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@BeautyIAM @VintageNarcissa  "Black women shouldn't wear weaves, but we don't want to see that nappy mess on their heads either," says the delusional black man.

5 days ago on Like, Whoa! Black Women Featured AGAIN on BuzzFeed…But In a Good Way.

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@TheNoobie  "The closest thing he'll do to helping is recording her die in the rode and posting it on YouTube under the title of "Ghetto, Ugly Monkey Dying". Chile please!"

I just died. No...really.


But seriously, I've said this before...some of these black dudes are like the KKK. And some of us black women are the ones defending him? Omg like wtf? If you changed the skin color of those men and they were saying the same bullcrap, we'd (rightfully) dismiss those racist folks.

5 days ago on Like, Whoa! Black Women Featured AGAIN on BuzzFeed…But In a Good Way.

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@London Calling  "I have lived in America and white men there and non black men liked black women, I live in the UK and they def like black women. I have lived in Europe and they like black women...so where are these men that don't like black women? On the moon? Honey cause they sure as hell are not on planet earth. "

Lmao...well dang.

5 days, 1 hour ago on Buzzfeed Does Creative Video On Who’s Most Interested in Interracial Dating. What’s Your Take?

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@RobertJamesGriffith  "I suspect maybe America's history may play a role. The history of slavery in America was brutal.  And as a result, I think that the USA has a psychologically scarred  people when it comes to certain interracial pairings. Again, it is  just one mans opinion."

This is an astute analysis. 

5 days, 1 hour ago on Buzzfeed Does Creative Video On Who’s Most Interested in Interracial Dating. What’s Your Take?

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@LadyHumor  


"Also, a lot of them are very socially uncomfortable and don’t ‘know’ themselves. So, sometimes this pressure and drive to success isn’t always a good thing."

This was me for the longest time. I cracked in college and had a serious nervous breakdown because the thought of continuing like that seriously made me want to kill myself.


But...I think the great thing about my upbringing is that now that I've figured myself out, I'm unstoppable. My parents and other relatives did so much to succeed and to ensure the success of the next generation that I know what drive looks like. I just apply it in a different way these days. 

1 week, 2 days ago on African vs. African American: Can We Still Legitimately Claim Racism When Folks that Look Just Like Us Come Here and WIN?!

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@bellechose  The excuses people use to explain their mediocrity...lol smh. 

1 week, 2 days ago on African vs. African American: Can We Still Legitimately Claim Racism When Folks that Look Just Like Us Come Here and WIN?!

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@DWB @Alana 2  "That being said, immigrants have their own obstacles to overcome"

Absolutely. I'm glad my parents did the immigrating--because I'm not so sure I'd be able to handle it.

1 week, 2 days ago on African vs. African American: Can We Still Legitimately Claim Racism When Folks that Look Just Like Us Come Here and WIN?!

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It's just like if I were to date exclusively within my race...I would still consider the character of each person I'm dating.


Just because I may have an aesthetic or even a CULTURAL preference doesn't mean I don't consider the characteristics of the individual in front of me.

*I'm including the scenarios mentioned in this article...the patterns of behavior attributed to black (American) men and white (American) women can be considered cultural.

1 week, 3 days ago on The Great Debate: Should WM and BW Get Together Because Their Same Race Counterparts Are High Maintenance? Some Say Yes

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@DWB @onmywayup @SirLoinDeBeef  

You got that right. I mean...seriously? I didn't think there were any serious racial slurs for white people before, but a lot of those terms are hateful.

1 week, 4 days ago on QOTW: Interracial Relationships and the “N-Word”

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@DWB @onmywayup @SirLoinDeBeef  Some of those names...what the heck???


There are way too many names for white women who date black men on that site, by the way.

1 week, 4 days ago on QOTW: Interracial Relationships and the “N-Word”

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@SirLoinDeBeef Among me and the other non-white people I know...we just call white people, well...white people.

1 week, 4 days ago on QOTW: Interracial Relationships and the “N-Word”

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@chocolateadmiral  What I like about you is that you seem to be genuinely compassionate and solutions-oriented. #2 is very important. Very, very important. I appreciate your input on this website.

1 week, 4 days ago on Take a Look at This EBONY News Release and Tell Me What’s Wrong.

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I don't even listen to those songs or comedians anymore. Those who said that those entertainers are often black women haters are right. I don't have enough mental bandwidth for those folks.

1 week, 4 days ago on QOTW: Interracial Relationships and the “N-Word”

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@TiaMonae  Ugh. I remember reading a story about a cognitively disabled teenager (who had the mental/emotional capabilities of a four year old) being raped...people really did respond with "She knew what she was doing" and even more disgusting stuff. 

