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@Keioni I wonder what this even means. I mean, sure I'd really, really, really like to be in love. But what does it mean to "deserve" to be in love, anyway?

16 minutes ago on #NWNW: Don’t Look for the New Man to Clean Up the Mess.

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@Tempaccount Aw, I love your comments. You are always so sincere and your comments so heartfelt.


Feel better, hon. 

27 minutes ago on #NWNW: Don’t Look for the New Man to Clean Up the Mess.

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@jazzyfae45 I thought I was the only one... :)

37 minutes ago on Man Candy Monday: Lustful Arabian Knights of Hot Indian Men

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"I’m a firm believer that we, Black women, and women in general will continue to receive poor social treatment as long as we sit on our gender and wait for others to do what we could do for ourselves. There is no shortage of Black women in technology, no shortage of young people with cell phones. There is no shortage of citizens minding each other’s business, so when are we going to decide to do something about the abuse we suffer?"

Yes!! 

42 minutes ago on Where Did 64,000 Black Women and Girls Go?

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@CityofBlueTile Well, that's just people stating their reality. It is what it is.


Of course, if you want to change the tide of the conversation, you can share your own positive experiences. In my case, there are many mixed marriages in my circle (family, friends, acquaintances), both "ethnic" and white. I know people married to Indian, Japanese, Filipino, and probably a few other ethnicities that I can't even remember right now. In most cases the families of the married couples were supportive.


You just gotta look for someone who is compatible with you. I tend not to put any hard and fast labels on people I date (not based on race or ethnicity anyway), and so do most people I know, so that's just the experience I've had. 

5 hours, 26 minutes ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First

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@chocolateadmiral @Swirlgirl28 I really appreciate your contributions here. Thanks for sticking around. :)

5 hours, 47 minutes ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First

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@SavageTango I love those "crazyass white dudes." 

18 hours, 9 minutes ago on Fabulous Date Ideas for Cool People

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Second dude--who is that??? (Drools.)

18 hours, 36 minutes ago on Man Candy Monday: Lustful Arabian Knights of Hot Indian Men

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Yesssss!!!! This is my favorite. Indian/South Asian men are sooo sexy! :D :D

18 hours, 38 minutes ago on Man Candy Monday: Lustful Arabian Knights of Hot Indian Men

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@_Toni_ @Lady Cheetah "That logic is used to get in women's drawers and the hope is that a woman is foolish enough to believe it. That way when their services are no longer required, the man can just up and move on to the next."

I agree with this. Some men say one thing, but their actions declare another quite clearly.

23 hours, 37 minutes ago on Intimacy Is Not Built Through Sex. Surprised?

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@SweetGardenia @Gijou "The juxtaposition of how scantily clad they are versus the guys being fully dressed in shirts, or tees, and jeans, or shorts is lost on them."

It's interesting that you noted this, because I've noticed the same thing...and it is a very telling juxtaposition.

23 hours, 42 minutes ago on Intimacy Is Not Built Through Sex. Surprised?

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What an awesome post, for me one of the most relevant I've read here. I wasn't taught about how to establish emotional intimacy in a relationship, but just expected to know how to "be" in a relationship (my parents met in college and married right afterward). And most of what I've seen are people jumping into sexual relationships without establishing an emotional connection first. I would like to thank you for giving a specific example and the website resource, because I'm really starting to get into dating, and I find myself overwhelmed. 

23 hours, 44 minutes ago on Intimacy Is Not Built Through Sex. Surprised?

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"Hmmm...I don't know. Why don't you Google that and let me know?"

23 hours, 50 minutes ago on QOTW: “Help! My White Friends Ask My Black Girlfriend Dumb Questions!”

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@Geekette221B Hair has a meaning? Gosh, here I was thinking it was dead fibers growing out of your scalp. #confused

23 hours, 53 minutes ago on QOTW: “Help! My White Friends Ask My Black Girlfriend Dumb Questions!”

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@Law Wanxi I almost want to move to LA...but then, my friends who live there tell me that while the looks are superior, the character is lacking. Is this true? 

5 days, 22 hours ago on Have You Seen This Hunk? Nick Bateman Blows Up Facebook.

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@Swirlgirl28 He doesn't really do it for me either. I mean, it's clear to me that he is good-looking, but I don't personally find him attractive by looking at him...

1 week ago on The Unfair ‘Options’ Media Message: What Do These Two Magazine Covers Tell You?

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Instead of that ad saying “It’s better to be a member,” it should say, “It’s better to have his member."


Loooolllll!

He is HOT though! Especially with the glasses. 

1 week ago on Have You Seen This Hunk? Nick Bateman Blows Up Facebook.

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@Freespirit888 @Demilinda4 Because both can happen at the same time, you know? ;)

1 week, 1 day ago on The Unfair ‘Options’ Media Message: What Do These Two Magazine Covers Tell You?

