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@Cami2210 @MySmile @onmywayup hahahaha "troll tendencies"!!! :-D
3 weeks, 1 day ago on Everybody Ain’t “The Lovings”: Why Are Older White Men Being Judged for “Suddenly” Pursuing Black Women?
@FriendsofJay Why thank you, sir :-)
"This double standard also works to the disadvantage of black women too. WM who will only date black women who look like Beyonce because most men would agree she's overall FINE, so her blackness can be overlooked/forgiven."
Exactly!! That's upsetting...but I just try to avoid those kind of people..
" BW can be just as guilty as WM apparently"
Yep!!.I usually don't even like guys who look like male models or pretty boys, so I've never had that problem... A six pack doesn't even do much for me...Plus I'm not in tip top shape and don't expect that from a man either..but some bw feel like they have something to prove to the black community or people in general..
@sparel @MySmile Aww. You sound so busy!! I'm not about that grad school life.. Life in general has been kicking my butt..haha..but I'm trying to enjoy the ride...I should start commenting more frequently again as well...I do read the comments on the facebook posts and watch some of the videos Christelyn puts up. Even though I voice (well type) my disagreements sometimes, I enjoy much of the dialogue that goes on... This is a very dynamic group of people who have very passionate discussions. .....I'm kind of attached since I've been coming to this blog for about 3 years I think..wow, has it been that long?
3 weeks, 2 days ago on Everybody Ain’t “The Lovings”: Why Are Older White Men Being Judged for “Suddenly” Pursuing Black Women?
@DU2 @sparel @MySmile I agree with you on the mean girl behavior...I wasn't talking about that..my argument was about something else...the valid points that were being made...not the people insulting him and being bitchy for no reason.... I also do not rudely reject men I am not interested in.
@trinigirl1 @Brenda55 @DU2 @sparel @MySmile
"Mistreatment of someone just should not get a pass not matter who's doing it. It's that simple. Yep. a nice man was just disembowel in public by black women, on an IRR site no less but we have to consider the tender feelings of the women who are still holding the blood stained knives."
I am not arguing for the women who insulted Stan! He didn't deserve that...He's brave for even putting himself out there on that platform...but he didn't deserve to be dragged through the mud at all...and I agree that nobody gets a pass for mistreating others.... I was talking about the women who were simply posing questions and making valid points on related topics..
@Oaktown Paul @sparel @MySmile
"You say..."I think bw are on high alert for people telling them they should not question anything."
Yet, I do not see anyone (on this site at least) having ever said bw should not "question anything." Unless you can direct me to a post I have not seen, it appears you have chosen to exaggerate what others have said."
I was the original poster of that comment. I didn't say someone came right out and said that, but I have seen this implied several times (if you say that you think something is questionable, you are suspicious of wm in general, not ready to date interracially, you're a bw who can't keep her mouth shut, ruining it for other bw, etc)....and I'm not just talking about the blog posts, I am talking about the back and forth that goes on between the commenters.., on the blog, and especially on Facebook, where pretty much anyone can comment..
I wholeheartedly agree that some of the commenters were incredibly rude to Stan....Most people aren't arguing with that...the comment section on FB just branched off into a lot of other topics and mini arguments so that's mainly what I'm talking about..
Thank you :-). I suppose I am. I'm always surprised of the things people notice about me..especially over the internet. I think it's just because I'm a very sensitive person...and while I don't care whether people like me nearly as much as I used to, I usually try to be considerate of the feelings of others and to remain somewhat tactful...I've had my outbursts though..even here...I also try to make it so that people won't misinterpret what I'm trying to say...though that is going to happen a lot on the internet, regardless (been on both sides of that)...
I admit, because of my sensitivity, I can be dramatic and passionate , but I'm not really into vicious arguments with other women...throwing "shade", cliquish behavior, etc...That's not really me..Though everyone has their moments. While I'm not exactly the "catty" type, I get pretty upset when people act this way towards me...but it mostly just makes me uncomfortable... So I guess that partially explains why I am the way I am..
@sparel @FriendsofJay @MySmile I listen to just about everything!! Old and new..
