Bio not provided
There are very few facts that aren't in dispute about both subjects. I am not bothered by lively debate and am not trying to convince you personally so much as lay out an argument for being legitimately skeptical of "traditional" views on the matter. All the same, good night to you.
6 days, 17 hours ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”
These colonial racial categories that people consider "scientific" are the least valid and reliable ways to represent one human race. How something that fails to meet the standards science sets for itself is easily explained by the cultural norms of the scientists. This is how Carleton Coon becomes a breath of fresh air even though he was only explaining what is easily observable to non-racist eyes. Other people need to come up with reasons why Swedes and Algerians living thousands of miles away are of one "race" but Algerians and Malians living virtually next door are two different "races."
6 days, 19 hours ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”
6 days, 20 hours ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”
I'm sorry that you are having an emotional reaction to my opinion, and I am not sure there is anything I can do about that. Claiming that a person whose heritage is unconfirmed on both sides is not exactly unbiased and is also speculation. But that's fine with me because no one knows for sure.
My brain works as well as anyone else's and I have formed my own conclusions about what I currently know. I'll change them when evidence warrants it. I don't need to prove that there is racial bias and anti-African white washing is a systemic problem in because the record speaks for itself.
I do not claim to be without bias and will freely admit to being highly skeptical of expert opinion that displays the systemic denial or minimization of the contributions of Africans in antiquity. I have similar views on some Afrocentrists who react to that by trying to overemphasize those contributions, but the issue at hand is not their scholarship or a widely shared perception that Egyptians all looked like Sudanese Dinka. When most people believe that Cleopatra looked like Alek Wek I will critique Afrocentric scholars' systemic blackwashing.
Their whiteness may or may not cotribute, but it is not uncommon for Westerners to display ethnocentrism when studying non-Western cultures. I consider myself a Westerner and I certainly do, but I try to be conscious of it. There has been a complete lack of consciousness about how ethnocentrism, imperialism, colonialism, racism etc colors one's regard of and study of phenomena. I can offer that critique without thinking that every person/scholar who has it is a bad person or has conscious malicious intent. I can't say the same for the system, however. They go with that grain, not against it, and I tend to be skeptical of that because of who I am, what I've read/seen and how I see things.
Their research is interpretive in nature, and I am drawing some different conclusions. I am not invalidating their research, I simply don't agree that they have a 100% correct interpretation of the facts and I question whether the unconscious biases that are built into the system aren't the reasons why they can't see what seems obvious to others.
1 week ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”
@Michael_Miles It is definitely not unheard of, but it is quite difficult to control breeding even of royalty (insert Genghis Khan joke here). Especially when there is no incentive to preserve the line once you get to the throne, which is why successful inbreeding was less common than successful infighting and fratricide.
I have read Dodson and Hilton, as well as other historians and archaeologists who are experts on Egypt. There's a lot of ethnocentrism to get around, even among the most thorough and earnest scholars such as they are. They have been brainwashed too but it doesn't mean they are all wrong or dishonest. The Ptolomies were definitely Macedonian. Were they able to sustain Macedonian purity in Egypt ruling over Egyptians? I doubt it. No royal family has been able to do that successfully for multiple generations with no genetic or ethnic "resets." At least none that I know of.
I don't think a lot of people have an appreciation for the extent to which post-colonial Western and Islamic civilizations have gone to erase African contributions and presence from the historical record. Ancient people did not have color prejudice as we know it, and would have had no reason to use pretzel logic to explain why people who were from the African continent couldn't have possibly been of the "Black" race they constructed thousands of years after these people lived and died never seeing themselves racially at all.
Ashkenazi Jews are a prime example of this extreme denial, but not the only ones. People that left the Middle East looking indistinguishable from the average resident there today, and hundreds of years later (hardly enough time to significantly impact their appearance through natural selection), come back to Israel/Palestine looking more like native Indians, Slavs and Germans and somehow we should all pretend that their "inbreeding" kept them from mixing with the natives in Europe and Asia? We are supposed to pretend that a blue eyed, blonde haired biblical figure makes sense in any way? The only way it makes sense is culturally, and culturally speaking, European racial ideas and ethnocentrism have completely warped our thinking on Africa and the Middle East since the end of the Dark Ages.
