Bio not provided
You had me at, "Hey 29..."
10 hours, 55 minutes ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
@PJD @spinmcallister Nope that'd benefit Ponder and hurt Teddy.
11 hours, 3 minutes ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
I came here for neck vagina references, where are the neck vagina references?
21 hours, 42 minutes ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
CollegeWolf, quick. Ponder, Bridgewater and Cassel. You make to marry one, fuck one and kill one. Ready.... go!
21 hours, 43 minutes ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
That crazy sumbitch Jack Nicholson was right, I can't handle the truth.
1 week, 6 days ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
RIP K-Will, your spirit lives on inside all of us.
1 month ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
@PJD @spinmcallister I like your style PJD
1 month ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/if-ponder-played-shirtless-he-wouldnt-be-in-this-situation.html
So does this mean that every time I take off my shirt I'm now wearing a Ponder jersey?
1 month, 1 week ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/if-ponder-played-shirtless-he-wouldnt-be-in-this-situation.html
I hear Robocop can analyze your blood's THC content from just your sweat. Jerome Simpson gonna straight NOPE out of both Lions games if that is true.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/lions-sick-of-being-made-fun-of-sign-robocop-to-team.html
Barry Sanders has no more tears to cry.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
PJD is the best source for honest journalism in the world today.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
Ha! Even more irrelevant, might as well be a dragon or a hammer or some shit.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/2014-nfl-draft-or-bust-off-vikings-select-ol-david-yankey.html
PS the jerseys are stupid. That 66 just looks ridiculous. Vikings stop trying to make the horn numbers happen, its never gonna happen.
What do you think about "Crocodile Yankey". (It only works if you say it with the Australian accent.) I watched some tape on the dude and I liked it. He seems to be a good run blocker, pulls and gets out front and crushes dudes. Pass protection... well we're not a passing team so who gives a shit. Also I thought I read recently he just became a U.S. citizen. Maybe we traded for him and sent back Mel Gibson.
Makes sense to me.
2 months ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/mike-zimmer-signs-self-to-play-defense.html
Sometimes the dude has like a burst of speed and burns people only to have them slowly catch up. Its like they hit the turbo button or something. Life imitates art for McSpinnon.
2 months ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
Damn player! You beat me to Andromeda Pain... I was trying to think of some nicknames after I watched tape on these dudes right after the draft and that was the coolest one I could come up with at the time. My others were very second tier Jurassic Pork, Dongo (like Congo but his dong, in some butts). What I saw on tape was they put this dude everywhere on the d-line and he's good against the pass. He seems to be not as good against the run though.
2 months, 1 week ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
The only knock on him I could find is poor deep ball accuracy and lack of personality. Hopefully Norv can help him with both. So excite.
Absofuckinglutely! I think AP may be more important to the development of Teddy Touchdown than anyone else on the team. It'll take the pressure off him and let him grow into the role just like Russel Wilson and Kaepernick have had the opportunity to do. Thanks for the fantastic post, this needs to be out in the football interwebs.
I'm harder than trigonometry right now.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/teddy-bridgewater-and-cordarrelle-patterson-making-friends.html
Agreed. I'm not thrilled but I gotta believe Zimmers got a plan.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/vikings-draft-olb-anthony-barr.html
I think Slick Rick is smoke screening. If we can get a third round pick for him in the draft I think we take it. But even that may be too high to ask for as there are still supposed to be some workable QB's available at that time.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/freeponder.html
"I don't want a large Farva, I want a goddamn liter of cola!" said Zack Mettenberger before he smoked a bunch of weed before the combine, probably.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
Holy shit balls, I haven't laughed that hard when dropping a deuce at work in like forever! Good times. Seriously hilarious article keep up the good work you silly son of a bitch. Also I hope to God Manziel is gone by pick 8 so we don't even have to debate drafting him.
2 months, 3 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/2014-who-ya-gonna-draft-johnny-manziel.html
Agreed. Bridgewater looks great in game tape and is smart enough to pick up Norvs new confusing offense. The only knock I can see is he doesn't throw a very good deep ball, but I'm sure that can be improved upon.
2 months, 3 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/2014-who-ya-gonna-draft-teddy-bridgewater.html
I predict 12-4. That's 12 unplanned pregnancies and 4 early terminations. Its gonna be a great year, I can feel it!
2 months, 3 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/we-review-the-2014-minnesota-vikings-schedule.html
Also can you imagine the pure hilarity and locker room hijinx that would go on with having Matt Kalil and Khalil Mack on the same roster? Zimmer - "Khalil come over here." Kalil-"But I'm standing right here coach." Zimmer-"Not you, I'm talking to Mack." Kalil-"But my name is Matt!" Zimmer-"Not Matt, Mack!" Then Zimmer punches Ponder in the face and the whole time Norv's vagina neck just quivers in the background.
