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I'm going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt.  He seems to mean well, but sounds a little naive in the realm of relationships. 36 is young in the general life sense...but not in the starting a family sense. 


In terms of being able to find a successful black women to date, the numbers are in his favor, even with the number of women dating interracially. If he happens to live in an area where there are few black women, he should try online dating. (But...don't go looking for black women on interracial dating sites. Not a good look.)


Now the trend that this letter is supposed to illustrate...where black women are being asked to "come back home"? I'm not for that. I think we are to be strategic about the alliances we form, and choose them based on the characters of the individuals we associate with, not based on arbitrary characteristics like skin color. While I'm not "colorblind," I see the race loyalty thing as a mental trap more than a beneficial construct these days. 

12 hours, 40 minutes ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?

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@Sfbta Go ahead and share your pic if you like, @Sfbta. I may be a private hermit, but that doesn't mean you have to be. :)

1 day, 13 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@SavageTango Okay...well if you're laughing, then so am I.  I certainly know better than to feel sorry for you. :)


It's just that I grew up thinking I would be the permanently celibate (even in marriage) chick. I didn't get the point of sex until fairly recently. I think the teenage hormones just hit me--a decade late, but whatever.


I'm shuddering at the idea that if those "hormones" hadn't hit, I would have been *that* wife...of course, none the wiser about the torture I'd be causing. Ugh!

2 days, 9 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@SavageTango @SirLoinDeBeef Holy crap, that is awful, Savage.  Just goes to show that even those of us who are waiting for marriage need to talk about sex while still in the relationship. It's not the only part of marriage, but it's still a part...


I'm still shuddering at that situation you went through. Like omg, that's awful.....

2 days, 15 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@sunflowerraven You are so adorable it isn't even funny. 

2 days, 21 hours ago on Your Favorite Stars without Make Up…Don’t Be Afraid to Enhance Your Features!

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@Shanda Panda @dani-BBW @jazzyfae45 I loved the Cosby Show. I miss shows like that and wish that there could be more of those in addition to the dramatic stuff we have going on today.

3 days, 9 hours ago on Despite “Scandal” and HTGAWM, We’re Still Fighting Against the “Mammy” Trope

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@Law Wanxi @tracyreneejones Why do I feel like @tracyreneejones didn't finish her sentence? Tracy? Are you okay?

3 days, 10 hours ago on On Vetting: How Men Run Game By Telling the Truth!

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@Sfbta You can use whatever picture you want. There are many members who use their own pictures. I do not for privacy reasons (though when the forum is up I might do so). I just mentioned that it didn't have to be you in case you were worried about privacy.


As for constructing this site...lol. I'm ashamed to say that I have been here for a while.


And you're welcome. 

3 days, 10 hours ago on Despite “Scandal” and HTGAWM, We’re Still Fighting Against the “Mammy” Trope

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@dani-BBW @Shanda Panda @jazzyfae45 I was actually about to say something like this, but you beat me to it. You know, I actually don't particularly like some of the characters on Rimes's shows. I can't stand Meredith Grey, and Olivia Pope sometimes makes me want to puke. But I love the character development (and as you mentioned, the "conflict needed to generate a compelling plot that will carry a storyline"). Love the plots of these shows. Love the exploration of the idea that it's not always about "good vs. bad," but evil vs. less evil.


Olivia Pope et al. may not be positive, but they are definitely not those one-dimensional tropes. And it's the complexities of these characters that make me enjoy the show despite the fact that I don't like most of them. Lol. 

3 days, 10 hours ago on Despite “Scandal” and HTGAWM, We’re Still Fighting Against the “Mammy” Trope

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@Sfbta

Hi there, @Sfbta.


Click on someone's profile--it could be yours or anyone else's. Doesn't matter.


Now that you are on a new screen, you should see some options at the top: products, services, customers, etc. Click on the "Account" option. 


When you click on that, you will be led to more options--one will be your username (with the option of viewing your profile), and the others will say "settings" and "log out." Click settings.


Now you should be redirected to a screen where you can fill out information, such as your username, first name, email address, etc. At the very top of that screen there should be a button that says "choose file." (Underneath, in red, it will say, 'Click here to clear your current avatar.')


Press that button that says, "choose file," because that is where you have the option to choose a pic from your computer.


And if you choose a picture, it does not necessarily have to be a picture of you (if privacy is a concern)--it can be whatever you want.


Hope that helps.



3 days, 10 hours ago on Despite “Scandal” and HTGAWM, We’re Still Fighting Against the “Mammy” Trope

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@Tempaccount Lmao because I would have been running too! Are you kidding me? I was lmfao at the "we're not Jesus" comment because it's so true!!!