I totally understand the points about some bw being unrealistic..as in being overweight and only wanting a man with a six pack, or only wanting to date a wm if he looks like a male model because they are still uncomfortable with the idea of being with a white man and need some excuse as to why they are doing so..That actually does bother me ..but I do think it's good to have some standards in general....Bw online love to insult other black women when they try to go against the grain and question something.,.because like I said, they feel like you're embarrassing them in front of white men or ruining their chances..
I also hate the implications that if you disagree or question anything..then that's why you're single..or you must be bitter and distrustful of everyone or you're not really into non black men...no, I've liked white guys since I was a little girl...99% of the guys I date are white and I haven't dated any black guys as an adult (past the age of 21) so dating white guys is pretty much the only real dating I know....I love white men (of course not all), I just don't agree with everything that every white man does...I know of a blogger who is happily married to a wm (and has exclusively dating wm since the 90s) used to comment here... She makes videos and says the same things we are saying...stop giving white guys passes for everything... I feel like a lot of times, when you have dated more wm, or you get used to dating them after a while...you start to give less passes, because dating white men is just seen as dating with a few extra things thrown in...I have my issues as we all do (maybe even more than the average person, I don't know) but I'm just saying you can't chalk up any disagreement as the woman being angry or hating wm... I'm getting off topic though
@trinigirl1 @Brenda55 @MySmile
I was just saying what I think part of the issue is..not that I am suspicious of everything..... I did say that sometimes what is being implied does bother me, depending on the topic...because it's true and I have made that known...I don't comment much anymore but I still enjoy some of the topics from time to time...I'm out here living my life, dating, working on myself, trying to get my life together...but I think it is important for the people who read the blogs to feel like a sense of trust in people who are giving them advice..though you can't please everyone...more understanding would be nice...again this has nothing to do with Stan though.
3 weeks, 3 days ago on Everybody Ain’t “The Lovings”: Why Are Older White Men Being Judged for “Suddenly” Pursuing Black Women?
Also, I hope that the older people here don't think that everyone is bashing them in general (we are all gonna get there..and getting older is great because honestly, there's only one alternative..)..and nobody said all older white men are creeps who deserve to die alone..People were just talking about older men with ulterior motives trying to use black women..nobody said most wm were like this..
@sparel @MySmile Aww, hey! Yes I graduated last year.. I moved to Austin, TX in August...and we broke up quite a while ago haha...like 2 and a half years ago...It's probably in one of my videos somewhere...I was without a webcam for a while too..I should start making new videos..I'm embarrassed of some of my past videos haha..I think I made most of them private..but anyways, I miss you too! We used to have good conversations on here and youtube...glad you're still here!
I really just think a lot of younger women, including myself, have their guard up a bit when it comes to older men for several reasons...It's not really about color for me...but we have to be careful not to jump to conclusions about who this man is and who he is looking for...or assuming that every man wants a younger woman..there was a lot of projecting..to each their own.
I'll also be honest and say that I also think many bw are suspicious the motives of interracial blogs and blog owners. I think bw are on high alert for people telling them they should not question anything (even when things are questionable) and be grateful a white man is even paying attention to them...because that has been implied in some of the conversations I've seen online and it bothers me sometimes too....I feel like a lot of that "You better not say anything that can mess up your chances of landing a man" can be a desperate blackistan mindset too (but I know that's not always, as there are many reasons for this )....so I think that's part of the problem..People think the blog was trying to sell them something (in this case, someone)..or persuade them to agree with certain things..
I still don't think Mr. Stan did anything wrong though..
Yeah, honestly, at first I thought this man in particular said something to warrant the angry responses (I thought he said something about only wanting younger bw or something)...so that was my fault for jumping to conclusions..maybe I am a little suspicious of much older men...but then I read the article and was like woah...he didn't say anything disrespectful, nor did he say anything about wanting a young woman....and I will say there have been a couple of men featured/ writing articles on the blog in the past who in my opinion, were disrespectful and made extremely questionable statements (one man in particular from a couple years back comes to mind)...so I thought it was one of those situations..turns out it wasn't..Just a genuine guy looking for love..
