Bio not provided
I agree about the flowers. I wear a flower in my hair pretty much every day during the spring and summer. It's my "thing"..I have so many different colors and get compliments on them all the time, from men and women. I've even gotten some nicknames because of it. Haha flowers are beautiful and most times they make a girl look warm and friendly. It's a good way to express myself and stand out! I also wear lots of skirts and dresses..often vintage inspired..& I love floral patterns in general. Half of the clothing I own has flowers on it.haha mild obsession. If flowers are not your style, it's totally fine but if you think it would fit you then go for it! It's an easy way to get a softer look.
2 weeks, 2 days ago on QOTW: “Men Stare, But Don’t Make a Move. What Gives?”
Aww thank you! That really made me smile. Honestly I'm still a mess myself so I can only give so many tips, but I'm trying to improve my life and work on myself.. I'm glad that sharing my experiences can help others.
I think its a good idea to look into places that are more interracial friendly. Some say Austin is segregated (but most cities are..mostly based on socioeconomic categories.. and where I live there's a bit of a mix) but really there aren't a whole bunch of black people here in general (I guess compared to some other cities..and compared to the size of the population in general... there are definitely black people here though so I dint really understand what other people are talking about). It isn't important for me to be somewhere with lots of black people but is important to be somewhere I generally feel accepted. I like Austin because I don't feel unwelcome no matter how white the place is.
2 weeks, 4 days ago on Letter: White Men are Catching a Clue…
Caleb Followill! <3 *long, deep sigh* That voice, the scruffiness, the raw passionate emotion...I just saw Kings of Leon in concert a few weeks ago and I love him now more than ever.
@Bren82 :-/ That makes me kind of sad. I wonder if he knew he was giving you the death stare...
2 weeks, 6 days ago on Letter: White Men are Catching a Clue…
@onmywayup @MySmile @Naomi2 @Leona_LoveQuest You should most certainly consider! Of course you should research and make sure it would be a good fit for you, but I love it here. Most people love it here and don't have many bad things to say about it, besides the hot weather and traffic. Neither were dealbreakers for me though!
"Maybe it's location? Since I've moved to central/southwest Texas..
People here are pretty friendly and will smile. Obviously, you smile at
some men and you get a blank stare, but that's ok."
I think a large part of it is location. I live in Central/North Texas now (Austin) and I love it...so do other black girls I know. Men here are rather open and friendly in general but if they think you're cute, they are pretty flirty... My friend (who lives in San Antonio) and I were in downtown Austin and I was surprised with how open men were with their attraction..bouncers at clubs, random guys downtown, etc. ..and just how friendly they were in general...Two black girls in a city without a lot of black people only makes us more unique...We do smile and laugh a lot though so I'm sure that makes it better for us. You will always come across those who are closed off for whatever reason, but as long as they aren't in the majority I can deal. I love this city..The best way I can describe it is California (lots of people here from Cali) mixed with Seattle and Portland mixed with the South ..a unique blend.
I used to live in North Carolina, and the areas I lived in were not very good places for bw/ wm. There seemed to be a lot of self segregation and general racial tension. I managed to have a bit of a dating life (through friends, school, work, online, and just being flirty), but barely....I didn't have nearly as many options... I've been on more dates in a month here than I had in the past few years before I moved here. I'm not sure I want a serious relationship anytime soon (I just got here and I'm trying to get my own life together), but I'm having fun meeting new people. It's nice to know that people want you. Sometimes men in NC seemed as if they were trying to avoid black
women..or if you didn't know them really well and you smile at them or
say much of anything they'd act weird about it...just cold and aloof...and many just seemed straight up mean, like they wanted nothing to do with black women or people in general. I don't ask men out, so I wasn't aggressively hitting on them, but most weren't into friendly flirting at all... Honestly, that hurt my feelings. They say you shouldn't seek validation from people, but when a large portion of people around you act like you have a disease because of your skin color, it starts to take a toll. At this point, you couldn't pay me to go back and live in some of the
places I've lived. Here I feel more like a pretty girl who happens to be
black..not like a defective alien.. It's a great
feeling and has been really good for my self esteem.