Good times Vikings, good times...
2 months, 4 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
Mack is super-stud-#1-A-ok guy.
That would be a beautiful day. Run C.J. run like the wind.
3 months ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
He probably didn't start playing there because of it, but I am certain that the hard salami is the reason why Rodgers is sticking around in Green Bay. I mean what else could it be...?
3 months ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/packers-players-so-poor-they-have-to-work-at-mcdonalds.html
With that last picture you just made me believe in the Easter Bunny again. Bless your sou Purple Jesus Easter Bunny.
3 months ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/did-the-purple-jesus-get-resurrected-as-a-plush-toy.html
Why did I just go from six to midnight after reading this article?
3 months, 1 week ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
I was gonna suggest swapping OT and Safety as far as priority wise but then you reminded me of the Kurt Coleman signing. Dude not only has open field tackled AD on multiple occasions, he has also put clown shoes on Percy, dick punched Eli Manning and stole some dudes shoe... Classic Coleman. I think your picks are right on I really like Mosely and think he'd be a huge impact for the Vikings. Ideally we could trade back to the teens and still get him in round 1. If we couldn't trade back I wouldn't be bummed if we took him at 8 though. I think he's a better prospect than Mack.
@PJD @CollegeWolf Lol thats how he broke his arm last year playing for the Lions. He had a pizza on the passenger seat and it started sliding off and he went to grab it and wrecked his truck and broke his arm. Typical lions bullshit you know.
@PJD @spinmcallister The rich get richer my friend.
3 months, 1 week ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/vikings-sign-former-eagles-safety-kurt-coleman.html
Our badass special teams just got more badassed.
This unfortunately means less Vikings games for out of towners like me that are too cheap to get Sunday ticket. Fuck it, looks like its the bar again for me, you win this round commissioner.
Hopefully Spielman pulls some Draft Day Kevin Costner shit and makes some magic happen. I just hope they can move back a little bit in the first and grab maybe like another 3rd round pick (I think we'd have like 37 3rd rounders then). Then we could get CJ Mosely without having to worry about overdrafting. If Mack isn't there at 8 I think Mosely is the guy that could impact the Vikings the most out of this draft. Need and talent wise.
Just looked through the link to the pictures of the training camp. The second to last one there are all female judges with like one dude judge, looks like a total perv. So jealous...
3 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/
Brad Childress that silly goose. Nice work on this one.
@spinmcallister The game I meant was LSU/Alabama, Zach looked bad. Can't handle pressure, threw what should have been 4 ints, stares his receivers down. Great tape for Mosely though dude was EVERYWHERE! Also I went back and did watch LSU/Auburn and Zach looked pretty bad there too. I hope the Mettenberger rumor is just a smoke screen, maybe the Raiders will pick him up and save us the trouble.
3 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/are-the-vikings-angling-to-draft-zach-mettenberger.html
Mettenberger is a tough sell unless they wait to get him with one of their third round picks. Watched some tape of I think LSU/Auburn and he didn't look that great, plus he just got hurt too I believe. I think if we can trade back a little in the first and grab Mosely, then McCarron round 2 we'll be in fantastic shape. Still leaves 2 3rd round picks (maybe 3 with the trade back) for db's, maybe a guard or a defensive end within the this guy may work out range. But for now in Zim (and Norv) I trust.
Minnesota Vikings fans are craftier than you give them credit for. There's only one way to trick an apex predator like Jared Allen, with hubris. If he shows up and the purple and gold cheer him, hold up signs that say, " We Love You Jared!", "JA 69's My Heart," and "Cutler Eats Shit for Breakfast." The rage from getting dumped by his one true love will turn into regret that he didn't just give them the hometown discount and play out his diminishing years like a war hero. His tears will then turn to frozen icicles of shame on that big beautiful Burt Reynolds mug of his. We gonna get you so good Jared...
3 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/minnesota-nice-or-not-when-jared-allen-returns.html
I also agree wearing one uniform that is just one color is for chumps.
3 months, 3 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/linval-jospeh-finds-inspiration-in-fat-pat-williams.html
Wolverine as the mike. No one throws over the middle anymore.
3 months, 3 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/breaking-news-captain-america-signs-with-minnesota-vikings.html
That Jerome Simpson, always rolling everything into joints and trying to smoke it... What a character.
