Elegance
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Chris Brown beat up Rihanna and people are still mad about it and boycotting him. Many are mad at Rihanna for forgiving and going back with him. Some no longer think she is a good role model because her actions are telling girls that it's ok to go back with your abuser.
Rick Ross made a song about date raping a woman (to my knowledge he isn't a convicted rapist). His lyrics got him boycotted, he lost endorsements, and had to make a public apology. All because people thought his song would tell men that it's okay to drug and have sex with women.
OJ Simpson was never convicted of murder but people act like he is a murderer. Even though a jury of his peers said he was innocent, people still treated him like he was guilty and didn't want him around. Since then he has not murdered anyone. They didn't want him or others to think that it was okay to murder one's wife.
Shorty Lo impregnated several women and then wanted to do a reality show about their lives. That show would have paid for child support. But people boycotted it and made sure it didn't air because they thought it would send the message that it was okay to impregnate several women without marrying them and it would make Black people look bad.
R Kelly had sex once with an underage girl but people still constantly bring that up and some are still boycotting him.
Many people think Lil Wayne is a bad influence and boycott him, but to my knowledge he hasn't ever been convicted of battery, rape, or murder. But they still think he is a bad influence anyway.
Lil Reese was caught on video beating and stomping a girl. He apologized. People said that wasn't enough and did not forgive him. I think his contract was pulled.
There are many Black women, including women on this site who have not forgiven these men for their crimes and bring up their bad deeds years after the fact. They do so because they think their actions are horrible and don't want others to think they can EVER do such things and have people forget. If you are still holding a grudge against any of these men yet preaching forgiveness and "nobody's perfect" here then you are a hypocrite! I read posts on Black women's blogs all the time about how awful they think these men are but now you are changing your tune. If you forgive Charles Ramsey then you should also forgive these men and not say bad things anymore because many of them have apologized, not re-offended, done other positive things in their lives, shown evidence that they have changed, and never did anything that horrible in the first place!
@Brice Cameron I just read the article. It seems even worse that he seemed to take most of the credit while the others were ignored. He wanted the attention as much as people wanted to give it to him. The woman didn't even call the police from his home.
@starzzzy Well, it seems like we are in the minority. The overwhelming message I'm getting from this board and other websites is that if someone does a good deed it doesn't matter if they have done horrible things in their past and that deed proves they have changed. Do I agree with that...NO. But that is what most people seem to believe.
People are focused on the act and the results of the act, not on the media's overpromotion of Ramsey and the public's overreaction to him. I think that the media should not have overpromoted him and they should have researched him first. The news is just entertainment now and they don't bother waiting to collect information before reporting, They did so because of the way he looked and talked, not because he is such a hero. They don't do that with other people who call the police. Tshirts are not made up of other people who call the police, only people like Ramsey and Sweet Brown etc.
People would have preferred a regurgitated news report for my post rather than a controversial commentary.
@starzzzy I think that this should come as a pleasant relief to everyone! If you batter your wife three times and end up in jail, and if you don't pay child support for your kids, everyone will forgive you in 10 years. People will forgive almost anything bad you do out of principle! You get a fresh start and don't have to be defined by the bad things you have done in the past. Just don't get in trouble for 10 years and everyone will give you a second chance, especially if you do something good that gets a lot of attention in your community.
If you are the victim of such a person, you have 10 years to be upset and make noise about it because after that time no one will care what was done to you. They will expect you to forgive and move on. So call the police, tell the media, write about it and tell everyone you know before it's too late!
@starzzzy "my question is what does the man have to do to seek "redemption" and who gets to decide when he is "redeemed"? Does saving three women and one child make up for some of his past issues? That is a question I cannot answer."
Most people seem to think he is redeemed and they forgive him. I just don't and people are free to forgive or not forgive whoever they want. Not like it matters because it's not like we know each other and I will have any affect on his life. I don't think a stranger is a good guy...big whoop! Strangers don't like this post...big whoop!
