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@Aabaakawad @MySmile@Suburban Soulgirl
lol well if you truly identify as a feminist and are not using it for your own personal gain then that's your right...but since I don't identify as a feminist (largely due to radical feminism..sorry, I've always liked my doors opened and to feel protected..Also random tidbit: I tried to take a feminist theory class before...hated it...and a lot of the articles we read were leaning more towards radical feminism..not to mention, the people in that class were so obnoxious, annoying, condescending, and self righteous...mostly ww....the type of feminists we talk about here), a man saying he is a feminist would not do much of anything for me..because it's likely he would be more on the radical side of feminism. A lot of men today believe in basic women's rights but don't call themselves feminists...because that's not what the word means to most today...
..And even though a guy has never told me he was a feminist, there have been implications..and they have been used to try to gain favor with women or because the guy is bitter and wants to sit back and do nothing......I've had guys go on these "women want to be treated the same as a man, Why do other men put women on a pedestal? Women are not special and can do everything men can do" rants before...not knowing I was going to disagree with them...Whether the intent is to impress or to insult, it's not a good look in my book..
2 weeks, 6 days ago on Lessons From The Hubster: What You Get With a Guy Who Wants to Go Dutch on the First Date
"Splitting responsibilities doesn't have to entail splitting the same responsibilities."
Exactly. This is the point a lot of people miss. Just because a
woman doesn't pay for her half of dinner or later down the line, the
mortgage, doesn't mean she's not contributing anything to the
relationship....I suppose the same could be said for men, but since I am more traditional when it comes to dating, there are certain things I expect a man to do most of the times, while there are some things I expect to do more of...
Also, I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but in the beginning stages, I don't feel like I have to contribute much of anything, unless my personality, conversation, and sense of humor count lol... I think with the traditional style of courting, women were only expected to bring themselves and a smile...The man was just happy to have the woman's time...Also, looking good for dates takes effort too ;-)
"I believe that men like the aforementioned pul the feminist card so they
can put as little energy add they can while dating...avoid at all costs"
Yes, yes, yes...A man saying he is a feminist does not turn me on or impress me. It's funny that some men think this will help them be more successful (and/or have more sex) with women..I guess that works on some people...
"I have no problem with a first date being at the coffee shop, the ice cream parlor, or miniature golf."
This is definitely becoming more common (especially the coffee & drink dates) and I'm still on the fence about it. I'm used to being taken out for dinner and some other activity. ..and most guys still do that, but I just had my first "drinks" date this past Saturday. While I love coffee, wine, and ice cream, I'm used to things like this being an add-on to other activities done during a date, not being the date itself. Sometimes, I feel like guys use this to be lazy and/or cheap. However, I know that's not always true, and I do love the low pressure feel, especially when it comes to online dating, so I wouldn't say I'm exactly against it (at least pay for the coffee!). I do think it's more appropriate for online dating than
offline though...and if the guy already knew me before asking me out, I would hope he'd ask me out for something more than a grande caramel macchiato...
Also, I think mini golf is a great idea for a first date! Every time I went, I had a blast. It's fun and you can interact with each other...but I typically feel like a date isn't complete without a meal! lol
"I'm in my early 20s...I don't expect to be taken to super
expensive places or do expensive things but I do expect him to pay for
the date.... Get creative for goodness
sake, lets go on a picnic if its a nice day, or go to a museum or a walk
by the water front."
Exactly. I can't accept most of the excuses men come up with for going dutch, regardless of what stage of life they are in. There are so many inexpensive ways to make a girl feel special. I've mentioned before that one of my ex boyfriends took me on a picnic. It was one of the most romantic dates I have ever been on.
As you get older, there is even less of an excuse for splitting the tab. I'm 24 now, and typically date men in the later half of their 20s. At this point, I don't date "broke" men period.They don't have to have a lot.. (I've dated guys who were master's and Phd students who didn't have much...but they still paid!) but they need to have potential and to at least be able to keep some money in their pocket. Sometimes broke is a code word for irresponsible...and that's a red flag, especially if he is beyond college age.....A lot of people are broke because they try to live beyond their means.
