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@SweetGardenia @Cheree  But you know, I don't think Black Churches will address this.  If a black woman gets a covering from a white man as a husband, the Black Church won't be operating as usual and those who are pulpit pimps will be out of business.

1 week ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post



I am so sorry for you and your sister.  It is just terrible to have cancer.  the cancer protocol in the U.S. is not good and all doctors follow it.  If your sister is to receive chemo and/or radiation, please make sure she gets her vitamins and nutrients, in very healthy doses  -- if she will listen.

I have struggled with 30 lbs all my life.  You see, it was the cakes and pies and cookies from the corner store which had HFCS even back in the 1970s.  When you eat that shit young, you damage your liver for life, I am convinced.  I have always been overweight, for about 15 years, I was 10 pounds overweight.

I am now 30 pounds overweight and I am awaiting the results of a genetic test for propensity to cancer.  If I have the gene, I will have to fast.  For some reason, that is the only way I lose weight.  I will start by totally cutting out starches.  Apparently, my liver cannot process it.

It really hit me when I went to the wake for the father of a friend of mine and in the funeral home lobby were nothing but brochures about diabetes.  It reminded me of the late 1970s when there were brochures about smoking and lung cancer in the lobbies of some funeral homes.

We need to make very creative salads, cut all died and process foods, and eliminate starches until we make significant weight losses.  Also, cut out soda and fruit juices.  Natural juices, no more than 4 ounces a day.

Now, if I can just follow my own advice.

God bless your family Chris.

1 week ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.


Steve Harvey and Tom Joyner are trifling.  These fraternity men cannot hook a sistah up with a decent brotha?  No they cannot. 

Because black men have so alienated themselves from black women and re-oriented themselves toward non-black women, that they have got all of us thinking it is more natural for them to be with women of other races/cultures.

But please don't judge Jacque.  Re-orientation takes a minute.  I am in the process of doing it myself.  I am re-orienting myself away from the "brothas", the "struggle", the "'hood", the "message" and I am 53 years old.  It takes a minute.

She is indoctrinated and that takes time to come out of.  This reality check that the black man has always been against us was very well hidden.  For it to be in these numbers (black man/other woman) and it has been going on, very quietly, steadily and STEALTHILY.  And no one pulls their collar.  So I cannot ignore the obvious, so I have to be deprogrammed and thank God for a site like this and participants like all of you.

She will come around and it will hit her when she least expects it.  When she finds out she's been had, all of a sudden it will hit her and she will come around.  I look at black men now the way I looked at white men in the 1980s:  all they want is their "black" experience.  Sorry, but no black men is parking his ______ in me until his Latina/Asian/White fairytale comes along.

But, just give Jacque a minute.

And to any black woman lurking, if you leave in Missouri, please don't go anywhere near Ferguson, MO.  Don't rally for Pres. Obama when they come for him after the Republican majority is sworn in in January 2015.  Don't contribute to any black male initiatives. 

Re-orient, deprogram and "exorcise" your mind.  It isn't easy as I am presently doing it, but it's necessary and it is healthy and healing.

1 week, 2 days ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post


@kennaGransberg @Deanna125  You know, I didn't understand his decision to jump in.  At that point, it just looked like a free for all.  I am just glad the "chivalrous" guy didn't get hurt.

These little crazy kids need to learn that people are very stressed in this economy and everyone is a ticking time bomb.  I am overly polite on the trains because I am living a very stressful life right now so I understand what frayed nerves are.  Work, school, dr. appts. and a big dip in pay since I have been laid off.

I think the guy who slapped her was stressed and the guy who jumped in was just trying to stop something that was going to end very badly.  The girls also started fighting a guy who was trying to restrain her.

1 week, 2 days ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?


@trinigirl1 @JackieDee Thank you both for sharing.  What a gift to share such stories.  I too was verbally and physically abused by my mother who was very troubled and never really grew up past the age of 17.

We have a different relationship and the thing is, I somewhat forgive her because she was separated from my father when we were young and all the responsibility was on her and she came from a family of trouble-makers.  And guess what, now her family of trouble makers are reaping such trouble.

Trini:  Although you suffered, you were blessed to see karma in action as your mother died young (sounds like it if you were 24 when she died).  And Jackie, I was called everything under the sun and I figured it out as I am sure you did also:  jealousy.  My own mother and her family was jealous of me.  As a child, I was always so confused.

We are new sojourners because so many want to see us fail.  Old black hateful women, young ghetto black women, black men, why?  because we don't have their same mindset.  Forget white racism, hell we got Ferguson everyday in the 'hood.  Not to take away from the issue of Ferguson, but there is a vibration of violence and anger in Blackistan and it starts in the homes of Blackistan.

