I am a teacher, but then again, aren't we all in some manner or another? How do we change the world? One person, one lesson at a time.
Why the senseless violence? Just sickening....
8 hours, 11 minutes ago on DBRs Abound – A True Murder In The First
@Heidi49 Good for you, truly. Your son sounds like a wonderful man.... that is awesome. Your daughter isnt going to go wrong either with that plan. How old is she?
1 day, 20 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?
@Chicago404 That is a sad story. As a man (no color qualifier needed... ) I love to dote on my lady..... make her feel special.... just let her KNOW how I love her even without saying it (though I probable say it ten times a day at least)
1 day, 20 hours ago on How Yours Truly Played Cupid with New Power Couple, Film Maker Chris Silber and Dr. Misee Harris
Congrats and much happiness to the wonderful couple....
4 days, 13 hours ago on How Yours Truly Played Cupid with New Power Couple, Film Maker Chris Silber and Dr. Misee Harris
@SirLoinDeBeef @jpopforever28 @Brenda55 @Divalicious @BWC "This is, after all, a woman's site, run by and for women - it takes a special kind of courageous male to comment and participate in debates here."
It does. It takes a set of big brass ones to come in here sometimes... not for the faint of heart.. but those debates (heck even just participating in the community here) can be so wonderfully rewarding.... supportive... thought provoking.... educational..... I say this in all sincerity - I firmly believe that what I bring to a relationship is much stronger for things I have shared and learned within this community.
4 days, 13 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?
@Divalicious @Brenda55 @bellechose "The title of the thread was should I tell my daughter not to date black men? What does that suggest esp coming from a BW? What type of responses do you think you will get with a title like that?"
OK, so Diva, did you actually READ the whole post or just the title? Because the advice in the post - as is very much the message on this blog all the time - is about choice and choosing wisely. NOT stereotyping all black men. OF COURSE there are good and bad across all races... hence the message of Choosing Wisely... of no limits.... focusing on the possibilities.
I swear sometimes it seems like folks do a search on "Black men" and start commenting without reading anything more because they immediately assume the need to start defending the entire group.
Look, black women - as a group and in general - are proudly standing up and knowing that they are as valuable as anyone else (we ALL are.. need to understand that...) and joining ranks with everyone else in the world. Yet is seems like some black men - in general... there are many that do not have this issue - have not yet gotten the memo and still suffer this unbelievable inferiority complex. To those....Guys... you are only as inferior as you might make yourself... you too are as valued as you choose to be.... We (WM) are not taking "your" women. Women are women, with no racial qualifier in front of that word. They are OUR (all men) women and they are looking for a quality mate. To all men... be quality and you will get a quality woman. Love and cherish her... respect her... you will get all that back from her.
Geez... this stuff is NOT that hard.....
@Divalicious @Brenda55 "goodbye, hon. Now don't forget to take your lithium... it will keep your 'mood' stabilized"
Really? Really????? One of the wonderful things about this community is that it is a safe place for intelligent conversation. We can disagree, but it is ALWAYS a respectful place. I think it is safe to say the majority of us here like it that way and want to keep it that way. Rude and disrespectful will not be tolerated. Everyone's opinion is valued.. whether a person may agree with it or not... intelligent discourse is awesome. Blogmistress and the moderators work hard to keep it the way it is.... Come correct here or dont come at all. Got it? If you dont like the environment, please feel free to find a site more to your liking. Since this is an electronic world and not a physical one, you dont even have to worry about the door hitting you in the ass on the way out. If you want to follow the tone of this safe and respectful environment... welcome. If not... gee, it has been lovely.... BYE....
4 days, 14 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?
@Christelyn @meusedada She looks great. Meusedada.. hang in there.... you look fine. You will meet someone that is right for you.. no matter what color he may be... trust in that
5 days, 14 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?
@DWB @Brenda55 @jpopforever28 @Divalicious @BWC
Actually, "Race" and "Ethnicity" are often confused to be the same thing, and they are not.
@Christelyn She is a wonderful young lady with her head on straight (and you can tell her I said that..... ;) ). I love seeing young folks with it going on right... learning... growing.... contributing....
5 days, 15 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?
"Tell her there are no limits in her quest to find a man who will love and commit to her.
Focus on the possibilities."
I just want to tug at that little ring at her hip.... that whole outfit would just fall off...
