Livefyre Profile

Activity Stream

@girlie87 @MySmile @CS @jazzyfae45

Part of this also has to do with values... A lot of us have the same values that are more common in the white majority...



1 hour, 18 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@girlie87 @MySmile @CS @jazzyfae45

Yes!! I'm not ashamed.. I like that wm find my features attractive...


and yes again!!! I've had black men say the most rude & unnecessary things to me.....especially in high school and some in college.....Why couldn't they just leave me alone? ..I think a lot of black men just get a kick out of putting black women down..they want it to affect our self esteem...but somehow want us to still be interested in dating them..They just want to bring bw down and make us feel like we're so ugly that nobody wants...they want us to feel like we have no options, I guess...whatever!

1 hour, 24 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@girlie87 @MySmile @CS @jazzyfae45

Yes, I am happy they're clueless about it LOL I'm just glad somebody is..though I think their ancestors made colorism a problem..but black people continue to participate in it in 2015 and it's a shame..so now they can't blame white people...Why couldn't we be strong enough to reject it? most white men today don't participate in it...and even when you tell them about it, they don't care..doesn't change the way they see you...

1 hour, 34 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@girlie87 @MySmile @CS @jazzyfae45


I just...I felt sexier when I started dating white men (I've liked white men since I was a little girl......but started dating them around 20/mid college) ...like for real...There are other things I'm insecure about...but not my black features....so it annoys me when I hear about the things black women have to put up with from black men/ the black community...People in my own family have said negative things about my hair, but I've had white guys who want to play in it, and think it's so sexy...who loveeeee my skin, eyes, lips, ....when I've been told that I was just a "regular black girl" and treated like one, or worse, by black men.....I have lighter sisters so believe me, I know about colorism first hand....I don't experience that bs with white men...I'm gushing about this right now, but I'm going to give white men their full props on this one. I know part of this is because they are clueless about colorism (.most white guys aren't even aware this is an issue)..but I'm glad they are clueless about it!

1 hour, 58 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@girlie87 @MySmile @CS @jazzyfae45

Yep!! For me, part of it is lack of attraction to most, the other part is the disrespect/ dysfunction that is so common... I'm not trying to deal with that.. White men are not perfect AT ALL (I have pointed out issues I've ran into with them) but the ones who usually have a problem with you or the way you look will leave you alone/ won't approach...A lot of black men still try to flirt with/ date you and trash talk you at the same time...wtf? This isn't middle school...insults are not a turn on... They'll still date a black women but talk trash if she goes natural, cuts her hair, etc...so basically they want to date a black woman who tries to look as white as she possibly can...


I don't have to hear anything negative about my hair, skin, or features from white men I date (that doesn't include a few rude guys on Tinder that I never met...or racist internet trolls..they don't count..people I've actually spent time with face to face)....That's a huge plus to me. I'm not going to lie to yall, that is an amazing feeling!!! It's so comfortable..I can have the kinkiest hair, get really dark and sun kissed from the sun, and it won't be a problem!!!! That's sexy to them... I am secure about "looking black", not only because I've done some work on my self esteem, but because the men I date don't have a problem with the way I look. 


It's crazy to me now when I hear what a lot of black women who date black men have to put up with/ hear about...I'm like why put up with that? All black men aren't bad, but black men aren't your only option....I'm being so truthful when I say this is a HUGE plus to dating white men....there are black men who love black women who "look black"  but I can't say they are in the majority

2 hours, 11 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@CS @Savannahpostnew1 @MySmile


" maybe it's that black men are more accepted into the suburbs but ONLY when they conform to what white people want them to be like."


True


"i read in Malcolm X how he was more or less tolerated by whites when he was doing what they wanted, but as soon as he started thinking differently and becoming dissatisfied with always being "the mascot," things changed."


True as well....This is why for the most part, white people love Martin Luther King, even though his words are taken out of context a lot...I hate when people use Martin Luther King against black people...to justify being closet racists... "Martin Luther King would be ashamed of black Americans today, "Martin Luther King said..." , etc...


or some stupid crap Morgan Freeman said about solving race issues by not talking about them....Ugh. NO. Since when was Morgan Freeman the Authority on all things black? Since when was he the spokesperson for black people?

2 hours, 33 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@Savannahpostnew1 @MySmile @CS

Yep, I've read those studies too. Ugh!! 


