I am a teacher, but then again, aren't we all in some manner or another? How do we change the world? One person, one lesson at a time.
@LadyEWO Thanks so much! Toni is my sweetheart! It would be great if you do get to come help us celebrate our big day......
17 hours, 21 minutes ago on BB&W Goes to Vegas in 2015!!
@Brenda55 @Michael Miles "This is one of the keys to making an IRR work. Take this to the bank."
Agreed. TALK to each other. If the IRR relationship is to work, you can not be fearful of talking about uncomfortable subjects. You can not let misconceptions just lay there. Or something you misheard. Have to talk. It takes a lot of work to thrive in a partnership with extra differences built in. The good part, though, is that you both are stronger and much more enriched for it.
1 week, 1 day ago on QOTW: “Should I Continue Dating Someone Who Might Be Racist?”
I have to admit .... I got a weird vibe from him...
1 week, 6 days ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.
OK.... I have to agree that it is a red flag when a white man says that he is interested in black women BUT cant find one. I have found that it is very easy to find a quality black woman ... wonderful, educated, sincere, caring, loving....just because there are quite a few of them out there just looking for (and deserving) those same qualities in a man. Fair or unfair, the dating balance IS in the favor of white men. Because it it easy for a white man and those odds are in his favor, yes, if he says he cant find one then calling bullshit is justified. I found a wonderful and loving woman very easily and quickly. Yes, I feel that I have been blessed. But it is NOT hard to find someone. A couple of dating sites, be honest and upfront with any women you meet is all it takes. Especially "targeted" sites of similar interests like IDC. Match - though pricey - was pretty good too. Now... is it harder for a white man to meet a quality black woman out in the world... not online... yes it is harder. But it it harder for any demographics, equally. At the end of the day, again, there are many quality black women out there. Guys... just be sincere and honest. Come right or dont come at all.
2 weeks, 1 day ago on On Vetting: Beware of “I Can’t Find a Black Woman!” Men. They’re Full of It.
What a sweet story..... Wishing you much happiness. Such a cute couple.
3 weeks, 5 days ago on Andrew and Brooke – A “Perfect For Us” Relationship
@StarStroy "but out of every other group of women on earth, who's going to tell you "what it is" as soon as it needs to be said? Exactly!"
Another of the endearing qualities that I do so love about BW. Instead of those "be mad for three days and make the man guess why" games that WW tend to play.
4 weeks ago on Zara: Eight Reasons Why We Love Black Women
@Neil Marsden "When i'm in a room with my wife , sister in laws and mother in law i tend to just shut up and listen. Nothing quite like bw talking and laughing to make a man sit back and count his blessings. "
This really rings home too. I love hanging out with my lady, and her mama, and her sister... when they get going.....
4 weeks, 1 day ago on Zara: Eight Reasons Why We Love Black Women
@Neil Marsden @EarthJeff I dont mind at all.... I completely cosign on your point below too. You and I , and Sir Loin, and all the other men in this community....... we are the luckiest dudes on earth.... won the dating lottery for CERTAIN...... and very, very blessed.
@Neil Marsden "Not that i'm putting myself down at all but to me bw are the standard of greatness which makes a guy ( me ) think she's out of my league. Being able to please and make happy said bw is a gift in itself every single day. "
It is interesting that you make this point..... I always feel amazed that she is interested in me because I feel like she is out of my league too. Having the chance to just make her happy IS a gift in itself every single day. You said it SO well.
"The strength and resilience to keep going also provides us with a deep capacity to love hard – ourselves, and others who are worthy of the depths of our hearts."
Nearly all the reasons that you give above are truly on my list of why I prefer black women. I adore the richness of the soft wonderful tone of her skin. And not only does it make her beautiful, it KEEPS her beautiful as she ages. Love the hair. LOVE the curves - the soft wonderful femininity.... But this one really is my favorite reason. The capacity to love hard and deep just melts my heart. Nobody can love like a black woman. If you give her your heart and do right by her.... faithful, loving, respect, passion, honest, caring.... she will be yours forever. She will be protective as a lioness for what is hers. This capacity to love hard is unmatched . Maybe this is one of the things that white men are discovering as we fall in love with wonderful black ladies.
