Livefyre Profile

Activity Stream

@athenahm Or not.  Don't get me wrong, I love the Pintester but I don't display my own sh*tty crafts let alone those someone else conjured up.  But perhaps you are a more gentle and forgiving soul than I.  Someone has to be the balance for cynics such as myself.

1 year, 7 months ago on Sock Snowman

Reply

I expected so much worse from you.  Oh the disappointment when I see that Calvin is actually not a vomit-worthy little troll of a sock creature.  Nicely done, master of the permanent finger button, nicely done.

1 year, 7 months ago on Sock Snowman

Reply

@CrystalKYuhhyzaguirre @Truffles8761 lol!  Sorry to disappoint, but I can always use a grinchy drinking buddy.

1 year, 7 months ago on Book Christmas Tree

Reply

I know I'll probably be stoned for this (and not the good kind either), but I cannot wait until all of the "Christmas Cheer" is over.  I'm taking my little stack of books, my booze, and my cat and I'm headed for the basement until January.

1 year, 7 months ago on Book Christmas Tree

Reply

So was this a half fail?  What final consistency did you have?

1 year, 7 months ago on DIY Candy Serving Tray

Reply

I'm so filled with pride for your craft accomplishment that I may have shed a tear.  It was either that or post nasal drip.  I can't be sure.  I will toast your triumph with a cocktail.  To be fair, I would have toasted your failure with a cocktail as well, but this is even better.

1 year, 7 months ago on Boxwood Wreath

Reply

Only videos can do a good belch justice.

1 year, 7 months ago on Video Poll

Reply

@Ethne Hedren Denham This is from Tootsie.com:  Created in 1925, the portable caramel lollipop was originally called the PapaSucker, later changing its name in 1932 to suggest “a wealth ofsweetness”--hence, Sugar Daddy.

1 year, 7 months ago on Salted Microwave Caramel

Reply

Glorious.  I once made caramel on the stove top and had that crap cemented to the sauce pan.  After removing the bulk of the caramel, I filled the pan with water and boiled it.  The stuff came unglued with no trouble and I just spooned it out.  Just wondering, did you spray your pan with cooking spray or prepare it in any way?

1 year, 7 months ago on Salted Microwave Caramel

Reply

I love your background music...kind of a jazzy game show theme.  I thought when you held up your hand at the end and said "Merry Christmas" that you were going to lower all but the middle finger.  Maybe for the next cocknails....

1 year, 7 months ago on Cocknails: Holiday

Reply

Ah, another satisfied customer.  Congratulations, Pintester, on your brand new bouncing baby troll.  Mazel Tov!

1 year, 7 months ago on Italian Crockpot Chicken

Reply

You're brave to even post this one.  It looks a bit train-wreckish and somewhat vomitty.  But I really have to give you mad props for "balls".  BTW, I love Kraft Mac & Cheese.  Does that make me a bad person?

1 year, 7 months ago on Instant Mug Mac & Cheese

Reply

It's my pleasure to read your blog.  And I, too, am sorely disappointed by your successful Thanksgiving chow.  I must now consider the possibility that I have surpassed the master at abject failure.  Curses!

1 year, 7 months ago on Corn Casserole

Reply

"The last eighth I’ll let you guess about."  Challenge accepted.  I'd put money on a frisky husband.

As for the bun, at least you have thick enough hair to attempt one.  My hair is so fine, I can't even make a respectable ponytail.

1 year, 8 months ago on Modern Bun

Reply

I know exactly what you mean.  I have also been experimenting with alcohol I have around to come up with a cocktail I can sip while exploring the meaning of life.  I mixed a shot of kahlua gingerbread, the juice of one orange, a maraschino cherry and a tsp. of the juice from the maraschino jar.  I topped it off with some diet ginger-ale, garnished with an orange slice and added ice.  Damned if that wasn't one fine libation for the contemplation of existential matters (and the viewing of a truly craptastic horror movie).

1 year, 8 months ago on Candy Apple Cocktail

Reply

@aMUSEme8 It's similar to the British using the term "Hoover" and "hoovering" for vacuum and vacuuming.