And I'm 25 (born in 1989) so I didn't get to experience the black community, pre modern hip hop.....though I'm not going to act like I don't ever listen to hip hop...I also don't think it's the main reason the black community went downhill...I think there were a lot of factors...but when I read things or look at pictures from back in the day, I can tell that black communities seemed to be a much better place...even through all the troubles faced, black people respected themselves and each other for the most part... I guess it started going downhill in about the 70s...80s maybe

2 hours, 49 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@CS @jazzyfae45

" to me it is impossible to prefer every other race but black (if you're black) and not have been impacted in some subtle way by the racism that is part of American Culture."


Very interesting point...For me..it's complicated. What if your preference is not anything but black, but a specific group? I, and a lot of the ladies here,mostly date white men (this doesn't mean we just date any white man though)...so you can say that is my preference....Even though white men are my preference, I am attracted to more black men (of different shades) than Asian men ......There are very few Asian men I've been attracted to... so it's not an anything but black thing for me. Asian men are not my preference either.....but I guess the fact that I am attracted to more white men than others is a problem to some...I guess I can see how some people would assume I'm supporting white supremacy by dating a lot of white guys though... 


As far as other people, for the most part, I no longer care who dates who...just don't be rude/racist towards group you don't prefer (that is an issue with both  white men and black men I've encountered)...I'm at the point now where I'd rather people date who they prefer to date anyway..for whatever reasons they choose..ex: I'm not too concerned with what most black men are doing, but I'd rather the ones who prefer lighter women with long hair date those women...leave me, and others like me, alone if you don't want me lol

2 hours, 56 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@Lady A @jazzyfae45 I definitely feel like most black women who date interracially are more socially conscious than black men & have less self hate.....and by "conscious" I don't mean in the "down", mammy, dysfunctional way...I'm just saying that most black women who date white/ non black men don't seem to be into all that colorism, good/bad hair stuff and are not willing to turn a blind eye to the racism and discrimination they face..seems ironic, but it's true from what I've seen!

3 hours, 19 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@Cami2210 @Keyasha I actually went to a black college my first year and I'm not going to lie, I didn't like it..I did meet a friend or two though! 

3 hours, 31 minutes ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@Savannahpostnew1 @MySmile @CS

"I think that had I grown up around whites (predominantly) I would long for their acceptance and look down on blacks like I see with some of younger girls in my now mostly white neighborhood. These  girls are a trip.    These types of girls stereotype black people   WORST than white people do.  It is because they want to be accepted so badly....Yet they still experience racism from whites regularly"


I've seen this too and it makes me sad...like I said, honestly, I used to do this sometimes, on and off throughout my life, & it makes me cringe to think of it now... ugh. Although I will mention I did this with black people as well (wanted to be more "down"...started behaving kind of like the people in my environment). Now I just try to look at the individual..there are some black people I don't care for...nor do I support the things every black person does...but that's true of white people as well...I think a child can grow up in a mostly white neighborhood & not be desperate for acceptance....if there is a strong foundation/ environment of self love in the home.....However, during the high school (and sometimes college) years, being accepted is an issue for teens of all colors


"Black boys are loooooved in the suburbs. They are almost like kinfolk to whites....black girls ...not so much." 


OMG yes!!!! They are seen as having that "cool factor"...Especially if they play basketball or football and/or date white girls.


"I think she will love NYC"


NYC has it's issues as well but it does have a lot of people from different races, cultures, & backgrounds...so I'm sure the opportunities for friendship and dating are endless!!! I've only been once though. I hope she does love it!!

1 day, 3 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@Savannahpostnew1 @MySmile @CS Me too! .I usually date white men, & am attracted to some hispanic men as well.... There are a few black men I find myself attracted to.. & very few Asian men...and when I say attraction I mean physical & non physical....


I'm not a black woman with an "anything but black" preference as was stated above...I'm not saying that's right or wrong..I really don't know...That's an interesting topic though...

1 day, 4 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@CS 1. "When you daughter says she's white-washed and "i don't fit in with other black people," i would be careful with that comment."


That can be problematic. I used to feel like that...I moved a few times, and grew up in predominately white, predominately black, and racially mixed areas.....but I'm finding there are more like minded/open minded black people than I thought...in college and especially beyond. A lot of black people  don't fit neatly into the "hoodrat/ghetto" or "whitewashed" stereotypes either...though many lean towards one side or the other, we can't be defined that easily. .I feel like growing up in different environments made me the unique person that I am... a big jumbled mess lol... Now, we all know we don't want to be around certain kinds of dysfunction that are common among black people in the US, and there are many things I don't like about modern black culture, but I try to have respect for black people as a whole. 