@rexy012 "He is a REAL man and respects ALL women of every race"
Shouldnt we all?
4 weeks, 1 day ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…
@dani-BBW "How odd. Not one troll"
If you cant stand the heat......
@trinigirl1 @_Toni_ "The real reason there's nothing happening this morning is because they got their collective asses handed to them on a platter LOL "
There is something to that. when they find that they are unable to bully their targets, they put tail between the legs and run... suddenly VERY quiet...
Wow... fantastic... Of course, your writings always are....
@La_Zairoise " I have never in my life seen another race of men that THRIVE in PUBLICLY DISGRACING and criticizing black women like the black men do,"
I have always found it strange ...... black men do seem to be the only group that routinely bashes and beats down and bullies their woman to this extent.....
1 month ago on Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.”
First off, I want to congratulate Robert and those like him. They get it. They deserve the respect that their high values and hard work earn them. The world needs more. Here is my challenge to Robert and all the other high quality black men out there. My question for them. What are YOU doing and going to do to help strengthen and and build the black community? YOUR community. What are you going to do and how are you going to teach your sons and nephews to be a positive influence on the community. How many are you going to reach? You, as a role model, now have a wonderful burden to make an widespread impact? That is your challenge. I truly look forward to hearing your answer. and again, kudos for all your hard work and subsequent success.
@trinigirl1 Thanks so much.....
1 month, 1 week ago on You Pick the Winner of Last Night’s LIVE Couples’ Tag!
I just wanted to wish a very Happy Valentines day and anniversary to my beloved Toni. You know this weekend is a very special time for us between our becoming a couple on this date and my birthday that you make so special for me. I love you very much, sweetheart, and I you are the most wonderful thing in my life. You are already my mate, and I cant wait until July when we get to become husband and wife in front of friends and family and loved ones in July. You are mine and I am yours....
To all in this community..... I wish you a very happy Valentines Day and much happiness.
1 month, 1 week ago on Open thread. VALENTINE WISHES
@Cami2210 @caribbeanlady @reneeymoore "I see them looking at shapely black women all the time, but most of the ones I see walking around hand and hand are slim curvy women or the straight figure girls."
We all have our own experiences, but I see many white guys with curvy, full-figured women. And I myself do like a woman with nice curves - very feminine and appealing.
1 month, 1 week ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…
Hey.... Toni and I want to be one of the couples...... After all, I am SURE you got this idea from somewhere....
1 month, 1 week ago on G+ Chat this Friday…Live Couples Tag…Winner Gets $50!!
@thecrazyartist @SavannahPost @your epiphany @ASwirlGirl @dani-BBW "These men pick on women because they are weak and don't want to spar with another man. "
That is very true.... to use a phrase I am sure I read somewhere (rolling my eyes)... they wont go toe to toe with US. Even better, some of these MALES come sliding on in here expecting to bully weak women and quickly find that they are wrong when they discover all the women in here are strong, intelligent, well-spoken and pretty much have such MALES for lunch. Some of their MALE parts shrivel up and they slink off with their tails between their legs.....
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…
There is a difference between being a man and just being male. The funniest thing is.... those that are just male will NOT understand this statement....
@Brenda55 @trinigirl1 "You are going to make me pull out the old wedding album and start uploading pictures. LOL"
@Christelyn @coco78728 " If a man loves you - he loves your head wrap too!!">>>>>>AWWWWW....how sweet!!!! Now that's how to treat a woman!! "
I totally agree. If I love her, I love ALL of her. All her routines. Everything. Including her head scarf (which I actually think is pretty anyway....)
@MamieMadison "slathering on my cocoa butter, "
Mmmmmm... LOVE the smell of cocoa butter
@formeonly You make a good point. It IS amazing that Chris is able to keep smiling as she deals with such cluelessnes
@SirLoinDeBeef " I was fired for marrying 'one of those people' - I lost other jobs for failure to be 'sufficiently subservient' to white women"
wow..... not good.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Why They Waited…Non-Black Men Explain Their Shifting Preferences
I think it is perfectly fine to have preferences as far as age goes in our dating preferences. personally, my range is plus or minus 10 years. Of course that range varies depending on how old you are. if I were 27, my range would NOT be 17 - 37.....
