HerSparkle
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@Lori You make a great point, Lori. I think I need to slow it down a bit and pick a few images that inspire me. I do this everywhere else, why not a device I look at every day?
As always, you make me think :)
I have never put a Wallpaper on any of my devices! I wonder what that says about me? Can't be bothered? Lazy? I really don't know. My husband puts different family photos on his.
It's so funny, when I log onto a device, I just want to log on and get going......
@Lori Absolutely. It's kind of like how they say that you will find love when you stop looking for it...almost like if you let the issue go, it loses momentum, diffuses and manifests into something potentially good.
Hi Lori and LFI. Great suggestions for resources to help with letting go. I read the "Sedona Method" a few years back and really liked it . Now I need to take a look at "The Secret of Letting Go"
While I have not had anything as horrific as Jennifer has happen in my life - I can't even imagine the process that one must go through to deal with an incident like that. I have had my share of pain and things that just brought me down. I used to obsess over those things, think about them all the time and it created a lot of negativity in my life. I think I just reached a place that I was so unhappy and so stressed that I literally could not live like that anymore. One day I just decided to 'give it up to the universe' and truly let all that stuff go. I thought about the fact that I have always been OK and worrying and stressing over those things was a waste of the precious time I have here. I have also been one to keep everything inside and to think I needed to work through any issues on my own. I decided to truly trust my husband and surrender to the fact that I can count on him to help me walk through everything - that was very freeing. I have been thinking a lot about the idea of 'surrendering' (I have a post partially written about it) and how hard it is for us to completely, and I mean completely, let go and trust. It started in yoga class where the teacher asked us to surrender and I found I was still physically holding on just a little. It's a journey, I think, to get to a place that you can truly let completely go and breathe. For me it happened in one fell swoop - it had to. I don't think that is the case with most. I still do work on things not creeping back in, but I use yoga, meditation and reading positive materials to help with that.
@StaceyMJHughes I am perplexed too that people think it is OK to omit. I do think that they find a way to 'make it OK" for themselves, because, really, how could they live with themselves otherwise?
It's interesting about your childhood experiences and your subsequent feelings that you can't enjoy unconditional trust. I had the total opposite reaction to youth experiences. A family member had a chronic lying problem and it was so devastating to me that I vowed to not accept it ever again. Now, I have been fibbed to again, but when I found out about it...that was the deal breaker.
On an encouraging note, I do believe that there are trustworthy people in life. I have faith that there are good people that deserve our trust. I think the hard part is giving people the benefit of the doubt (innocent until proven guilty) when you have been hurt in the past. It is not easy, for sure!!
Off to Yoga to center myself...but I will check back in when I get back. This is a great conversation.
Hi Lori, My deal breaker is pretty simple. Don't lie, fib or hold something back because you think it will hurt my feelings. You would think this type of behavior is not prevalent, but I have come across it lots of times in both my personal and professional life (more the holding something back, rather than outright lying). I simply want the real truth all the time. It may hurt for awhile, but at least I know I can trust you.
Your deal breaker is grounded in trust too (as evidenced in your calligraphy motto). You want to feel confident and at peace that what you have been promised will be done.
Trust is everything in my eyes. When it's lost, it's lost forever. Even if you 'turn the other cheek" as Stacey has shared, there is surely a small feeling of distrust at the pit of your stomach. I think that adds so much stress to our lives and when we are trying to maintain a pillar of peace...it makes it all the more difficult.
This is such an interesting concept that I had never thought of. I am so glad you made me think about it. I agree with you, particularly when the secret primarily impacts you (a book deal, a promotion, a decision about your future, etc.) I think that no matter how much the person you share it with loves you or knows you, they cannot feel or express the joy quite in the specific, personal way you do, so that may be the letdown (even though they are very happy for you). I do love that feeling of savoring the secret, but I think over time, as you get used to the idea, and it becomes more real, there are diminishing returns of joy (not a bad thing, just a natural occurrence), then I think it is time to share it and get excited all over again because the cat is out.
