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I can't imagine spending that much time with no definition. After a month we decided we were together lol.
1 week ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
I agree completely. I've never had this issue, but I'm aware of what to look for. A cousin of mine who is half white and doesn't "look" black dated an Asian American guy for a few years. They didn't just break up for one reason, but she did mention that his parents didn't really know that she is part of a huge black family lol. Think his parents had too much influence on him for her liking. After they broke up he started dating an Asian girl.
:D That made my morning
2 months, 3 weeks ago on Man Candy Monday: Long Hair, Don’t Care
This case is so disgusting. Since when do we want baby rapists to "fare well" in prison?
3 months, 3 weeks ago on Who Gets Away With Raping Innocent Kids? Blackinstani Folks and Really Rich White People.
Yes! Black folks will gladly declare how quickly that would tear up their kid's ass if they did xyz.... How do people not see that has to come directly from a slave history? So fast to scoff at the suggestion of actually talking to your child to teach them right from wrong, and trying other methods of discipline. That girl would've benefited so much more from a punishment and a talk about how serious and dangerous it is to disappear for a few days.
I've seen so many black people talking about how they would've have done the same, or that "she got off easy", and bringing up past memories of their own beatings. It makes me so sad that this shit is considered normal for many. How many times do I have to hear or see "I was whooped and I turned out fine..."? I also turned out fine, and nobody had to beat my ass to make me that way.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on DISGUSTING! Father Beats 13 Year-Old Girl, Mother Watches, Records and Calls Her Daughter a B*tch
@Chicago404 Wow. I'm not surprised though. He has issues...can't stand him.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on Really, Nicki Minaj? What Are You Trying to Prove?
Having been able to completely stay at home for different periods of time I have definitely seen that it is expected that I work. It was very annoying to be asked when I was going to get a job or that I needed to work. My ex (from El Salvador) was completely fine with me staying at home for as long as I wanted. The crazy thing is that at times I've had to wonder if I was lazy just because I wanted to be at home. The baby years pass by so fast...I'm lucky I was able to not miss them.
5 months, 1 week ago on Why Is Everyone Mad At A “Non-Working” Black Woman?
So he was mad you couldn't work, but now he's found himself a "mail order bride" type? She most definitely will be a housewife... But I guess that's proving the point of this article. For a black woman that is not okay, but for a non-black woman that's fine. Smh.
Nice article. I actually used to be on this blog all the time, but in the past year I've only been on and commented a handful of times. I have definitely at times seen the things you've mentioned here. Honestly I think I was just tired of seeing posts turn into black men vs. white men debates - that shit got boring to me as I haven't dated any white men and I've only dated one black guy lol.
But I have also experienced the feeling of not belonging. I'm now 26 and not where I thought I would be in life. I'm not single, but not married, I now have two kids, and I still haven't finished school. I've agreed with many topics I've seen on the blog, but I can totally see how some people could feel like they don't belong here. While a lot of the things discussed here are about the betterment of black women I can't say it always comes without a judgmental tone. That could throw off newbies to the site, especially if the concept of them doing for themselves and bettering themselves is new to them.
Like I said, I've struggled with feeling out of place in my own life. Nobody expected me to not have a degree, have two kids before being married, and not have a good job - but that's where I am for now. I don't like that I can't do certain things my sister or some of my friends can, but I've accepted it. I had to learn how not to beat myself up for it either. So I can come to this site and read the opinions and judgments of others and I will be okay. Others might not be at that point, but hopefully they stick around and find something helpful.
6 months, 3 weeks ago on Message to the Lurkers: Not All of Us Are Preaching to the Choir
I agree with Jeff on this issue. Nobody is saying that she needs to be BFF with his ex-wife, but why would you not want to meet the children, and by extension their mother, of your significant other? Just because they are adult children doesn't mean you will never have to interact with them. I personally would be insulted if the person I was with didn't want to meet my kids at all. Isn't it at least a good sign that her bf will be staying with her while his ex is in the house lol?
9 months ago on QOTW: I’m black, but now I have “white people problems”…
That's amazing. I would be forever grateful to those boys. I just read today a sad story about a little 6 year old whose body was found stuffed in a trash can. This little girl could've ended up the same way had it not been for them.
1 year ago on Good News You Can Use: Two Teens Chase Down Kidnapper--- Rescue 5 Year Old in PA
It's still the same approach for me. I don't do anything different. People will reach their own conclusions. But if people actually ask me or tell me their assumptions then I can confirm or correct them.
1 year ago on Do You Feel The Need to Distance Yourself from Other Black Women?
Yes, some people feel the need to do all that. In my eyes that's trying too hard and a waste of energy. If you are not a certain way, your actions should be able to speak for you.
I don't feel the need to distance myself from black women who display qualities I don't like or behave in ways I don't agree with. I am in a position where I don't usually have to witness or be near the bs of individuals I don't know. I'm almost always at home with my kids, but I'm sure that will soon change as I'm looking to start working again. I have faith that the people that are actually in my life have enough brain cells to rub together to conclude that I am an individual. That I am a women that just happens to be black, and the actions of one or even many, don't reflect on me. As far as the people that would just lump us all together - they don't concern me.
LOVED this post. And yes Serita, it did get hot in here! I let my mind wonder into what could've happened had your friend not been a cock blocker lol. At least you got a kiss before you left.
1 year, 1 month ago on Aye Papi............One Woman's Love Affair With Latino Men
Well I knew Paula Deen would pop up lol. She said she's used "nigger" before, but a long time ago. I'm not gonna say it's a rule for all white Southerners of her age to use the word, but is it surprising that it's come out of her mouth in the past?? Uh, NO. And generally speaking, I wouldn't necessarily hold that against somebody...something they've said in the past. From seeing various stories about this and the actual deposition, I think people may have twisted her words and the entire situation.
