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@Geekette221B Off-topic, but how do you do the accent mark (like you did with Daniele's name)?

2 days, 19 hours ago on Update on Danielle Watts: BB&W Exclusive Interview with Boyfriend, Brian

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Everybody talking about the Cinderella movie with Brandy in it. Here's the full one:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwU8J_d2gqQ


It came out when I was a child and I absolutely LOVED it. 


I'm also loving that Keke Palmer just seems to embrace versatility in terms of her acting roles. 

3 days, 3 hours ago on First Photos of Keke Palmer Playing Cinderella on Broadway!

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@Marysayz I get your point...but is the vitriol necessary? I don't even know if your language is within the bounds of the terms of service. 

3 days, 13 hours ago on Celebrity Interracial Couple, Daniele Watts and Partner Detained by L.A. Police Who Mistook Her for Hoe and Her “John”

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@Arabella12 @tonyrog "Women believe that being equal to men means they are the same as men."

YEP. I thought I was the only one who noticed this.

3 days, 14 hours ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.

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@Harold13 @dani-BBW You should give yourself credit. :)  I'm sure that you've improved more than you realize.


Oh, by the way--I found this article and I thought of you. 


http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/08/01/social-skydiving-the-art-of-talking-to-strangers/


4 days, 16 hours ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@SacLove76 I suspect that a lot of sociopaths and psychopaths enter this profession for the power. No accountability for them, so they can run wild. It spells danger for the rest of us.

4 days, 20 hours ago on Celebrity Interracial Couple, Daniele Watts and Partner Detained by L.A. Police Who Mistook Her for Hoe and Her “John”

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@LorMarie Right, this whole thing makes so little sense that I'm just waiting to hear what the couple has to say. 

4 days, 20 hours ago on Celebrity Interracial Couple, Daniele Watts and Partner Detained by L.A. Police Who Mistook Her for Hoe and Her “John”

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@Arabella12 @Christelyn  @LanieceMilan I think the point Christelyn was trying to make is that black women are used more often for sex by black men than by white men (since more black women are having sex with black men than white men).


Many black women don't attach such a stigma to black men who evidently see black women as good only for sex...and you could even argue that they don't vet black men half so well since they're not busy thinking of whether or not they are a sexual fetish to the man in question.


The dynamics are slightly different...but the outcome is the same: a black woman is being used for sex. So the whole "white men with a sexual fetish" or "bucket lister who just wants to try out chocolate" boogeyman is kind of a moot point. 


If you know how to evaluate a man's intentions, then you're more likely to avoid being the victim of either scenario.





4 days, 20 hours ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.

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@Christina_lott99 Happy to hear from you. I hope the advice didn't hit you too hard and that you give yourself the time you need to adjust and heal.

4 days, 20 hours ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.

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@Arabella12 @SacLove76 Wait...did I miss something? Did she say that she was "average to plain"?

4 days, 21 hours ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.

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Part II: He doesn't take me seriously because I'm black--


Okay, I'm sure this does happen and I won't invalidate the experiences of those who have gone through this. I, however, have never really had this problem. Who really even knows why I haven't? Maybe I'm not the type that bucket listers target; maybe it's where I live, or where I socialize, etc. It could be a variety of factors that make the experience.


In this case, however, there is no way to be sure because of the situation. It would honestly just be projection at this point. A scenario where race might have been the issue was if you had met online or in person and didn't frontload your conversations with sex talk.  Yet he still only wanted to see you in private only during certain nighttime hours, and refused to introduce you to friends and family, but took out a white girl in public or to meet his relatives...okay, you might actually have a case there.


But I'm not going to lie...I understand why you made that projection. And it saddens me.

5 days, 5 hours ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.

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It sounds like there are two different issues going on with the letter writer here. I'll cover each issue in a separate comment.


1. From One Night Stand/Jump-off/Friends-with-benefits to Committed Relationship


That really only happens in movies like the one with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJS-wWqVAyk

...or Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ubfcfs98MBw


...or Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7GwjDTvO4c

Uh-oh, I'm beginning to get a sense of where people might be getting the wrong idea about relationships.


Annnnnyway, in general, (from my experience), the way you begin things is normally the way you end them. You usually can't turn a casual type of relationship into something more. And the two of you met on an adult website, so...that's kind of what it is.

You do sound a bit like you regret not meeting up with him again. I think maybe you knew deep down that it wasn't going to be what you wanted it to be, so you avoided falling further into the trap by meeting with him again. The unfortunate thing is that, on a surface level, you obviously wanted to be with him, so you hung on to the possibility through all those texts.

