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As a woman, I have a lot of empathy for Andrew. I also grew up in a family in which problems and even interests were mostly not discussed and we weren't demonstrative in our affections either.  Based on the description of some of Andrew's personality traits and the kind of communication that was normal for him, it makes a lot of sense that it took some time for him to be able to share his feelings.  And even if a romantic relationship ended up not being in the cards, sometimes guys are just really great friends who treat their best girl  friend really well and are protective, without there being actual romantic feelings there.  Anyway, I am glad that it all worked out and that even though Andrew hesitated a couple of times that he was able to share his feelings eventually

1 month ago on Andrew and Brooke – A “Perfect For Us” Relationship

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I was never a fan of Kanye, and over the past few years, he has lost a lot of respect from people who were once fans of his because of his antics and big mouth. He just doesn't make any sense.  I watched an interview with Amber recently and even though I'm not a fan of her, I think she is a lot more interesting than those Kardashians. There's something about her that's just cool. It's to bad that women, like Amber or frankly any woman for that matter, ever gave him the time of day with his looking like a bad bodied troll self.  I'm glad that Amber exposed him for treating her badly and said that he even apologized to her after SHE broke up with him.  But I guess that apology was meaningless.

1 month, 1 week ago on Kanye’s Comments About Amber Rose Highlights How White Women Are “Always” Virtuous No Matter How Skeezy Their Past.

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@ZaraChiron 


"I highly doubt that if Jon remembers this (bad) memory that he is thinking "Oh..the day that girl rejected me." He is most likely remembering it as "The day those jerks humiliated me." "


I agree with this.  If anything, he may very well remember you, but probably more so a memory of an opportunity to get to know a nice person not coming to fruition because of the ignorant behavior of other people.


Another thing I have to say is that when I was in school, I used to enjoy speaking to Internationalal students because from my experience, the ones I spoke to were always nice.  There is a different vibe to a lot of them.  They're coming from their home countries to get an education somewhere else, and a lot of them are open to speaking to people of other races, cultures, etc. 

1 month, 1 week ago on Zara: Asian Men, Black Women…So Undesirable, We Don’t Even Want Each Other

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This story annoyed me in more than one way.  I was mostly annoyed that the other students in the classroom were so rude.  One thing I hated about high school and even college to some extent was the fact that it was so difficult to have conversations without several other people walking up and interrupting without any hesitation. I remember being an introverted high school student and feeling very overwhelmed at times by how difficult it was to actually have a conversation with another student without being bombarded by other students who felt like they could just come up and interrupt the conversation because they wanted to socialize as well. I could only imagine how nervous Jon was to actually approach and try to initiate conversation in what could be considered an overwhelming, unruly space.


And while I do give Jon a lot of credit for his actions, I do want to say that I think that maybe in his nervousness, he said to much while other people were around, instead of holding back a bit and asking more questions of Zara during a phone conversation or during an opportunity where it was less likely that other people would interrupt their conversation.  Because in a high school class, a conversation like that is going to draw at least a little bit of attention.


This example provides a lot of lessons including:  perceptions of race and IR relationships, rudeness in classroom settings, the importance of knowing ones surroundings and when to say certain things, etc, etc, etc.

1 month, 1 week ago on Zara: Asian Men, Black Women…So Undesirable, We Don’t Even Want Each Other

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@Oaktown Paul   I completely disagree with your take on this situation.  While yes, the Asian guy did make an effort to approach Zara and speak his true feelings, the situation itself did not allow for either one of them to actually follow through on that conversation or to get to know each other better. If anything, if they ever got to see each other again, it would be a nice opportunity for the BOTH of them to reflect on that situation and how it was a missed opportunity for the BOTH of them due to preconceived notions and ignorant behavior from other people.  If anything, Zara and Jon were both unaware that they could assert themselves and not let those students take away the possibility of what could have ended up in a great friendship/relationship.


Aside from the racial factor here, this story is another example of how students often times don't know how to assert themselves in situations that call for assertive behavior.