I understand where those feelings come from ...There are thing I like that many black people probably don't like (or have never heard of..especially music).... There are movies/shows that most black people watch that I've never seen in my life/ have no interest in... I'm not that religious...I have often felt that I am an oddball..and at times, an awkward black girl..cute enough, I guess, funny, but not effortlessly "cool" or "chic" or a "diva" (I have my moments though *pats self on back*)  That doesn't necessarily make me better, just different, just me... On the other hand, there are some "black" things I know about that white friends are clueless about... I know that I don't fit into a lot of black circles, so there's definitely truth to her statement, but then again I don't fit in a lot of white circles either..never did too well in circles though...I'm more about connecting with individuals.


It's a great thing that she even acknowledged that there was racism and microaggressions/ "joke racism" though..because I know black people who always try to downplay, deny, or ignore racism in order to make their white friends comfortable (especially when they're younger and less secure in themselves)

1 day, 10 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

Not to mention talking about race can lead to very interesting discussions and I enjoy talking about it , especially on this blog...It doesn't have to be a divisive topic..It doesn't even have to be a heavy topic all the time...

1 day, 11 hours ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

Reply

I have mixed feelings about this... "understanding your struggle" sounds a bit ridiculous lol...that's always an excuse bw use...If you are uncomfortable dating a non bm, it's ok......personal choice...Regardless of who you date, though, nobody is going to have the exact same personal experiences as you....


I think it's good to talk about race sometimes, though. It has not been the main focus in any of my relationships, nor will we talk about it all the time...but I would prefer not to be with the "let's never ever talk about race because it makes me uncomfortable" or the "closet racist" white guy though...The one telling me things are all in my  head..and people are always playing the race card...that would make me crazy....believe me, I've come in contact with several....some I even dated briefly...I consider myself at least moderately socially conscious  (I am observant when it comes to other people and was also a sociology major, so there's that lol) , and though I don't exactly think of my life as "the struggle", I don't think I should be with someone who doesn't try to be the least bit empathetic, understanding or supportive....Yeah, not everything is about race, but there are microagressions and all kinds of subtle racism out there...and while I'm not crying about it all the time (I learned that you gotta block out/brush off/laugh off some bs if you want to live a happy life)..I can't pretend that it's never an issue....I also would like someone who will stand up for me and/or protect me if it is necessary....with words or actions...not someone who just shrugs everything off..and that's not even about race, that's just in general....I have feelings/concerns, and nothing is wrong with that...I just feel that if a man is in love with a woman, and that woman is black, then by extension, he should care, at least to some extent, about things that affect her..


I want to cuddle, go on vacations, laugh together.....but I would also like both of us to have honest conversations and to have a curiosity/openness/ willingness to learn.......I think we can care about the problems in the world without wearing the weight of the world on our shoulders...

1 day, 11 hours ago on Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else?

Reply

@Nita1967 Could be true..or it could be about race..hard to tell if you don't have enough information...but yeah, regardless, nobody is attractive to everyone...doesn't hurt any less though..

2 days, 1 hour ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@PoetOfDarkness @MySmile @caribbeanlady


I totally agree with the first part...the most offensive white guys I've met didn't even use the word exotic..Whenever I've been called exotic, it's always been complimentary..didn't seem to be any ill intent..and I'm a decent reader of people too...


"Asian women have been using their exoticism here in the U.S. to their advantage for a long time now. as a conscientious observer, i never understood why BW never did the same."


I think a lot of it is history between blacks & whites..well black women and white men in this country....suspicion/ mistrust of white men & their interests...not to mention there are a number of white men who still only see black women as sex objects..so that makes it worse for some bw who are apprehensive...

2 days, 3 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@PoetOfDarkness @caribbeanlady


I used to think being called "Exotic" was questionable...but now I love it (As long as the person actually treats me like a human being too). It makes me feel like a sexy, rare flower . I was called exotic by my ex boyfriend.....and a lot of other white guys let you know how exotic they think you are in more subtle ways...complimenting your skin, playing with your hair, etc. :-) I've also had guys who really liked my lips (they're not even that big, but they're juicy enough, I suppose lol)

2 days, 4 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@caribbeanlady @dani-BBW  I also think that it has to do with the fact that the city I live in is bigger and possibly the "type" of city that it is.