3 days, 10 hours ago on Despite “Scandal” and HTGAWM, We’re Still Fighting Against the “Mammy” Trope

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@Sfbta Yes, I think that's the first time I've actually seen Tyler Perry do decent acting. 

3 days, 11 hours ago on Despite “Scandal” and HTGAWM, We’re Still Fighting Against the “Mammy” Trope

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@MarthaLankford @onmywayup @Cami2210 No, that's not me! Lol. That is Lanisha Cole, who actually is a model. I think BB&W did an article on her marriage a while back. 

4 days, 14 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@Cami2210 @onmywayup Ahh, okay. Gotcha.

4 days, 14 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@Keioni @ShepherdNation Lol, those words are like repellant to me.

4 days, 17 hours ago on On Vetting: How Men Run Game By Telling the Truth!

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I think it was @dani-BBW who told me yesterday that someone's words and actions should align. 


That goes both ways. Some people are sweet-talking liars whose actions don't say jack.


Some people, like those @Christelyn  is talking about today, tell you the not-so-pretty truth while behaving well enough to string you along.


We humans get that funny feeling at such a lack of congruency--maybe it's about time we started trusting that feeling. 

4 days, 22 hours ago on On Vetting: How Men Run Game By Telling the Truth!

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@Sfbta Well, that's out of my realm of experience, so I guess I'll just bow out of this one...

4 days, 22 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@Sfbta YOU'RE not going to get slammed for that (not by me, anyway), but I don't understand how the person who came up with that theory came to that conclusion. 


For heterosexual men, why would they also be attracted to black men if they are attracted to black women? Would that same thing be true for men who are strongly attracted to blonde women? Women with green eyes? 


Now, I did actually know someone who was attracted to both black men and women, but that person was bisexual with a preference for black people. 

4 days, 23 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@Sfbta Sorry, I'm just getting this. 


Here's the link right here:

http://www.gofundme.com/19b9ks



5 days, 10 hours ago on Beyond Black & White Fan Page is Under Attack Again. Time to Go to War.

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@rexy012 With people like those, who needs the KKK?

5 days, 10 hours ago on Beyond Black & White Fan Page is Under Attack Again. Time to Go to War.

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@Neil Marsden @onmywayup @Cami2210 Great, because I was definitely thinking about you when I wrote that post. :)

5 days, 10 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@dani-BBW @onmywayup @Cami2210 Yes, I remember those. I loved Jeff's series and am happy that he has found happiness again. I encourage any newer person to look up @EarthJeff's posts.

I wonder what happened to the Asian man, though...



5 days, 10 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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@dani-BBW @Keioni I want to see posts on how to find the third category. Those married men, emotionally unavailable, "I want to have my cake and eat it too" types. Those sneaky dudes...

5 days, 10 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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Regarding @Cami2210's concern about having more blog posts by marriage-minded non-black men:


I've noticed that many white male commenters are in relationships with or married to black women. Any of you want to write a post about your experiences? I'm not going to name any names, but I've read your stories, and I think some of them are absolutely romantic. 


5 days, 10 hours ago on AAWG: SavageTango tells it. Why I Swirl.

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I just have a suggestion. I'm sure you have already considered this, but I think for ease of use you should have relatively few sections. Anything else that fits under that umbrella could be a subsection or a thread topic posted in a particular section. 



So for example--relationships and marriage could be a general section, and the subsections could include things like relationship advice, news on BW interracial couples, etc. Beauty, fitness, and health could be a section, with thread topics dedicated to different wellness challenges (like workout challenges, journaling based on EmpressNK's most recent entry, etc.). "Living well" could be a section that includes subsections like the entrepreneur stuff and the travel stuff. 


I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense...if it doesn't, then just go to other forums and observe their layout, and what I'm trying to say will become more clear. 


Possible thread topics (not sections): 


1. a discussion on resources that promote mental health/wellness (books, YouTube videos, websites, etc.)


2. people sharing their stories on how they overcame less-than-ideal situations (so that others can know that they are not alone and can improve)


3. "how we met" stories...I'm a sucker for those


4. married people (or people in really successful long-term relationships) posting their advice on how they made it work. not just the interracial stuff, but in general. like some people had to do much of their relationship long-distance--how does that work? or how do you and your partner personally resolve arguments? what traditions did you establish as a family? 


5. fitness challenge thread. what transformation can you experience in 30 or 60 days?


