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@FriendsofJay @zipporah @Brenda55 @ReynoldsJames @Ms Pata Pata I love man buns...
5 days, 15 hours ago on SirLoins Babe Wednesday: The net effect
@Brenda55 @keimiasmoon I mean at the first sign of aggression to just leave. We caught the altercation half way. I would say the same thing to a woman. Yes he SHOULDN'T have to do anything of the sort, and neither should a woman but this is a tactic I use to keep myself safe on public transportation. When a fight starts to happen people gleefully take out their cell phones, laugh, egg people on etc. I leave.
You're thinking I'm saying that he was wrong for hitting her, but that's not what I'm saying.
1 week ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?
@Law Wanxi What are the names of these shows? Particularly the one with the Blacks Behaving Badly segment?
Ok I'm going to chime in because I'm seeing a lot of misconceptions about the aggressiveness of girls. It doesn't always come from lack of training, abuse etc. It comes from the need to defend yourself, and for some of these girls, the first hit against them is just plain old life. I have said many times, while I would love for Black women to be soft and feminine many of our young girls are not living in neighborhoods where they can be that way. There is no room to be soft. If you don't project a hard exterior you become a target, for bullies, for street harassment and everything else. I was raised in a loving household in the Bronx in a middle-class neighborhood with two parents but was taught from young "If someone hits you, you hit them back". I think my willingness to fight was the main reason why despite being a quiet bobble-headed stringbean of a nerd, I never experienced any major bullying. I never started any fights nor was I a bully like this girl was, but if someone said something to me I'd have something smart to say right back regardless if they were male or female. And if they stepped to me I would step right back. I didn't care if it was a male or female. No one protects you, you only have yourself.
In high school I mellowed out. I don't like conflict but my commute to school required me to take public transportation which many other students from other schools took. My catholic high school had a no tolerance policy towards fighting so I just practiced avoidance. While it was cool to sit at the back of the bus, I took the front. If there was a group of boisterous students on one subway car I took another. If I had the choice I sat on the opposite side of the classroom away from the "beastlies" as we called them, a group of Black female students who were loud and aggressive. (I went to an all girls school).
Don't get me wrong, I hate hate hate this mentality of being loud and aggressive, on both Black men and women. But I also have sympathy because I know what it takes to get to that point. When I see these kinds of videos I feel both anger and sadness. Her punishment (by the court) was well deserved. I still think the man could have practiced more avoidance, perhaps changed cars at another stop but I know the mentality is to stick around and defend yourself.
The point is unless the neighborhood, and neighborhood culture around these girls change, they can't and they won't.
Tech courses and courses on business and how to make money do very well on Udemy.
1 week, 2 days ago on Conversation @ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/239622
@YnaFloren Wow! I haven't owned a television in 2 years and I think it's a great decision.
1 week, 5 days ago on I’m Taking a Hard Line. Either You Are With Us, Or You Are Against Us.
I registered, but for some reason I can't post. I can only view the posts.
2 weeks ago on Open Forum: What’s the deal McNeil?
@MissyMorose I am so so sorry you went through this. It just shows the importance of mentoring the young girls in our lives.
2 weeks ago on QOTW: “How Do I Stop Believing I’m Undesirable?”
@zipporah Omg one of my guy friends has crows feet and when he smiles, it just lights up his whole face. It's so handsome! I thought I was the only one that liked this.
2 weeks, 1 day ago on Asset Maximizing: Black Women Have the ‘Ageless Advantage’
@_Toni_ It's also uneven blow-back. I've seen this time and time again where Black women will go hard for their church while the men are silent.
2 weeks, 6 days ago on How the ‘Black Church’ Cheated this Woman Out of the Possibility of Marriage with Kids…
@PaoloP Yeah once a man uses the word "simp" I already know his mentality. These poor men are getting horrendous advice on masculinity from some of these Youtube "advisors".
2 weeks, 6 days ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?
@CassieM12345 Ughh, I couldn't deal with that all the time. Look how different it was when a woman did this same experiment in New Zealand: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXdMAXaMicc
3 weeks ago on So…Street Harassment is Important Now That White Women Are the Focus?
@BreannaNouveaux @Bren82 Very good points.
@caligirl94117 I had no bust and I still got harassed. :(
There is a study that found a connection between Black women's obesity and sexual abuse: http://articles.latimes.com/2012/jul/04/news/la-heb-abuse-obesity-20120703. Nobody wants to touch this issue though.
@lindsaynagle Black male pick up artist: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfXZN37NK0bTTP-Gnhnr7jQ
The PUA community is largely white and male though and I've seen comments about how they admire the way Black men run game. That above video has an incredible amount of dislikes and negative comments, so I don't think this guy is getting a pass.
