Bio not provided
@DodgersKingsoftheGalaxy Yeah, you're probably right.
8 months, 2 weeks ago on Dodgers Call it Quits With Excruciating Loss
@EephusBlue You probably do. It contains a lot of "fuck you"s to individual players and remorsing over what it's been like to grow up as a Dodger fan from the late '90s to now.
You had to know I was going to chime in with my two cents. Get your down votes and "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BAN? YES" clickers ready, because this is going to be a doozy. Here goes.
Dear 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers,
Fuck you. Well, maybe that's a little strong...I have no doubt that some of you are kind, good-hearted, well-intentioned human beings, which makes what I'm about to say fairly difficult. But...seriously. Fuck you all. You are officially that fucking hot chick who says she wants to be with you, teases you for months, then hooks up with someone else while you mop, then finally gets with you during a wildly passionate night, then fucks some other dude the next morning. That's you. Because, while this loss wasn't the most painful of the 15 years I've been a fan (that would be Game 4, 2009), and while this season wasn't the most disappointing of the 15 years I've been a fan (that would be either 1999, 2005, 2007 or 2010), it's definitely up there, especially given the fact that everyone handed us the division after the Gonzo trade, and then the Giants went on to clinch AND knock us out of the playoffs. It only serves to reinforce the fact that the Dodgers always dangle that hundred-dollar bill right in front of their fans' noses--and then jerk it out of the way at the last minute (see: falling in the playoffs in '04 despite a magical regular season and Lima's Game 3 shutout, cutting the division lead to 4.5 games in mid-September despite a horrible roster in '05, the 4+1 game in '06 that moved us into the top spot in the division, the high expectations headed into '07, the sweep of the Cubs and the 5-3 lead in the eighth in '08, the entire '09 season, the high expectations headed into '10 and '11, etc) But...still, no, this was not the most disappointing year of the last 15 mostly painful years it's been to be a Dodger fan.
But you know what? Fuck you all anyway. Fuck you, Matty, for having too much pride to sit yourself in the first half of September when you were clearly playing injured and batting .120. Fuck you, Victorino, for sucking shit while a Dodger after fucking us in the ass for four years. Fuck you, Donnie, for everything. Fuck you, Mellis, for joining an infamous list that includes Ralph Branca, Mickey Owen, Tom Niedenfuer, and Jon Broxton. Fuck you, Hanley, for your passive-aggressive bullshit and September epic slump. Fuck you, ownership team,. for overreacting to a home sweep by the Giants by tying us into a bunch of giant fucking contracts that we won't be rid of for six years. (Yep. Flame me all you want--I firmly believe that, if the Dodgers had won ONE of those three mid-August games against the Giants, that Gonzo and Beckett and Crawford never would have become Dodgers. Do with me what you will. Also, Dodger ownership team: I want to be on your side, but please, please, PLEASE...DON'T DO REACTIONARY BULLSHIT LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN. YOU'VE MADE YOUR BED AND YOU HAVE TO LIE IN IT NOW.)
And, most of all? Fuck you to the entire team. At 4.5 games out with 8 to go, it would have been SO MUCH EASIER for you guys to just roll over, accept your defeat, and look forward to next year. Instead? This. This fucking horrible, gut-wrenching, terrible loss, one that furthers the upper hand the Giants already had in the rivalry. (Now they can say they eliminated us in '82, '91, and '12, all when they had nothing left to play for. Perfect.) The Giants are now, to the Dodgers, that guy who wins at everything while you lose at everything, and shows up every once in a while to kick dirt in your face and remind you that he's better than you at everything. Because, you know what? The Giants are. They've made the World Series three times since we have, have won it once since we have, and have clearly, clearly, CLEARLY gained the upper hand in this rivalry. Man, it makes me sick to even think about that, but they're officially a better franchise than we are and that's that.
There's a very good chance that nobody's still reading this. It wouldn't surprise me if nobody ends up reading this at all, since it'll probably get flagged and banned within five seconds of me posting it. But the bottom line is this: the Dodgers, once again, have roped me into a horrible, painful loss, once that I'll spend my entire night and probably most of tomorrow stewing over sadly. I'm still a Dodger fan, and I still want to see the team win a World Series in my lifetime. But for now? Fuck them. Fuck each and every one of them. The 2012 Dodgers will linger forever as a painful memory, and this game will be the most painful of all. Good night, assholes.
