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@SavageTango This is all very nice, but still generalizing. You are ignoring the fact that these things may not be the experience of every black woman. So when a white guy meets me and just assumes I must be the one responsible for clothing and feeding my entire family that bugs me because how does he know this is the case at all? Why not get to know me and my story first before complimenting me on my "strength".
4 months ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@_Toni_ @janet28 Great response Toni. What I find curious is that despite her black boyfriend, black "best friends" and mixed-raced nieces and nephews, she has learned nothing and cares nothing about the black experience and has no tolerance for the notion that this experience may be radically different from her own.
@RhondaSpeights @GetMeOutofBlackistan Yeah. Something about it seemed fishy to me. Of course colorism is a huge issue in our community and there's a lot of hurt and resentment on both sides, but it still seemed odd. So I googled it and "thesmokinggun" website looked into it and they reported on the conclusion of the investigation (it happened in Rock Hill, SC):
"...But a subsequent investigation of the incident has determined that the girls had actually squared off over a boy, according to a police spokesman. As a result, cops may charge the younger girl with filing a false police report. Additionally, both teens could face disorderly conduct charges.
Officers are preparing a supplemental police report that will update the actual motive for the fight, as well as any criminal counts lodged against the combatants (who would be charged as juveniles under South Carolina law)."
5 months, 3 weeks ago on How Blackistanis Police Their Own: Girl Gets a Beat Down for “Acting White” (And Being Too Light)
So, I don't know if anyone has done an update on this - but I just read that the police investigated and found out that the alleged "victim" lied. She was not randomly attacked for "being light skinned" and "acting white" - she and the other girl had been feuding over a boy and that's why they got into a fight. Police also want to charge the "victim" with making a false police report.
Seems that this crafty little wench tried to use colorism as a ruse to deflect from why she was really injured and to garner sympathy! I guess she's learned to use racism to her advantage. smh
This is awesome. I won't be able to make this trip due to work, but please tell me there are more coming! I have been trying to find an [international] travel group for black women and the fact that we get to check out the "local offerings" is a nice bonus!
1 year, 8 months ago on Want To Marry a Kiwi Guy? New Zealand is Ripe for IR!
This is great. I can't wait for your book!
The Two that stood out for me were:
The couple who were kicked out of the London hotel - I thought, even back then, that the UK (and Europe in general) was far more progressive in race relations and interracial couplings than America, so that was interesting to read; and
Doris Day not congratulating her father on his interracial marriage - I wonder if she ever came around and accepted it.
2 years ago on Swirling in History Part Ten: Vintage Swirl
@foreverhopeful You make such a good point about blacks stereotyping other blacks. I used to be guilty of it too - then I realized that the same assumptions I'm making of that black person, someone else might be making them about me too, and it didn't matter how many degrees I had, where I worked, how I carried myself. One of the worst instances of blatant racism I ever experienced happened in a store I went to on my way home from work - in full corporate attire. And the person who treated me discriminatorily wasn't white! It was a cold slap in the face that made me realize that my achievements and lifestyle do not isolate me from being stereotyped.
2 years ago on Harsh Reality: Ghetto-Girl Mentality Has Little to Do With Economics, More About 'Fitting In'
@Toni_M @tracyreneejones @Christelyn I think that the kids in the suburbs, who come from perfectly good two-parent homes, are trying to model behavior that they think is cool and that represents a standard for blackness.
Unfortunately many of the people that teens and young adults are looking up to (musicians, athletes, reality stars) come from broken, dysfunctional environments steeped in ignorance (think of how many rappers grew up in the projects, with crack-addicted parents, were in and out of jail for most of their lives before they hit it big). But these individuals have become popular and they set the trend for what is cool and, unfortunately, what is "acting black". If these are the main images of black people that black kids are seeing in popular culture, they come to associate that behavior and image with what it means to be black.
And it's not just black kids - think of non-blacks, who don't normally interact with black people, who also see these same images and come to sincerely believe that this is the way all black people are! And there are plenty of non-black young people who are modeling their behavior by this standard.
