I am a teacher, but then again, aren't we all in some manner or another? How do we change the world? One person, one lesson at a time.
@Kaiju_Bleu @EarthJeff @WorldTravelingChic @Yorkshireman in Michigan @mim86 "I wish that all little girls could have that kind of gentle, encouragement from a father figure. You were magnificent."
Thank you, Maam. The thing is... I wasnt trying to be magnificent. I just care and wanted to be able to make her feel better about herself. It isnt even a conscious thought like "oh, I had better say something to her". Really, this stuff comes naturally. Isnt it common sense? I like to hope I am making an impact - positive impact - with my students. Heck, a lot of the young ladies (or young men either) do not have a positive male figure in their lives. It is nice to be able to be a role model for them as to how a man should be. Very few of the young males buy into it at all. I have far more luck making an impact on the young ladies. And they tend to be absolutely fascinated that a white man would be in a serious relationship (not just a guy making a booty call) with a black woman. Sometimes I do like to think I am making an impact there too, growing women who understand they have choices in their relationships. Much like we are doing here in this community.
1 hour, 5 minutes ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@WorldTravelingChic @Yorkshireman in Michigan @EarthJeff @mim86 " I'm laughing so hard at the two of you. Love you both for sharing about your learning curves. :D"
Thank you, Maam.... You know how actively I like to share with the community....
One other funny hair story. Most of you that have read my past series (Swirling on Planet Earth) may recall I was a high school senior trip chaperone to a water park and ski resort with 18 kids from a urban school (yes, that was to be POC.... I mean 18 black students). At an indoor water park. And I know all about women getting their hair wet and the time and trouble they have to go through if it does get wet. Anyway, one of the young ladies, I noticed, was climbing up the water slide ahead of me with a towel wrapped on her head, turban style like women do. I asked her about it and she said "Mr. L, I am not going to get my hair wet and I see how much water flies as you slide down". As a science teacher, I felt compelled to explain the physics and forces on both an object in motion and a towel wrapped loosely on her head. She still seemed to think it would be Ok, it would stay, it would protect her hair. Time for another strategy. I explained to her how she was going to land in a POOL and when she got there she was going to hit the water booty first, not feet first first. Now she looked concerned. She goes, I go, When I get to the bottom she is holding a wet towel in her hand. Her locs are soaked. She looks mad and bummed at the same time. I just gave her a smile, told her "you look cute still, look at that boy over there looking at you like he likes you...." and walked away as she smiled.
1 hour, 55 minutes ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@Yorkshireman in Michigan @EarthJeff @mim86 "Now i know Saturday is hair cleaning day :)"
Oh yeah, we know that now.. so if there IS a shower sex day, it would be Saturday ....
14 hours, 52 minutes ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@Yorkshireman in Michigan @EarthJeff @mim86 "I would also like to flat iron to the list above Jeff. I had no idea what so ever when i first saw this what it was."
Ahhhh... good one to add. I even have a daughter with curly hair who hates it curly and straightens it (People pay big money for perms.... she pays to straighten it... falls on deaf ears though) and I still didnt know what "Flat iron" to do hair was until I started dating a black woman. Had never heard that term...
14 hours, 53 minutes ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@BreannaNouveaux Thank you.