@Mike Petriello I began to be a hardcore Dodger fan in 1998, and the mere mention of that year should bring 'Nam-like flashbacks. My first favorite player was Mike Piazza; within a month of me beginning my fandom, he'd been traded. My first favorite team was the 2004 squad; within a month of the season ending, it had been completely gutted and re-shaped. Therefore, you can probably understand how I came to the following conclusion.
The Dodgers, as I have known them, have been akin to a small mill town that used to be highly prosperous and rich...before the mill closed, sending the town into poverty and ruin. (In this analogy, that would be represented by the O'Malley family enjoying four decades of proud Dodger winning tradition before selling the team to Fox). Every so often, it seemed as though the mill would open again and see the town return to its former prosperity. (The multiple big-name players acquired in the '98 offseason, Fox selling the team in '03, the "Shot Heard Round LA" in '04, the 12-2 start in '05, the 4+1 game in '06, Mannywood in '08, the record-setting start in '09, McCourt selling the team in '11, the big trade a few weeks ago.) And every single time, it would just be a tease. (The '99 team finishing an embarrassing 77-85, McCourt buying the team from Fox, the Dodgers getting embarrassed by the Cardinals in the '04 NLDS and then breaking up the team, the '05 season finishing on a 59-89 note, the Dodgers getting swept in the '06 NLDS, Matt Stairs burning us in '08, Manny getting popped for drugs and Matt Stairs burning us AGAIN in '09, McCourt's sale dragging on too long and costing us chances at premium '11 free agents, the team's recent slide out of contention post-Adrian trade.) That's how I came to be a defeatist, "hiding behind his keyboard." (Note: A lot of people will inevitably think, "Hey, screw you, you entitled prick! What if you were a fan of the Mariners/Brewers/Royals/etc and only got a winning season once every 10 years?!" The response, of course, is that I root for the LOS ANGELES FUCKING DODGERS, and success on a year-to-year basis should pretty much be assumed, given that we've always had easily the highest payroll in our division and the richest history of maybe any NL team. There's no reason why the Los Angeles Dodgers shouldn't be the Yankees of the National League; a playoff appearance every single year should be an absolute lock, and it should be considered a terrible fluke if it doesn't happen.)
So, naturally, the question becomes, "If you hate the Dodgers so much, why the hell are you even a fan?" Because, frankly, I'm stuck with them. They were my first favorite sports team, and the only one I've ever really cared about. Always loved baseball, always loved the Dodgers even when they inevitably let me down. For that season, I don't really think that you can call me a "troll", because I'm not a closet Giant fan just here to cause trouble. In fact, in person, I'm a pretty typical, easy-going fan; in fact, I'm always the level-headed one in my rooting group, and if someone digs on the Dodgers to my face, I'll usually just smile and go along with it. But given the list of everything that's happened since I became a fan (see above), I need SOME outlet to rage about the Dodgers occasionally, or else all of that pent-up frustration will give me multiple heart attacks. This is where the Internet comes in. Of course I'm "hiding behind a computer"; I just use it as an outlet to vent my frustration, because it's not like anyone will come up to me the next day and say, "...Uh, you get signed up for anger management yet?" That's also the point of the anonymous name, really. I occasionally post positive things (see my body of work in April and May as proof), but when the Dodgers epically embarrass themselves and wreck their season and possibly their franchise, I need to have some way to let my feelings out about it. And with the Dodgers on the verge of perhaps their greatest embarrassment yet since I became a fan (dealing ten prospects midseason while taking on $300 million in payroll to become an even worse team, as well as the laughingstock of baseball when they inevitably miss the playoffs), my need to vent reached an all-time high.
Having said that, I certainly don't want to annoy and piss off fellow Dodger fans. That was the point of my original comment; I envy your guys' optimism even at points when the sky is clearly falling. Given the situation we found ourselves in, I thought that my comments would be met with fellow commiseration, given that the Dodgers have been a complete embarrassment over the last two weeks and look to be (inexplicably and infuriatingly) sliding into irrevelance yet again, despite their increased payroll and loaded roster full of stars and quality players. However, my comments have mostly been met with derision and anger and comments to the effect of "YOU JUST WAIT THIS TEAM'LL TURN IT ON ANY DAY NOW!" And I certainly don't want to bring everyone else down; I just figured that, given the state of the team, this would be as good an environment as any to commiserate among people with fellow mindsets.