I do apologize for writing so much on this but it seems painfully obvious. Let the Chinese start producing movies portraying like Julius Caesar, William the Conqueror or Christopher Columbus as East Asians WITHOUT making it clear that they are taking cinematic license, and just pretending as though they are representing history as it was, and and white people would raise hell. Rightfully so I'd say. It's one thing to get creative or inclusive and diversify/change the appearance of historical and iconic fictional figures, and another to construct a whole alternate reality in which your appropriation of someone else's history is normal, correct and "just the way it was." That is literally insane and there is too much excusing and tolerance of it because it is "normal" in Western culture for Whites/Europeans to do it. It has been normal for centuries, and a deliberate and systematic exercise that only modern science is starting to correct. Even then there is massive resistance from people who just can't accept that every good thing in history was created by or done by "White" people.
I remember the day I told my history professor that Jefferson kept Sally Hemings as a "mistress" and it was known that her children were of his line (some say a close male relative could be the culprit to be fair). He ripped me a new one. It was so emotional I remember it now almost 20 years later. Lo and behold, a few years later when the technology caught up, they proved it. I often wonder whether he was somewhere renting his garments and teetering on the edge of a cliff when he heard.
@Michael Miles And yet, her father and she infused the line with native Egyptian and Roman blood, respectively. Marriage is one thing, issue another. Cleopatra was legitimized by her father, and she legitimized her son. Ptolomies were just as likely to kill their sister-brother spouses than they were to breed with them, maybe even more likely to do so. So it's not likely that it goes back to two Greeks. You have to resort to extreme measures to keep two populations in close proximity from mixing over generations of living together. It has yet to happen despite those measures. It's human nature.
@BWC @zipporah I have heard that as well. Anyone who has seen what Jews native to that part of the Middle East look like knows that Jesus is not likely to have looked like a Renaissance era European.
Love that picture!
1 week, 1 day ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”
@Uvo Absolutely. And it continues today even despite the mountain of evidence that these *gasp* AFRICAN people looked like what most American people would call Black. Egyptian culture for thousands of years was of African origin and Egyptians were African people. They were not tan or whiteskinned Arabs. To say Egypt was a melting pot is correct, but to say that the minority of non-African people didn't melt into what we today would almost certainly characterize as a Black-looking population is kind of nuts. That would be like some Afrocentric scholar 2,000 years from now trying to say that the United States was a melting pot of European, African and Indian cultures but "blackwashing" all of the European founders just because the American population in 4014 is more brown than white looking.
No one has disputed that Cleopatra's paternal line is directly from Macedonia but as we all know very well, admixture is more likely to be visible than not. I see no reason to hang on to the idea that Cleopatra was "white" anymore than I see a need to believe that she looked like a modern day Kenyan or Nubian if she had a parent with very light skin and more Mediterranean features. Yes, it is possible but just not likely when a reasonable person can just glance at the medium brown to almost black skin of native people to that region and conclude that, if people with one "White" parent and one "Black" parent do not typically look like Elizabeth Taylor, Cleopatra probably didn't either. To me everything else is reaching, trying to hang on to that whitewashed view of history for dear life.
It really isn't disputed by people who are clearing their mind of hundreds of years of whitewashing. One doesn't have to "blackwash" in response to that, because I don't think that makes a lot of sense either, but it really bothers me when people try to lop off part of the African continent and pretend like people only "look Black African" far away from Egypt. It's utter nonsense.
@TitaniumFirefly @Statuesque No, it hasn't. It hasn't been "well-established" what Cleopatra looked like at all - her images vary and the remaining images of her are Roman and tend to be unflattering because she lost a war to the guy who won it (Augustus Caesar hated Cleopatra and is alleged to have hunted down her son by Caesar, Caesarion, and killed him so that there would be no disputing his claim to Julius Caesar's "empire"). One of many slurs against her in particular was that her blood was "tainted" on her mother's side. Most scholars believe she was a concubine and, while we don't know whether her mother was of Nilotic African or sub Saharan African descent, we do know that she was a native Egyptian. Native Egyptians do not tend to look like Elizabeth Taylor or your wife, with all due respect. Cleopatra was half-native.
Furthermore, people who do not have a racist or nationalist agenda to push are starting to answer some questions. Why would archaeologists examine her (full-blooded) sister's remains and conclude that she had an "African skeleton." Whatever that is, they've gone a step further than most scholars had prior in saying Cleopatra was of African heritage. I wouldn't expect Greeks who need to claim otherwise to do so. Russians at least openly acknowledge that Pushkin was mulatto, as do the French with Alexandre Dumas.
Cleopatra was not European. Europe did not exist at the time she lived. Believe whomever you want, but I tend to believe people who have actually studied the subject matter and reviewed the ancient record.
@zimekcyn @Statuesque @TitaniumFirefly Who was rumored, by the way, to be of mixed African and European ancestry. Creole, I believe. Vivian Leigh has South Indian heritage too!
