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@starlightbubbles27 @Brenda55 Lol. I think it's funny that the guys on the body-building forum haven't heard of the delete button. Anyway, this is why I don't message men online. You never know who you're dealing with. 

5 hours, 52 minutes ago on Letter Writer Explains Non-Black Male Hesitancy in Approaching Black Women

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I'm loving the vintage inspired look!

6 hours, 50 minutes ago on Black and White Gingham and Red All Over…

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@FriendsofJay I don't know why you're comparing yourself to these letter writers, because if I remember correctly, you actually had the courage to pursue a relationship with a black woman decades ago, when it wasn't even remotely acceptable to do so. This is 2015--what's their excuse?


It's not swagger we are looking for. We just want to be approached like other women are, instead of being expected to make the first move as though we are honorary men. 


And yes, there are black women who won't touch non-black men with a ten foot pole. But at the same time, many of us black women have heard that we are the untouchables of the earth, from men of all races, and yet many of us still go out there and date non-black men.


We just want to be acknowledged as women--nothing more and nothing less. 



7 hours, 28 minutes ago on Letter Writer Explains Non-Black Male Hesitancy in Approaching Black Women

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@dani-BBW @onmywayup Thanks! There are actually a few within a few hours of me, so I'll be checking them out and checking in on your posts. 

7 hours, 33 minutes ago on Great Times at SXSW

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@Cami2210 @Letta @jazzyfae45 Actually, I've heard this said flat out enough times to believe that you are telling the truth. Grr.

7 hours, 40 minutes ago on Letter Writer Explains Non-Black Male Hesitancy in Approaching Black Women

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@Lady A Wow! She is gorgeous! 

7 hours, 59 minutes ago on Black Beauty: Celebrating Black Women’s Luscious Lips

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@jazzyfae45 Exactly! That's why in that post I was asking what we are supposed to do. In the case of the Hispanic letter writer, he actually said that he could tell black women were interested but he wouldn't approach because he was afraid of their families. There is absolutely NOTHING a woman can do about that fear, especially if he won't even talk to her first. 

8 hours, 12 minutes ago on Letter Writer Explains Non-Black Male Hesitancy in Approaching Black Women

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@Awesee I'm laughing at this entire thread because I went out last weekend to an event that was dominated by men. I could tell that both American and non-American men were attracted to me...yet guess which men actually had the courage to approach?


Just guess. 

8 hours, 32 minutes ago on Letter Writer Explains Non-Black Male Hesitancy in Approaching Black Women

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Okay, I do feel for these anxious letter-writers. Rejection is scary. I get it.


BUT!!!!


Part of the reason many of us are getting weary of these comments are because we heard the same type of comments, except directed toward black women. Those "I could never date a black woman" and "anybody but a black woman" type of remarks.


And yet many of us are not afraid to be who we are and go after what we want.


I still date, evaluate, and consider all kinds of men, even after hearing that 'those kind' of men don't like black women. 


I understand fear of the 'nothing but a black man' stigma...but sometimes I wonder...what are we (black women) supposed to do? Some of us are already DEMONSTRATING OUR INTEREST (like the women in that letter from the Hispanic guy), and still aren't getting approached because of some fear which 'may' or 'may not' be true.


Also, I've had similar experiences to a lot of the commenters here. It's not like I've had no luck with American non-black men, but still I find it interesting that I would show signs of openness that an American non-black man would not "understand," but that a foreigner wouldn't miss. 


Some of these foreign men who approach me and even intend to develop serious relationships with me are from countries with no black people, colorist countries, and/or are obviously shy in various ways, and yet they still make their interest known. Maybe it's because these foreigners are out of their comfort zone already, so they figure "why not?" Whatever the reason, it's working for them. I'm noticing that some of my friends (mostly black women) are marrying foreigners these days, even though they all thought they would marry Americans.


Seriously. Fortune favors the bold. 

8 hours, 38 minutes ago on Letter Writer Explains Non-Black Male Hesitancy in Approaching Black Women

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@Cami2210 


@smartacus 


Yep. A lot of the black women saying things like that haven't really interacted with too many white men. Thus the "white men are aliens" questions like "Will he accept my hair?"

This particular case was a bit surprising to me, not because he was non-black, but because he says he's grown up around black people. I just think he's letting his anxiety get in the way. 

9 hours, 29 minutes ago on QOTW: Hispanic Man Hesitant to Approach Black Women…

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@lili2009 @Veronica1965 They are probably more neurotic and let their random anxieties about approaching women get to them, whereas the other guys recognize these fears for what they are and bite the bullet.



9 hours, 31 minutes ago on QOTW: Hispanic Man Hesitant to Approach Black Women…

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@blackvalkyrie Your family may say stuff, but you're doing important work. 

9 hours, 36 minutes ago on Breaking Point? What’s Up with All These Stories of Black Women Killing Their Children?!

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@creoladay923 @allie1231 Context. It's not "too many babies being born," it's "too many babies being born in subpar conditions."

When babies are born in subpar conditions, these babies are at risk. If not to be killed, then to be abused, to develop personality disorders and neurological conditions, etc. etc. 