1 month, 1 week ago on Zara: Asian Men, Black Women…So Undesirable, We Don’t Even Want Each Other

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@18andlegal @introvertedwanderer @jazzyfae45 


Yeah, if it's one thing about Islanders is that many of them don't play when it comes to kids showing respect and having discipline.  I don't agree with some of the behavioral norms that many Jamaicans take part, but I do support the Jamaican mentality that kids need to respect themselves and others and to strive to do their best.  Kids know from an early age that they aren't going to get away with using lax language, and coming across any old way either in the household or at school or other peoples "yaawd".  There's just some stuff that's not tolerated. When you are raised with those values, it's hard to go to a school or to be in environments where those values aren't taken seriously.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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@Browncow @Vivaforever 


I heard about the guy who got a car because of how many miles he had to walk to get to and from work each day.  I don't blame him for sharing his concerns about his safety now that he has been given things to make his life a bit easier.  It's a good thing that there are others who have taken his concerns seriously and are willing to help him.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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@formeonly Having a script ready is a good idea, but I am the type who will just continue to ignore.  As long as they aren't physically getting into my personal space, I have no problem just giving them the cold shoulder.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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@18andlegal @jazzyfae45 I am Jamaican.  I was born there and then emigrated to the US with my parents when I was a toddler.  I was also raised in a very diverse environment.  I was raised in the suburbs and went to racially diverse schools.  I remember when my parents moved to a majority black area when I was in middle school, I felt very awkward because the mindset and values seemed to be completely different from what I had previously known. Off course I was seen as an oddball because of how I spoke and carried myself. When we moved back to a more racially diverse area again, I again felt comfortable just being myself.  

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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@Ri74  Yep, I agree.  It's better to make positive "I" statements and to positively assert ones self rather than to give justifications. 

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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@trinigirl1  Yeah, sometimes I feel like not every decision needs to be overanalyzed and justified.  Sometimes people just need to do what they would like to do without feeling like they need to give a speech about why they took the paths they did in their lives.  I see this happening more and more since a lot of people feel like they have a story that needs to be told which then opens them up to criticism and others opinions. Especially in this age of social media.  That's why I try to keep my life private for the most part.  I share what I want to share, basically stuff that I don't really care if others want to question me about and that I don't have any problems talking about with other people.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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@Letta @PaoloP @rexy012 


He is just a weird looking guy who truly believes that he is something special.  I saw pictures of the outfit he wore to the Grammy's and he looked awful. I don't know who got it into his head that he is a fashionista. 

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@caligirl94117 @introvertedwanderer @Vivaforever @caramorena 


I think that's the perfect response.  You know what you like and that's that.  A lot of people think that the main reason why black women date out is because of self-hate so that's why they start the lecturing when they are told that a black woman is more interested in non-black men. 

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@Soul_Incites  "I get the overall sentiment of this essay, but it could use another round of editing and proofreading. The thesis gets completely lost in the second half of the article, and the syntax is all over the place. I usually overlook those technical issues and just take in the heart of one's words, but the editor in me is cringing."



I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought this while reading the article. 

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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@N2ition  "I just find non black men scrumpdillyicious, no apologies;-) "


LOL, this has always been my main reason as well. Sometimes, it's just as simple as that.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”

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@The Working Home Keeper @your epiphany @FriendsofJay


It saddens me to hear about what that guy did to your friend.  I hope that she was able to put that situation into perspective and not dwell to long on him. 

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@The Working Home Keeper @introvertedwanderer @FriendsofJay 


This is why when black women date interracially, decide to date interracially, they themselves should not  frame their decision and actions as being driven by the loss of something else.  First, by framing it as a loss instead of a positive course of action, it paints the woman as a victim.  Women do themselves a disservice by getting caught up in the narrative and the journey instead of simply going forth and doing what they want to do.  I realize that there is a story sometimes, but it's not always good to put that story on display so others can then use that same story against them.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@reneeymoore @N2ition  Wow, it seems like you went out with someone who was rather high up on the narcissistic scale.  At least he was overt, so he gave himself away and you didn't end up spending more time with him only to start seeing red flags later on.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@cjdimplez @introvertedwanderer @lili2009 @MamieMadison 


I agree.  Her mom was definitely the one who would undermine the choices Kenya made. 