Oh, Blackistan...

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Who Gets Away With Raping Innocent Kids? Blackinstani Folks and Really Rich White People.

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"“[The] defendant will not fare well in Level 5 [prison] setting,” Jarden wrote in her order"

Really? So what?? Maybe he should have thought of that before raping his own little girl.


Poor girl, though...I'm praying for her. Seriously. What a way to start life...with your own father raping you and getting away with it. :/

2 weeks, 4 days ago on Who Gets Away With Raping Innocent Kids? Blackinstani Folks and Really Rich White People.

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@Browncow @ladyofmagic1974 @BeautyIAM  " You can't say anything bad about that place in the world or it's people even though some of them want to blow us up and are terrorizing/murdering Christians"

Yep--I have friends who are from that part of the world who had to leave because they were Christians who were being persecuted by the Muslim majority. Don't have anything against Islam, as about 1/4 to 1/3 of my family is Muslim, but miss me with the superiority complex.

2 weeks, 5 days ago on My Take on the Jamilah Lemieux Liberal vs. Conservative Kerfuffle

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@ladyofmagic1974 @Browncow @BeautyIAM  Interestingly enough, the countries with the highest proportions of Muslims are not in the Middle East. Maybe your brothers should become staunch defenders of Indonesia and South Asia (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh)...oh, wait. Lol.



2 weeks, 5 days ago on My Take on the Jamilah Lemieux Liberal vs. Conservative Kerfuffle

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@Dandelion100 @Justme65  I bet some black women are also supporting those videos. 

2 weeks, 5 days ago on Did You Know? Black Women Are Bashed On You Tube for Page Views.

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Omg...lmao at that Latino dude's reaction.

2 weeks, 5 days ago on Did You Know? Black Women Are Bashed On You Tube for Page Views.

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This letter may not be real, but I've certainly encountered this line of thinking in real life. 

2 weeks, 5 days ago on White Feminist Pretending To Be “Concerned” for Asian Women Marrying White Men…Yeah Right!

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The idea of sociopaths/psychopaths scares the heck out of me. Human "robots" with no empathy yet the ability to fake AND read emotions really well? Geez.


In reality, though, I have a keen eye for them. I don't know why this is exactly. I usually know that the (well-adjusted...I'm not talking about the anti-social ones) sociopath is the person that "everyone" likes...except me. Something about them usually reads "off" to me. I don't know if there is some body language that I am subconsciously reading...but in many cases, I've been able to spot sociopaths and narcissists where others have not. 


But I reiterate one of the key points of this website: evaluate your potential partner. Vetting is different for each individual, but I won't have sex with someone early in the relationship (I'm actually waiting until marriage)...and often times am not even emotionally invested in the beginning. During first dates, I gravitate toward lighter conversational topics rather than deep ones. I'm ensuring that he's not pushing boundaries as he gets to know me. Some people will push your boundaries to see what they can get away with, especially as you get more comfortable with one another. (For example, is he only calling you during "booty call" hours? Does he show up to dates fifteen, twenty minutes late with a vague explanation--or none at all?) 

If he moves too fast and turns the intensity up waaayyy too high, too soon (like was said in the article), he could be a sociopath. Or he could be looking for "fun." Either way, if you're looking for a relationship, run the other way. Relationships are meant to last a long time. They are marathons, not sprints. No need to jump in all at once. :)




3 weeks, 1 day ago on Five Reasons Sociopaths Are So Good In Bed

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@MalekaSparkle @Christelyn  I don't know about you...but I pray AND go to a counselor...just like I would pray AND go to the doctor for a physical ailment...I don't think counseling/therapy takes away from your spirituality.

3 weeks, 4 days ago on Recognize Yourself? Five Signs You Are An Angry Black Woman

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@LovelyLulu  Wow, that's really sad. I hope you continue to work through your issues. You may have to keep your sister at arm's length for a while as you make your efforts to improve yourself. Dreamkillers, naysayers, trolls, and haters are awful for self-improvement, especially during the early phases. Best of luck to you.


I've also dealt with anxiety, social anxiety, depression, and I know from life experience that you can get better and even thrive. So I'm rooting for you.


I know (and hope you know) that what your sister said wasn't truth--it was a reflection of how she feels about life in general in part due to whatever unresolved issues she has.

3 weeks, 4 days ago on Recognize Yourself? Five Signs You Are An Angry Black Woman

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Oh, and the guy in the question is VERY likely interested. 