Wow, I had a very different reaction to that story your daughter told about the fight. I thought: "How sad! That girl probably has very serious self-esteem issues and reacted terribly to being humiliated by a boy". Now, of course her reaction was not appropriate, but I can only imagine she's in a lot of pain internally and uses her exterior as a coping mechanism - that includes the weight, the weave and the tough-girl exterior. I guess I'm sensitive to these issues because of where I grew up and how I used to be before high school, but a lot of these girls are dealing with issues that cause them to behave that way. It's just tragic all around and we really need to do better.
Maybe it's my age group (late 20s), but I'm surprised that there are a lot black women with hang-ups regarding oral sex. I only know one black woman who expressed disgust with the act - and that was a few years ago so she might have changed her mind by now. Maybe I just came of age when the act had become "normalized" (kind like how anal sex has become normalized for a lot of teens and early 20s).
But sex, in general, is a normal part of life and, especially if you're in a relationship, an important part. People really should discuss their preferences and deal-breakers before they become serious and definitely before they get married. It must be devastating to find out after the fact that someone is really prudish or has [deviant] sexual desires that you find revolting. I can't imagine a relationship surviving that.
2 years ago on What Black Men Say When Black Women Aren't Around
They did this for publicity, plain and simple!
There is no other topic more provocative than race. If you want to guarantee controversy and page views (or sales) just race bait! Every publicist and PR person in the world knows this.
The publishers of this magazine knew what they were stirring up and they are benefitting from it because yesterday, I'm willing to bet, most of us had never even heard of this magazine. Now, we're all talking about it.
Black people are used as pawns in the media.
2 years ago on White Model in Black Face (or Black Body), a New Fashion Statement?
@Jamila *Defendant's actions (not plaintiff)
2 years ago on Why You Should Care About the Fact that Lil' Wayne Has Disrespected Chris Bosh's Wife, Adrienne Bosh
@Jamila Clean Hands is a legal term. The Clean Hands Doctrine basically says that if you bring claim against another person/entity you must show that you did not play a part in the wrongdoing that you're suing about - basically that you were an innocent victim who deserves some type of relief for the plaintiff's actions.
I just finished an intensive law course last semester and that term immediately came to mind when I was reading this.
I'm sorry, but I really can't bring myself to care about any of the individuals involved in this situation. As far as I can tell this type of trashy/tacky behavior is par for the course in the entertainment industry. Groupies and the men who bed them and sometimes marry them are nothing new, and neither is the gossip and scandal surrounding said people. None of these individuals have "clean hands", as far as I can tell, so there's no one to feel sorry for.
And Lil Wayne is beyond repulsive - he reminds me of that snake-god thing that James Earl Jone's character morphs into in a scene from one of those old Conan movies starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. *shudders*
My mother is the perfect example of this. Most of her life she has been providing some type of support or assistance to her mother, sisters, nieces and nephews and the children of those nieces and nephews. This despite the fact that she has always been struggling to stay afloat herself and, when it comes to my grandmother, despite the fact that she was abused and treated the worse out of all 5 sisters. My grandmother is a selfish woman who mistreated all but 1 of her daughters and my mother took some of the worse physical and psychological abuse from her. Yet, my mother has financially supported my grandmother for the last 20 years or so and every time she needs something my aunts and cousins are calling my mother.
Throughout my life I sat by and watched my mother struggle, get used by her family members and now that she's in her 50s she has very little to show for all the years of toil. I made a firm commitment not to let that happen to me! I sometimes get angry with her and get on her about how she ended up in this predicament mainly because she was taking care of other people when she should have been looking out for us. She thinks I'm cold and heartless because I believe in completely cutting lecherous and treacherous people out of my life, even blood relatives. She refuses to understand my attitude towards her family, despite the fact that one of her own sisters and niece, who she thought she could trust, stole money from her!
Like I said, it won't happen to me. I've learned from all the mistakes my mother has made in her life and done the opposite. I've accomplished a lot education and career-wise, and I'm committed to making wise investments and building wealth for myself and future children. Because of the way my mother handled money I already know that I will have to financially support her in her old age, I don't want my own kids to have to be in that position.
