Livefyre Profile

Activity Stream

@Neil Marsden @trinigirl1 @ParadiseInWinter Like @ParadiseInWinter, I too once had my serious doubts about long-distance relationships. I no longer feel that way. People in love do extraordinary things, and this is coming from someone who once prided herself on being the least romantic person in the world. 

13 hours, 25 minutes ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@oceanspray I think a crucial step is knowing that meeting and marrying such men is attainable in the first place. Looks like you are already there.



18 hours, 59 minutes ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

This is lovely. Love that he's tied this to charitable work as well as promoting the unique beauty of black women's hair. 

19 hours, 12 minutes ago on Reader Responds to “What Black Men Think of Natural Hair” Post

Reply

@Karla My indifference has been noted, though.  Several BM have asked me why it doesn't bother me.  My pat answer is usually, "Live and let live.  If she makes you happy, more power to you."  One man kept pestering me, telling me my answer was what liberal White people said.  He pressed, "It doesn't bother you, even one little bit, that I'm with a WW?  Aren't you jealous?  I'm an IBM, a 'catch'.  Women want me and BW would kill to have me.  But you don't care.  I don't know if I believe that."  My answer was, "If it makes you feel better to think that, nothing I can say will change what you think.  Maybe I should care but I just don't.  You could date a Tellurian woman and have chartreuse-colored kids; in the scheme of my life, I just wouldn't give a sh*t.  What you should be asking yourself, though, is why you care that I don't care.  In my mind, that's the sickest part."



Wow. I can't believe he wanted you to care that much. Interesting...

21 hours, 50 minutes ago on QOTW: IR Dating Black Woman Hates Seeing Black Men Do It Too

Reply

@ParadiseInWinter @Statuesque It seems like you're not just smart in one area! The smarts you've used to build your company are going to come in handy when it comes time to evaluate a man for relationships and marriage. Good for you for asking these questions and preparing yourself for the changes to come. 

22 hours, 30 minutes ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@Shaylah  Great point, Shaylah. I know so many highly educated black women who are struggling because they have a bunch of family members leeching off their success. It's disgusting. 

22 hours, 33 minutes ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

Hmm...I have to say I minded seeing the bm/ow pairing back when I was younger, single, and didn't realize that we black women could also date outside our race. I think I did internalize the belief that nobody wants black women (not even black men) back when I was a teenager.


But it's a little different now that I know different. I don't really notice that particular pairing anymore; they're just like any other couple to me at this point. If they don't bother me, I won't bother them. Fortunately that seems to be a rare occurrence these days. 


I can understand how you're feeling. I think the first step was being honest that you feel that way. Maybe once you discover "why," you'll find that over time, seeing black men with non-black women will sting less and less. 

22 hours, 45 minutes ago on QOTW: IR Dating Black Woman Hates Seeing Black Men Do It Too

Reply

@Leille "Tech bros hitting on baristas..."


Good lord. 

1 day ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@ParadiseInWinter @Christelyn Congrats! Your hard work has paid off and I wish you success!


1 day ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@Swirlgirl28 @Ri74 @oceanspray "My last boyfriend (white) had savings, but was a struggling teacher."


Interestingly enough, teachers (and engineers) are reputed to be among the best at managing the income they have. 


It's not necessarily about the money you earn, but about the money you keep. 


As to the other stuff about the divorce stats, those are affected by things like age, education, and which marriage it is. Second marriages, youth, and less education pull the divorce stats up. College educated people who get married in their mid-twenties or later for the first time are way less likely to get divorced (I think about 22%).

1 day ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@mlank64 @_Toni_ Your husband seems to know that it's not about the money you make, but about the money you keep.


It does seem to be a bit more of a rare quality in my generation (milliennials). 

1 day ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@321ZYX @Swirlgirl28 I actually remember a few years ago when there was a small buzz surrounding both of the Azaleas. I thought Azealia Banks was going to be the more famous one. I'm a little surprised about Iggy Azalea's success, but it is what it is, I guess. 

1 day, 17 hours ago on Azealia Banks’ New Boo is HAAAWWWRRRRTTT!!!

Reply

@zipporah @LCStrings Ahh, @zipporah, I'm sure you know by now that many people do stupid things and then blame it on "religion." Lol.

1 day, 17 hours ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@oceanspray I think part of it is that idiotic train of thought that "nobody wants black women."

1 day, 18 hours ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@zimekcyn "Is it because someone knew that a large majority of bm would become trifling males?"


Actually, yes. I've even heard it said from nbabm black women that most black men don't fit the same standards as other men, so black women should lower their standards for them. 


However, it's framed as "The Man (tm) is keeping the black man down." 

1 day, 18 hours ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@EarthJeff @Brenda55 @Savannahpostnew1 Funny how 99% of the time they back down when a man challenges them. 