I also didn't like Kenya's brother either.  He had the typical mentality that he could date whomever he wanted, but interrogated Kenya over Brian.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@The Working Home Keeper @FriendsofJay 


It seems like this needs to be stated over and over again, because there are people who simply fail to acknowledge that there are black women who have always had a preference for non-black men. And most of these women know from a pretty early age that they are mostly attracted to non-black guys, starting from little grade school crushes.


I've always preferred non-black men and have never been with a black guy.  But the common assumption is that if your a black woman, then you should have at least been with at least one black guy. 


1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@cjdimplez @lili2009 @MamieMadison 


Blair's character was definately supposed to be the embodiment of the Ideal Black Man.  In my opinion, he wasn't a bad guy but he was basically the male version of the main character, Kenya.  I liked Brian because he actually challenged her while at the same time making her feel comfortable in her own skin.  Kenya's family played into why her image of herself was the way it was, and why she often limited herself.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@trinigirl1 @introvertedwanderer @MeliaFavors @RobertJamesGriffith 


Yeah, this is not surprising at all. A lot of boys use violence against girls, starting in as early as when kids start school. It is up to the teachers to correct these behaviors and to inform the parents so that the parents can provide guidance and discipline.  But a lot of these boys are not dealt with like that and then go on to use abusive tactics toward girls and a lot of times, girls are not taught to speak up about it, either. 


As the mother of a daughter, I have made sure to tell her that she needs to tell me about what goes on at school.  She is in first grade now, and when she was in kindergarten, there was a boy who used to bully her a bit, and as soon as I heard that he was bullying her, I informed the teacher and let her know that I expected her to keep her eye out and to watch his behavior.


I'm the kind of parent who will be calling the school, writing notes, following up, and keeping documentation.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@MeliaFavors @RobertJamesGriffith  This story is troubling and what makes it worse is that the teacher probably didn't do anything about the bullying, either.  a lot of teachers actually ignore these types of behaviors, either because they don't know how to deal with it or they are so fed up with dealing with bad behavior that they try to focus on what they need to get done for the curriculum.  I graduated from high school around the same time, but I remember stuff like this going on way before then.  I remember in middle school that some of the kids used to call darker skinned girls and guys, "black and crispy" and they weren't reprimanded for it at all. 


There was a video on here over a year ago, about a dark skinned high school girl who was being bullied in class by some other black guys.  She got fed up, said some stuff and left the classroom.  The teacher was young and naive and had not stepped in at all, even though it seemed like the girl had been constantly harassed in class by these guys.  The principal had to sit and talk with her and give her an opportunity to voice her hurt about what was going on, and give her some advice on how to deal with mistreatment.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@Vivaforever @caramorena  I totally agree with your comments. More people need to realize, especially black men, that there are indeed black women who date/marry interracially simply because that's their romantic preference and that's what they like.  A lot of people are still under the assumption that black women only start to engage in interracial relationships because of some type of let down and disappointment from black men. This goes along with other ignorant assumptions like if a black woman is going to be in an IR relationship, at least be with a handsome white guy, one who can provide a lot financially, etc, etc, etc.  People think that black women date IR because of some sort of opportunistic, problematic agenda.  That's why when given the opportunity now, I try to make it clear to people that I've always been interested in IR relationships and that there have been only a few times when I've actually been romantically attracted to a black guy and not really enough to ever really have had the desire to want to be in an actual relationship with a black guy.

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Who Didn’t See This Coming? Threatening the Monopoly of Dating Black Women…

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@MySmile @trinigirl1 @Brenda55 Hello, MySmile, long time no see, and I just wanted to let you know that I agree with your comments on this.   

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Everybody Ain’t “The Lovings”: Why Are Older White Men Being Judged for “Suddenly” Pursuing Black Women?