I'm going to move this comment up here so people can see: In response to Ms. D's concerns below about the articles that appear on BB&W:
Well then I am suggesting here to Chris that she shouldn't allow any more controversial posts or posts that do not go along with the majority opinion. Writers should make posts that 95% of people will agree with, and focus on reporting unbiased news events (based on reading other blogs or watching the news), funny stories, fashion and music trends, hair, and product placements. This way no one will be offended. I can't see any other way around solving this problem other than limiting the types of articles posted. Maybe each week I will do a post about a woman who I think is feminine and and outfit I think looks good on her because that's all I can think of doing right now.
Since Chris probably doesn't have time to read and approve all posts writers will have to censor themselves and post their controversial opinions on their own blogs. Then this site will be more palatable to the majority and they will not have anything negative to say about her, her book, or her film.
Everyone who likes this idea please like this comment and I'm sure Chris will see it. If you don't like the idea state why :)
@NATruthstudent @ms. d Sorry but blogging has become a chore and isn't fun or a self-exploratory thing for me anymore. It's time to focus on other things. I just can't think of things to write about anymore, my creativity is dead lol.
@ms. d You can be relieved to know that I'm running out of things to blog about so I won't be blogging for much longer anyway.
@ms. d The post is about people's reactions to his past and how they give someone a clean slate just because they do one good thing, they are funny, or they are popular (e.g., Chris Brown). Sorry to disappoint you but I am not a trained writer, just a woman with strong opinions and dislike of wife beaters.
Thanks Nikki
"Do you think that abusers can be rehabilitated?"
In my opinion, rarely. I think that once someone is able to ignore cries for mercy and beat someone they love then something is broken in them. Something is fundamentally wrong with them that is intact in other people and keeps them from doing such things. It could be due to their experiencing similar abuse. But once you cross that line, I think you are changed forever.
I think it's really premature (optimistic I guess) to assume that a repeated spousal abuser has changed just because of one act. Such people will say time and time again that they've changed and next thing you know they end up in jail again because they lost control. I'm skeptical about rehabilitation of people with such self-control issues.
Someone made a comment below that I'm not seeing anymore for some reason. Basically the person said that she understands my point of view now because I hold the same disgust for wife batterers that I hold for rapists and child abusers. This is true. But many people don't and they want to forgive wife batterers but they would never forgive or trust a convicted rapist or child molester (the police don't even forgive them and make it easy for the public to find out about their sex offender status). My forgiveness and tolerance level for crimes is just higher than most people's. I think that there is something fundamentally wrong with the character of people who beat, rape, molest, and murder that makes them different from other people and no longer "average Joe's". They aren't like everyone else and it may not be possible for them to change (some may but many don't). I think wife beaters are scum and don't need to be defended.
@Lannie "Basically, what I'm asking is this. Does the general public's lighthearted response towards these individuals indicate acceptance because they know that not all black people are like that?"
I doubt it. They see it as watching clowns. They think a lot of Black people are like that and expect they can all dance, sing, and entertain.
@LadyHumor @Ostentatious1 @Toni_M
Look at the gaslighting here that Black women have to deal with:
1.Black man beats up Black woman 3 times and doesn't support his kids.
2. Black man does ONE simple thing that happened to end a horrible crime.
3. Black woman finds out about man's history as says she doesn't support him because of his history.
4. Almost everyone tries to shame and make the Black woman feel bad, self-righteous, and out of line for saying anything negative about the man because of something he CHOSE to do in the past THREE TIMES.
This is the reason why Black women get hurt over and over and over again by men who say they "have changed". You keep taking them back after they hurt you and say they are sorry after.
Anyways, I didn't even see this guy on the news today so his 15 minutes are probably up. Now they are focusing on the crime as they should have done in the first place. Charles Ramsey was just entertainment for the media.
@Bookworm51485 @Elegance @SwirlQueen
"As for teaching kids things, I'd say this will teach them to just give up and kill yourself if you ever do anything bad. You'll never be forgiven for it, no matter what good you do in the future."
The part about killing yourself is unnecessary. But the truth is that people will remember what you have done and may use that against you. Should we lie to them and say that won't happen? Should we tell them that the choices they make won't come back to haunt them later? Or should we tell them THE TRUTH.