3 months, 4 weeks ago on NFL Rules No Goalpost Dunking, But Where Will It Stop?!
Investigative journalism at its finest! Hopefully PJD can uncover if we have any other secret immortals on the team, maybe Thor or Captain America or someting? Though I have to admit I'm a little disappointed that Vlad looks nothing like Gary Oldman did in the movies.
4 months ago on Vikings Sign Dracula to Offensive Line
@CollegeWolf Vlad the Inhaler...
Today is Purple Christmas. Shame on you for not making an A.D. post on his birthday!
4 months ago on Corey Wootton Comes Full Circle, Signs With Vikings
@PJD @spinmcallister For better or worse at least Chris Cook saw some time on the field. I wouldn't say he "earned" his paycheck, but he at least wasn't getting paid to play grabass on the sidelines. Hilarious article by the way, keep up the good work!
4 months ago on What Secrets Will Letroy Guion Tell the Packers?
That loveable sumbitch may just be addition by subtraction. Now if only we can get the Packers to waste a roster spot on Joe Web for the next three years....
I'm hoping if he falls to us at 8 we trade back and go defense 1st rd, Mosely, maybe. Then take McCarron round 2. Bama draft it will be.
4 months ago on Teddy Bridgewater's Poor Pro Day Makes Him Perfect Fit for Vikings
It wasn't even a cheap contract. $5 mil for 2 years? Thanks Obama...
4 months, 1 week ago on Vikings Temper Fan Free Agency Excitement, Re-Sign Charlie Johnson
Lol don't feel too bad, I didn't think of it either. It came from the lips of The Captain himself. I watched an interview with him yesterday, behind the helmet I think it was called. They did it back when he was with the Panthers, its a little more in-depth than the Paul Allen one.
4 months, 1 week ago on Let's All Agree on a Captain Munnerlyn Nickname
I gotta go with Captain Crunch. Watch some clips, this dude blitzes from the slot like a madman, love it!
You bring up a really good point that the Captain wasn't a big name college guy and he's had to fight his way to get to where he's at. Definitely a Zimmer chip on his shoulder guy. What do you think about going for Browner? Zim worked wonders with Vontaze Burfict and Pacman Jones both talented character issue guys.
4 months, 1 week ago on Will Captain Munnerlyn Bring His Shirtless Talents to Minnesota?
Okra patches look out.
4 months, 1 week ago on Vikings Sign Big, Huge Man to Plug Gaping Holes in the Middle
I hope Nicolas Cage plays him after they make this into a movie where Griffen brings home the championship to Minnesota while saving the world from the Minotaur's undead legions.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Vikings Shore Up Defense By Signing Mythic Griffen Beast
@CollegeWolf Yeah me too. Vick seems the bolder move, with more big play ability but he had lots of turn overs lately. Looks like they want to play it safe with Cassel. Lots of mock drafts lately have had one of the top 3 qb's falling to Vikings at 8, so maybe thats something. This signing feels a little meh.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Roster Moves: Vikings Re-Sign Matt Cassel
RIP GC, we'll never forget your haunting smile.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Seattle Seahawks Excited About New Potential Receiver Greg Childs
@CollegeWolf Healthy Vick would be an upgrade over Ponder or Cassell or even a Voltron like combination of the two. That would also allow us to go QB in the 2nd or 3rd round in the draft and get a guy to develop as opposed to reaching for a guy that we would have to start immediately.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Chris Cook, Jared Allen to Test Free Agency, Matt Cassel to Houston?
He he he, murderer's row. I see what you did there.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Shocking News: John Carlson Getting Released, Probably
Who are these people?
4 months, 3 weeks ago on What if the Timberwolves Were Minnesota Vikings?
Hes more machine than man now PJD. Childs Please, we now have 2 Cordarrelles on the roster. They have identical heights, broad jump scores, vertical jumps scores and Childs Play was a tad slower on his 40 time 4.53 compared to 4.42. But the dude was repping 225 bench press 19 times 2 years ago at the combine and he's been doing nothing but working out since then. Meaning we now have our own personal Robocop that is strong as shit to battle for the jump balls. Peace out Jerome, bye bye Joe Joe the Childs Prodigy is back like a jump kick to the face!
4 months, 3 weeks ago on Is Greg Childs on His Way Back?
I like it. This could have been published in theonion.com. Nice work.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on New Vikings Renovations Include Turning Downtown into a Snow-Mageddon
PJD don't like in the state anymore. So could you do me a solid and drive down there and punch that pile a rubble for me? Maybe sneak behind a construction fence, take a little tinkle on all our broken dreams? Thanks, I'll owe you one.