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@PJDeanwriter


Well one of the issues at work is that white people are allowed to be individuals, so no, there most likely isn't going to be a major outcry when they aren't portrayed as exactly outstanding, productive law abiding citizens who lead perfect lives and never do anything wrong.  The way black people tend to be portrayed in tv and film is problematic because often black characters are reduced to stereotypes and don't necessarily get great character development to show that they aren't just caricatures.  And not every black viewer who watches the show is going to be worrying about what others will think of the black community because of a tv show, sometimes black viewers simply don't like the characters and the storytelling, can't necessarily relate to the characters and tone of the show, and choose not to watch based on that.  I choose not to watch the show because I don't like how overbearing Cookie is and the stereotypes that have been used to build the character and I also don't find any of the other characters very appealing, either. 



1 month, 4 weeks ago on Taraji P. Henson on her role as Cookie on FOX’s ‘Empire’

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I saw the first two episodes and decided that that was it for me.  I tried to give it a chance because of the majority black casting and wanting to support that, but the pejorative language and the stereotypes that are used on the show just don't sit well with me.  I don't care who can relate to Cookie, that's just not the type of character to whom I want to pay much attention.  Another thing I disliked is the fact that Cookie's behavior was so cringe-worthy that it made Terrence Howard's character look good and he's not exactly a good guy.  I understand that Cookie is protective of her son Jamal especially, but her calling him a sissy and using those types of terms about his sexuality while at the same time expressing her affection for him also doesn't sit well with me.  I guess part of the reason why I feel like this as well is because I am a bisexual black woman and even though I have not revealed my sexuality to everyone in my family, with the exception of my sister because I choose not to do so, I know that none of my family members would use pejorative terms toward me and they wouldn't be threatened by my sexuality, either.  I think that showing that there are black people and black families who don't have issues with other peoples sexuality would be a step in the right direction rather than the typical portrayal of homophobic black people.

1 month, 4 weeks ago on Taraji P. Henson on her role as Cookie on FOX’s ‘Empire’

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@dani-BBW @introvertedwanderer Yes, the thing is that I definitely understand why she is hurt and how some of her actions or most of her actions stem from being hurt and wanting her fair share and maybe even more because of what she has been through, but the behavior she engages in is as you said, cringeworthy.  In my opinion, there is no reason why Cookie and her assistant couldn't be a bit more put together while still engaging in underhanded, manipulative, vengeful behavior.

2 months, 1 week ago on Sleepy Hollow is on the Verge of Cancellation. What Happened?

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@patranila @Patricia82 @introvertedwanderer


"And through all the obstacles, the two mains have to maintain their connection and the 'hope and promise' of an Us. You don't do it by bringing in a third character (obstacle) and making the obstacle the center of the story and relegating your original primary character to caretaker status."


Exactly, and unfortunately this is usually the direction a show heads into once there is even an inkling of a lot of chemistry with a potential IR pairing. Once the powers that be realize that there is a huge fan-base for an IR pairing that's when the rug gets pulled out from under that pairing and the show goes in a different direction with the characters.  It's almost like a cruel joke on the fans at this point. That's why even though I am mostly into IR romance story-lines, I don't usually get my hopes up because I know how the story-line typically goes.


for the character Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries, a lot of viewers have been quite annoyed with the way Bonnie has been treated like a second class citizen.  And she is supposed to be a character who has tremendous power which makes the way she is treated even more annoying.

2 months, 1 week ago on Sleepy Hollow is on the Verge of Cancellation. What Happened?

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@Patricia82 @introvertedwanderer Well, I do agree that there is a pattern to how romantic relationships/potential relationships are dealt with, but in my opinion, it is even more glaring when it comes to potential interracial pairings.  And not only that, but the point of what I was saying is that once the sabotage and wrench comes into a potential IR pairing, usually that it is the end of what might have been a great couple.  Usually IR pairings in tv series are not given the same chance to grow, develop, and withstand obstacles and adversity.  I've seen this time and time again with IR TV pairings.  It usually happens where the two people like each other, end up sleeping together or at least heavily flirting, only for some problem to crop up and then that's the end of what could have been.  I think the problem is that IR pairings are not seen as END GAME where as some of these other couples who get obstacles thrown at them are usually seen as being the "IT" couple and are more than likely going to end up together no matter what or who else comes along along the way.