1 year, 8 months ago on Pintester Q and A

Reply

I just can't work up any sympathy for these angsty pre-teens. Back in the day (after I walked to school 50 miles in the snow) I'd get my ass kicked, my lunch money stolen, and my clothes ridiculed all before lunch.  If I was lucky I would get to the bus to go home with one more ass kicking and a tiny allotment of dignity.

1 year, 8 months ago on Pesky Zippers

Reply

Is it chocolate?  Good enough.

1 year, 8 months ago on Diet Soda Cake (or Cupcakes)

Reply

Thanks for sharing (and even over-sharing).  I particularly enjoyed your dog trolling for kibble.

1 year, 8 months ago on Pintester Q and A

Reply

m_pinning - I like the cut of your jib and the ingredients in your cake.  In fact, I may make one this very moment.  Here's to our cakes and bakers with similar styles.

1 year, 8 months ago on 2 Ingredient Apple Pie Cake

Reply

I'm particularly fond of your trademark shit-eating grin.  No matter what you're testing, I can always count on that.

1 year, 8 months ago on Homemade Facial Chemical Peels

Reply

@lisamfabry Shameless is best.  I can respect shameless.

1 year, 8 months ago on Creamy Chicken & Noodles

Reply

I have to wonder if the Pintestes are in need of more fiber.

1 year, 8 months ago on Novels, Gas, and Potty Talk

Reply

This actually looks pretty good and is making my mouth water.  Don't know about butt-ass and cockles, but I'll take those noodles (with some fava beans and a  nice Chianti).

1 year, 8 months ago on Creamy Chicken & Noodles

Reply

I potty squattied in the woods once and got poison ivy.

1 year, 8 months ago on Novels, Gas, and Potty Talk

Reply

I said something similar the other day only it went more like "Shut your pie hole and get a room".  Similar, no?  I didn't bother with the rest of the quote.

1 year, 8 months ago on Coincidence, Fate, and Pessimism

Reply

Your look of pure joy at having created a successful soap cloud is worth it all.  I suspect you'd been drinking.  I know I would have been.

1 year, 8 months ago on Ivory Soap Clouds

Reply

You make watching paint dry a whole lot more interesting.

1 year, 8 months ago on Cocknails: Glow in the Dark

Reply

Finally!  A craft that takes all of 2 minutes to complete and costs damn near nothing.  And a bonus penis plate.  Life is good.

1 year, 8 months ago on Eyes in the Bushes

Reply

I'm sorry. I refuse to lube a pumpkin and my hatred for gutting them is well documented.

1 year, 8 months ago on Kitty Jack-o-lantern

Reply

I don't know anyone who had a success with this pin (and I know many who tried).  You are in the majority.  Me?  I'd add some chocolate dots and call them "spotted dicks".

1 year, 9 months ago on Witch Finger Cookies

Reply

@JoyLuVasquez Trust me when I tell you that was an unpleasant flashback for all of us. And I've never had my arm up a cow's "vageen".  But hey, thanks for the visuals.  lol.

1 year, 9 months ago on Jello Worms

Reply

Don't get me wrong.  I enjoy your failures immensely and I wouldn't change a thing...for you.  I did wonder if spraying the straws with cooking spray would make removal any easier.  I didn't wonder enough to try it myself.  Maybe someone who isn't as bone-idle as I am will give that a go and get back to me.

1 year, 9 months ago on Jello Worms

Reply

Beautiful!

1 year, 9 months ago on Dripping Blood Manicure

Reply

@JaimieLynnDeutsch Gruesome.  lol You didn't attend SIPS by any chance?  Hang out in Riyadh?

1 year, 9 months ago on Brain Hemorrhage Shot

Reply

@Libraryofbird Kudos for "apple jacked" (made me laugh out loud).  There are so few times in life where that term can be used.

1 year, 9 months ago on Apple Smiles

Reply

Can I just smear peanut butter on gigantic marshmallows and call it a day?  I can roll 'em in potato chips and call 'em porcupines.  Either way, I'm eating some peanut buttery marshmallows.

1 year, 9 months ago on Apple Smiles

Reply

@kp95dc15 I know we're all relieved.

1 year, 9 months ago on Copycat Chick-fil-A Nuggets

Reply

@sMelsGood Crazy cat ladies unite!!!!!

