Avoc42883
- 248 comments
- 296 likes given
- 1217 likes received
Bio not provided
@DWB @Avoc42883 yes that's exactly what I'm saying. My knowledge of this (notice I didn't say belief) is that for some people they realize their sexual orientation at pre-teen age or a bit younger, even though (hopefully) they aren't sexually active.
Now I say hopefully because I don't think its a great idea for pre-teens especially or even teens to be sexually active because of the emotional ramifications in addition to the physical/biological risks we are all well aware of.
But that's part of the danger of reducing homosexuality down to an "act" if its an "act", nothing more nothing less, then what difference does it make how or when I have it? If I have it at 14 with a 40 year old man and don't use protection for example?
as for the attraction, based on my knowledge sexuality isn't a binary state, LGBTQ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning. I don't honestly think that if you are questioning that engaging in a sex act will make the decision for you or that doing that is necessarily healthy sexual behavior. Or that if you are gay, having heterosexual sex will make you straight.
...sorry for the tangent...
@DWB what does that have to do with sex in the gendered sense? You asked me if I believe in more than one sex? I was talking about intercourse. Not whether there is another classification beyond male and female.
As for homosexuality beyond the sex act whether you have sex or not you are still gay, just like when I was a virgin and a teenager I was still heterosexual.
If the closeted pastor has sex with a man on Saturday night and then comes into church on Sunday and gives a sermon denouncing homosexuality, he's still gay. He wasn't just gay for one night.
@DWB I'm not sure what you mean exactly? Not being smart but can you clarify? Because this question sounds more of a scientific nature. But I'm not sure what sex has to do with homosexuality exactly.
EnJay: " I think a lot of people reduce homosexuality as an "act," and just focus on the sex act."
Yep, and to that effect it actually makes homophobia more perverse when you think about it.
As for Gabourey's comment a lot of people are sidestepping her comment and denying it because they are polite. For clarification go to a more "ratchet" site and see the comments on her there.... lol.
LOL no surprises here. I don't take urban clients anymore, I need my sanity. But there are PLENTY of people who work in hip-hop/urban related fields that would have NOTHING to do with the demographic they are marketing to or the rappers they work with.
I once had someone (a black woman, who only dated white men btw) offer me a job with a rapper, I declined and her pitch was this.. "look Avoc I can tell you don't listen to this shit and neither do I, but a job's a job, its a lot easier in many ways, think about it" .
On multiple occasions I've heard people refer to their customers/demographic as "those people" or "these people". We all know what "those people" means....
@Elegance @Avoc42883 "I think MRAs are just as bad as feminists." Here's the thing though, MRA is an inherently extremely position there is no moderate MRA because the entire thing is based on a manipulation of the definition of feminism, feminism in its actual definition isn’t and doesn't have to be, but sadly its often misused, trivialized and taken too far.
I agree that men have their own social pressures to deal with, particularly white men, and to an extent Asian men. But this goes back to the pedestal argument. If you want to be on that pedestal or part of the group that occupies the space on the pedestal and accept the fringe benefits, you have to accept being held to a certain (often impossible) standard. White men and Asian men are assumed by default to be providers and those that aren't are seen as "defective" and we wonder why they are more likely to "snap"?
Black men, however, are often applauded for doing the bare minimum because doing less is the expected norm. Existing in a realm of low expectations while still retaining male privilege is a pretty sweet deal when you think about it.
This is not surprising to me, but I'm quite sure the average (read: mostly white) woman's beef with feminism is somewhat different from many black women's beef with feminism. My issue with contemporary modes of feminism is that in can often exist in an academic vacuum whilst in practice, its manipulated to benefit the vocal majority declaring many groups invisible. I've even noticed that the black women who side with contemporary feminism often dominate the conversation, coming from a place of privilege. e.g. a clutch article written by a woman who got knocked up in GRAD SCHOOL as a response to the Bloomberg campaign aimed at TEEN PREGNANCY for a population that likely won't finish HIGH SCHOOL.