Where I do have a hard time containing a secret is when it is something specifically for someone else (a special gift, a surprise, a vacation plan, etc.) I get so excited in that case that I want to share and enjoy the other person's happiness, but keeping that in is even a little more fun, because it builds up more joy & momentum.
Interesting the diversity of opinions here...some sharers, some not. I wonder if that has anything to do with the difference of being a 'people person' (for lack of a better term) and the desire for constant connection and transparency and that of being a bit more reserved and inward focused.
@Lori We sure do need to recognize them. My starting place was actually when I left my corporate job, which was consuming me. Probably not an option for many, but I feel blessed and lucky that I have had this opportunity to get back to peace. It has honestly been the best year of my life. Now I am working towards finding balance in work and life. I think part of the secret when you are working full time is to ask (or pay) for help. I never did that....I simply thought it was too much of a luxury, but it is not. Should I jump back into a full time job again, I will definitely be looking for things to outsource so that I can spend my free time finding those special moments for myself and with my family and friends
Lori, What a delicious topic for this Monday Morning. I think it is awesome that you are applying your 'savouring' mentality from your love of books to your everyday life. That is a beautiful thing.
I find that since I have deliberately slowed my life down, I am much better able to savor the simple things which I find to be the best. I wish I were a morning person, but that is simply not the case. It seems like so many of the LFI enjoy early morning moments. I am simply in a fog until about 8:30. But then, I begin the savoring. Some of my lovely moments are: listening to the morning birds singing (I am doing that right now :)), the Spring breeze that blows in my window, a snuggle and a belly scratch for my sweet dog, Austin (hmmm, I have several of these a day), some quiet reading time, my delicious Yoga class, the moment my husband gets home from work, the moment I see my son after school, stretching, reading in bed with my son, my hubby's arm around me while we watch a show, and that moment in bed right before I doze off. Isn't it interesting that none of these activities cost money or are extravagant........
@MelanieAThomp Boy, I think it is so hard to teach young girls especially to appreciate their natural beauty and not be so focused on what others think when they are so targeted and bombarded with marketing messaging about being skinnier, prettier, and in need of having the latest, most expensive brands. I was absolutely appalled the other day when I heard about the trend of young women pinning malnourished, unhealthy images on Pinterest labeled #thinspo. It is so incredibly sad that they have to feel that pressure.
I think the best way to counteract this and be happy with their natural attractiveness is for parents and individuals that they admire to continuously reinforce the message "You are beautiful as you are" and to encourage them to focus on other activities such as sports they enjoy. I also think getting young women involved in organizations like Girl Scouts, clubs, faith and charity is a great way to encourage focus on positive, grounding themes. I would love to see more celebrities get behind self-love campaigns like they have with bullying, because, like it or not, celebrities have klout with young people.
It's so nice to see you back, Melanie and a with great topic for this Saturday. As someone who has built a career on design and creating products that people (hopefully) like, I have always struggled a bit with overcoming any shame I feel with this being such a big focus in my life. Over the years, I have come to to a much better place with it, because I do think that pretty and/or beauty is a wonderful aspect to add to our lives. The problem becomes when people are obsessed with it, at the expense of other virtues and activities.
As pointed out by within the discussion here, there are 2 kinds of pretty....1. our physical being and 2. our surroundings. With regards to physical beauty, I think it is very healthy to do things that bring our natural attractiveness out in whatever ways feel right. I do think as we get older and appreciate what is naturally beautiful about ourselves and let go of a desire to be perfect, a certain contentment and happiness is the result. I do worry about younger people who are overly concerned about what others think, rather than what makes them feel content and happy. Pretty/beauty should be primarily for ourselves and if other people appreciate the efforts, well, that is simply a sweet little benefit.