1 year, 9 months ago on What If

Reply

That whatever was in my eye (eye lash, cat hair, who knows) is gone.  'Cause that was annoying as hell.

That I didn't make a complete ass of myself at the interview.  Partial ass, yes.  Complete ass, no.

1 year, 9 months ago on What If

Reply

BTW, tell those butt-monkeys at AP that red photos are easily fixed with Photoshop.  Shame on them, they should know that.

1 year, 9 months ago on Brain Hemorrhage Shot

Reply

Wise are the Pintestees.  That drink produces that coppery taste in my mouth that indicates a volcanic vomit is forthcoming.  At least you're sporting your Halloween nail WIN.  I can admire them while gagging.

1 year, 9 months ago on Brain Hemorrhage Shot

Reply

First off, your pintestees have talent.  That dingle-berry is a thing of beauty.  This pintest...huarf.  Let me re-iterate.  Huarf.  Your execution was fantastic.  No beef with that.  That vile Halloween concoction, "candy corn", makes my bile rise.  Don't get me started on the wretched candy pumpkins.  That combination of barely edible Halloween sugar rush is suitable only for the vilest of demons in the lowest boil encrusted ring of Hell.  But hey, good job.

1 year, 9 months ago on Candy Corn Crunch

Reply

@anchesson I feel you.  I've been all over that pumpkin spice creamer today.

1 year, 9 months ago on Candy Corn Crunch

Reply

@Christine G Awesome dingle-berry action!  What does this say about us?  Lovely photoshop job and it's the dingle-berry we love.

1 year, 9 months ago on Candy Corn Crunch

Reply

Or his big ass ice cold feet looking for my butt crevice.  I have a few choice words for that too.

1 year, 9 months ago on The Way You Move

Reply

You made the right call.  Screw licorice in chocolate.  That's just so wrong in so many ways.  And I don't care what it looks like, chocolate and marshmallows will always be good.  Just throw a blob in the cup.  Call it eyeballs, spleens, pancreas, whatever it takes and guzzle it.

1 year, 9 months ago on Ogre Eyes Hot Chocolate

Reply

I've put some real crap on my porch but I would not put that thing out.  I'm thinking of a "Pinhead" pumpkin but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make a dog's dinner out of that.  Just in case, I'm gonna have some booze handy and sit out on my front stoop drinking and tell everyone I'm a wino for Halloween.

1 year, 9 months ago on Tomato Cage Ghost

Reply

Points for starting off the month with a nice stiff one.  Extra points for starting off with a drink.  I think I'll sub the bourbon for sake and add some fresh grated ginger...'cause that's just how I roll (on the floor like a drunk monkey).

1 year, 9 months ago on Bourbon Cider Cocktail

Reply

Dutch oven?  That's no friend.  I think it's also a highly defendable plea in court (not guilty by reason of dutch oven) and likely will get you off assault charges.

1 year, 9 months ago on Marriage

Reply

Well, that looked pretty crappy.  I have made ice-cream sans ice cream maker with sweetened condensed milk which turned out very well.  (Basically you whip the stuff then freeze it).  But this....well....looks pretty crappy.  Just sayin'.

1 year, 9 months ago on Soda Ice Cream

Reply

Awwwww, our little Pintester is growing up.

1 year, 9 months ago on Pepperoni Pizza Puffs

Reply

Well shit fire and save matches!  I am really glad this works because I do, occasionally use a dry shampoo.  I've been using Tresemme.  It's good stuff but I like cheap.  If I can make it myself for a few cents, I am all over it.  Nice job Pintester.  Think I'll use vodka and add a twist of lemon for scent.  Then I can have a sip or two whilst brushing my hair out.

1 year, 10 months ago on Homemade “Dry” Shampoo

Reply

@Sally Rountree I'm with you.  Menses is nothing to celebrate.  The end of menses is champagne worthy.

1 year, 10 months ago on Celery Stamped Roses (and the NCMA Pinup)

Reply

I wonder if you could replace the wire with rubber spline or something.  Test that and get back to me ('cause ain't nobody got time fo dat).  I probably would need steel cable but I think that will poke through the fabric too.  Hell with it.  I should just bite the bullet and buy a scaffold and pulley system.