So while smiling certainly helps, some of y'all need to change your location if you can... because interracial dating truly sucks in some places!
" learn that black women are not all nbabm (nothing-but-a-black-man) boogeymen."
Honestly, I think some white men think black women in general are the boogeyman and it's a huge turn off. I am not going to punch a guy in the face or loudly reject him if he tries to talk to me..even if I'm not interested in that particular man. I don't want to date someone who is scared of me for no good reason.
" Courage is not the absence of fear but going for what you want despite the fear."
Exactly. This is why I don't buy being shy as a reason for a man not to approach. A lot of guys get nervous but will still make a move and go after who they want. There's no excuse, especially if they have had multiple opportunities. I just assume they're either not that into me or dating them would mean I'd have to do all the work....and I'm not here for that...
@Aleah2015 I found this letter pretty insulting as well..not the simple fact that men approach more when women are approachable because that's true... but all the extra stuff.It was totally unnecessary and made the letter writer seem full of excuses for not approaching black women. He allowed one or a few black women to shape his opinion on all of us.
I've haven't been to California in a long time....but this attitude does seem rather widespread among white men in general. I'm not sure if it's most but it's common enough to notice. I hear way more good things about California than other places though..but I'm sure it can also depend on where you live in the state, or city, too. I live in Austin, TX and it's way better than the other places I've lived...which were all in the southeast. A lot of men here are friendly and open...of course you will always find some white men with superiority complexes wherever you go in the USA, though. Some seem to go out of their way to avoid black women and black people in general. Good old 'Murica.
3 weeks ago on Letter: White Men are Catching a Clue…
@jazzyfae45 "I'm seeing plenty of white guys have no
problems telling us what we should do, but not enough men willing to
meet us half way. And I just don't have very little patience for it at
Same here...especially when there are other white men and non black men who are willing to meet us halfway or even go the extra mile. I smile a lot, but getting a guy to approach me, or at least be receptive to me, should not be like pulling teeth. Their loss.
@Aleah2015 "Im sorry but all White males aren't a bowl of sunshine themselves and
many project an aloof/snooty/superiority attitude towards people of
Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with this even as someone who has dated more than her fair share of white men and has met lots of them who aren't like this. I never let that shape my opinion of all white males, but it is still something I have experienced more than I would have liked to. I am very observant when it comes to human interaction and easily pick up on these things. It stinks and I have little tolerance for it. Then again it also depends on where you live but I will get into that elsewhere.
I think there is a huge misconception in the black community that the only white men who will date a bw are the "down" types..far from true... I'm so glad that's not true. However, I can see how him having at least one black friend or a diverse circle of friends may be reassuring if she's new to interracial dating.
1 month ago on QOTW: “Should I Worry If the White Guy Macking On Me Has No Black Friends?”
@The Working Home Keeper @FriendsofJay
Yeah I'm pretty indecisive too (& am a chronic overthinker). A lot of guys don't mind it though. That is their opportunity to take the lead. If they're assertive and decisive, we should have few problems. It usually only becomes a problem when there are two indecisive overthinkers together.
@onmywayup @MySmile @RhondaSpeights @caligirl94117 @BreannaNouveaux
Yeah it's weird how attraction works. No, I've actually never performed with any of the guys I've dated but I have played/sung with them in private and had them teach me a thing or two. I would love to perform with a future boyfriend or husband though!
1 month, 1 week ago on And We Wonder Why More Non-Black Men Don’t Approach Us?
@SavageTango @MySmile @jazzyfae45 @bellechose Haha that's ok because I haven't posted much since my move anyway. It's been hectic. It's actually going really well. I love this city. It's a beautiful place with so much to do.. I love the creative culture and the people in this city. Thank you for asking! :-)
1 month, 1 week ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?
