I am a teacher, but then again, aren't we all in some manner or another? How do we change the world? One person, one lesson at a time.
Christelyn, just know these things.
1. You are incredible.
2. You are loved by more than you know
3. At the end of the day, you will leave behind an unbelievable legacy. As a teacher I touch many lives - that will be part of my legacy - but that pales in comparison to those you have touched. I dont want that to come across wrong. Any one legacy is no less important than another. But you are a leader who is helping to change the world. I know that it is coming at a personal price. But it probably has depth that even you do not fathom. And you are one of my heroes as a result of all this.
4. You are a great mom, a loving mate, you care about others with an obvious passion that is second to none.
5, You and this community helped me on a personal level through a few different things, more than you know.
Finally..... With all sincerity and love from the bottom of my heart... Thank You
5 hours, 30 minutes ago on The Critics are Right. I AM “Crazy.”
Christelyn..... You have done so much. You have made a far greater impact than you probably realize. But... it has come at a cost to you - unfairly - as you well know. Take pride in all that you have so positively touched and affected. Sincerely and from the bottom of my heart.... thank you. We love you......
2 days, 13 hours ago on End of the Year, End of the Drama, Part II
Oh, I LOVE the look of a woman in a head wrap or even a plain old head scarf.... These are all gorgeous.
3 days, 15 hours ago on Sir Loin’s Babe Wednesday: African Beauty Part 2, Of Queens and Crowns
It took me a long time to understand that Confidence is indeed Sexy. And Chris, thank you.. I know you meant me when you were talking about men who are charming.....
By the way, you look fantastic.
2 weeks, 1 day ago on Tips On How to Approach Black Women with Confidence
" I was one of those fast developing young girls and when I was in school and boys would try to grab my rear end, between my legs, or my breasts. Upon complaining to a teacher or adult, the boys would absolve themselves of any wrong doing by saying “I was just playing” and upon seeing no bruises or bloodshed, the teachers would write it off as “boys will be boys”.
As far as that behavior just being written off..... it was and while it still is to an extent (and that fact is horrible), I have noticed the tolerance for that decreasing and the willingness of teachers to correct that behavior increasing. I do not ever accept that behavior from a student not do my colleagues. Young men need to be taught what is and is not proper, and that there are ramifications for not doing so. I can not control how they act in the street, but I CAN control how they will act in this school environment. And I hope they do carry the lessons out the door.
2 weeks, 2 days ago on Objectifying Our Girls…Thank the Gods Malia Has Body Guards.
@Brenda55 @Black Alpha Male @Christelyn "The white man was the person to “make” the black woman his domestic (stay at home)slave, he impregnated/raped her, molested her, beat her and would just take whatever he wanted from her, "
This actually sounds more like how some black men treat black women. Certainly not all. certainly not a majority. But certainly.
2 weeks, 5 days ago on Open Forum: Okay; We Know White Men Married to Black Women are 44% Less Likely to Divorce. But Why?
@Black Alpha Male @Christelyn "Good luck with your Black woman plight in convincing other women to believe they are “upgrading” if they choose to date/marry a white man..Too funny… LMAO"
Wow, you sure dont read this blog much. I cant recall when I saw it to be suggested to black women that they are "upgrading".... I HAVE seen it suggested that black women choose who they want. That they have choice.... that they are free to choose whomever they want and for whatever reasons that they so wish.
@Black Alpha Male @Christelyn "I’m sure I said ECONOMICS… MONEY was the “obvious” reason why black women would choose to marry a white man over ANY other race in America."
I am SURE that it does not have ANYTHING to do with the fact that some black women find that white men, in general, treat them better than black men (in general) do. Not in terms of economics but in terms of respect, love, intimacy, caring, loyalty, commitment....
