Bio not provided
@athenahm Or not. Don't get me wrong, I love the Pintester but I don't display my own sh*tty crafts let alone those someone else conjured up. But perhaps you are a more gentle and forgiving soul than I. Someone has to be the balance for cynics such as myself.
2 years, 2 months ago on Sock Snowman
I expected so much worse from you. Oh the disappointment when I see that Calvin is actually not a vomit-worthy little troll of a sock creature. Nicely done, master of the permanent finger button, nicely done.
@CrystalKYuhhyzaguirre @Truffles8761 lol! Sorry to disappoint, but I can always use a grinchy drinking buddy.
2 years, 2 months ago on Book Christmas Tree
I know I'll probably be stoned for this (and not the good kind either), but I cannot wait until all of the "Christmas Cheer" is over. I'm taking my little stack of books, my booze, and my cat and I'm headed for the basement until January.
So was this a half fail? What final consistency did you have?
2 years, 2 months ago on DIY Candy Serving Tray
I'm so filled with pride for your craft accomplishment that I may have shed a tear. It was either that or post nasal drip. I can't be sure. I will toast your triumph with a cocktail. To be fair, I would have toasted your failure with a cocktail as well, but this is even better.
2 years, 2 months ago on Boxwood Wreath
Only videos can do a good belch justice.
2 years, 2 months ago on Video Poll
@Ethne Hedren Denham This is from Tootsie.com: Created in 1925, the portable caramel lollipop was originally called the PapaSucker, later changing its name in 1932 to suggest “a wealth ofsweetness”--hence, Sugar Daddy.
2 years, 2 months ago on Salted Microwave Caramel
Glorious. I once made caramel on the stove top and had that crap cemented to the sauce pan. After removing the bulk of the caramel, I filled the pan with water and boiled it. The stuff came unglued with no trouble and I just spooned it out. Just wondering, did you spray your pan with cooking spray or prepare it in any way?
2 years, 3 months ago on Salted Microwave Caramel
I love your background music...kind of a jazzy game show theme. I thought when you held up your hand at the end and said "Merry Christmas" that you were going to lower all but the middle finger. Maybe for the next cocknails....
2 years, 3 months ago on Cocknails: Holiday
Ah, another satisfied customer. Congratulations, Pintester, on your brand new bouncing baby troll. Mazel Tov!
2 years, 3 months ago on Italian Crockpot Chicken
You're brave to even post this one. It looks a bit train-wreckish and somewhat vomitty. But I really have to give you mad props for "balls". BTW, I love Kraft Mac & Cheese. Does that make me a bad person?
2 years, 3 months ago on Instant Mug Mac & Cheese
It's my pleasure to read your blog. And I, too, am sorely disappointed by your successful Thanksgiving chow. I must now consider the possibility that I have surpassed the master at abject failure. Curses!
2 years, 3 months ago on Corn Casserole
"The last eighth I’ll let you guess about." Challenge accepted. I'd put money on a frisky husband.
As for the bun, at least you have thick enough hair to attempt one. My hair is so fine, I can't even make a respectable ponytail.
2 years, 3 months ago on Modern Bun
I know exactly what you mean. I have also been experimenting with alcohol I have around to come up with a cocktail I can sip while exploring the meaning of life. I mixed a shot of kahlua gingerbread, the juice of one orange, a maraschino cherry and a tsp. of the juice from the maraschino jar. I topped it off with some diet ginger-ale, garnished with an orange slice and added ice. Damned if that wasn't one fine libation for the contemplation of existential matters (and the viewing of a truly craptastic horror movie).
2 years, 3 months ago on Candy Apple Cocktail
@aMUSEme8 It's similar to the British using the term "Hoover" and "hoovering" for vacuum and vacuuming.
2 years, 3 months ago on Pintester Q and A
I just can't work up any sympathy for these angsty pre-teens. Back in the day (after I walked to school 50 miles in the snow) I'd get my ass kicked, my lunch money stolen, and my clothes ridiculed all before lunch. If I was lucky I would get to the bus to go home with one more ass kicking and a tiny allotment of dignity.
2 years, 3 months ago on Pesky Zippers
Is it chocolate? Good enough.
2 years, 3 months ago on Diet Soda Cake (or Cupcakes)
Thanks for sharing (and even over-sharing). I particularly enjoyed your dog trolling for kibble.
m_pinning - I like the cut of your jib and the ingredients in your cake. In fact, I may make one this very moment. Here's to our cakes and bakers with similar styles.
2 years, 3 months ago on 2 Ingredient Apple Pie Cake
I'm particularly fond of your trademark shit-eating grin. No matter what you're testing, I can always count on that.
2 years, 3 months ago on Homemade Facial Chemical Peels
@lisamfabry Shameless is best. I can respect shameless.
2 years, 3 months ago on Creamy Chicken & Noodles
I have to wonder if the Pintestes are in need of more fiber.