@jazzyfae45 @MySmile @bellechose
Thank you! I really like it here. I feel like I made the right decision. There are a lot of fun free things to do..Loads of single 20 somethings....lots of musicians and guys with beards :-D..so much natural beauty (lakes, hills, rivers)...It's a quirky, unique city......and again, a great place for black women who date non black men. It's just an amazing place so far...perfect for me. People actually seem to be living, instead of simply existing. We will see how it goes, but right now, I feel like I am where I belong.
@Daisy_inthe_Field @MySmile Aww thank you. :-D
@bellechose I get that in some ways black women are at a disadvantage but I don't let that affect everything I do..If I did it would really ruin the self esteem I worked so hard to build. Plus, I'm just starting to care less who looks down on me because I'm black and female. Not to mention, I just moved to Austin, TX so this is a great place for bwwm, and in my experience so far, many white guys here are definitely open and interested...and I've been here less than a month. I definitely don't feel like nobody wants me or anything...and the guys don't make me feel like a different species for being black. haha...I didn't do it just for my dating life but it's one of the best things I have ever done for my dating life.
Side note: move to Austin, TX if you can haha...or maybe Dallas..
" I think the word "creep" comes in there is no connection and the guy is still pursuing. "
Exactly. Nobody said all older men are creeps.
"What is funny that no matter what age, some men believe that they
deserve the hottest woman in the room just because they are men"
Definitely. This has always annoyed me and amused me at the same time.
@bellechose " I'm no fool, so I won't go around on the web running my mouth about
'creepy old wm this' or 'scary old wm that' even if i have come across 1
or 2. bw are in NO position to be running their mouths like that, but
alas I can only control my own voice. NUANCE and COMMON SENSE is the
name of the game and most bw are losing."
I don't think it really works against me personally. I just don't date old men. Most people who meet me in real life are not going to know about comments I made on the internet...but even if they do, it doesn't matter to me. I don't see myself as already being at a disadvantage because I'm black. I can have opinions just like any other woman (and believe me, those women have opinions too). Men should be able to use critical thinking and know that I don't mean all older white men are creepy.. Plus I don't date men that much older anyway so it has no effect on my dating life. WM in my own age range couldn't care less that I don't date older men. I am also never rude when I turn a man down unless he is really asking for it. Work and other connections with older men are fine..and I know a little charm goes a long way....I just have boundaries.
@dani-BBW not that something was wrong with them wanting to buy me dinner but they were creepy about it..and I know the dinner thing was just talk...They really just wanted sex the way they were ogling me. I get that humans are sexual beings..and that's a beautiful thing...but wow..be more subtle... Is it really necessary to make comments on my body out loud? Even the ones who weren't that crass still came across as predatory. It was like they wanted to be my sugar daddies without even having money. I appreciate when people are just being nice, but these men were straight up opportunistic creeps... Last year this old pimp daddy looking guy came to the jewelry counter where I worked and actually asked me if I wanted to be on his "team"..whatever that means..I assume a harem of women....and telling me what he could do for me...again, trying to save me from my current situation working retail (I was in school at the time though). I love being taken care of in many ways, but not by some random guy with ulterior motives. I'll pass. The worst offenders have usually been bm, but a few old wm have also rubbed me the wrong way. There were some older men who were flirty and respectful though. If they just tell me I'm pretty or if they were my age they would love to have a girl like me I smile and say thank you. :-)
@SirLoinDeBeef "I've noticed that most of the women's responses to this topic echo the
common American hypocritical meme, that older men are 'creepy,' and
should just vanish ... but that older women can be pumas, cougars and
even sabertooths, doing just as they please."
I'm not sure about the other ladies here, but I actually would not date a much younger man, either..no matter my age at the time. I also find it kind of weird when 55 year old women are with 25 year old men...but to each their own...
