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Have fun y'all. My comment got deleted.
Short version: vigilance. Boundaries. No tolerance, no discussion.
1 hour, 19 minutes ago on This Friday! Let’s Talk Social Consequences of Interracial Dating!
Very pretty. That headband is very cute too. I hope you're getting enough sleep... Am I imagining that you look tired?
1 hour, 36 minutes ago on Creamy, Smooth, Holiday-Photo-Ready Skin and Make Up!
Spend more time talking to her. as you never know how long you will have her company to enjoy.
22 hours, 52 minutes ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.
Yes, I see your point.
1 day, 17 hours ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.
Which is why it is important to get this structure set up sooner than later. I would be curious to know what she herself thinks of the situation, and how she sees her life going on. That could be a starting point to connect all those familial demands to what she is capable of doing right now. Looks like baby steps at first, but will be doable.
I have a friend who is a doctor, who admitted to me that she no longer hears that full signal that her body sends. So she keeps eating, or at least cleans her plate.
Getting joy and satisfaction from food is not bad, but this does not negate the fact that addiction and food addiction is real. Yes, the body is trained, the brain is rewired to get this satisfaction from eating, but where satisfaction moves into 'i have to eat this even if I am not hungry'. Or 'i will eat this and then I will feel better.' Is addiction.
And just because our body says that tastes good, doesn't mean it is good for us. Consider.the amount of €$£ food companies put into making their potato chips look, taste and crunch just right!
I have controversial views on food too: eg. We should probably be eating more fats/proteins and less sugars in order to feel fuller longer.
Otherwise, I think you're spot on.
I used to be teased too. Back in high school, I'd have rather drunk Pepsi than water. I know.
1 day, 18 hours ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.
What is AA?
Think of three years as gentle withdrawal. Your body will react if you go cold turkey.
Yeah, it's an acquired taste, but you can acquire it. The thing about milk chocolate,is the sugar content (and the fine print is soo hard to read!) and the fats (milk fats and the healthy nut fats, but still) that quickly adds up. Maybe you could alternate cola and chocolate days.
I found that as I cut sugar out of other areas, the cravings came less often, until one square of chocolate was enough, and then some evenings I didn't need it.
If you feel you've hit a plateau in your cutbacks, don't be afraid to check out a nutritionist or other specialist who can give you targeted advice. I would say thecost would be worth it, to acquire tools and info to improve yourhealth.
Not cold turkey, but how would cutting back look for you? Maybe switching to cans and having one a day?
Or how about switching your chocolate to an organic 80% dark chocolate? Treat yourself, go for a really good one and treat yourself to a square or two in the evenings?
Full disclosure: I used tobe addicted to Mountain Dew, Doritos and Cheetos. Doritos are now being imported to Germany, so I have to work on that still.
1 day, 19 hours ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.
No interest in learning todrive? How does she get her shopping done?
I think(and this is only my two cents), that if you and other family members close by, they will haveto bring her backinto the fold: calling and visiting every day. I cannot imagine how depressing it must be for her, losing her mother, her lifeline.
Counselling, driving lessons, and some sort of training sooner rather than later, as this may add structure in her life. Having somewhere to go and things to do can help stave off depression before the real grieving work begins.
Does she have her GED? What sort of job/career dreams does/did she have when she was younger?
I think we talked here before about how the body acceptance movement, as it relates to obesity, isn't always in the best interest of BW, with the "you go with your sassy overweight/curvy/thick self" rhetoric, when it ignores relevant, blatant health issues. It's what I would file on the okey-doke shelf along with "potential mates should like me only for what's on the inside" among others...
I know, but that's really their projection, isn't it?
Just watched the video: i am praying for you and your family. I understand that the next three months are going to be about making your half-sis' last days as comfortable as possible and letting go.
How is your niece holding up?
I cosign, and have to add: Thank you! Glad to know I am not alone. I think I'm alright for pushing 40, but I'm realizing I have to do more work to keep/get my waist back. I'm not sure if I'm an Apple, a Pear or a rectangle, because of this.
You may not believe it, but the sugar cravings will go away. It just takes time for your body to adjust. It is not an easy road. I have spent the last year or so cutting down on sugar. First reducing the amount in my coffee and tea, then cutting that out. Afterwards, I stopped eating jam and marmelade every day for breakfast...
