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@dani-BBW @SavageTango That sounds like some freaky stuff. 

22 hours, 37 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall

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@RhondaSpeights I know what you mean. I live in Michigan. Never ever do I want a winter like winter 2013/14 again...

22 hours, 53 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall

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@FriendsofJay Yuck. I sympathize. I hate family reunions...

23 hours, 3 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall

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For those of you talking about the lovely color red (one of my favorite colors to wear, by the way), here's what Wikipedia has to say about the psychology behind it:


"The color that attracts attention

Red is the color that most attracts attention. Surveys show it is the color most frequently associated with visibility, proximity, and extroverts. It is also the color most associated with dynamism and activity.[106]

Red is used in modern fashion much as it was used in Medieval painting; to attract the eyes of the viewer to the person who is supposed to be the center of attention. People wearing red seem to be closer than those dressed in other colors, even if they are actually the same distance away.[106] Monarchs, wives of Presidential candidates and other celebrities often wear red to be visible from a distance in a crowd. It is also commonly worn by lifeguards and others whose job requires them to be easily found.

Because red attracts attention, it is frequently used in advertising"

"Seduction, sexuality and sin

Red by a large margin is the color most commonly associated with seduction, sexuality, eroticism and immorality, possibly because of its close connection with passion and with danger.[108]"

If you read the entire article, you'll see that the color red has many connotations--some positive, some negative...but one thing is for sure. It is definitely not a neutral color!

2 days, 23 hours ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@Browncow @caligirl94117 "He was a Pastor who was taken out of his church for telling the parishioners to pay their damn bills and forget about the tithes."

That was him? Nice!

3 days, 2 hours ago on I’m So Glad Russell Brand Opened His Big, Fat, Mouth. Proof the Many Liberals Practice Soft Bigotry

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@SavageTango Trying to set things up, huh? Before you know it, we'll be the Beyond Black and White matchmaking service! 

3 days, 7 hours ago on AAWG, ‘Savage Tango’ “Getting him to do more than smile.”

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@Brenda55 @meusedada "They don't bite.  At least not with out permission."

Uh-uh, Brenda. Lol!

3 days, 8 hours ago on AAWG, ‘Savage Tango’ “Getting him to do more than smile.”

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@cns Yes to the book recommendation!

3 days, 23 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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I actually really enjoyed this post and the discussion; thanks for posting @EmpressNK!

4 days ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@BeautyIAM Oh my gosh, I can totally relate to this thread. I used to be the willing sidekick...I would downplay myself so that my "prettier" friends looked good. Ugh. Sometimes I think of how I used to be and I want to vomit. But I guess the past was a springboard for how I am now, so...  :)

4 days ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@bellechose @RhondaSpeights You are right about seeking professional help...I have experienced similar trauma as a child and thought I was okay until I found the right therapist...then things started changing (for the better) like you wouldn't know. All this time I was living with a block over my head, but I didn't realize it. 

4 days ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@Hmmmmmmmmmmm I haven't seen that show so can't comment, but your username cracks me up!

4 days ago on Is Anyone Watching Halle Berry in Extant?

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Man, I must have been on this blog a long time...because I definitely remember you talking about both of these folks in different posts! Congrats to them. I'm so happy for both of them! If either of you are checking this post (because I know you read), congrats!

4 days ago on How Yours Truly Played Cupid with New Power Couple, Film Maker Chris Silber and Dr. Misee Harris

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Okay, letter writer.  Christelyn was right about the statistics--a much higher proportion of black women in the UK do "swirl" compared to those of us in the US. It's likely that the reason you see more of us Americans swirling is because there are more of us over here in the US. Lol!


Anyway, now that I've gotten that out of the way, please also banish the thought that you're not the "type" that others are interested in. In a practical sense, it doesn't hurt that you are quite pretty and likely have a sparkling personality to match...but let's just get a little psychological for a little bit. 


I don't care what other people say--how you treat yourself and feel about yourself matters. You're not just a "black woman," you're (whatever your name is). There is only one you...so if you're going to put some simple economics into it, the demand is definitely higher than the supply, and you are a hot commodity! Behave as though there are thousands of men after you, because if you play your cards right, you will likely encounter thousands of men who are interested in you, and thousands of opportunities for you to connect with someone. (Obviously I'm not saying that every opportunity will even remotely pan out. Some will only serve as an opportunity for you to practice flirtatious eye contact with a cute guy. Hey, a season for everything, right?)