2 months, 1 week ago on Sleepy Hollow is on the Verge of Cancellation. What Happened?

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Another thing  I've noticed is that interracial couples or even interracial friendships that might turn to romance don't really last long on shows because the writers end up sabotaging these relationships by having the characters themselves not take these relationships seriously or another character is thrown in to steer the relationship off track. IN my opinion, the worse part about doing this is that the interracial pairings/potential pairings on these shows tend to have the most chemistry and potential and all of that just gets wasted for no good reason.  The same thing happened with the tween/teen show Twisted that used to air on ABC Family. Twisted got cancelled after less than a year and I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that the two non-white leads, an Asian guy and a black girl, had a lot of chemistry and were supposed to really like each other but their relationship and potential as a couple was ruined because so much attention was placed on the third lead who was a white girl. By putting most of the attention on her feelings and her point of view, the characters who would have gotten more attention were placed on the back burner and a lot of fans did not like it and criticized the writing.

2 months, 1 week ago on Sleepy Hollow is on the Verge of Cancellation. What Happened?

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I stopped watching Sleepy Hollow at the end of the first season.  For some reason, I just didn't like where it seemed the direction of the show was going.  I really did like the chemistry that was there from the start between Tom and Nicole though.  When two leads have that much chemistry the show really needs to play up on that and write scenes that will allow for this chemistry to be used.  I may have to watch a few episodes from the second season just to see how Tom Mison continued to play Ichabod because during the first season, Nicole's character Abby's witty lines kept him in check so that Ichabod wasn't portrayed as obnoxious but I could easily see him coming across that way if not kept in check by smart lines from other characters.


As far as the show Empire with Taraji P. Henson, I don't like the show.  Taraji's character, Cookie, has got to be one of the most obnoxious characters that I have seen in a  while. She makes other people in the show who are supposed to come across badly actually look better because of her behavior. With Cookie, many stereotypes about black women are used and I don't feel like supporting a show in which this type of character gets a lot of scene time.

2 months, 1 week ago on Sleepy Hollow is on the Verge of Cancellation. What Happened?

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@dani-BBW @introvertedwanderer  I think that the series is going to air at the beginning of next month on BET.  I'm disappointed that I have to wait a few more weeks to watch it.  I don't really get excited about shows or movies, but this is one that has definitely captured my interest.  

2 months, 3 weeks ago on Civil Rights: Can We Focus Less on Marching and ‘The Struggle?’

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@waldeinsamkeit And even if black actresses aren't playing the "neck rolling, attitude having, independent woman" role, then they play the sidekick role, which is a role that usually means having to prop up, support, and entertain the white woman who off course demands everyone's attention.

2 months, 3 weeks ago on Civil Rights: Can We Focus Less on Marching and ‘The Struggle?’

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Is anyone here going to watch the minieseries  "The Book of Negroes". about an African woman named Aminata Diallo, who is taken from Africa and brought to America to be a slave.  It's a story about her journey through slavery and also her freedom. I hadn't heard anything about her until I came across a preview for the series on tv recently. Just from what I know so far, it seems like it is going to be a very interesting account of this woman's life during that time period. It seems to be less about the actual condition of slavery and the hardships associated with it and more so about this woman's ability to get through those conditions and how she affected other people because of her will and determination.

2 months, 3 weeks ago on Civil Rights: Can We Focus Less on Marching and ‘The Struggle?’