1 day, 19 hours ago on Yes; Black Men Get Hate For Dating Interracially, Too. But Here’s the Difference.

Reply

@RobertJamesGriffith @AllenR


"The one group of women  I always had trouble talking to were African American women. I wasn't intimidated or anything like that. However I felt a sense of guilt due to what my ancestors had done to theirs. I thought "how can I go up to this female and start chatting her up when I know  full well (as does she)  the horrific level of pain that my ancestors inflicted upon hers. It's not like I actively walked around thinking about it all day. But I have no doubt that it affected me on a sub-conscious/semi-conscious level whenever I tried to form a bonding relationship with Black American women."

That's an honest admission if I've ever seen one. Thanks for sharing.


I do think that the slavery narrative is where a lot of the resistance between black women and white men in the US comes from. I say "narrative," instead of referring to the reality of slavery. 


Why? Because interestingly, slavery did not stop black men from pursuing white woman. That's because, although white women certainly contributed to the oppression of black men in the past, this is not as stressed as what white men have done to black women (raping them and all of that). 


I do see more white American men and black American women bridging the gap in the past few years, and I am happy it is happening. 

1 day, 19 hours ago on Recent Incident in Maine a Sober Reminder That Interracial Couples are Still a Target

Reply

This is a very sobering post. Now that I think about it, this is one of the few blogs where I see black women even encouraged to pursue hypergamy or assortative mating. Everywhere else, black women are considered "gold diggers" for wanting someone who is on their level. 


I say it's more than about the two people who are getting married. Say that couple wants children, or to build a legacy for future generations. Who you choose to marry will almost certainly affect the future outcome. I have a few friends who married someone of a similar education level, and only about five or so years after graduation from college, they are already probably in the top 5% of household income in the US. Their children will have access to better schools and more opportunities than those who chose to marry down. Then imagine how those opportunities and networks will serve these people's grandchildren as well.


On an individual level--if you are college educated, then there are some things that you may be able to relate better with another college graduate. You may share some similar values. It's just another way of measuring compatibility between partners. 


Now there are exceptions to the rule--if you're a lawyer, then marrying the self-educated dropout who owns a successful business is waaay different than marrying the cashier at Walmart.  

1 day, 19 hours ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@LCStrings Fantastic questions in your second paragraph.

1 day, 20 hours ago on New Study Suggests Professional Black Women “Marry Down” More Often Than Anyone

Reply

@MonyRiles This song is catchy!

1 day, 22 hours ago on Azealia Banks’ New Boo is HAAAWWWRRRRTTT!!!

Reply

@miami2ibiza2121 @Sameriah 99 My experience is much like yours. Back when I wore what you called "thot hair," I did get more attention from the DBR "I like long hurr" types. (I even got a comment like that once from some guy. I gave him a weird look because really? My hair was fake.)


Now, I wear natural hair, and get a higher caliber of man approaching me. 

2 days, 10 hours ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@dani-BBW @Aleah2015 Wait...what? Do I even want to know what's going on with that? 



2 days, 12 hours ago on Azealia Banks’ New Boo is HAAAWWWRRRRTTT!!!

Reply

He's cute! 

2 days, 18 hours ago on Azealia Banks’ New Boo is HAAAWWWRRRRTTT!!!

Reply
@flywithjohn--are you and @seemebeautiful together? I think it's adorable that you're replying to each other's comments!

2 days, 18 hours ago on Azealia Banks’ New Boo is HAAAWWWRRRRTTT!!!

Reply

@WorldTravelingChic Omg!!! He's the man of my fantasies. 

4 days, 11 hours ago on Open Thread: Latin men 24/7

Reply

@WorldTravelingChic My...what a beautiful man. 

4 days, 11 hours ago on Open Thread: Latin men 24/7

Reply

@simplylois "LOL, so your Dad was considered a bad @ss for a brief second? I bet that was hard for you to imagine. 😆 Parents were young once."

I definitely can't imagine either of my parents ever being badass. And yet, from what I hear, they both had their moments!

4 days, 12 hours ago on QOTW: Are There Any Subjects Off Limits On An Interracial Date?

Reply

@FriendsofJay I agree with most of this comment. I'm not really attracted to the Eminem/wannabe rapper types. And I absolutely hate it when white guys who aren't Eminem types try to act "blacker" to relate to me more. 


And yeah, I don't care to hear about how you looooove black women (you're on a date with me, not "black women"), or your knowledge of black history, or how you love Tyler Perry movies and Scandal and R&B music. I mean, it's okay if you like those things, but I once had a guy who only talked about all the "black" things he liked, as if that were supposed to impress me or something.


Yes, just act the same as you would with a white woman. Try to get to know the other person on an individual level. 


