this mess to the internet. He ended up deleting the comment, probably because he realized just how stupid he looked when conveying this to people outside of his "I hate black women" bubble.


I hope he at least took the suggestion to go find a therapist.

1 month ago on Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”

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Ultimately, I feel this is why we hear from married black men as well as unmarried black men practically demanding we hold up on dating and marrying "out".

The entire agenda serves the exclusive interests of black men.

This is a good part of the reason why these men have no intention of advertising at black women who are interested in them and why they are so invested in who black women date...even though the MAJORITY of BW continue to date intra-racially.

I think the more black women who are sexually fulfilled by white men and open about it, the more threatening it is to the Mandingo Myth that black men hold dear.

What's ESPECIALLY twisted is that the Mandingo Myth was born out of white racism. Black men being hyper-sexualized worked to the advantage of these men and their egos because they enjoy male privilege.

The hyper-sexualization of black women worked against us because of sexism, which is why black men are so comfortable enforcing negative sexual tropes about black women. They have male privilege and are not harmed in the way that black women and girls are harmed.

So when black women declare their desire to be with white men, they view it as a threat to the view that they are the "sexiest" men on Earth and all women want them.

It doesn't matter if white women are chasing after them if BLACK women are telling everyone they are perfectly happy with a non-BM, and especially a non-BM that cannot be claimed by proxy....

1 month ago on Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”

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So basically I unloaded in the new post, but I just want to re-post a point I made here as I feel it's relevant:


"...You can’t go around telling the world that you are God’s gift to women and “all white men have small peens” and then not end up with egg on your face when BLACK WOMEN date/marry white men.


Hispanic/Italian men are “forgivable” to black men because black men can “claim” these men by proxy.

But much of the concern trolling of white men and black women comes from the need to claim sexual superiority. This is why black women who are with white men are attacked as gold diggers and “white slave master bed wenches”.

These black men want everyone to believe that a black woman wouldn’t choose a white man unless she HAD to. Her credit must be bad and she’s a desperate money loving whore or she’s a self-hating black woman who is soooo emotionally damaged, she wants to live out some “slave fantasy”.The idea that a black woman could be sexually fulfilled by a white guy is terrifying. 
[T]hese men are used to being supported and cared for by WOMEN. And so the idea that they would be responsible for the lion share of protecting, providing for, and valuing their black women is foreign."


They are afraid black women will make them lose face, and they would rather avoid losing face than losing black women. I honestly believe that’s slightly MORE scary than the loss of financial support."

1 month ago on Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”

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