1 week, 2 days ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”
@500and50 @IrvingLegagneurSr Egyptian (Arabs) white wash themselves first and foremost, and ancient Egyptians with the full endorsement of Europeans, who wish to do the same. They DO NOT want to be associated with Black Africans, even though we know damned well that ancient Egyptians and most current Egyptians are of blended heritage, and that heritage includes sub Saharan and Niolitic African ancestry.
The Idris Elba thing is more like Denzel Washington playing in Much Ado About Nothing. Highly unlikely but not completely out of line with reality given Sicilian history and proximity. What is typically portrayed on the screen in Hollywood is egregious and commonplace, as you stated above.
@TitaniumFirefly While Cleopatra was of Macedonian (Greek) ancestry on her father's side, her mother's identify and heritage are unknown. Since she was very well-versed in ancient Egyptian religion and culture, much more so than the average Egyptian of Greek background, it's commonly thought that her mother was a native Egyptian and she learned from her. Given what native Egyptians actually look(ed) like, there is very little chance Cleopatra looked anything like Elizabeth Taylor.
I agree 100% with Christelyn and the article. I won't deign to see this movie as it is grossly inaccurate. Instead, I'll amuse myself thinking about what the cast of Gone With the Wind would look like if the southern White folks were all played by East Asians or Africans, and the slaves by Europeans. This is as ridiculous as the casting of Exodus.
@Ri74 Hey there Ri74! I keep missing responses so sorry about that LOL
I am not sure I agree that the BC peanut gallery is behind this, because the most impactful time for Bill Cosby's perspective came and went, and the timing of these incidents mean that the PR trigger could have been pulled. Basically, in the midst of the "Come on, People!" tour and the TV appearances etc. would have been the time to neutralize Cosby if it were the folks you were talking about. I think everyone agrees these women and the allegations/rumors have dogged him for years (this is the biggest indictment for me...people don't spend YEARS talking about things that are simply made up in my experience...before the internet it was known in Black circles and Hollywood circles that he had these proclivities).
What I think makes a lot of sense is that Hollywood is behind it. He made the wrong person mad, he didn't return a favor, something. Hollywood is very insular and petty, but they generally keep each others secrets and provide stars latitude, especially in decades past (some of that is gone now). What is happening in Cosby's life now? He is trying to come back professionally - stand up, comedy specials and a new show. Imagine that (the let's face it) White men who pull the strings in Hollywood who are around these women - ex husbands, sons, in laws, friends, fathers, have known for years what happened but weren't in a position to do anything about it, or because Bill was too protected. He is not anymore. The cash cow was slaughtered. All of his enablers and handlers are past their prime and no longer influential. People have gotten older and regret looms large in the things you did that you shouldn't have done. So there are a combination of things that come together to propel a story forward that didn't exist before. Why now? The climate is right and the conditions are in place in a way they weren't before.
I have nothing to say in opposition to the PR machine, just that it doesn't stem for someone telling their truth our speaking out unless the machine went looking for the truth. I don't think the motives of all of these women are to simply tell a story either, but that doesn't negate the truth of what they are saying, it only tarnishes their motives.
2 weeks ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…
@DWB @Brenda55 @BWC The degenerate cop who committed child homicide in Cleveland was previously determined to be unfit for police duty, yet was able to circumvent the system by quitting before they fired him and wound up in the Cleveland police force with apparently no investigation into his background.
Where I work, we perform background checks on employees who will never be putting anyone's lives in direct danger and are not required to handle firearms or dispense justice. Why do we have a more robust vetting process than the police department?
Are these the lowered standards that I hear so many long-time cops talking about? Nope, they usually mean the inclusion of minority men and women plus White women, but they aren't completely off base to say that the aptitude for police needs to stay and remain high.
2 weeks ago on Charles Barkley: “The Black Community Has a Lot of Crooks”
It's interesting that some Black people also seem to disrespect the President and First Family by getting "familiar" with them. Different reasons perhaps but the same outcome. This is not "Uncle Barry and them" down the road, but the frigging POTUS and his family. You can't complain about the millions of White people who refuse to give the President his due if you can't even shut your stupid mouth about the rear ends of his wife and daughter.
It's not wrong or creepy to notice that a young girl is becoming a woman but it is disgusting to leer and talk about it openly as if her body and a grown man's sexual interest in her is unproblematic. I'm sad to say that I am not surprised in the least that an individual like this would be tweeting about it, and is likely doing more than that in real life given his status and money. And then people wonder why it's easy to believe that Bill Cosby took it farther than ogling? Yeah, no...
2 weeks ago on Objectifying Our Girls…Thank the Gods Malia Has Body Guards.
