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@jazzyfae45  

" when black women are open and receptive, nice, stays in shape, smart, and smiles we are a force to be reckoned with"

This is so true! It's not like you have to be perfect either..but radiating good energy is important... I am constantly, pleasantly surprised with how many men have been hitting on me lately (I've been going out a lot)...and especially since I grew up with low self esteem and after a number of bad experiences I found myself with a negative outlook towards dating...but I'm trying to put that all behind me...I'm 24 so these are valuable years to get dating experience...I need to put my best foot forward!


I will probably explain this more in detail, but I have quite a few white friends and acquaintances..and there is one girl (ww) who has made her jealousy clear (at least she was open with it..and I have been open with her as well....we are not enemies but I'm still trying to figure her out..trying to see if it's "healthy jealousy/competition" or she's going to try to sabotage). She seems to think I'm a man magnet because I have been getting quite a bit of attention when we go out..and sometimes when we go to get togethers with people we already know. Even if nothing comes of it, it's nice to flirt a little.

 I think she's surprised when I get more attention than her. I am usually the only black girl or one out of a few black girls.....and always the only one with a fro and a flower in the group (I wear colorful flowers pretty much every day in the spring/summer; it's my "thing"). Well, when we go out her attitude towards almost every man is "ewww" and stand offish, while I'm smiling, laughing and having fun,...and if someone creepy or someone I'm not attracted to tries to hit on me, I politely turn them down (sometimes I need to be more aggressive though). I will also still dance with a guy I'm not attracted to (I'm just having a good time!!) Sure, there are legitimate reasons why one may be annoyed or upset, but no guy wants to approach a girl who is pouting the whole night or has a crappy attitude.

5 days, 16 hours ago on Buzzfeed Does Creative Video On Who’s Most Interested in Interracial Dating. What’s Your Take?

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@London Calling  

You are so right, this is a self fulfililng prophecy... it is so true!! When I go out feeling fabulous, cute, and rocking my fro and my flower I attract a lot more people than when I'm sulking or feeling self conscious....When you feel beautiful, and have that "Come hither" look in your eyes, they can't resist! Haha of course I encounter men who seem unsure about liking a bw...or don't seem to be into bw....but that's their loss! A lot of the time they think you are beautiful but they let society dictate their dating life...like I said, too bad for them...


Black women look different from other women and we should use that to our advantage!! Like I mentioned above, I get attention being the only black girl in my group, and one of a few black girls in predominately white places.... My skin, hair, flower, etc all makes me stand out. If you smile, your results will be even better! I hope other bw realize this.

"So what that a bunch of guys choose black girls last...and who the fuck are they anyway? Did your husband and boyfriend choose you last? Ok then...girl bye with this last chosen nonsense...What do black women need to feel sad about?from my experience EVERYONE likes black women "

LOL I love this. No nonsense and straight to the point. Even if you don't have a bf or husband (I don't), there are men who will choose you first and not last!!


"I hate to say it but a lot of white women like to push this notion that it is abnormal to like black women, unenlightened people who can not realise that black woman are WOMEN think this way"

After seeing me and this guy flirt at a party, a girl said to me "I knew something was up with him, he likes black girls"...Idk if she meant to say it like it was a disease..or trying to write it off as a fetish...or just saying she could tell he was open ...but it rubbed me the wrong way....He wasn't even a "wigger" or anything...I responded by saying "some guys just like girls" lol

5 days, 15 hours ago on Buzzfeed Does Creative Video On Who’s Most Interested in Interracial Dating. What’s Your Take?

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@MackenzieJones @KawaiiCutie  

I'll admit that I've even been through my own period of jealousy because a guy I used to see has an Asian gf now...and AW/WM is really common...but really it was moreso about that particular man who hurt me, so I'm trying not to be bitter. Now that more wm are dating women of color in general, I can see even more of this competition and jealousy between Black, Asian, and Latina women in the future....but it shouldn't really be a competition..there are a bajillion wm in the US...and all white men are not even worth dating or getting jealous over...

5 days, 16 hours ago on Buzzfeed Does Creative Video On Who’s Most Interested in Interracial Dating. What’s Your Take?

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@MackenzieJones @KawaiiCutie  

"most of the questionable stares come from Asian women. Wow!"

