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@Shelbie Hey Shelbie!!! I'm Shelbi :-D
6 days ago on Open Thread: Does Being a Natural Make You Feel Like a Different Person?
for the love of GOD enough of the Plan A plan B talk. you dont get a
cookie for having liked wm all along or for being open to dating men of
Even though I have participated in these talks, I get where you're coming from. I've stated that though I have always liked white men, there was a while when I wasn't really focused on them, and I didn't start dating them til a few years ago (I mean I'm only 24 but still.)...I don't down other women who previously were not into white men. My issue is when bw date wm while being wayyy too emotionally invested in black men, or while knowing deep down, they'd prefer to be with a black man. That is what I see as a true "Plan B", and that's not fair to anyone...
6 days, 6 hours ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.
@bellechose @Swirlgirl28 true! To each their own. I think that's what helped my hair grow at first..I mean I partially wore the braids and wigs (mostly non afro textured) because I wasn't comfortable wearing my hair out yet but it also helped me transition..
6 days, 8 hours ago on Open Thread: Does Being a Natural Make You Feel Like a Different Person?
@WorldTravelingChic @MySmile @sparel @sunflowerraven
It's not the same as those traumatizing events you experienced lol...no pain involved..The guys who have done it to me have been very gentle and don't run their fingers all the way through...
I find it hilarious when people sniff my hair or me in general....I've been told I smell like flowers, suntan lotion, and all kinds of stuff haha... I've also had guys lay on my hair because it feels like a pillow
lol..and one guy even tried to do a twist for me lol...
Sometimes I will let people "pat" my fro in public if I know them and/or they at least ask politely...I mean, I've done it to white girls and white guys I know lol..especially if they have curly hair or a unique hairstyle...They have to be gentle and respectful though..again, don't mess up the shape of my fro in public lol....and don't just stick your hands in my hair without asking..especially if we aren't close...
I find it very sensual when guys try to run their hands through my hair (even though they can't get their hands all the way through lol!) or they kind of massage my scalp...I LOVE that...as long as we're alone and not about to go anywhere...Do not mess up the shape of my fro in public lol
6 days, 9 hours ago on Open Thread: Does Being a Natural Make You Feel Like a Different Person?
" I am bed, bath and beyond done with this sort of fuckery."
LOL!! Funniest thing I've heard today! :-D I agree...
6 days, 20 hours ago on Hey, Did You Know Hollywood Grades Black Women Just Like Color-racists Do? Truly WTF-iest Casting Call for “Straight Outta Compton” EVER
@Swirlgirl28 Short hair can be a challenge... The best thing I can say is make use of accessories..headbands, flowers, earrings, etc....You don't even have to do much styling...That's what I do and my fro isn't even that short anymore (I guess you could say it's medium length? or somewhere close)...I twist my hair at night so it's manageable in the morning, but I'm really simple when it comes to styles..it's either the fro, twisted and pinned down, or a high ponytail...If your hair is really short, though, you should be able to do wash and gos.
6 days, 18 hours ago on Open Thread: Does Being a Natural Make You Feel Like a Different Person?
@ErikaBlaze Yeah, unfortunately, I'm not even that surprised...*sigh*
It really just depends on who you are, but for me, yes, to a degree. I have been natural for about four years, but have only been wearing my hair out consistently for about two (before that I wore wigs a lot). Growing up, my mother relaxed our hair. We didn't really have a choice. It was just what you did!