Dating is not a priority for me right now (for real this time, my focuses are hobbies/ passions, spiritual/ emotional health, creating a good life for myself, and finding a good support system/ building relationships with other women). I haven't been here long but I noticed that IR dating is better here from my personal experiences & observations of other black women and interracial couples here.. This is not to say every (or even most) guys will be boyfriend/husband material, but it's nice for your dating life to be less dry lol. It also increases your chances of finding "the one" when you have more options.


I did think certain places in CA would be good for dating though. It may come down to the fact that maxi is in a suburban area, plus she's in high school. Maybe, when she graduates, going to a place with a lot of 20 somethings would help? I don't think NYC is as racially accepting as people think, though. There seems to be quite a bit of racism there.


2 days, 11 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@caribbeanlady @dani-BBW  "Large cities and states are more diverse in terms of the people that live in them, but that doesn't mean that those various groups mingle as much as people think."


"Large cities and states are more diverse in terms of the people that live in them, but that doesn't mean that those various groups mingle as much as people think"


This is SO true. Even in huge cities...people self segregate a lot.


But it's complicated....I moved to a bigger, but predominately Caucasian city...Hispanics are the 2nd largest group, and blacks make up only a small percent of the population (less than 10% I think). I find dating here to be better than the city I lived in before...which was more racially mixed (at least when it came to black and white people). This may have something to do with the facts that, in a predominately white area #1) you stand out more #2) you interact with a lot of non black people, thus increasing the chances for interracial dating



2 days, 12 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

I think it was a great idea to have Maxi & her friend give advice to the letter writer. Sometimes teenagers would rather listen to other teenagers than adults lol but you all gave great advice...I think you should do more videos with them!

2 days, 12 hours ago on QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences

Reply

@Rexy012  Ok, I just "awwwed" my way through this entire comment. I love it...so sweet...Your love sounds so tender and genuine.. I want what you have one day...


" I also love the fact that he is a better cook then myself and often prepares our evening dinners after he gets off work. I clean those dishes with a huge grin and full belly."


I like this  because it shows that even though he's a "real man", you still have a partnership...and it shows that you don't have to fulfill every single little gender role to be feminine or have a successful marriage ..I also like this because I don't really enjoy cooking, so it gives me hope :-P :-)

1 week, 6 days ago on How to Date an Alpha Male…Do You Have What It Takes?

Reply

@ladyluxe @NYMan @luna tick @Chicago404


Yeah sex is biological; Gender is a social construct (former sociology major here lol)..but I do believe biology (hormones) can affect how "masculine" or "feminine" we are

1 week, 6 days ago on How to Date an Alpha Male…Do You Have What It Takes?

Reply

I also feel that if this is ever done again, it should be one woman choosing from multiple men. 

1 week, 6 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@miami2ibiza2121 @Cami2210 @trinigirl1 @StarStroy "I'm not trying to be an experiment" either..... I don't usually find black women attractive but you are very attractive."


I've gotten that online too...multiple times...I'm just like that is not a compliment. Bye! lol


or at the very least it's a backhanded one...still offensive and unecessary though..

1 week, 6 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@trinigirl1 @Cami2210 @StarStroy

"'online dating' is something designed for guys- lazy guys, they don't have to put themselves 'out there' and do the work to engage women or improve their interpersonal skills at all. "


Ugh yes again!! Most of these guys have no freaking interpersonal skills and it's sad..I can be a little awkward, but dang..

1 week, 6 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@Cami2210 @trinigirl1 @StarStroy "Someone just scrolling through pictures and probably not reading your profile just doesn't seem like it would work out in most cases.  Online in general people seem to enjoy harassing and putting down BW. "


Agreed again...I've done online dating for a little while and I hated it...so much negativity..... I have a love/hate relationship with Tinder which is kind of online dating but not exactly...I actually met better guys on there than online (I deleted it for now though)..... but men hardly ever read your profile...lazy...Ultimately, though, I think you have a better chance of meeting someone worth dating face to face...Plus I'm way more charming in person :-) 

1 week, 6 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@Cami2210 @trinigirl1 @StarStroy


"men who are afraid to approach BW in person aren't relationship material when it comes to you having the potential to being part of their lives."


Agreed. Online dating attracts a lot of these types and it annoys me... But with some men online, they may have approached you in person if that's when they first saw you.

1 week, 6 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@PJDeanwriter @luna tick @Chicago404 "Beta has nothing to with being effeminate"


Good point...but I think it may have something to do with handling certain things in a stereotypically feminine way..