2 years ago on Racial Wealth Gap Is Partially Explained by Blacks Willingness to Help Their Poorer Relatives
Sorry, I skipped over the part where you identified yourself by name.
Thank You, Phyllis.
2 years ago on Letter From a BB&W Reader: "I don’t want someone else to wake up and realize they made a mistake."
Wow. I nearly cried while reading this.
Once I complete my masters in a few months, I'll be embarking on a new and very demanding career with a large corporation. It's one that has tremendous opportunities for financial gain and mobility but I've often thought about what it will do to my social life. I've been thinking about whether I should just look for a similar, but less rewarding position at a smaller company. It's a difficult decision and just the other night I thought to myself: "Well, I guess it doesn't matter anyway - you don't have much of a love life now. You might as well just give your life to your job!" Like the writer, I was beginning to resign myself to a life of loneliness and nothing but work, despite the fact that I really want to be a wife and mother.
This letter has completely turned me around!! It was so poignant and forced me to re-examine my thinking. I need to do something fast. I don't want this to be my regret.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Whoever you are, you just impacted this black girl's life.
I used to get riled-up and indignant about these videos. However, the constant bombardment of this type of thing has just made me weary and brought me to my "aha moment" of clarity. I don't know these people - they are not my relatives, my friends, associates, neighbors...heck, they don't even live in the same city as me. I have no influence on them, why should I allow their behavior to influence me? I can't control what they do and how they do it, but I can control what I do and how I do it. I don't behave this way and no-one I associate with behaves this way. I carry myself with dignity and respect and surround myself with others who are dignified and respectful.
We need to disavow and disassociate from any claim to these types of people and reject any claim they may have to us, simply because we are of the same race/color. Our peace of mind depends on it.
2 years ago on When Hood Boogers Attack, Black Kids Wish They Were White.
Since when is Star Jones and authority...on anything???
2 years, 1 month ago on Why the Star Jones Twitter Fiasco Is the Death Knell of the NBAB Borg Collective
@Christelyn I only mentioned it because of the "Black and Panamanian Union" title. I guess in this instance it was meant as Black American
2 years, 1 month ago on Swirling and Marriage: Candice and Alvaro
This was nice, but umm...there are "black" panamanians (i.e Panamanians of black African descent) - I know because there are Panamanians in my extended family. Actually, most Panamanians I personally know are "black" (which includes those who are mixed). Though I do realize there are many who are Indian/European mixed.
“Tarantino’s behavior reeks more of fascination with the Black experience, complete with an N-word fetish; not respect or reverence. Not to mention, his cavalier use of the word even outside of the film realm (i.e. backstage at the Golden Globes) gives me great, great pause.”
2 years, 1 month ago on Do We Really Owe Spike Lee an Apology?
@Bunny77 Yeah...exactly what I was talking about.
2 years, 1 month ago on "Jezebel" Gives Me a Concrete Example of Why I Hate Some Facets of Modern Feminism
I don't always agree with the pieces on Jezebel (and yes, the writers are often crass and irreverent), but I get the point they are making about the breastfeeding "Nazis".
I don't have any children yet but even I know that there is this tremendous pressure placed on women to breastfeed, and those who don't (or can't) are made to feel like failures and bad mothers. In NYC, after an effort spearheaded by [elitist nanny goat] Mayor Bloomberg, many hospitals have agreed to only provide formula when medically necessary (whatever that means).
We've all have heard about the health benefits of breastfeeding, but there were generations of Americans raised primarily on formula (I'm sure many of us were formula babies) and they survived and thrived. I often think people make too much of the health benefit claims of breast milk. Those who are expecting their breast-fed baby to be some type of genius who is invincible to forms of childhood diseases will be sorely disappointed.
What I think it boils down to is women are being made to feel like they have no choice in the matter, and isn't that what feminism is about - the freedom to choose your own path as a woman?
