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@darkandlovely @joytulip Not in my experience, either.
4 minutes ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
Yes, you seem like you're a total package...the only question that comes to mind is how much are you putting yourself out there?
What are your social circle and activities like? I'm not necessarily talking about how many activities you do, but about their quality. Are you where the non-black guys are? Most people meet and marry within their social circles, even if it's by a couple degrees of separation. There is also online dating as an option in 2014.
Also I recommend Matthew Hussey's Get the Guy book because it will tell you how to meet more men and signal your interest so that they will approach.
Oh, and by the way...there are tons of accomplished men out there. Tons and tons and tons! I encounter them almost daily. So if you're not meeting those, upgrade your social circle. Maybe look to attend professional conferences and the like. Though you're about to go to medical school, so...maybe you'll meet someone there. :)
By the way, I'm not really understanding why some people immediately jumped to the fact that she must have a character defect. Maybe she just wasn't seriously looking before. Or maybe she didn't know where to look. She can be an absolute gem for all we know, but if she's buried waaay deep in the dirt, then what use is that?????
12 minutes ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
@Brubino844 She's in Atlanta though. I hear that's a bad city for dating, period.
20 minutes ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
@Leona_LoveQuest @Statuesque @onmywayup @SavageTango @Leona_LoveQuest, I'm really sorry about that. I asked Statuesque to continue the Western Gentleman discussion because...well, it sounded interesting.
But let's return the discussion to you.
@Statuesque, thanks so much. I'd say more about your brilliant post...but not trying to derail the thread again! I am going to copy+paste your comments in a word doc for future reference.
20 hours, 11 minutes ago on Leona’s Love Quest: The ABC’s of Finding Love
@coco78728 @onmywayup "P.s. They funny thing about it is that only my uncles and male cousins have really tried to say something out of line but, are easily shut down because they mostly date Hispanic girls EXCLUSIVELY. "Why am I not surprised?
20 hours, 47 minutes ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
@coco78728 Lol at your auntie and cousins! A lot of this stuff is fear; some of them will get over the hump as soon as they see that men of other races see us as viable mates.
21 hours, 8 minutes ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
Both pies. I didn't grow up eating either, though.
1 day, 6 hours ago on Is Pumpkin Pie for White People?
@Statuesque @SavageTango I want to hear some stories!
I was just intrigued by the description that you and @SavageTango used to describe Western Men. Have to say that yes, those guys were totally off my radar. They sure sound like an interesting breed of men, though...
1 day, 18 hours ago on Leona’s Love Quest: The ABC’s of Finding Love
@Sfbta Don't worry, I wasn't disappointed in your comment.
I actually meant the comment I made sort of jokingly. I don't really take anything these HOTEP folks say seriously.
I do agree that everyone has a high and a low part. I often don't have the patience to dig in to find it, but I'm happy you do. The world does need people like you.
1 day, 18 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@LadyHumor I hear you, girl. It's good to see you 'round here, by the way.
1 day, 19 hours ago on My Strong Is <em>Not</em> Your Strong, My Swirl Is <em>Not</em> Your Swirl: On White Women Entitlement Issues And Epic Cockblocking
@dani-BBW @onmywayup @SavageTango @liloulilou @MySmile @Leona_LoveQuest
I've seen those ones OFTEN...I stay far, far away...
2 days, 5 hours ago on Leona’s Love Quest: The ABC’s of Finding Love
@hoseajj58 No...not the hotep!!!!
2 days, 6 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@liloulilou @dani-BBW @MySmile @Leona_LoveQuest That is also what I envisioned as a hipster, and I live in the US. There's also a fair share here that look like hobos though.
2 days, 6 hours ago on Leona’s Love Quest: The ABC’s of Finding Love
@MySmile @SavageTango @dani-BBW @liloulilou @Leona_LoveQuest See, 1 and 3, yes. 2 and 4...no.
Maybe I think the blonds can pass off this look better? Idk.
@Leona_LoveQuest @MySmile @Ri74 Yeah, that's my type, too.
@Neil Marsden @onmywayup @PrettyBLKgurl @SavageTango Oh my gosh!!!!