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@BeauWinters  Last week, my sister and I had wanted to see a movie since we hardly go to the cinema anymore, and Top Five was the only one that we had any interest in watching. I hadn't heard much about the movie since i don't pay much attention to what the latest movie releases are anymore, but my sister said that Top Five was supposed to be funny and that we should watch it.  At the last minute, I decided to just stay home, so she went by herself.  She came to my house after the movie and talked a little about the movie.  She said that it was funny but that she was disappointed in how many times the N word was used.  As soon as she said that, I was so happy that I had decided not to go.  I am getting wary of these movies in which the N word seems to just roll off everyone's tongue.  To make matters worse, since the audience is made up of more than just black people, there are other people who are sitting there consuming this.  My sister said that at one point, a group of white guys that were watching and enjoying the movie seemed to get uncomfortable to laugh at a scene in which the word was being used.  I don't usually watch movies that have a majority black cast, but I recently decided that I am going to give more of them a chance (as long as it's not comedy) since there are indeed some black cast movies that are in genres such as drama, supernatural, mystery, etc.  I  saw a movie the other day called The Last Letter that fit into the mystery, suspense genre. It starred Sharon Leal, who is a pretty well known black actress and Lynn Whitfield also had a small role. The movie was kind of low budget, but it was refreshing to find a majority black cast movie that wasn't comedy or rom-com material.

2 months, 3 weeks ago on Civil Rights: Can We Focus Less on Marching and ‘The Struggle?’

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@Keioni   I agree with this statement, and I also think that Wes did not need to clarify anything about his choice.  White men are also free to date whom they want.  In this instance, this guy found a woman who was receptive to his approach and they went out on a date.  It seems pretty simple to me.  It's scary that it seems to be getting to the point where the logic is that if white men are going to date black women then they are only allowed to date one who is dark/very dark in complexion, so then if they do date someone who is lighter in complexion, then they have to justify their choice. 

2 months, 4 weeks ago on Special Guest: Interracial Dating and Colorism

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@FriendsofJay @introvertedwanderer


"I suppose my comments can seem naive at times to AAs. I know almost nothing of your world and your sensitivities."


This statement is troublesome and from some of the comments I have read from you in other comment sections, you sometimes come across very dismissive, in my opinion.  People try to point things out or share their concerns, and then you come with an attittude of "oh there's nothing to worry about, white men and white people love you as you are".  To me, that sounds very condescending and paternalistic and also takes away from the impact of white supremacy and white privilege. Plus, you generalize what white people like about black people.  How do you know what features are going to be likeable to various white men and white people. As a black woman, I have been around quite a few black woman and some of the features that you are talking about are not features that I see first hand all that much, such as the gap in the front teeth.  Not everybody shares the same features, likes, dislikes, goals, and values, and traditions. When you talk about black women, it's as though you are talking about an alien group, people that you view as specimens to be observed and then to generalize.

3 months ago on Okay; I’ll Admit It. I’m Feeling Some Kinda Way about the New Doc, “Light Girls.”

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@chocolate_fashionista @FriendsofJay @darkandlovely Great comment.  I hate to say it, but FriendofJay's comment seems a bit naive to me.  Off course there are white people who actively participate in colorism.  I've been around white people and have read comments from white people that made it quite clear that they do indeed recognize skin complexion and make judgments and have preconceived notions based on how light or dark someone's complexion.  And also some of these ethnic white groups that he says white people embrace, well, there is a process of becoming white, and some of these groups weren't even considered white at one point.  There are people who act like any idea or behavior that is negative is just part of the black community and that there is no way to understand, when actually there are ways to gain understanding about it and to realize that things don't just happen in a vacuum.  By saying that it's just some weird problem in the black community takes away responsibility from other groups who helped  to shape and continue the behavior as well.

3 months ago on Okay; I’ll Admit It. I’m Feeling Some Kinda Way about the New Doc, “Light Girls.”

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@The Working Home Keeper  "Just because I'm dark-skinned and have experienced judgement from other black people because of my hue doesn't mean I can't feel empathetic towards women of a lighter hue.  More importantly, I'm the mother of a light-skinned, biracial daughter.  And the experiences of women who look like my daughter are of interest to me.  Because I will have to help my daughter navigate these difficult waters should she encounter color-struck individuals or other girls acting out due to emotional hurt."