@Statuesque "But what's appropriate changes over time though, because a 15 year gap
is not all that big a deal at age 70. It is huge at age 25."
Exactly. The ages of the two people play a big part.. right now, at almost 25, I would not date a 40 year old...but if I somehow found myself single at 40, I would probably consider someone who is 55.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?
I have been attracted to (and flirted with) some men in their mid-late 30s and 40s, but probably wouldn't date them...There are very few men beyond that age group who even turn me on...There are always a select few but usually the fact that they're old enough to be my dad creeps me out enough for me to stay away.
@harem @AfroChic Yeah that's my thing. I'm almost 25 and the oldest I will date is 32 right now. I have mostly ended up dating men in their late 20s though (26-28 or so). I like a guy who is a few years older but still young enough where we are of the same generation..We were coming of age at roughly the same time so we can usually relate more....That's important to me.
" In my experience, they are expecting to capitalize on supposed
desperation (i.e. catching the bus in an urban environment must mean you
are too poor to afford a car and would salivate over any possibility of
a "secure" guy) or exploit a younger girl's youthful inexperience"
This is my experience as well...When I didn't have a car, I had older men honk at me repeatedly, follow me with their cars, and stop on the side of the road to convince me to let them take me to work (& of course they always wanted something else..to take me to dinner or to buy me something or whatever else). So glad I don't have to deal with that now. I have a car, plus now, where I am has lots of every day people & students who walk or take the bus... so I wouldn't stand out. I'm not into men that much older in general..but especially not old creeps. I don't get upset if an older man tries to flirt with me and is polite and respectful.
" But some old cat daddy slowly cruising his 92 Cadillac through areas
where there are lots of younger and likely underage girls isn't a man
worthy of one second of attention."
Ahahaha some old cat daddy!!! I know exactly what you're talking about too. You gave the perfect description.
@BeautyIAM @J Ndege
ehhh I KIND OF get what they were trying to say, but I don't really like this. I've never been married, but this is just my opinion.
If I was just looking to marry any white man who would have me because I didn't want to be single, I probably would have been married a long time ago (I never wanted to marry early though..I'm not even 25)....Black women have standards, too...not only standards, but we have options. Just because a guy meets the most basic criteria, doesn't mean you should marry him either. There has to be some sort of connection too.
I used to be more insecure about this stuff, and from time to time, it still gets to me, but for the most part I don't really think of it like "I'm black, so no men will want me"...or even "If I get divorced, there's no way I could find another man to love me...while white women can find someone new immediately" (even though I REALLY don't want to get divorced).. I expect to get married one of these days, just like other women (Not sure if it's because I came from a two parent household or what)..
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Open Forum: Okay; We Know White Men Married to Black Women are 44% Less Likely to Divorce. But Why?
@mzsunshine @docwatson223 @Maxine @phillychick
It's time bw start thinking of themselves as prizes and trophies..and stop waiting for society to catch up. I think we as BW can be just as alluring, charming, and fun as any other woman. We can be cute; We can be damsels in distress when we want to. We can be taken care of & have tons of dating options....just like other women. There are tons of wm who are proud to have a bw on their arms. Any woman who is attractive and truly valued by a man will be a trophy to him.
@RhondaSpeights @caligirl94117 @BreannaNouveaux
" Theres no way a man who likes AW would like me, and quite honestly those are men I wouldn't be attracted to"
Oddly enough, I've had a couple of guys who liked me as well as Asian women (or at least one other Asian woman). I am not short for a woman (about 5'6"...look about 5'8" with shoes and hair), nor am I small/thin (about a size 8)... I have strong arms and legs yet I have soft curves (boobs! haha)...I have been told that I "seem innocent" and have a "girlish charm" though..so idk if that has anything to do with it..Probably..