The only thing that's different for me is that if I accept a date, it's because I'm interested in getting to know that individual person. I've grown up around white people, and have gone out with enough white guys to know what they are like in general.

4 days, 17 hours ago on QOTW: Are There Any Subjects Off Limits On An Interracial Date?

Reply

Oh, my gosh! The chemical burns! That is scary.


I'm glad you have decided to make this decision for yourself. Best of luck in transitioning to natural hair, Rachel! I know you'll have natural hair that thrives just as well as your relaxed hair did. 

4 days, 19 hours ago on Reader Reaction: Latest Post Inspires Her to Give Up the ‘Creamy Crack’

Reply

@Sweet_Poetess @dani-BBW @zimekcyn @BellaVoce It's actually relatively rare that I find people like you in real life, of any race, these days. Many are going off some preconceived notions, and that can be frustrating sometimes. I don't really let that affect my personal livelihood, though.

5 days, 13 hours ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@JackieDee I meant "white men don't want black women because..."

6 days ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@JackieDee Yes!  


It actually scares me when these guys actually believe that "white men don't want women because..." There is little hope for them, because their disdain for black women is so deep-seated and ingrained, they project their beliefs onto others as though they are universal beliefs. 


These men are dangerous for black women--it's best to avoid them as much as possible.

6 days, 2 hours ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@zimekcyn Your coworker was a mess for that. Besides, comb twists are usually such a pretty hairstyle.

6 days, 22 hours ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@Allandise Rashire Yeah, I'm fine with the genuine black men.


Not the ones who pretend to be genuine but then try to make the thread all about them, which is more common than the genuine ones.


Some of them have entitlement complexes too. I notice that some come in to offer the "black male opinion," even though we didn't ask for it. They tend to think their insight is original, but it's really no different from the other 99,000 black male concern trolls that have come onto this site over the years. 


Just as annoying are the ignorant, fake white female trolls. Those ones seem to have even worse reading comprehension than the black male trolls. 

1 week ago on Yes; Black Men Get Hate For Dating Interracially, Too. But Here’s the Difference.

Reply

@zipporah Good point--it is like a black woman's awakening has been going on for the last 10 years.

1 week ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@WorldTravelingChic @Christelyn  @SweetGardenia It takes finding the right regimen for you.


I've found that dryness (as well as accumulation of shed hairs) leads to tangles, so I wet my hair and detangle in the shower every single day as a part of my regimen. Takes only 10-20 minutes, depending on whether or not I remembered to put my hair in a few twists/braids the night before.

1 week ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@lili2009 @darkandlovely "I grew up thinking that the relaxer was like medicine to cure my diseased hair."


I did also. I think my mom started relaxing my hair when I was five or six years old.

1 week ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@CassieM12345 @allie1231 "But ultimately,  I think *some* men feel like they are on the bottom of the social ladder and so are more interested in trying to "come up"--code for increasing their status or feeling of status.  


So whatever the majority men in power have, is what they want, regardless."


Interesting. So instead of uplifting their own, creating their own infrastructures and institutions, and celebrating their women counterparts, these men you refer to decide to copy-cat men of another race, thinking it will make them powerful?


I agree with you. This is loser male behavior.

1 week ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

"He told me that, while it was cute, unless a man is from the heart of Africa, he’s not really feeling the “nappy” look. “That ish don’t move!” he said.


I find it interesting that he thought it was okay to say this. And the assumptions implicit in his statement. He is totally projecting here.


I hate to burst his bubble, but some men actually do like and even prefer natural hair on black women. Even the first guy I dated (who is black), preferred my hair in its natural state. 

1 week ago on What Black Men Think of Natural Hair : “The Ish Don’t Move…”

Reply

@mim86 You two make such a cute couple!

1 week ago on Open Thread: White guys and why we dig them.

Reply

@Brenda55 @AllenRobersonJr One thing I appreciate is seeing the men come on here and stand up for us. It's such a relief. Go @PaoloP and @LatinGuy!

1 week ago on Yes; Black Men Get Hate For Dating Interracially, Too. But Here’s the Difference.

Reply

@The Working Home Keeper Now that's a dad who loves the heck out of his kids!!

1 week, 1 day ago on Open Thread: White guys and why we dig them.

Reply

@Darkhoney You two look marvelous!

1 week, 1 day ago on Open Thread: White guys and why we dig them.

Reply

@Smooth and Savage Tango @onmywayup The enthusiasm was more about the lady slapping you around. Lol!

1 week, 1 day ago on Open Thread: White guys and why we dig them.

Reply

@Sfbta You know you've been one of my favorite people here, but I understand that you need to do what fits with your principles. 


I wish you the best.



1 week, 1 day ago on Open Thread: White guys and why we dig them.

Reply