3 weeks, 4 days ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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Springtime doesn't seem like it's anywhere in sight in these parts...maybe indoor gardening?


I loved Get The Guy. I think one thing that really helped was the idea of exposure. Matthew recommended meeting lots of guys, so I took a part-time job that actually got me out of the house and put me in the public eye. After a while, I started noticing when men were flirting. Honestly, it happens pretty much every day. I might not have noticed this if I hadn't read books like Get The Guy and started paying attention to what the guys were saying, mannerisms, body language, etc. (All this happening on a sub-conscious level, by the way. It's not like I'm thinking, "Okay, LOOK into his eyes and see if his pupils are dilating!!!!!")


Now it's completely different. Noticing that many guys are attracted makes me feel relaxed and less desperate, which leads to more easygoing behavior on my part, which the guys like and are attracted to...Positive feedback cycle. 


You best believe that these days I'm flirting right back with the men who talk to me lol! Yesterday I must have met three guys, and I'm not even actively looking at the moment! (Now that's what I'm talking about!)


The way I was before, I thought I never would have been that at ease with men. Men used to be alien creatures from outer space to me. I also used to be painfully shy and wondered how I would even meet the right guy down the line.

So one suggestion I have is to find a way to come in contact with different men on a regular basis. After a while you see patterns of indicators of interest. (This is just general advice for whoever wants it.)

3 weeks, 4 days ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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I love this post! Love the idea of breaking boundaries and forging new paths! Glad you had the courage to do it :)

4 weeks ago on BB&W Fan, ‘Dr. PhillyGirl’: How International Travel Changed My Life

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I hate this. I won't watch the video. I think there's a difference between spanking and beating the crap out of someone.  I think that if you're beating the crap out of someone, you lack discipline yourself as you let your anger get the best of you...so how can you tell your child that you're "disciplining" them?

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@markhaaseth  Jeez. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you're out of it now, but I hate that it happened to you (and countless other people out there).

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@Law Wanxi @SirLoinDeBeef  "There are Gay Black Males; the Black Construct needs to acknowledge that fact and more forward. Instead, they'll probably engage in some tortuous mental gymnastics to ultimately Blame The Evil White Man. Typical."

You know what's funny??? I just read a comment on the artist's YouTube video that said exactly this.

"...
The white man threw black men in prison for a reason to break down his power and masculinity so that he would not be a threat to the white race. Black men come out of prison gay, full of diseases, unemployable and broken like a slave. They send this black human garbage back to the community to spread HIV to both black men AND black women. Genius hit two birds with one stone. Black men get rewarded for being gay in sports and In the media to send the message that the less dominant a black man is the more rewarded he will get. Oh William Lynch had another chapter we never read."

Lmao at those weak-minded individuals... 



4 weeks, 1 day ago on OMG No Words. (NSFW) Well…Maybe This Could Encourage Thug-Love Down Lows to Come On Out.

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I actually hope this offends some heterosexual black men. I'm talking about the ones who are desensitized to watching women being the video vixens in those videos. Maybe they'll see what it's like to be objectified so blatantly.


(Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. I mean, after all, some guys missed the point when Khia came out with "My Neck, My Back" over ten years ago.)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDJu7r6OUvk&feature=kp



4 weeks, 1 day ago on OMG No Words. (NSFW) Well…Maybe This Could Encourage Thug-Love Down Lows to Come On Out.

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@Dandelion100  I've always thought Lil Wayne was gay. Doesn't he say "no homo" in every song?

4 weeks, 1 day ago on OMG No Words. (NSFW) Well…Maybe This Could Encourage Thug-Love Down Lows to Come On Out.

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@kbramur @Christelyn  So if they're judging people for dressing like that to the gym---how exactly is this a "no-judgement" zone?

4 weeks, 1 day ago on A True WTF Moment…When a Gym Manager Tells a Black Woman She’s Too Fit.

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@Swirlgirl28 @BeautyIAM @NicoleLittle  That's because those people can't read statistics.  Yes, out of the black men who are ALREADY MARRIED, the majority are married to black women. (And this includes the old school folks who are married--interracial marriage has risen quite fast in recent years.)


They neglect to mention that most black men of marriageable age aren't married. 


So let's say that 27% of black men are married in the first place and 75% of black men who are married are married to black women. That's really only like...20 percent of black men total who are married to black women.  



Btw, I made the statistics up but my point still stands.

1 month ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning

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@NicoleLittle  "When the integration took place, black males left black women in the dust."

Yep. I definitely see this happening in my real life. 