@Black Alpha Male @Christelyn " I have a Beautiful, Smart, Black Woman, who is my life partner and Wife, who I have been with for over 21 years and married to for 16 years. You know what I love about this black couple, US … She has own career/job/money/fancy and I have my own Full-time job, business ventures, a cargo van and “fancy car”. We are “real partners” so we help each other pay for everything we want individually, for our home, and for our two teenage boys. So much for thinking your “psychic skills” work, your no good at that. "
Good for you and congratulations. We all deserve happiness. So what in the world prompted you to come to a site about Interracial dating as an OPTION.... that advocates CHOICE? Just curious... Your post does sound like the same old drivel we often get on this site from those that come for their own agendas. That come to bully, belittle, whine, moan, complain black women and how they just arent bending over for the same old BS that they have gotten in the past. If you are that one out of 1000 here for a different reason, welcome, but again we are just interested in why you are interested in something that you apparently do not believe in. So????
@Teach_this "Didn't mean to write so much,"
Teach.... Wow, NOT too much.... just right. Fantastic advice and really on point. Every bit of it, you said everything I wanted to - and you did it MUCH better! Thank you for your wonderful post.
I really do love this community.... wonderful caring and sharing... advice... discussion... intelligent discourse...
3 weeks, 3 days ago on QOTW: Are You the Backup Booty?
@mzsunshine "Help a Hoe charity.. LOL"
Gee, I missed that dating website when I was seeking a quality woman.... Should have tried it - is it "HelpAHoeCharity dot com"?
3 weeks, 5 days ago on Propaganda Ramping Up On Black Women Dating and Marrying Interracially
Not only do DBR's come in every size shape and color, but idiots do as well...
"How about black women married to white men know they are the ultimate power couple? How about the idea that white men admire the intelligence, resiliency, unique (and ageless) beauty of black women? How about the idea that black women admire that fact that many white men are socialized to marry the mothers of their children and to provide, protect and produce, and those qualities make these white men ultra irresistible to black women who desire such things? How about the fact that white guys married to black women get a kick out of people thinking they’re dating/married to women a decade or so younger than them because black don’t crack? Maybe black women really, really like being courted, treated with respect and have their accomplishments actually seen as a asset, rather than a liability? Maybe these two groups of people have it figured out while all the others are left scratching their heads."
Well....... hmmmmmm.... No. Probably just the desperation thing.
"So…black women aren’t staying married to white men because they’re actually happy and content. They do so out of desperation."
Damn, I was hoping for the "happy and content" as the reason I hope she stays with me.....
@ole'skool Mmmmmmmm good point. REALLY good point.
1 month ago on Black Female Aggressiveness at Epic Levels. Why?
Just wondering... what would the reaction be if he had instead of reacted by pulling out pepper spray and spray her instead of slapping her? Better? Worse? The same? While it may be a reach to call her shoe a "weapon", the fact of the matter is she assaulted him with a weapon.... And spraying her with pepper spray means he does NOT lay hands on her at all.... Hmmmmmm
@divalocity "This is a result of children not being raised properly without any discipline in the home."
I totally agree. I do teach school. I do see it every day. I just have to look at a student for a few minutes and can give a fairly accurate profile of the home situation.
@Cami2210 I agree with you to a large extent but it leads to this following question that MUST be asked..... "I carry myself like a lady and don't pick fights with men,".... so what in your opinion is a man to do when he is being physically attacked by a woman? I am not talking about being trashy and therefore "beating up trashy black women for being trashy". At what point does he have a right to defend himself? If a man is getting slapped, punched, and/or clawed, at what point does he have the right to slap her or push her away from him to fend off the attack? I am just asking.....
Just as the man needs to know he shouldnt hit a woman, the woman needs to know she can NOT just attack someone and think they just have to take it.