19 hours, 53 minutes ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@BreannaNouveaux She was my girlfriend, but yes, I lost her many months ago. I wrote a multi-post series about our relationship,,, you can go to "Search" and search on "EarthJeff". I was blessed enough to find love... lost her... blessed enough to find love again. It has been quite a journey. Still, we all have interesting journeys
20 hours, 13 minutes ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@BreannaNouveaux @EarthJeff @mim86 "haha! Did you say "deep conditioning" and "head scarf" YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT WELL, GRASSHOPPER! "
Thank you so much, Maam... Yes I have been well taught... lol I appreciate all my lovely lady has to do to keep her hair and be able to stay cute. Funny story about conditioning. Conditioning to white people is putting that stuff on in the shower for a minute and then rinsing it before you get out of the shower. Well, last year (back before I lost Bee) one day I go to see her after work and she is sitting down on the bed watching TV. I immediately lean over and kiss her on the top of the head and.... get a mouthful of conditioner before she can say anything since she hadnt yet had a chance to put a head scarf on to cover it..... FYI if anyone has ever wondered, that stuff does NOT taste good.... for awhile after that I didnt kiss the top of her head UNLESS she had a head scarf on... lol
21 hours, 9 minutes ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@mim86 "(Black hair was something he never EVAH understood before, why would he, and while he still doesnt really "get it", after dating me for a while, he does understands a little bit more about wigs, weaves, natural hair and how long my hair is gonna take regardless of length. Sorry baby, shower sex means I now have to fix my twist out, which involves reconditioning and styling, and aint NOBODY got time for that..except on weekends) "
This one is funny to me because of all the things on the "learning curve for white people" this may very well be the top. I dont know ANYONE white that understands about the differences in black hair and taking care of it unless they already had the chance to climb the learning curve due to being in an IRR. Until I started dating a black woman, geez, I was just as clueless. It isnt racist as much as it is just ignorance. The idea that hair can be different is just not considered by most white people. Hair is hair, right? No. Wigs... natural... weaves... deep conditioning... shampooing frequency.... head scarf at night.... getting wet (Yes... lol... the ramifications of shower sex.... :( ),,,,, That was all lesson for me just as it has been for your boyfriend (or for the man of any of you ladies). So we learn.
22 hours, 1 minute ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
Ah yes. The issue related to the melding together of two different races and cultures... something we all (those of us in IRR's) face. The element of comfort level of race, and of being able to talk about racial issues. First of all, you mention "Sometimes I think some white people, for fear of sounding racist, are just afraid to even address the issue of race. I think he falls into this category to a degree. " I think there is some truth to this that some white people are afraid to talk about race for fear of sounding racist (or to be accused of sounding racist even if they arent), If he falls into this category, he needs to LEARN to get comfortable with discussing race because it will always be a piece of being an interracial couple. Now ... good news... it is a GOOD THING to get the opportunity to enrich your life by combining your life with another that may bring to the table other cultural and racial differences. The entity that you will be as a couple (Bella and I talk all the time about "Jeff and Bella") will be far greater than the sum of your individual parts. All the culture and all the heritage and all the customs and differences that you each bring will be a wonderful part of what you are together. As long as you share values... everything else that is different is a wonderful gift that you two - together - will get to share. You will be richer and stronger for it. And allow me to get all "science teacher" here.... Opposites attract and likes repel for a reason in nature. Haters are so afraid of those that are different. Different is not better or worse... it is just different (my kids know that quote from me by heart.... hear it all the time.... ) We are all different for a reason. Differences are a good thing. Bring all that "stuff" that makes you who you are to the table. Let him bring his. Both of you embrace it. Recognize that it is a blessing....
22 hours, 46 minutes ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
Starting Wednesday off just fine.... Mmmmmmmm
Women's legs just rock. One of my all time favorite activities is to just rub and caress my lady's bare legs. I could do it for hours. Every day. Even if it relaxes her to sleep, that is no reason to stop because at that point you are helping her sleep SO peacefully.
1 day, 1 hour ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wenesday: She’s got Legs.
@tracyreneejones @EarthJeff Thanks... TRJ you know you are one of my fave's....
1 day, 21 hours ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
@Christelyn @Alannah I call Bella "my beautiful chocolate bunny"...
1 day, 22 hours ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”
@mzsunshine @Brenda55 @Lili2009 @Alannah "I have to admit I even questioned if I was fetising white men but after careful evaluation of my attraction to them I came to the conclusion....Nope I just find them damn sexy!"
