MySmile
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@KingsDaughter @mzsunshine @Moon Child
Thanks! Yeah, there's definitely some choice in who you love. I don't think that takes away from the romance though. :-)
Also, I'm just going to say I don't know about if you can choose who you're attracted to..that may have more to do with environment, experiences, and conditioning, so I'm really not sure!!!
I like country boys, city boys, and everything in between!!! My tastes are weird lol...In the past few months, I found myself crushing on a tattoed, pick up truck driving bass player (with an awesome beard), a golf playing, khaki wearing frat boy look alike, and a borderline hipster. lol...They were all in my classes but they all had girlfriends except for one....and my ex likes to dress like he's from the 40s with a fedora and suit sometimes, but he has 90s rock band hair (and rocks the ponytail sometimes)..I've liked plenty of other types of guys as well...Haha I'm all over the place. There are certain personality traits that they must have though.
I've always wanted to take horseback riding lessons (though part of me is scared to death). The closest I've ever been was riding those horses at the fair as a young child... My sister never wanted to get on the horses because she said they were stink lol
@keimiasmoon @heyimPearlilikefries
"it assumes that the person marrying interracially believes that a person of their own race is their natural mate and is somehow going against that."
This is a good point that I didn't think about. It is true that a lot of people do feel this way. This is why a lot of black men think they own black women (even ones they don't even know) and vice versa...and a lot of black women feel guilty for dating non black men (or go on and on about how they love "their brothas")...but not everyone feels like that. I hate when people say things like the black woman's rightful place is beside her black king or whatever other garbage they come up with...No. A black woman's rightful place is wherever she is happy, loved, and respected.
Yep, we can't forget about attraction! Nobody wants to date someone they're not physically attracted to and the majority of bm just don't do it for me...
Let me add that I'm not sure if people can necessarily choose who they are attracted to (probably not, but it would be a slippery slope to even try to explain that) but I do believe that you can choose who you open up your heart to and fall in love with, at least to some extent...
I think a lot of people can see themselves in some of these (I'm kind of the outcast & maverick), but don't completely fit into them or necessarily try to. This seems to have more to do with upbringing, environment, and/ or general personality traits. I am not offended by the post though. Just because some of these labels don't fit me doesn't mean they aren't other people's realities. I do, however, side eye some of these categories such as the unstables because they don't sound like the healthiest reasons to date or marry interracially ..but the writer didn't say they were.. It would be problematic if they were saying these are the ONLY type of people in interracial relationships, or that interracial couples owe people an explanation, but I didn't get that from the article either. I hope I'm not being naive, but I read some other parts of the post that was linked and just didn't think that was what they were trying to say. I definitely think love and similar values should be at the top of the list. :-)
I'll admit that I've never seen Sleepless in Seattle...I know, I know, I had to have been under a rock, right? Of course I've heard of it though and we performed the song "When I fall in love" from the movie in my high school choir.. beautiful song. Anyways, I will watch it soon..gotta get my netflix subscription going again..hopefully they have it on there..
" Love is a choice not something that just happens as Hollywood would have us to believe. "
I love romantic comedies and I'll admit I'm pretty sappy, but I don't agree when people say "You can't choose who you love".....Yeah, you can. People do it every day. That's why people have standards, so that they can eliminate certain people.
I don't believe in love at first sight (love takes time), but I love the idea of meeting someone out of nowhere and sparking each others' interests (classic rom com scenario). However, there is still a point when you either let yourself fall for the person or decide not to become too emotionally invested. You also have to make a choice to distance yourself from someone if you want to fall out of love, though it's difficult..
I'm over-thinking again...I'll stop now. lol
"because of a set of intrinsic needs and environment factors such as upbringing, experiences, emotional needs, etc....begin to gain different perspectives and then find themselves in a position to love another.... at the end of the day from a social science and psychological perspective. This can have a bit of weight."