9 hours, 37 minutes ago on Breaking Point? What’s Up with All These Stories of Black Women Killing Their Children?!

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@caligirl94117 @darkandlovely Would those same people tell you to stop taking your meds if you had a physical disease, like diabetes? Or how about if you had cancer, would they tell you not to get chemo because Jesus? I've had bad experiences with the recognition of mental illnesses in churches, why is why I don't attend any at this point. 

9 hours, 43 minutes ago on Breaking Point? What’s Up with All These Stories of Black Women Killing Their Children?!

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This is a fantastic article! I won't lie, there were some things that you mentioned that I dismissed (like Beyond the Lights) until I heard the story behind them. Glad to hear that you're writing a TV pilot about missing black women. Congrats!


I'm definitely going to check out some film festivals and support a better media image for us black women. 

9 hours, 53 minutes ago on Great Times at SXSW

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" i do get alot of stares from black women (interested stares) but i am scared to approach them because i know how black people can be( the families not the girl)"


I think this is the issue here. It's not knowing whether they are interested, but you are worried about whether or not the woman's family might accept you?


I think the important thing to remember is that every woman is an individual and will handle certain situations differently. I think it's too soon to think about how a potential interest's family might react before you've even spoken to them. Now, after you have started dating them and gotten to know them a bit...then you can start evaluating whether or not her family might accept you.


My advice? Take things one step at a time. It's good to look far into the future, but not so far that you're eliminating possibilities. 

1 day, 14 hours ago on QOTW: Hispanic Man Hesitant to Approach Black Women…

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@MACI I just think she needs to have a chat with her son. Her son needs to realize that there are consequences for his actions, and there are consequences for lying about them too...and this affects more than just him. 

1 day, 17 hours ago on False Claims of Racial Profiling Like Son of Taraji P. Henson and Daniele Watts Make It Hard For the Rest of Us.

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@LCStrings @PoetOfDarkness I think by "middle America" she means like small town/suburban America. She probably wouldn't have a problem with NYC/LA types or European white men.


I'm sorry to hear about your relative. Yikes! I also hope Azealia gets the help she needs. From what I've heard, she's had a tough childhood.

1 day, 17 hours ago on Wait…WHET?! Azealia Banks Dates White Guys? Is She Not Allowed to Complain of Black Men Now?

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You are right, Zara. This list could go on forever...lol.


We just tend to have some beautifully shaped lips. :)

1 day, 18 hours ago on Black Beauty: Celebrating Black Women’s Luscious Lips

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@allie1231 "I had a black guy that was into me in college recently contact me and accuse me of self-hate all because I didn't want to meet up with him to chat it up (but of course he really and truly want to do more than that). Mind you I am married (for 7 years)"

Yeah. He should have shut up as soon as he found out you were married. Silly rabbit. 

2 days, 15 hours ago on Wait…WHET?! Azealia Banks Dates White Guys? Is She Not Allowed to Complain of Black Men Now?

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@Cami2210 Plus I'm pretty sure I've seen her linked to white guys in the media anyway.

2 days, 15 hours ago on Wait…WHET?! Azealia Banks Dates White Guys? Is She Not Allowed to Complain of Black Men Now?

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@MySmile I was wondering where you were when this first came out.

2 days, 16 hours ago on QOTW: “Should I Continue Dating Someone Who Might Be Racist?”

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@Cami2210 @CS @jazzyfae45 "If you are mean't to feel another way, it'll happen naturally."

I agree with this. I grew up in majority white suburbs until high school, where I went to a more racially diverse school (not too many black kids, though). I was exposed to the same "media" that everyone else was exposed to. And yet, I was and still am attracted to black guys (as well as other guys). 


The fact that I date mostly white guys (and some Hispanics, Middle Easterners, South Asians, etc.) comes from the pool of men who express interest in me and/or reciprocate my interest. I haven't had too many black men interested since the first guy I dated in college.

2 days, 17 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

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@Cami2210 @CS @Keyasha For me, when I was in college, it was a little different. I would meet and connect with individual black women, and then eventually we all started hanging out in a group together. We all had a common bond that came from being misfits or not quite fitting in when we were in high school. 


I also had tons of other non-black friends/acquaintances, but college was honestly the first time I had close black female friends.

2 days, 17 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

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Thanks so much for compiling these, Dani! I'm going to check out some of these. The Anita Hill one sounds really interesting.

2 days, 17 hours ago on More Film and TV Projects Featuring Black Women

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@smartacus @Cami2210 Oh...I was about to say something about that. I've "run" through yellow lights before...I didn't know it wasn't legal. Good thing to find out that it is legal!



2 days, 17 hours ago on False Claims of Racial Profiling Like Son of Taraji P. Henson and Daniele Watts Make It Hard For the Rest of Us.

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@MySmile Right, you can still talk about race without making it the central focus of your relationship. 


I would be bothered by someone telling me that my experiences are "all in my head." Sounds like a lack of empathy to me.



4 days, 4 hours ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

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@Sfbta You know, I remember writing that comment, but I can't remember where I wrote it either.


