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@gignfoxysmom I have a friend who once told me a story like that, only she was the woman who laughed. She's now close to 30 and has never been in a serious relationship. She has the habit of taking drunk men with her home just to cuddle because she feels lonely and needs someone to hold her through the night.
1 year, 9 months ago on Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 11
#59 surprised me. I've never thought of it that way. Does this mean gay/bi men sometimes purposefully act more feminine than what's natural to them? Maybe it'd be easier if the gay/bi symbols were more practical for men to use, in accessories etc.
This seems like a good idea, although I'm a bit skeptical. It sounds like there's supposed to be a "but" in that sentence. There's a risk that you might feel it natural to make the sentence out to be an explanation about why you're prevented from doing what you want to do, when the reality is that nothing is stopping you other than fear of the unknown. You might talk yourself, or help your partner talk herself, out of something worthwhile.
1 year, 10 months ago on The “I Want, I Need” Game
Thank you for this post :)
2 years ago on Behind Closed Doors
I'm not sure how I might be perceived when saying this.. maybe insensitive, maybe open minded, maybe indifferent or maybe full of love... but I've read your posts several times and I'm still having trouble understanding why realizing you're something other than straight would bring so much pain. I can understand why there might be shock and distrust after realizing such a secret has been kept hidden, but I seem incapable of understanding why it'd bring hate, self loathing and suicide thoughts, and it's troubling me
So, please don't change your mind about posting the posts you've described here. Your post won't only be a way for you to deal with the darkness, it's also something others might need to read. I don't believe I'm unique in this.
I like what you write and your writing style. Thanks for sharing your awsomeness with us.
2 years ago on The Darkness Before the Light
Edi: The way I understand it, this post is aimed at the people who really are judging and still say they don't judge.
I personally don't like smoking AT ALL. I have several friends who smoke and who have no intention of ever trying to quit. I've never said that I don't judge them. I think they're acting reckless and stupid. Still, I believe we all have the right to make our own mistakes. I don't have a problem with keeping them company when they smoke. Besides, they know how I feel and stand so I don't get the smoke in my face ;)
Does this mean I'm judging or not? I'd say yes.
2 years, 1 month ago on I Won’t Judge You For That
If anyone told me that, I think my first response would be to ask them not to use that word <judge>. I wonder how they'd explain their feelings if they were unable to use that word.
Yesterday I woke up at around 10:00 and remembered a dream about me hammering a bomb to stop it from going off. I missed a meeting that morning because I didn't hear the alarm clock. I think a lot of people can relate to that. That, and waking up in a panic because I missed the alarm, getting dressed and then realize it's 04:00 and the part about the alarm going off was a dream.
2 years, 1 month ago on Hagrid
A friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that I'm just too picky. I'm glad to see that on your list here, cause it really hurt hearing that from one of my best friends. I was close to settle once. I owned a cat, had bought an apartment and I think my boyfriend was close to proposing to me. The relationship wasn't healthy though, and I ended up leaving him.
Now I've been dating for a few years without finding someone I've wanted to spend my life with. I've heard other tactless comments, but getting told I'm too picky hurts the most because it makes it seem like there's no hope for me finding a man I can be happy with. It also shows a lack of respect for my feelings, since what it all comes down to is that my friend is telling me I should feel differently and love someone I don't. My first thought was ''Oh I guess she wants me to settle and quit whining about it? So that's how much she cared''
2 years, 1 month ago on Things You Should Never Say to Someone Who’s Single
@Sarah12345 I can relate to your story, even tough I haven't become a mom yet. I have a bad habit of asking for my mothers opinion, and then getting angry whenever she says something that can be interpreted as negative critizism. She once told me that she felt hurt because I call my father more often than her, and we ended up having a long talk about it. I don't think I managed to get my point across, since my opinion of her is a bit negative as well and I didn't want to hurt her. I ended up simply telling her I loved her just as much as my dad. It turned out that she was just as insecure as me, but while I was insecure about my performance as a student and my social skills, she was worried that she hadn't been a good mother and wanted to give me advice. I try to point it out whenever she says something hurtful, but I've never called her out on being negative as a person., which seems to work out better for the both of us.
2 years, 7 months ago on What Others Think of You is None of Your Business
@dishywinnie Thanks you for your reply. I completely agree that the effects on life quality is vastly different, implying anything else would be an insult. There are still similarities though. Why would someone point out that something I was born with wasn't correct? Why would a priest decide the interpretation that condemned homosexuality was the correct one, if there was other ways to interpret the Bible?
2 years, 7 months ago on I’m Christian, unless you’re gay.
If sexual orientation is defined at birth, then would I be right to compare it to what makes us favor our left or right hand? I don't know if the bible says anything about that, but I know children at school used to be taught to always favor their right hand. I was told to write that way because it was the "correct way" and my teacher got annoyed whenever I used my left hand for writing.
@Rob W @Kirriam @timqz1 @dishywinnie @DavidStevens You're right, my wording was really bad there, I'm sorry. What I meant to say, was that the question might seem insensitive because of the timing, but that the question itself is a valid one. I understand very well that this is a historic day, and I congratulate you all. You have every right to celebrate. It's still important to be aware of the actual effects though, so you can "strike while the iron's hot" and not have to wait too long for the actual shift to happen.