2 years, 3 months ago on Novels, Gas, and Potty Talk
This actually looks pretty good and is making my mouth water. Don't know about butt-ass and cockles, but I'll take those noodles (with some fava beans and a nice Chianti).
I potty squattied in the woods once and got poison ivy.
I said something similar the other day only it went more like "Shut your pie hole and get a room". Similar, no? I didn't bother with the rest of the quote.
2 years, 4 months ago on Coincidence, Fate, and Pessimism
Your look of pure joy at having created a successful soap cloud is worth it all. I suspect you'd been drinking. I know I would have been.
2 years, 4 months ago on Ivory Soap Clouds
You make watching paint dry a whole lot more interesting.
2 years, 4 months ago on Cocknails: Glow in the Dark
Finally! A craft that takes all of 2 minutes to complete and costs damn near nothing. And a bonus penis plate. Life is good.
2 years, 4 months ago on Eyes in the Bushes
I'm sorry. I refuse to lube a pumpkin and my hatred for gutting them is well documented.
2 years, 4 months ago on Kitty Jack-o-lantern
I don't know anyone who had a success with this pin (and I know many who tried). You are in the majority. Me? I'd add some chocolate dots and call them "spotted dicks".
2 years, 4 months ago on Witch Finger Cookies
@JoyLuVasquez Trust me when I tell you that was an unpleasant flashback for all of us. And I've never had my arm up a cow's "vageen". But hey, thanks for the visuals. lol.
2 years, 4 months ago on Jello Worms
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy your failures immensely and I wouldn't change a thing...for you. I did wonder if spraying the straws with cooking spray would make removal any easier. I didn't wonder enough to try it myself. Maybe someone who isn't as bone-idle as I am will give that a go and get back to me.
2 years, 4 months ago on Dripping Blood Manicure
@JaimieLynnDeutsch Gruesome. lol You didn't attend SIPS by any chance? Hang out in Riyadh?
2 years, 4 months ago on Brain Hemorrhage Shot
@Libraryofbird Kudos for "apple jacked" (made me laugh out loud). There are so few times in life where that term can be used.
2 years, 4 months ago on Apple Smiles
Can I just smear peanut butter on gigantic marshmallows and call it a day? I can roll 'em in potato chips and call 'em porcupines. Either way, I'm eating some peanut buttery marshmallows.
@kp95dc15 I know we're all relieved.
2 years, 4 months ago on Copycat Chick-fil-A Nuggets
@sMelsGood Crazy cat ladies unite!!!!!
2 years, 4 months ago on What If
That whatever was in my eye (eye lash, cat hair, who knows) is gone. 'Cause that was annoying as hell.
That I didn't make a complete ass of myself at the interview. Partial ass, yes. Complete ass, no.
BTW, tell those butt-monkeys at AP that red photos are easily fixed with Photoshop. Shame on them, they should know that.
Wise are the Pintestees. That drink produces that coppery taste in my mouth that indicates a volcanic vomit is forthcoming. At least you're sporting your Halloween nail WIN. I can admire them while gagging.
First off, your pintestees have talent. That dingle-berry is a thing of beauty. This pintest...huarf. Let me re-iterate. Huarf. Your execution was fantastic. No beef with that. That vile Halloween concoction, "candy corn", makes my bile rise. Don't get me started on the wretched candy pumpkins. That combination of barely edible Halloween sugar rush is suitable only for the vilest of demons in the lowest boil encrusted ring of Hell. But hey, good job.
2 years, 4 months ago on Candy Corn Crunch
@anchesson I feel you. I've been all over that pumpkin spice creamer today.
@Christine G Awesome dingle-berry action! What does this say about us? Lovely photoshop job and it's the dingle-berry we love.
Or his big ass ice cold feet looking for my butt crevice. I have a few choice words for that too.
2 years, 5 months ago on The Way You Move
You made the right call. Screw licorice in chocolate. That's just so wrong in so many ways. And I don't care what it looks like, chocolate and marshmallows will always be good. Just throw a blob in the cup. Call it eyeballs, spleens, pancreas, whatever it takes and guzzle it.
2 years, 5 months ago on Ogre Eyes Hot Chocolate
I've put some real crap on my porch but I would not put that thing out. I'm thinking of a "Pinhead" pumpkin but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make a dog's dinner out of that. Just in case, I'm gonna have some booze handy and sit out on my front stoop drinking and tell everyone I'm a wino for Halloween.
2 years, 5 months ago on Tomato Cage Ghost
Points for starting off the month with a nice stiff one. Extra points for starting off with a drink. I think I'll sub the bourbon for sake and add some fresh grated ginger...'cause that's just how I roll (on the floor like a drunk monkey).
2 years, 5 months ago on Bourbon Cider Cocktail
Dutch oven? That's no friend. I think it's also a highly defendable plea in court (not guilty by reason of dutch oven) and likely will get you off assault charges.
2 years, 5 months ago on Marriage