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Agreed. There is nothing new under the sun.
A lot of people doing this are fairly young, and they may regret it later. I know I've regretted certain things I've put on social media when I was a high school/college student (not raunchy pictures, but my point still stands). I think it's a good idea to be future-oriented when putting up these things, because these pictures online don't ever die.
1 day, 20 hours ago on What Pictures Say About You That You Might Not Like…
@Cami2210 @Sfbta "Besides, there are websites where ex-boyfriends can post pictures that were given privately"Brings to mind a few situations in which I saw men posting pics of their ex-girlfriends on websites and forums.
@BeauWinters @thecrazyartist Great post, @BeauWinters. I concur as someone who has also struggled with social anxiety and being sheltered.
1 day, 20 hours ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.
@BeauWinters "What is with some geeky guys and thinking that women are always out to 'get them' or use them for something, usually money?"Not enough genuine interaction with women.
3 days, 22 hours ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.
@Thatguy90 @kennaGransberg Then he should take her on a free date--like going to a park or something. Not go dutch.
@thecrazyartist @Lady Humor Yep, I know real gold diggers and sugababies...they're not looking for Average Joe. They want the rich men and know exactly where to find them.
@dani-BBW I'm also sorry to hear about your relative, Dani.
3 days, 22 hours ago on Leona’s Love Quest OK, Cupid Tap Me Out: I’m Done with Online Dating
@ShunJack I'd totally watch that movie. :)
4 days, 19 hours ago on As Much as I Love Christian Bale, I WON’T Be Watching “Exodus: Gods and Kings.”
@jpopforever28 @ScorpioEnigma09 @reesiepessie1 Girl, I love brown dudes! :)
Actually, I like all dudes, as long as they're in shape and attractive...
4 days, 21 hours ago on Asian Men…I’m Getting To a Certain Point Where I’m Ready to Throw it In.
@LalaBlossoms Agreed. I don't really get the vitriol. Maybe don't set your sights on marrying an Asian man, but still, look at people as individuals and not cultures. Not every Asian man comes from a strict traditionalist background.
Many of my female friends/relatives (black and white) are either in serious relationships with or married to Asian men. That's just the way it worked out...none of them were specifically seeking out Asian men or anything.
Congrats to the two of them! Wish them the best in marriage! :D
4 days, 21 hours ago on Christine and Masa – East Meets West
@AllenR Interesting thing to note about all that is that there are guys who place women on pedestals, and think that (pretty) women know that they are beautiful and use it to their advantage.
But it's not true. Women have tons of insecurities, too. Many of us at least have one aspect of our body to complain about. Many of us also think that men have the same kind of power that men think women have over them (...if that makes sense. lol.). I have known some very beautiful women who have dated some very eligible (sometimes wealthy, sometimes famous) men. They are insecure about themselves just as us normal folk are. :)
4 days, 21 hours ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.
About this dating situation: for me it's not about what's "right" or "wrong," but about whether or not something works. If my dating philosophy isn't helping me reach my goals, I need to change something.
Here are your options:
a. Change your situation--if your financial situation were better, your perception might change. But then again, maybe not, if it's a fundamental belief about how women operate.
b. Change your beliefs--reframe from the idea that women are looking for a meal ticket to the fact that women may be vetting for things like generosity, ability to provide (if a woman earns less or decides to stay home down the road, maternity leave, etc.), willingness to invest and take initiative (most people tend to value the "take initiative" quality in men, anyway). Keep in mind that women often make investments in the relationship world as well, especially as time goes on and you get further into a relationship.
c. Change your target market--don't date traditional women who believe that men should be the providers. They will operate from a different mindframe than the women in choice b)
d. Change your goals--maybe you don't want to date right now, and that's okay.
4 days, 22 hours ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.
@kennaGransberg paying for your half of the meal/date.
All right, a few things:
#1: I'm tired of introverts using "introversion" as an excuse not to put in efforts in terms of socializing and relationships. And I am an extreme introvert--every test I take puts me at the very end of that scale. Being introverted does not mean you have to be anti-social--stop giving us a bad name with that stuff!! :/
There are many things that introverts are noted to be better than extroverts in. Yes...even in terms of socialization and forming relationships. Please do the research and play to your strengths. The bar scene might not be for you, but you may very well thrive in areas where you share common interests, because there you might have something to bond over. (Instead of say, having to come up with small talk from thin air.)
