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The way I stopped being single was to avoid men like Frank. He's totally the kind of guy to pull the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line after you've been dating for a while. Best thing a young Black girl can do is to learn his type early on. The sooner the better. And as much as I hate to say it a lot of Black men have this mentality. They do this non-committal, string a girl along thing so much.
So tired of these books designed to clobber Black women over the head with all this shitty advice. They never tell Black men anything. Why don't they give advice to Black men and tell them to stop the casual sex with women they clearly do not want relationships with.
2 days, 4 hours ago on When IBM Nonsense Doesn’t Go Over Well with White America
@Pretty1984 Reddit though? That place has an active group of members from Stormfront. :/
1 week, 2 days ago on Take That, Haters! BB&W ‘Circle of Support’ In Action with Wronged IR Couple
@lanicert Oh wow this one is beautiful!!
@Alexander Skobeleff @trinigirl1 @kennaGransberg @jazzyfae45 I can understand. I had an uncle who was deaf and he married a woman who was deaf. This was before the internet and yes it was a struggle for them to get information on many things. They very much trusted what people told them. It sounds like you learned a lot from your experience. Good luck in finding your lady!
2 weeks, 5 days ago on Reader Weighs In: Wife vs. ‘Wifey’
@Christelyn @ShunJAY No we're not. Fox News regularly hires "liberals" who are more closer to conservatives or who have weak ideologies so that they can say they are fair and balanced. The documentary "Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism" explains this really well. It's on Netflix.
2 weeks, 5 days ago on Don’t You Just Love it When Racists Slip? Fox News Guest, Bob Beckel Equates ‘Intercultural Dating’ with Radical Islam
@kennaGransberg @trinigirl1 Majority of anime characters are Japanese. We see them as White because we've been conditioned to. The explanation is a bit involved, but Japanese don't see the characters as White. White people are usually drawn as blonde, blue eyed and very prominent nose. Actually looking at the nose is a good indicator of who is white.
4 weeks, 1 day ago on Glad to See More Non-Black Men Seeing Through the Lies About Black Women.
Prepare for the stampede on your inbox, these two are stunning!
4 weeks, 1 day ago on Young, Beautiful, Sexy, Talented, Accomplished and Single? Not For Long!
I'm light skinned myself and I'm not too thrilled about the documentary. Sure individuals with light skin have to deal with negative comments, but it's nothing like the entrenched, systemic prejudice against darker skinned Blacks. I don't need any sympathy just because my cousin's African wife called me yellow at Christmas dinner. No, I didn't like the comment, but trust me it hurts me far worse when I see those ignorant dark skinned memes, or when I hear my beautiful dark skinned relatives say they aren't beautiful because of their skin.
1 month ago on Okay; I’ll Admit It. I’m Feeling Some Kinda Way about the New Doc, “Light Girls.”
I saw the pictures on another site so it's great to get the backstory. Cute baby!
1 month ago on Farhia and Jason – Customs, Cultures and Baby Makes Three!
@Patricia Kayden @keimiasmoon I understand, but I've heard similar, if not worse from Whites as well as other races. But people are lumping all Asians into one category because of some Asian man who wrote a letter on the internet.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Another Letter From an Asian Guy…
I hope his mom gets better!
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Christine and Masa – East Meets West
Why do White men get a pass for racist behavior but not other races of men? Honestly, if we're going to be quite frank, a lot of the interracial movement among Black women was started by Black women themselves, not by other races of men. There are men from every single race that has something mean to say about Black women. There are men from every race that will hide a Black women from his family while still wooing her in the privacy of his own home. I'm not sure why Asian men are being singled out for all the ire.
@ShunJack @keimiasmoon @Swirlgirl28 ambw.meetup.cm for offline groups. There are plenty of Facebook groups but yes I've seen the thirstiness by Black women on those. Unless the Facebook groups are heavily moderated or led by focused Black women they all seem to turn that way. (You could probably write a book on why some Black women feel the need to act that way but I think we all know.) There are various blogs, tumblrs, Youtube video, a ning forum. Just type AMBW and sift your way through. I'm not an expert on the groups .
@Swirlgirl28 There are numerous AMBW groups some started by Asian men. Honestly the AMBW crowd seems to be the most organized out of all the interracial pairings for Black women.