@Neecy However some churches make it seem that it is sinful to choose a mate out of a very strict set of guidelines. Yes from the outside looking in you have choice, but when you're in it and being told that X way is the only way to do something right, other options don't seem like they are valid choices.
3 weeks ago on How the ‘Black Church’ Cheated this Woman Out of the Possibility of Marriage with Kids…
@Bellydancer Those answers are the same I hear from Black professional men. They decide to settle down starting in their late 30s, early 40s if they want to get married at all. They have enough women doing everything for them, playing wifey because they are considered "Good Black Men". They ply these women along with just a possibility of something more then move on when the next pretty thing walks by. Wash, rinse, repeat. Then they consider stopping when they see themselves getting old and crusty and can no longer pull in the naive 20 somethings.
3 weeks ago on I’m Beginning to Think that Many Black Folks are Contented in Dysfunction.
@kennaGransberg @keimiasmoon @ibetnoonehasthisusername Yes I've heard about that. Also the recent story about Carletha Gaither who was abducted in Philadelphia while no one helped. I was responding to the claim that if a video was made with Black women it wouldn't have made the news. I responded by talking about the Stop Telling Women to smile project that included video, art and a multi city tour and was all over the news. I'm talking about specific projects designed to expose street harassment. This has been making the news and we should be using that as a springboard to talk about the wider issues surrounding that, not dismissing a video because we don't like the colors of the women involved. It's not an either or situation. That's all I'm getting at.
@kennaGransberg @keimiasmoon @ibetnoonehasthisusername Did you see the press list for Stop Telling Women To Smile project? http://stoptellingwomentosmile.com/Press
@ibetnoonehasthisusername That's not true, other Black women have spoken up against street harassment and have been on the news as well.
@Laura_j I have shirts I wore at 11 years old that still fit me because I used to wear them so baggy. I used to wear them like that so they could cover my butt. I thought it would lessen the street harassment.
@Browncow It's sad that the behavior in the video is seen as "tame". I didn't think it was.
I'm confused, White women are constantly asked to recognize their privilege and use it for good and then when it finally happens Black women are upset? Furthermore Jessica Williams who is Black did a great skit on SNL about street harassment. The "Stop Telling Women To Smile" art project has been covered by major newspapers like the New York Times and the creator has been on major news stations like MSNBC. The list is quite impressive (http://stoptellingwomentosmile.com/Press). Sometimes I get frustrated at Black people because they think people don't follow an issue because they don't care, when really the problem is promotion. These people created a video that was simple and clearly illustrated the problem. Videos that show the street harassment tend to get more attention.
No some women are complaining that they edited out the White men. Did anyone force that Black guy to follow that women for 5 minutes though? Can we talk about how the Black community protects these abusers for fear of letting another Black man fall victim to the "system"? I remember being at a party at my friend's college (a women's college) when at the end of the party a group of Black men refused to leave and got belligerent. They were offended we told them to leave, not understanding that the college had a strict policy of when parties should end. They verbally abused several of the women there. Instead of calling the police my friend just hoped they would leave. She said, "I would call the police but I know how Black men get treated." She thought she was doing a good thing. And for the record, my friend wasn't Black she was Asian/White.
And to those people who say "they were just saying hi" or "just being polite". No they weren't or else they'd be saying it to the men too. I come from a culture where people actually do greet each other on the street. Men get told "good morning" too by other men, not just women. That's being polite. The "good mornings" in this case are just a sales tactic to force an interaction. Because if you don't interact with them then you are the one that looks like the bad guy because they can say "I was just being polite". Like the author I've been told to greet back so as not to anger the man. Think about that. I'm not saying "good morning" to be polite, I'm saying it because I fear them. That's messed up. And so typical of the way dysfunctional behavior is normalized that we just accept it.
@NicoleLittle @MarthaLankford I have seen so much questionable sexual behavior in Black "conscious" circles. From "polygamy" (in quotes because none of the women were married), to wanting complete submission under the guise that Black women must be protected. Those men can run a good game because they're Good Black Men ™.
3 weeks, 1 day ago on I’m Beginning to Think that Many Black Folks are Contented in Dysfunction.
@Brubino844 Yeah if you look at the stats the South and the West have pretty good numbers when it comes to interracial dating and marriage.
3 weeks, 4 days ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
@zipporah @cns @tf9009 Ehh, I'm not down with all that "true" stuff because that only seems to get thrown and Indigenous folks. My own tribe has a lot Black mixes who get "You're not a real Native" thrown at them. It's hurtful.