Having the unmitigated gall to speak for all white men... we thank you, Maam
2 days ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”
@Alannah Look, I appreciate intelligent discourse here... Also, just because I prefer to date black women because they tend to possess the characteristics that I prefer, that does not mean I want to date the whole race.. that I want to date ANY black woman just because she is black. There are black women that I would not touch with a 10 foot pole. I am sure there are black women who wouldnt touch me with an 11 foot pole. And you know what? Both of those are OK
@Alannah " It doesn't make any sense, it's fine if you have a preference of qualities, but having a race preference is fetishistic"
Because if many of those qualities that I seek tend to be most prevalent in black women, then I have a preference for black women. If I really like the look of beautiful brown skin - especially contrasted with mine when we are together.. it just looks beautiful - then that is certainly a preference I am entitled to. How is that a fetish? And... if you tend to prefer dating men who are taller.. does that mean you have a fetish for tall men?
@Brenda55 @EarthJeff Actually, no she isnt. She likes to say that she is not a "girly girl"... meaning I have seen her in a dress only twice... lol... but that is OK. She is cute and adorable.
But hats can be wonderfully feminine on a lady..
2 days ago on The Importance of Little Mystery: Would You Click On Me?
@Beautee_85 @SirLoinDeBeef " it's always funny to me when guys say they're open minded and date outside their race when really they mean they're open to dating Asian women or Hispanic women. Why exclude black women from that list? Especially when I match the description of what they are looking for to a T. "
Because for white men, the biggest taboo for dating outside your own race was historically ... dating black women. That is changing slowly, thank goodness, but it is a long and bumpy process. A lot of things played into it, even if they are stupid reasons. Had to be willing to buck disapproval from family, friends, colleagues. Possible discrimination within our career from haters including bosses, clients, etc. Stereotypes that may be unfairly untrue (individuals are and always will be individuals) but we just didnt want to expend the effort to see if they were true or not. Accusations of fetishism. Dealing with people telling her that she shouldnt date us because of slavery. Being told we were just interested in her for sex. The looks from the haters. Ignorance of the rest of the world. We didnt face this with other races of women - fair or unfair - and most of us just didnt have the balls to take the road less traveled even if that was our preference. It was just easier to take a middle path. Just WERE NOT GOING TO CROSS THAT BLACK/WHITE BARRIER. Or when we did, we did it in secret. In the closet. Not be seen.... Now, thanks to all of us, BWE pioneers, people like Christelyn.... we get to change things for the better. Many of those reasons are changing. People are becoming more educated, more accepting, more willing to buck the trend. To stand up. To follow their hearts. To grow a pair. Best of all... TO BE A PAIR. We are getting there....
2 days ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
@Brenda55 I am sure that you will look lovely in it, Maam....
2 days, 1 hour ago on The Importance of Little Mystery: Would You Click On Me?
@Lili2009 @Brenda55 @Alannah " I had a preference for what kind of man I wanted to share my life with and I FOUND him. I made no compromise for fear of being called a "fetishist" for white musicians or artists."
EXACTLY. It does drive me crazy that preferences so quickly get the "fetish" accusation. Preferring certain qualities in a partner is fine. We all do it. Why is it a fetish if I prefer beautiful brown skin tone that contrasts so wonderfully with mine? Or all the other qualities that make black women so beautiful to me? Geez.....
2 days, 1 hour ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”
@Daisy_inthe_Field @EarthJeff You are welcome. I love all the ladies in the community here, I really do. And I think time has proven that my interest in most of the topics discussed here is sincere. I care deeply... cant help it... just as surely as I care about all my students. Too, it has always pissed me off to see anyone be bullied. Black women have had MORE than their share of being targeted and bullied over time, AND with nobody willing to stand up and say "that is just wrong" and step in, instead just watching and letting it happen. And, of course, I have been blessed to love - and be loved by - two different, very sweet, very loving, wonderful black women.... Yeah.. this is important to me.
3 days ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
@tracyreneejones Yes... I like this topic too. I can just feel that I will be chiming in on comments on this thread...
