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What a wonderful story Heather. You write with so much heart that I am instantly transmitted to my own memories of breast feeding. I remember BF being my whole world when my three were tiny, the maker of my schedule, my body, my emotional well being. Now my children are 7, 12 and 14(!) and they still rule my world in many ways. :-)
Something in your story strikes a chord with me. It is the bigger perspective that you have gained... the desire to parent your daughter with strength and sanity even though things haven't looked the way you would have liked. You are giving her your best and you realize that that is all, and yet everything, you have to do as her mother. I want to tell you that it never changes. You may not be able to control this particular situation, but your attitude will save you and her. And, rest assured that there will be many many opportunities to nurture your daughter at your chest when she is hungry... Like when she cries into your arms at age 12 because of a friends hurtful words. Or when she crawls into your bed at age 14 (her body the same size as yours) to get some stress relief from an upcoming history exam... When I hold my children in these ways, I may as well be offering my breast, the love and nurturing energy is precisely the same.
Your connection to your daughter can not be compromised by your failures to nurse because you have the right mind. I admire your wisdom at this early stage of motherhood. Keep up the good work.
Oh! And by the way, my now 12 year old daughter, Elsie had a terrible time latching on with jaundice and worisome weight. I had terribly sore nipples and a screwy milk supply. We finally solved the problem by getting her cranial sacral work that opened her jaw up such that she could latch properly.
Be well mama!
2 years, 2 months ago on Breastfeeding When It Don’t Come Easy, Our Story