@Selmix @Statuesque What specific crime did they commit? Poor and disinfranchised people are denied justices hourly, in all sorts of ways. So are women who have been sexually assaulted or raped. So are men who want to be full parents after divorce.
It had to be a conspiracy to procure women, compensate them and/or cover up his behavior for years, whether he is a rapist, pedophile or just an indiscreet druggie philanderer. Many are culpable beyond Cosby, as you said, because he couldn't have done it without help.
@Selmix @Statuesque Sorry this was so far down I missed your response. My remark was not mean to imply anything other than the race of the women has been relevant to some of the women posting and it may matter to you.
I will try and find the link to the story of the Black woman. I looked on Facebook and the conversation I had with one of my friends is deleted. He put on a cape for Cosby with sequins and feathers early on and was calling the women THOTs, especially in reference to this particular woman who was not a doctor or lawyer. I find it hilarious that he deleted his post, but exposed himself to be quite the idiot with what he was saying by multiple women who had the misfortune of reading this crappy opinion.
I am not troubled by much of the things you cited. I would not be troubled by the revelation that Cosby took medication, or suffered from depression or anxiety. Rape is not about force per se. The fact that he is alleged to have used drugs to subdue and incapacitate women means force was not necessary. So why would lack of force become a reason to be suspicious about rape in these cases?
I don't know whether Cosby is a criminal but I do know that victims of sexual abuse often have messy stories that easily implicate them in their own exploitation, hence the reason they were targeted or were susceptible in the first place. What you see as puzzling I see as part of the usual picture and barely requires explanation it is so obvious.
@Ri74 I understand that public shaming is a well-used tactic. It's not the internet's fault that it exponentially increases the impact of human communication.
What I don't understand is why what "the public" chooses to do with information, and what corporate executives concerned about brand and profits choose to do with information, can be laid at the door of anyone but "the public" and perhaps the journalists covering the story.
If I stand up and say "I was sexually assaulted by <insert name of some rich, powerful celebrity guy>" how is that cyber-bullying? If you and 10,000 of your closest friends, choose to circulate a petition to get this guy fired how have I used the internet to do anything (except tell my story...but I probably did that in a press conference or in an affidavit)?
You can't blame the alleged victims or the perpetrator for what "the public" does. Unless you're saying the public was directly incited in some way by these women? How so?
2 weeks, 2 days ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…
@SirLoinDeBeef @Jamila Why are you setting a different standard for this evidence than what you have offered in defense (?) of Cosby.
What evidence can you provide that demonstrates that the motive of these women is to "use the internet as a means of punishing a person through extra-legal means?" I have seen no facts coming forth to support this point of view. Facts like personal statements on video/in print, sworn affidavits, or statements about their state of mind. Regret-rape? What does that even mean?
Not the effect of them coming forward, motive, because THAT is the legal standard required for your allegation. Similarly, the women are required to have sufficient evidence for their claims in a court of law.
Some of these women accepted financial compensation from Cosby and his handlers. What basis do they have to "punish" him through extra-legal means? Do you have any evidence of confidentiality agreements broken, extortion, or personal statements that indicate these women are "pretending" and "hysterical?"
The point is not that many women came forth and dominoes started to fall. That is basically how these things work - if you need a male example to see that it isn't about gender or (sigh) feminism, reference the majority of stories coming out of the Church sex abuse scandal. The point is that, if they are telling the truth, shame on Cosby and a whole slew of enablers. If they are lying, shame on them and they can be thrown in prison and/or become liable for reputational and financial damages.
No one is punishing him by stating the facts as they see them. These facts can either be verified, or must remain in the realm of he-said-she-said. The punishment comes from what people choose to do with the information now that it is public, if they decide to believe these women or back away from the situation to maintain their own reputations/income/etc.
If you think he is being punished, why not just say that he did it? Otherwise what is he being punished for?
Everyone here is just shooting their mouths off and none of it matters a lick to Cosby or those women. So without having done a, b or c above all I have to say is that I see no credible evidence that supports your point of view.
@NYMan Victims also decided to come forward. It seems like it is usually easier for them to do so once one or two already have, which makes sense to me.
Personally I think he forgot himself and crossed the wrong person in Hollywood and they are burning him in retaliation. It's not like there weren't allegations, attempted charges or rumors before so I have a hard time believing that it wasn't a known cover-up by many people and some magical combination of events on the internet brought it to light.
@Selmix It doesn't seem like you are familiar with the facts of the situation given your opinion. It's one thing to say you don't believe the women and another to propose hypothetical scenarios about why he is innocent that don't line up with the facts.