Don't know how you did it. Couldn't even walk outside the house to let my dog pee during those polar vortex days!
2 days, 6 hours ago on Neil’s Story: The Overseas Wedding that (Almost) Never Happened
@janet28 "I am not at all trying to be arrogant and I did not mean to start such an issue to begin I honestly did not know it was a site for black women only"Okay. Thanks for being woman enough to come back and clarify.
2 days, 17 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@robjk It's likely a small but crucial minority. I say "crucial" because black women in interracial relationships is a minority of a minority as it is, so even if a relative few ww were against bw in interracial relationships, that's still enough for a lot of black women in interracial relationships and marriages to experience this issue.
2 days, 19 hours ago on My Strong Is <em>Not</em> Your Strong, My Swirl Is <em>Not</em> Your Swirl: On White Women Entitlement Issues And Epic Cockblocking
I wrote this post in response to one of the women's comments on the other thread. This is basically how I feel whenever white women try to butt in on discussions specially geared toward black women.
" 'why cant women just be women without being black or white or asian or indian'
Is it a bad thing for black women to have special interest sites?
Women have special interest sites that men aren't meant to be on. Because some issues that women experience are different from those that men experience.
People in the LGBT community have their own special interest websites, because there are straight people who don't understand the issues of non-heterosexual people.
People who struggle with disabilities have their own special interest websites, because there are able-bodied people who don't understand the issues of disabled people.
I think you are just going to have to accept that there are differences between human beings, and that people want to deal with the issues that come with these differences--apart from "outsiders" who really don't know about those differences.
Are you willing to humble yourself and consider the fact that as a white woman, there are things about black women that you simply don't understand because you are a different race?
Because as a straight woman, I claim to know nothing about the struggles of gay people.
As a thin woman, I claim to know nothing about the struggles of overweight people.
As an able-bodied woman, I claim to know nothing about the struggles of disabled woman.
As a Christian woman in the United States, I claim to know nothing about the struggles of non-Christian women in the United States.
Your defensiveness and lack of empathy, therefore, strike me as EXTREMELY arrogant."
For what it's worth, I have never expected any solidarity or empathy from women like the one I responded to, and I don't need it. The main thing that baffles me is the tendency to butt in on discussions that have nothing to do with them. Often it is also accompanied by a tendency to give an opinion that is more like a directive, and then put hands over one's ears, scream "La la la la, I can't hear you!" This attitude is the most sinister part of it all for me.
The woman in question even admitted to not caring about the opinion of black women. So why you on this thread, boo?
While I did not have this mentality before, I am beginning to now---some of these women should be banned just like the damaged beyond repair black male trolls. I don't care if it's blatant or passive-aggressive; trolling is still trolling.
@janet28 "why cant women just be women without being black or white or asian or indian"
Are you willing to humble yourself and consider the fact that as a white woman, there are things about black women that you simply don't understand because you are a different race?
Your defensiveness and lack of empathy, therefore, strike me as EXTREMELY arrogant.
2 days, 19 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@janet28 It's a website for black women who are primarily interested in interracial relationships.
@caligirl94117 @stephanie88 @FriendsofJay Yep. I always say that if God invented doctors for physical diseases, he purposed some for mental illnesses too!
@Elegance @Statuesque @_Toni_ You know, it is natural for some people, and I encourage women to feel okay with crying if that is their natural response...but there have been white women who have flat out admitted to me that they use their tears to get out of traffic tickets and the like...interestingly enough, I have not heard any other race of woman tell me that they try this technique.
2 days, 20 hours ago on My Strong Is <em>Not</em> Your Strong, My Swirl Is <em>Not</em> Your Swirl: On White Women Entitlement Issues And Epic Cockblocking
@SavageTango @liloulilou @dani-BBW @MySmile @Leona_LoveQuest I'm sure she was assuming they had their basic hygiene down pat.
The ones who don't shower are a lost cause.
2 days, 20 hours ago on Leona’s Love Quest: The ABC’s of Finding Love
@SavageTango @dani-BBW @liloulilou @MySmile @Leona_LoveQuest Oh, the imagery. Yucckkk. Gary, are you trying to make me feel like throwing up?