#2: It's okay at your age not to want to date a woman with children.
@NYMan I think that's more surprising to me than anything else. For some reason, I thought this was already common knowledge.
2 weeks, 5 days ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…
@GoldenPrecious "I've had the Black male school teacher that had a fetish for the young students and would spank them privately in the restroom for as long as he wanted"
I'm sorry...what???? Omg.
@trinigirl1 I'm afraid to even wax my eyebrows. As soon as I was old enough to have my say, I stopped going to the hair salon to have my hair braided because that crap hurt. No way am I putting bleaching cream on myself...even if I did think it would make me look prettier.
2 weeks, 5 days ago on Are African Women More Desperate to Look White Than Black American Women?!
@Fae Quince " And before he became rich and famous with ready access to white women, did he perfect his rape technique on black women a la Eldridge Cleaver?"Oh, no.... :(
2 weeks, 6 days ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…
"Dressed for the bar"
You mean, like the Bar you take after law school? Because their clothes are too conservative for any other bar.
2 weeks, 6 days ago on Resignation of GOP Staffer Proves What Happens When Black Womanhood is Protected
They say if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
So I'm just going to refrain from speaking my mind about this woman.
Oh, yeah, and while I understand that it seems surprising that black folks in Africa seem to dislike "blackness"...keep in mind that most countries in the mother continent were colonized until fairly recently (some maybe only 20-40 years ago), so even black people in America have had more time to wake up from this nonsense.
2 weeks, 6 days ago on Are African Women More Desperate to Look White Than Black American Women?!
She looked 10,000x better when she was dark-skinned in my opinion.
I'm actually glad that my parents never talked negatively about dark skin when my siblings and I were growing up. I didn't even find out until I was older that my mother used to be colorist when she was growing up. She's fairer-skinned than most of her siblings, and used to make fun of her darker-skinned siblings for having darker skin. She must have gotten over that, because I had no idea growing up. I didn't even get any weird vibes from her...you know how you can tell that some people are uncomfortable with some aspect of themselves or other people, but just don't mention it? Anyway, skin lightening is pretty normalized in many places in Africa. I remember visiting my relatives in Nigeria last year. The funny thing to me was that she had all these products for natural hair (she was transitioning out of a relaxer), alongside all her lightening soaps and creams. I was so afraid that I would accidentally use one of her products.Unfortunately, she's not the only cousin who doesn't like having dark skin. I seriously feel like I'm on another planet when relating to those cousins on that subject.
I really think that my parents forgot to pass that particular prejudice down, and I'm so glad they did.
@realblueblood He is a troll and this is his second account.
3 weeks, 4 days ago on Propaganda Ramping Up On Black Women Dating and Marrying Interracially
@Dmandaman2 Well, my anecdotal experience is different. Now what?
The plural of anecdote isn't data and @Aquagirl1's data contradicted your anecdotes, so I'm just going to assume that you are just allowing your confirmation bias to come into play here.
@oromariposa06 @chocolate_fashionista @Cami2210
Interestingly enough, I understand where you are all coming from.
Race is socially constructed and varies depending on what society you are born into and navigate. Thus, as an African raised in America, I wouldn't be so arrogant as to tell black Americans (of "full" or mixed African ancestry) what to call themselves while they are in an American context. The truth is that most people in this country consider biracial people who are mixed with black and white to be black. Being black in this country is obviously not just about phenotype, but about upbringing and culture. So it would be idiotic of me to tell Americans that they aren't "black" because they have a smaller percentage of African ancestry than I do.
On the other hand, if a black American lived in an African country and expected to be called black when he or she didn't look fully African, that wouldn't work. I think it's kind of like how Rihanna (the singer) accepts being called black in the United States, but in her home country she isn't considered black (if I recall correctly). Same with Zoe Saldana--she told people in the Dominican Republic that she considers herself a black woman, but faced resistance on that. Point is that when in Rome, do as the Romans.