6 days, 4 hours ago on SirLoins Babe Wenesday: Super She/ros
There was even a BB&W post about Zephyr back in 2012. She is even hotter now. And she was a Swirler... she slept with Thor.
Oh ...hell no... you did NOT miss the best of all time... Zephyr.... this thread just lost all legitimacy...
6 days, 5 hours ago on SirLoins Babe Wenesday: Super She/ros
@Brenda55 @harem @Swirlgirl28 "Some stated in interviews that they want their kids to witness what was going on and/ or be a part of it. Really?"
Yes. Really. Ignorance seeks to cultivate ignorance. Just as haters try and breed haters.
1 week, 2 days ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues
@itsallove My son still likes to take credit for my Swirling interests... he had his first real girlfriend back in middle school, who happened to be black, and she was the cutest and sweetest girl ever. They were just so adorable together. That was before my real awakening to my dating and relationship interests... so he says he is the one that got me into it!
1 week, 3 days ago on Here’s Another Rainbeau Who Just Came Out of Lurkdom
@Statuesque Hey, Statuesque... that was fantastic...
1 week, 3 days ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues
@Sfbta "Even if one is pointing out something about the other; so what; discuss it. You're in love aren't you!!!!"
And both of your lives will be richer for having done so....
1 week, 4 days ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues
@Maxine @Zetahille @Keioni "our vaginas have teeth"
Wow... I am a Biology teacher and I didnt even know that....
1 week, 4 days ago on Stay Away from Sociopathic Men Who Wish to Corrupt and Shackle You Via Single Motherhood!
Your husband is correct. It does take a certain kind of man to take on two or more people at once. You have to WANT to. You are impacting more than one life... and you will keep impacting it forever no matter what may happen with your relationship with the woman. She IS a package deal. Because I have been the man in this situation, I have given a LOT of thought about this. For those of us that do indeed take it on, it can be wonderful. The wonder of raising a child together - no matter what DNA the child carries - is a gift. OK, I get that it isnt for every man. Some guys wont get past the idea that it is some other guy's DNA. But.... shared DNA does NOT a father make. Well, it does make a biological "father". The guy who provided the sperm. Any male can do that. FATHERHOOD starts after that. Let me give an example. My oldest "inherited" daughter (Bee's oldest) and I are still close, despite her mother having passed and despite my being in a new relationship (and Bella is very supportive to me regarding the kids). She has a lot of pressure on her and I at least touch base with her every couple of day. Text... call... swing by there periodically.... drag her off and buy her lunch every now and then. The donor of the sperm that made her is not now and has not ever been in the picture. Oh, he calls every few years and gives her the "Whats up" whenever he needs something to do. She wants no part of him. On Fathers Day I got a text from her that made me cry. Talked about how I was and will forever be the only father in her life. How she appreciated that when I started dating her mother, I took the time and effort to develop and grow the relationship with her and her siblings. Lots of stuff. The look in her eyes when we talk. How she always thanks me for being there, or for stopping by just to give her a hug and check on them, or for just giving her advice. I love her as I love my kids that DO share my DNA.
So tying back to this whole post. Yes, I think it is harder for a single mom to find someone because Yes, I believe it takes someone who wants the whole package and Yes, we are out there. So NO, you are NOT damaged goods. We all bring our own baggage (using the term tongue-in-cheeck) to any situations. We all have "stuff" about us. Online dating brings the quantity to help find someone we may match with, the process just does take a lot of vetting. But those matches are out there.
@MZ Elf @SavageTango Hey my favorite Elf is back! Welcome back, Maam, we missed you.
1 week, 5 days ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
" A BIG change is happening despite the detractors, and BB&W is at the forefront of rewriting history."
I think it is safe to say that most of us agree with Christelyn on that.
"Welcome to the future, folks."
Dont believe it? Just ask Swiffer and Cheerios (General Mills, maybe? Not sure) if THEY believe it. They spoke with their checkbooks...
1 week, 5 days ago on Here’s Another Rainbeau Who Just Came Out of Lurkdom
What a nice looking couple..... much happiness to them.
@Kaiju_Bleu @EarthJeff @WorldTravelingChic @Yorkshireman in Michigan @mim86 "When I'm in the company of a WM admirer, the little black girls and teenage black girls stare with more [positive] fascination than any other group."