Exactly. I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic, but I was looking at it from a sociological/ psychological perspective too. I understand most people don't fit perfectly into these categories, though.
I'm going to have to give credit where credit is due. Of course battering his wife and neglecting his children is wrong! I don't think anyone here is saying that's okay. However, his past does not negate the fact that he did a good deed. The two have nothing to do with each other.
I've been caught up with exams and barely even had time to fit my regular work out in...can I still join? I know I'd have to make up for a week's worth of squats (I'll probably do the crunches too) but I'll survive somehow lol
I could have lived with the fact that they were racist, but I couldn't live with having to be around them. If someone is willing to cut racist family members off then it's cool...but the fact that he cared so much about those relationships really upset me....I don't care how cool someone is otherwise, if they're racist, they're racist....
True!! I'm not trying to discourage anyone but I would strongly encourage other bw to find a man who is willing to stand up for them or put his foot down when it comes to family (that means cutting them off if it needs to happen)... the good part about it was after the first few months of our relationship (when he moved out of his sister's house) we didn't have to see them that much!!!
Thanks for this!!! I have the exact same problem areas...my love handles are a problem too!! I feel like the weight loss industry doesn't really cater to apple shaped women. Many assume that women have the most problems with their bottom half because pear and hourglass shapes are still seen as the default feminine shapes...and the most womanly. My body hates sugar. Not only do I gain weight, but I get headaches and I just feel bad overall if I have too much (and "too much sugar" for me really isn't even that much). I've said this before but I don't eat or drink regular sugar much (I don't even buy juice), but I'm sure I get enough even through eating fruit, wheat bread and snacks. It's amazing how weight loss works depending on your body type. If I have a little extra fat one week, or a lot of meat, it doesn't affect my weight much (I work out frequently though). Not eating much sugar has helped me lose a lot of weight in my stomach (though I still have more to lose).. I need to cut back on the bread though!!!
Lol yes!!! I suppose he was. Like I was saying below most people don't want to admit that their family or friends are racist because they feel it reflects badly upon them. I also don't think he took them that seriously because of their ages, but when you're on the receiving end of the racist and spiteful comments, it is serious. He was only fooling himself because he wasn't fooling me... I knew how they felt about black people...
@onmywayup Same here! Most of us make generalizations and have fear of the unknown sometimes... It's almost human nature. It's not an excuse to be hateful or mean spirited towards people though. My parents probably wouldn’t be too excited if I brought home a Middle Eastern guy who was a Muslim, especially if he wore a turban or other ethnic clothing ...but the chances of this happening are slim to none, not attracted to most, plus, talk about a culture clash and I don't like heavily religious men, but still….They would probably worry about my personal safety and assume he'd be too controlling...there would definitely be some hesitation and fear there, like with most Americans.. They are also pretty religious (Christian) so they wouldn't care for the whole him being a Muslim thing either..and they probably wouldn't be too thrilled if I married an Indian guy and wore a sari to my wedding.
If I really wanted to marry the guy though, I would. It is ultimately up to the decision of the person who is getting married, of course. I don't live for my parents. I'm pretty sure they would at least come to my wedding or let us come over the house, even if they didn't particularly care for our relationship, they'd probably get used to it. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be rude to him, but I'd probably have to hear some comments when he wasn't around. At least I'd be real with the guy about my parents possibly disapproving of our relationship. Like I said, I typically don't date guys from extremely traditional cultures anyway, because I have no desire to, but if I wanted to, I would.
@kia I just wanted to share my experience with rude and racist family members. My ex boyfriend's (white) mom and sister (dad was deceased) loved me, but sister's partner's teenage children were something else. They would just conveniently start talking about how ghetto most black people are while I was around. They also told their little brother to "stop acting like ghetto trash" once. His Nephew even used the n word on facebook before (with the er at the end) and claimed that he can use it all he wants because it means any ignorant person (in that case he'd be a perfect example)... I set him straight on that one.