Wow... very sexy and alluring. I love the mystery from the hat. SInce I melt at beautiful dark and sparking eyes, this screams in my head "if she is this beautiful, I bet the eyes would make me go weak at the knees". The very tasteful cleavage is very feminine and lady-like without crossing that line.
3 days ago on The Importance of Little Mystery: Would You Click On Me?
@harem " Try colors that will highlight your color, add some life to it and reflect a beautiful glow. "
I love vibrant colors on a woman, but interestingly enough I also find white - particularly on a black woman - to be VERY sexy and appealing.
@Daisy_inthe_Field " I feel sooooo vulnerable and already I was messaged by a scammer. Vermin. As if. Looks like I'll need a vial of holy water whenever I go online. Eww."
You are going to have to wade your way through plenty of frogs before finding a potential prince. I have said it before and I will say it again... it is much easier for a man to find a good woman than a woman to find a good man only because most of the women tend to be upfront and honest more than the men do... the men tend to play games or lie more and then that mess has to be undone later if the relationship starts going somewhere, But dont get discouraged... we are out here... it will take some work and patience but we are out here.
I totally agree about the eyes and smile.... that is what draws me in too. So the scowl or mean mug..... ahhhh... makes me give it a second thought. I disagree about the selfies, though. I am fine if your pic is a selfie, as long as it is a good one.
So funny... As if the multi-talented Christelyn didnt have enough going for her..... you could probably take a run at either comedy or acting.
And sponsored by InterracialDating.com? I will give that site props. That was were I met my wonderful Bella, and she is my sweetheart.
4 days, 1 hour ago on Video: Sh$t Black People Say to Black Women to Keep Them Stuck in the Matrix
Ok... rubbing your lady's feet for her... nice foot massage after she has had a long hard day ... geez, "If you really INSIST, sweetheart...."... Dirty job but gosh darn it SOMEONE has to do it....
1 week, 1 day ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday:Foot Loose
Mmmmmm, Wednesdays have a whole new meaning now....
Nice... we love to see happy relationships....
1 week, 1 day ago on Two BB&W Fans Sitting in a Tree…Real Life Meeting on Two Regulars. Sparks?
Everything he did was so good... but Aladdin by far was his best work. Condolences to all that loved him.... RIP, Robin....
1 week, 2 days ago on Open Thread: Share Your Favorite Robin Williams Moments
@Browncow @Swirlgirl28 "How about feeling beautiful and being told that we're beautiful"
I tell Bella EVERY DAY that she is beautiful. Shouldnt every man tell his lady that every day? Thats just common sense to me....
1 week, 2 days ago on As Millennials Support Dating Out, the Black Community ups the “Fetish” Rhetoric
@Browncow So beautiful.... thanks for sharing.
@The Working Home Keeper " I went back home (rural NC) recently for my niece's wedding. Hubby and I were not the only BW/WM couple there! There was an 80 year old white man there with a black woman that appeared to be in her 60's. They're swirling in the country y'all! "
It is changing for the better, despite the best efforts of the haters. They are losing, they know it, they are desperate. Bet you smiled big when you saw that couple...
SOOOOOO AWESOME...... That was fantastic. One of the really great things on this site is how so many are willing to show and share their love. Thank you everyone who shares pics, videos, stories, thoughts.... Getting to enjoy happiness moments of others is a gift. And to this couple... I wish them all the blessings and happiness in the world. Finally... by the way.... Wow, she sure can sing.....
1 week, 3 days ago on Video: BB&W Fan Get Married, Serenades Groom; Bring Him to Tears
So sweet! When you can look and just feel the love.... just hear melting. Much happiness to both of them. Just heart-melting. Thank you SO much for sharing.
1 week, 4 days ago on Swirling and Marriage: 2014 Couple of the Year
@Christelyn I want to pose for a picture with you and Chescaleigh....
1 week, 5 days ago on You Tube Star, Chescaleigh Talks Making a Plan and the Timeline Project
Nice..... The snake is weird but the booty on her is sexy as heck....
2 weeks, 1 day ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday: From Hair to There
@Brenda55 So sweet.... you go Eddie and Edith....