Great response.   I am on the lighter side of the skin color spectrum (not biracial though) and I have a biracial daughter.  I am just happy that we live in a community in which every day she sees other people who look like her and is also exposed to people who look different from her. When I hear her mention other peoples complexion, I have told her that not everyone looks the same and she needs to respect differences in skin complexion.  This conversation needs to start when they are young.


I was at a restaurant yesterday and actually overheard a white women telling her daughter that she needs to respect peoples differences and not make peoples race and ethnic background into a big deal.  I was glad I was there to overhear it.  It shows that some people are willing to tackle this conversation which allows their kids to become more sensitive and have some discretion in their interactions with others.

3 months ago on Okay; I’ll Admit It. I’m Feeling Some Kinda Way about the New Doc, “Light Girls.”

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I think that any darker skin black women who lacks sympathy for lighter skinned women and then CHOOSES to have a relationship with a non-black man and has kids by that man needs to become more open minded and willing to listen to others who have also faced problems because of colorism. It's actually kind of sad to think about because if you lack understanding, then what are you going to say to your own lighter skinned kids if/when they start getting questions and being ridiculed about their complexion and features.  Are you going to dismiss their pain and roll your eyes because you don't think that their pain is relevant or worthy of acknowledgment. 

3 months ago on Okay; I’ll Admit It. I’m Feeling Some Kinda Way about the New Doc, “Light Girls.”

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@jenny flagg My problem with people bringing up this idea that Cosby should still be given credit and acknowledged for the things he said about behavior in the black community is that it still gives this man respect that at this point, I don't think he deserves.  A lot of people who have some serious personal issues,  may still have good advice to give to others, but I think the question to ask is what is the motivation or agenda for giving this advice. Just to use a personal example,  my father has made many bad decisions in his life and he's also an addict and a Narcissist.  I don't have much contact with him now, but during the times when I would see him, he loved to preach about academic excellence, image, and he'd grill me about my grades.  If I told him I got a B in a class, he'd ask me "what happened?"  I used to get very frustrated because I felt like I couldn't measure up even though I barely saw this guy anyway and  he hadn't been any type of father to me.  The last time I saw him, he engaged in all of these behaviors and I felt humiliated. But then I thought about it, and I came to the conclusion that I was not going to allow this guy to have that kind of power over me.  Here was this person who had sabotaged his own life but then had the audacity to try to preach to me  even though he was in the midst of his own problems.My point is that these types of people don't need a lot of acknowledgment for the things that they say even if some of the things that they say are valid.  Bill Cosby preaches about building a positive image but then he's out there tarnishing his own reputation through his unsavory behavior.  Based on stories that are out there about him about his behavior over the years, not only with the women who are accusing him but also just with other people who worked with him, it seems like he was doing the exact opposite of trying to promote a positive image of himself to friends, coworkers, and community.

3 months, 1 week ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…

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@LilaLeslie  "Additionally, some of the victims says that there were multiple rapes over the years. If someone raped you once, why would you continue to hang around the rapist for years?"


i think that part of the problem is that a lot of times women simply don't have good boundaries and never learned how to assert boundaries, so if someone shows bad behavior toward them once, that same behavior or even worse has to happen a few times before they start actively trying to do something about the mistreatment they have experienced.  It's very easy to say "Oh, well, if I were in that situation and if someone tried to do something, you best believe, it wouldn't happen again" but it takes some people a while to even muster up that amount of strength.

3 months, 4 weeks ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…

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@Penny " We have a nasty habit of expecting perfection from people who try to correct us. Moral failure does not negate moral failure."

In my opinion, it's not about expecting perfection, but at the very least, trying to practice what one preaches.  If Cosby and anyone else wants to go around acting like some moral authority, then at the very least, these people should have a decent behavioral history of their own.  Yes, people make mistakes in life, but if any of these accusations about Bill Cosby are true, then in my opinion, he comes off looking very bad for trying to lecture to other people and in the midst of that, doing the very things or far worse than what he scoffs at other people for doing.  I've done some reading about Cosby on different sites and the fact that these allegations are out there now and his own family has had some serious issues over the years, says something about this guy and the level of hubris that he has.