Yes, some women took money. Either before or after, some both. One woman (Black, since that may matter to you) is from Philadelphia and alleges that he paid her parents for sexual access when she was a young teen. She continued to have sexual relations with him into adulthood. She SAID all of these things, which made many people attack her character and motives. Why would a person who has NOTHING to gain from telling the truth about their complicity make these statements to "get money" when a flat out lie would remove more of the stigma?
The conspiracy was in the procurement of women and girls to provide America's Dad and Hollywood cash cow with his sexual fix. Yep, I'm sure a few police officers looked the other way or maybe did more. Lawyers and studio execs paid women to go away, or to stick around. Journalists and networks buried the stories or never considered them newsworthy to begin with, especially in the 60s/70s. And yes, some of the women in the mix were likely party girls or very naive to think America's Dad only wanted to help their pretty young selves further their careers.
My parents have a lot of faults, but they do not deify celebrities. They wouldn't have dropped me off at Bill Cosby's hotel room for private career advice. But people who love and admire America's Dad? the Cos could score young tail at record levels, especially with Black parents, and have this guy write the check to pay college tuition at Spelman or therapy bills for their trouble.
THAT is the way the world works. The interests and proclivities of the powerful are protected to an extent we often will
never see. This Cosby situation is rare so I do wonder what he actually did to have all of this come out. It was NOT the alleged rapes or assaults. Those had long been buried or excused away.
@SirLoinDeBeef He can sue them for slander or libel, so it is simply not true that an accuser has no chance of facing cross-examination. There are criminal charges of fraud or extortion that could be leveled. There is a statute of limitations on criminal charges being filed, not on the truth being told in public.
And Bill Cosby is not being accused of one youthful indiscretion. I imagined the scenario above and found it to be irrelevant to his situation as it has been presented.
@Jamila THANK YOU. This is the same reaction I had when the Catholic priest abuse scandals started coming out. Are people seriously in denial about how traumatic sexual abuse and victimization is to the people who experience it?
@Letta @Selmix @MsEva @Ri74 He did stop these women dead in their tracks if even a third of them can be believed. First, he'd have chosen vulnerable women or women whose character is far from impeachable, or who were making poor decisions (like being in the same room with him). Then he would have orchestrated situations in which they'd either do what he wanted, or drugged them to make sure. Even if a woman went to his room etc. doesn't mean she asked to be drugged. Finally, he paid them. The fixers have spoken, and are only stating what people have known for years. Just like the Catholic Church's abuse scandals all you have to do is follow the money. Some of these women accepted money but likely discovered that it couldn't make up for what he may have taken from them.
People need to realize that true professionals and hard core takers can be bought, like the women who service Wall Street, elite athletes, and Hollywood. Cosby was rich enough to buy this sort of arrangement with any willing woman or women, and there would have been plenty. He was rich was decades, and certainly could afford to keep the bodies buried. This is unraveling because people are fed up with keeping his secrets, not because he is being framed. If he had kept his dirty *** at home he wouldn't have to worry about it...
These women are talking even though he won't go to jail and it is only going to tarnish their lives and reputations. But victims of sexual abuse are frequently shamed into silence for many, many years, either directly by others or because they can't speak about it, haven't processed it, or maybe even don't remember. People asking why they didn't say something at the time really, really need to be better informed about the impact of sexual abuse and rape on victims.
@thecrazyartist This made me laugh out loud on a plane!!
2 weeks, 3 days ago on Resignation of GOP Staffer Proves What Happens When Black Womanhood is Protected
Couldn't agree more. I spoke harshly about Bush and his policies but I did not drag his children through the mud to express my disapproval of the job he was doing as President.
There is a whole Tumblr page dedicated to racists getting fired. It's hilarious. Again, it's morally questionable to publically shame someone for their beliefs, these people are hard for me to feel sorry for given their stupid and racist views.
Black women have also come forward to say that Cosby initiated inappropriate sexual contact or abused them. One of the women he allegedly slept with as an underaged teen and essentially paid her parents for services, which she continued to offer as an adult, damage to her psyche and self-worth having been done.
I have been disappointed in the reaction of many Black men especially, who call these women terrible names and truly believe he is the victim. At this point I find that notion hard to believe.
Race appears to have little to do with a powerful man believing that all sex he desires from a girl or woman is consensual or justifiable if he compensates her afterward. But there is a long sordid history among African Americans of sexual exploitation and abuse, especially of unprotected girls. Mr. Cosby could have started to believe his own hype and think that any woman was fair game, but I don't think for a minute that he didn't troll the old neighborhood in Philly cutting his teeth on young Black girls until he got access to different types of women.
Some (Black) commenters have also shrugged their shoulders because most of the women have been White and seem to deny the allegations on that basis alone, or see it as Cosby's just desserts because he chose to sleep with White women and they "turned on him." I struggle with that too.