I'm skeptical of study summaries myself. I like to see the actual data.

4 days, 4 hours ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

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@bririddick19 @onmywayup Brazilian men can be hot, so I don't blame you!


I'm sorry your mom is hurting your feelings without realizing it. I just want to reiterate that there's nothing wrong with you. 

4 days, 4 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

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@bririddick19 Well, one thing I can say for sure is that you are definitely on the right site! Who knows how many of us have been told "don't give up on black men" (including me)?


I understand why you're feeling hurt. It's as if your mother hasn't completely accepted your preferences. But I'm sure your mother loves you and will support the choices you end up making. And even if she doesn't--because there are some parents who are stuck on an ideal of yesteryear--then you need to do whatever it is that sits well with your heart.


If you find that you are mostly attracted to white and Hispanic men, don't deny that. God isn't being cruel to you or anything. To me, it's like any other preference. I like men who are fit. Some women like men who are tall. Some women prefer certain hair and eye colors on men. You probably like features that are more common on white and some Hispanic men, so it is what it is. No need to feel guilt about that!



4 days, 19 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

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@mim86 If that's you in your avatar, then no need to be jealous! Girl, you are stunning! 


Beautiful black women everywhere, I swear! 

5 days, 10 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

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@Cami2210 @oceanspray Honestly, in many African countries, women tend to do all of the work and get none of the recognition or protection.


I've been to several sub-saharan African countries, and have noticed this common theme. Patriarchy is a beast anyway, but this is patriarchy where women are expected to work like men and yet still be inferior to them.  

5 days, 15 hours ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

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First of all--Maxi Me is gorgeous, looking just like her mama!! :)


Secondly, Maxi is right. People act weird in high school. I didn't fit in while I was in high school and I thought it was the end of the world. I thought that because boys weren't paying much attention to me then (or they would look but not touch), I would be undesirable for life.


Wrong! Once you get out of high school, things become a lot easier. Men are more open to being honest about their attractions. And from what I've experienced, more men are into black women than you would think.


You're definitely good enough for whatever kind of guy you want to date. But in the meantime, focus on friendship, school, your future, and your interests/extracurricular activities.


It gets easier. I promise. :) 

5 days, 15 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

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@dani-BBW @Christelyn Yep--high school sucks everywhere. I thought my experience in high school would determine my success in the "real world." 


So happy it didn't! In high school, I did get some attention but not much more than the looks. (The guys were "too shy" to admit that they felt a certain way for me.)  After that...a whole other story. Even though it's about 50-60% white guys who seem to take interest, men of virtually every ethnicity don't hesitate to seek my company, and thank goodness for that!

5 days, 15 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

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@Keyasha I hate those reality shows! Ugh!!!!!

6 days, 7 hours ago on Once Again, Main Stream Media Awards Black Dysfunction, and You LOVE It!!

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Your hair is gorgeous. Great info in the video, by the way.

1 week ago on Video: New Technology in Hair Care

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@Tempaccount Do you have a health food store in your area? You can often find peppermint oil there.


And yes, peppermint oil absolutely does help with hair growth. Mainly because it stimulates the follicles on your scalp. However, since it is an essential oil, you will need to put a few drops inside a carrier oil...like jojoba, which I think @giantrafflesia mentioned because it mimics the natural oils on your scalp. It will be less irritating that way.

1 week ago on Video: New Technology in Hair Care

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Oh...shoot. I hadn't read the actual article when I wrote this. Apparently she did mention the hair excuse.


How predictable. Sigh!

1 week ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

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@Aquagirl1 @thecrazyartist @PoetOfDarkness @blackvalkyrie "Jezebel actually published an article saying that white men who date Asian women are racist."

Now, that doesn't even make no damn sense. But I know the phenomenon of which you speak.



1 week ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

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@CassieM12345 @Curlygirl83 I love the info you contribute to these discussions.


And, yes, the effects of sexual abuse are REAL. I feel for those women who became "hoes" (note the quotation marks) as a response. I personally reacted to my childhood incidences by not trusting my judgement at all and avoiding men altogether (until a few years ago).

1 week ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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That picture is beautiful, shows that interracial coupling is truly not some new and strange thing. 

1 week ago on History: Swirling for the Sake of the Children (and Yourselves) 

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@Cami2210 @onmywayup @trinigirl1 @mlank64 @The Working Home Keeper Lol yes!!!! Blond men ask me out all the time. And the white women I mention this also don't seem to know how to handle this.


I do agree with you--many of them don't seem to know what our lies are really like! 

1 week, 1 day ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

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@Lady Humor "Still, what gets me is that these guys think their ‘hurting’ American women because they happen to ‘get out’ of the ‘marriage market’.  Really?

Boy, bye. 

You realize that there is a global woman shortage, right?"

Lol. That's what cracks me up about this whole thing. The world is a big place, and a few American men who decide to opt out aren't affecting me and my marriage prospects. I have friends who have dated and married non-American men...even men of ethnic groups who supposedly aren't into black women. 


I actually encourage those men to continue to stay away from women--it's best for them and it's best for us (women). 

1 week, 1 day ago on Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has.

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