"The purpose of our texts were for sex, but part of me felt that he may have been open to more.. which is my reasoning for having held on, stringing him along, hoping that his want for me would become stronger."

I just want to reiterate that this does NOT usually happen with men, except in Hollywood movies. In your case, definitely not since you met on a website specifically for the purpose of hooking up.


5 days, 5 hours ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.

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@LanieceMilan In your situation, maybe. However, in this case, since she found him on a hook-up site...


The way you begin things is the way you end them.

5 days, 20 hours ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.

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@DarnellThomas



After reading your post...I just wanted to note something interesting.


I've seen a lot of black men speaking from the paradigm that blacks should stick together and unify, and that blacks who don't stick to this paradigm are traitors to the black race. 


I also notice from this same trend from white feminists--that "all women" should stick together and unify, and that women who don't stick to this paradigm are traitors to the sisterhood.


Now some black women get a similar message from both sides, noting with amusement, bafflement, and/or frustration that sometimes people in the both of the aforementioned groups don't realize that in a black woman's life, both racism and sexism are factors, so sole allegiance to either "cause" doesn't really cover everything that black women face.



1 week ago on Black Militants Call ESPN Journalist, Jemele Hill “Race Traitor”; “Bed Wench” for Calling Out Ray Rice Disparity

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@terrametoome " I see them as being a burnt greasy hamburger patty that's been rolled in bugars and dropped on a roach infested floor, with a rude clerk demanding $8.99 for that. I rather stay organic, thank you very much!"

Oh, the imagery!! Hahaha.


And the butt crack thing?  Omg, are you serious? What a mess.

1 week ago on QOTW: “Am I Wrong to EXPLICITLY Exclude Black Men from My Dating Pool?”

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Side note: this is proof that you (Christelyn) don't think that "all black men are bad," like the naysayers like to put out there.


Anyway...my answer to the question is date whoever the heck you want. It really is that simple. 



1 week ago on QOTW: “Am I Wrong to EXPLICITLY Exclude Black Men from My Dating Pool?”

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@jazzyfae45 Wow. Take care of yourself. Maybe remove the link to your Google account in your livefire profile temporarily. 


I hope you just blocked and didn't bother to reply. That he went that far shows that he is probably unstable and has no sense of personal boundaries. 

1 week ago on Black Militants Call ESPN Journalist, Jemele Hill “Race Traitor”; “Bed Wench” for Calling Out Ray Rice Disparity

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@caligirl94117 @onmywayup Never thought of it this way.

1 week ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@SuaveNorwood @BeautyIAM Being of equal value does not mean we are equal in every single way.


Men and women are, on average, different sizes. We have different anatomies. One gender births babies and the other doesn't. Let's not play dumb and act like just because men and women are of equal value means they are the SAME in every way. 

1 week ago on Black Militants Call ESPN Journalist, Jemele Hill “Race Traitor”; “Bed Wench” for Calling Out Ray Rice Disparity

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@Brenda55 @caligirl94117 @SuaveNorwood @kiki jones In high school, I was the "wallflower" who couldn't even get the nerdy dudes...actually I had better luck with the more popular guys (seriously!). Go figure.

1 week ago on Black Militants Call ESPN Journalist, Jemele Hill “Race Traitor”; “Bed Wench” for Calling Out Ray Rice Disparity

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@ChristieRJohnson Sorry. I wasn't making a statement about the older women + younger men combo.


I was replying @docwatson223's comment:


"One observation that I don't see here are negative comments about cougars and sabretooths; it seems to be socially acceptable for a woman to do it because she's being sexy versus a man doing because he's judged as just being a 'creepy old man'."


I am just pointing out that so-called cougars receive backlash just as so-called creepy old men who pursue young women do.



1 week ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@thecrazyartist @SirLoinDeBeef @lindsaynagle "she must just be a really young looking 30, she has no bubbliness and standards are just too high for her to be a teen or even early 20's".



****


lol. That's crazy. 

1 week ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@PamelaFoster @FriendsofJay @ole'skool I know. I have to admit to being relieved at Jay's reply because I felt a bit in the twilight zone with some of the stuff I've read.

1 week ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@SirLoinDeBeef @onmywayup @lindsaynagle @dani-BBW I don't know nothing about that, Sir. Since I don't date women, I don't know if the whole cougar thing is creepy or not...at least not from my personal experience.