@caribbeanlady @EarthJeff "This is exactly how it happened for me, except that I'm a black woman who woke up one day and realized that I dig "WM." And like you, maturity, exposure to diverse people both in college and in the workplace, and an increasing visibility of IRR made the difference.
Was/Is that as strange a feeling for you as it was for me? I still cant get over it when I think about it only in terms of .... it was like a switch was flipped on what I seek and prefer. I just really did one day realize that I prefer black women and the characteristics and qualities that they possess, and no longer had any interest in white women. When I think about it, I still marvel at it.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Everybody Ain’t “The Lovings”: Why Are Older White Men Being Judged for “Suddenly” Pursuing Black Women?
@Brenda55 @EarthJeff @Oaktown Paul @Ri74 Thank you, dear, for looking out for us!
@oromariposa06 "Thank you for saying this...you are correct everybody isn't the LOVINGS !! "
Perhaps my favorite part of that story is how when Richard wasnt going to go with them to Court and the lawyer asked him if there was anything he wanted them to tell the court and Richard simply said "Just tell them I love my wife". It was that simple to him. That was enough for him. That SHOULD HAVE been enough, period.
@Oaktown Paul @Ri74 "Liberated in thought, older men are now more confident in dating women outside their race (any race) --- because we discovered that we can. It is just that simple."
OK, Paul, if you are going to jump in the sharks tank, I will jump in with you. Maybe the sharks will waste all their time trying to decide who to chew on first....
You are correct, it really IS that simple. We have just kind of discovered... yes, we can pursue our preferences. With growing visibility of interracial dating comes that growing awareness. In many cases for many of us, yes, it is just a bit of an awakening that the dating pool is expanded. With that comes thinking about what we might prefer in a relationship. It goes from there. I know for myself, three things kind of came together in what a friend once asked me "Did you just kind of wake up one morning and realize you dig black women" and my well thought out answer was "Yes". Three things coming together. One, I was at a point in my life where I was finally free to seek a healthy relationship with a woman and really consider what qualities and characteristics I sought. Two, suddenly I was working in a MUCH more diverse area and got to interact with a wider variety of women, specifically black women. Three, increasing visibility of interracial relationships.... increasing acceptance... Wow, this IS something I can toss into my own ring (pun intended..). You never know how any particular journey may end... mine ended in finding my sweet and loving mate.
@Ri74 "I am suggesting that this topic of, 'Why does it seem like WM wait until later in life to decide they want to date a BW?"
It is interesting to me that you suggest this because I think that I have been willing - enjoying - contributing pretty freely and have shown the cajones to jump "into the sharks cage" as someone put it. I LOVE the dialogue between us all. Your suggestion here is a topic I really enjoy getting some talk going about. But after Stan getting jumped on unfairly makes me want to lurk more and NOT go out on the limb so much.... Just sayin'....
@Christelyn "Got this note from a concerned fan. I'm honestly at a loss over this. How can we welcome differing opinions while controlling people who seek to spoil the well?"
By people remembering that intelligent, respectful dialogue is always welcomed... Differing opinions are fine, they just need to have that debate POLITELY and with maturity.
@Brenda55 @New Guest @Christelyn "One of the unique things about this site is the ability of Black women and non-black men to communicate with each other. Most of the black women here want that and the men who lurk and post here want it also. "
I am with you and New Guest on this.... I concur as well
@New Guest @Christelyn " I have noticed a big decline in some of the men who use to post almost daily."
I have to admit, I am one of those...
@ladyofmagic1974 "I don't like the fact that some of us BW put some of these non BM thru the ringer just because they made the decision to swirl late in life. Everyone is not going to find the love of their life while they are in their 20's, 30's, or 40's. For some people it takes them longer to finally find love."
Yes it does....
@Christelyn "Heard from Stan. He saw the bitchy posts. I am so PISSED I don't even...THIS IS WHY A LOT OF BLACK WOMEN ARE SINGLE, LONELY AND BITTER. YOU BRING IT ON YOURSELVES. "
I do think that part of what makes this community so wonderful is that it is about polite and respectful dialogue. When someone may disagree... thats cool.... all opinions are respected. But when someone gets rudely and disrespectfully jumped on.. it does foster a reluctance to contribute a bit...