That does indeed happen. I had one girl who was among the nastiest and most disrespectful toward me that I had ever seen. She was horrible to me every day. Then when she found out that I had a black girlfriend (it was common knowledge around the school. I had pictures hanging by my desk) her entire attitude toward me changed. Not only did she TRY (not always successful) to be much nicer to me, she turned into my defender when any of the other students even started and would tell them to knock it off.... "Mr. L is cool.... his woman is a Sistah....". So I guess karma does take care of folks....
1 week, 5 days ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@Kaiju_Bleu @EarthJeff @WorldTravelingChic @Yorkshireman in Michigan @mim86 "I wish that all little girls could have that kind of gentle, encouragement from a father figure. You were magnificent."
Thank you, Maam. The thing is... I wasnt trying to be magnificent. I just care and wanted to be able to make her feel better about herself. It isnt even a conscious thought like "oh, I had better say something to her". Really, this stuff comes naturally. Isnt it common sense? I like to hope I am making an impact - positive impact - with my students. Heck, a lot of the young ladies (or young men either) do not have a positive male figure in their lives. It is nice to be able to be a role model for them as to how a man should be. Very few of the young males buy into it at all. I have far more luck making an impact on the young ladies. And they tend to be absolutely fascinated that a white man would be in a serious relationship (not just a guy making a booty call) with a black woman. Sometimes I do like to think I am making an impact there too, growing women who understand they have choices in their relationships. Much like we are doing here in this community.
@WorldTravelingChic @Yorkshireman in Michigan @EarthJeff @mim86 " I'm laughing so hard at the two of you. Love you both for sharing about your learning curves. :D"
Thank you, Maam.... You know how actively I like to share with the community....
One other funny hair story. Most of you that have read my past series (Swirling on Planet Earth) may recall I was a high school senior trip chaperone to a water park and ski resort with 18 kids from a urban school (yes, that was to be POC.... I mean 18 black students). At an indoor water park. And I know all about women getting their hair wet and the time and trouble they have to go through if it does get wet. Anyway, one of the young ladies, I noticed, was climbing up the water slide ahead of me with a towel wrapped on her head, turban style like women do. I asked her about it and she said "Mr. L, I am not going to get my hair wet and I see how much water flies as you slide down". As a science teacher, I felt compelled to explain the physics and forces on both an object in motion and a towel wrapped loosely on her head. She still seemed to think it would be Ok, it would stay, it would protect her hair. Time for another strategy. I explained to her how she was going to land in a POOL and when she got there she was going to hit the water booty first, not feet first first. Now she looked concerned. She goes, I go, When I get to the bottom she is holding a wet towel in her hand. Her locs are soaked. She looks mad and bummed at the same time. I just gave her a smile, told her "you look cute still, look at that boy over there looking at you like he likes you...." and walked away as she smiled.
@Yorkshireman in Michigan @EarthJeff @mim86 "Now i know Saturday is hair cleaning day :)"
Oh yeah, we know that now.. so if there IS a shower sex day, it would be Saturday ....
1 week, 6 days ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@Yorkshireman in Michigan @EarthJeff @mim86 "I would also like to flat iron to the list above Jeff. I had no idea what so ever when i first saw this what it was."
Ahhhh... good one to add. I even have a daughter with curly hair who hates it curly and straightens it (People pay big money for perms.... she pays to straighten it... falls on deaf ears though) and I still didnt know what "Flat iron" to do hair was until I started dating a black woman. Had never heard that term...
@BreannaNouveaux Thank you.
@BreannaNouveaux She was my girlfriend, but yes, I lost her many months ago. I wrote a multi-post series about our relationship,,, you can go to "Search" and search on "EarthJeff". I was blessed enough to find love... lost her... blessed enough to find love again. It has been quite a journey. Still, we all have interesting journeys
@BreannaNouveaux @EarthJeff @mim86 "haha! Did you say "deep conditioning" and "head scarf" YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT WELL, GRASSHOPPER! "
Thank you so much, Maam... Yes I have been well taught... lol I appreciate all my lovely lady has to do to keep her hair and be able to stay cute. Funny story about conditioning. Conditioning to white people is putting that stuff on in the shower for a minute and then rinsing it before you get out of the shower. Well, last year (back before I lost Bee) one day I go to see her after work and she is sitting down on the bed watching TV. I immediately lean over and kiss her on the top of the head and.... get a mouthful of conditioner before she can say anything since she hadnt yet had a chance to put a head scarf on to cover it..... FYI if anyone has ever wondered, that stuff does NOT taste good.... for awhile after that I didnt kiss the top of her head UNLESS she had a head scarf on... lol
@mim86 "(Black hair was something he never EVAH understood before, why would he, and while he still doesnt really "get it", after dating me for a while, he does understands a little bit more about wigs, weaves, natural hair and how long my hair is gonna take regardless of length. Sorry baby, shower sex means I now have to fix my twist out, which involves reconditioning and styling, and aint NOBODY got time for that..except on weekends) "
This one is funny to me because of all the things on the "learning curve for white people" this may very well be the top. I dont know ANYONE white that understands about the differences in black hair and taking care of it unless they already had the chance to climb the learning curve due to being in an IRR. Until I started dating a black woman, geez, I was just as clueless. It isnt racist as much as it is just ignorance. The idea that hair can be different is just not considered by most white people. Hair is hair, right? No. Wigs... natural... weaves... deep conditioning... shampooing frequency.... head scarf at night.... getting wet (Yes... lol... the ramifications of shower sex.... :( ),,,,, That was all lesson for me just as it has been for your boyfriend (or for the man of any of you ladies). So we learn.