You are very pretty, and I'm sure there's a sparkling personality in there. I'm going to recommend being more positive about yourself. "I'm probably never going to have a date"--likely, that's not true unless you choose not to. If you hide yourself away and don't put yourself out there, then yeah, that's probably the case. You have the power to change that. Learn to flirt. Read that "Get the Guy" book Chris recommended; I was hopeless at flirting and picking up on cues before I read it. Start to carry yourself as a woman...I don't know how to explain that, really, but once I started behaving as a woman, and not some asexual being, things started changing for me as well.


I think that's all I have to give, for now!

6 days, 1 hour ago on QOTW: “Will I Ever Get a Date…Ever?!”

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@campbellse67 Yes, congrats Susanna!!

6 days, 2 hours ago on QOTW: “Will I Ever Get a Date…Ever?!”

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@Leille  "When a guy in the grocery store looks at me, who's very attractive, all I can do is look down or away because still, deep down inside, I think that actually, they would prefer the Asian girl in isle three."


Gosh, how I can relate to that sentence. I'm overcoming this now, but I will never forget being there. 


I can tell you this--you probably aren't seeing the half of who's out there, looking at you.


I once had a bad habit of not noticing the many attractive men who noticed me.  Like that time in college when a guy from my class asked me for my phone number...but since there was no school project going on, I asked him why he would need my number. And there was the veerrry cute guy at the ice cream counter who tried to flirt with me when I was a teenager, and I shut it down with some not-so-kind words because I assumed that this guy forgot his contacts that morning and thought he was actually talking to a pretty girl. And there was the one guy in my class who...


Anyway...let me not bore you. My point is that you'd be surprised at who's looking at you once you open your eyes. Once I internalized this, I realized that I was being "appreciated" much, much more than I could even have imagined I was. But I had to get all that stuff out of my head first--that he was really looking at "that other girl over there" and not me.

6 days, 2 hours ago on QOTW: “Will I Ever Get a Date…Ever?!”

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@darkandlovely @RhondaSpeights "And I'd be willing to bet that the black guys saying you are "pretty but too dark" are dark themselves."

Usually, they are. Often, they are even darker than the woman they are calling "too dark." 

6 days, 2 hours ago on QOTW: “Will I Ever Get a Date…Ever?!”

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Okay, these guys are hot!


There is nothing hotter to me than resilience, passion, and drive. And it doesn't hurt that these men aren't hard on the eyes, either...

1 week ago on Man Candy Monday: Able Bodied Men

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@itsmeak "But what in the heck will make more black people finally sit up and take notice for even the sake of their OWN lives?!?"

Literally. Having sex can kill you these days if you are not careful. If someone is so reckless as to not wear protection and/or prove their status, then they do NOT care about you, and you shouldn't sleep with them. Better yet, vet the crap out of them and wait. I'm not just a fan of waiting for religious reasons.

1 week ago on Stay Away from Sociopathic Men Who Wish to Corrupt and Shackle You Via Single Motherhood!

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@Brenda55 @Swirlgirl28 "I also agree that women should not be on the front lines facing down a heavily militarized law enforcement.  Why? That to me is just nuts and it is also not lost on me how some people's deaths gain much more attention than others so yeah miss me with this all for one and one for all meme."

This is what gets me about the whole thing. Putting women, children, and elderly on the front lines? No, BUMP that. That's disgusting. 

1 week, 2 days ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@Golden eyes I don't discuss it in my personal relationships, and you don't have to do it in yours either. It's your relationship. 

1 week, 3 days ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@introvertedwanderer @The Working Home Keeper @darkandlovely " I believe that black people have done themselves a disservice by trying to co-opt the word."

Me too.

1 week, 3 days ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@Swirlgirl28 Yep...I'm staying out of it.

1 week, 3 days ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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Holy crap, they are a good-looking couple!

1 week, 3 days ago on Here’s Another Rainbeau Who Just Came Out of Lurkdom

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@ChocolateDiva "In fact he and other black men I've been around have admitted to slipping condoms off during sex, without the girl knowing."

Wtf?

1 week, 3 days ago on Stay Away from Sociopathic Men Who Wish to Corrupt and Shackle You Via Single Motherhood!

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Yes to this message! I've been seeing a lot of this happen--even (maybe especially?) among women who are educated, attractive, young, and basically have everything going for them. 