Look, I was raised that a man does not hit a woman. I raised my kids that way too. time to evaluate and perhaps adapt. I am going to teach my sons and daughters.... a man should never hit a woman UNLESS he is DEFENDING HIMSELF at which point he has every right to do so. Meaning I am teaching my daughters to not start anything that you are not willing to have finished. This stuff is a mess. Over the years I myself have been scratched, gouged, slapped and did nothing. Should that first line of defending yourself be to walk away? Should it have been mine? YES. But when that doesnt work... if the aggression continues.... he doesnt have to just take getting attacked. Was his slap appropriate? I believe yes.
I have to say, it has been a long time since anything we discussed here in this community has pissed me off as much as this.
1 month ago on Latest Foot-In-Mouth Cuisine Highlights How the BC Blames Black Women for Everything.
THIS.IS.APALLING. Scary beyond words. It would be horrible from one of our beloved (tongue in cheek) Hood Fellas that buy into this pervasive attitude (sorry for using big words but most of the trolls that come floating around will already be shaking their heads not understanding a word I am saying) but from a UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT? Are you kidding me? Cross Lincoln University off the list for any of my kids (black or white, I have both). ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME? Dude, you have an extremely respected position and are in a spot where you have the ability to affect real change and you are spouting this drivel? At a Co-ed institution no less? Those that are Blackistan's Finest (again tongue in cheek) that just dont know any better are ignorant and idiotic. This guy is a complete Jackass....
Happy you had a good time. Looks fabulous. I guess if that had happened to Bella, I might prefer that she tell me ON THE PLANE so I no longer had the chance to crank up a scene.
1 month ago on So…I Got Accosted In Cancun…
@Geekette221B @EmpressNK "However, I do make it my policy never to kiss and tell. ;)"
I am told sometimes that I tell too much..... LOL. then again, I dont tell HALF of the stuff Brenda tells...
1 month, 1 week ago on SirLoins’s Babe Wednesday: Mention the unmentionables
@MichelePaynter1 " I'm wondering where are those pics of sistas who are just every day BW? "
Honestly, my Bella looks just as beautiful and seductive in her night gowns. Not so sure she would let me post a pic, though, she is fairly private and already thinks I share too much business on the internet... ;)
@Brenda55 @A2_Bella Yeah,,,, she tends to lurk. I keep trying to get her out of that shell.... lol
OK, so early on in our dating, I dont know how we got on the subject of sleepwear, and she mentioned that she sleeps in a gown. I freaked out because when I heard the word "gown" I pictured a flannel gown that goes from buttoned neck to the ankles. Ummmm, no, ah, access.... yes, I have discovered how wonderfully appealing and sexy a gown really can be. I even bought her one for sweetest day....
@Statuesque "What's funny about Viola Davis is that she looks better now that she did when she was younger. I find a lot of darker skin women actually look their best when they are late 30s to 50."
Ooooh... Viola Davis is HOT HOT HOT.... I Love watching Murder. She has those piercing laser eyes too.... While Kerry Washington is hot too... I like the end of Thurs night TV the best.
1 month, 1 week ago on Asset Maximizing: Black Women Have the ‘Ageless Advantage’
@BreannaNouveaux "Ageless skin. Curvy bodies. Gravity defying hair."
I love all three....
@SavageTango "This is such a minefield for us white guys. You tricky chicks, do you have ANY idea how difficult it is for us to estimate your age? Do you?"
Why do we need to?
" Our skin is an asset. And don’t think for one moment non-black men don’t consider this. They do. A lot."
Oh, yeah... it is.... And I am with the Hubster on that one. Is one of the things that we love about black women is that they age beautifully? Of course. I LOVE that Bella is younger than I am and looks younger still. Black girls from a fairly young age take care of their skin better... putting on lotion constantly.. being dry and ashy is more obvious on black skin so its get taken care of... and a lifetime of care and lotion will result - down the road - in aging better.
By the way... wow... Angela Bassett still looks awesome. My favorite example is still a 70 year old and looking beautiful Gladys Knight...