Wow, reading through this thread is kind of depressing. I think we should acknowledge that there still remains a large gap between Asian communities in America and Black communities. And no doubt American society pits the two against each other, framing one as the model minority and the other as pathological. But I have been heartened that the issues are starting to be addressed in Asian communities. I think while there are some Asian men who think like the email writer and lianhejiandui (whose post below I saw before it was moderated), there are some who are fine with it. Family issues, I think, do play a larger role (Perhaps the Asian men here can speak more on this). AMBW relationships aren't unfamiliar to me, but in most cases that I've seen the Asian man's family had a huge problem. I've seen the reactions go from strained tolerance to outright disowning. This is not something I want. Family is very important to me and I can't imagine having children who aren't accepted by family just because of their race. This is what gives me pause but I won't rule them out. Otherwise I find Asian men fine as hell and as a Black women I definitely don't accept the stereotyping of Asian men that society perpetuates. Perhaps future generations will have more success.
As far as culture goes, if that's important to you then yes find someone who shares the same culture. I'm ambivalent. I come from an immigrant family and never felt truly American. It's not a lifestyle I can see myself in anyway. I've always been attracted to men with non-traditional upbringings so I have no qualms dating someone from some obscure ethnic group in some remote place out in the Pacific, though I appreciate when I date Native American men there is a familiarity in culture.
I don't mean to offend, but a lot of Americans just don't have experience with cultures outside of America much less marrying into one. Many other cultures have a strong group dynamic that's almost non-negotiable whereas individuality does reign supreme in America. I think however, it's important not to make assumptions. Some Americans are fine with the culture change, some immigrant groups are fine with the culture change.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Asian Men…I’m Getting To a Certain Point Where I’m Ready to Throw it In.
@markhaaseth @Dmandaman2 That's the new B.S. they're spouting now. That the Black women who date interracially don't get "dimes" or really good looking men. Which I've found silly because most people are average and find others who are average. Apparently your interracial relationship isn't good enough for these folks unless your partner looks like a model. Who knows what they'll come up with next.
2 months ago on Propaganda Ramping Up On Black Women Dating and Marrying Interracially
@FriendsofJay @zipporah @Brenda55 @ReynoldsJames @Ms Pata Pata I love man buns...
2 months, 1 week ago on SirLoins Babe Wednesday: The net effect
@Brenda55 @keimiasmoon I mean at the first sign of aggression to just leave. We caught the altercation half way. I would say the same thing to a woman. Yes he SHOULDN'T have to do anything of the sort, and neither should a woman but this is a tactic I use to keep myself safe on public transportation. When a fight starts to happen people gleefully take out their cell phones, laugh, egg people on etc. I leave.
You're thinking I'm saying that he was wrong for hitting her, but that's not what I'm saying.
2 months, 1 week ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?
@Law Wanxi What are the names of these shows? Particularly the one with the Blacks Behaving Badly segment?
Ok I'm going to chime in because I'm seeing a lot of misconceptions about the aggressiveness of girls. It doesn't always come from lack of training, abuse etc. It comes from the need to defend yourself, and for some of these girls, the first hit against them is just plain old life. I have said many times, while I would love for Black women to be soft and feminine many of our young girls are not living in neighborhoods where they can be that way. There is no room to be soft. If you don't project a hard exterior you become a target, for bullies, for street harassment and everything else. I was raised in a loving household in the Bronx in a middle-class neighborhood with two parents but was taught from young "If someone hits you, you hit them back". I think my willingness to fight was the main reason why despite being a quiet bobble-headed stringbean of a nerd, I never experienced any major bullying. I never started any fights nor was I a bully like this girl was, but if someone said something to me I'd have something smart to say right back regardless if they were male or female. And if they stepped to me I would step right back. I didn't care if it was a male or female. No one protects you, you only have yourself.
In high school I mellowed out. I don't like conflict but my commute to school required me to take public transportation which many other students from other schools took. My catholic high school had a no tolerance policy towards fighting so I just practiced avoidance. While it was cool to sit at the back of the bus, I took the front. If there was a group of boisterous students on one subway car I took another. If I had the choice I sat on the opposite side of the classroom away from the "beastlies" as we called them, a group of Black female students who were loud and aggressive. (I went to an all girls school).