He'd always portray his wife as haggard and long-suffering in his routines. I guess it's true that if it's funny it's kind of true. For the infidelity alone he is a dirtbag.
2 weeks, 3 days ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…
So the Bush twins get to fall down drunk and party like rock stars in high school and college, but the Obama girls give a side eye and all of sudden they have no class? I'm not sure what preppy nerd bar she thinks these teenaged girls are going to dressed as they are but the picture below tells you all you need to know about the stones being thrown from this glass house. How are you trying to slut-shame girls wearing high necked loose sweaters?
The Obama girls have no leeway in the public eye and I am quite sure that their mother has reminded them of that after this incident.
I don't feel sorry for her in the least but, wow, people go for the jugular now with unsealing juvenile records etc. The President is not someone's Uncle Barry who works at the post office. It amuses me greatly when people like this forget he is the president. Their contempt for him and the First Family is so acute that they act surprised when going after the man's wife and family has political and social repercussions.
@mzsunshine @jazzyfae45 Don't you love how he glosses over that, and tries to explain it in the most negative terms he can muster up? It it is literally nonsensical to say that on one hand that WM marry BW onlybecause they seek a hot, skinny woman by any means, and then maintain that the women must be willing to grin and bear the marriage because they don't have better options. EVERYONE in modern society has the option to be single and obtain financial or sexual resources as needed from random people. A 50 year old woman is stil a younger woman to a 70 year old. A woman willing to "man share" has plenty of options. So the whole argument is retarded.
3 weeks, 4 days ago on Propaganda Ramping Up On Black Women Dating and Marrying Interracially
@PaoloP @Statuesque Me either, Paolo. Centuries have gone by, at least in the US, and too many have blown it and continue to blow it. It's running out, the smarter ones are realizing it and hence reacting the way they are out of panic, but most of them are too dumb or self-entitled to see it.
This is the most illogical thought pattern I have seen in a while. So...a successful woman seeks out a "soft" man for status? Last time I checked men were NOT marrying women because they don't have equally desirable options (like playing the field or focusing on their work). So what does this "soft" financially well off guy get from an "unattractive" Black woman that he couldn't get with an unattractive White woman or a trophy bride? If men don't get something out of marriage they don't do it. Period.
That smacks of typical Black male machismo, thinking a Black woman couldn't possibly be attracted to (or sexually satisfied by) anything but a Black man, and a White man isn't able to inspire those feelings within her.
I've said it before, I'll keep saying it: Supportive, loyal, resourceful and resilient women are highly prized by intelligent men. If those men are ambitious and/or wealthy, they tend to seek highly educated and/or successful women too. Visionary investors are always looking for undervalued assets at a bargain, not overpriced assets they need to pay a premium for. They know how to spot the potential before the crowd catches on. Smart investors are always looking for under appreciated assets, and then proceed to put in the work or the expertise to turn that part of town no one wants to live in into the next "it" zip code. Or maybe they just fall in love with something valuable that no one else understands or appreciates...yet.
My answer to anyone who doesn't understand why quality Black women are being pursued and married by quality White men is to say that you are the same people once upon a time who couldn't understand why anyone would want to buy beachfront property in Malibu or the Keys, buy Apple in the 90s or Amazon in '01, stop eating processed foods or started raising chickens in 2005. These people never set the trend or snatch up the deal, they are always buying high and selling low.
I know exactly what certain non-Black men see in Black women, and they are pretty damned visionary. In 20 years it will not only be common, but typical of a "certain type of White guy" especially.
@International_Responder I completely agree with you. Maintaining a friendship after having had a relationship is not for everyone, or for every ex. Sometimes it only develops later when the emotional Sturm und Drang is over and you can just accept what happened, or didn't. That's when most of the time you come to realize that the behavior you took personally, you shouldn't, because that is just who this person is and it has nothing to do with you. I actually learned that from my mom. She maintained friendships with a few of her exes and they are STILL friends to this day...after marriages, subsequent relationships, hurts, drama etc. Sometimes, as Sbta said below, male fear of intimacy or commitment, basically trusting a woman with their lives (at the end of the day, that is what marriage is), is overwhelming, and they can't see beyond the fear until much later. That doesn't mean you won't end up with the man who CAN figure it out. She certainly did.