My friend and I were sitting by the pool and an African guy walked up
and complimented me on my hair. We got into a really good conversation and he asked
if anything changed since I started wearing my hair natural. I told him it has made my confidence and pride in myself (and my blackness) soar. It has also changed the people I surround myself with, to a degree...because a lot of the times, having natural hair means you need to seek out and attract individuals who are supportive and positive. Basically, it made me a lot more selective about my friends. A lot of my friends happen to be white and they love my hair..I know there are white people who are uncomfortable with my blackness, but I don't surround myself with those people anymore. I have also made friends with other bw who either have natural hair or who don't, but have the mindset of "to each their own". I date white men, and they think it's so cool and unique. There has been nothing but positive reinforcement from white guys, when it comes to my hair, and it makes me feel lovely. The white men who don't like it probably just don't say anything (though I have never been involved with a white guy who disliked my hair..I think one was kind of indifferent about it though). If they held a negative opinion of afro textured hair, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
Being natural helps me to feel beautiful, like an exotic, rare flower...My hair has life and body..I feel so far removed from the slavery mindset that a lot of black people have about hair. Sometimes it still boggles my mind when another black person implies something negative about my hair (even people in my own family)...but they know I'm not changing it for anyone. This is who I am. I feel like other people's issues with my hair are just that..THEIR issues. It has helped me grow tremendously. I didn't even realize all these things at the time, but I do now.
I can safely say I will never relax my hair again. I won't say never to braids (I love braids!), or wigs on rare occasions, but when I wore the wigs and weaves, I felt like I was hiding a part of myself. One time I started wearing wigs for a little while, after already wearing my hair out. When people gave me compliments, it didn't feel genuine....more like a backhanded compliment because I would notice how some of those people would never compliment me when I wore my afro out.
It may not be that deep for some people, and that's fine, but for me, it is. (Plus, I write poetry and songs, so that's my excuse for being so wordy). Being natural has changed my life, in a way.
6 days, 21 hours ago on Open Thread: Does Being a Natural Make You Feel Like a Different Person?
@itsgoodtobeme "I'm not a "natural hair nazi" when it comes to anyone else, but I am one when it comes to my own self."
6 days, 22 hours ago on Open Thread: Does Being a Natural Make You Feel Like a Different Person?
@YonnaB @MySmile @Brenda55 Thanks!!
2 weeks ago on Our Favorite Interracial Romance Authors Made History This Week!
@torgodog yay more Angelique Noire!!!! :-D Lovin it!
2 weeks ago on Sirloins’ BB&W Babe Wednesday!!
@Lady A @MySmile @The Working Home Keeper @Brenda55 Awww :-D Thank you all! I really appreciate it. I'm trying to get back on track with my workouts so I can be a real head turner then! haha
@jjelsewear You are not weird at all! I love the pinup look. It is very sexy yet ladylike. It makes me feel beautiful and unique. I would actually love to get into pinup modeling (at least as a side gig) and would like to do a pinup shoot in the near future..If nothing else, I will have checked something off of my bucket list and I'll have some great photos as a memento!
@DWB Haha that's good to hear. Men seem to love this type of style..can't blame them
@The Working Home Keeper @MySmile @Brenda55
Aww thank you :-) I hope so!
You're so right, you don't even have to buy actual vintage dresses
or even pieces that are necessarily marketed as vintage/retro all the
time. It just depends on how you wear it.
"There is one lady I know that is absolutely convinced I'm some time traveller from the 40's LOL! "
lol! Well...if time travel was a real thing, I'd definitely go back to the 40s, 50s, and 60s and get some of their awesome clothes. :-D
@The Working Home Keeper
I love Angelique Noire too!
@torgodog red looks amazing on her!
@The Working Home Keeper @Brenda55
I follow them on Facebook...I'm obsessed! lol I only wish I could afford their clothes..one day. I have found some retro inspired clothing in discount stores though. Here is a picture of me after graduation :-)
@Brenda55 I got excited..then I realized it was for Kindle and I don't have a Kindle lol
@BWC @zipporah @The Working Home Keeper @Driving Miss Britt
dangit...got caught up watching these couple and wedding videos....now I'm sad :-(
2 weeks, 1 day ago on Ladies, Do NOT Date Interracially if You’re Too Suspicious of White Men. Please. Just…Don’t. (Letter)
Here's an example of a wm who is kind of urban or a little "down" I guess but not over the top or trying too hard.. .That's just him....Maybe not the type of guy I would date but I love them together!!! I enjoy watching them
@BWC @zipporah @The Working Home Keeper @Driving Miss Britt I will say that most white guys who are "wiggery" (lol) are like that because they grew up around a lot of black people...They are being true to themselves and that's fine.. I just don't want to date them. Then there are the ones who are not even from that type of environment and/or just trying to act like that when they are around black people or dating black women..
don't want to date either one...