Kind of surprising to me, but really, when you think about it, it shouldn't be....For a long time, Asian women were the only group that wm regularly dated besides white women...Asian women had wm on lock lol....and a lot of Asian women only date white men....so now, Asian women probably feel like we are taking "their men" too lol..

5 days, 16 hours ago on Buzzfeed Does Creative Video On Who’s Most Interested in Interracial Dating. What’s Your Take?

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Again I know this is fake but I know some ww feel this way, especially white feminists..but the thing that trips me out is that if a woman is such a hardcore feminist..why is she that concerned with men who don't want her? lol I mean women can be whatever they want to be but realize there are going to be some people who are not going to like it...and men typically don't like hardcore feminists...not for a relationship anyway. On the other hand, though..some men are just on a complete power trip and want someone with pretty much no backbone....I've fallen into that trap before because I am bubbly, silly, and smiley..and sometimes shy...to some I can initially can come off as meek, naive, innocent, gullible, etc...and honestly, sometimes, I am those things...but when I do stick up for myself those types of men are turned off...That's why I'd rather have a guy who is a leader and assertive rather than completely controlling and/or disrespectful..trying to make sure I can tell the difference for future references...Some dominance is good, but caring about another person's feelings and respecting their boundaries is also important..

Thing that annoys me most is the idea that white men belong to white women. White men are individuals who choose who they want to date. It is very similar to the sense of entitlement black men have when it comes to black women, whether they know the woman personally or not. This whole idea of "come back home because s/he can't do it like we can and you're supposed to uphold the status quo and only date us" is annoying, to say the least. People have this idea that you "belong" with someone of your own race..or that you are natural partners...no...you belong with who you feel comfortable with and where there is mutual love and respect


Once I get over this (hopefully short) somewhat bitter phase described below I think I will be fine..I'm nice to most people (unless they give me a reason not to be)..I don't treat Asian people differently but I hate that deep down I'm a little distrustful of them because the way many act towards black people but then again there are plenty of white people who don't care for black people too.. it's just more subtle... but I am not exposed to Asians as much as other groups...so I also hope to have more positive experiences....

1 week, 6 days ago on White Feminist Pretending To Be “Concerned” for Asian Women Marrying White Men…Yeah Right!

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I also know that some white women can be very nasty when it comes to any woman of color dating white men period, so I feel some Asian women's pain in that regard....I have white girlfriends and most don't seem to have a problem with it. This one girl in particular thinks I'm a man magnet and I can tell she gets a little jealous when we go bar hopping or a party and I'm flirting with wm and they're flirting with me..but she doesn't try to sabotage and she's honest about her jealousy at least. ..one guy was a random lawyer and one other guy was just a cute/ cool guy that a lot of them probably liked...that night she was jealous and I also think some other black girls there were too by the looks on their faces (I know they like wm too). and some white girls in our circle will watch the guys they like around me even if I'm not trying to flirt with them. :-/ Funny but also kind of annoying...


Anyways, all that concern trolling was unnecessary, but for women, period, we hate to constantly be compared to other women...so for men in general to go on about how awesome, thin, and submissive Asian women has the possibility to make the rest of us roll our eyes or feel inadequate...like they can do no wrong....but white women are going to have to get used to not being put on a pedestal as much because things are slowly changing. Not to say there aren't lovely white women out there, but they need to know that they're gonna have to bring more to the table than just being white...because there are many beautiful women of color who are the total package and they're starting to get more recognition...I still think that post was out of line though...fake or not. They could have made the same post without all the hatefulness because it is a subject worth being explored...

2 weeks ago on White Feminist Pretending To Be “Concerned” for Asian Women Marrying White Men…Yeah Right!

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I know I'm late to the party, but I am a regular reader of thought catalog so I saw this a while ago. I know they were trolling but this was just unnecessary, hateful and reeked of entitlement. However, let me just say that what (s)he's saying does happen in real life.

Some Asian women will do anything to be with a white man...because they praise whiteness in their culture. Some of them will just be with any white man...sloppy, crusty, borderline racist, etc....While some white guys think they are so cultured because they can say a few words in Japanese and play a few video games made by Asians..