@timqz1 @dishywinnie @DavidStevens timqz1:I believe dishywinnies' question was about whether or not the president can make a change by voicing his opinion. That doesn't seem like a mean spirited question to me. True, it might require you to stop in your celebration and think, but it's still a valid question. In fact, I was wondering the same thing.
Thanks for reposting the links. I've watched the one titled "The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality". I don't know enough about the Bible to say if he's correct of not, of if I agree, but it's definitely helpful when trying to understand the different arguments.
@CurtisBeauJackson Thank you for finding it for me.
(Before anyone else points it out: I wrote "One part of the argument would be about facts related to biology and whether or not sexual orientation is a sin". It was supposed to say "...is a choice")
(I already wrote a relatively long comment about this, but it seems to have disappeared and I didn't save the content. I apologize if it shows in your feed and this turns out to be a double.)
I started reading comments further down on this page, trying to understand what the argument is about. I have to admit I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. Am I right if I say the anti gay arguments can be boiled down to "because my religious scripture says so"?
I also see some arguments about biology and whether of not sexual orientation is a choice, but this seems to be more of an argument based on lack of facts than an argument about values.
@DavidStevens @ThomasRoss It was nice reading your post, I hope that one day I'll be able to be as relaxed about the subject as you. Sorry for not replying, I have little experience with gays so I don't feel like I have all that much to contribute to the discussion other than to flaunt my preconceptions. Post like yours are way more constructive and likely to spark an intelligent discussion than some of the more agitated ones I've read below, so I thank you :)
Thank you, it's nice to know that others might understand. Your story shows to me that it's possible to not let the controversy run the friendship.
My hope is that gays keep people like me in mind when they try to interpret how the rest of the world sees them. The haters might often be the ones who scream the loudest, but they're not necessarily the majority. And also, I hope the people who spread hate don't look at those of us who are merely skeptical and simply assume we agree. I don't like how this forces me to chose between staying silent and risking being passively supportive of hate, and participating in a screaming match I can't win. Especially when I'm still skeptical about the whole subject.
But I guess this is the problem with all controversy.
@APeene @Kirriam Thank you for you reply, and for the link. I will take a look at it when I have the time, and hopefully I'll learn a thing or two. Unfortunately for me, I've already lost a friend due to this awkwardness described in my post. I was young, she expected me to be more understanding and supportive, and we drifted apart. I've felt bad about it ever since. I meet her at a buss stop years later, but it felt rude to bring up her orientation in our brief conversation. I didn't get the feeling that she thinks I hate her, which was a relief.
I hadn't fully understood my own sexual orientation when she told me she was a lesbian, which contributed to the awkwardness. At that time, it was possible that she's interpreted me as possibly not heterosexual, and that one of the reasons why she'd told me was that she wanted to see my reaction. It wasn't my uncertainty about how I felt about lesbians that made the situation awkward, it was how her coming out of the closet made me question my own sexuality. This was very personal and not something I was ready to discuss with anyone, not even her.
I later discovered that although I love how women act and look, I don't feel sexually attracted to them. I don't think I'd have the same fear of unwanted sexual attraction if this had happened to me today.
I still believe I'd feel awkward though. Me learning more about what makes us heterosexual and homosexual would help, of course, but I don't think it'd completely solve the problem. It's still highly personal, and being shown that much trust makes me feel like I'm walking in a minefield (which I've never actually done, but I believe you understand my point). It'll probably stay that way as long as the topic is surrounded by controversy.
Thank you for this post
2 years, 7 months ago on My Daughter Home At Last – Response to I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay
I understand that a writer can't talk about every aspect of a subject in one single post, but I would like to point out that hate isn't always the reason why heterosexual people avoid homosexual people.
If a heterosexual friend of mine was in a situation where a friend of hers told her that he/she was gay, then I'd tell her to be supportive and try to understand. I believe that a gay person's fully capable of having friends of the same sex, just as a heterosexual person is capable of having friends of the opposite sex. I'd tell her that her friend is still the same person, that she's been friends with a gay person for a while already, and that the only thing that's changed is that now there's enough trust for her to talk openly about it.
And yet, I know that if a friend of mine told me she/he was gay I'd have trouble following my own advice. There would be awkward moments, and there would probably be a growing distance between us, despite my good intentions. I hate the thought of this awkwardness, partly because it could make me lose a good friend, but also because that friend could end up assuming that knowing he/she's gay made me hate her.
The awkwardness comes from us (me being heterosexual) knowing too little. There are no guidelines for a "socially acceptable" reaction when a friend tells us he/she's gay. The lack of knowledge means we're afraid of being misinterpreted, we're afraid of unwanted sexual attention, we don't properly understand their situation and don't know how to show our support without being judgemental. We're not just afraid of getting hurt, we're also afraid of hurting our friend who just told us something very personal.
I do agree with the post. It's a strong post, and it moved me. I'm not trying to attack of defend anyone, but I believe it's important to be aware.