Don't get me wrong, I hate hate hate this mentality of being loud and aggressive, on both Black men and women. But I also have sympathy because I know what it takes to get to that point. When I see these kinds of videos I feel both anger and sadness. Her punishment (by the court) was well deserved. I still think the man could have practiced more avoidance, perhaps changed cars at another stop but I know the mentality is to stick around and defend yourself.
The point is unless the neighborhood, and neighborhood culture around these girls change, they can't and they won't.
Tech courses and courses on business and how to make money do very well on Udemy.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/239622
@YnaFloren Wow! I haven't owned a television in 2 years and I think it's a great decision.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on I’m Taking a Hard Line. Either You Are With Us, Or You Are Against Us.
I registered, but for some reason I can't post. I can only view the posts.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Open Forum: What’s the deal McNeil?
@MissyMorose I am so so sorry you went through this. It just shows the importance of mentoring the young girls in our lives.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on QOTW: “How Do I Stop Believing I’m Undesirable?”
@zipporah Omg one of my guy friends has crows feet and when he smiles, it just lights up his whole face. It's so handsome! I thought I was the only one that liked this.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Asset Maximizing: Black Women Have the ‘Ageless Advantage’
@_Toni_ It's also uneven blow-back. I've seen this time and time again where Black women will go hard for their church while the men are silent.
2 months, 3 weeks ago on How the ‘Black Church’ Cheated this Woman Out of the Possibility of Marriage with Kids…
@PaoloP Yeah once a man uses the word "simp" I already know his mentality. These poor men are getting horrendous advice on masculinity from some of these Youtube "advisors".
2 months, 3 weeks ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?
@CassieM12345 Ughh, I couldn't deal with that all the time. Look how different it was when a woman did this same experiment in New Zealand: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXdMAXaMicc
2 months, 3 weeks ago on So…Street Harassment is Important Now That White Women Are the Focus?
@BreannaNouveaux @Bren82 Very good points.
@caligirl94117 I had no bust and I still got harassed. :(
There is a study that found a connection between Black women's obesity and sexual abuse: http://articles.latimes.com/2012/jul/04/news/la-heb-abuse-obesity-20120703. Nobody wants to touch this issue though.
@lindsaynagle Black male pick up artist: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfXZN37NK0bTTP-Gnhnr7jQ
The PUA community is largely white and male though and I've seen comments about how they admire the way Black men run game. That above video has an incredible amount of dislikes and negative comments, so I don't think this guy is getting a pass.
@Neecy However some churches make it seem that it is sinful to choose a mate out of a very strict set of guidelines. Yes from the outside looking in you have choice, but when you're in it and being told that X way is the only way to do something right, other options don't seem like they are valid choices.
@Bellydancer Those answers are the same I hear from Black professional men. They decide to settle down starting in their late 30s, early 40s if they want to get married at all. They have enough women doing everything for them, playing wifey because they are considered "Good Black Men". They ply these women along with just a possibility of something more then move on when the next pretty thing walks by. Wash, rinse, repeat. Then they consider stopping when they see themselves getting old and crusty and can no longer pull in the naive 20 somethings.
2 months, 3 weeks ago on I’m Beginning to Think that Many Black Folks are Contented in Dysfunction.
@kennaGransberg @keimiasmoon @ibetnoonehasthisusername Yes I've heard about that. Also the recent story about Carletha Gaither who was abducted in Philadelphia while no one helped. I was responding to the claim that if a video was made with Black women it wouldn't have made the news. I responded by talking about the Stop Telling Women to smile project that included video, art and a multi city tour and was all over the news. I'm talking about specific projects designed to expose street harassment. This has been making the news and we should be using that as a springboard to talk about the wider issues surrounding that, not dismissing a video because we don't like the colors of the women involved. It's not an either or situation. That's all I'm getting at.
@kennaGransberg @keimiasmoon @ibetnoonehasthisusername Did you see the press list for Stop Telling Women To Smile project? http://stoptellingwomentosmile.com/Press
@ibetnoonehasthisusername That's not true, other Black women have spoken up against street harassment and have been on the news as well.
@Laura_j I have shirts I wore at 11 years old that still fit me because I used to wear them so baggy. I used to wear them like that so they could cover my butt. I thought it would lessen the street harassment.
@Browncow It's sad that the behavior in the video is seen as "tame". I didn't think it was.