Ah yes. The issue related to the melding together of two different races and cultures... something we all (those of us in IRR's) face. The element of comfort level of race, and of being able to talk about racial issues. First of all, you mention "Sometimes I think some white people, for fear of sounding racist, are just afraid to even address the issue of race. I think he falls into this category to a degree. " I think there is some truth to this that some white people are afraid to talk about race for fear of sounding racist (or to be accused of sounding racist even if they arent), If he falls into this category, he needs to LEARN to get comfortable with discussing race because it will always be a piece of being an interracial couple. Now ... good news... it is a GOOD THING to get the opportunity to enrich your life by combining your life with another that may bring to the table other cultural and racial differences. The entity that you will be as a couple (Bella and I talk all the time about "Jeff and Bella") will be far greater than the sum of your individual parts. All the culture and all the heritage and all the customs and differences that you each bring will be a wonderful part of what you are together. As long as you share values... everything else that is different is a wonderful gift that you two - together - will get to share. You will be richer and stronger for it. And allow me to get all "science teacher" here.... Opposites attract and likes repel for a reason in nature. Haters are so afraid of those that are different. Different is not better or worse... it is just different (my kids know that quote from me by heart.... hear it all the time.... ) We are all different for a reason. Differences are a good thing. Bring all that "stuff" that makes you who you are to the table. Let him bring his. Both of you embrace it. Recognize that it is a blessing....
Starting Wednesday off just fine.... Mmmmmmmm
Women's legs just rock. One of my all time favorite activities is to just rub and caress my lady's bare legs. I could do it for hours. Every day. Even if it relaxes her to sleep, that is no reason to stop because at that point you are helping her sleep SO peacefully.
1 week, 6 days ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wenesday: She’s got Legs.
@tracyreneejones @EarthJeff Thanks... TRJ you know you are one of my fave's....
2 weeks ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
@Christelyn @Alannah I call Bella "my beautiful chocolate bunny"...
2 weeks ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”
@mzsunshine @Brenda55 @Lili2009 @Alannah "I have to admit I even questioned if I was fetising white men but after careful evaluation of my attraction to them I came to the conclusion....Nope I just find them damn sexy!"
Having the unmitigated gall to speak for all white men... we thank you, Maam
@Alannah Look, I appreciate intelligent discourse here... Also, just because I prefer to date black women because they tend to possess the characteristics that I prefer, that does not mean I want to date the whole race.. that I want to date ANY black woman just because she is black. There are black women that I would not touch with a 10 foot pole. I am sure there are black women who wouldnt touch me with an 11 foot pole. And you know what? Both of those are OK
@Alannah " It doesn't make any sense, it's fine if you have a preference of qualities, but having a race preference is fetishistic"
Because if many of those qualities that I seek tend to be most prevalent in black women, then I have a preference for black women. If I really like the look of beautiful brown skin - especially contrasted with mine when we are together.. it just looks beautiful - then that is certainly a preference I am entitled to. How is that a fetish? And... if you tend to prefer dating men who are taller.. does that mean you have a fetish for tall men?
@Brenda55 @EarthJeff Actually, no she isnt. She likes to say that she is not a "girly girl"... meaning I have seen her in a dress only twice... lol... but that is OK. She is cute and adorable.
But hats can be wonderfully feminine on a lady..
2 weeks ago on The Importance of Little Mystery: Would You Click On Me?