I think that more problems are caused by people not thinking about those consequences because if they faced that reality, they would have chosen differently. I'm more concerned with preventing harm and stopping crime rather than giving second chances to people who did things THEY KNEW WERE WRONG. Lesson here, don't beat your wife or else when you do good things in the future people will not think you are a hero and you won't be elected president.
@Bookworm51485 @Elegance @SwirlQueen
If I'm self-righteous for thinking men who beat their wives are scum then I'm self-righteous. I think that anyone who doesn't do such horrible things should pat themselves on the back right now.
I did say above that he deserves a medal for saving the girls (the other people who assisted him and got not credit could get medals too).
My point is, don't hold this guy up as a role model for kids or anyone else who hasn't done really bad things in their past. There are way better heroes and role models out there. People shouldn't be making t-shirts and singing songs about the guy. I don't get why people feel so sorry for him and need to defend him...it's not as though he got beaten up 3 times or something... I just wrote a blog post about him.
Let me ask you as question. If you had to pass a test, would you rather get study tips from someone who passed with a high score the first time, or someone who failed 3 times and finally passed? Hint, this is a metaphor for life. My personal preference is to ask the person who passed the first time because they obviously knew what they were doing, prepared well, and had what it took to pass and do well. Some people may choose the person who failed 3 times because they have also failed things in the past, and may expect to fail, so they may consult someone with the same experience.
My point is, I personally look up more to people who have always acted well and did right thing their entire lives. I rarely look up to people who have done horrible things in the past and finally decided to do better. They should have been good all along if they were actually go people! I think we should reward those who made the choice to be good all along. That's just me. The same metaphor can be used for friendships or relationships. I would trust a friend who hasn't hurt me over one who has betrayed me three times. I would trust a man who never cheated on me over one who cheated 3 times. Those people would be lousy examples of good friends and boyfriends and Charles Ramsey is a lousy excuse for a hero. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
@JennMJack @Brice Cameron "And to be clear, people may not be "bringing" religion into anything. They might just happen to be religious. You brought race into it."
I'm not minimizing your take, you are just operating from a different set of standards from someone who is agnostic. I don't operate from the viewpoint that it is wrong to judge, especially when someone does something heinous like beating their wife. I don't feel that I have to forgive people like that and I don't ask myself "What would Jesus do". To me, people can think whatever they want under the sun and dislike people for their actions and that is not wrong. I say publish their crimes for the world to see.
People can look down on those who commit heinous crimes, get them kicked out of their communities, and get them locked up for life. But from what I have heard from Christians and Catholics, we are supposed to forgive and forget and not judge these people. There is no point in discussing crime and punishment with someone who thinks we are supposed to forgive, judgement is wrong, and everyone has sin without regards to the severity of the crime.
If we focus on reality and not the world as people wish it should be, people's past is brought up all the time! Only the most menial jobs are given to people without a resume or without checking references because a person't past work experience matters. They know that most of the person will behave the way they did in the past.
Many people with criminal records are not given jobs because employers do not want people who would do such acts working for them. They have criminal records for life so that the public can protect themselves from ex-cons and the police can keep track of them. They also know that many ex-cons re-offend. Sex offenders are labeled for life because they are so harmful and disgusting to people.
People who have participated in the sex industry have a hard time getting jobs because companies don't want to be associate with someone who had that sort of past.
Banks look at people's credit history and finances before deciding to give loans. Many jobs do criminal records before they hire people for certain roles. Many jobs and schools have conduct clauses and if a member violates that clause due to bad behaviour they are fired/expelled.
In the real world I think people need to hear the important lesson that you have to THINK about your future and not harm other people and expect the slate to be wiped clean. People love to talk about how unfair it is but should we be preparing people for so fantasy utopia or for the real world where your past matters? He made his choice to beat his wife, in real life there are no do overs and he has to deal with the negative consequences of having his present and future actions tainted by what he CHOOSE to do 10 years ago. Stop feeling sorry for him, his wife and those women are the victims, not him.