On a side note, what I find really disturbing about these kinds of discussion is the women in them who sympathize with MRA's. That literally terrifies me. You know who makes up a decent part of MRA's? DBR black men. They love it. Several of them frequently troll Clutch. The MRA ideology is often used to explain the decline of the black community. That black women are feminism on steroids and its black women's fault so many of them are single mothers because they "scare" all the black men away. Black women are scaring men huh? Black women are super feminists huh? Yep, I'm sure that explains the fact that we are several times more likely to be raped, assaulted, and murdered than white women. It must be because black women are so "scary".
Since a few people have commented about how their asian partner's family has reacted, can anyone who has been in a similar situation share how your own family reacted knowing that your partner's family didn't accept you? Did you get any "I told you so's?"
As someone engaged to a an East Indian man with a friend who is also engaged to an East Asian man. We have both heard our fair share of "girl, watch out, they hate black people!" warnings.
I understand cultural sensitivity is necessary, but if something doesn't work for you, it just doesn't work for you, period the end, get out. I met my soon to be in-laws early on in the relationship. I flat out asked him before then whether or not his parents would have a problem with my race. He assured me it would be no problem, and it hasn't been. His parents are not "Americanized" but he is. His mother is controlling or at least tries to be, but he has her at arms length when need be and has no problem telling her when to stay out of his/our business. She's been nothing but loving and accepting towards me.
I think Christelyn is being very understanding here but failing to acknowledge a certain aspect of the dynamic between foreign born parents and their American born children. As someone with a foreign family I speak from experience. My mother can give you the silent treatment like there is no tomorrow.
The reason these boyfriends are running into these issues is because for years they played the passive aggressive, "yes man" game with their parents, never asserting themselves, ever. They simply did things behind their parents back in situations where their parents might not approve, or manipulated situations to make it seem like they were being good, obedient sons.
The thing is you can't really hide a marriage to a black woman from your parents. So now they have to come clean. Assume the guy is in his early 30's, so his mother has now had 30 something years of him doing whatever she wants (or so she thinks) and then all of a sudden he comes out of left field with something major like this. Of course she'll go nuts. This is the consequence of playing the "good son" for all those years.
This isn't about hair, its a lot deeper and a lot sicker than that. Its about the constant need to "knock" Beyonce down a peg by pointing out that no matter what she's a "negro" and so are her kids. Remember the obsession with whether or not her daughter would turn out looking like Jay-Z? Or the slick jokes about how her baby won't be born with a blonde weave? Its no different than the trolls that e-mail Christelyn to make comments about her appearance. What does it say about a person when their go to insult is "you're black, don't forget it"?
While society has changed if you are a man in your 50's there is also the issue of opportunity. For example say the man's first wife was his highschool sweetheart. Well we still live in a segregated society, more so back then, due to several factors, his high-school sweetheart would also be white. It doesn't mean he was consciously choosing a white woman, its just what was available to him and he picked a suitable mate from that pool, same thing goes if he had met his wife at college or at work.
Now say that man is now divorced, and he prefers younger women. If it wasn't a young black woman, it would have been a young white woman, a young asian woman, etc. So why is it an issue if its a young black woman?
@Elegance @Toni_M @Christelyn @IAOSingleMoms I'd also like to add that when it comes to who is "built that way", there is a massive diet industry in East Asia, liposuction and diet training programs are big business in Korea, and if you go into an Asian market in Chinatown/Flushing here in NYC etc there are TONS upon TONS of diet teas, and "slimming creams".
@Toni_M @Christelyn @Elegance @IAOSingleMoms yep, this is why when we talk about the pedestal, especially when it comes to putting brown-skinned women on the pedestal (though colorism is a whole other ball of wax) we are going to have to accept that the woman on the pedestal might not have the same body as us as she is being held to hollywood/media standards. Kerry Washington anyone?
We are forgetting the simple fact that there is someone with our skin color on that pedestal benefits us all.
I think the expectation that black women are to be completely "untouched" by those standards is completely ridiculous. And Queen Latifah and Hattie McDaniel types aren't being placed on the pedestal either, they are simply allowed to occupy the empty space around it every once in a while.