@Jamila I agree with you about Beyonce - I was underwhelmed by her performance, especially after hearing Kelly Clarkson sing. She looked beautiful, as usual, though.
2 years, 1 month ago on What Did You Think About President Obama's Second and Final Inauguration?
2 years, 1 month ago on Swirling and Marriage: Cynthia and Hatim's Moroccan Wedding
Aw. Happy Belated!
2 years, 1 month ago on Maxi Me Turns 15 Today!
@futureshock Yep! NYTimes also did an identical piece last year. Much of the social ills attributed solely to black people are affecting whites, and people (racists) are realizing that it has nothing to do with race but everything to do with economic disenfranchisement and the break-up of families (especially the lack of fathers in the home).
2 years, 1 month ago on Daniel Patrick Moynihan Predicted the Future of the Black Family But Too Few People Actually Listened
This was a great write-up.
Another great one! Thank You, BBW!
2 years, 1 month ago on Swirling Eye Candy: Victoria and Brad Rose
@Patricia Kayden @ScorpioEnigma09Patricia: They were going to be sued by some black prospects who showed up to a casting call and were summarily turned away at the door. They were basically asked "what are you doing here?" and then asked to leave!
2 years, 1 month ago on ABC's "The Bachelor" is back -- with four Black Women!
I wouldn't get too happy - I know for a fact (don't ask) that ABC has done this in response the racial discrimination complaint that was being filed against them. And there are people behind the scenes, including people close to this Bachelor, who are none too pleased. It's basically a shit show. And I do not prescribe to this thinking that we should just be glad to be invited to the party (despite the fact that everybody there is talking behind our backs and just wants us to leave)!
I'm happy about the cancellation of the show but I groaned when I saw that there is yet another baby on the way for this fool! I think the only way to combat this trend is for each of us to take personal responsibility for the moral development of the little black girls in our lives. I'm not just talking about our own children (if any) but also the nieces, cousins, god-children, next-door neighbors, etc. who we may be able to positively influence.
I have a little godchild who is two years old. I hadn't seen her in a while because I've been busy with grad school. So now that I'm on winter break, I had her come stay with me for a weekend. I was shocked by some of the behavior this little baby was exhibiting. For example, every time she hears someone's stereo she whines and grinds her little booty like a stripper-in-training, she can sing along to some of these songs that I don't even know, she's beginning to speak unintelligible slang and she's just acting really "grown" for a two year old. At first I laughed at the dancing and singing (which was the wrong thing to do because it encouraged her) but then I began to wonder where she was learning that. I spoke to her mother who told me that she does watch a lot of TV and there are several [wayward] teenagers in the house.
And it just hit me that this is how it starts - this is how they become indoctrinated in a culture of negativity (I know, it's obvious). Her mom works a lot and the people who take care of her don't read to her and interact with her in a way that teaches her anything positive. So I decided that I needed to take a more active role in her life. I got her some books and learning toys, I'm looking into getting her into a Head Start program later this year when she turns 3, and I'm committed to having her come stay with me a few times a month. I'm determined to make sure that this little black girl doesn't end up like Shawty Lo's baby mamas (or even like some of the women in her own family).
2 years, 1 month ago on Praise the gods!! Word Has it Oxygen is Pulling the Plug on "All My Baby Mamas"
Embarrassing! But I'm glad the American public got a good example to demonstrate the need for a psychological evaluation of potential gun-owners.
2 years, 1 month ago on Crazy is as Crazy Does: Alex Jones Goes on Bazoots Gun Tirade Against Piers Morgan
@Brenda55 @jakethewrestler Actually, now that I think of it, I believe the difference is that these Asians migrants permanently left their families behind - at least that is the case in the Caribbean. Many of the Indians and Chinese that have been there for generations were brought over during colonial times as workers (or indentured servants) and never returned to their native lands. They settled permanently, mixed with the population, and added to the culture.
Now in terms of the Chinese immigrants in Africa, it seems that as long as they and their wives and children stay in Africa there's usually not a problem. However, once they try to move back to China they encounter difficulties with their families and communities.