My serious cravings are the salty, cheesy, crunchies. So, don't think I'm one to talk: I'm still not there yet. I think just not having that stuff in the house helps, but also having a backup: what can I munch when I feel the craving coming on? I go for rice cakes. And how to treat ourselves when we've had a good week. When I was doing Jorge Cruise's Slim Belly challenge, I really came to appreciate my one square of dark chocolate.
1 day, 20 hours ago on Obesity Wins Again. My Half-Sister Is Dying.
Other things can give joy too... A nice massage, a mani-pedi, or even a nicer face cream or body lotion. We do not give our selves permission to treat ourselves once in a while, or even regularly.
It is only fat-shaming if you make a value judgment about the person BASED on their weight (imho).
I've had a similar control issue dynamic with my son (just about homework, but still). It is so sad, that it gets to be a self-perpetuating cycle...
3 days ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post
So, Christelyn, if you do Ever work with her again or other celebrities, please don't publicize it. Maybe on the forum, but not out here on the porch, or elsewhere.
Privacy should be the first and last words here. Because we want to put BW interests first.
Yes, IDC issued the challenge, but that marketing gag has now flopped big time, and they'll be on to their next big thing. And Jacque has to cool it for a while. Wasting valuable time (even if she's not planning on starting a family).
I believe she should keep this part of her life firmly private, because once you open this door, people will always be pushing in, thinking they have the right to say something.
Agree. Many will see such an announcement as a dialogue, implying some kinda back and forth, or like an invitation to 'discuss' it or seek approval.
3 days, 1 hour ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post
In your profile pic you're wearing a blue shirt. Why not try out a shirt in that strong blue, and the lighter blue of that stripe? See which ones you prefer. Whichever one pleases you best, ask the shop clerk for the same tone intensity but different colours.
3 days, 1 hour ago on AAWG: The Savage Plan for the Swirling Man
Meddling? I'm hurt! But look how well you did?!
You have my stamp of approval. Nice dress shoes will elevate a jeans and dress shirt look. doesn't always have to be slacks.
I agree. A girl's friends would be pulling her off, and calming her down rather than fighting the people holding her back. In Jamaica, people are maybe more cautious because a fight could actually turn deadly...
3 days, 1 hour ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?
That was her brother. He was saying 'don't pull my sister's hair.' why wasn't he saying,"hey sis, calm down.' Where are the peacemakers? Especially in the second video, that guy filming is giggling like mad, tickled pink that a black girl is 'going off'.
Still no excuse for a girl to lift her hand and foot to beat another child of God. Imho.
3 days, 2 hours ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?
Agree. Sometimes celebrities need to keep the private private.
3 days, 20 hours ago on Sad News. Jacque Reid Pulled Out if the IR Dating Challenge, and it’s All Over the New York Post
I believe there are lots of ideal men out there, depending on your requirements and where you are looking...
3 days, 20 hours ago on Jim’s Story: He Was Never Going to Be Her ‘IBM,’ But…
So Chris: firstly, you're attracting ants coz you're so sweet.
Secondly, looove your beach jewelry. So pretty.
Thirdly, that Caribbean accent was truly awful, should only be brought out for Halloween!LOL!
Enjoy the rest of your vacay!
What struck me, as Chris read the letter, is the false logic: I am not X or y, therefore I am not pretty. But x and y are not the only definitions of pretty. If you can break that logic, rewrite it with other images, and reinforce it, then you will build up your self esteem.
I mean, we cannot look at women like Diahann Carroll, Josephine Baker, Beverly Johnson, Iman, Alek Wek, Lupita Nyong'o, Eartha Kitt, the Williams sisters, and the list is long, so pick your favorite, any deny their beauty. And as we know from Logic101, even one exception disproves that 'rule'.
1 week, 2 days ago on QOTW: “How Do I Stop Believing I’m Undesirable?”
I tried banishing jeans for a week: just skirts and dresses. I got so many compliments, friendly smiles from men. I started to pay attention to making my hair soft-looking instead of scraped back: the same. Men would stop me and ask for directions.
Exactly!! Thanks! Going to bookmark it now!