I do like the hipster look, though. Kinda. But more trendy hipster, like in the picture I attached...and less dirty, haven't-bathed-in-three-weeks hipster (like some of the dudes when I was still in college...yikes!!)
@PrettyBLKgurl @Neil Marsden @SavageTango I refused to leave the house from January through April. Except for work. :(
2 days, 20 hours ago on Neil’s Story: The Overseas Wedding that (Almost) Never Happened
@dani-BBW @PaoloP So true. I see a lot of guys into the whole "sports and drinking" life. Frankly, I find that incredibly dull.
3 days, 5 hours ago on AAWG: Tell a white guy
@ms22perfect If you watch Christelyn's follow-up video, you'll see that she has no issue with being thought of as "strong," but as ONLY being thought of as strong.
Your situation with your boyfriend is different because he recognizes you for ALL that you are, and not a "strong black woman" (TM).
3 days, 5 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
Thanks for sharing, Neil. I'm glad you've shared your story. I've been curious for some time about how you ended up here in Michigan from England! It's amazing what love moves you to do.
3 days, 6 hours ago on Neil’s Story: The Overseas Wedding that (Almost) Never Happened
Well, you've said it all here, Toni.
3 days, 9 hours ago on My Strong Is <em>Not</em> Your Strong, My Swirl Is <em>Not</em> Your Swirl: On White Women Entitlement Issues And Epic Cockblocking
@Sfbta Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night.
What's your excuse? I believe we are in the same time zone? (est)
3 days, 10 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@Adamw Oh, and I just realized that you said you actually did lose quite a bit of weight in a post below. Yeah...sorry if my comment sounded targeted below. I wasn't actually aware that you had lost weight when I wrote that post. I hope you get my point nonetheless.
@MySmile @onmywayup @MikeMittelstadt Yeah...I know that you've been around for a while (as I have...lol). I've never thought your posts sounded bitter, even though I know you haven't had all rosy experiences.
But as you know, it's not about the experiences...it's about how you reflect on them and how you express them. Sometimes I fear that some people (men and women) are not going to find significant others because of their attitudes.
@Sfbta, your profile pic looks delicious!
@Adamw I do hear what you are saying.
I'm going to say this in the hopes that I clear up your confusion.
As far as the word "masculine" not being a definition for "strong"--on a general level, context matters.
I don't see "feminine" in the thesaurus for "dainty," yet many people think dainty is a feminine trait, yes?
Furthermore, in cultures where women have traditionally been thought of as so much "weaker" than men that they couldn't work outside the home, or drive a car, etc....being strong may be a compliment.
For women who have never experienced this, but in fact have experienced the opposite, where others expect them to do it all (in contrast to most other women who aren't allowed to do "anything"), "strong" can result in mixed feelings. It's a compliment to some. (As in, "Yes, I have the ability to bounce back from every obstacle. I love being strong.")A mere statement of fact to others. (As in, "Yes...I've overcome a lot of obstacles because I've had to. I am strong, that's just what it is.") This can sometimes get annoying, just as it can get annoying hearing from someone over and over again that you have lost weight. ("Yes, I've lost 40 pounds...and...?")
And an insult to others who have been reduced to only being strong where other women have experienced full womanhood. Some because they believe the term is misapplied to them (like some black women who haven't experienced much "struggle" at all and don't particularly identify with that word...so it feels like you're addressing an individual with a stereotype).
Others because they have been taken advantage of in the name of that term. Like the perception that black women can endure more pain than women of other races has been mentioned several times upthread. Or the experience that some black women have where they are not given empathy for trying situations because they can handle it. The lack of safety that arises in some relationships where women do not feel safe in being vulnerable around their men because they are "strong." I think an important trait in a relationship is being able to let one's guard down around one's partner.
That's just on a general level.
Now...on an individual level, your mileage may vary. It really, really depends on the woman you are speaking to, so as you implied, just make sure the woman you are with is okay with the term.
I do think that Christelyn made this video, however, to challenge the idea that "strong black woman" is universally thought of as a compliment.
@MySmile @onmywayup @MikeMittelstadt No, don't worry about being off-topic. That's exactly the kind of stuff I like to hear! I enjoy hearing from women (especially black women) having positive experiences with men, because it seems like I'm hearing a lot about how men suck these days (from all races of women tbh).