As far as feeling like I couldn't compete with Asian women, I was going through the same thing a few months ago...This guy I used to see/ talk to/whateverwearecallingitnowadays basically stopped talking to me for an Asian girl. Tore me apart. I really liked the guy but he also had some jerk tendencies (and some Asian women will do anything to be with a white man...not sure if he was a jerk to her though. It hurt even worse to think he may have treated her better..)...I started becoming so bitter towards Asian women. Every time I would see an AW/WM couple, I wanted to roll my eyes. I never had the best experiences with Asians in the first place, as many Asian people are racist towards black people and kiss up to white people.
It honestly still slightly bothers me how much white men obsess over them, even though there have been plenty of white men who were interested in me too....sometimes I feel like it is easier for Asian women to get better men (educated or at least productive, assertive, hard working) ...but the more I look around and/or think about it...I don't even want half of the men I see with Asian women...not just because of looks, but many seem creepy, wimpy, or a little off...or just like straight up condescending jerks... Not all, of course..but enough to notice. The guy I was talking about was somewhat controlling and super assertive (I'm not sure if he was truly dominant or just an insecure former nerd turned hot pianist & resident a--hole). The thing is, I don't even want to be an Asian woman. I love my hair, skin, and and my unique blackness.... I just wish men obsessed over that the same way they obsess over the most basic, mediocre, easy Asian women. Just being 100% honest. I don't get it. I'm getting better though..Jealousy doesn't look good on anyone... and I am starting to care less and less about what other people do with their love lives. Plus, some Asian women are awesome I'm sure so I don't want to knock them. They can do their thing and I will do mine. I have to continually remind myself of all the guys who are interested in me and my particular look.
I can't wait for the day when it doesn't sting at all. It's harder to just chalk it up to those men being a non factor when I
know they have some interest in me but choose the Asian girl over me. They were probably just more into them.I still agree that most men who like black women or are open to dating black women are not the same guys who primarily go after Asian women...but some guys just like all types of women...
I find myself dating a lot of guys who are also into music (I sing..write songs,and play a little guitar and keyboard so it's awesome to have a common interest and it's a great way to bond)... I find that musicians tend to be more open to dating bw...musicians and creative types tend to be fairly open minded in general...So I've got that going for me :-D
1 month, 2 weeks ago on And We Wonder Why More Non-Black Men Don’t Approach Us?
" I don't see anything wrong with smiling and speaking; however, after doing so, if he still has reservations, then you move on. "
Exactly. There is a difference between starting a conversation/flirting/ showing interest and being aggressive/ chasing after a man/asking him out. The latter usually doesn't end well for women. You can usually tell by how the man reacts to your friendliness and flirting how open he is. If he acts lukewarm, or worse, cold and aloof, then you know. If you keep trying after that, that's when you start to be the one chasing and doing all the work.
@Keioni @AmericanWM "Any man with a "why bother" attitude is a man not worth wasting any
time on. Being shy is one thing but being apathetic is something else
" I don't think anyone is saying that these men don't have valid reasons
but honestly who cares. These men can sit on the sidelines and look at
me while I flirt and chat up the men, white and other, who are open to
Agreed 1000%...In that case, just stick to what feels safe if it is too much for you to step outside of your comfort zone. If it is terribly frightening for you, nobody is forcing you to date bw. I am comfortable dating white men...so that's who I date...I think I am friendly enough..I smile a lot, joke a lot, and enjoy conversation... but I'm not going out of my way to convince anyone..especially someone who is already going into it with a negative outlook (which, honestly, bw have more than enough reasons to have...but most of us who date IR know that all white men are not the same..as wm should know about black women). I can deal with a little nervousness and uncertainty, but I can't deal with allowing your nervousness to cripple you, or apathy, as was said elsewhere in the thread. I'd rather not.. There will always be men who will show their interest, or at least show that they are open...