I will say that I don't have any exes-as-friend with whom I had to pretend that I was unaffected by the break up. If they can't handle my emotions and take responsibility for their part in the whole deal, they aren't really friends I want to have in my life. I discovered this truth only in the last two relationships I've had. Both had the emotional fortitude and sense of personal responsibility to help me see that it is okay if I am not happy with everything they say and do, that they will not fall apart or run away like little boys if I call them out or need to process something I am feeling. They called me out too, and I
took it. One even said explicitly in one conversation "I am partially responsible for how you feel, so say whatever you need to say." In his way, he showed me that he isn't going anywhere and that he values me as a person. Men understand us sometimes more than we give them credit for, even if they don't express it in the ways we'd prefer.
The flipside to dealing with a guy that has not offered you the level of commitment you want is that you can leverage that relative objectivity to your benefit. This is not a recommendation to keep a jerk around, just to offer that real friendship is built over time with the people who just seem to never fall out of your life no matter what happens.
4 weeks ago on Leona’s Love Quest: Taking the Fear out of Relationship Failures
@Sfbta LOL for me that is semantic. Whether it finds me or I find it, it is available!
Hi Leona - Being single myself, and maybe roughly in the same age group (I'm in my late 30s), I can relate to your dating woes and am always silently cheering you on during your periodic reports.
Driven and goal-oriented people always focus on winning, and who can credibly argue that most women are not socialized to focus on winning the marriage/perfect husband prize? It may irk some to admit it, but it's the truth and it has nothing to do with how accomplished, attractive, fit, wealthy, educated or emotional healthy a woman might be. That's why it feels like failure when you don't get there with a man you have developed feelings for.
The passage of time makes just about everything that was once important less so, especially when it comes to objects of affection. Both in the sense that we get older and can put more things in proper perspective, and whatever pain or sadness that was there fades. This guy, whatever his shortcomings or virtues, however you feel about him now, will not stay top of mind with you if he is unable or unwilling to make your relationship and your feelings a priority. You won't allow it, however you may be feeling now and whatever you may need to still work through in your lingering feelings for him. I doubt we'll be talking about him at all a year from now, because he is making himself unimportant in your life. His choice, not yours. I think we can all see that he is doing you a favor in the long run.
I don't have a single ex that I consider as the one who got away, but I can't say any of them would say the same about me. That's not my ego talking but I am saying that I was good for them, I did my best for them, and they know it. They may have gone in search for someone else, they may not have been able to provide what I required even after trying, they may have offered what amounts to male BS "it's not you it's me" reasons for moving on, but I am not the one looking back wondering whether I made a mistake or didn't give enough. And so when the next one comes along (and there is ALWAYS a next one), the "failure" is put in the proper perspective as the temporary experience (good, bad, indifferent) that got me to where I am today. You experience with this guy and the guys before him will not determine your future with a guy you have yet to meet. And so, how can they be failures? If they had been "successful" maybe you would miss out on the one who is REALLY the one for you. Life is over when you die. Until then, what's coming is likely to be wonderful, and something you can't even conceive of until it arrives. I truly believe it is a matter or time for some of us who have taken a bit longer than others to find the love that stays with you.
@Oaktown Paul @Statuesque Hear, hear! Eating junk foods (vast majority of processed foods) is a learned behavior. The "food" industry tries to make us believe that eating the sugar in a granola bar or Fruit Loops is the same as putting pure maple syrup on buckwheat pancakes, but it isn't. I applaud you for seeing through the BS and steering your kids away from the poison (exactly what those foods are).
When Black women grew their own food and raised their own animals in the country, they weren't suffering from diabetes and high blood pressure at the same rates they are now. Life was probably even more stressful, and people still ate cakes and drank Coca Cola. But not every day, plus they were nourished with much better foods so their bodies didn't want or need Twinkies, and soda didn't have high fructose corn syrup in it. In many cases even the processed foods that were never a great idea to consume a lot of, just became disastrous due to the changes made to basic ingredients. I've had to make my mom aware of this because the foods she has been buying all her life are simply not what they used to be, and are no longer safe to eat.
There is a big difference between the soul food diet as it was in the early 20th century and what it is now.
1 month ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.
My point was not that addiction isn't a real issue, it is to say that someone who is experiencing food cravings isn't an addict because they drink too much soda or eat cake. I think more care has to be taken with throwing that word around to describe a body out of whack. Having messed mind/body signals may be due to addiction but it may also be due to other causes, like a nutritional deficiency.
We'd never say a person who sleeps excessively is addicted to sleep. Sleeping is a natural biological function, just like the craving for food. Now: is the person's lifestyle part of the issue? Of course. Do they need to make different choices? Obviously. But are they an addict? That's where I think the language isn't helping to stay focused on and find the problems.