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@Lady Cheetah @GardenOfEden @Justme65 "The wife is to submit to her husband and the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves his church. Both require mutual submission."

Thanks for clarifying, @Lady Cheetah. The way you explained it is the way I've understood it, but you've articulated it more than I have ever been able to.

1 week, 2 days ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.

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I see a lot of guys around my age (mid to late 20s, early 30s) in the grocery store on Thursday and Friday evenings. Not  surprised about Fridays, but what it is about those Thursday evenings? Lol. 


I love it when guys come to the grocery store still wearing their work clothes. Yes!

1 week, 2 days ago on SavageTango tells all: Getting his attention

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That's interesting that she decided to go back to middle school. When I was in middle school I would have done anything not to be there! I guess she wants to experience a more "normal" life. It's easy to take things like that for granted.


She sounds like she will grow up to be a secure and successful young woman.  

1 week, 2 days ago on Willow Smith Snags the Cover of Teen Vogue

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"said my 3 kids were a problem"


Did he tell you why? I mean, aside from all the reasons I've already read in the comments, I'm wondering if he simply didn't feel like the relationship was going anywhere and he just used "the kids" as an excuse...

1 week, 2 days ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.

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@MimZ241 I actually agree with you regarding not waiting until the children are grown. 


Dating when you have kids is a whole different ball game, but there is nothing wrong with wanting a partner even when you do have children in the home.


The only thing I see as problematic are people who use their relationship to fill some sort of void. The ones who look for a father figure to "save" them and their children are likely doing this...but then, people without children can suffer from the "filling the void" problem as well. 


Someone who has their head on straight and happens to have kids will fare better than someone who has been in failed relationships and hasn't evaluated what caused the failure or come to peace with whatever transpired in the past relationship(s), kids or no kids.

So bottom line: know thyself, vet, and look out for you and your children along the process.

1 week, 2 days ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.

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@harem @International_Responder Hmmm...that might explain it. The same thing has happened to me several times as well.

1 week, 5 days ago on More Black Women Taking Up the Fight to Tackle Obesity

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@ElLagoJeff " I'm certain I'm not alone in feeling that way."

I know you aren't alone, either.  I'm sorry if I made it sound like you were unusual...

1 week, 5 days ago on Open Thread: Reader Questions Her Commitment to ‘Black Love’

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@Vivaforever "Non-AA women generally tend to see potential partners in terms of what they specifically have to offer as individual men, while many AA women consider much more loaded things like history, social dynamics, etc. and decide based on those things to stick to AA men even if they are unable to find a suitable AA male partner. If all women had such strong historical, social, economic consideration when it came to dating or marrying, virtually no one would ever marry IR because all groups have some horrible history and current issues with others."

I mean, along that line of logic, I wouldn't even marry a man. Because, you know, patriarchy. 


I've always felt awful for the women who have been taught to carry those burdens. I still see it regularly, and I wonder how happy you can truly be, subverting what could be your individual happiness for an agenda that might not even suit your best interests.

1 week, 5 days ago on Open Thread: Reader Questions Her Commitment to ‘Black Love’

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@ElLagoJeff "As a white man, though, I have to say that this is what I fear most BW privately feel when they're talking to me."

I appreciate you sharing this and being honest about the way you feel. I totally understand why you would feel this way. It does seem like there are a lot of black women who might be going out with white men when they'd really rather go out with a black man. (I don't think it's that simple in many cases, but that's another post.)


I'm going to venture to say, however, that you don't have to fear that this is what most black women are privately feeling.  When you're getting to know someone, it's pretty easy to see their perspective on certain values. People often tell on themselves without knowing it.

This issue included. Although I understand what the letter writer is struggling with, I don't share that point of view. I have talked to women who have this point of view... and they aren't necessarily shy about sharing it because it's their "normal." For some of these women, it doesn't occur to them that there are black women who *don't* feel that way or haven't been through that struggle, or that there are people who truly do not view their everyday life through a race-centered lens. So it just comes out.


But there are all types of women out there, so let's not forget the black women who a) have always preferred white men, b) like all kinds of men, or c) have preferred white/all men but have been told growing up that other men aren't attracted to them (so they are a little slow on discovering your interest but would love to go out with a compatible non-black guy).  I think there are enough of categories a, b, and c to balance out those who would really rather date black men.






1 week, 5 days ago on Open Thread: Reader Questions Her Commitment to ‘Black Love’

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@sparel @The Working Home Keeper @Karla Great point, sparel.

I was actually going to say that from one perspective, the letter writer views a cultural gulf between herself and white men due to skin color and history...but she can also look at it from another perspective. Both she and the hypothetical white man share an American culture. 

I don't know if the letter writer has done a lot of travel outside the US, but that will really tell you that the gulf isn't nearly as big as you think!