One example is venting or complaining too often about your problems instead of being solution focused. Have you ever dated a guy who complained about his job/life and never did anything about it? That's the worst! Why are you at the same job for 5 or 10 years if you hate it so much? I understand that undesirable jobs or situations are part of life, but you should be looking for something better.....Hell, I love to vent and talk about my feelings, but even I eventually do things to change my situation!!! I moved halfway across the country on my own!!! I can't be serious about a guy who won't even look for a better job...I would be concerned about being with a man who is not at least some what of a go getter or is too passive when it comes to life in general...You can't just go "oh this is the hand I was dealt, so I'm just gonna have to deal with it." No, you change your cards...


Like I said, labels are complicated, but some of the beta traits, such as the one I described, are truly undesirable for serious relationships or marriage..

2 weeks ago on How to Date an Alpha Male…Do You Have What It Takes?

Reply

@onmywayup It's funny how an alpha male is hard to define but I just know Kanye West is not one lol...Our definitions of alpha males may be subjective but most people can probably agree lol....Regardless of labels, most of Kanye's personality traits are not something I would want in a man! side note: I did enjoy his earlier music though....just not his persona/ the way he handles situations

2 weeks ago on How to Date an Alpha Male…Do You Have What It Takes?

Reply

Labels can be helpful, but they can also be complicated....I just know I like men with the most important alpha traits....Someone who is protective, wants to provide, is comfortable making decisions, and knows when to lead...It is important that he enjoys/takes pride in doing these things...I don't want anyone who is going to resent me for it...

2 weeks ago on How to Date an Alpha Male…Do You Have What It Takes?

Reply

@onmywayup @MySmile It was funny because Kanye is like the furthest thing from an alpha male lol...


I found this from a website: "Big egos are a result of low-esteem, lack of control over emotion, and too many female feelings. A man who is truly confident in himself never needs to lash out at someone who insulted his ego." 


lol Kanye definitely comes to mind...

2 weeks ago on How to Date an Alpha Male…Do You Have What It Takes?

Reply

Signs he's not an alpha male: He looks up to Kanye West and thinks he is an alpha male (this actually happened). Kanye is way too whiny to be an alpha male.

2 weeks ago on How to Date an Alpha Male…Do You Have What It Takes?

Reply

On a lighter note, can I just say I love the pictures used for these articles? hahaha this guy's face is killin me...

2 weeks ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@Elegance 

I'm not saying he's a horrible person or anything, but it seemed like he was doing it for attention/views..and maybe having all these women available to him made him a little full of himself... Like I said, I don't know much about the guy (doing my research now). You make some good points, but we all have different backgrounds, personalities, and sensitivity levels, so we are all going to react in different ways...It seems like a lot of the disappointment is because of the way the situation was handled, not necessarily that it didn't turn into something serious...Also, as usual, a lot of the comments were about related topics.. so all of these posts aren't about how much Everyone hates Wes


I've dated a lot of white men and live in a majority white city.. I don't care too much whether white men make videos about their love for/interest in black women. I'd rather them show and prove in real life. I try not to politicize my dating life too much, but I do want to say that if there is a revolution, it may very well not be televised ;-) 

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@NYMan @Elegance "I am very pessimistic about meaningful relationships developing in a reality show atmosphere."


Honestly, same here..it is hard for genuine relationships to develop that way and unlikely that they will

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@onmywayup @thecrazyartist "ANY and I mean ANY man who says "white women are too spoiled and needy, that is why I love black women" right off the bat without being in a relationship with you is most likely a user"


Exactly! I'm glad to know other people feel this way too. This has always been a huge turn off for me. I've heard several variations of it, but essentially, all they're saying is "White women's standards are too high for me, so I like black women because I think/ heard they don't have any.." Nope, next! 


Not to mention, I just don't like when white men use white women's flaws as their main reason for dating black women in general...makes me feel like a consolation prize or last resort...plus it comes off as bitter, so I'll pass. The funny part is that they often think ww bashing will impress you..

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@onmywayup @BellaVoce


"Don't be desperate. Lol! That sounds bad, but hear me out. Desperate people lower their standards, because they believe that they can't get what they really want. Decide that you are in demand, and that no man is better than a sucky man. If you're having a bad luck dating streak, and it's starting to wear on your self-esteem, take a break."


Yeah, it's break time for me. Honestly, I would like some tips on how not to be desperate. Initially, on the surface, I don't think I come off as desperate.....but I think subconsciously, there's a part of me that is....as soon as I catch any kinds of feelings for a guy, the desperation rears it's ugly head...I get my hopes up and then I get hurt so easily. Though I do have standards, I often don't stick to them... and though I have cut several men out of my life, I take way too long to do it and afterwards am hurt and resentful..