Walk away. "I am not sure if I want to date interracially and I need time to think about it" is a HUGE red flag. As we have all talked about on this site (quite a bit, actually) there are many challenges, trials, and tribulations to being in an IRR. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to live in this world and put up with some of these. You cant "kind of" be willing to face them. Most of us - maybe all of us - live in this world despite those challenges because the rewards of having a loving mate of any color far outweigh those negatives for us. But everyone has to make their own choice in this regard....
1 month, 1 week ago on On Vetting: When a Guy Expresses Doubts About Interracial Dating…
Wow.... I dont understand either...
1 month, 2 weeks ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
@NYMan @EarthJeff Anything tastes good if you add enough sugar, chocolate, or cheese. You could take a piece of melted plastic and make it taste good by adding enough of one of those three. Dryer lint in a cheese quesadilla = yummy.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Is Pumpkin Pie for White People?
@MerrieHare "I would just like some clarity, because I am the mother of two black boys and I do not want this negative stigma to be placed on them. "
Being a mother is hard work and I wish you - with all sincerity - all the luck in the world doing so. Hopefully this will help with some clarity. Raise them to be good men. Loving, respectful, intelligent, polite. Raise them to be strong and objective thinkers. Teach them to be understanding. How to listen. How to be caring and kind. Raise them to be positive leaders in this world. Teach them to be accountable for their actions, all their actions. Raise them to be responsible and honest. Teach them tolerance and peace and how to respect diversity... to recognize the gifts of other races, creeds, and colors without hate or suspicion or anger. The world needs more good men and and women. If they should find themselves on a place that does not match their interests or on which they are uncomfortable, such as an interracial relationships site, they will have the freedom to think "this is not for me, I will move on to a place that does match my interests and where I am comfortable". We ALL have that freedom.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@Brenda55 @Sfbta " I like manipulating words and have gotten pretty good at it over the years."
You have gotten VERY good at it over the years.... fantastic writer.... Teacher give you an "A"....
@darkandlovely @kennaGransberg @NicoleLittle "The person who makes the most money has the most power on the household. "
Wow... here is a silly idea... be more powerful TOGETHER....
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
@kennaGransberg @NicoleLittle "When my mom was graduating from college he never came to her graduation. he went work that day. My father is pretty much owns his own business so he could have taken the time off, he was just simply threatened by my moms need to better herself. Another thing he did was always talk about how much more money he made than her. Yep! that's ma daddy."
I am sorry but... what an idiot? Didnt even come to her graduation? What kind of MAN doesnt support his wife and mate? I guess I am just naive. As a teacher, I am all about education. As a man, I am all about supporting my woman fully. I get that it is about the power, I just dont get the need for that power alone instead of you BOTH becoming stronger and more powerful. yeah, I know, if she becomes more powerful her options expand greatly and you might need to step up your game and do your damn part for the partnership... or lose her if you dont. I have a simple solution.... step it up. Be the best mate and loving partner that you can be. That she deserves. That you deserve. That your family deserves. Geez...... Yes, I am irritated...
@Oaktown Paul "Public figures may now start encouraging bw to find better, but (to avoid the male backlash) they will stop short of advising them to date outside their race. "
I think you are spot on...
The weird thing is.... I HATE sweet potatoes but sweet potato pie.... Yummy....
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Is Pumpkin Pie for White People?
Both. What time is dinner?