@Beautee_85 @SirLoinDeBeef " it's always funny to me when guys say they're open minded and date outside their race when really they mean they're open to dating Asian women or Hispanic women. Why exclude black women from that list? Especially when I match the description of what they are looking for to a T. "
Because for white men, the biggest taboo for dating outside your own race was historically ... dating black women. That is changing slowly, thank goodness, but it is a long and bumpy process. A lot of things played into it, even if they are stupid reasons. Had to be willing to buck disapproval from family, friends, colleagues. Possible discrimination within our career from haters including bosses, clients, etc. Stereotypes that may be unfairly untrue (individuals are and always will be individuals) but we just didnt want to expend the effort to see if they were true or not. Accusations of fetishism. Dealing with people telling her that she shouldnt date us because of slavery. Being told we were just interested in her for sex. The looks from the haters. Ignorance of the rest of the world. We didnt face this with other races of women - fair or unfair - and most of us just didnt have the balls to take the road less traveled even if that was our preference. It was just easier to take a middle path. Just WERE NOT GOING TO CROSS THAT BLACK/WHITE BARRIER. Or when we did, we did it in secret. In the closet. Not be seen.... Now, thanks to all of us, BWE pioneers, people like Christelyn.... we get to change things for the better. Many of those reasons are changing. People are becoming more educated, more accepting, more willing to buck the trend. To stand up. To follow their hearts. To grow a pair. Best of all... TO BE A PAIR. We are getting there....
@Brenda55 I am sure that you will look lovely in it, Maam....
@Lili2009 @Brenda55 @Alannah " I had a preference for what kind of man I wanted to share my life with and I FOUND him. I made no compromise for fear of being called a "fetishist" for white musicians or artists."
EXACTLY. It does drive me crazy that preferences so quickly get the "fetish" accusation. Preferring certain qualities in a partner is fine. We all do it. Why is it a fetish if I prefer beautiful brown skin tone that contrasts so wonderfully with mine? Or all the other qualities that make black women so beautiful to me? Geez.....
@Daisy_inthe_Field @EarthJeff You are welcome. I love all the ladies in the community here, I really do. And I think time has proven that my interest in most of the topics discussed here is sincere. I care deeply... cant help it... just as surely as I care about all my students. Too, it has always pissed me off to see anyone be bullied. Black women have had MORE than their share of being targeted and bullied over time, AND with nobody willing to stand up and say "that is just wrong" and step in, instead just watching and letting it happen. And, of course, I have been blessed to love - and be loved by - two different, very sweet, very loving, wonderful black women.... Yeah.. this is important to me.
2 weeks, 1 day ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
@tracyreneejones Yes... I like this topic too. I can just feel that I will be chiming in on comments on this thread...
Wow... very sexy and alluring. I love the mystery from the hat. SInce I melt at beautiful dark and sparking eyes, this screams in my head "if she is this beautiful, I bet the eyes would make me go weak at the knees". The very tasteful cleavage is very feminine and lady-like without crossing that line.
2 weeks, 1 day ago on The Importance of Little Mystery: Would You Click On Me?
@harem " Try colors that will highlight your color, add some life to it and reflect a beautiful glow. "
I love vibrant colors on a woman, but interestingly enough I also find white - particularly on a black woman - to be VERY sexy and appealing.
@Daisy_inthe_Field " I feel sooooo vulnerable and already I was messaged by a scammer. Vermin. As if. Looks like I'll need a vial of holy water whenever I go online. Eww."
You are going to have to wade your way through plenty of frogs before finding a potential prince. I have said it before and I will say it again... it is much easier for a man to find a good woman than a woman to find a good man only because most of the women tend to be upfront and honest more than the men do... the men tend to play games or lie more and then that mess has to be undone later if the relationship starts going somewhere, But dont get discouraged... we are out here... it will take some work and patience but we are out here.
I totally agree about the eyes and smile.... that is what draws me in too. So the scowl or mean mug..... ahhhh... makes me give it a second thought. I disagree about the selfies, though. I am fine if your pic is a selfie, as long as it is a good one.
So funny... As if the multi-talented Christelyn didnt have enough going for her..... you could probably take a run at either comedy or acting.
And sponsored by InterracialDating.com? I will give that site props. That was were I met my wonderful Bella, and she is my sweetheart.
2 weeks, 2 days ago on Video: Sh$t Black People Say to Black Women to Keep Them Stuck in the Matrix