1 week, 2 days ago on QOTW: “How Do I Stop Believing I’m Undesirable?”


@BreannaNouveaux  Beautifully written Breanna.  You are truly transcendent.  I went to school with girls like this in the 1970s except they didn't step to a man, only other women.

We are blessed to have found this community because we are going to have to detach with love from black women and girls like this.  We will have to leave this ratchedness behind.

They are under the "witchcraft" of negative images from television, reality TV, movies, and most of all, rap.

These negative images are then confirmed by daily disrespect by the community -- everyone in the community, not just black men.

There is no male in the household due to single motherhood syndrome in the black community, so they don't even realize their femininity.  Furthermore, Blackistan (a word I learned on this site) doesn't allow black girls to be feminine.  They have to be hard to survive.

Of course, I am sure many black men are jumping for joy because this fits into their pseudo-science about how black women are not marriage material or dateable.

I will continue to be the ambassador for myself and other black women who are pushing forward and through and away from all negativity in the black community, whether it is in the elite black "mis"-leadership strata or in the underbelly of the ghetto low-life.

1 week, 2 days ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?


I am here almost in tears.  Congrats to both of you, stay blessed!

1 week, 4 days ago on Jim’s Story: He Was Never Going to Be Her ‘IBM,’ But…


@NicoleLittle @mlank64  Christianity started in Africa.  It is Romanism, which is the basis for modern day Western Christianity, which is the basis for many of the world's troubles.

IT is the responsibility of all Black Christians to find their way back to the original Christianity.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on I’m Beginning to Think that Many Black Folks are Contented in Dysfunction.


@London Calling  I agree, but let's not forget the Caribbean community.  OOW births are very common, especially in Jamaican households in the US. 

2 weeks, 2 days ago on I’m Beginning to Think that Many Black Folks are Contented in Dysfunction.


@oceanspray  No problem.  It is great that we can use the internet to share our stories.  I am learning just as much from all of you.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?


@oceanspray  Because the 1980s was a very racist period.  I was in my 20s then.  If a WM was dating a black woman in NYC, you better meet in the Village.  Where would you live?  The 1980s were very, very racist.  Old krakkas who had "defeated Hiter" were still very much alive and running things and they were not for interracial marriage.  If a black man was married to a ww, he hid that and if he could not, he was harassed off of his job.

But yes, BM were marrying white, not in large numbers, but I think significant numbers and remember the INTERNET did not exist so we were told it was an anomaly.  They were marrying only the light girls though.  Also, if you lived in a BC you were busy trying to keep your household from the dangers of crack.

You want to judge previous generations, fine, but don't judge 1984 with the standards of 2014.  I don't like the Clintons, but it was the Clinton Administration that coined the term "white privilege" in one of his presidential panels on race.  That is why you can consider men other than black (no shade, I'm happy for y'all), because whites finally were awakened that they weren't better than blacks, they were just privileged.  We always knew that as black folk, we just didn't have a codified national term for it.

Furthermore, the gangsta rap came in from the West Coast and was promulgated by the jewish entertainment moguls.  1980s rap was conscious rap.  Public Enemy, A Tribe called Quest, Eric B and Rakim, hell, even Goodie Mob in the 1990s.  There was an assault on conscious rap to promote the down-low, woman-hating, thuggin', kill a n*gger, ultra materialistic, gang-banging bullsh*t rap whose purpose was to poison minds.  Just like the italian mafia put the dope (heroin) in Harlem in the 1960s, they could not have done that without the consent and aid of willing black men.  And those willing black male dope dealers would drive around in pastel colored cadillacs flaunting their white women (prostitutes).

The funny thing is, the 1970s has now returned in the second decade of the millennium.  Except there is a change:  the junkies are white, and it is the black men who just "want their black experience", in other words just sleep with a black woman but she is not to be even considered as more than just a place to park the d*ck.  The black man is the racist and the white boys are cool.  It is something to digest.  Sorry you didn't have role models, but when you are trying to survive, well, you have to be content with just having your forebearers survived.

Sorry to be so blunt, but maybe when you are my age, you will see things come around and you will be kinda shocked.

2 weeks, 3 days ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?


@International_Responder  Exactly about those boat rides!! Yes!! Let's see how many single black women of our demographic show up to the 100th anniversary of his fraternity, Omega Psi Phi next year, or is it 2016?  See, I don't remember because I am not going.

2 weeks, 3 days ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?