With regards to our environment, I think it is simply fun to create a space, wardrobe, environment, etc. that makes us feel good. With all the beautiful things available to us, sometimes we can feel like we need more more more, but pretty can be found in simple things such as the new bloom of a flower, candlelight, a DIY project, just as easily as it can be found in a new bauble, a beautifully decorated room or a piece of artwork.
I suppose it all comes down to balance. I absolutely love to look at and be inspired by pretty things, even if just to admire them from afar.
@Lori Thanks so much for the book recommendation - it sounds like something I need right about now. I have an amazon order ready to go and this is going right in my basket.
Agree, we need to celebrate our solutions. Sometimes we focus so much on the next issue that we don't enjoy the wins.
Lori, I love this topic and the advice that has been given so far. I think in general, many people have an idealized view of a life without problems or interruptions to your flow (myself at times too), but I do think that life is just a series of challenges we need to overcome to be the people we want to be. It gets even tougher in our fast paced life when it seems like yet one more problem is getting in the way of meeting our goals. I had a boss tell me once that (in regards to work) "you are paid to solve problems, period, that is what you do" That stuck in my mind. Whether we work for a boss, for ourselves or are the leader in our family, group or organization, it is our duty to watch out for problems and find solutions. Some of the advice that really stuck out to me here is (forgive me for regurgitating, but I find it helpful to write it down):
1. Getting to a place of calm: you have a problem, get a plan...this takes the emotion out of the situation which is more than half of the problem
2. I love: 'You need to", rather than "Would you please" (I'm stealing this one). Again, this gets us to an unemotional place of action
3. Nothing is impossible. "Don't worry, we'll solve it". This statement alone is so comforting. It's can be so helpful to know you are not in it alone
4. There are many solutions/options. Knowing that there is not one right plan takes some pressure off the situation
5. Immediate action (this is so important. I have a tendency towards procrastination, so this one speaks to me loudly)
6. Bird's eye view - just that visual gave me peace when I was thinking about the topic at hand.
I am going to be implementing these ideas into my own daily life. Thanks Lori, for raising the topic and to the LFI community for so many great 'solutions" to problem solving :) I love it!
@Lori Lori, Thanks for the link to the Magical Color Shower - that is awesome. Interesting, my CD also starts with breathing - I think that is so important. Glad to have another meditation to add to my repertoire.
Yes - it is ironic that we continually find ways to try to recreate the most natural of things. I suppose it is necessary in our fast paced day to day, but it sure would be nice to simplify without all these extra 'things'. I keep trying to simplify, simplify, simplify and whenever I do, I always feel better. I guess we keep striving and doing the best we can to get back to basics :)
When I researched the light boxes, I found them on Amazon, by Phillips. Let me know what you think if you do happen to pick one up
I was so glad to see this topic, because I have big struggles with sleep (for about 8 of so years) It definitely started with stress, but I am similar to Melody in that I am a natural night owl. I much prefer to stay up late and sleep later, but, of course, that is not an option for me. I have read that natural light can help re-set your clock, with I think is true, but I rarely have time to sit outside for the recommended 15 minutes in the AM. I have contemplated getting a 'blue light' box to keep it next to me while I am getting ready. They get great reviews.
One thing I do in when I get in bed at night is what I consider a form of meditation. I learned this technique when I went to a hypnotist once. What I learned about hypnotism is that it is not "putting you to sleep", rather it is the act of getting you to the semi-concious state similar to the very first state of sleep. Hmmmm, sounds about right. The hypnotist created a CD for me in which she talked me into a state of relaxation by creating a visual of a beautiful, safe environment in my mind, combined with the exercise of starting at your toes and relaxing each part of your body as you mentally walk all the way up. Much emphasis is put on the hips, hands, shoulders and face, where we hold a lot of stress. One thing I found amazing is mow much stress you carry in your face - your eye sockets, jaw and mouth. I suggest anyone at least try the facial relaxation at night...it does wonders. I have listened to the CD so many times, that I have it committed to memory and don't need it anymore. I just run through it in my mind.