I'm confused, White women are constantly asked to recognize their privilege and use it for good and then when it finally happens Black women are upset? Furthermore Jessica Williams who is Black did a great skit on SNL about street harassment. The "Stop Telling Women To Smile" art project has been covered by major newspapers like the New York Times and the creator has been on major news stations like MSNBC. The list is quite impressive (http://stoptellingwomentosmile.com/Press). Sometimes I get frustrated at Black people because they think people don't follow an issue because they don't care, when really the problem is promotion. These people created a video that was simple and clearly illustrated the problem. Videos that show the street harassment tend to get more attention.
No some women are complaining that they edited out the White men. Did anyone force that Black guy to follow that women for 5 minutes though? Can we talk about how the Black community protects these abusers for fear of letting another Black man fall victim to the "system"? I remember being at a party at my friend's college (a women's college) when at the end of the party a group of Black men refused to leave and got belligerent. They were offended we told them to leave, not understanding that the college had a strict policy of when parties should end. They verbally abused several of the women there. Instead of calling the police my friend just hoped they would leave. She said, "I would call the police but I know how Black men get treated." She thought she was doing a good thing. And for the record, my friend wasn't Black she was Asian/White.
And to those people who say "they were just saying hi" or "just being polite". No they weren't or else they'd be saying it to the men too. I come from a culture where people actually do greet each other on the street. Men get told "good morning" too by other men, not just women. That's being polite. The "good mornings" in this case are just a sales tactic to force an interaction. Because if you don't interact with them then you are the one that looks like the bad guy because they can say "I was just being polite". Like the author I've been told to greet back so as not to anger the man. Think about that. I'm not saying "good morning" to be polite, I'm saying it because I fear them. That's messed up. And so typical of the way dysfunctional behavior is normalized that we just accept it.
@NicoleLittle @MarthaLankford I have seen so much questionable sexual behavior in Black "conscious" circles. From "polygamy" (in quotes because none of the women were married), to wanting complete submission under the guise that Black women must be protected. Those men can run a good game because they're Good Black Men ™.
@Brubino844 Yeah if you look at the stats the South and the West have pretty good numbers when it comes to interracial dating and marriage.
3 months ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
@zipporah @cns @tf9009 Ehh, I'm not down with all that "true" stuff because that only seems to get thrown and Indigenous folks. My own tribe has a lot Black mixes who get "You're not a real Native" thrown at them. It's hurtful.
@ChocolateDiva They say "Give a brotha a chance" then if something goes wrong it's all "That's what you get for being with a no-good man" or "You attract what you put out, work on yourself."
3 months ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
@Harold13 Atlanta is its own beast.
@darkandlovely @joytulip I don't find this true either. Most of the other cultures in America want a woman who is educated. This harping on submission seems to be a big thing in certain Christian and African American circles. I remember talking about this with my boyfriend because I was talking to him about my experiences dating and how once I considered taking off information about my degrees on my profile because it might scare men away. I was told (by Black men) that men don't care about degrees. He told me "You weren't around the right men." My degree is a plus for him. If we are married we are more likely to be financially stable, the kids are more likely to be healthy and educated. It's a win-win for everyone.
Both man. It's pie.
3 months ago on Is Pumpkin Pie for White People?
Go to Meetup.com and find a meetup. I'm so jealous of you guys in big cities that have tons of meetups. If I was there I'd go. I actually did go to a new tech Meetup in my city. I was one of 2 women, out of maybe 40 people. I'm already taken, but I wondered how it would have been if the group was around years ago!
3 months ago on Leona’s Love Quest: The ABC’s of Finding Love
@Swirlgirl28 That's sad. Yeah it's rough. I have a Native friend that had three kids by two Black men. They are barely in the kids life. She ended up marrying a White man last year. I've seen too many fatherless half Black half Native children to count. And it really makes me mad because these kids need to learn about their Black heritage too and it can be hard for a mixed blood on a reservation, whether you're mixed with White or Black. I don't think Black men understand what they are getting into with Native women. Men in Native culture have a lot of responsibility and if you marry in you're expected to pull your weight too. I think some Black guys can't deal with that.
3 months ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?
@AnakaMuthaEarth Jingle dresses are heavy too. You got his number tho? :-P
@AnakaMuthaEarth No Cloth is cool too!!