Honestly, maybe I am bitter and jealous because this guy I don't talk to anymore but still have feelings for is now with an Asian girl (international student)...It stings. but he was a jerk anyway so she probably has to fit the "extremely submissive" stereotype to put up with him. Every time I see them she's attached to his arm like her life depends on it and he's just walking with his chest poked out, smirking (smiling?) at me. Girl already met his family across the country and everything (after like a month of dating!!). Pretty sure he doesn't know hardly anything about her culture and barely respects it..just based on the way he acts in general...but who knows? I was kind of submissive with him and loved his dominance and him taking the lead but it was even too much for me...to the point of being rude sometimes....so I had to stand up for myself sometimes and I don't think he liked that very much. The circumstances surrounding the relationship weren't the best anyway though (told this story in another post) so idk if it had anything to do with me being black...but I can't help but wonder if he didn't see me as "serious/ long term girlfriend material" because of that (though he had been a relationship with a black girl before..idk how serious it was) and it makes me sad and question myself sometimes even though it shouldn't...It also stings to know that some of these wm who date Asian women wouldn't touch a black woman with a 10 foot pole but then again it is their decision and/ or loss and I try not to focus on people who don't want anything to do with me. I have to remind myself I don't need their validation or approval...and some men just like all women or are into women of color so they'd date me as well as an Asian girl...

I did notice all this about Asian women and white men before this even happened to me...this just made it worse. I'm trying to pick my heart up off the floor and regain my confidence again after the situation. Most of the times I'm really not that worried about other people's relationships, and I'm supportive...especially when I feel good about myself and my own life. I'm not really a jealous person now like I used to be...I'm mostly focused on my own life and being the best me I can be, but recently, I backslid.

 Of course, not all Asian women will just get with any white guy though...I know people can say the same about bw too so I try not to jump to conclusions..though it is hard sometimes, especially with me now having a bad/ painful experience with it..just being honest here; noone throw stones at me please...Honestly I don't really have Asian women friends though so maybe that's where the disconnect comes from. I have a few acquaintances though...but it's also knowing that a lot of Asian people don't like black people and kiss white people's a** that makes me reluctant to stick up for them unless I know them personally...is that wrong? 


2 weeks ago on White Feminist Pretending To Be “Concerned” for Asian Women Marrying White Men…Yeah Right!

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Thank you! It was a pretty juicy story. More like a drama with some comedy thrown in. Now I want to hear your story! I'm trying to put this situation in the past as well but it's easier said than done. My heart sank when I saw him with his girlfriend..and he was kind of a jerk too so that made it even worse. He's one of those people who are good to look at and flirt with, but not for an actual relationship. Anyways, I'm glad you like my avatar! Penguins are my favorite animals!

2 weeks, 6 days ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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I wasn't even that interested or attracted to my boss though I was just being a flirt...bad habit but I've been trying to stop leading guys on.. getting better at it. But even so he was married..also that was a retail job..if you are in the corporate world it's even more risky but I know there are people who have met their spouses at work

2 weeks, 6 days ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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Wow that was interesting! He was really bold!. He sat you on his lap?!! Sometimes things like that fill you with regret but I honestly don't blame you for not making the first move. I think that is an even more risky situation than my teacher situation I described below. Then again I don't blame him for not making the first move either because that is a humongous risk for him...it could just be awkward, or he could be gossiped about, lose his job, or even get a sexual harrassment charge. This type of thing happens more than people think though..one of my ex coworkers (ww) had a secret relationship with one of our managers and ended up marrying the guy! They married after she left the company though. It's good advice for a woman who wants to make the first move to be subtle about it.I don't make it too obvious until I have a good feeling they like me. I will hint that I like them but...even then I don't ask guys out or come on too strong. Though again, those forbidden situations are difficult and a woman would probably have to make the first move after he shows interest. I actually had a manager who had a crush on me too..except he was married...he was half black half Asian..(product of a bw/am swirl..I mostly like white men though)..he used to tell me things like I reminded him of his wife when she was younger! At times it was kind of weird but sometimes I was receptive to his flirting..I won't lie...but I knew it wasn't going to get too far.. What's up with me and all these forbidden guys? I promise I don't do it on purpose!