I remember trying out some of the tips there, and being flabbergasted at how well they worked! And I had originally thought, We BW just have to soldier on through! Especially living in Europe.
Sooo not the case. Maye @Chris should link this, or ask to guest post... Coz this changed my life.
Maybe a BW beat him out for a job, and he was feeling bitter... And that was his petty revenge.
Great collection! Looking at these every morning and evening could easily replace saying a mantra! LOL!
It reminds me of an essay I read online a while back, about BW femininity, which really pinpointed the practical ways that BW could manage their personal image: from the innocent, to the girl next door, the classy lady (tropes that BW should be taking advantage of, to reclaim our femininity)... Nothing too over the top sexy or tacky... I wish I could still access it, but it was made private a while back.
Ooh, how can I find your board?
It's great that you are working on your self-esteem.
1. Know that you are not alone. Many BW struggle with these feelings.
2. Say a mantra to yourself while looking in the mirror. (I borrowed this from Nerdyand Fantastic) "Yes, I am beautiful" (it may feel stupid at first, but stick with it, it is the start of looking at yourself with approving eyes)
3. Know your own power. Do you realize you just gifted a 'nobody' on the Internet with the power to make you feel bad? The fact that you remember a comment that a stranger made one year ago, that was not made to you or about you, is giving your power away.
4. Choose wisely the things you expose yourself to. Be it Internet, or real life. (My life is no less rich, because I avoid websites by racists, pick up artists, misogynists and the like.)
And because my daywouldn't be complete without a fabulous Coco Chanel quote: she once said "what do I think of you? I don't think of you at all." Which is a healthy attitude to have towards people who want to put BW down. That and hysterical laughter...
Love this! I am married, but would have gone on any of these dates. I have to agree that these dates encourage talking and bonding, which is lacking from the cinema/comedy club versions.
You could also add hiking, bike+picnic kinda stuff, but I guess that's in your Phase 3. ;-)
2 weeks ago on AAWG: Wow her with your Whiteness by Savage Tango
I agree. He needs to step to the side and make way for someone else in the queue who is sure. But men aren't always like that...some want to hedge their bets. Along the lines of: a bird in the hand...
Young ladies need to realize this, and keep their options open: so I hope she puts out more messages to other eligible young men, and not let this guy monopolize her time.
2 weeks ago on On Vetting: When a Guy Expresses Doubts About Interracial Dating…
Exactly! He's trying to be anInternet playa.
I was on holiday in France,and a guy was trying to flirt with me to get me to sign up for his sculpture class. He was trying to guess where I was from, as he knew my french wasn't good enough to be french. His FIRST guess after asking about the UK,was "are you from Holland?"
He nearly fell over when I said Germany.
I feel sad, if he thinks that BW from the US are so easy to trick...
I saw that BrownZara already chimed in. My two cents (you don't really need to see me laughing like a fool on the Internet!) that is such a bald-faced LIE, that you need to break off contact with this fool, with a QUICKNESS!
Here's why: france and the Netherlands have the most BP becauseof their colonial histories. So if this guy is dishing this lie, He's playing you for a fool, taking advantage of your possible ignorance, and manipulating you into giving him your limited online attention while stringing you along. And you do not want a manipulative man like that.
Secondly, you do not want a guy who is telling you 'why not'. You want a guy who is telling you and working to persuade you why a relationship can work, how it can get to the next level. He should be begging you to give him a chance, despite distance and bureaucracy...
That's a man of action, a man with a plan. You want a man practically harrassing you to put your passport application on 'express' because he can't wait to see you.... Like Ms Chicago404's suitor who is willing to move to another country if she will give him a chance LOL!
The kind of man who will find out who is in charge of your visa application at your nearest embassy, and in his hometown, find out their names, straightline office extension numbers, and ring them every two days for a status report. My boyfriend rang me at home to tell me I could go pick up my visa before the embassy got around to it. When I got there, they adressed my BY name and suggested that I marry him!
I am an average looking BW (as Evia would say), so Trust me when I say you too are WORTH this kind of attention. Which is my longwinded way of saying this guy is not the one for you.
What was on your list, that made the pediatrician say that?
2 weeks, 1 day ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?
Ladies, I just want to put out to the younguns, that you should always be aware of your goals. If these are to marry and start a family, don't let it take 30+ years (have I done the math right?) to realize which friends, or groups have your best interests at heart to get you to the goal.