I eventually got upset that my ex expected me to just get along with them for a few hours and keep the peace. I don't continually go where I know I am going to be disrespected. My ex didn't say much to his nephew around me, but he said he pulled him aside when I wasn't around. According to his nephew, he didn't see me as black, but rather a special snowflake or a "white black person". His niece's ex boyfriend was also racist (loved to make fun of black people on facebook, but was quiet as a mouse in person) and apparently they have a friend who is a member of the KKK living with them now...go figure... My ex doesn't live with them though...He told me that they have talked trash about Hispanics before, so what made him think they wouldn't talk trash about me?
He swore up and down they weren't racist but that they just had big mouths and liked to start stuff but why was that so hard for him to see that they didn't like black people and were severely lacking in class and tact.. He stood up for me to an extent, but he didn't do enough. At least he wasn't the type to let his family dictate his life though. If his family gave him an ultimatum or something, I highly doubt he would have chosen them (they didn't have the best relationship in the first place). If that was me now, I'd have more than a few choice words to say to all of them... My next boyfriend will definitely be someone who has no problem protecting me and putting someone in their place!
@JaymesA This is pretty much the truth. Most of us realize that black Americans have an "image problem" and a bad reputation but most of us here are not contributing to that and unfortunately we can't make other people "act right". Some people are going to think what they want to think no matter what you do or how you act though. I know how I am perceived to some people (as inferior). I am very good at picking up on stuff like that. That's their problem though. I'm not inferior to anyone and it ticks me off when I come across people with a superiority complex. Anyways, yes I do think it has to do with perceptions of the black race because she would probably be jumping for joy if her son brought a white girl home. A lot of Asians are colorstruck. It is partially about culture, tradition, and ethnicity, but it's definitely about race too.
lol!!! Sorry if I made it sound horrible, I was feeling a little negative/ frustrated...it's not that bad...just wondering if that's a factor because it seems that way sometimes. I live in North Carolina, but it is the part of NC that I live in while I'm in school..(Greensboro)....cities like Charlotte (where my family is and where I'll probably move back to after I graduate) and Raleigh, and their surrounding areas, are better..as well as a few other, especially those with a large military presence. I actually love the south, you just have to be in the right area of the south. I do love my school, though (a lot of the students are from nearby rural towns in NC, but the school is pretty liberal and diverse...has a lot of girls and gay and metrosexual looking guys though lol).
It's just like if you try to make conversation with some guys you can tell they don't really want to talk to you like that. I've even given some compliments and they don't even act like they appreciate it or acted like it was weird that I even talked to them. I promise I wasn't being creepy! lol I guess that's their problem though. That may or may not be because of my race. Some white men, even my age, act like they're scared of bw too...we've talked about that a few times here before ..thanks media!! smh.....There are white men like that everywhere though, I suppose.....I've met people at my school who acted like they had never been outside their hometowns until they went to college. Sheesh. I didn't grow up treating people like they were from another planet just because they didn't look like me...guess because I was used to being around people of different races and having different types of friends....I hate when people act weird around me....We're all people, we just come in different colors ;-)
I don't want to exaggerate and make it seem like the majority of men here won't talk to me because I'm black lol..that's not true. I talk to white guys every day....just not romantically at the moment....though they do look at me......I just don't think it's my ideal city for interracial dating... I suppose it's not the worst place to be though...It's cool though because I'm not currently dating or really looking and I don't plan on being here for the rest of my life anyway...plus, you never know what will happen. Older wm always try to flirt with me at work but I'd rather date guys in their 20s though....
@WorldTravelingChic @NYMan @FriendsofJay
I agree, it's just that some guys can't take hints to save their lives!!! You could be staring them down and giving them the most "come hither" look and they would still act clueless....Or you could actually have a conversation, give them compliments, and flirt with them..but still, nothing....Men in general don't seem to be very good at reading women...they don't really pick up on clues unless they are super obvious....do we have to spell it out for them? lol