2 weeks, 6 days ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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@Dandelion100 @MySmileand for the record, I did get an A in the class :-P I mean not just because he liked me though lol...Also, I didn't know who was going to be teaching the piano class I have now until the last minute. But he's not that close with my former teacher where he would know his business...plus I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have told him because, well, that looks bad on his part too...probably worse for him than for me

2 weeks, 6 days ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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Some non black people do number 5, and especially number 4, regardless of how the black person looks or acts, though...because of stereotypes and general fear of the unknown. I hate when people act like they are scared of me for no good reason!! I've had people get too apologetic if they step on my shoe or bump into me like I'm going to knock them out or something...please! When they say sorry I usually just smile or laugh and say it's okay or you're good! The funny part is that I'm also that super apologetic person to other people, regardless of race (it's a good and bad habit) and I'm not going to go off on someone for something like that. That is so far from who I am. I agree that sometimes it can be the person's fault, but this is not always the case. I could be humming along like I'm starring in a Disney movie while wearing a pink dress with pretty flowers and some people would still be scared haha....Most non black people who actually know me, though, know that I am not going to snap on them for the slightest things. I've had white female friends who are more assertive and aggressive than me...but truth is, many people put you in that angry black woman category before you even know it.Although I smile a lot, I can't smile 24 hours a day so people won't be scared...I'm not scary!! At all. I suppose I do look slightly intimidating at the gym though ;-)

3 weeks ago on Recognize Yourself? Five Signs You Are An Angry Black Woman

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@Dandelion100 @MySmile  

Ok, okay..since you asked lol. This is the condensed version of the story because it really is a longggg story. It was my piano teacher last semester. I take music classes in addition to my major and minor. He was 26, getting his doctorate, and very passionate about piano, among other things... He was also tall and good looking...that certainly helped lol. I think some of the other girls liked him too....


There were obvious and subtle signs he liked me...at least they were obvious to me...but here are some of them:


-He would call me by my first and last name  (for some reason, guys tend to do this to me when they like me..)

-When it was time for exams, he came up to me and  assigned me the first exam time haha..and I wasn't even seated in the front of the class!!!


-He called me up to the board a lot


-He would look at my legs when I wore skirts/dresses, or shorts..which was a lot


-I told him I saw him at the food lion close to campus, and he was like "The attractive guy buying chicken and beer?" lol flirting...


-He playfully tapped me on the arm when I was walking from class and said "bye (insert my full name here)" If a guy playfully taps, nudges, or purposely touches you when it's not necessary, most times he likes you.


-He didn't make me wear my headphones when practicing in class (because of my fro plus they would always fall off of my ears) and made everyone else wear theirs lol


-He patted my fro a couple of times when helping me adjust my headphones haha.

-If I needed help with something he was very enthusiastic about helping me ("If you need any help at all don't hesitate to ask me")


-He asked me if I was in my last year (trying to see how old I was. I'm 24 and yes, I am in my last year finally) and after an exam (our exams were one on one) he made conversation with me and asked what I thought about the government shutdown


-One time, in class he was saying how he liked black girls hair because it was different and mentioned a black girl he used to date..then I was really like hmmmmmm ok we're getting warmer here. I think a big part of bw seeming clueless is not knowing if a non black man is open to dating black women, unfortunately....if you figure that out at the beginning it's a bit easier...


Anyways...


So I sent him an "anonymous" email from a non school account...telling him about how I had a huge crush on him and just had to get it off my chest. I was hoping I was right and that he liked me too. I felt so weird and crazy doing that, but I knew he couldn't do it because of the circumstances...and I knew he was a really laid back and funny guy..not uptight..The guy came to class with a bed head and plaid shirts...so I knew I wouldn't get in trouble for it.. Plus he was a grad student, only 2/3 years older than me, and music is not my major (should have been though!) or my minor, so I knew I wouldn't need to take his class again...He said it's probably against the rules, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel the same way, gave me his number, asked for mine, and he made plans to meet with me the next day. We hung out a few times...went to get food, coffee, and stuff like that. He was protective, VERY assertive , etc and that was another reason I fell for him. He was pretty smooth if I must say so myself...and extremely passionate in some ways...musicians tend to be...