I promise you us 20 and 30 somethings don't sit around and talk about Hip hop music all day :-D hahaha but I totally get where you're coming from..
and yes everyone has feelings! I have to remind myself of that sometimes because I'm used to being the sensitive one, and seeing men as the more emotionally stable ones who can handle more...so at times I've been a little inconsiderate...Men, even the ones who seem so strong, are sensitive about certain things too....They just express it in different ways...I don't like weak willed men, but I can most certainly appreciate some sensitivity and remind myself to have respect for someone else's feelings..
@BlackCherry I thought he meant because he knew too much about the atrocities committed by white people throughout history. He has worked as a Historian. I'm not saying I agree with this as a reason for not dating someone in 2015, but I think that's what he's saying. Or maybe he just doesn't care for white women based on his own observations and experiences growing up..something along those lines..at least that's what I took from it...
@Cami2210 @Keioni "I'm surprised the feelings of young girls are being mocked like this... I'll never forget what it felt like before, and I would think this would be a safer place for that issue, but I guess old white men's feelings are top priority."
Honestly, I feel like that sometimes too.
I just didn't feel the need to comments, since I felt I had nothing to contribute....If you are going to be extremely rude (like the person who told him to go to hell..still can't get over that)...Why even comment at all? If he's not who you're looking for, that's totally fine..but why bash him? I don't most of the comments were bashing him though (or even talking about him at all..so I hope he doesn't think most of that was directed at him), just a few particularly mean ones...
My thoughts are always disorganized, so I will number them and hopefully they will make sense lol
1) A lot of women in the Facebook comment section had valid points, in my opinion... I like men a bit older..I'm 25 and have dated guys up to their early 30s...the older I get, the less it matters...but some of you already know how I feel about seriously dating men MUCH older than me (40s, 50s, and 60s) at this stage in my life...but to each their own..
2) HOWEVER, some of the stuff I saw was just plain mean and uncalled for...someone told him to go to hell..come on, now..wtf? He didn't do anything to deserve that
3) I think a white man waiting until later to date black women because of societal pressures, older white men dating younger black women in general, and only wanting to date a white man if he's a Greek God/ Adonis are three different things (wanting a younger man does not mean he has to be Greek God)..though in some ways they can be related...I don't think the last one was an issue brought up under that post (even though that's an issue that should be talked about as well)
4) That discussion needs to be had I just think it wasn't the best place/time to have it...However, it's hard to control dialogue and I get off topic a lot myself, so I can't really judge..and most comments weren't completely off topic...more like an extension of the topic..
5) I feel that some bw are quick to jump at the chance to stereotype and insult other black women who have a different opinion because they feel are making them look bad in front of white men...accusing people of being trolls, ghetto/ratchet, nothing but a black men, etc (someone always has to bring up black men when they have nothing to do with the subject).. I can understand the embarrassment sometimes...but some people were getting mad at others for simply having an opinion (most of the comments were not disrespectful)..Why can't people have an opinion?
6) I really don't think a Facebook page is the place to feature singles anyway...if I was really looking for someone, I probably wouldn't do it on Facebook, but if I did..I wouldn't want to be advertised in front of thousands of strangers who could comment anything they wanted to (especially since I'm so sensitive)..I think if you're still going to feature people, disabling comments is a good idea. Those who are interested can send you a private message.
7) This particular man said nothing about wanting a younger black woman so I don't get the accusations towards him in particular... I could see how some of the comments (Especially the "go to hell" one) could be very hurtful...Men have feelings too..
@SavageTango @MySmile Thanks for asking! They're going well..I have way too many stories to tell..not even sure where to start
4 months ago on Leona’s Love Quest: The ABC’s of Finding Love
@ole'skool Ooo great idea. I've been on a party boat before..but it wasn't to catch any fish ;-). I do want to try fishing though. She could try any water or boat activities...there are usually men around.
@Keioni Yeah trivia nights are super fun! They usually have a lot of 20 something guys though (at least at the ones I've been to in NC and Austin) and I'm not sure if that's who she's looking for. Ski club and golfing lessons sound fun too.