I've fallen for a couple of wm who I guess you could say are kind of "cool" or "smooth"....but wiggers? No way! There's a difference...
@tonyrog @Browncow My dad said, if you don't know, look it up. lol...Needless to say, Google, Wikipedia, and Dictionary.com are my best friends :-P
@secretshopper @kia you know what, I don't even think lazy is the right word..It's definitely limiting..even though some people do online dating because they're lazy, I think it's mostly because they don't know how/where to meet single men/women, they are apprehensive about meeting or approaching people offline (this is usually men), and/or they haven't had much luck meeting people in person...I'm talking about people who use online dating sites as their only way to meet men/ women...not everyone who is on a dating site....
2 weeks, 2 days ago on Ladies, Do NOT Date Interracially if You’re Too Suspicious of White Men. Please. Just…Don’t. (Letter)
I think using online dating as your only way to meet men is lazy unless you have no other options (and usually, you do)....It's very limiting. You can easily become bitter and frustrated if you spend all your time with "keyboard Romeos", as I've heard them called...and I'm too young for all that! I'd rather get out there and meet people!
I quit the online dating sites I was part of. I got tired of it. I admit that I have Tinder, which is a mobile dating app mostly 20 something use.. A lot of people use it just to hookup, but you can also get dates out of it.... I honestly don't think it's much worse than online dating sites when it comes to guys just wanting sex. If they just want to have sex, they will make it pretty obvious so usually the guys won't waste too much of your time if you're not up for that. I've had more disrespectful, bum, sleazy, uneducated, low quality, guys contact me on Okcupid than on Tinder!! I've also rarely had guys say anything racial to me on Tinder...which is a relief considering some of the racial stuff guys have said to me on okcupid....and you can only have conversations with the people who are a mutual match (you are both attracted to and/or interested in each other)...not saying you will necessarily find your soulmate (it's possible), but it can be a way to meet guys. I think meetup can be realy good! You can get out there and do things with people. Almost everywhere you go is an opportunity to meet someone
@ElLagoJeff @Brice Cameron
Yeah, this just reminded me that when I was on Okcupid, I was talking to this guy, and during one of our first conversations, he used the n word (with an a at the end, but still..he was trying way too hard)... I was instantly turned off. I didn't "go off" on him, but I actually did say something about it. He apologized, and periodically he would try to message me again, but I didn't respond....I didn't even want to go down that road...
@Bunny77 @MySmile @RhondaSpeights
" In my experience though, the seasoned IR daters who were white men
seemed to hold more stereotypes than the ones who were the blank slates."
Yep! Some assume that the next black woman will be just like their exes or other bw they've met.
..the only thing is that it could go either way with a guy
who has never dated a black woman (or who has never dated interracially
at all)...you could get the clean slate or you could get the guy who
has hangups/stereotypes and is not prepared to stand up for you or handle anything... Love the clean slates with open minds though!
@Bunny77 @Christelyn "And again, if I don't know you -- regardless of race -- I'm not into jokey jokes like that."
Exactly. It definitely has to do with how well you know the person too. I don't think I would have been okay with the things he said (calling her dumb, etc), regardless of how long I knew him, but the worst part is that he said this to someone he was not married to or dating, and hadn't even met in person or had more than one conversation with....You have to get a feel for the person and how they will respond to certain things before you start saying stuff like that...Just like writing, be aware of your audience
I'll just be 100% honest, I used to be really skeptical of white men who only date black women (still am sometimes) because a lot of times, they are "wiggers" or their interest in black women is based on stereotypes.... I don't mind if they have dated a bw before though. Most times the guys I've dated were open to all girls or have dated a variety of colors and ethnicities (including other bw). I have occasionally been the first black girl someone has really liked or dated....but sometimes that can be annoying too (I'm not exactly a "seasoned" interracial dater but I'm not a rookie either haha) I'm starting to meet more non wigger guys who just think bw are gorgeous and awesome and I like that. I'm open to dating a guy who has a preference for bw as long as it's not based on limiting stereotypes...