@ChocolateDiva They say "Give a brotha a chance" then if something goes wrong it's all "That's what you get for being with a no-good man" or "You attract what you put out, work on yourself."
3 weeks, 4 days ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
@Harold13 Atlanta is its own beast.
@darkandlovely @joytulip I don't find this true either. Most of the other cultures in America want a woman who is educated. This harping on submission seems to be a big thing in certain Christian and African American circles. I remember talking about this with my boyfriend because I was talking to him about my experiences dating and how once I considered taking off information about my degrees on my profile because it might scare men away. I was told (by Black men) that men don't care about degrees. He told me "You weren't around the right men." My degree is a plus for him. If we are married we are more likely to be financially stable, the kids are more likely to be healthy and educated. It's a win-win for everyone.
Both man. It's pie.
3 weeks, 6 days ago on Is Pumpkin Pie for White People?
Go to Meetup.com and find a meetup. I'm so jealous of you guys in big cities that have tons of meetups. If I was there I'd go. I actually did go to a new tech Meetup in my city. I was one of 2 women, out of maybe 40 people. I'm already taken, but I wondered how it would have been if the group was around years ago!
4 weeks ago on Leona’s Love Quest: The ABC’s of Finding Love
@Swirlgirl28 That's sad. Yeah it's rough. I have a Native friend that had three kids by two Black men. They are barely in the kids life. She ended up marrying a White man last year. I've seen too many fatherless half Black half Native children to count. And it really makes me mad because these kids need to learn about their Black heritage too and it can be hard for a mixed blood on a reservation, whether you're mixed with White or Black. I don't think Black men understand what they are getting into with Native women. Men in Native culture have a lot of responsibility and if you marry in you're expected to pull your weight too. I think some Black guys can't deal with that.
1 month ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?
@AnakaMuthaEarth Jingle dresses are heavy too. You got his number tho? :-P
@AnakaMuthaEarth No Cloth is cool too!!
@caligirl94117 @AnakaMuthaEarth You can get a DNA test, but no tribe accepts that as proof. It's better to get names of family members and trace where they were from. If you're from the South, the Dawes Roll is a good place to start if you want to find Native American family members.
@AnakaMuthaEarth What category you dance in? I love Jingle dress.
@tonyrog @dani-BBW @AnakaMuthaEarth Also wanted to add there is a professor by the name of Tiya Miles who is married to a Native American man: http://tiyamiles.com/biography/
She's written for the Huffington post about interracial marriage and Black women too! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tiya-miles/interracial-dating-and-marriage_b_4213066.html
@tonyrog @dani-BBW @AnakaMuthaEarth @keimiasmoon I remember this pic I think the guy is Ojibwe. He looks a bit like my boyfriend who is part Ojibwe too, complete with the straight haired "fro" lol. But yeah there aren't a lot of public couples. I was thinking of starting a blog if all goes well between us. There was one about a Navajo man and a Black woman but it's not updated anymore: http://zhindian.blogspot.com/ Still a good read though.
@dani-BBW @AnakaMuthaEarth @keimiasmoon Yes I've seen plenty Native men date Black women. I'd say Native men as a group are interested in Black women. The problem is that a lot of them don't live in areas where there are a lot of Black women to date! Also they tend to get ignored by everyone on online dating sites except for the weird German women and White women who have read too many drug store romance novels.
Then you have the problem of enrollment. We have high rates of marrying out in general but it seems like in my generation we are all trying to marry back in. Many tribes have blood quantum requirements which makes dating a bit harder. Most of the guys I've dated have been full blood. They don't have to worry about their children not being enrolled because any child they have will at least be 1/2. I imagine a guy who is like 1/4 might be more inclined to look for a fullblood than someone who is mixed.
There is poverty, alcoholism, abuse as with any impoverished community. But I have to say the difference that I've seen is that these problems are addressed in a structured way. And I really have to give it to Native men because they are out there leading the efforts to combat all these problems at the same time honoring and praising Native women while they are doing it. And when there is a Native woman doing her thing she gets support. I can say there is some really good healing going on in Indian country that makes me proud despite all of our problems. I do often wish the Black community was more structured in addressing things :( I usually don't talk about comparing the two groups because it's a touchy subject and people can get offended.
How are Native American men raised? That's a broad question but respect for women is placed pretty high. You will always have the men who will take easy booty regardless so don't automatically expect they are all princes lol.
@AnakaMuthaEarth @keimiasmoon Osiyo dohijv! Lol my ex spoke Cherokee. I don't date White but I do get comments about why I don't date within my own tribe. The answer is because I'm related to a good chunk of the men! Then of the remaining I have to select those that align with my values. Coupled with the fact that I live far from my reservation makes it very hard. I understand though.