Some bitter men think it's just about trying to get their money. I have been taken on some more expensive dates, and while they were nice, we don't always have to go places like that..Some of the best date ideas are not even expensive....Basically, it's the principle of the matter...about how much he cares and how he feels about being a provider. Again, though, most of the men who cry broke are just full of excuses. Nine times out of ten, it's not that they don't have the money, it's that they don't want to spend it on you.
Wow are you serious?!!! lol that's crazy!! I'm glad you walked out...See I should have just done what you did but at the time I lived too far out (the bus didn't go that far) and bus systems down here aren't the most convenient...
3 weeks, 2 days ago on Listen white guys, you REALLY need to get over your fear of the black man’s penis.
Yep, they were on there talking about how we (supposedly) smell... and I worded it nicely too...it was a lot more disgusting and vulgar the way they described it: the "stank" on black women smh ugh... I have wonderful hygiene and am often told I smell good so they can go somewhere else with that. That is a personal issue, not a race one. I've met all kinds of people who smell bad.
3 weeks, 3 days ago on Listen white guys, you REALLY need to get over your fear of the black man’s penis.
@LadyHumor @onmywayup@KingsDaughter@MySmile@StatuesqueWhere do you live LadyHumor? This is the most snow we've gotten in NC in a while
Thank you all, and yay for snow days!
Nope, I don't remember him looking like he cared too much...It was kind of embarrassing too...luckily nobody was behind us! It was the dang skating rink!!! How cheap can you be? lol...but he had money for shoes and clothes though smh...shortly afterwards he had a baby with some girl he can barely stand (or who can barely stand him)..I cringe when I think back to some of the guys I've been out with or talked to!! I never really liked the way they treated me, but, unfortunately, I still accepted it..at least for a short period of time...I'm glad I have more of a backbone now... That type of stuff is unacceptable now
Though most of the guys I've "talked to" have taken me out on a date,
I've also met wm who I could tell weren't used to having to actually take
women out on dates either (or pay)..especially if they are too much on the "modern" side when it comes to dating...and needless to say that didn't last long..They did it because they knew I liked and expected that type of stuff...but you could tell sometimes they'd rather be at home in bed with you, not spending a dime...I'd rather them not do things like that reluctantly
Another short story is one time this guy texted me and asked if my "people" were there (I was on break from college I think). I asked him why and told him I wasn't going to have sex with him. Though that may sound too defensive. but I had a bad feeling about him..plus I'm no fool. Why would that be the first thing you ask? He then decided to dig his grave deeper by calling me paranoid and a bitch. Then he gave me a half assed apology by trying to justify what he did...I actually entertained the idea of still talking to him..but I didn't!! Thank goodness, because by that point I'd already been called a bitch and some other names by a couple of other jerks (one black guy...one white) so I learned my lesson. He was another lazy guy who didn't even want to take me anywhere..he just wanted to try and have sex...
Exactly!! Lol these guys need to learn the definition of a golddigger...A real golddigger wouldn't even look their way..
Yeah, if it was just like a "charm school" for men, then nobody would have a problem with it.... but it is really a place for bitter men to spew their venom under the guise of trying to help each other..
"Ladies, do your VERY BEST to avoid men who think like them!
I don’t think it is any great boom for us to have guys like that after us for
partnerships/relationships..... Naw son. I’ll pass. I don’t mind if you consider me the
daughter of the Beast of the Black Lagoon and Jabba the Hut. Even so, I deserve
kind treatment and respect! XD"
Lol! Exactly. They're doing us a favor by not going after us lol...but even if they did, avoid at all costs....I'm sure in "real life" some of these men may still try to run game on bw (to sleep with us, etc) even though they hold extremely negative views of us...but if you see the signs...avoid like the plague
I saw the thing about having a harem too! Um, no.....