@Sophia @itsgoodtobeme  Very important point you made Sophia about not peeping game.  As my mother always said, don't talk in mixed company, and black men and white women are definitely mixed company so the strategy should not be advertised.  I think a lot of Black women are tired of being attacked by BM and picked on, so they are fighting back and say things like, "well, I don't check for black men anyway, so FU".  But as I counseled on another topic, Black women need to reorient themselves away from black men and just date, NOT AT black men, but just date to date.  And I agree with you, black men are advertising on a global scale, just how DBR that they are.

2 weeks, 3 days ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?


So many, many great comments here.  I just want to post Like on every comment I read.  I can't tell you how good it is to see young black women with good heads on their shoulders.  It reminds me of when I was young and I would see a black person on the television, LOL!!

You know, in the 1960s and 1970s a PhD named William Shockley (invented the transistor radio -- ask your grandmothers what that is) put out reports that were used by racists to block integration.  Blacks were determined to have inferior intellect and character.  This was pseudo-science, all subsequently debunked.

Black men have taken a page out of the book of white racists to justify their commitment to "any woman but a black woman".  We are being portrayed negatively by the media, especially by black rappers, athletes, television hosts and producers.  This is nothing but pseudo-science to justify the BM's decision to not, under any circumstances, marry or respect a black woman.

So, I try and be an ambassador to prove them wrong.  I know plenty of black women who are dignified, classy, kind and reserved, myself included.  Black men will be their own worst PR.

So don't believe the lies, black women, you are desired, just not by black men, and you know what?  That is okay.

2 weeks, 3 days ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?


@DWB Full living humans were considered 3/5s of a person, thus, entitling the south to more representation in the House by those who were not allowed to vote.

Oh, if an unborn child or more accurately, advanced embryo is considered a person, how would that person vote, or, be counted in the census.

The hypocrisy of a racist.  The change is on -- and not through Obama.  You cannot stop the inevitable so you can return to Stormfront now.

2 weeks, 3 days ago on Mia Love Elected for Congress!


@DWB  You are so bigoted.  Pro choice is about making a choice on one's own body, not the enslavement upon the bodies of others.  And the old, canard about the south akin to "Nazis were not pro-Hitler but really pro-Germany"

Thank you for demonstrating that white women are not our friends.  Do you hear that Hilary?

2 weeks, 3 days ago on Mia Love Elected for Congress!


@Minn_man  He made a bad move.  There are enough favors owed to LAPD in Hollyweird that he could have gotten his reputation back without breaking policy.  He tried her in the court of the press.  He cannot do that as a public servant.  She is a civilian, albeit an irresponsible druggie, but she is not an officer of the law.

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Daniele Watts Faced with Lewd Conduct Charges


@darkandlovely @GoldenPrecious  "BM have a rather complicated relationship with the truth"


BM never learned that running game and lying is a game for boys, not men.  Many have been encouraged by their fathers to do so.

It catches up with them in the end, most "complicated relationships" [SMILE] do.

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?


Great video and I love your naturally coiffed hairdo. 

The image of the Black Pantheress has become part of the American psyche.

I am a little new here, but the PSA for BW would be to change our vocabulary.  BW need to stop calling black men brothas, as clearly they don't act like it.  BW need to stop using the terms "holdin' it down" or "ride and die" because those terms are penitentiary vocabulary.  Most importantly, BW need to stop identifying with the "struggle" of black men.  That struggle is only their quest for white supremacy to be bequeathed to them.  All this vocabulary and ideology is from the 1970s and 1980s.  It is a different time now.

I love when you say that we are trying to get away from certain images that were manufactured for us to slip into.  The only way we can get away from these images and behavioral patterns is to change our vocabulary and reorient ourselves away from black men.  No parties where the majority will be BM, no mixers or networking for black folk only, no fraternity/sorority parties, no HBCU homecomings, no "black" movies, no Tyler Perry or Steve Harvey, no purchasing of anything endorsed by a Hollywood/Television celebrity, no blind support of a black candidate.  Much to the dismay of Frances Wesling(sp.?), when we see ourselves separate and apart from BM, and subsequently the Black Community dysfunction, then and only then will we be able to demand how we are to be perceived.

1 month ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”


I know this is off-topic, but OMG, I just watched some "Why black men don't date black women" videos on youtube and I feel BW are definitely under attack from BM.  Even some women from other races have joined in the bash black women fray.  Where is that cyber army who tore down the FB community of BB&W when it comes to defending black women?  I guess as usual, MIA.  It is amazing that BM have now formed a complete baseless science as to why BW are not attractive, mateworthy or marriageable.  Some of the things said by these BM really argued for their own abortion or demise, but they were too stupid to see it that way.  If their mothers had been as what they described as having admirable traits (docility, less drama (angst), etc.) they would not have survived their childhood.