@Bunny77 " I've dealt with this kind of man before (IN PERSON!!!). Always making
"jokes" about black people, including color ones, because he's so down
with black people... and yes, he had been married to a black woman
before, so his interest was genuine, but the whole date was "bougie
black women" this and "light skinned/dark skinned women that" and "I
played college basketball this," etc., etc."
Ughh. I can't stand these types of white guys...way too familiar with the black community and often have the same mindsets...we're incompatible...Sounds too close to a "wigger"...which is an extreme turn off....I don't feel black enough for these guys!!
I have this one white guy from college who dated a black girl and now he only dates black women (which is fine, his choice) but my problem is that now he tries to act so down and posts these pics, videos, and statuses bout how "N***az be like" this and "b*tches be like" that...and "side chicks" and all that nonsense...and he is not the first white guy I've known to do this. Sadly, they think this is how to appeal and relate to black people...by focusing on the most negative aspects of black American culture.... I don't understand why people think because they date black people, have black friends or family members that they can get away with anything.
@Kanika Ameerah Yes, I actually think she dodged a bullet.
He seems completely clueless when it comes to talking to women...I wouldn't have been offended by the "Tall drink of water" thing if I was tall haha (maybe I'm just corny? :-)) but that's not exactly the best line to say in your first message to someone if you're trying to find a meaningful relationship, especially if that's the only thing he said.....Nothing wrong with flirting, but maybe ask about her interests and also mention that something you find attractive about her? As long as it's not crass....and don't just say "You're a tall drink of water" and leave it at that haha. For me, a sincere compliment, question about my hobbies, or something funny and genuine will get a way better response than a generic and lazy "Hey, sexy ;-)" (which doesn't get a response at all half the time..sometime I will say hey, or thank you and leave it at that). Don't leave it up to me to make a conversation out of thin air...Did he expect her to jump at the chance to talk to him?
He desperately needs to learn tact and respect....that's game to me..
He sounds like an immature, condescending douche who lacks tact. Regardless of race, he's just a jerk...Nothing was wrong with his initial message, so I do agree that she was a too defensive about that.....but the fact that he had something about CPT on his page shows he lacks tact..and then he went on and showed just what an ass he is..and this is coming from someone who definitely has a sense of humor. There's a difference.
"Then here comes Clair Huxtable.." Really? Is this supposed to be an insult?
"I told her CPT was funny to me and many people I knew....I told her she was the only person I knew that ever took offense to
the CPT thing"
SO? I seriously hate when people do this. Just because something is not offensive to you and your 2 black friends, does not mean that noone is allowed to be offended by it. No, sir. People like this try to make others feel like they are being ridiculous or that their feelings are invalid.
"she needed to take her big brain and find a sense
Then people like this will try to make it seem like you're the one with the problem...and the big brain part? totally condescending..he was definitely not saying that as a compliment...
"I had never seen a project manager who was dumb."
Seriously? Are we in the 5th grade?
"The things we endure to try and find a relationship."
Then he tries to make himself the victim? I just.....ok, I'll stop now....
@NubiaBlack I do think that maybe she shouldn't have gone back and
forth with him though. As tempting as it was, I probably would have just left it alone. I've dated several white men and I am not defensive or
offended by everything, but at the same time, I'm not going to pretend to be the cool, magical, black girl
who is never upset or offended by anything. Come on. He was rude and has
no regard for other people's feelings. I can usually tell when someone doesn't have good intentions or is just a rotten person even though I ignore my intuition sometimes. In situations like this, I probably wouldn't have given him the benefit of the doubt and just stopped responding.
@TeeVee "swirling Meccas for BM/WW of the low quality kind. The populations of these areas are less educated, and the white men are also low quality. In these places you will find BW with wigger types."