Over time, the fact that I was his student ( I got upset with him once, he could tell in class, and I think he distanced himself because he thought I was going to try to mess up his career..I wasn't going to!! He tried to create a distance and be more professional eventually), combined with the fact that he really was extremely busy (though he did try to make some time, I was kind of needy at that point in my life) and he had some real jerk tendencies..ruined it....but I won't lie I don't still like him or that it's not a good story to tell.. The circumstances kind of  made it harder for us....Should have known that wouldn't turn out well but I don't necessarily regret it. Still kind of sad over it though..I'm still not exactly sure why we stopped talking but I have some ideas. I've asked myself a million questions about it. Maybe it's because I wouldn't go all the way with him? Idk I was also talking to someone else at the time so maybe he thought I didn't like him as much? :-/ I'm not sure, sometimes I blame myself, but though he had a sweet side, he was kind of a jerk too... I'm pretty sure he was like that to women regardless of race...He kept saying "wait til the end of the semester" but we stopped talking like that before then...though he still made conversation with me like asking me about my thanksgiving and to tell me to feel free if I need help with anything.  

He has a girlfriend now :-( Another grad student..Asian girl... When I pass him in the hallway, he always has this smirk on his face....I'm taking a second piano class with another grad student who is friends with him!! lol but I don't think he knows about our "rendezvue" lol...let's hope not? like I said this is the short version. haha so you know the story is long. I'm still pretty hurt over it, but that's life I suppose. I hope this story didn't just make me seem like a fool lol...maybe I was a bit naive..


I still find myself surprised when I figure out I was right about certain guys liking me though..

3 weeks ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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@NicoleLittle @MySmile 

No, I understand you. Same here. I had the most tumultuous relationship with my parents from about the age of 13/14 through 21.. It's sad that some parents don't know that adolescence is when girls (and children in general) need even more guidance and emotional support.

3 weeks, 1 day ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@NicoleLittle @MySmile 

YES. Same here. My dad wasn't in the military but is from a military family...He was almost went to the military though. His dad was in the air force (but was actually pretty calm). I'm starting to notice this trend more.... While some military men or men who grew up in military families look good on paper (providers, active role in their children's lives, etc)  they often treat their children like soldiers and it borders on emotional abuse...They have a strict list of orders/demands and yell a lot. Of course this is not all dads who were in or associated with the military but I've heard it enough times and it definitely seems like a factor.

3 weeks, 1 day ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@500and50  

Awww. poetry is sweet as long as you eventually talk to the girl as well and aren't hiding behind that. I'm glad she was receptive because some girls would think that is creepy. I like it though!! I can't say I wouldn't be surprised because most guys don't do stuff like that...I've only had one guy (white guy) write me a poem..and that was in 9th grade :-)

3 weeks, 1 day ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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While this situation seems obvious if you have dated at least a few non black men, some guys are extremely subtle about their interest!! I mean it's kind of cute and the mystery can be fun and exciting, but eventually it gets frustrating because I over analyze everything and I want to know...

There's this guy in one of my classes who looks at me sometimes. I also see him at the gym and he looks at me then too lol...but not for a really long time...I'm not sure if he was thinking "is that the same girl from my class?", "I like her shirt", or he thinks I'm cute or something...there could be a bunch or reasons why people look. At the end of class, there have been a couple of times where we were trying to go the same way and he was like "sorry, you go ahead" really apologetically and enthusiastically and smile. I just smiled/ laughed and said "it's ok, thank you." and go in front of him.... Another time I was walking behind him (but not that close behind) and he held the door open for me until I got there and I smiled and said thank you (but plenty of guys have done this!)...I want to smile at him more but I don't want to be creepy haha. This situation doesn't frustrate me though because It hasn't been that long and I don't expect a guy to come up and ask me out after only seeing me in class and at the gym and not interacting much.... we'll see...or maybe we won't lol. It's not a big deal. I just wanted to use this as an example of how sometimes it's hard to be sure, especially if it's a guy you don't actually speak to, but who looks at you.