At first I was thinking the response here was harsh, but I realize we at BBW are very much into each one taking responsibility for her own life. I could understand if one was born into the restrictive church, it could be harder to let go...
2 weeks, 1 day ago on How the ‘Black Church’ Cheated this Woman Out of the Possibility of Marriage with Kids…
It is as simple as: who you chose sets up your future
A guy who is already overweight = health issues like diabetes, high blood pressure, evtl. Back problems
A guy who is blue collar (when you are not!) = insecurity problems, infidelity (not in all cases, but this is only a thought exercise), lack of understandingas to why you put so much effort into your work, etc
A guy below your standards = both he and you know that he'll never live up to. Not fair on him. Or on you.
2 weeks, 2 days ago on Honest Question: What Do Folks Expect Quality Black Women to Do? Shrivel Up and Die?
I know, I'm riding this post hard, but still.
Tips for Uni students
-As soon as you can, check out which foreign Unis your school has links with: be it networking, research projects, official exchange programmes, etc.
-if you are in MINT area of study, it may be possible to arrange a visit to a foreign Uni to write your Final paper/project etc. i know several Unis offer courses in English in psychology(coz I checked it out a while back for my cousin)
-then check if your department has Any special links. Then find out the name of the person who is in charge of this.
-you need to find as much information about this programme as possible (which year can you go, wha prereqs you need, how are the participants chosen)
-make contact with that person (an appointment or if the person has 10 minutes free) and go with a list of questions. Make it very clear early on that you want to go on this exchange, and what can you do to make this happen. Be prepared to wait a year, just gives you more time to prepare.
If you give the person enough time, you would be surprised what can happen! I had a Uni programme planner ring me and ask if I would like to go from my Uni via Spelman through their exchange programme to Rutgers, which had courses that were a better fit for me. (And be sure To send that hard worker a thank you card for extra effort!)
-Do not be afraid to ask questions once you get the green light about where you will be housed. And how you will get to the campus/institute.
-get an international student ID card. Google it, and get one. You can get significant savings on train, tram tickets, youth hostel prices. Coz once in Europe, your local school ID isn't really valid. This is the second most important thing you can get, AFTER your passport. Trust me.
-do get to the library and find out about the country and city. Even a bit about the history of the Uni.
-get a map/googlemaps and pinpoint where "your institute" is, and where you will live. Also look on line: did you know each city in Germany has a website? And each Uni has English language pages.
2 weeks, 3 days ago on SHARE: Dating Outside of the States 2. Gems from the Thread
A lot of things get excused because 'you should realize how lucky you are to have someone catcalling you.'
And 'why you tryna give a brutha a hard time?'
And 'I was jus playin'...
2 weeks, 3 days ago on So…Street Harassment is Important Now That White Women Are the Focus?
The only answer to that question, is another question: what number is good for you? And why do you want to know?
A word about breakups: it is pretty clear what the difference between a breakup and a break is, isn't it? I'm kinda old school, but a break, is putting someone on hold while looking for someone better. A breakup means the person is hitting the reset button and has to start off at zero agin, winning my trust etc. (well no, after a breakup, the guy starts from the back of the line) This is why I strongly advise women don't get tricked into taking a break, when it really should be a breakup.
That guy is playing you, Ms. letter-writer. He's trying to jump the line by pretending y'all were on a break. And you LET him! Just no. You clearly are fly enough to have been dating during the breakup, so you are fly enough to find someone after this guy.
Do NOT put any effort into getting back with this guy. He is trying to get the upper hand in the relationship by guilting you. Do you really want someone so manipulative? Plus, he prolly wants you on the shelf until he finds someone else (and is therefore hurt that you moved on quicker than he did).
Yes you feel sad, but that is good: your heart is in the right place and is in working order. Nothing wrong with you. So as Coco Chanel would say, get some lipstick on and get out there!
2 weeks, 3 days ago on On Vetting: How Men Run Game By Holding Your Past Against You!
Have to extend a lot of that privilege to BW from the English-speaking Caribbean as well...
You wouldn't believe the impact your FLOTUS, Mrs Obama has single-handedly had on BW image worldwide!