This is also an important point! It depends on what type of man you are looking to date..It's not just "where are the white guys/non black men?" It's "where are the type of men I am looking to date?". I have actually come across a number of wm in rural, redneck areas, who are open to dating bw (especially online), but many of them are not doing much of anything with their lives, nor are they looking to (aka low quality)...you can find those anywhere...it's easy for a bw to find a low quality man wanting or willing to date her if she just wants anyone
I will go ahead and say that I find myself more attracted to "white collar" men for serious relationships/potential husbands....stability, responsibility, and a strong work ethic are important in a man to me. Not to say these qualities are only found in "white collar" men, but that's just what I find attractive... I hear that Austin (where I'm moving) has a high percentage of educated, employed, bachelors in their 20s and 30s (Lots of techies and musicians, from what i've heard :-D.. love other musicians and creative, free thinking, individuals....just not the bum kind haha)
I'm glad people are being so specific with their answers!
2 weeks, 3 days ago on Interracial Friendly States, City by City, County by County!
@Geekette221B I haven't been to Philadelphia yet! Well, I've passed through ...but I want to visit...I also have a cousin there who is in a relationship with a white guy :-)
@juleah @Driving Miss Britt @Christelyn "Different ethnicities may work together but they are not romantically mixing together or even living in the same neighborhoods."
I think this is a big part of it, too...are people romantically mixing or are they just acquaintances and colleagues? A lot of people have no problem being platonic friends or going to school/ work with different people, but they wouldn't necessarily date across the color lines. Even some places that are seemingly diverse or progressive are said to not be so interracial friendly. Some say this is even true for places like NYC (not sure...I've only been there once...I know some of the neighborhoods are segregated by ethnicity). Then again, people working together can possibly lead to more romantic mixing.
Exactly. I get what nubianinthedesert is trying to say, because I have had white guys who were interested in me who are from places that are seemingly non swirl friendly (aka the middle of nowhere West Virginia, Idaho) and I've also managed to have a dating life in places that weren't the most interracial friendly...
On the other hand....
People say all you need is one person, but that's only halfway true...In the end, sure, it only needs to work out with that one special person BUT you need a decent sized dating pool because naturally, some things are not going to work out and who says you want to settle down with the first person you meet? I'd rather be somewhere I have more options than a place where the pickings are slim and/or people have 1 million hangups about interracial dating.....
@Swirlgirl28 I lived in Tallahassee, Florida (not far from Pensacola) as a child., so I can't say much about the dating there, but I know that North Florida and the panhandle are the more country, southern, or rural parts of Florida..The whole state of Florida is not the same. Totally different feel from south florida.
@Christelyn sure, no problem!
I just realized that this may sound negative or like I have a bad attitude towards dating lol... but I really don't think I do. I definitely have my issues, but I like to think I'm friendly and approachable, and I was never one of those "all men are dogs" girls, no matter how much I get hurt...I hate when girls do that...I'm just telling it from my experience in Greensboro... I'm actively doing something to change my situation (moving to Austin, not just for dating though!). I'm also not saying all people in the area suck and you will never have any luck haha..
I've done some dating (not many relationships, but dating) but I am just being realistic about why this doesn't seem to be a good place for me and a few others have said the same. Most guys here seem too hesitant. I know some bw/wm couples who met in college but I'm out of college now, so obviously that didn't happen for me haha and that's totally fine (not rushing it!). I know I need to work on myself too. It seems like a college town, but really my university was a lot of girls and gay men, the other big university in town is an HBCU, and there are a couple of really small colleges so it's not like it's dripping with 20 something guys. There seem to be a lot of engineers here for some reason, though.. I was seeing one for a little while....I was just saying there does not seem to be a large pool of single, eligible men under 35 and there are better areas (even in the south) for interracial dating for bw (whether it's casual dating or relationships!). I'm sure it would be a decent place for families. I think bw can manage to have some type of dating life here, but to be completely honest, I want to be somewhere with a smorgasbord of non black men open to dating me. :-D Austin, here I come!