I also find that the position of laying on my back helps with my feet elevated. Weird, but it just does work.
Even with this, I still have a night or 2 each week that I can't quite get to sleep, so I find that if I move locations (to another room), I can more easily fall asleep. I think this one is purely psychological, but if it works, I go with it.
I think the last thing I need to do, per yourself and so many on here, is unplug earlier. It's clearly working for you, so I think it is worth a try.
BTW, I had one of those Zen clocks years ago. I really liked it. It uses a chime to wake you, starting out at first very faint and gradually getting louder each time it rings. Now they have them with simulated natural light that gets brighter with each ring. I just haven't invested in a new one since mine conked out. Just wanted to share in case anyone wanted to look into one. No' snooze' though, for those that love their snoozing.
Hi Lori, such a wide array of inspirations from your post and all of the comments. I am definitely not as well-read as yourself and many others here - I am a work in progress, and I am OK with that :) I do find that I am most inspired by small acts and the simplest of things....a generous act of kindness I witness, smiles and encouragement at a difficult times, noticing things in nature, Yoga principles....just the everyday things that warm your heart. I love Galen and sons "Christmas Spiders"...how wonderful! 2 books that come to mind are "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein and "Light on Life" by B.K.S. Iyengar...so many more, but like I said..the simpler, the better.
@Lori Hi Lori,
It's interesting, I think since my son is young, some of this will have to come later, but I suppose we do adapt for his 7 years. Lately, we have been talking a lot about bullying. Our first small incident came a few weeks ago when he came home and told me about an older boy who pretended to hit him. The Mr. and I talked about it a lot and are trying to share advice about confidence and how to handle these situations. It's tough though - the good thing is that there are so many great resources about bullying, so I am trying to read up some. We also focus quite a bit on treating others as you expect to be treated, selflessness (very important as an only child) and responsibility. At this age, it is tricky, and I think you have to just be repetitive with these things, because it's hard for them to pay attention and you hope they are taking it in. Repetition worked with me, although I didn't like it at the time. Only time will tell with my own young man.
Love this topic!! How awesome, Lori, that your Dad was so supportive of your book journey. It is such a comfort to turn to your parents in times of big decision making. That always felt like a little safety net to me.
I love your example of "Pardon Me". My mom said that one too and I had forgotten all about it. Glad to add it back into my repetoir!!
Let's see..... a few of the ones that really stuck with me:
1. Dad: "You make your bed, you lie in it". He always added; "I will always be here for you, but you will be responsible for your own decisions": This had a great impact on me because although I knew he loved me immensely and would be there to listen, but I also knew he wasn't kidding and I would have to work my way out of any trouble I got myself into - he wasn't about to 'fix' anything for me.
2. Mom: "Anything worth doing, is worth doing well"
3. Dad: "Many, people will come and go in your life, but in the end If you can count your true friends on your 1 hand, you are very lucky". I have found this to be true. I have all kinds of friends and people I care about, but the ones that I know I can count on or call in the meddle of the night in an emergency and vice versa...well, they are about 5. And, to think when he told me this back in my teens, I thought it was crazy-talk!!
Hi Hajra,
Nice to meet you via LFI. Thanks for sharing your mechanisms for dealing with your challenges through the years. Interesting how they changed over time or maybe there are different mechanisms for different types of life challenges. I find that the case for myself....it depends on the degree of the problem. I have to agree with Elena that having a young child (mine is on the way to 7 next week) helps ease pain and put things in perspective. They are so resilient and things roll off their back and that tends to be contagious. I tend not to dwell on things, but I do use retail therapy occasionally. I also tend to retreat into books - I think it is a combination of the solitude and the escape that is a salve for me. I am definitely a person that needs solitude to manage through difficult times. My husband is so good at just letting me 'be' when I go through those times and I generally come out stronger and lighter afterwards.
LoriHajra Lori, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Sending prayers and warm thoughts your way.