I've had guys tell me things like I smell good (kinda flirty) and they like my band t-shirt that I was wearing at the gym (who knows with that one?).... I'm actually pretty good at flirting and picking up on if a guy is interested..I've been right about quite a few guys liking me just by their looks, body language, and subtle actions, including my ex (who I met at work..so you can't be too obvious initially) and my Grad student teacher last semester (scandalous, I know lol..long story)..but I don't really make my interest too obvious until I have a good feeling they like me too because I hate being wrong about that stuff and embarrassing myself...and I don't want to come off as desperate

3 weeks, 1 day ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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@SirLoinDeBeef  

I enjoy reading up on things like this ..helps one discover more about themselves... I also found this: 

"Kids from authoritarian families may be relatively well-behaved. But they also tend to be less resourceful, have poorer social skills, and lower self esteem"

3 weeks, 1 day ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@NeicyRodri @Chicago404  

" Although I might not call it that, compared to many other black kids, my upbringing might be considered "posh" . I knew my dad, my parents were married, lived together, owned their own home and seemed to have decent jobs. I was very bright and went to the best schools. When people, even extended family, looked at my family they might think they were looking at a "good" black family.

But no one knew that my mother was born to a poor teen mom and a completely absent father and had serious relationship issues with my father."

Wow I can relate...Right down to my mom being born to a poor single mom and absent father.. I think her upbringing affected the way she rasied us too....

"Unfortunately, there are many black families fronting like the Cosbys and the Banks, when they are really living  Precious and Good Times lifestyles. Lots of middle class and upper middle class black women, like my mother, seek to maintain that perfect picture of "black love" or the image of having it all together in public, and will live out all sorts of craziness in private..when one looks closely at the "lucky" few black women who manage to get some commitment from so called "good" men they are usually dealing with men with some serious dysfunction and it manifests in other areas of their life--including how they treat their children.."

YES. all of this. This type of thing breeds resentment. My mom would try to rationalize my dad's anger management issues by saying "but you know your dad loves you"....actions speak louder than words. Other black kids would make it seem like our lives were so perfect sometimes...


3 weeks, 1 day ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@NicoleLittle @MySmile@500and50  

It's a difficult subject... This is personal and I don't like talking about it a lot but my mom was actually going to terminate her pregnancy with me because at the time they weren't ready for another child and couldn't afford one (I have a sister who is a year and a half older than me). I'm glad I'm here, but a lot of people, ESPECIALLY black people, didn't truly want children or they at least didn't want as many children as they ended up having..and it shows!! It's sad. There are other options...instead of resenting your children and making them feel like a burden...and even if the parents want to keep their children, there are more proactive decisions they could make, such as taking anger management classes and seeking counseling.

" They use their child as a stress reliever."

So true. This one really hits home. This it what happened to me. I don't want to act like I had the worst childhood ever, because my early childhood was actually pretty good (we had a lot of fun; I was a daddy's girl and my parents seemed a lot happier and more loving then) ..My dad was always pretty strict, but it was when I became an adolescent that it took a turn for the worse. My dad had high powered jobs and always seemed angry and stressed. It was like we could never do anything right. My family life looked good, on paper...2 parents, middle class....It feels weird even admitting that there were some forms of abuse going on...Slapping isn't automatically abuse but I wanted to mention that in the long list of behaviors that black people use way too much or to humiliate and degrade their children...and it could come from an abusive mindset, along with beatings..didn't work..just made me want to be rebellious...I believe in disciplining my future children, but I will try other forms of discipline before physical punishment.. I think I will just stick with spankings with the hand as a last resort...and stop doing it after a certain age. I would really like to create a healthy, loving environment for them. I would never want them to feel the way I did sometimes.

I still find myself trying to rationalize my upbringing ("Well, I was talking back..or I was a really difficult teenager")  sometimes or minimize it (even now I feel the need to point out that I don't feel that the intentions of the headlock/ chokehold/ strangling was to kill me because it wasn't so hard it was suffocating me)...but sometimes I just have to face it and realize that is inappropriate in any form..especially when done by a grown man who is a lot taller and stronger.....sometimes I don't want to seem overly dramatic but the more I grow, the more I realize what abuse really is...and it's not just punching your child in the face or calling them a b*tch..it comes in many forms...and it's emotionally damaging...soul crushing almost. A lot of anger and stress was taken out on us. I have a better relationship with my parents now, as they have calmed down a bit with age, and especially since I don't live there..but it's still not the best....I have never fully confronted them for it and I still have not forgiven them all the way for it. I'm with you, I'm still going through emotional problems with it too...and unhealthy relationship with parents is often a domino effect..I have been in other abusive (verbal, emotional, a little physical) and unhealthy relationships and have had to deal with the fall out from those...as well as growing up with low self esteem...