Some white women often fight to be off the pedestal because they don't want the obligations while they are simultaneously reaping the benefits of being there. Some black women want these same benefits and want to occupy that space without the obligations. It doesn't work that way.
@Christelyn @Elegance @IAOSingleMoms I've heard women say that as well. But they are lying to themselves and making excuses. If you are truly curvy no amount of weight loss or fitness will change that. I can personally confirm there are women in hollywood/media, black and otherwise that are considered "curvy" or voluptuous but can easily fit a sample size dress to wear to an event or on set. This entire conversation is so muddled because we keep equating curvy with fat and thin/fit with anorexic/scary skinny.
@The Working Home Keeper @Kiera @IAOSingleMoms its funny everyone always mentions baby got back, lol. seriously, watch the video on youtube and then find a fat woman in it, I dare you.
@clmason @Avoc42883 nothing in this post implies that black women should feed into a vapid and misogynistic mindset so I'm not sure what you are getting at.
@foreverhopeful Yes I hope she gets help as well but even speaking to someone as a woman of color can be very difficult because you can't always find empathy.
I get this vibe some of the posters here dismiss eating disorders and the commenters mentality as "some crazy white girl stuff" without realizing the external factors that come into play. The thing about disordered eating is its really hard to correct your behavior when those around you are praising you for it. and encouraging it.
To anyone commenting to the young lady below, I don't think some of you have a true understanding of the type of environment she is likely dealing with. Many young (white) men at that age simply won't acknowledge women who aren't a size 0/2. They flat out ignore you and look past you or they act as if you are only good for sex.. Even the ones that like a different body type won't admit it because of peer pressure and fear of ridicule.
As someone else stated on this post, "fat-hate" among younger white men is VERY real. I went to a predominately white high-school and college. My white female friends would often just split a candy bar for lunch, I saw others eat plain lettuce with tuna and that would be all they ate all day. They were praised for being "hot", at that age I was an absolute beanpole so I also had the "pleasure" of being considered hot too.
Well when you are super skinny you hear all the cruel things boys say about heavier girls and it feeds into your desire to keep your weight down.
When my younger brother was in college, a frat got in trouble because they sent out a party invite stating that they were going to weigh girls at the door and any girl that gets into the party and wears over a size 2 "deserved to be raped". He told me a lot of guys who saw the invite found it hilarious.
When I was in school I had a roommate one year, a hispanic girl on scholarship who lived in a mostly black/hispanic neighborhood. She was used to getting a lot of attention because of her fair skin, long hair and green eyes. She was about 5 feet tall and a size 6 with a curvaceous lower half. At school most of the boys pretty much ignored her, it was a huge culture shock for her and caused her deep depression. I saw this happen to a lot of black and hispanic women when I was in college given the high number of affluent whites at my school.
To the young lady below, please strive to have the fittest HEALTHIEST body you can and trust me after college it will get better, especially if you travel and get out there in the country/world. I know that starvation seems like a solution but it will hurt your metabolism in the long run and affect your health and grades. I know it isn't fair but please, please try and focus on your studies and building a network of friends, it WILL payoff, trust me.
I wanted to add something else, for any of the younger women who are considering entering "glamourous" "sexy" fields like media, entertainment, pr, fashion be aware of the fact that you will spend LONG hours working surrounded by straight women and gay men. This can make dating VERY hard. And the superficial mentality in these fields breeds chauvinistic attitudes in the few straight men available. I know a lot of single women in my field who are having a hard time now and are well into their thirties. If you want to enter these fields meeting someone through your college/grad network of friends is really crucial. I'm only really, truly realizing this as I get older and I'm very lucky I was able to meet someone amazing in college.
Most of my friends that have met their significant other through work were working in more male dominated fields, medical, law, tech industry.
@Aabaakawad @Avoc42883 lol. it can't possibly make it worth it. I'm no apologist, but if we are laughing at fake "mrs. orman", then we also need to laugh at the "real" mrs. orman".
I can't imagine one of my female friends calling me up like "ooo girl, I just met a great guy! He's 70, he has 4 maybe 5 maybe 6 kids from previous relationships and he just left his partner of 40 years high and dry. I'm so excited!"