@Keioni Yeah my dad's side of the family lives in Hampton, VA and I don't see a lot of bw/wm couples there when I visit..I barely even saw bm/ww...I don't live there though, so take my words with a grain of salt.
@The Working Home Keeper @Karla @MySmile I've only been to Asheville once and it was to visit the Biltmore when I was younger. Even then, the city seemed like a beautiful place.
I've heard Asheville, NC is a decent place. It's a very open minded part of NC. I've dated a guy from Asheville and I have a good friend from there...lots of artist and musicians..very liberal..
far as Kannapolis, NC....I don't think I can agree with that. My ex and
some of his family lived in Kannapolis, so I spent a lot of time
there....and it was mainly a nothing town on the outskirts of
Charlotte...and I'm not saying that because it's small...there's really
just nothing there. A lot of middle aged people and families. If you are
looking for young, single, educated men i would advise you to look
Chapel Hill is a College Town, Raleigh,
and the triangle area in NC is a diverse area with a lot of colleges and
educated people, so I can see why that's on there. I'm from Charlotte, NC (kind of) and it seems like a better place for black women and
interracial dating than the triad (Greensboro/hp/Winston). It's
the 2nd or 3rd banking capital of the U.S., and there are a lot of
people there from somewhere else. It's a very up and coming place.
Atlanta is on this list...maybe it's on there for black men and white
women...I heard that is one of the worst places for black women
interested in non black men because there are a lot of black people,
women, and gay guys.
I'm surprised to see Birmingham on this list. I only lived there as a child in the 90s, but there was still a lot of racism...
2 weeks, 4 days ago on Interracial Friendly States, City by City, County by County!
As for Greensboro/High Point/Winston Salem, NC- I went to college in Greensboro and currently live there (til I move to Austin), and in my experience, though it's not the worst place, it is most certainly not the best place. Most of the guys I've dated were from somewhere else in the country (or even just in the state). There is a bit of an artist/ hippie subculture here (but that's moreso a benefit for artists and gay guys than black women....here anyway), so I that
can make it a little better..but I still don't think it's a good place for young
women looking for non black men to date. A lot of people here in their
20s, who are actually dateable, are in a serious relationship, engaged, or married and this can be
extremely frustrating as a single girl...Unless you are looking to date a
45 year old, or someone who is already divorced and/or has children.... Even my white friends here from other cities (even in NC) or parts of the country have expressed this sentiment. The main places to meet young single guys is while out downtown, online, and meetup groups..though half of those guys are in a relationship too! A lot of young people do online dating here..and it seems they don't have much luck. Sure, there are a few colleges around here, but it doesn't seem to make too much of a difference. Most people don't seem to stay long after they graduate.
A lot of people here come from surrounding towns that are not very progressive. A lot
of young guys will look but they won't say anything..They have too many hangups and they're too scared about what their family and friends would think. I
will see the occasional black woman/white man couple either downtown, by my University, or
in the more affluent areas. I've never gotten seriously harassed or anything, just looks (mostly out of curiosity) so it's not bad if you already have someone and you live in a nice area. Greensboro also doesn't seem to be a very up and coming city... It looks as though it's seen better days, and there are a lot of homeless people here. I wouldn't suggest moving here expecting to find love.
A friend from California and I were talking about how dating sucks down here for black women. She said over there, if you're friendly and you look good, you get attention. I said down here, you could be damn near perfect and still not get that much attention. This is not saying I don't get any attention from non black men, but I don't see this as the best place for me to thrive and feel celebrated.
I think this is a great idea!! The hard part is that even though some of these areas pop up multiple times and are truly great places, a lot of this is going to be based on individual experiences or isolated events....Sometimes it's subjective and there are other factors like the age and educational level of men that you have dated or are looking to date....Plus, unfortunately, some of these areas are good for other interracial combos but not bw/ wm so there's a huge difference there...but I still think this is an excellent idea, especially since we can explain/clarify in the comments to help make the list more accurate.
@The Working Home Keeper @MySmile @Christelyn
Our relationship is getting better since I don't live with them, but I don't know if it will ever be what I hoped for.