Having had to watch family members contract Type 2 diabetes and die, and suffer strokes, amputations and face other terrible consequences, I can understand how heartbreaking it is to watch a person you love throw their lives away with both hands. I am so sorry for your sister's condition and that she was unable to make the changes she needed to live a longer, healthier life. Maybe it is not too late for your niece - unfortunately, sometimes the only way to get to people is when someone they really love and depend on is taken from them.
I have some controversial views on nutrition but no matter what foods people think of a healthy or unhealthy, having a bad relationship with food at any weight leads to problems. The body is only asking for what it needs to function given the lifestyle you lead, even in the case of sugar cravings. I think this food addiction perspective is damaging in itself because it implies that getting joy and satisfaction from food is a bad thing. It isn't! We were made to seek out foods that taste good and feel satisfied after eating. That would be like feeling bad about wanting to sleep, or have sex, or cry.
These unhealthy relationships with food discussions sometimes focus too much on finding fault with enjoying food. I think that's CRAZY. No one would have feel shame about liking food if we spent more time trying to understand what nutrients the body might be missing and is asking for. For example, the easiest way to get rid of sugar cravings is to eat more saturated fat and healthy carbs while substituting TYPES of sugar until the cravings diminish. But the reasons why the body may want so many easy carbs could be due to other nutritional deficiencies and have nothing to do with you craving soda or cake, but everything to do with the body not having the right minerals, vitamins, etc to keep it in balance, and perhaps being under too much physical or emotional stress.
@ole'skool I agree, and I think that is a good thing. From the stats on divorce and OOW children with a Black father and non-White mother it appears that they need to do much better, but I keep hoping that if Black men become so happy with non-Black women they will see less of a need to make Black women miserable. This is a futile hope but it's still there. And, cynicism aside, everyone should be happy.
1 month ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post
@lisafree Sigh....dominant and recessive genes have nothing to do with genes being "better" or "worse," desirable or undesirable to have. It depends on the environment...a huge hint as to why they evolved in the first place.
1 month ago on Asset Maximizing: Black Women Have the ‘Ageless Advantage’
@mzsunshine And there isn't even Italian gallantry to make that "Madonna/whore" complex a little easier to take? Miss me. Please and thank you.
1 month ago on Latest Foot-In-Mouth Cuisine Highlights How the BC Blames Black Women for Everything.
@Bren82 You can have all of mine! :)
"Let me ask a rhetorical question. When are enough black women going to put up deuces and refuse to be the punching bags and scapegoats of all the ills in the black community?"
I had to sit with this article in silence for a few minutes, because words failed me. If anyone had a doubt about misogynoir being real, about its stranglehold on the psyche of the so-called Black Community, and its complete and utter failure to serve the interests of Black women, just read the article above.
I am truly happy for anyone who has found a safe haven with an African American man, but I have seen enough in my lifetime, in the media and from people who should know better to believe that there is one for me. That is not resignation talking, that's cold, hard pragmatism and self-preservation. I made this choice years before I had "good" reasons; simply because I always had an open mind and attraction for men from many backgrounds ANYWAY. They are on the No Reason To Go There list with beets, bunge jumping, and single engine airplanes, and I make no apologies and offer no disclaimers.
I can excuse multi-dimensional fictional characters (whether I like the show or not) but these reality shows are inexcusable. They exist to paint a stereotypical, one-dimensional view of Black women who are presented as entertainment fodder and tell themselves that they are getting over because they are getting paid.
I can't stand Viola Davis's character on HTGAWM and I think the last season of Scandal was over the top, but Olivia is the hero, not the victim, or the sidekick. No one can say that these two Black female characters are flat, predictable and destructive to the overall image of Black women. What Shonda Rimes is doing simply hasn't been done before. Can we say the same for the depiction of Black women on Bravo, BET and VH1? These shows make me sick to my stomach because there is zero complication in the way these women are depicted.
1 month ago on I’m Taking a Hard Line. Either You Are With Us, Or You Are Against Us.
@Maxine @Cami2210 @Statuesque So with you ladies! Keep the chemicals far away from me. The sun is not the problem, but nutritional deficiency is.
Astaxathin is an anti-oxidant that offers even more protection against sun damage. It's what makes salmon and flamingos pink. I take it in capsule form for extra Omega 3s, internal sun screen, and because I don't eat fish regularly.
Ugh she looks crazy. I don't even know which Braxton this is but she needs to take it down about 20 notches.
Okay one of these women is a nutcase who butchered her face but I do feel bad for Hollywood actresses who become desperate to keep a fresh face when genetics and time are working against them.
Jennifer Anniston is exceptionally well preserved. But any Black actress in her 40s is looking that young without really trying.
1 month, 1 week ago on Asset Maximizing: Black Women Have the ‘Ageless Advantage’