" Whether in blackistan or in irr spaces, black women lack compassion for
each other. And in both cases, men are put on a pedestal with almost no
Thanks for saying this. I wondered if it was just me or what.. This actually really bothers me. While I understand that black women are responsible for some things that happen in their lives, they are often dismissed and blamed for everything, even in their own spaces. When a white man speaks, people listen. It is like the Gods have spoken...even if he is saying something extremely questionable. I love men, and like to hear their perspectives...There are many who I admire, but I don't take everything men say as absolute truth or think that what they think has more value than the opinions and experiences of actual black women...and that's not some pseudo feminist talk, it's about making sure we have a voice and a comfortable place to speak to each other as women. Black women.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond
@dani-BBW "Even if you aren't into approaching guys first (which is cool), make yourself irresistibly approachable :)"
@Lady Cheetah @FriendsofJay @jazzyfae45
Yes! I think a big part of this is that black women don't truly realize how dysfunctional the black community is....They haven't been in non dysfunctional and/or non black environments enough to know......Well, I think most realize deep down that they are not living in an ideal situation, but it's so normalized that they just stick to the script because they don't think they have other options...To many, living a comfortable, functional life is "for white people" or it takes too much extra work.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Blackistani Light Skinned Privilege: Aren’t You Glad You’re Free of It?
You can tell he really appreciates and cherishes her too...that kiss on the hand...and that hug at the end!! So sweet!
Also, I LOVE her dress...and his suspenders.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on Video: BB&W Fan Get Married, Serenades Groom; Bring Him to Tears
So sweet! Beautiful couple, voice, and venue. I sing too (play a little guitar and keyboard) so I'd consider doing something like this (but I'd probably be way more nervous than her)...Well, maybe he can do it to me if he's also musically inclined....Heck, we can just do a duet (Is that too corny? lol). Either way, it would be amazing if his proposal, or our wedding reception involved singing or playing music :-)
@Nikki J I love getting a "tan" in the summer.. It annoys me when other black people act so scared of getting darker. While they're hiding from the sun, I'm soaking it up!
@_Toni_ " dark-skinned women should be allowed to speak their truths without
having their conversation hijacked by people with ulterior motives"
This frustrates me so much. When dark skinned women try to speak out, they are often labeled as bitter or jealous. If not, they are ignored, gaslighted, or the conversation is derailed. For some reason, I was having this conversation with my mother and my sister, who are both considered "light skinned". My mother was making it all about her and how she had it so hard because dark skinned women used to beat her up in school. I guess you can say she is mixed (well really multiethnic..she had a black mother and Puertorican father). Not that bullying is ok, because it's not AT ALL (plus I am dark skinned and I got picked on by aggressive "hood chicks") but there are reasons behind why those women felt the way they did...plus, the conversation was not about light skinned women. While I understand there are two sides to every story, she refused to acknowledge why these things were an issue in the first place. She even asked if that was why her & I didn't get along when I was a teenager (well, I'm 24...we still really don't get along). No, that's not why, sometimes it's just the individual... but the fake superiority complex (which is really a cover up for self hate) does bother me. My mom is the type who assumes people are hating on her because she has light skin and long hair. *eye roll* and that is not always the case. It is mostly self hating black men who have led light skinned black women to believe that.
My sister mostly downplayed it (she doesn't experience it..she's lighter and dates dbr black men who are borderline bums, so of course she won't speak out against it). They were totally not with me when I said that I feel like the majority of black Americans are self hating and I called out various behaviors as examples. Not that I'm better, but I'm way more socially conscious and aware of the dysfunction in the black community (as a result of personal experience, education, and the fact that I've been exposed to more non dysfunctional and non black environments). That conversation was so frustrating for me, because people refuse to take dark skinned black women seriously when it comes to these issues.
Black men are not a big part of my life (a few family members and bm acquaintances is pretty much it....I don't knock the non dbr ones though), but the issue still bothers me because it affects so many young black girls in general and it will continue to until bw refuse to be around that type of dysfunction. It's frustrating trying to converse with those with a "blackistan" mind set (whether they live in blackistan or the burbs), I have to put up with this slavery, "house slave vs. field slave" mentality. When will it end?