@Brenda55 @janet28 " The non-black men who come here have a goal and that is to listen, learn and inter-act with black women since their goal is a fulfilling relationship with black women and the children that they are raising or want to raise with black women. "
That is so true. I know for myself, I have learned SO much from being a part of this community. Things that I have learned here and shared here and support that I have received here .... it has all been so wonderful. And all of this has made me a better mate in my relationships with black women. I like the think that I have offered back just as much through my interaction as a member of this community. I daresay almost all of us in the community do - to various levels - enjoy being here otherwise we are free to move on to places that we DO enjoy. Dialogue here is almost always respectful, even if one may disagree. Intelligent discourse is both valued and welcomed. Christelyn and the moderators work very hard to keep this place what it is, what those of us who live here want it to be. Those that want to be a part of that are welcomed. Those that come with agendas, well, you will be shut down pretty quickly and are certainly free to go where you will find like-minded folks.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@TeeVee Thank you so much. I havent written in awhile, have I (and I do love doing so)? I might have to come up with something.... I am very excited about my relationship and upcoming marriage. She is a sweetheart and we are very much in love with each other. Often, I find myself wondering what I did to be so blessed. Oh, I have - as we all have - had my share of trials and tribulations. But I dont know why He gave me such a blessing. Maybe it is my reward for being a teacher and dealing with all those BadAzz kids everyday... and actually making an impact on a few of them... maybe my reward for continuing to be an influence in the lives of my "inherited" kids from Bee (and I am SO thankful how understanding Bella is about that.. she is wonderfully supportive).. I just dont know.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on My Strong Is <em>Not</em> Your Strong, My Swirl Is <em>Not</em> Your Swirl: On White Women Entitlement Issues And Epic Cockblocking
@TeeVee " Toni, please accept my sincerest thanks for this essay. Outstanding!"
She is an amazingly accomplished writer, isnt she?
@chocolate_fashionista @EarthJeff " Anyways, I'm glad that we as black women have the full package!!!"
Oh, yes, you lovely ladies have the full package for certain.....
@chocolate_fashionista @darkandlovely " I think that we as black women are incredibly exotic! I just think that our look is not nearly as appreciated. It's the stereotype and the stigma that do us as black women in. In my opinion, we are just as exotic and appealing as any other group of women!!"
I agree with you fully. I would even submit that black women are MORE exotic and appealing than any other group of women. Soft dark eyes that no other can match. Nice feminine curves that just drives to the primal desires from mother nature to attract male to female. Rich deep beautiful skin tones that just make EVERY black woman unique from every other. An ability to wear vibrant colors that no other group can pull off the same way. Yes the battle is against hundreds of years of stereotypes and stigma.
@KingsDaughter @EarthJeff "You are a sweetheart EarthJeff!"
Awwwww, gee.... thank you
This is very educational. I would have thought it to be a compliment - and I have used it that way, but I can see where to many.. it would not be. This neighborhood continues to "school me" in a very positive way... and I am glad... Thanks, ladies
@SirLoinDeBeef @Jamila "Welcome back, Jamila, I've missed you. "
I have missed you too... happy to see you back
1 month, 4 weeks ago on Listen Ladies! If You’re Going to Complain About How “Black Men Hate You” While Scoffing at Expanding Your Options…Then You’re Just Begging.
@itsgoodtobeme @ladyofmagic1974 " I wouldn't even call them "beta" males. That's an insult to betas. No power, nothing tangible that any sane woman would want. Nothing but a walking penis."
JUST males, certainly not men....
@EmpressNK " I'm impressed that you contacted Christelyn. I think you're a smart girl and I have high hopes for you. I wish you all the best, and I hope you will step up to the plate and seek the best for your own life x. "
To the writer.... I believe that you are smart and I have high hopes for you as well. As I tell my students all the time (I teach high school), Blaze your own path. Reflect on the way. What worked well and are processes that you want to keep? What steps could have been better, and knowing that now, what changes will you make and what things that did work will you more fully incorporate in your life? You have as much value as anyone else in this world. Take your place in it. Live and love and laugh and thrive. Yes, along the way there will be frustrations and heartbreak and bad experiences. Dont shrink from them either - you WILL survive and thrive and be stronger for those experiences too. Enjoy the ride, both the thrilling parts as well as the scary ones. At the final bell many years from now, we all have a complete story, and only you can write yours. Good luck and much happiness to you.
2 months ago on Young Girl Needs Our Guidance: 15 Year-Old-Girl, Only Interested in Men 26-50.