@caligirl94117 @keimiasmoon I am sorry that is your experience.
*Sigh* I think his intentions are good but misguided. I know there are Black men that read the site. To them I would say, yes while we're venting it may seem like a "Crap on a Black men" parade. But most us already now there are good Black men out there. I have great members of my family who are great men including my own dad. I've never believed the stereotypes that all Black men were thugs. I hardly was ever around the thuggish type growing up anyway. I don't need a Black men to tell me I'm great as much as I need Black men to tell other Black men I'm great. Think of it like this, if I was in a room surrounded by men who were shouting at me and telling me how awful I am, what good would it do me if another man came in, told me that I was a Queen, then turned on his heels and left? That's what these "compliments" feel like, empty. I get the feeling that as a group this younger generation of Black men like Black women, but they don't really love us. Black women have suffered for decades of bad Black men destroying the image of the Black woman for bucks, laugh or whatever while good Black men have sat back and let it happen. That's what hurts. It's good that this poster mentors Black male teens. Part of what needs to be corrected is the harmful pseudo-masculine culture of Black men, but they'd never take that advice from a woman. I see the way it harms young Black men and doesn't allow them to fully express their feelings like love while valorizing harmful emotions like misdirected anger, indifference and physical and emotional violence. I really do hope the OP is planning to come out. There needs to be a movement by men for men. I am done asking for their love. I saw the writing on that wall real early.
As far as dating I look for values. I want to be married and have children within wedlock. Good Black Men milk the cows for every last drop and only when the milk becomes scarce do they think of buying the cow. (Sorry to use the cow analogy, lol). I don't have time to wait until a man is nearing 45 to decide that he wants to settle down. Other men are marriage minded in their 20s and 30s. That's who I go for. I'm Black and Native American and now I pretty much date Native men. Some of the stuff Black men say towards Black women would never fly in the Native community.
@MimZ241 I definitely thought that while the issues are valid the writer was not the right messenger. I saw that "genetic gift" comment too.
1 month ago on Listen Ladies! If You’re Going to Complain About How “Black Men Hate You” While Scoffing at Expanding Your Options…Then You’re Just Begging.
Holy sh*t. You exceeded the goal in record time.
1 month, 1 week ago on Video: Update on the BB&W Fund Raising Push!
I say name and shame the people threatening. Also remember YOU HAVE POWER TOO! When you see a threatening comment, hover over the person's name and you will see a little "x" appear in the upper right hand corner. This is an option to hide the comment, but when you click on it, it will give you an option to report the person.
Have you gotten in contact with Facebook? Considering your status as an author and business woman you have a good chance of fighting them. Not saying you're gonna get to talk to Zuckerberg, but Facebook probably doesn't want to lose your business.
1 month, 1 week ago on Beyond Black & White Fan Page is Under Attack Again. Time to Go to War.
@Tempaccount Yeah I've already said before I can go to any Native American reservation and see half Black half Native kids with no fathers. One Navajo woman said that to me outright that the Black fathers don't stay. Black men already have a reputation up there. Almost all my Native friends that have mixed Black children don't have the fathers around. Only one does, and he's a an old-school Black man who is a great father. I see way too many mixed Black kids in general to know that the problem is with the men who think they know what they want but they really don't. When the women start to ask them for more committment and to take more responsibility, they bounce.
1 month, 1 week ago on The Iyanla Vanzant Cluster Cuss: We BB&W MUST Keep Discussing the High OOW Rate
@oekmama I don't think that's much of an excuse. I'm sure he does plenty of interactions by internet. Does he use email? Does he (or his assistants) pay bills online? Etc. The internet is real life in his world unless he's one of those people who live off the grid.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Is Robert Pattinson a Lame Swirler? Leaves Black Girlfriend to Save Himself From Online Bullies!
I think he should make a statement soon. Does he have to curse them out, no but a statement of support for FKA to his fans would at least let people know his stance. I think defending and standing up against racism is really important in interracial relationships, and White men have the most social power in this society to address that. Why wouldn't you want to protect the one you love? Sure choose your battles, but this one is fairly easy.
@LilaLeslie Lol I asked my my non Black male friends what actions a woman does that stop a man from being a man and they were confused. The conversation was hilarious, one of them was like "Well, like in the bedroom..." haha, I had to cut him off because he totally didn't understand the question. That concept doesn't occur to them, the same way when I have discussions about love and marriage with them they don't start spouting off nonsense about being submissive and cooking and cleaning.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Three men who say they are “good.” Three types of men black women should stay the hell away from.
@Christelyn @Justme65 @International_Responder One of my dad's friends finally got married at 64.
2 months ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option