1 week ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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I'm 24, and I think the highest I would go is 9-10 years older...but really I would prefer someone who is around 3-5 years older. 


I'm not down with dating 50-something-year-olds. I think a lot about things like having kids...older sperm means higher chances of birth defects and illnesses like schizophrenia, plus I want a father who can still run around and chase after the kids. :) And then there's the idea of being able to spend the entirety of your life with someone. I mean, women tend to live longer than men as it is. I know that having a husband who is 20-30 years older than me means so much less time (in years) that I get to spend with him.


Oh, and creepy, weird old men like the ones @lindsaynagle and @dani-BBW, among others, discussed in that other post are a no-go, and not just because they're old. But because they're creepy and have no boundaries.



1 week, 1 day ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@docwatson223 Many people don't take cougars seriously...

1 week, 1 day ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@TriceePeacee "During the 60s and 70s, in black liberation movements and organizations, black men were voicing their issues with black women then. Telling black women what they need to be doing and how much they were messing up. Reading the literature from women of that time, it was like black women couldn't get right. And don't tell anybody your man is beating your ass or that you have a problem with how certain things are going down."

The more things change.......

1 week, 1 day ago on Black Militants Call ESPN Journalist, Jemele Hill “Race Traitor”; “Bed Wench” for Calling Out Ray Rice Disparity

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@MySmile @RhondaSpeights @caligirl94117 @BreannaNouveaux I've also had men who were attracted to Asian women be attracted to me. Some of them liked women of color in general, some of them liked all women, and I have heard of a couple who like black and Asian women specifically. 


Random question...but have you ever performed with one of the guys you dated? I've always had this "thing" about couples who perform music together.

1 week, 1 day ago on And We Wonder Why More Non-Black Men Don’t Approach Us?

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@Harold13 @onmywayup @GoldenPrecious Thank you! And maybe someday I will teach...it's occurred to me before. :)

1 week, 1 day ago on And We Wonder Why More Non-Black Men Don’t Approach Us?

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@Harold13 @onmywayup Lol, you probably didn't remember because I had just posted the response before I replied to this post. I just alerted you here since this is a more recent thread.

1 week, 1 day ago on Open Forum: Okay; We Know White Men Married to Black Women are 44% Less Likely to Divorce. But Why?

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"Also, The Male Ego is a funny thing.  We know there’s sexy older men out there cuz we hear ya talkin about it."


"When faced with this decision, the Male Ego is likely gonna give itself the benefit of the doubt and make the assumption that he falls under the Sexy Older Men category rather than the dirty old man category. Ya know, cuz he thinks he’s the exception to the norm and all that.  It’s all those other guys out there who are the dirty old man, not him."


Mr. Tango, you know I don't understand this at all. Please tell me people are not that delusional...



1 week, 1 day ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@harem @Cindyhaha She could get a younger German man...lol :)

1 week, 1 day ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?

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@Cindyhaha Okay, well then I'm sorry for saying that I don't think you're a black woman.


But you do sound like you need a perspective change.  As a man thinketh, so is he...and all that good stuff.


I'm sorry you're not having good experiences with your search, but it's true--women and men around the world would pay good dollar just to find creative ways to find a partner. I've heard of Chinese men going to Africa to find wives (with their women shortage in China and all). 


Maybe you would have better luck going to European special interest events or just going to Europe in general, though. 


Don't be afraid to get creative. Anything worth having normally requires you to go beyond your comfort zone.

1 week, 1 day ago on If You’re Single….Get a Dog!

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@GoldenPrecious Omg...GoldenPrecious. I don't know how you deal with some of these characters you encounter. You must be a very kind person, because I likely would have laughed in some of these people's faces.


Also, maybe the reason your friend has trouble speaking correct English is because he doesn't practice enough. If he adopted the policy of speaking properly all the time (as opposed to just with your "district manager"), he would soon find that it's a lot easier. Kind of like learning a new language...it's not like he would expect to be able to speak Spanish (or French, or Greek, or Swahili, or whatever) fluently if he only practiced ten minutes a day, right? Lol.

1 week, 1 day ago on How Blackistanis Police Their Own: Girl Gets a Beat Down for “Acting White” (And Being Too Light)

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@Harold13 Hey there, I gave you some advice in the "No wonder non-black men don't approach us" post. You asked a question about how to approach women and ask them out, and I thought that since you reached out, you deserved an answer.

1 week, 1 day ago on Open Forum: Okay; We Know White Men Married to Black Women are 44% Less Likely to Divorce. But Why?