This reminds me of the gay rights struggle in the 1970s.  The gay community hitched its wagon to the Supreme Court's decision to allow women to have abortion under the privacy rule (our bodies, no one's business).  That was the major defense of the gay rights movement.  When AIDS arrived in full swing at the gay community in 1980, this reason of privacy could no longer suffice as defensible.  Thus, the "science" of being born that way showed up on the scene.  Now, I am not saying that soy and birth control pills do not play a part, but it is interesting how science and theory changes to reinforce a position.

So, BM/WW/OW used to be about non-racism and true love and, let me not forget, "I can't find any black women at my level".  Well, now that doesn't fly since there are more educated black women than men and OJ blew the true love theory out the window, so a theory and "science" must be invented that the fault lies in the personality and physical makeup of the BW.  Oh really, talk about BS lies and pseudo science.  It is a total lack of responsibility for the state of Black America today and in the past.  We are accused, ALL OF BW, of being hostile, angry, loud, common, ratchet, etc., but BM refuse to see their behavior in all of the dysfunction in the black community.

I would just like to ask these men who killed 7,000 black people in America in 2011 (FBI stats)?  The overwhelming majority of these murders were by BLACK MEN.  Who are the fathers of the fatherless children?  If a baby momma has 4 kids with 4 different men, then they didn't arrive by the stork, now did they?  One idiot who was married to a Latina said that "brothers" were afraid to lose their wealth because sistahs will get loud in the street and holla for the police to come and arrest you for nothing.  I had to laugh.  97% of the black prison population is there for crimes against the community, not sistahs tryin' to "jam a brotha up".

As Martin Luther King said, no lie lives forever.  Ladies, please, please get as far away from this dysfunction as you can so that the lies reveal not only themselves, but the liars as well.

1 month ago on Listen Ladies! If You’re Going to Complain About How “Black Men Hate You” While Scoffing at Expanding Your Options…Then You’re Just Begging.


@Sybellis @Deanna125  I agree Sybellius.  It shouldn't be that hard to form a relationship.  The good ones are already spoken for, and as women of character who acknowledge our self-worth, we would not consider man-sharing or adultery.  The notion of "good ones" now that I think about it is a carrot to be dangled in the face of BW so as to control the purse strings.  After all, if BW start exploring other options, who will buy a ticket to go to a "Q" [Omega Phi Psi fraternity] party, LOL! 

For BW to explore other options, is not a new concept.  But 30 years ago, dad would look at you cross-eyed and mama would always say, "what are you going to do when he calls you a n&**er?"  Furthermore, white folks were a lot different 30 years ago, trust.  However, for BW to have been contemplating this 30 years ago, shows that this young man does not realize that BW are no longer co-signing on the dysfunction anymore and that makes me very happy.

But like I said in the previous post, just date out because you and my other BW sisters are beautiful creations of God and the opportunity exists now; don't date out as a reaction toward BM, they would still be controlling things that way. 

I was very unimpressed with this young man's letter.  BTW, I am single, never married and childless, so if you have options, please exercise them.

1 month ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?


Great posts about this B%$S letter to BW.  I am much older than many of you posting and I am happy that the opportunities are there for all of you.  It is a different time now, and if other men are checking for you, don't say no.  It was not like that years ago.  Always take care of your spiritual, mental and physical health.  Watch for your haters:  black elite, black lower class, black men, white women, gay men.  It had to be explained to me that BM marry WW because they are chasing acceptance and privilege by matching their maleness with her whiteness. I am embarrassed to admit it, but that is when the light bulb went off for me. BM are willing to sell us out for a "piece of the action" (however small) in the American capitalist system.  So now that they see educated and independent black women expanding their options, they are getting nervous.  Listen, BM have been swirling since the 1950s and all the excuses they used then and now fall flat because they are lies.  They were always given a pass.  Now, you are not giving them a pass, but moving on.  I love it.  If I could tell you about the destruction of the black community with the heroin, crack, crime, violence...  Just date, don't date "at" black men, just date and marry based on mutual love and respect.  I wish all of you the best, you are doing the right thing.  I will continue to read and learn more.

1 month ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?


Great article and a good historical comparison to the NDAA. Hopefully, more will visit this site and ignore the sore loser confederates who are constitutionalists when convenient to their ideology of hate and sloth.

2 years, 6 months ago on An Effective Method to Restore Due Process