@SavageTango @dani-BBW @liloulilou @Leona_LoveQuest
Sexy modern Lumberjacks
@Ri74 haha see this would be the type of guy who is too pretty for me...Not sure if it's the seemingly delicate features or the popped collar...or that gray sweater (which looks very feminine on him to me)
See now, he looks like he's trying a bit too hard haha
@SavageTango @dani-BBW @liloulilou @MySmile @Leona_LoveQuest
Hey, now...Scruffy lumberjack does not equal smelly to me haha... and the hipster look can be extremely sexy on men as long as it doesn't look feminine or like they try too hard. I'm a huge fan of beards/facial hair, bed head, and some mustaches. Regardless of a man's style (hipster, plain, country boy, etc), I'm not a fan of men who are too pretty...It's funny how attraction varies so much from person to person.
@SavageTango @MySmile hahah there are already a bunch in Austin. :-D They'll fit right in :-) Some know the proper etiquette though.
@SirLoinDeBeef "Rent a tube on the Delaware (if he's not right, just float away)"
Ahaha Too funny!! :-D
"There's a lot of scruffy hipster guys in my neighborhood too. I call them urban lumberjack"
mmmm...I love the scruff. Send them over here. Bring me all of the lumberjacks. :-D
@onmywayup @MySmile @MikeMittelstadt
"I enjoy hearing from women (especially black women) having positive experiences with men, because it seems like I'm hearing a lot about how men suck these days (from all races of women tbh)."
Thank you. Honestly, I've had more than my fair share of bad experiences with men (for a variety of reasons). I've told some of my stories here..I've been hurt very deeply but I hope I never come off as bitter. I have never felt that all men are the same and try not to become jaded. I have had some good experiences too, and even if they didn't turn into anything or didn't work out in the end, I know there are great guys out there.
"It sounds like the "gentle masculinity" Christelyn referred to in her video. "
Yes, I love gentle masculinity. It is the perfect balance.
4 months ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
Yep. He totally gets it in that way. He's somewhat dominant, yet gentle. He never expects me to be manly or hard...quite the opposite (carries my bags, pretty much pays for everything when we're together, does handy work, has helped me with my car) We definitely have feelings for each other but I'm not sure what's going to happen...We met through a mutual friend a few months ago and really hit it off...but I moved halfway across the country... Gotta live my life. He just came to visit me & one of his guy friends from college though :-). We spent a lot of time together. We'll see what happens...trying to take it one day at a time...anywaysss I'm getting off topic. Sorry haha
Anyways, I totally agree. Strength can be feminine and beautiful, but not the type of strength people try to force on black women...
Let me also add that this guy mentioned nothing about me being black and it was obviously not a racial conversation..that helps too..
and this guy has done a bajillion things for me that proves he thinks of me as anything but a "strong black woman" :-).
"what bothers me is when I get called a strong black woman and he doesn't even know my story. I've been on dates with guys that describe me as a strong black woman with me even having to open up my mouth.."
Exactly. This is one of my biggest problems with this stereotype. I honestly haven't gotten called a strong black woman a lot... (I actually get called soft spoken, bubbly, or sweet more..I have a feisty side though ;-) sometimes I get that I'm sensitive and/ or moody too..)...but a guy obviously doesn't know me if he comes at me with that strong black woman bs. While I'm not a quitter, and like to think of myself of a "fighter"/ "survivor"..the non violent/ non angry kind....I cry at the drop of a dime, I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic, I adore floral patterns, I still sleep with stuffed animals, and I want to cuddle all the time!! hahaha so obviously, if a man says this to me he doesn't know me as an individual...or he refuses to see me for who I really am instead of the stereotype he wants me to be...
"strong and feminine don't have to be mutually exclusive"
I see your point. Believe it or not, I've actually been told I was a strong, feminine woman by a guy I know. (white guy). However, he said this as he was holding and comforting me (I was crying) and as a pick me up...not a way to brush off my emotions or tell me to suck it up..plus he added the word feminine in there (so he gets infinite points for that)..I feel that my strength is wrapped in my sensitivity and determination. However, many people do not use the word strong towards black women in the proper context (in my personal opinion)...They're usually just saying things based on stereotypes..
"But it's not about not being strong. It's about not ONLY being strong. :)"
Exactly. Again, I think this is what offends most black women...the implication that strong is all you are and all you can be..and that "strength" means not being allowed to be vulnerable or soft. Black women are complex beings like everyone else...