1 week, 5 days ago on Open Thread: Reader Questions Her Commitment to ‘Black Love’

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@Brenda55 "For me however the bigger point is this. The black community is fooling no one when it comes to the source of it's dysfunction. It is such common knowledge that this reporter could casually state it in a news report."

That's what scares me about this whole thing.......

1 week, 5 days ago on Unspeakable! New Jersey Reporter Fired for Telling the DAMN TRUTH!

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@bellechose  "(and we haven't even touched on the fact that MANY black girls who become young mothers were in fact raped by bm....many of whom their mothers allowed in the house...smh)"


Yes, I actually personally know several women whom this has happened to...I feel so angry and sad when I hear this.

1 week, 5 days ago on Unspeakable! New Jersey Reporter Fired for Telling the DAMN TRUTH!

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@ErikaBlaze You are an inspiration and I admire your dedication.

2 weeks, 1 day ago on More Black Women Taking Up the Fight to Tackle Obesity

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@sparel Before I started eating right...when I did my extended stays in Europe and Africa I tended to lose weight without even trying. I think it's the fact that it is less difficult to find REAL (as in non-processed) foods. As far as the actual macronutrient ratios, you gotta do what works for you. But last year I took a test on the Mercola website and it told me that I was a "protein type" (I think there is also a veggie type? I can't remember)....so what worked for me is a paleo-inspired (not fully though) diet because I don't need to eat much meat to feel satiated. I also get tons of veggies and some fruits and rice. 


If you look at Chris's body of work (not just this post) you will see that she's not saying that all carbs are the devil. She's more talking about the processed, refined stuff. Yeah, she eats Paleo because that works for her...but I'm sure she would advise people to look for whatever tends to work for them.

2 weeks, 1 day ago on More Black Women Taking Up the Fight to Tackle Obesity

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@Christelyn  @sparel Yessss mama!! :) I wanna look like you when I'm all grown up. 

2 weeks, 1 day ago on More Black Women Taking Up the Fight to Tackle Obesity

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I'm not against arranged marriages in the context of the cultures from which they come. Actually, I do know Indian-American immigrants who have a more modern take on the whole "arranged" marriage thing. Their parents do have a say in who they marry, but it's a bit more subtle. One acquaintance of mine kept meeting a guy at all the parties she went to and eventually ended up marrying him...so it was like she chose him, but really he was one of the approved guys that the parents were hoping she might marry, so they were "planting" him at all the family events. And even in cases where it is more obvious--well, something tells me that your parents, who have known you your entire life and have seen your skills, passions, personality traits, idiosyncracies, will just have a better idea of who you might work with than some compatibility test. 


Anyway, if you grow up knowing that your parents are going to have a lot of say in who you marry, it's not going to be such a shock to the system as it would be if you grew up in a culture where most of the decision lies on you. 


I think the show's a joke though.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Why “Marriage at First Sight” Is the Worst Thing to Happen to TV Since “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire”

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I use water to moisturize and coconut oil to seal. I also make sure that it gets wet every day. I used to be one of those long-term protective stylers (braids, twists, extensions, etc.) who didn't want to put moisture on the hair because it would ruin the style. So now my hair is thanking me for giving it the moisture it deserves, and for not overloading it with product.


I also condition and deep condition regularly since my hair tends to be dry. I deep condition or do a hot oil treatment every week, and conditioner is placed into and rinsed out of my hair two to three additional times every week.


Oh, yeah, and that coconut oil does wonders for my skin, too! 




2 weeks, 2 days ago on Two Non-Bandwagon Products I’m Using to Keep My Locks Moisturized this Summer

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@bellechose @Kels @Leille I have that book. It totally gets you started on the right path. 

1 month ago on Eve Becomes “Mrs. Maximillion Cooper”

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I recently discovered that baking soda really helps relieve my itchy mosquito bites. :)

1 month ago on Who Knew? Six International Folk Remedies for Common Ailments

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She is so adorable!


On the topic: I've always liked guys and I still do. I do tend to have a type, but it's more about build (I like the skinny/slim/lean guys) than race/ethnicity. 

1 month ago on The Evolution of a Swirler: One Guy Tells His Story

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Eve is like a modern Cinderella story. I'm so happy for her and wish her the best. 

1 month ago on Utter Hypocrisy: Let’s Talk About All the Dudes Hating On Eve’s Marriage

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@MeliaFavors "I literally LMAO at him implying that because of her past, Eve couldn’t be with a black KANG like him and had  nowhere else to go but to a white MILLIONAIRE."

Lmao!! Oh, gosh! 


This is just too funny. Couldn't make it up if I tried.

1 month ago on Utter Hypocrisy: Let’s Talk About All the Dudes Hating On Eve’s Marriage

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