1 month ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning

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@markhaaseth @18andlegal  I live in the metro-Detroit area. Yes, it's racially polarized...but I definitely see BW/WM couples from time to time. 

1 month ago on Sh!t Haters Say to Discourage Black Women From Dating Out

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Okay, I sort of get the confusion about this nice guy thing. I'm a former "nice girl" who wore that ish as some sort of defense mechanism. Honestly, I was dull as dirt, bitter as heck, and mean-spirited for not getting my way in life. But I was too busy wearing my nice girl badge to see this issue.


I can understand the anger because some people are raised this way. We are told that if you just show up, you'll reap all kinds of rewards. If you're a good girl and you get good grades, stay out of trouble, don't sleep with random guys, dress nicely but conservatively, and do nice things for other people, someday a great man will notice you and sweep you off your feet. If you're a good guy and you study hard, major in engineering, make decent money, and stay away from the law, you'll find a great woman who appreciates all these qualities. Because you're just so nice.


But being nice is merely a baseline. There are tons of nice people, and I found out that being a nice girl didn't mean jack squat. There are girls who are nice...and they are also attractive, funny, smart, have similar interests, and most importantly, have similar values and lifestyle patterns as the guys who are attracted to them. 


When I was a nice girl, I didn't consider guys as the individuals they were. I just thought, "Well, I'm NICE, so most guys would be lucky to have me."

Now that I'm me, and that I just identify as a woman with a sum of personality traits (which sometimes includes being nice, kind, sweet, polite, etc.)...I'm able to see things as...well, am I a good fit for the particular man in front of me? Will he find the sum of my personality traits, looks, habits, etc. pleasing? Do we have compatible lifestyles/values/hobbies? 


Nothing wrong at all with having a good character, or even taking pride in it. But thinking that most people should be so lucky to be graced with my presence because of said good character...it's a bit much for me. Narcissistic even.

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@Transigence  Hmmm...maybe it's just me reading and analyzing this article from a different context/lens...but I don't see how she's condemning all good men. In fact, she dedicates a paragraph or so to describing a "guy who is good," which is basically a (real) good guy.  

She's talking about a certain type of Nice Guy who seems to think that his niceness alone will attract women. Basically, because he's law-abiding and doesn't abuse women (for example), he should automatically attract the woman of his dreams.



Also, genuinely curious...what does class have to do with this? 

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@FriendsofJay @Alexcee7  Mr. Jay, there are tons of people out there telling young women like myself to avoid men because they are only after one thing. I recently had a woman tell me this while I was at the grocery store.


I personally wasn't told that sort of stuff growing up, so I don't generally view men with that sort of suspicion. I enjoy receiving compliments from men and women, and realize that not every compliment from a guy means that he wants to sleep with me. But I know a lot of women who grew up with this script...and they think all men are cheaters and sex-craved individuals.


I think a similar thing has happened with a lot of black women in the United States who have been told that white men fetishize them. I have black female Facebook friends who post statuses telling white men to stop fetishizing them. All the white guys in question did was compliment them...but these women seem to think that white guys view them as some sort of sexual plaything. 


Ugh. I hate when things get unnecessarily complicated like this. 

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@AllahArmbar  The good guys are men because they have male genitalia...in other words, they do the bare minimum to be considered decent and want kudos for that. 

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@Oaktown Paul  @Alexcee7 @FriendsofJay  You've pretty much described it all. I have no problems with genuinely good guys. The "bad boy appeal" gene missed me, though I've seen it afflict countless girls in college. 

But "Nice Guys" (I'm not talking about guys of genuinely good character) strike me as disingenuous for being nice because they are expecting something in return. They strike me as insecure because (some) don't defend their boundaries (they do things that they don't genuinely want to do just because they think they will get some sort of acknowledgement or something from the other person). Some of them also strike me as clueless or generic--as if to say, "Well, I'm NICE, so that's why you should be with me," not "I have a sum of pleasant personality traits and habits that are compatible and complementary to yours." 


Finally, there are tons of nice guys out there. But if I don't share the same core values as those guys, I will never be with them. Period. There is no way that I'm spending the rest of my life with someone with whom I am fundamentally incompatible.


I do somewhat get it because I was the "nice girl" who was passed up for "bad girls," "crazy girls," etc. in high school and the first year or two of college. It frustrated the heck out of me that I couldn't attract a guy to save my life. But once I got it, I got it. My being "nice" had nothing to do with what any particular guy wanted. And you know what? They were not obligated to like me just because I was "nice."

I have a lot to offer and the right guy will recognize this. In the meantime, no man owes me his attention or his attraction simply because I think my personality is pleasant. 

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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