1 week, 4 days ago on Stay Away from Sociopathic Men Who Wish to Corrupt and Shackle You Via Single Motherhood!

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@BebaBrook I do...but I live in Michigan, not Florida...

1 week, 4 days ago on Here’s Another Rainbeau Who Just Came Out of Lurkdom

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@SirLoinDeBeef @caligirl94117 You want to know something interesting? Up until a few months ago, I didn't know where men were. My life was that segregated. A lot of the places that dating books recommend women go to so they can meet men are woman-dominated (I mean going to an art show? lol). I actually eventually had to ask some male acquaintances where they went when they weren't working, got all sorts of interesting answers I had never considered before. 

1 week, 4 days ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary

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@BreannaNouveaux Knowledge is power. Preach. 

1 week, 6 days ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary

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@harem @Keioni @leduxe @Oaktown Paul "I have met many of men like this. "Don't wear that skirt it may stumble a brother." "

I wholeheartedly agree with your comment, @harem. When men say things like this, I feel a visceral disgust, because it's signalling to me that they can't regulate themselves and exercise self-control. I thought that was part of being a responsible adult? 

2 weeks ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary

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@BreannaNouveaux @Leille Breanna, you are absolutely amazing!

I've been doing a lot of the same things you've mentioned in this post during the year, and I can't express how much it has helped anxiety I've struggled with for most of my life. I do still have my rough days sometimes, but I am loving my life more and more these days.


Thanks for posting. I can feel the love and good vibes in your post.

2 weeks ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary

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@MissFLondon @BeautyIAM @BreannaNouveaux Good point. I've never heard this angle before but it makes sense. 

2 weeks, 4 days ago on As Millennials Support Dating Out, the Black Community ups the “Fetish” Rhetoric

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@Harold13 @Daisy_inthe_Field I think Christelyn had a hand in creating that site, yes. :D

2 weeks, 4 days ago on Two BB&W Fans Sitting in a Tree…Real Life Meeting on Two Regulars. Sparks?

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@SavageTango @SweetGardenia "I have yet to meet a man with red hair who was actually happy about it"

What are you talking about? I love redheads...redheaded men are the world's best kept secret. :)

2 weeks, 4 days ago on Two BB&W Fans Sitting in a Tree…Real Life Meeting on Two Regulars. Sparks?

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@nchokeke67 Sorry, but I disagree. There was a time in my life when I wouldn't even have known if a man were interested if he had asked me out--in fact, this has actually happened before. Multiple times.


It's about socialization and self-esteem. Some people aren't brought up to pick up advances from the opposite gender, and some of us weren't raised with high enough self-esteem to realize that men like us. 

Edit: I do understand that men are men, and that white men are no different from other men.I agree with that. But where I disagree is with the statement

"If you can't tell if he is interested, he either isn't trying hard enough or is not interested."

It's not always that simple, much as we'd like it to be. 

2 weeks, 4 days ago on Are Black Women Extra Clueless When White Men Approach Them?

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@DWB @Blanc2 @Daisy_inthe_Field From the article:

****Rebels found the album (above) stashed, likely, in Qaddafi's sock drawer. We're not going to speculate why he had it, but we hear the pages featuring Condi and Qaddafi during her 2008 visit to his compound were stuck together. Of course if you asked him about it, he'd probably say he just accidentally got the blood of a political dissident on it.

According to Politico, Qaddafi's been a fan of Condi for quite a while: "I support my darling black African woman," he told al-Jazeera in 2007. "I admire and am very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab leaders … Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. … I love her very much. I admire her and I'm proud of her because she's a black woman of African origin."****


Omg! Lmao! 

2 weeks, 5 days ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday:Foot Loose

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@Swirlgirl28 @Bellatrix79 Lol! Sheesh! Some of these women are doing the most.

2 weeks, 5 days ago on As Millennials Support Dating Out, the Black Community ups the “Fetish” Rhetoric

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@radioactive_kat 2 hours?! He was feeling you, Kat!


I mean, he found your sister's yard sale the first time. Maybe he'll find it again...

2 weeks, 5 days ago on Are Black Women Extra Clueless When White Men Approach Them?

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@Oaktown Paul  @lindsaynagle That kinda makes sense...except for me, I think I'd get confused with the whole sleeping or being physically intimiate with your father figure thing.


Just saying...

2 weeks, 5 days ago on Are Black Women Extra Clueless When White Men Approach Them?

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