So, sadly, it appears that the key to these relationships thriving is the Asian person abandoning traditional family ties. That sucks!
2 years, 1 month ago on Asian Guy Gets Serious with His Black Girlfriend, Mom's Response Stuns Him.
@jakethewrestler I don't know what the statistics are in the U.S., but I've learned that across Africa there is a growing trend of Chinese migrant workers marrying black African women. Also, I'm from the West Indies and in many English-speaking Caribbean islands Asian (Indian and Chinese, mainly) and black mix frequently. Jamaica, for example, has a significant Chinese population that has thrived there for many generations and members of that group have black/Chinese mixed-race family members. I think there is something particular about the U.S. (its history and its culture) that makes interracial relationships unnecessarily complicated, whereas in other parts of the world it happens without much fuss.
I wonder if this has more to do with culture than race. I mean, it seems that the mother knew that Jimmy's girlfriend was black before she came (correct me if I'm wrong) but this was the first time she was going to meet and interact with her. Perhaps mom expected the girlfriend to have studied-up on what traditional Chinese parents expect of a daughter-in-law and then behave accordingly. Her distress over her son's serious relationship with a non-Chinese girl was probably exacerbated by the fact this girl didn't try to ingratiate herself to her in the way she expected her to. It was like adding insult to injury.
Lord, please help me stay away from reading the comments on the FB page. I'm 28 (and not overweight) yet I feel like I'm developing high blood pressure and I'm attributing it to some of the inflammatory stuff I'm reading in comments sections on various sites against Black women. This article made me smile so I'm just going to enjoy the feeling and not ruin it by going to the FB page. Thanks for this, Kola! I'm a big fan.
2 years, 1 month ago on Kola Boof: Billionaires Prefer *Black* Women
Nice. Keep 'em coming!
2 years, 1 month ago on Blasian Into 2013: First Couple to Marry in Cook County
@Shawnna I was going to write almost exactly what you did! Those words are definite red flags for fetishists.
2 years, 1 month ago on Leona’s Love Quest Part XIX- Daters or Haters? Looking for Red Flags in Online Profiles
@Jamila I agree. It shouldn't take a fully grown man more than a year to decide on marriage.
2 years, 1 month ago on Swirling and Marriage: Sola Coats
I Love This! We need more of these.
Really? Did we have to take the bait on this one? *sigh* and *smh*
2 years, 1 month ago on An Open Letter to Kim Kardashian Regarding Her Preggo News
@SwirlQueen @TeeVee Yes. Blacks in the U.S. need to be aware that their portrayal in the media is spread across the globe and influences the attitudes of those who have never encountered or interacted with them.
2 years, 2 months ago on Do We Care About Our Afro-Latina Sisters?
Thank you for doing this article. The existence and plight of Afro-latinos are often ignored or just completely unknown. Afro-Latinos are indeed marginalized and suffer terrible discrimination in many of their homelands. I'm not surprised that you met Argentinians who deny there being any blacks in their country and many Mexicans are unaware that at one time there were more African slaves in Mexico than any other racial group. And despite Brazil having the largest black population outside the African continent, blacks in Brazil are treated worse than second class citizens.
2 years, 2 months ago on Good News! Another BB&W Engagement!
@Law Wanxi Law, if you can get to the producers with some of your ideas, I'm in! We can be rich and ratchet together!
2 years, 2 months ago on "All My Baby Mamas"...Well, What Do You Expect When You Try to Normalize Dysfunction??
@nyaw @Maxine *issue
@nyaw @MaxineHowever I think there is a need for a balance in black perceptions and very strong perceptions on different sides."
THIS^^^ is the issues - there is NOT a balanced view of us in the media today. All we see is coonery, ratchetness and perpetual stereotyping. And don't be fooled, the people who enjoy shows like this are not looking for balance, they are looking for confirmation and affirmation that this is how we all are and should be!
I bet the new girlfriend is desperately trying to get pregnant as we speak! These people are damaged and I don't have much hope for the children as this situation has definitely been normalized for them. smh