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I love your honesty in this piece. Marriage and sex are such tricky subjects and very emotionally charged for everyone. I married 3 times. I married with children, lived together with children and without. I will say that I do not regret living with the men; I do wish I had selected better.
I married the first time because I was pregnant - and I KNEW it was not a match. I knew it and I did it anyway because I caved to the family pressure that said I should marry the father of my unborn child. We had been living together for 2 years. This was not rushed but I knew it wasn't right and I had planned to break it off and then the birth control failed.
I married the second time because I had been a single mom for a number of years and I was tired. The man promised me the world and I wanted to believe him. If I had lived with him for more than 2 months before the wedding I might have known how dangerous he really was and saved myself and the kids a lot of heartache. The abuse didn't show when we lived apart and didn't come up until after "I Do".
I strongly support getting to know your significant other as well as possible before marrying and if that means you live together for 100 years than so be it. Better that than end up in the divorce courts. And I am convinced some people should never be married ever. I used to think I was one of them until I met my current husband. You and the Farmer's Daughter remind me a lot of my own beginnings with my husband. We are perfect for each other and we took our time - which included living together before marriage with our children (four daughters all together). I now have my Happily Ever After. Here's hoping you will too - all 3 of you.
1 year, 8 months ago on The Next Big Step with The Farmer’s Daughter
" By this I hope to be more inclusive..." Inclusiveness will always be a strength in my book. Anytime ones beliefs are challenged or dismissed, there is defensiveness. Defensiveness, in my experience, closes more minds and doors that might have actually opened to a new thought or idea. Right now with so many discussions going on around major societal changes like feminism or rape culture or tolerance for strangers we need openness; we need discussion and we need awareness.
Your description of methodological humanism (an almost unbearably dry phrase if there ever was one) points the way to have a discussion that is so desperately needed. The biggest drawback I see to this? The closed minds of others who will see this as an attack on religion or spiritual beliefs - or on anything for that matter. That closed mindedness or defensiveness becomes the way to exclude anyone or anything that is uncomfortable or new and to stifle discussion and return to shouting matches and name calling disguised as debate. Personally, I am done with that. It's time to teach something different because our old ways aren't working. Just a bare glance at the rhetoric around the shooting of school children in my home state and bombs in my old neighborhood shows me that.
2 years ago on Methodological Humanism – Beyond Belief and Disbelief
Thank you for your honesty. Most of all, thank you for your boundaries...it is what it is and not anyone else's business. I really wish this didn't matter so much, the whole question of who we love and the people who feel compelled to pass judgement on it. I have gone through this personally. I watch my lesbian daughter go through this. In a perfect world it should not matter who we love, only that we love. With so much hate around us, love should trump all. But it doesn't. Right now that makes me saddest. Not even angry at the moment, just sad.
I love your voice. I love your writing and I don't care who you love. I love that you love. That's where the hope is.
For what it's worth, the love I see on your face in the pictures with the Farmer's Daughter is the most out-there expression of love I think I have ever seen. You deserve the happiness. Everyone does.
2 years ago on The Harsh & Hurtful Reality of Being Bisexual
Informed choices if one has limited knowledge. Making changes in equality should be about bringing the bottom up - and a true feminist does see it that way. The best ones do.
I do like hearing from the men in this debate. After all, this is about the men too. I like that you strive for the balance here and I think you've presented that in your series.
2 years ago on Feminism and Humanism
Well stated article. I personally try more toward the Humanist rather than the Feminist as we are all human beings and shouldn't be defined only by a gender. The points made regarding education are spot on. If education is stunted or withheld we only cripple those valuable resources. How can anyone make a change of any kind or make n
I get judged all the time for all kinds of stupid reasons - I'm female, I have multiple piercings, "butch" haircut. My daughters are the same kind of unique - mohawks, purple/blue/green/maroon hair, "goth" outfits, piercings, gauges. Whatever. Still I find myself guilty of judging others the way I hate being judged myself. I love this story here; helps me remember to be human.
2 years ago on The Girl with the Many Bracelets