But I understand what @chocolate_fashionista is saying. Rejecting the One Drop Rule...it's not about running away from blackness, but about protecting it. The one-drop rule restricted those who could be considered white to protect whiteness and maintain its position on a hierarchy. The relegation of those with any hint of African history to "blackness" was meant to designate blackness as inferior. It's like the idea of exclusivity as superiority. Many other cultures actually practice this as well, and thus mixed people are considered mixed in those cultures to preserve the sanctity of the "original." It sounds mercenary, but it has its practical implications as well. For example, in the US, often "obviously" biracial women are cast as black women in television and films, which means that black women with higher visible amounts of African ancestry are made invisible. At any rate, my personal opinion is that the actual methods of marginalization are less important than the actual marginalization and the mindset behind it. In certain cultures, blackness was still thought of as inferior, so the methods included "diluting" and breeding out the black race. This is where one-drop whiteness comes in handy--if it's easy to become white, then accomplishing this means becomes much easier. In other cultures, there people of mixed race are given their own category, BUT this has historically been used against black people as well. The mixed race individuals were considered to be "in between," better than blacks but inferior to whites. Mixed race individuals who were interested in maintaining their place in the hierarchy would avoid association with black people, and actually often actively participate in the oppression of black people.
Any concept can be used for the good or bad, which is why I don't hem and haw about how people choose to label themselves. On a day to day basis I'm sure none of us are thinking about how we label ourselves anyway. We're just thinking of navigating the world as our individual selves.
Anyway, in our slowly changing times (more mixed people in the US are identifying as such), I can see it going either way in this day and age. However, my guess is that in our next generation, more mixed children will likely self-identify as biracial though. It isn't because they are more "mixed" than the average black American person. It's just a sign and acknowledgement of a changing context.
3 weeks, 4 days ago on Is Gabriel Aubrey Trying to ‘White Wash’ Nahla?
@Cami2210 @chocolate_fashionista @oromariposa06 " I think it's interesting that they see us as being culturally white when blacks in America are responsible for so much of this nation's culture despite being kept out of so many of it's institutions for so much of the past."It's more about being seen as culturally Western than "white," but being a Westerner is often associated with whiteness.
@Daisy_inthe_Field "I overstated my value at 11:24am today when I asked my line manager for an extra 32% of my monthly pay this December, just cause I want it and I deserve it in my own estimation. I did not internalise 'opinions' from co-workers who dislike me. Good things happen when you think highly of yourself dear Black Women."Slightly off-topic statement here, but yeah. I am all about self-advocacy. Because no one else will do it for you, especially if YOU don't do it for you, first.
Those who truly value themselves will endeavor to grow continuously and bring more to the table anyway, so it's not like we're encouraging narcissism or "something for nothing" here.
3 weeks, 5 days ago on Propaganda Ramping Up On Black Women Dating and Marrying Interracially
@Atlantic_Equity @onmywayup @stephanie88 @jazzyfae45 @ToriSpeaks007 @Selmix @BeautyIAM
"I wouldn't say Black women grade me on a harsher curve. There just seems to be an overall reluctance for some Black women to get involved with a White man for the first time."Ah, okay. Thanks for clarifying.
@caligirl94117 @BeautyIAM @cjdimplez Ah, okay, I found the interview I was talking about. I think this was back when Christelyn did her personals feature. Link inside of breakdown and analysis of the data Kanazawa used to "prove" that black women were less attractive.
@Atlantic_Equity @stephanie88 @jazzyfae45 @ToriSpeaks007 @Selmix @BeautyIAM "But, he is not wrong entirely. Not a week goes by on a dating site where you don't run into a woman who desires to be a "spoiled princess" or wants to enjoy the fruit of someone else's labor."But you guys seem to be talking about two different things. It sounds like you're referring to a gender-based experience, where you, as a heterosexual man, encounter women who want stuff "just because," and who are a mismatch for the kind of men they are looking for (whether lack of credentials, excess baggage, or whatever the reason is).
It's only "racial" for you because:
a. of who you date. If you dated white and Asian women, you'd likely experience the same thing.
(Heterosexual women also experience this with men, but because you are not a heterosexual woman or a homosexual man, what other men do in this regard is irrelevant.)
b. there are some black women who choose to grade you on a harsher curve because you are white.