Given that that's not the case, I will be taking my frustrated vents elsewhere. I just want it to be known that I root for the Dodgers and want to see them succeed on a sort-of-alarming level, and that each victory makes my night and each loss destroys it, and that I'm not just a Giant fan out to make the rest of you miserable, etc. Go Dodgers; even though I'll probably never believe you can actually win the World Series, I'll root as hard as I can for you to do it.
9 months, 1 week ago on Dodgers @ Giants, September 8, 2012: Kempless
Lol. I really do envy you guys. The offense is clearly stalled and never going to pick back up (at least this year). The team continues to leave guys on base, run themselves out of rallies, and ground into killer double plays at a league-leading pace. Our best hitter is out indefinitely, and our second-best starter might be out for a year and a half. And despite all of this, and all of the we're-done-and-there's-really-no-doubt-about-it signs that the sky is falling on the 2012 season, it's still "Hey look, Gonzalez and Ethier have killed Cain in the past, we've got a chance!" I wish I had your guys' optimism, I really do.
@Mike Petriello @Guestu76987 Only 5 1/2 out on September 1st, and only 5 out ten days later. The rest of the division was so awful that it didn't seem inconceivable that they could come back. In 2012, that seems to be impossible given how well the Giants are playing and the fact that they own us.
9 months, 1 week ago on Dodgers Squander Opportunities to Fall 5.5 Out
Never in my life have I wanted a Dodger team to just forfeit the rest of the season in early September. Hell, even in 2005 and 2011, I was optimistic that maybe we could rally to win a shitty NL West. But right now, in 2012? I really, really wish the Dodgers would just officially give up (since, by the looks of things, they've already pretty much packed it in anyway), call off their remaining games, and let us get on with our lives until next spring. It'd be much easier on my blood pressure.
Really? Only one throwaway reference to the "high-powered," four-star, no-holes-in-it-whatsoever, Gonzo-Kemp-Hanley-Ethier monster of a lineup both talent-wise and money-wise that's produced a whopping 3.4 runs per game since it came together? You have greater restraint than I, Mike.
9 months, 2 weeks ago on Is The Loss of Chad Billingsley Going to Sink the Season?
@phattonez7 @Tangled Up In Blue Kemp is hitting worse than Victorino and absolutely everybody on the team, including pitchers, over the last week.
9 months, 2 weeks ago on Padres @ Dodgers September 5, 2012: It’s Paco Time!
I'm just sad.
Kennedy game-tying HR, Uribe pinch hits for Ellis and Stargells it out of the stadium. Done.
@Dang88 @Guestu76987 @Gilbert_Vengeance That's not meant to be any kind of personal attack on Gilbert Vengeance; it's supposed to be an attack on Dodger management. Bringing Kemp back so soon from his wall collision was a terrible idea; allowing him to continue to play and bleed outs is just making it worse. Kemp needs to sit for a little while and hope the pain goes away.
@Gilbert_Vengeance Because hitting home runs magically cures knee and jaw and shoulder pain?
@Tangled Up In Blue Because then our offense would be better, our pitching would probably be about the same, and we'd have $240 million less in future financial commitments with more prospect depth. Duh.
@ThtsaPaddlin ...Did you not read that just now? Kemp is batting .130 since his injury, and it's not like he's lining out three times a game; he generally looks awful at the plate. Harang could put up comparable numbers. So yes, Rivera or Abreu WOULD be an upgrade.
I love Matty's courage for playing through his injury, but he's hitting a healthy .130 since his collison with the wall. He really, REALLY needs to sit out for a couple series, maybe take the road trip off. He is currently hurting this team.
@WestonTaylor Lawl. It's Clayton Richard and the Padres. If our hitters DIDN'T light him/them up, they'd need to get on the Melky diet. Hell, even if they score 19 runs in this game, that'll only barely absolve the sin of getting 1 run off Eric F*ckin Stults.
@ThtsaPaddlin I'M OKAY WITH IT UNDER THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES
Guys. I love the Dodgers and am excited when their players do well. But for those not following the action live, is it REALLY necessary to go all caps with exclamation points when a guy hits a non-run-scoring single?
Well, I guess we live to fight another day, or whatever.
9 months, 2 weeks ago on Padres @ Dodgers September 4, 2012: Hey, It’s Eric Stults!