This is something I feel strongly about, and if it is within my control, I REFUSE to have any future children around this type of bs. Most likely they will be biracial, and I'm not putting up with the colorist crap. They will be beautiful and awesome because they are beautiful and awesome, not because they're lighter skinned. I will not make any of their black cousins, classmates, or friends feel as low they are below them. I would like our home to be welcoming, accepting, and loving place for people of all shades. I also want my dark skinned nieces to feel just as awesome, because they are gorgeous and amazing.
@inori @Soul_Incites "i cannot continue to pay her emotionally for being born because that
was her decision not mine . i am fortunate that we live very far apart
because 2 days is the maximum before the little digs masquerading as
concern start, the i start thinking of pushing her over a cliff."
EXACTLY. I'm so tired of my mothers treating their children like a burden for just being alive. I love life, but I did NOT ask to be born. Stop complaining about doing things that parents are supposed to do! Also, I can relate to the 2nd part too. I'm moving 19 hours away from my mother and I'm excited about that. I can only be around my mom for a couple of days before things go sour too (most times, it doesn't even take that long, she usually says something slightly offensive within a couple of hours). I'm starting to wonder if I should even come back for the holidays because I'm starting to not be able to stand her (then again, I want to see my dad and siblings at least occasionally). My mother is an expert at concern trolling too...it's really just her way to take digs at me or get in my business while still coming off as "concerned" or "well meaning". It's all a bunch of bs and I'm glad I finally caught on to her game.
" Being happy and fulfilled needs a degree of selfishness that most women
do not have .In addition most have been raised to see being liked /loved
rather than being empowered as the most important thing"
Sad but true!!! :-( I grew up being a people pleaser, but now, when I am looking out for myself, stand up for myself, or try to have emotional boundaries, I am told that I am selfish or overreacting.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on “Help! My Mother is a Mammy, and Resents My Desire for a Nicer Life Than Hers!!”
How timely and relevant. This is a subject that is weighing on my mind heavily. It's upsetting that so many women have issues with the person who is supposed to be in your corner the most. I have been thinking lately about going low(er) contact with my mom and setting boundaries. My mom is not a single mother and not exactly a mammy, but I have enough dysfunctional, manipulative, gaslighting, narcissistic mom stories to last a life time. I try hard to correct these behaviors when I see them in myself. Since I'm late to the party, I'll share on the next related thread. Also, check out the website "Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" if you think your mother has narcissistic tendencies. It's sad how much I can relate to the experiences described there.
@Shelbie Hey Shelbie!!! I'm Shelbi :-D
3 months, 1 week ago on Open Thread: Does Being a Natural Make You Feel Like a Different Person?
for the love of GOD enough of the Plan A plan B talk. you dont get a
cookie for having liked wm all along or for being open to dating men of
Even though I have participated in these talks, I get where you're coming from. I've stated that though I have always liked white men, there was a while when I wasn't really focused on them, and I didn't start dating them til a few years ago (I mean I'm only 24 but still.)...I don't down other women who previously were not into white men. My issue is when bw date wm while being wayyy too emotionally invested in black men, or while knowing deep down, they'd prefer to be with a black man. That is what I see as a true "Plan B", and that's not fair to anyone...
3 months, 1 week ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.
@bellechose @Swirlgirl28 true! To each their own. I think that's what helped my hair grow at first..I mean I partially wore the braids and wigs (mostly non afro textured) because I wasn't comfortable wearing my hair out yet but it also helped me transition..
@WorldTravelingChic @MySmile @sparel @sunflowerraven
It's not the same as those traumatizing events you experienced lol...no pain involved..The guys who have done it to me have been very gentle and don't run their fingers all the way through...