I agree about the flowers. I wear a flower in my hair pretty much every day during the spring and summer. It's my "thing"..I have so many different colors and get compliments on them all the time, from men and women. I've even gotten some nicknames because of it. Haha flowers are beautiful and most times they make a girl look warm and friendly. It's a good way to express myself and stand out! I also wear lots of skirts and dresses..often vintage inspired..& I love floral patterns in general. Half of the clothing I own has flowers on it.haha mild obsession. If flowers are not your style, it's totally fine but if you think it would fit you then go for it! It's an easy way to get a softer look.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on QOTW: “Men Stare, But Don’t Make a Move. What Gives?”
Aww thank you! That really made me smile. Honestly I'm still a mess myself so I can only give so many tips, but I'm trying to improve my life and work on myself.. I'm glad that sharing my experiences can help others.
I think its a good idea to look into places that are more interracial friendly. Some say Austin is segregated (but most cities are..mostly based on socioeconomic categories.. and where I live there's a bit of a mix) but really there aren't a whole bunch of black people here in general (I guess compared to some other cities..and compared to the size of the population in general... there are definitely black people here though so I dint really understand what other people are talking about). It isn't important for me to be somewhere with lots of black people but is important to be somewhere I generally feel accepted. I like Austin because I don't feel unwelcome no matter how white the place is.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on Letter: White Men are Catching a Clue…
Caleb Followill! <3 *long, deep sigh* That voice, the scruffiness, the raw passionate emotion...I just saw Kings of Leon in concert a few weeks ago and I love him now more than ever.
@Bren82 :-/ That makes me kind of sad. I wonder if he knew he was giving you the death stare...
@onmywayup @MySmile @Naomi2 @Leona_LoveQuest You should most certainly consider! Of course you should research and make sure it would be a good fit for you, but I love it here. Most people love it here and don't have many bad things to say about it, besides the hot weather and traffic. Neither were dealbreakers for me though!
"Maybe it's location? Since I've moved to central/southwest Texas..
People here are pretty friendly and will smile. Obviously, you smile at
some men and you get a blank stare, but that's ok."
I think a large part of it is location. I live in Central/North Texas now (Austin) and I love it...so do other black girls I know. Men here are rather open and friendly in general but if they think you're cute, they are pretty flirty... My friend (who lives in San Antonio) and I were in downtown Austin and I was surprised with how open men were with their attraction..bouncers at clubs, random guys downtown, etc. ..and just how friendly they were in general...Two black girls in a city without a lot of black people only makes us more unique...We do smile and laugh a lot though so I'm sure that makes it better for us. You will always come across those who are closed off for whatever reason, but as long as they aren't in the majority I can deal. I love this city..The best way I can describe it is California (lots of people here from Cali) mixed with Seattle and Portland mixed with the South ..a unique blend.
I used to live in North Carolina, and the areas I lived in were not very good places for bw/ wm. There seemed to be a lot of self segregation and general racial tension. I managed to have a bit of a dating life (through friends, school, work, online, and just being flirty), but barely....I didn't have nearly as many options... I've been on more dates in a month here than I had in the past few years before I moved here. I'm not sure I want a serious relationship anytime soon (I just got here and I'm trying to get my own life together), but I'm having fun meeting new people. It's nice to know that people want you. Sometimes men in NC seemed as if they were trying to avoid black
women..or if you didn't know them really well and you smile at them or
say much of anything they'd act weird about it...just cold and aloof...and many just seemed straight up mean, like they wanted nothing to do with black women or people in general. I don't ask men out, so I wasn't aggressively hitting on them, but most weren't into friendly flirting at all... Honestly, that hurt my feelings. They say you shouldn't seek validation from people, but when a large portion of people around you act like you have a disease because of your skin color, it starts to take a toll. At this point, you couldn't pay me to go back and live in some of the
places I've lived. Here I feel more like a pretty girl who happens to be
black..not like a defective alien.. It's a great
feeling and has been really good for my self esteem.
So while smiling certainly helps, some of y'all need to change your location if you can... because interracial dating truly sucks in some places!