I'm not even sure of all that I am desperate for....I guess proof that I can be loved, adored and given enough attention..(healthy love..not just infatuation) ...that I can actually be interesting to a guy for an extended period of time..... That someone cares about how I feel and what I have to say.... I also stay single for very long periods (going on 3 years now..a combination of choice, not knowing what I want, and things not working out with anyone I'd like to call my boyfriend). That could also be contributing to these feelings (I've dated a lot, but have not had the physical and emotional comfort of a relationship in a long time), ...I'm just really interested in how to move on more quickly and to not get hurt so easily...I don't want to walk on eggshells or be scared ...Sometimes I want to be that girl who feels powerful enough to move on because she will always have quality men chasing after her. I'm hoping to be that girl one day, soon ...

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@onmywayup @BellaVoce  "Trust your intuition. Your brain is picking up a lot of cues from your surroundings, the body language of other people, your past experiences and memories, and other factors to give you that uneasy feeling that you somehow can't explain. "


Spot on. I am highly sensitive and have a strong intuition...but I often try to ignore it or tell it otherwise!! I need to trust and listen to it!!! It's there for a reason!

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@thecrazyartist I also think it's really sad that the PUA lifestyle has that many followers....

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@thecrazyartist  "A lot of and I mean A LOT of men aged 18-35 are into PUA(pick up artist) techniques, which basically are a series of lies and deceptions with the end goal of collecting women into a harem and sleeping with them"


Ugh can I just say how much this INFURIATES me?.... I hate being manipulated (or any attempts to manipulate me), hate when people are fake, slimy snakes...I'm not sure if it's healthy how much just the IDEA of men doing this PUA bullsh__ pisses me off...I truly believe I've come in contact with a couple of these jerks...The insults ("negging") bother me the most...because, again, it's a manipulation tactic to make you insecure and needy so you will lower your standards for them


I briefly dated this guy who repeatedly told me I was "difficult to deal with"..basically for having feelings and wanting emotional reciprocity... He said that people who didn't think I was difficult to deal with were probably lying to me... I can't even deal..He may not have not been a PUA (there were just a lot of things wrong with him, in general, though) but I'm just saying that some men try to make you feel crazy or irrational for wanting the basics...Men like this will try to mess with your head if they think they can get away with it..

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@thecrazyartist YES! Another list I need to frame. You all are so on point with these!! Good stuff.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@BellaVoce @onmywayup


YES! I loved these tips..Please add more if you think of any.... Even if some seem like common sense, it is VERY easy to overlook these things if you really like a guy...plus they really aren't as common as they seem..These are major issues that most women have/ have had with men, so it's definitely relevant. I need to frame this list lol. Sorry if I'm being dramatic haha, but you nailed it.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

I kind of missed this whole thing, so I'm trying to catch up, but I just want to say 


1) Thank you Christelyn for this article & video! Black women really need to hear this..Also, you look pretty and I love your makeup


2)I've only seen pictures of this guy...and brief video clips, but he always seemed disingenuous to me (player or just doing this for views/attention)...good ol' intuition...The more I find out about him the more it solidifies my original opinion


3) Carrie deserves better. I am very sensitive so I know if this would have happened to me, especially publicly, it would have been really hurtful...She did a great job at keeping it together.


4) I totally agree that there are plenty of non black men who are full of it and trying to take advantage of black women and it's upsetting


5) There is some AMAZING vetting advice in the comments.. Thank you all for sharing your wisdom. It would be nice to see more posts on vetting and self esteem. This community has really helped me over the past few years. 



2 weeks, 2 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.

Reply

@SirLoinDeBeef @MySmile @mim86


Haha I don't plan on moving to Abilene..I know some guys who went to Abilene Christian University and from what I know, it most certainly is...

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Serious Question: Would You Date You?

Reply

@KawaiiCutie  All of that sounds ideal!! haha. Glad to hear that things are going well!

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Serious Question: Would You Date You?

Reply

@KawaiiCutie


True...Maybe part of my problem is that I feel I need to be almost perfect before someone can genuinely love me... ugh...

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Serious Question: Would You Date You?

Reply

@jpopforever28  lol is it ok that I laughed at the hustler part? When is your rap album coming out? :-D :-P

2 weeks, 4 days ago on Serious Question: Would You Date You?

Reply