I don't even know if I still hope for it at this point. My mother has always been open with telling us she loved us, but she
would say or do hurtful things and it felt like a contradiction. My dad
doesn't show his emotions very much..but I noticed he is trying more..he
says I love you more...but there is still some resentment there because growing up my dad treated us more like soldiers in the military or employees than his kids. When we were children he was an awesome dad, very involved and loving...but as the years went on, he just got super busy and really mean.
My family made fun of me for
being "too sensitive"..I was kind of a crybaby as a child and I guess I
still cry more than the average person. I realize I have to keep my
emotions under control sometimes, but I hated that I felt and still feel
embarrassed to cry in front of them or express when something hurts my
feelings..Whenever I tried to voice my concerns I was made to feel
irrational and like my feelings weren't valid. It still happens today,
especially with my mother.
3 weeks ago on Austin, TX Man Asks, “Am I the Black Woman’s Second Choice?”
Hearing your story is such an inspiration to me. That's the kind of family I want :-) I guess I felt the same way...like the love was conditional or like they did a lot of things out of obligation. I always felt like a burden. They would often complain about things that parents are supposed to do..like having to drive me to work (i didn't have a car at the time and nobody taught me how to drive), pick me up from marching band practice, etc...They would come to my choir concerts and other stuff but didn't truly enjoy it... I'm sure they'd rather be doing something else. Sometimes I get sad when I hear and see how other parents talk about their children and the awesome things they've done...but more importantly when I hear them talk about why their children are awesome..about how their child has a big heart, or a great sense of humor, or something meaningful ..I have many flaws, but my parents never really focused on the point that I have a big heart, or that I am talented, or any of that stuff....My mom has bragged about my achievements, but as soon I messed up (ex: I flunked out of college the first time)...she acted so ashamed of me or like she was upset because she didn't have anything to brag about to other people.
I never felt like my parents were really my advocates...and I never really felt special...maybe a few times when I was a child, but besides then, not really... My parents were very critical of me and didn't seem to like who I was on the inside. I just wanted to be celebrated. Everyone is too busy doing their own thing and worrying about their own life though. I was the first out of my parents and siblings to graduate college (and I am the second to last child and the first to even go off to a university) Nobody knew how hard it was for me. I had little guidance...I didn't expect a big material gift but something to make me feel special would be nice...i got some flowers..and I like flowers :-)..but that's it. Everyone just seemed like they were ready to go the whole time :-( I don't think they realized how big that was for me. I still feel like a little girl wanting for people to hug me and celebrate me. I'm not going to lie it made me sad to know that other people got these cakes, and gifts, cars, heartfelt cards, and parties/ get togethers and I basically just got a pat on the back....I didn't want a big celebration or anything but I guess it would have been nice just to feel really special for a day...Even on my birthdays I didn't feel special. I was told to pick a restaurant, but if my dad or someone else didn't like that restaurant, we couldn't go...I always had to consider everyone else, and it sounds selfish but sometimes I just wanted it to be about me. I don't mind accommodating others, but I feel like I had to do that the majority of the time.
@jdependance @The Working Home Keeper @MySmile
" It seems to give the
white women an ego boost and makes them love that black man more. I
don't think a lot of them see it as a red flag."
Well they should..because a lot of the times they end up treating them the same way as they did black women (in the end at least)....being disrespectful, cheating.leaving them with multiple kids, using their car, spending their money, etc.. I see a lot of white women with black men or white single mothers with biracial children looking stressed out or like they aren't living a very good quality of life..they can have that.
If a white woman enjoys her man bashing black women because it boosts her ego, that is pathetic and extremely insecure...Any man who trash talks an entire group of women is a red flag to me..it comes off as bitter and like he hates women...I'm not trying to hear him ranting about other women all the time..just focus on why you like me!
3 weeks, 1 day ago on Austin, TX Man Asks, “Am I the Black Woman’s Second Choice?”
@Tammy_Ghalden @MySmile mmmm, barbeque....and I don't know much about San Marcos I will read up on it I love learning about different places