Statuesque
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Tavis Smiley and Cornell West will be Uncle Tomming the President in 5, 4, 3, 2.....
@Christelyn I quite agree. It was very petty and just completely unnecessary. Manufactured controversy is right! #fakeoutrage #thanktheacademy
I read the exchange that Aabaakawad linked to. There's no "there, there" IMO. I'd like to think that if I had my own blog I could see the difference between a respectfully offered critique of my POV and concern trolling, but who knows?
To me it read like Aabaawakad was guilty of commenting while White (CWW) on Black issues, not of concern trolling or of being disagreeable or disrespectful to the blogger in question. No matter how much individual freedom may be embraced in theory, some folks still want to maintain a certain level of skinmate privilege when it comes to hearing "outsider" critique.
Congratulations!!!! This is wonderful news. You two make a gorgeous couple.
European men don't have the market cornered on bravery (Mr. Loving, anyone?) but I love this story. I am not surprised that the European in question is a German man. While there is a strong anti-African strain in Europe (indeed, the world) that produces racists, there is also a strain of guileless admiration and appreciation for Black Americans specifically. Black Americans aren't a weird kind of American to most Europeans, they are just Americans.
For all of the Creole cultures and mixing created by the Latins (French, Spanish, Portuguese etc.), it's the Germanic/Nordic types who seem particularly able to establish person-to-person relationships with Black folks, and Anglos and Slavs who seem least able IMO. My boyfriend is of German-Swedish heritage from a lily-white part of the country and it there is more swirling going on in his US-raised family and especially his European relatives than one would consider to be normal for people without much/any exposure to non-Whites. I'm not sure that is an accident. Here I thought he was breaking ground and I find out that he is just one of several!
@Bren82 I pretty much hate who Arya hates, plus Littlefinger. To me he is worse than Joffrey, and that is saying something.
How could I forget Downton Abbey and Suits? Harvey Spector....
OMG TV is so good right now. Movies are getting sillier and sillier, and I love movies, but TV is filling the serious character void big time. Mad Men this season has been PERFECT. Don is a DBR extraordinaire and Jon Hamm is just *sigh*. Don and Peggy, reunited at last. Peter finally got what was coming to him. Love Joannie and wish Roger would get it together.
I am a Game of Thrones fanatic. Martin (the original author) is a genius, the series is well-written and the casting is pitch perfect. I have read through Book 6 but I won't give any spoilers. All I will say is you ain't seen nothin' yet!
I watch all of the HBO Sunday night dramas: GOT, True Blood (more silly than cute campy now though IMO...WTH is up with Tara?), Boardwalk Empire, The Network. I bet HBO is kicking itself that it passed on Mad Men though.
Showtime has Homeland and The Borgias. I don't watch anything else other than the documentary series Oliver Stone did, but those two shows are really good. I loved The Tudors.
Starz has broken out with Boss, which is a really great show. Kelsey Grammer is perfectly cast, and Sanaa Lantham was on the last season.
Love me some Vikings. Ragnar's been messing up though. lol
I also watch Nashville, The Good Wife and, of course, Scandal. Shonda is killing it!
Good grief, some people are batsh*t when it comes to hair. What next, Ivy Blue is "fat" and needs to work out because she has a belly?
It is possible to ignore all of this nonsense and live your life, let your hair do what it does, and be happy that it grows . It does, however, require a significant mindshift: You must stop caring what the GAT-DL have to say about your appearance and personal choices. I pity anyone that needs to spend their valuable time critiquing my natural hair, let alone a baby's hair. Obviously they have nothing better to do and that's telling in itself.
I might. Drumline was a good movie and the director and actors can always make a good script into a good movie. The class-centric storyline is well-worn but it can also be done well, or at least not be totally ridiculous. I thought Jumping the Broom was a big step forward in that whole genre although it had its issues.
Tyler Perry does get the side-eye. I get what he is trying to do but he does definitely play to the "you ain't all that" peanut gallery when it comes to portraying the life of the upper middle class and wealthy Blacks.
"Extrapolate that out to society and blacks have to show up being engineers and doctors and taking care of their families, providing real value. Protecting their communities with the guns, instead of terrorizing them with gang nonsense and robbing each other. Do those things, and the perceived value of the life and death of black people will be quite different. Keep focusing on the racists who ALREADY value you (proven by their strong feelings towards you), then you will just be spinning your wheels."
Exactly. Going into the emotional dead-end, downward spiral of focusing on racists and racism sometimes extracts a high price. One ends up not having the requisite energy and motivation to focus on self-protection and improvement, which is going to be much more effective at minimizing the impact of racists. As you said, creating perceptions of value in the indifferent has proven to be an effective strategy. It is partially why East Asian groups have become the model minorities. If we revisited the extremely virulent anti-Asian racism of previous centuries we'd remember that this is a turnaround.
I'd add a few more:
1. Do not ease off the vetting brake pedal if a guy has financial wealth or good family connections. Miss me with any comments that imply I am saying that Black women should not believe that wealthy, well connected men will be good mates. What I am saying is that it behooves one not to be distracted by bright, shiny objects when vetting for character.
2. The older and more established a man is, the more he will likely have a very clear idea of the type of life he wants and the kind of woman who fits within it. If you don't fit, he isn't going to change his life, even if he really cares about you. He is more likely to find a better fit. I think this is true of women as they age too but wouldn't know from a dating aspect.
3. How you argue is more important than whether you argue or what you argue about. If a guy can't handle the fact that you disagree with him, insults you or makes no attempt to see or understand your perspective even after the argument, throw the flag. No one agrees all the time and relationships are all about negotiation. Conflict resolution skills and emotional intelligence are a must if both people are to strike a deal that both can happily live with. You have to possess these skills too btw.