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@Harold13 @GoldenPrecious It depends on the situation. Assuming you've spoken to her several times before, sure you can mention that you are interested. I wouldn't recommend doing that with someone you just met, though.


Also, is this in an online situation? In person?


Online, I might start off a message with, "Hi, how are you?" and then make a brief note about her profile. Something like, "I like x music too," or "Your favorite food is Italian? Have you ever been to (name of local restaurant)?" or "It's great that you're into traveling--what's the next destination you have in mind?"


In person: if you have seen her around and you've spoken to her several times before...let's say that you have found out from conversations that she wants to watch a particular movie that you're interested in seeing. You'd say something like, "Oh, by the way, I was thinking of seeing x movie this Saturday...would you like to accompany me?" 


If you have just met the girl, don't ask her out. Make small talk with her first. Make an observation about the surroundings. If a conversation goes well, you'd ask her if she would be interested in keeping in touch (i.e. a phone number :D).


In a coffee shop? "I see you ordered the pumpkin cappuccino. I've never tried that before. Is it good?"  or tell her that you're having a tough time deciding what to order and ask if she has any ideas as to what's good.


Here are a couple of tricks that I use as someone who isn't naturally outgoing (but sure does seem like it in public):


1. Google things to talk about with people, or read about certain conversation topics in books for ideas.


2. I rehearse talking to people. Over and over and over again. My work calls for me to speak to people often, and I am not naturally outgoing. However, if I practice and fully visualize myself in a scenario, it really leads to a lot less awkwardness when I finally do talk to people. 

Note that when I do talk to people, I'm not trying to remember what I rehearsed. I'm fully in the moment. However, because I've practiced so many times, it is more second nature to me now.


3. I mentioned that I visualize myself in a scenario. I mean it. Visualization is powerful. I've read that if you fully immerse yourself in a visualization then it can have the same effectiveness as practicing something seven times. You're probably used to thinking you're going to lose your head or not know what to say, so maybe take a few moments every day to visualize yourself being more fluent in social situations.


4. What you say only somewhat matters when you're face to face with someone. Or even when you're on the phone. If you're talking on the phone, pay attention to your tonality. If you're in person, it's all about the nonverbal communication. Practice staying focused on what the other person is saying, instead of letting it wander to whatever you have going on in your head at the moment. If you find your mind wandering, then wiggle your toes or do something subtle that gets you out of your head. Another thing that is important is posture. Stand straight and project confidence. Slump and project that you're not that memorable or confident. Make sure you practice appropriate eye contact.


5. The Art of Charm podcast. Christelyn has worked with the person who created it and it has some really great topics for men who want to be successful in all areas of life (including relationships). You might be able to find something on there that is useful for you, to learn how to approach and talk to women, etc.


6. Remember this when you're feeling self-conscious--the other person is often not focused on you and how awkward you are when you are speaking. In fact, they may themselves feel a bit nervous and self-conscious! It's okay to feel nervous, and in fact, when you ask a girl out, you may feel your heart threaten to jump out your chest and your voice may shake. But that's perfectly fine, normal, and okay. Many women will appreciate that you even made the effort. (And some won't...but if you were respectful about your approach, don't blame yourself for that. That's not your issue. It's theirs. Some women aren't used to being approached, or they might be taken or something.)


These are just some tips from someone who has gone from having social anxiety to doing public speaking gigs. It's a lot of prep work, but it's also led me to meeting and interacting with so many interesting people! 


Good luck and I hope you find a lovely girlfriend soon.




1 week, 1 day ago on And We Wonder Why More Non-Black Men Don’t Approach Us?

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I can only speculate, but I think that education and socioeconomics has something to do with it. I think it was this same study that mentioned that white women who married out tend to be less educated than those who married within the race, and compared to whites marrying whites, marriages with white women and other race men tend to have a higher failure rate. The same trend doesn't really apply to white men as much.


We also know by now that more educated folks tend to have lower divorce rates. I think for college educated couples it's about half the 50% average statistic that is usually passed around. 


I don't know if the study mentioned the education levels of black women and white men who marry one another, but I suspect that in many cases, both parties tend to have their educational and financial isht together. 



1 week, 1 day ago on Open Forum: Okay; We Know White Men Married to Black Women are 44% Less Likely to Divorce. But Why?

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@GoldenPrecious Doesn't sound like your "friend" has much emotional intelligence.

1 week, 1 day ago on How Blackistanis Police Their Own: Girl Gets a Beat Down for “Acting White” (And Being Too Light)

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