1 year, 10 months ago on 10-Second Underwire Bra Repair

Reply

I completely agree with everything Doctor Tarr said and his compulsions.  I'm there Dr. T.  I feel it.  As for this pintest, I totally bought the reviews.  I guess deep down I doubted but I wanted to believe and so I did.  Any man of mine will be happy with my experimentation or be taking me out to dinner.  It's a win win, really.

1 year, 10 months ago on Man-Pleasing Chicken

Reply

Even if it weren't creepy it would make me a bit nauseated.  (I'm just not the romantic type).

1 year, 10 months ago on Dude. Ocean. Not cool.

Reply

Delicious!

1 year, 10 months ago on Copycat Chick-fil-A Nuggets

Reply

Hell with the Pintest.  The dancing was worth watching even if the zip tie trick didn't work.  I recommend a dance video for your next project.

1 year, 10 months ago on Escape From Zip Ties

Reply

After my first attempt at one of these, I am loathe to try any others.  I can't stand the pain of losing a layer of face skin.  To be perfectly honest, I can't spare it.

1 year, 10 months ago on Baking Soda Blackhead Remover

Reply

I just don't understand what you think you're accomplishing by bashing a humor blogger.  It's fine to have a different sense of humor and go to another site for your entertainment, but what can be gained by these comments?

1 year, 10 months ago on Cake Batter Martini

Reply

Ha! Better you than me.  I was going to try this one.

1 year, 10 months ago on Kool-Aid Lip Stain

Reply

I could never display my thighs.  I would never have the patience to sit in vomit smelling plastic.  I guess I will just have fat flabby thighs and live vicariously through others.

1 year, 10 months ago on Body Wrap At Home

Reply

Hahahaha...chewy flatulence indeed.  I made some of that for my lunch guests today.  Don't really want to know how that all worked out, but I'm guessing my guest list will be shrinking drastically.

1 year, 10 months ago on A Touching Tale of Poo (and a chance to win some Rockin’ Green soap!)

Reply

Good for you.  Have fun.

1 year, 10 months ago on Bahamas Vacation

Reply

Oh come on Wtf, did you not read any of the disclaimers on the site?  It's comedy.

1 year, 10 months ago on Crockpot Dulce de Leche

Reply

@ValouX I bet that's delish.  I used to wear a perfume by the same name.  Any idea what the word means?

1 year, 11 months ago on Hot Toddy

Reply

So is that starve a fever, drown a cold with as much alcohol as you can possible pour down your throat?  'Cause I'm all over my next cold and stocking up on liquor.

1 year, 11 months ago on Hot Toddy

Reply

Wow.  It looks wonderful.  I will enjoy it vicariously.

1 year, 11 months ago on Olive Garden Pasta Alfredo

Reply

Fabulous!  Only a woman secure within her soul will video stuffing earbuds up her nose (and listening to that vile tune).  Good for you.  You do us all proud.  Extra credit for licking the bud.  Try this...rub your finger behind your ear several times then have a sniff.  Lemme know how that goes.

1 year, 11 months ago on Nostril-Mouth Speakers

Reply

Nicely done.  Baking eggs is tricky.  I think your microwave punt was a good one.  And I am also a believer that damn near any kind of crap tastes good with bacon & cheese.  As for kale, the stuff is really good sauteed in bacon grease and onion.  Toss in a little balsamic vinegar and you can actually eat that shit.

1 year, 11 months ago on Baked Eggs

Reply

@ElizabethL Go the old fashioned route with flaming sugar cube.  Bet that'll cut the taste of ass a bit.

1 year, 11 months ago on The Dandy Lion

Reply

Damn, girl.  You make me appreciate diabetes.  So, I guess, thanks for making me NOT want cookies.

1 year, 11 months ago on Peanut Butter and Jelly Thumbprint Cookies

Reply

You are the suck.  I am the suck.  We are all the suck.

1 year, 11 months ago on Growing Pains and Apologies

Reply

If I had any coordination whatsoever, I might try this but I suspect my right hand will look like hell in a handbasket.