" learn that black women are not all nbabm (nothing-but-a-black-man) boogeymen."
Honestly, I think some white men think black women in general are the boogeyman and it's a huge turn off. I am not going to punch a guy in the face or loudly reject him if he tries to talk to me..even if I'm not interested in that particular man. I don't want to date someone who is scared of me for no good reason.
" Courage is not the absence of fear but going for what you want despite the fear."
Exactly. This is why I don't buy being shy as a reason for a man not to approach. A lot of guys get nervous but will still make a move and go after who they want. There's no excuse, especially if they have had multiple opportunities. I just assume they're either not that into me or dating them would mean I'd have to do all the work....and I'm not here for that...
@Aleah2015 I found this letter pretty insulting as well..not the simple fact that men approach more when women are approachable because that's true... but all the extra stuff.It was totally unnecessary and made the letter writer seem full of excuses for not approaching black women. He allowed one or a few black women to shape his opinion on all of us.
I've haven't been to California in a long time....but this attitude does seem rather widespread among white men in general. I'm not sure if it's most but it's common enough to notice. I hear way more good things about California than other places though..but I'm sure it can also depend on where you live in the state, or city, too. I live in Austin, TX and it's way better than the other places I've lived...which were all in the southeast. A lot of men here are friendly and open...of course you will always find some white men with superiority complexes wherever you go in the USA, though. Some seem to go out of their way to avoid black women and black people in general. Good old 'Murica.
@jazzyfae45 "I'm seeing plenty of white guys have no
problems telling us what we should do, but not enough men willing to
meet us half way. And I just don't have very little patience for it at
Same here...especially when there are other white men and non black men who are willing to meet us halfway or even go the extra mile. I smile a lot, but getting a guy to approach me, or at least be receptive to me, should not be like pulling teeth. Their loss.
@Aleah2015 "Im sorry but all White males aren't a bowl of sunshine themselves and
many project an aloof/snooty/superiority attitude towards people of
Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with this even as someone who has dated more than her fair share of white men and has met lots of them who aren't like this. I never let that shape my opinion of all white males, but it is still something I have experienced more than I would have liked to. I am very observant when it comes to human interaction and easily pick up on these things. It stinks and I have little tolerance for it. Then again it also depends on where you live but I will get into that elsewhere.
I think there is a huge misconception in the black community that the only white men who will date a bw are the "down" types..far from true... I'm so glad that's not true. However, I can see how him having at least one black friend or a diverse circle of friends may be reassuring if she's new to interracial dating.
5 months, 1 week ago on QOTW: “Should I Worry If the White Guy Macking On Me Has No Black Friends?”
@The Working Home Keeper @FriendsofJay
Yeah I'm pretty indecisive too (& am a chronic overthinker). A lot of guys don't mind it though. That is their opportunity to take the lead. If they're assertive and decisive, we should have few problems. It usually only becomes a problem when there are two indecisive overthinkers together.
@onmywayup @MySmile @RhondaSpeights @caligirl94117 @BreannaNouveaux
Yeah it's weird how attraction works. No, I've actually never performed with any of the guys I've dated but I have played/sung with them in private and had them teach me a thing or two. I would love to perform with a future boyfriend or husband though!
5 months, 1 week ago on And We Wonder Why More Non-Black Men Don’t Approach Us?
@SavageTango @MySmile @jazzyfae45 @bellechose Haha that's ok because I haven't posted much since my move anyway. It's been hectic. It's actually going really well. I love this city. It's a beautiful place with so much to do.. I love the creative culture and the people in this city. Thank you for asking! :-)
5 months, 1 week ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?
@jazzyfae45 @MySmile @bellechose
Thank you! I really like it here. I feel like I made the right decision. There are a lot of fun free things to do..Loads of single 20 somethings....lots of musicians and guys with beards :-D..so much natural beauty (lakes, hills, rivers)...It's a quirky, unique city......and again, a great place for black women who date non black men. It's just an amazing place so far...perfect for me. People actually seem to be living, instead of simply existing. We will see how it goes, but right now, I feel like I am where I belong.
5 months, 2 weeks ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?
@Daisy_inthe_Field @MySmile Aww thank you. :-D