nicoledenise83
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@Christelyn Thank you!
During my second year of law school, I took a Health Law class. In this class each student was required to present an outline and lecture to the class during the semester. At one class, a student presented his lecture and when I left the class, I realized I had misplaced his outline. I happened to see him in the massive crowd of students heading to their next class so I stopped him and asked him for his outline. I thought absolutely nothing of this particular exchange. Fast forward a few months and I was doing a mediation session through a community program and was assigned to conduct the mediation with another law student. At the end of the mediation as we were walking to our vehicles, the student (who was very quiet) asked me how I was liking the Health Law class. I stared blankly at him. I had no idea who he was or how he knew what class I was taking. That's when he told me his name was Erik, the guy I got the outline from and that he sat three seats down from me in class. I felt like a complete idiot because I never recognized him(likely because I was completely enraptured in my own dysfunctional, chaotic world, but another story for another day). We talked on for a few more minutes and to my surprise, he asked me if I would be interested in going out sometime. I said sure and he told me he'd email me his number later.
We talked on the phone a few times and maybe a week or so later, we went on our first date to this local Italian restaurant. After dinner, we went back to my apartment and watched tv for awhile. At the end of the night he kissed me....and I felt nothing. I told myself right then that he and I would only be friends from that point forward. I should back up and say that I was feeling all kinds of ways about dating a white man. I had never dated a white man before, I had attended a historically black college in the South and everything in me was fighting the notion that I could or should settle down with a white man. A few days later, Erik and I had the conversation that led to me telling me I wasn't interested in dating him but that I would like to be friends. He took it in stride and for the next year, we were just that--friends. We hung out together, went to movies and I often vented about the complicated relationship I had with my ex and my even more dysfunctional family. He was always so sweet, kind, dependable and most of all--he took me as I was--no judgment. During our time as friends, Erik would do sweet things for me, whether it was tracking down decorations from my alma mater(it's really hard to find HBCU material in Illinois), helping me out when my car broke down, etc. he was always there.
During the summer of 2009 Erik, myself and one of my roommates studied for the bar together almost every day for two months. It was during this time that I began to realize how special Erik was to me and more relevantly, how much I would miss him when he took a job three hours north of where I would be working. That summer we all took the bar, passed it(thankfully) and moved to separate corners of the state. But I could not seem to let go of Erik. He had positively become my best friend. So we continued visiting each other and eventually our friendship evolved into a dating relationship. We visited every weekend, he met my extended family, I met his, we took trips to African American museums, vacations in Georgia and South Carolina and he was THE support system for me when my mother and father separated and divorced.
Although Erik was, hands down, the best man I had ever known, I would be lying if I said I did not still have internal struggles regarding the interracial aspect of our relationship. While I understood how amazing he was to me and for me, it was hard to undo 27 years of what you believe is expected of you, socially and personally. But I also took my relationship with Erik very serious. I knew he was a gift to me. So, after much soul searching and seeking much counsel (and yes, even a break up), Erik took me to a Brian McKnight concert(my 2nd favorite artist in the world) and proposed in front of the entire audience. Two weeks later, we got an unexpected surprise when we found out I was 4 weeks pregnant. Erik and I were married on June 12, 2011. On November 3, 2011, I gave birth to our now, 5 month old son, Emory. It was for me, a very unconventional path yet I am grateful for having been shown what it means to be in a partnership with someone who truly loves me and has in turn, made me want to change myself to be just as good to him, as he is to me.
As far as our families, Erik's immediate family has never treated me with anything but respect and love. Although he has a few extended family members voice disapproval over his choice to date black women, that has never affected our relationship. My family has been great. Although my dad has not been a part of my life for two years now and sadly, chose not to attend our wedding(for reasons completely unrelated to our relationship), my mother and the rest of my family have been very welcoming to Erik. I couldn't ask for a better family nor a better partner.
Just my two cents. I read The Clutch daily and have for the past year. And in the past year, there have been a multitude of articles, posts, QODs related to interracial relationships and almost all of the comment boards explode into nasty exchanges. It became and has become divisive on the boards that many readers posted comments asking that these topics not be covered for awhile because of the exchanges. Perhaps if I didn't know the background of the posts and how the commenters react, I could see being offended but knowing the history, it isnt meant to be offensive. I also believe The Clutch has thoroughly covered interracial dating/marriages, etc and has made it known through its readership and its writers that it is a site that is receptive to interracial relationships. I honestly just think they are looking for fresh, new material that hasn't been covered lately.