@ZaraChiron @EarthJeff @jpopforever28 "Aren't your kids so fortunate to have such a positive and wise parent like you! "
Thank you. Not only my 7 kids (two of my own, two from my fiance', and my three "inherited" kids from my late girlfriend with whom I still maintain a relationship)... but I am a teacher too. I teach high school at a public high school just outside of Detroit as well. I am lucky to be able to have a big impact on lots of young people..
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Zara: “I Don’t Swirl, I Date.”
@onmywayup @Cami2210 "Random, but I never understood whether or not a co-wash was actually supposed to wash your hair the way a shampoo was. I also call it a "conditioning rinse" as well."
Well, since I started my journey as a REALLY naive white guy, I knew neither "Co-wash" or Deep Conditioning. Now, though.... I got this terminology down.... even have helped my lady with both practices.... Really do learn a lot in this community....
@ZaraChiron @onmywayup @Christelyn "The Love energy on this site is amazing. It's something I'm looking to learn from as a cultivate my on-line presence. Christelyn did something great to have attracted a community of such quality and positive people. (taking notes)"
It is, it really is. this community is a wonderful place where we can all share and "chime in" and know that it will be valued, even by those that may not agree. Intelligent discourse is awesome. Oh, there are rules about coming correct - as there should be - and Chris and the mods work very hard to keep this community the fantastic place that it is. I know I have learned so much, hope that others got value from my own contributions, and have received so much support from others here through my trials and tribulations.
"Rich in diversity" is one of the reasons why it is wonderful to find and love and have a mate that is different from yourself... there IS a real Richness in diversity. It is so sad that haters and racists just dont see that. They think we all need to be alike. No, what we REALLY need is to all be different.
@oekmama " but It has a positive sweet connotation/association, which is a good thing generally, plus it's cute, catchy and more family friendly,"
Yes! I do like the term..... for these reasons....
@jpopforever28 "Differences are beautiful to me. What all humans have in common are that we are all different"
I couldnt agree more. And at the same time, differences make us uniquely different from others. We all have our own contributions to bring to the table. That makes us richer for who we are. We are able to share and learn and grow through our differences. I have always taught my kids - different isnt better or worse, it is just different. It is just an opportunity to become more full, more understanding, more enlightened. Differences are WONDERFUL. Even though this isnt the ONLY reason I prefer an interracial relationship, that is part of it.
@_Toni_ @Cami2210 "The good news is that as I said in my other comment, THESE MEN TELL ON THEMSELVES. They think every guy is as twisted as they are and that people in the wider world somehow think their behavior is normal."
AND... they do not realize that there is a growing number of men who are no longer going to allow women - especially black women - to be bullied....
1 month, 3 weeks ago on For Those Who Think Insults Endear You…Think Again.
@formeonly "Those guys who always say “I’m just playing/joking” whenever he does something and he sees you reacting to it in a negative way…"
Ok..... so... if you are playing/joking at being an A*hole, then guess what? You ARE an A*hole.
@_Toni_ "What's especially interesting to me is that when these so-called "alpha males" are confronted by one or more of the male members of our site, their tone becomes more cordial, or they try to indirectly attack the women without challenging the man back. Or they say nothing."
I have noticed that too.. over my time here I have had a few of those idiots who are going off on all the women but as soon as I challenge him as to what HE is doing to help be part of the solution, he shuts right up. Look, I am not going to allow women to be bullied anymore.... whether she is white, black, purple, or polka-dotted. Or any others. But these boys who like to bully sure to shrink and shrivel in certain places when called out on it by other men. Pitiful cowards....
@Moonchild71 Thank you so very much!
1 month, 4 weeks ago on Update! BB&W Goes to Vegas in 2015!!
Yes.... feel free to NOT want black women. That means there are more for us that do.....
1 month, 4 weeks ago on Video: Five Reasons Nobody Wants a Black Woman!
@delaneb "but there are other real reasons Like: attitude, selfish, controling, tentcious, argumentative, etc ect.these are some of the reason black men particularly decide to date out of there race."
Cool... you are free to make whatever choice you want. Just dont begrudge (or do I need to use a smaller word) anyone else to THEIR right to choose whatever they want.