4 months, 4 weeks ago on The Metrodome Explodes, and Buries Our Horrible Nightmares
@AlexGSharp Carter also pointed out a truth Seattle has no number one receiver. The 3 years Baldwins been on the team no one has been close to 1000 yards receiving. Baldwin was ranked what number 44 in the league this season in receiving yards (778) with 5 touchdowns? The guys above and below him on the list Thomas and Welker had 12 td's and 10 td's respectfully.
As for Percy, he is your headache now, migraine actually. Here's another truth, Seattle paid Percy $4.9 million for 5 catches 43 yards(including post season) with 1 td (returning). That's almost a million dollars a catch. Not per touchdown, per catch! He's gonna make $13.4 this coming up season. I hope you guys get your money's worth again this year.
5 months ago on Doug Baldwin (Who?) Thinks He's Better Than Cris Carter
I wonder if he included the reservoir deep below the dome in which our near frozen tears are harvested to keep a genetically cloned Bud Grant alive. Only to one day awaken and bring about the zombie apocalypse only known as "The Rise of the Purple People Eaters." If only we would have realized the hubris of what we had done with our dominant teams of the 1960's. The world will end before the Vikings ever win a Superbowl, as it has been foretold by the demon spawn Al Davis. Yet there is still hope; through Purple Jesus all things are possible.
5 months ago on Behold the Glory of the Metrodome in Minecraft
Man wish I wouldn't have read this. I have always thought Seattle's receivers were a-holes; Tate, Rice, Harvin and now Baldwin. I looked up the rest of the quote regarding Carter and saw lots of Carter hate out there, which I thought was unfounded until I saw some of the stuff associated with him. This one really got me.
"Carter's most selfish act came
in 2003, when Bill Brown was supposed to be inducted into the Vikings'
Ring of Honor. Carter told then-owner Red McCombs he wanted to be
inducted that year, so Brown was bumped to 2004. Brown had been looking
forward to the 2003 induction because his wife was ill with diabetes and
Brown wanted her to see him have his day. Brown's wife died before his
Hilarity ensues with the Lions logo, love the description. Did you see the Dolphins logo? It looks like a tranny Dolphin wearing lipstick and fishnet stalkings, guess it would be pretty intimidating to see that shit roll onto the field. Reminds me of Buffalo Bob from Joe Dirt, freaky!
5 months ago on Vikings Redesigns: NFC North Goes Heavy Metal
@acjohnson2 @PJD@ndmoverI agree I want to go defense first pick also. Carr will be it thats left at 8 for QB and I think the guy is second round talent. The key is if Spielman can do what he said he wants to do and get more picks. Trading back would be a great move. LB talent pool is pretty deep and there is some good secondary talent to be had in round 2 also. Same can be said for QB's. Fact is one big name first round talent won't right the ship. There's a lot of holes that will need to be fixed in the draft as well as free agency. We'll at least have some cash to spend on some proven veterans, Alterraun Verner anyone?
5 months ago on New Vikings OC Norv Turner Already on Hot Seat
@PJD @spinmcallister I guess public awareness is not at the level it should be. There's really only one solution... PJD Presents NECK VAG WEEK hosted by Bryant "Okra Patch" McKinney.
There may be no limit to my appreciation of the fact that you have an entire category called Norv Turner's Neck Vagina. God bless America and God bless Purple Jesus Diaries.
Dang $175 seems cheap. Think he does birthdays or pizza parties?
5 months, 1 week ago on VIKTOR the VIKING Brings Your Lady a Valentines Delivery
I give this article an A for effective use of the word ziggurat. Also is the bear a Panda, or just stoned? Its kind of making a smoking Jay Cutler face.
5 months, 1 week ago on Vikings Redesigns: Vikings - Everywhere You Want to Be
With dudes like Norv Turner (kinda reminds me of the coach in Waterboy played by the Fonz), Akey (Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds) and Priefer (no good analogy, maybe the stapler guy from office space) all coached by Zimmer I am sort of getting a Bad News Bears kind of vibe from the team. And goddamn if I am not loving it!
5 months, 1 week ago on Vikings New Defensive Line Coach Robb Akey is a Bad Ass
Always thought Dennis Green could build amazing teams, his only problem was coaching. If Spielman shits the bed this year I say Dennie Green Vikings GM for 2015!