2 weeks, 4 days ago on OMG…Let These Folks Be! In Their Ninety’s, Interracial Couple Fights to Stay Together
Let them be..... geez..... Children should WANT their elderly parents to be happy. My mom (in her 70's) has had a "gentleman friend" as she calls him, for 14 years. He is very sweet and very generous to her and taken her travelling, dinner, movies, plays. He is a nice guy and my sister and I have been nothing but thrilled. GEEZ folks, LET THEM BE HAPPY.
2 weeks, 5 days ago on OMG…Let These Folks Be! In Their Ninety’s, Interracial Couple Fights to Stay Together
@Christelyn @Toni Matthews-El "This is an amazing post, @Toni Matthews-El . "
3 weeks ago on New Anti-Swirling Meme: “How Can You Oppose Racism And Be Attracted To White Men?”
"My ex changed my world. She changed the entire world I was born into. She changed it when I stepped into her shoes and saw it through her eyes. "
And THAT is one of the really great things about being in love with someone who is different. Different isnt better or worse... so many in the world just DO NOT get that.... Different is just different. Enriching... educational... wonderfully compassionate... it is a gift that those of us involved in IRR's get to be blessed with. I wouldnt trade it for the world. And I am happy for you that you got the eye-opening too. Welcome...
3 weeks ago on Writer Reads “Swirling,” and Is Overwhelmed with Tears. Find Out Why.
@Geekette221B There was some kind of text? Must have missed that....
3 weeks ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday: Looking back on it
@Driving Miss Britt "Secondly, I don’t think it is possible to separate a potential relationship with him and your family. YOU ARE A PACKAGE DEAL."
I have always agreed with this concept.... When you are taking on a relationship with someone with kids, you are not just taking on one relationship. You are taking on as many as there are people. And you HAVE to consider that.
3 weeks, 2 days ago on #NWNW: Don’t Look for the New Man to Clean Up the Mess.
@DU2 @Christelyn "" Don't expect a new man to clean up the mess." but in all honesty is it really fair to ask a guy to fill another man's shoes?"
I almost hate to admit it, but I dont think I would. I would probably run. Of course, you never know for sure how you would react to something until facing that situation. But I would have a problem with it...
@Karla Good for Don..... !!!
3 weeks, 3 days ago on QOTW: “Help! My White Friends Ask My Black Girlfriend Dumb Questions!”
OK from adults it is just ignorant and clueless. Kids get a bit of a pass but have to be taught that people are people and such things are rude. But I did have a coworker who would get very embarrassed whenever her young son would just go up to every black man he saw and ask "Are you Michael Jordan" because Jordan was his favorite player and Paula would go apologize profusely.
Oh... and..... YEAH... pretty much all people that do eat meat seem to like chicken.....
And since I try to be informative and sharing in this community... I have NO IDEA why white people are serial killers. Thanks, Jeffrey Dahmer (my namesake too.... great).... now I am going to have to answer that everywhere I go....
Really? Chescaleigh ROCKS. She is awesome. I would love to meet her.
"He downplayed the interracial relationship conversation. While I don’t think this is a topic of conversation on the first date, couples need to acknowledge the challenges that their racial, religious and culture differences after a few months of dating. "
I totally agree with this. That does need to be faced and discussed fairly early on in the growing relationship. Meshing two different identities - and that is a GOOD thing, very enriching - will be a large part of the one entity that will make up both partners.
3 weeks, 3 days ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@The Working Home Keeper @Brenda55 @Kaiju_Bleu @EqualOppLover "The BM spent the entire dinner on his cell phone! Not one bit of actual conversation with the BW, who I assumed was his wife. As I recall, it was Valentine's Day. Can you imagine going out and being ignored the entire dinner?! "
I can NOT even imagine that. Who does that? Really? Dude, you are out with your lady... geez....
3 weeks, 6 days ago on Reader Letter: Black Woman Married to a Black Man Sees the Site for What It Is