1 year, 11 months ago on Ombre Nails

Reply

KateGeorge...I feel your pain.  I, too, am diabetic and know the hellborn evil that is artificial sweeteners.  So this Pintester win was particularly heart-wrenching.  The one thing that actually works and I am shut out.  I gaze longingly at the lovely pics and drool on my carrot sticks.  I curse them and their orange smugness.  Congrats, Pintester, on your victory!

1 year, 11 months ago on Sticky Bun Breakfast Ring

Reply

Oh, I am with TexasBobbi...I find feet disturbing.  I understand their importance but I just don't want to look at them.. ever.  I can deal with my own in a most rudimentary way, but the thought of "dolling" them up implies that you want people to look at them.  I can barely stand to look at them.  I may need therapy.

1 year, 11 months ago on Whiten Toenails with Toothpaste

Reply

@Sahra That actually sounds pretty good.  Was it overly "herby"?

1 year, 11 months ago on The Dandy Lion

Reply

There is no shame in being a Trekkie.  Some of the wealthiest, most successful people in the world are Trekkies.  I'm not one of them...I'm just saying.

1 year, 11 months ago on Annoyed Picard

Reply

@Doctor Tarr  Indeed it is.  The difference is that Sambuca is not also ass flavored.

1 year, 11 months ago on The Dandy Lion

Reply

I won't drink anything that tastes like ass.  I don't care how creative it's supposed to make me.  I'll toss back a shot of Sambuca and be a dullard, thank you very much.

1 year, 11 months ago on The Dandy Lion

Reply

I'm impressed with your heroic effort.  It doesn't look half bad.  It doesn't look half good either, but you take what you can get, right?

1 year, 11 months ago on The Side Chignon

Reply

It would be a little Pam and cornmeal to lube up the pan for me....if I liked cornbread....or hot dogs....or corndogs....or taking the time to make these for a function I would never attend for people I don't even like.

1 year, 11 months ago on Corn Dog Mini Muffins

Reply

So was it worth wasting a perfectly good Amber Ale?  Would it have been just as mediocre without it?  I'm just saying that I can always accomplish mind numbing blandness without using a perfectly good beer.

1 year, 11 months ago on Beer Crockpot Chicken

Reply

Well played, Pintester.  Looks like shit, but gets you plenty blasted.  Who can ask for more?  I'm gonna try the rag curtains I saw on Pinterest recently and I'm thinking some nasty drink would make that experience infinitely more entertaining.

1 year, 12 months ago on Cake Batter Martini

Reply

I had similar non-results.  I followed directions.  I used the correct Listerine.  I wrapped my feet and read a book in the bathtub.  The reveal was less than stellar and, in fact, revealed absolutely no change with the exception of a bit of "pruning".  I prefer oiling up, putting on socks, and going to bed (emphasis on going to bed).  This is a much more effective method for softening crusty feet and catching up on much needed sleep.

2 years ago on Shaving Cream and Listerine Foot Mask

Reply

It's not for everyone.  I wouldn't ruin a perfectly good banana by freezing it.

2 years ago on One-Ingredient Banana Ice Cream

Reply

Yompus!

2 years ago on Italian Crockpot Chicken

Reply

Wow, I might actually try this (minus the fruit porn).

2 years ago on Baked Cheese Balls

Reply

I bet the only difference between your drunken pork and theirs is a food stylist.

2 years ago on Drunken Pork Chops

Reply

I would ask you to try the gelatin facial mask, but I've done that and wouldn't wish it on anyone.  Now if you want to remove the first couple layers of skin, it's the go-to choice. 9 out of 10 sadists prefer it.

2 years ago on What If I Told You…

Reply

I'm glad you did this.  I've done the stovetop method (which turned out really well) but was getting lazy and wanted to try the crockpot method.  Now that I know it sucks, I don't have to.  Thanks again!

2 years ago on Crockpot Dulce de Leche

Reply

First, love this blog.  Just thought I'd put that right up front.  I've tried this recipe and while I have always "kneaded" the soda in with the cake mix, it has come out beautifully.  I've used frozen fruit, canned fruit, and fresh.  It all seems to come out the same.  I've used diet soda and regular with the same results.  But I definitely make sure the cake mix is moistened.  Thanks for heating up your house.  I look forward to your next sacrifice.  D

2 years ago on Easy Berry Cobbler

Reply