5 months, 1 week ago on Let's Watch Vikings vs. Packers, 1998
I think this too closely parodies the Randy Moss situation. He didn't want to be back in MN even if we had Favre, he wanted to be on the best team in the league (at the time anyway) arguably the Patriots. I think the same goes for Rice except this time the Seahawks are arguably the best team in the league and wouldn't want to return to the shitty Vikings. I think we should be developing more young guys like Patterson instead of retreads like Rice. Speaking of what the heck is going on with Greg Childs? As far as I know hes still on the squad and is a Viking until after the 2015 season.
5 months, 1 week ago on If Seattle Lets Sidney Rice Go, Should the Vikings Get Him Back?
The whole point of all this subtle hope and quiet optimism is so there is some sort of plausible deniability when the inevitable happens. Frankly we just wouldn't be Vikings fans without it. And now you've gone and damned us all with your talk of rabbit holes and dominant franchises. You may have mistaken this for a Seahawks blog, which is pretty common as thats where all our former players go to get rings. On a related note Winfield is the real loser in that situation. He deserved a ring more than any other former Viking and Seattle cut him before the season started.
5 months, 2 weeks ago on So, Fred Evans Sister is an Olympic Bobsledder
@CollegeWolf I straight lol'ed at work homie, nice.
Those Evans' are all triple threats, athletic, famous and sexy. I think Freddy needs to be your next shirtless Viking before he joins the rest of his teammates in Seattle.
Thank God it wasn't a 2009 Super Bowl XLIV hat. Still too soon, we'll never forget you Brent.
5 months, 2 weeks ago on Hey! Remember When the Vikings Won the Super Bowl??
Lol, could be. I didn't think about the disproportionate amount of Guidos in Miami, the Giants would have been a good fit since they are from Jersey and they could even keep the G.
5 months, 2 weeks ago on If the Minnesota Vikings Were from Star Wars
Now that I think about it Jaba probably eats nothing but cheese curds and sniffs his own farts. Probably wouldn't even look twice if you saw him walking down the streets of Green Bay.
My favorite was the Miami Greedos, hilarious.
Can't believe you'd even suggest trading our purple lord and savior. Such swears...
5 months, 2 weeks ago on Percy Harvin is a World Mutha F*ckin' Champ
This is what the encyclopedia entry should read when you look up T-Jack.
5 months, 2 weeks ago on Tarvaris Jackson: Super Bowl Winning Quarterback
My disdain for Percy also runs deep. But don't forget the guy that Percy'd the Vikings before Percy Percyed the Vikings. Sidney "Trick Knee" Rice. Fuck that guy too.
5 months, 3 weeks ago on Which Former Vikings Player Should Dictate Your Super Bowl Rooting Interests?
The visual of Bryant McKinnie and Culpepper had hilariously scarred me for life. Roll Daunte.
5 months, 3 weeks ago on Fred Smoot is Getting the Love Boat Crew Back Together
@PJD@spinmcallister Naah, it'll be their secondary. Patrick Peterson and the Honey Badger. Though I'd love it if Fitzgerald left and maybe went back to MINNESOTA!?! But here's the twist, as Christian Ponder's replacement. He can throw the ball to himself.
5 months, 3 weeks ago on Harrison Hits Netflix: Once Upon a Time in the West
I would buy a jersey for the Arizona Bronsons, especially living in Phoenix and all. Then maybe they'd get more than half the stadium with local team jerseys instead of all opposing jerseys.
@CollegeWolf Looks like we are gonna get our old 2 game a year punching bag back. May the Schwartz be with you College Wolf.
6 months ago on Detroit Lions Hired a Leslie Frazier Clone, I Guess?
Its funny the Vikings and Lions went out and hired the exact opposite coaching personalities that they had previously. Must be some gut reaction thing, though in the case of Zimmer I think the move was awesome. I gotta say I'll miss Schwartz though. He's like Phillip Rivers I love to watch the guy get beat and then lose his shit. In fact I think I'll Google the clip of him almost getting his ass beat by Harbaugh for nostalgic purposes.
@CollegeWolfthank god for that. You think Zimmer continues the Freeman experiment?
6 months ago on What Does Mike Zimmer's Press Conference Word Cloud Tell Us?
So much hope right now I'm almost embarrassed to admit it.
I loled at beaten eggs and the bathrobe reference. That in fact could be the title of that Chris Cook biography you've been working on for the last 4 years, "Beaten Eggs and Bathrobes:The Surly Tale of a Real American Ninja."
6 months ago on How Chris Cook (Probably) Spent Championship Sunday
Can't really bag on the dude for a 5th rounder not working out. Please see obligatory Christian Ponder reference.
Very excite. Much defense.
6 months, 1 week ago on Recap: Vikings Hire Mike Zimmer, Crowd Goes Nuts