Nice summary of the talk. I found his talk to be a very powering and moving message.
I would go so far to say that by submitting to their religion they absolve themselves of taking responsibility for their own lives. This is the cruelest trick that it plays on these people, they squander the time they do actually have for some distant promise of beating death and getting the comfort you refer to above. What I took away from Sam's talk was the need to be "present" in everything you do, cherish the time you have and not worry about distractions that your brain plays on you. You only have one life, live it and make the most of it.
I meant 7 yr olds :) still applies.
IANAT but,
I think you need to make this much much simpler and more coherent. I think you need to focus on the core message, the scientifc method and what all the bits of that are.
1. State the problem -- what sort of problems might be open to scientific investigation? Can you think of some??
2. Come up with a hypothesis -- what is this? what makes a good one, a bad one? Can we test it, can it be falisibied -- what does falsified mean? do a little exercise on falsification and what that means.
3. Experiment -- what are experiments, talk about them, what are good experiments, what are bad ones.
4. Results -- what did the experiment show us, are there other experiments we could do?
How does this make new knowledge???
Done ... this will take well in excess of 10 minutes to explain to a room of 5 year olds.
The rest of your material is too much to cover in 10 minutes with 5 year olds ... logical errors, taxonomy, density etc are well beyond a simple 10 minute talk for that age.