I find it hilarious when people sniff my hair or me in general....I've been told I smell like flowers, suntan lotion, and all kinds of stuff haha... I've also had guys lay on my hair because it feels like a pillow
lol..and one guy even tried to do a twist for me lol...
Sometimes I will let people "pat" my fro in public if I know them and/or they at least ask politely...I mean, I've done it to white girls and white guys I know lol..especially if they have curly hair or a unique hairstyle...They have to be gentle and respectful though..again, don't mess up the shape of my fro in public lol....and don't just stick your hands in my hair without asking..especially if we aren't close...
I find it very sensual when guys try to run their hands through my hair (even though they can't get their hands all the way through lol!) or they kind of massage my scalp...I LOVE that...as long as we're alone and not about to go anywhere...Do not mess up the shape of my fro in public lol
" I am bed, bath and beyond done with this sort of fuckery."
LOL!! Funniest thing I've heard today! :-D I agree...
3 months, 1 week ago on Hey, Did You Know Hollywood Grades Black Women Just Like Color-racists Do? Truly WTF-iest Casting Call for “Straight Outta Compton” EVER
@Swirlgirl28 Short hair can be a challenge... The best thing I can say is make use of accessories..headbands, flowers, earrings, etc....You don't even have to do much styling...That's what I do and my fro isn't even that short anymore (I guess you could say it's medium length? or somewhere close)...I twist my hair at night so it's manageable in the morning, but I'm really simple when it comes to styles..it's either the fro, twisted and pinned down, or a high ponytail...If your hair is really short, though, you should be able to do wash and gos.
@ErikaBlaze Yeah, unfortunately, I'm not even that surprised...*sigh*
It really just depends on who you are, but for me, yes, to a degree. I have been natural for about four years, but have only been wearing my hair out consistently for about two (before that I wore wigs a lot). Growing up, my mother relaxed our hair. We didn't really have a choice. It was just what you did!
My friend and I were sitting by the pool and an African guy walked up
and complimented me on my hair. We got into a really good conversation and he asked
if anything changed since I started wearing my hair natural. I told him it has made my confidence and pride in myself (and my blackness) soar. It has also changed the people I surround myself with, to a degree...because a lot of the times, having natural hair means you need to seek out and attract individuals who are supportive and positive. Basically, it made me a lot more selective about my friends. A lot of my friends happen to be white and they love my hair..I know there are white people who are uncomfortable with my blackness, but I don't surround myself with those people anymore. I have also made friends with other bw who either have natural hair or who don't, but have the mindset of "to each their own". I date white men, and they think it's so cool and unique. There has been nothing but positive reinforcement from white guys, when it comes to my hair, and it makes me feel lovely. The white men who don't like it probably just don't say anything (though I have never been involved with a white guy who disliked my hair..I think one was kind of indifferent about it though). If they held a negative opinion of afro textured hair, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
Being natural helps me to feel beautiful, like an exotic, rare flower...My hair has life and body..I feel so far removed from the slavery mindset that a lot of black people have about hair. Sometimes it still boggles my mind when another black person implies something negative about my hair (even people in my own family)...but they know I'm not changing it for anyone. This is who I am. I feel like other people's issues with my hair are just that..THEIR issues. It has helped me grow tremendously. I didn't even realize all these things at the time, but I do now.
I can safely say I will never relax my hair again. I won't say never to braids (I love braids!), or wigs on rare occasions, but when I wore the wigs and weaves, I felt like I was hiding a part of myself. One time I started wearing wigs for a little while, after already wearing my hair out. When people gave me compliments, it didn't feel genuine....more like a backhanded compliment because I would notice how some of those people would never compliment me when I wore my afro out.
It may not be that deep for some people, and that's fine, but for me, it is. (Plus, I write poetry and songs, so that's my excuse for being so wordy). Being natural has changed my life, in a way.
@itsgoodtobeme "I'm not a "natural hair nazi" when it comes to anyone else, but I am one when it comes to my own self."