6. goal achievement thread, where you set a major goal (like getting a better job, moving out of your area, starting a business, traveling), and post your experiences up there for support and accountability


7. "adventures in dating" thread, where we share our experiences in dating 


8. a thread on how we realized we were not (just) attracted to people of our own race, and the effects of that on our life (sometimes there aren't any if most people are supportive). 


9. a section/subsection to set up regional meetups



5 days, 14 hours ago on Open Thread: Brainstorm Session -The Forum

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@Chicago404  "I know this because I was her. YES SAMMY YOU ARE NORMAL.THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.You like oldr men,theres nothing wrong with that..Youll probably never grow out of it.The issue isnt that though.The issue is the only older men that are attracted to you are pedophiles,and once you hit 18 they'll discard you and go after other children. If that doesnt keep you away from actively pursuing them then nothing will. LOOK BUT DONT TOUCH!"


Yep, pretty much. 


What an awesome post in its entirety, by the way.

1 week ago on Young Girl Needs Our Guidance: 15 Year-Old-Girl, Only Interested in Men 26-50.

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@jarrod21 "I mean, it's a good thing that this one knows boys her age are full of it.  However, any 26-50 year old that's into 15 year old girls is full of something worse."

Pretty much. My mom strongly discouraged me from dating at all when I was in high school. Looking back, I know why.

1 week ago on Young Girl Needs Our Guidance: 15 Year-Old-Girl, Only Interested in Men 26-50.

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I would say just wait it out. You really don't have to be dating in high school, anyway. I would focus more on studying, socializing/extracurriculars, and having fun. 

In college the game changes, and the dudes who were once afraid of dating black girls come out of the swirling closet. True story. 


The disturbing thing to me isn't the fact that you're attracted to older men. Heck, when I was sixteen, I had a crush on my English teacher, who was probably a little over ten years older. Even now, I think men in a variety of age ranges are attractive, even though I mostly stick within 2-5 years age difference for practical reasons. 


It's that if you want to go through with it right now, the type of men you will attract will have issues.  Mainly because:


15 is below the age of consent in most states (if you're in the United States, anyway). Most sane grown men do not want to become listed sex offenders.


Despite being sexually mature, most teenagers are not mentally mature. Your brain doesn't even finish developing until your twenties. Teenagers have worse impulse control and decision-making abilities than grown folks. A man who dates a teenager is literally dating a child in terms of comparative mental and decision-making capacity. Most mature men will not do this because they will want someone who is mentally on the same level as them.


I would wait at least until age 18, if not 21, to date with an age gap that large. 

Also...if you have daddy issues (and I trust you to know whether you do or do not), then I would encourage you to seek some sort of counsel as soon as you are able. At the very least, google and purchase the best books on building your self-esteem and boundaries that you can possibly find, so that you can be better equipped against damaging validation-seeking behaviors that might get you in trouble. 


Good luck, and good for you for reaching out. 


1 week ago on Young Girl Needs Our Guidance: 15 Year-Old-Girl, Only Interested in Men 26-50.

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Ahh, so much has changed over the past two years (both good and bad), and it's been crazy. I'm trying to find an equilibrium while realizing that at this stage in my life, lots of changes are still to come!


What would the best version of me look like?


More relaxed, more "in the moment," more comfortable in my own skin. Continually striving to be the best me, but not beating myself up for not being perfect. Excellence, not perfection.


Making tons of strides in my line of work and getting my finances in tip-top shape

Being mentally and physically healthy. (There were times when I was mentally and physically unwell, and I really rather would not revisit that!)

Nurturing my social circles and relationships. (As the past year and a half has been dedicated to finding the right networks to play in)


Oh, and physically...embracing the makeup and perfume and the dresses and all that. I really want to do that but I am still a bit intimidated about creating a process for that. 


What can I do (today, this week, this month, and this year) to take me one step closer to becoming the best version of me?

Today: Don't panic. Don't operate in crisis mode. If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that today's crisis is nothing but a memory down the line. Embrace the fact that I'm alive and kicking and thriving today, and enjoy those little moments. 


Embrace prayer.

Also, I did some exercise today. Am currently working out around 2-3 times a week and want to work up to 5 days a week.


This week: Spend some quality time with a family member or a friend...I am such a workaholic sometimes so I forget to do this. Often.


Over the next month: Pay off my credit cards, start paying off more on student loans monthly, meditate daily, pray regularly, find a great skincare routine for myself.


This year: Start updating my wardrobe, purchasing at least one new outfit. Purchase a ticket for a big public speaking seminar for next year. Get out of the house on average 2-4 times a week. 



And that's just the beginning...thanks for this post. :)

1 week ago on Challenge! Can You Be the BEST Version of You?