4 months ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…

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@trinigirl1 I stopped idolizing and putting people up on pedestals a long time ago, as well.  I think it's fine to respect a person's accomplishments and body of work and the efforts that they make in their lives, but that's where it ends for me.  This is why I was not devastated or surprised when these accusations about Cosby started coming out like a tidal wave.  

4 months ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…

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@chocolate_fashionista  From what I have been reading of Cosby's behavior, I also came to the conclusion that he most likely is a Narcissist way up on the disorder scale.  His silence in response to these accusations doesn't surprise me either.  Aside from being advised by his lawyers to keep quiet, if Cosby is a Narcissist, then his cold response may just be a symptom of his personality as well.  I've been around Narcissists and one I knew would keep her mouth shut and not utter a word when confronted on something.  The responsibility was always on the other person, never her.  I could see Cosby being just like this. So none of this surprises me.  It's interesting to see Narcissism playing out in the media, though.  Off course, one might say that most celebrities have a high degree of narcissism  but I think what we are now seeing a lot more of the pathological variety of this trait playing out in the public eye, from Cosby to George Zimmerman.  These people are fascinating studies for the extreme end of this trait.

4 months ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…

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@The Working Home Keeper @sunflowerraven I'm Jamaican, and I grew up hearing the word "plait" instead of braid.  Whenever my mom was ready to do my hair, she would say "come, I'm going to plait your hair". Like you, my mom used to do my hair in just a few plaits because that's what she knew how to do.  If I wanted smaller braids or cornrows I had to ask my aunt to do those styles since she was the go-to hair person. If she did my hair, my braids would last for a week or two if I protected the style with a cap at night, 

6 months, 1 week ago on TBT: Brown Girls Rocking Beads on Braids

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@Melony234 Bravo, to your post. You stated everything that I had been thinking  I also think that darker skinned black women/people need to realize that if they do decide to date and marry interracially, then guess what, they might have a child that is going to be light/fair skinned.  What is their attitude going to be if their light skinned child gets bullied for his or her complexion.  How are they as parents going to feel about that? Are they going to tell their own children to shut up and get over it because it's not as important.  Are these people who have this kind of attitude toward lighter skinned individuals going to set up a dynamic in which their own children who may have lighter skin will feel unprotected and like their experiences don't matter.

6 months, 3 weeks ago on How Blackistanis Police Their Own: Girl Gets a Beat Down for “Acting White” (And Being Too Light)

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I've spoken a little bit on here in previous post comments about my own experience growing up as a lighter skinned black woman, and this entry actually validates some of the points that myself and a few other light skinned black woman who visit this site have tried to express. From my own experience, when I was in elementary/middle school school during the mid to late 90's, I didn't know anything about skin complexion and how big of an issue it was until I started going to a predominantly black middle school. There were several black girls there who seemed to make it their priority to let me know that I was light skinned or "high yellow" and whatever other terms they called me regarding my skin color. They also made fun of me for "acting white" because of how I spoke, the clothes I wore, and how my hair was done.  I had long hair that was natural, and my mom used to fix it in a few braids in the morning before I went to school. They made fun of all of that.  Before going to this school, I had attended a very diverse elementary school and none of the kids treated me like that, including other black students.  And outside of school,  none of my family members  and peers had ever made a big deal out of skin complexion. It was only through attending predominately black schools or having a lot of black people in my classes that this stuff became more of an issue.  I'm just lucky that no one ever tried to fight me.  Some of them may have verbally tried to bully me, but they never tried to be physically confrontational.  But obviously other people haven't been as fortunate and have dealt with some traumatic experiences.

6 months, 3 weeks ago on How Blackistanis Police Their Own: Girl Gets a Beat Down for “Acting White” (And Being Too Light)

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