I like how you mentioned that he is dominant yet gentle--it sounds like the "gentle masculinity" Christelyn referred to in her video.
3 days, 15 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@MySmile @onmywayup @MikeMittelstadt Yep, this friend of yours gets it. Enjoys you for everything that you are, including your strength.
For the record, I do believe that strength can be feminine. But the mental image of the "strong black woman" (TM) is not womanly at all. It's more like a robot. Or something. I don't know. I'm rambling. It's getting to be my bedtime around here. :D
3 days, 16 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@BWC That's a good point. Perhaps he wasn't trying to call her a 'strong black woman' (TM).
But the question remains...how could he know that she even possesses those traits if he doesn't know her? It's hard to necessarily tell whether or not she is a "strong" woman just over the course of one date.
@Sfbta Hmm. I'm sorry, @Sfbta. I'm not really sure what might cause that. I'm pretty much signed in permanently, but then again, I log in from my laptop. Do you use your phone or tablet?
Tracy, you just killed me.
My first "boyfriend," when I was in second grade, was Indian. Such a sweet kid. He lived in my apartment complex and wanted to introduce me to his mom and everything! He even proposed. (Ah, childhood crushes...gotta love 'em.)
Although my tastes have since expanded...let's just say that these men are my personal weakness right here.
3 days, 16 hours ago on Late Night Man Candy Monday: Welcome to Bollywood!!
@MikeMittelstadt No, they aren't mutually exclusive.
But it's not about not being strong. It's about not ONLY being strong. :)
3 days, 18 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@tonyrog Where do you find all these pictures?
@Sfbta Do you have a perspective on why some white people do this? Just curious to hear your thoughts.
@GoldenPrecious I wasn't allowed to cry either. I feel you.
3 days, 19 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@_Toni_ @onmywayup @Sfbta If that's what you're going to write about, then I can't wait to see this article.
I minored in a women's studies-related course, so I know the maddening phenomenon of which you speak.
I find the tendency of certain white women to refocus woc-centered discussions to their pov to be baffling....
Especially when I consider that there are lots of ways in which I am privileged, but I don't dare try to speak on the experiences of those who are less privileged than me in certain areas. I don't even visit their websites.
So while I understand the blindness and even the lack of empathy (to some extent), what I don't get is the patronizing paternalism coming from some of these women. What I mean is the butting into some of these discussions and trying to tell people how they should view the situation instead.
Nope. What's underlying this "butting in" is the assumption that *others* know more about me than I do about myself. And that makes no dang sense whatsoever...so I hope your article explores this.
@NATruthstudent @tracyreneejones Wow, seriously? I took both shop and home ec in middle school...hated them both. Nowadays, most schools don't have either, though...
@Sfbta Perhaps, but it gets stickier with white women in particular, largely due to feminism and the expectation that all "women" have the same struggles and concerns. Between white men and black women, there is no such expected solidarity.
That's one thing I dealt with in women's studies courses in university that made me re-evaluate my participation in mainstream feminism.
@tracyreneejones @SavageTango Your post took this topic to a whole 'nother dimension.
3 days, 22 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
If it's meant to be a compliment, then I will take the compliment. I get it--resilience is admirable. Who doesn't want a partner who isn't easily swayed by the challenges of life? ;)
But then for some, it can turn into an excuse to treat us as some subhuman creatures. If it means I'm not allowed to cry in front of you, or feel safe enough to express my vulnerabilities (and yes, weaknesses) around you...if it means I'm not supposed to have feelings...or that I'm always to do heavy lifting...that I never need assistance on something...then keep the compliment, please. I've spent enough of my life hiding my feelings, suffering for it, and going to therapy for it. The last thing I need to do is to continue that practice in a relationship.
Even dogs get treated better than that.
4 days, 12 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@Christelyn Uh-uh. She has to be trolling.
Where did she get that black women aren't "strong and proud"?
The point is that we want to be acknowledged as three-dimensional HUMAN BEINGS, not effing workhorses.
Forget her and her self-absorbed, trolling statement.