3 weeks, 1 day ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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Nine times out of ten, if a heterosexual guy tells you you have pretty eyes, he's hitting on you....actually, make that ten times out of ten. lol

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Lesson: Black Chicks Need to Know When Non-Black Men are Hitting on Them!

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@lips44256 @Alexcee7@darkandlovelyWoah...I teared up reading that. No child deserves to go through that....I am sending you love as well. I'm so glad you got out of there and hope you have healed or are in the process of healing from all that you've been through.

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@SirLoinDeBeef This is definitely the kind of parenting I had and it still makes me sad sometimes...

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@NicoleLittle @500and50 

I was also verbally abused to a degree by both parents as a child....it's not as easy to recognize as some may think...I wasn't called a b*tch or a hoe or dumb..but the name calling (brats, annoying), insults disguised as jokes, belittling, writing off my emotions after said verbal abuse ("you're too sensitive"), telling me I'm a burden and they can't wait until I move out, threats, comparisons to other people's children, comments about my weight, body..snide remarks about my hair and eating habits...making a mockery of me and my emotions....it was all too much...my parents were always critical of me growing up...It was always "why didn't you do this?" "Why didn't you do that?"...even over the littlest things..

When I come home I still face criticism from time to time..whether it's my life choices or outer appearance..... I've  been told I have demons in me and things to that effect by mom..wtf kind of stuff is that to say to your children?

Though I experienced physical abuse on occasion (slapping, being beat way too hard with belts that left marks and and sometimes small cuts....being put in a chokehold and strangled once...), verbal abuse can certainly leave a more lasting effect

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@toichennell  

"I love when people use that "spare the rod, spoil the child" or "honor thy father and thy mother" as a defense to their shoddy behavior. I'm quick to tell your ridiculous self "The good book also says, 'Parents, provoke not your children to wrath.' What do you think you're doing when you slap the taste out of your kid's mouth instead of speaking to them like a human being?"

Yes!! All of this..I heard those stupid sayings so much growing up..especially "honor thy father and thy mother". That was just an excuse to shut me down anytime I tried to voice my opinions or stand up for myself..it's very dismissive..

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@chocolateadmiral @Swirlgirl28@mystikspiral 

Yes, parents definitely take their anger out on their children..especially a lot of black parents

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@mystikspiral "I think that many of the people who were beaten as children and think they turned out just fine are probably not all that great by most measures.. Just look at how low the bar is set"

Sooo true. I hate when people think that just because they're not dead or in jail they turned out fine. They may be seem okay on paper, but many are an emotionally wreck and are dysfunctional in other areas of life. You could graduate Harvard with a 4.0 and no children and still be emotionally damaged.

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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@SwirlQueen  

" I grew up with the threats "I'ma break your neck, or I'll lay you to rest" absolute foolishness."


Same here. I got "I'll kill you" once as well... :-( This is hurtful and not healthy at all....I think the hostility growing up in my household has taken a toll on me emotionally... I definitely don't plan on going that route with my future children..



"My sister excused those stupid threats saying that they were only said for impact.  Impact my foot.  What good is telling a child that you will break his/her neck?  What the heck kind of impact is it?  To be more terrified"

Exactly. That's how they always try to rationalize it. That is verbal abuse. It instills terror and fear, not true respect or discipline.

3 weeks, 2 days ago on Video: Okay I’ve Had Enough! Black Parents, You’re Not Superior for Beating the Snot Out of Your Kids!

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You look great!! I am shaped like you (except bigger in a few areas lol) and sometimes I dread swimsuit season because of my boobs and stomach..eventually I will lose more stomach but I will always be somewhat of an apple shape.. I have trouble accepting it because pear and hourglass shapes are held as the feminine ideal and sometimes I feel like my body is too manly (especially my broad shoulders/ muscular arms)...but I'm learning to love it!! I had a swimsuit like this before and plan on purchasing another one since I lost weight. Thanks for posting!

1 month ago on Iffy Belly? No Waist to Speak Of? Consider the Monokini

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