This is waaaaay different from the thesis of that guy's post, which is basically that white men are in demand and are of higher value than black women, and thus, black women are willing to settle for "mediocre" white men and are less likely to leave them. The whole tenor of the post was that "everyone," including black women, is desperate for white men.
Wouldn't that contradict some of the posts you've made re: point b. above?
@jjelsewear That's actually why my mother ended up relaxing my hair when I was four years old. I was very tender-headed, and her natural hair know-how was (and still is) nonexistent. It made for (slightly) less painful braiding sessions, so I don't blame her for what she did.
This is different from "nappy hair sucks so I'm going to relax my little girl's hair," though.I agree with you in your question--what does Nahla want? She's old enough to have a reasonable opinion about it.
3 weeks, 5 days ago on Is Gabriel Aubrey Trying to ‘White Wash’ Nahla?
@LadyHumor @Daisy_inthe_Field "The type of man that thinks a certain woman thinks ‘too highly’ of herself isn’t the type of man that woman would want around her."I agree completely. Why not just say that you and the other person are incompatible, rather than making value judgments on the person?I find it very disturbing when someone finds it natural to put someone else in their place like that. I won't lie, I am not blameless in this matter, but I am actively trying to decrease it because for me, it stems from the narcissism/low self-worth continuum.
@caligirl94117 @onmywayup @BeautyIAM @cjdimplez Kanazawa had actually drawn his "conclusions" from another study, which he had (purposefully) misinterpreted. I believe Christelyn actually had interviewed another psychologist who had debunked this claim by who analysing the data from the study that Kanazawa was using, and came to the conclusion I mentioned above.
The OkCupid study was another study entirely.
@BeautyIAM @cjdimplez Lol that he used Kanazawa's study. When the data from the study that hack was summarizing was looked at correctly, it was found that there was really no difference in attractiveness among women.
3 weeks, 6 days ago on Propaganda Ramping Up On Black Women Dating and Marrying Interracially
@PaoloP @itsgoodtobeme What does "soft" mean? Man, I underestimate how expert some people are at making no sense whatsoever.
I agree with you, @PaoloP--sounds like SERIOUS sour grapes.
@Atlantic_Equity @Selmix @BeautyIAM Honestly, I don't need any dude to worship the ground I walk on. Not even the ones I date in real life. I know they like me, enjoy my company, and find me attractive, and if for whatever reason, we're not compatible, then we end our relationship and that's that.
But if someone thinks I'm low value because of my race? Wtf? Those people have effed up value systems and I don't even want them within 5,000 miles of my mental space.
I don't even need to know them. I'd rather die single than deal with someone who has that consciousness. And that is not too much for any sane woman to ask.
@Keioni @Selmix @BeautyIAM @Atlantic_Equity agreed. This is f***ing ridiculous.
Screw that dude.
@Cheree From the movie Friday:
1 month ago on “Bye Felicia,” a Modern-Day Mammy Show Coming Soon on VH1
Great article, Matthew! Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
1 month ago on Matthew’s Weight Loss Journey: “I Was Living a Lie…”
This natural look is amazing.
1 month ago on Creamy, Smooth, Holiday-Photo-Ready Skin and Make Up!
I loved your takeaways in this post, Leona.
1 month ago on Leona’s Love Quest: Taking the Fear out of Relationship Failures
@MissyMorose Awesome. I wish you and your friend the best of luck. :)
@SavageTango " Red hair just has this "yuck factor" to it that the world really doesn't need, ya know?"What? No. I love the redheads.
Aside from blondes and Indian men, they are my favorites. :)
1 month ago on AAWG: The Savage Plan for the Swirling Man
@dreamingmydreams I used to be bullied by these girls all the time, just for (seemingly) not wearing the right clothes.
So when the girl in the video talked crap about his jacket being from the 90s, I was like, "Oh, here we go again..."
1 month ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?
@kennaGransberg @Harold13 That was awful.
@BreannaNouveaux Don't worry, I get what you're saying after reading the entire comment thread. You are a different type of human being, Breanna. :)
@Allie8_79 You see, at least your brother is honest. I wish more BM were honest about this agenda so that more BW realize that they are being played.
1 month ago on Black Female-Centered Media is Coming Around to Our Side, but is It Only Because the NY Post Said it Was Okay?