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What can you plan ahead to do to take you a big step towards becoming that best version of you?

I can work on laying out the steps to some of the things I have written in the goals I mentioned in the last step. Just a few examples.


To exercise 5x a week--Exercise 4x starting next week, and then three weeks after that, start exercising 5x (for about 20-30 minutes each time).


To find a great skincare routine--I'm going to start off with the suggestions from Christelyn's recent post. 


Paying off debt: there's already a plan in place, just need to work on executing it. (I'm funny with the money. 

Getting out of the house: I will work my way up. 1 time a week for a couple of weeks, then 2, then 3, you get the picture. 


1 week ago on Challenge! Can You Be the BEST Version of You?

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@Lala88 "You can't have alla dat and not keep it in tact honey!"

Oh yes, gotta take care of your "pretty"! I love this attitude. :)

1 week, 1 day ago on Just for Fun…What Makes a “Creature Like No Other?”

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@Sfbta There is a link to the GoFundMe page right at the bottom of her blog post. It's that banner with a picture and requests to donate. 

1 week, 1 day ago on Beyond Black & White Fan Page is Under Attack Again. Time to Go to War.

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@caligirl94117 @onmywayup I meant the "educational system" comment sort of flippantly, but I actually agree with you. Let me not even go into a tangent about poor parenting, as that kind of stuff pisses me off and I could write a book about it.

1 week, 1 day ago on Beyond Black & White Fan Page is Under Attack Again. Time to Go to War.

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Dang, Christelyn. Why do so many trolls suck so much at spelling? Our educational system needs help!

1 week, 2 days ago on Beyond Black & White Fan Page is Under Attack Again. Time to Go to War.

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@coco78728 Man, that d*ck thing sucks. It's shocking how many people believe that sh*t. 

1 week, 2 days ago on QOTW: “Why Are Black Women So Hesitant to Date and Marry Non-Black Men?”

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Lots of Asian man + black women couples on the Swirling and Marriage Facebook page. And there are all types of black women. Don't be fooled by the whole "she has to be light-skinned" thing.

1 week, 2 days ago on Answering My Own Question: YES; Asian Men ARE a Thing…a VERY GOOD Thing…

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@Sfbta Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. You didn't sound argumentative. It's just that I thought you said you were a white man in an earlier comment so I thought I would clear that up. I must have got that part wrong, so I apologize. 

1 week, 2 days ago on The Iyanla Vanzant Cluster Cuss: We BB&W MUST Keep Discussing the High OOW Rate

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@_Toni_ The tone has changed pretty quick in the past five or so years. It will keep changing, so people are going to have to get used to it.

1 week, 2 days ago on Beyond Black & White Fan Page is Under Attack Again. Time to Go to War.

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@International_Responder @reem11  "Now residing in the Midwest, many of the BW living in this region seem to be huge fans of his."


Yep.

1 week, 2 days ago on Steve Harvey Has a New Dating Websites Aimed at ‘Teaching Women to be more DATEABLE’

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@Tempaccount Never heard about the foreheads either. 



1 week, 2 days ago on Answering My Own Question: YES; Asian Men ARE a Thing…a VERY GOOD Thing…

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@Maddie27AZ I think a "fetish" is okay as long as it's an attraction rather than the view of the entire person. As in, all I really care about is the fetish, and I don't much care about the person who is attached to it. Those men aren't long-term material as they are probably just after sex.


That said, I do think there's a lot of paranoia about the whole "fetish" thing, though, and non-black guys are often castigated for being attracted to the same things in black women that black men are attracted to. If the guy is interested in getting to know you as an individual, but also tends to be attracted to certain features you possess, then that's perfectly normal. Most people have physical preferences whether related to hair color, height, skin tone, curvature, and so on and so forth. 

1 week, 2 days ago on QOTW: “Why Are Black Women So Hesitant to Date and Marry Non-Black Men?”

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@Sybellis Those types of comments just baffle me. I'm not really offended by them; it's just that they always seem totally out of left field and out of context. Why do people like that say this? Are they really that threatened by people talking about population-specific issues?



1 week, 3 days ago on The Iyanla Vanzant Cluster Cuss: We BB&W MUST Keep Discussing the High OOW Rate

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@Christelyn  @Sfbta I think he is a white man. So...brother? 

1 week, 3 days ago on The Iyanla Vanzant Cluster Cuss: We BB&W MUST Keep Discussing the High OOW Rate

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@ShepherdNation Thanks for commenting and welcome to the site!

1 week, 3 days ago on Steve Harvey Has a New Dating Websites Aimed at ‘Teaching Women to be more DATEABLE’

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