" No such thing as a 50 percent sale on western clothes"
lol! That made me laugh for some reason.
I've been to New York once but didn't do much shopping. Next time I go I will. How long have you been living over there? Are you from the states?
Thank you :-) I enjoy reading your posts too and many others here. Even though I haven't commented this much in a while, I often worry that I'm annoying...online and in regular life :-/ I hate being so insecure about it, and sometimes I'm too apologetic, but I know where it comes from (being told and treated like I'm annoying by a few people who were close to me) but I'm trying to work on it...
Sameriah that would have been super awkward...Did you go out with him again after that?
and KingsDaughter I think a lot of guys who moan and complain about that stuff are distrustful of women in general...They don't like the idea of paying for women because A) They're trying to protect themselves from "Gold diggers" (let some men tell it, every woman with standards is a gold digger) or B) They don't like the idea of spending money (not even $20!) on a woman who may not be around in the long run ..and I wish I was in on that conversation
A few years ago, I was "Talking to" this guy I knew from high school (bm) who wouldn't take me out on a real date. He always wanted to chill at his house, , or go through the drive through (he paid, but still, the drive through when you've never taken me on a real date?!! no). One time we went out and I really did leave my wallet in the car (because we were going to the skating rink and it's hard to keep up with a purse or wallet). When we got in the lady told us how much it was and he just looked at me. I told him my wallet was in the car.. I didn't expect to need it....He gave me his car keys and said I could go back and get it. It was cold too. Hell nah. lol smfh. I think I did go back but they only accepted cash or something like that and I just had a card....so I didn't end up paying..but it still bothered me that he wanted to avoid paying that much. This was shortly after high school...but if that was me today I would have either paid for myself and not went out with him again or just told him to take me home because that is such a turn off... He was one of those guys who didn't want to spend money on a girl until he was serious with her...or at least that was his excuse. However, it's not just about money. It is the principle of the matter... There are other things you can do for a girl that will make her feel special without spending a lot of money (ex: my ex took me on a picnic)..but that guy was dbr so what did I expect?
True. I'm sure men are annoyed when women constantly ask if they look fat (that's annoying to me too) . A man who cares about you wants you to feel good about yourself. Men have insecurities and they need to be reassured sometimes too, but some guys just don't know how to voice their concerns...that was my issue...and that some guys are so worried about this they would avoid black women all together...that's a bit much...there are bw out there who will like their package, big or small, and there are wm who like our hair
I'm working on my neediness and insecurities, and I rarely complain about my weight and body to men (I am actively working on changing it) but on the occasions that I do, I'd like him to be there to comfort me. I think I'd rather him a be less needy than me though
I feel like I'm posting too much, but I've been "snowed in" since yesterday :-) The south shuts down when it comes to snow..and I'm not complaining one bit! I'm going to get off this computer and go do something else...cook, or pick up the guitar or a book
You sound like you have great style. I don't have the money to shop at those places yet haha but even if I did I'm a bargain shopper. If you don't mind me asking, where do you live?
I hear you! You do make a good point...my personality is not as strong, and I'm not sure how confident I appear (though I'm more comfortable with myself now)...plus even though I try to look nice, I don't own expensive clothing or designer handbags...so I guess how much you should tone it down depends on how fancy you usually dress.
I like to wear
skirts, dresses, lace, and floral patterns..and when I wear jeans I usually try to dress them up (with shoes, a top, or a coverup)...While some of my friends
just wear hoodies and jeans...I'm not going to change my style
completely for them but sometimes I do dress down a bit when we hang
out, so it won't be completely off....so I see what you're saying. I still try to stay true to my own
style though, like I may still wear a dress but a more casual dress, or
wear jeans and a cute top, or dress more plain but still cute...I'm not going most places in an oversized tshirt and some frumpy looking jeans..but even my more plain and casual friends don't dress that sloppy so it's good
You would say that! lol are you the one with the foot fetish? :-P