4. Anyone you date will bring out your issues, but when you date someone who is good for you, their involvement in your life will bring positive growth, energy and good things, not stagnation, negative energy and bad things. it should feel like he is lifting you up, not bringing you down.
This is an important topic and I believe it is relevant to Black women. It's relevant to any human being generally and all Americans specifically since we are talking about American racialism.
What I am not comfortable with is accepting the institutionalized meme that "non-White life doesn't matter." I cannot dispute the conclusion given the centuries of evidence, but I can and do reject the influence on my personal life that it needs to have, and I can minimize its importance in my personal life. My life may not have importance to a racist cop, a random racist person on Twitter or man who think women were put on earth to be used and abused, but since my life has importance to ME my frame of reference for assessing value to my life shouldn't really be outside of myself and those who affirm the importance of my life. I can act to protect myself by limiting my involvement with people who do not value me or my life. I can think about self-defense tactics for those times when encountering someone who would harm me can't be avoided. I can educate myself, and others to think in non-racialist ways. I can make money and try to insulate me and mine from the worst effects of racism, sexism and racialism. In short, the world may be a violent, racist and inhospitable place for women like me and you, but women like us CAN, HAVE, AND WILL THRIVE despite whatever exists in the world if we act in self-defense and are proactive rather than full of despair.
We need to remember the odds that our ancestors placed in bondage beat to survive those horrors, and to overcome them. We need to draw upon that strength passed down to us and build alliances with people who are able to see our humanity and respect our individuality. That's the muscle I choose to exercise every day. It doesn't mean I don't pay attention to racism or racialism, or that I pretend it doesn't exist. It does mean that my attention can't be diverted from my efforts to live my life and thrive despite them.
@ironcowboy But Gandhi didn't enter anyone's domain...they were on his home turf. The sequence of behaviors is exactly what is happening here at B&BW and other blogs. In life, really, when we all do what we do to live well. It's not offense or defense, but a description of what happens when you are standing up for yourself and your human rights.
We have already interrupted the BC's process, which is why the trolls come out from under rocks to laugh because they can't ignore the loss of resources any longer. I guess this story in Essence signifies the fight for some. Fake or real, it is not representative of the reality of most BF/WM couples. If you don't know that already, you have no business pursuing WM.
How lovely!! Congratulations and good luck in Philly!!
“Do you think they might be open-minded about a younger white guy, or do you think it will be somewhat of a taboo?”
I'd agree they would be open-minded to an extent but you'd have to work very hard to be taken seriously. While not every woman in that age range is looking to settle down and/or get married (and Europeans are generally not as intent on marriage as Americans), many are. Using myself as an example, I no longer have time to dabble with men who aren't sure that they want to commit to me. The relationship needs to be progressing towards a strong commitment culminating in marriage, otherwise I am dating (and, by definition, not taking them seriously). Left to my own devices I would disqualify a man under 30 who was interested in me automatically, because the average young man is following his natural instinct to go after something he is attracted to and may not have thought through the implications of doing so. He'd have to be exceptionally mature and serious-minded to change my mind.
It's really important to know what your own intentions are, and if you haven't thought about it, an older woman will usually prod you to figure out much more quickly than a younger woman. There are also LOTS of older women who aren't looking for a serious commitment precisely because they have been there and done that, and are quite content to explore without having an end game. Would you prefer to date an older woman like that? Are you looking to settle down with the right woman sooner rather than later? I would spend some time and think about what it is you want from a woman generally/ There will be plenty of women of any age for you to pursue, but you will have more success if you know what you are looking for.
Good luck!
"As a white guy who takes good care if his body, I desire the same thing in my mate."
Suffice it to say that many of the ladies here, no matter their physical size, desire a man who will take good care of their hearts and would have to exclude this gentleman from the short list. It seems like mutual exclusion would be of mutual benefit, as there are plenty of muscular, fit Black women to pursue and plenty of White men who don't need their women to have Allyson Felix's body.
This is one man's opinion and we should wish him well in his search for a desirable Black female mate. Doing so will not negate anyone's ability to find love with a man who has different standards and desires. Hell, when my skinny a$$ was alone I saw lots of bigger women hugged up, wifed up, and pushing strollers. Look out beyond your computer screen to the real world and you will see the same thing.
I realize that the words above are unvarnished and can hurt if you aren't this man's idea of desirable, but their importance is blown out of proportion. Do you need all men, including one White man who would apparently kick 95% of the Black female population of any age and weight out of his bed, to be attracted to you? I hope not, because THAT is a much bigger problem than this anonymous well-preserved middle aged man's opinion. No diet, nutrition plan or exercise is going to fix that problem.
"So many times, we get stuck in our ways and we don’t want to allow someone wonderful in our lives, because we are afraid of what our family, friends and co-workers will say. We always think that we can take care of ourselves. But your life will be so much richer with someone to share it with. Material things are nice, but they don’t encourage you, motivate you , love you and hug and kiss you back. Put it out in the universe that you want love and it will come to you."
Beautiful words. And so true! Congratulations to you and Don on one year together and hopefully many more to come.
It is NEVER too late for anyone. I can attest to the power of positive thinking here too. I am in my 30s and I had been feeling like my time would never come since my late 20s when I ended a bad relationship that everyone expected would end in marriage (a terrible one). We truly have the power to change our lives..."I think, therefore I am."
@EarthJeff Are you kidding?!! There is nothing more fascinating than listening to a man talk about why he is into a woman. Plus your story is super sweet and it always brightens my day to hear more of it.
@Kiwiwriter YES. Call me a die hard romantic, but I think a man who loves and is devoted to a woman is going to be the best choice for individual happiness because he will do whatever it takes to do right by that woman. I can't argue with the notion that economic hypergamy may be the best choice for the economic future of offspring. But then again, so is being well-off on your own terms.