1 year, 1 month ago on Recap of All the WTF News We Missed Last Week...
Technically yes, but "baby daddy" carries a negative connotation...
1 year, 2 months ago on Beware of Weight-Loss Haters! J-Hud's Fiancé Gripes that he Misses Her Being a Big'n.
I understand what is being said, but I don't think that we can be sure he is feeling insecure because of her weight loss. There are men that genuinely like "big girls", and not just because she should supposedly be insecure with her size or have less dating options. I worked with a guy once, and he truly just loved really big women lol. Everybody is attracted to something. IMO Jennifer Hudson looks like she's lost plenty of weight and shouldn't loose more, but that's not my choice. If the problem is her being obsessive about it, I can understand that being annoying.
Now I personally have seen the sabotage in action with a couple friends. There's been times in the past when I was trying to curb some cravings and lose some weight, then I'd have a friend encouraging me to do the opposite. My couple of close friends aren't skinny, but I guess you don't want to be left behind if you see other people around you making progress.
Ok, Star Jones. You want to see "black love" on tv? Well I'm watching yesterday's episode of Dr. Phil - a black couple and the dude has cheated on his wife with dozens of women. Apparently her cooking, cleaning, and literally putting the toothpaste on his damn toothbrush is just not enough, and his cheating is her fault. But at least they're both black, right? *rolls eyes*
1 year, 6 months ago on Why the Star Jones Twitter Fiasco Is the Death Knell of the NBAB Borg Collective
Her loose screws definitely fell out lol. It was just weird for me to actually deal with a person that would stoop so low and do some crazy shit in order to trap a man. When I confronted her about the whole situation she basically just asked me to sweep it under the rug and keep being her friend. How the hell would that have gone? And then she couldn't understand why I told her ass she was crazy lol. Considering what she'd done I think I was nice about it, and I told her it was a shame that she threw away what could've been a really good friendship for us and our kids. I told her that trying to use a man to fill whatever empty void in her life would never work, and she should've thought about that had she really wanted to have a friendship with me. I just cut her out of my life and moved on, and she's doing the same old crap as before.
1 year, 7 months ago on Hot Abercrombie Guy Tells of "Awkward" Interracial Dating Experience
@onthewaydown @greengirl7 @Browncow
Yeah, luckily things still worked out for me. I'm still happy in my relationship and I see she's dragged yet another new man into her sons life. I immediately cut ties after finding out what she had been doing. So I definitely learned a lesson in dealing with a crazy chick :)
"Jealous women really scare me. It's unbelievable the things some women will do when they are jealous."
Omg, YES. A former friend (WW) of mine is one of them. She is a single mother who desperately needs to have a man in her life always. When we were hanging out she had a "friend with benefits" that did not want a real relationship with her, but she was full of denial. He and I became buddies and she got jealous. BTW I was already in my current relationship and had no romantic interest in this "friend" of hers. Anyways she went to the ultimate crazy in my opinion - she "accidentally" forgot to take her birth control pills a few times and ended up getting pregnant by this guy. She really thought she would force him to be with her that way, but he made it clear he still wouldn't be, and she had an abortion. She had done the same with her ex-bf, but in that case, she pretended to pregnant by showing her ex the old positive test she had from her son, and then went off the pill to get pregnant on purpose. But then she was so afraid to tell her parents she decided to abort the baby without even telling her bf.
But to the point, she was mad at me because the guy she wanted liked me more than her, and so did another "friend" she slept around with. One day my bf let me on his facebook and forgot about some messages she had sent him. Basically she had said, "Oh there are things you don't know about Janna, you should come over to my place so I can tell you....but don't tell Janna because I don't want to lose her as a friend..." This girl saw me crying over my bf wondering why he was suddenly suspicious of me, and lied straight to my face and tried to comfort me, then days later I saw those messages. So it turns out she had been telling my bf that she found her friend at my place, and we didn't come to the door for 10 min, and so on...
In her case I really believe she thought she was so irresistible because she's white - her son's father is black, and besides two others, all of the guys she's been with are Hispanic. She saw me as her competition even though I already had someone I was happy with. Many times I've seen and heard jokes about how non-WM will still take a WW no matter what she looks like or how she is just because she's white, so a lot of WW do have it in their head that EVERYBODY wants them.
I remember reading this letter in the past week or two. While he is concerned about his kids "fitting in", this point is not really valid to me. He knew his wife was Asian, therefore their offspring would be biracial. They did not know that his wife was going to have problems with infertility. So now that they can consider donors it just seems really insensitive and ignorant to say he would prefer to have white children. Obviously that is something to consider BEFORE you marry someone. And why do your kids need to look like their cousins, neighbors, classmates, etc? Does he assume their "homogeneously white area" will forever stay that way, or that they will never move to another home? The US population is so diverse and the number of non-white people will only continue to grow. That's just my feeling on this topic. But of course we don't know how his wife feels. As someone pointed out, a lot of times Asian will be viewed as "white" - at least in comparison to other minorities, and I've seen this myself. Many times I've seen Asian people that do hold white people up on a pedestal, and his wife could be one of them too.
1 year, 7 months ago on Black, White, Other, DBR IS DBR IS DBR (Damaged Beyond Repair)
It doesn't matter how you dress. There's been times I've looked a mess and some fool was still trying to talk to me. Guys know the majority of the time they will strike out, so they just hit on every-damn-body, in any situation, waiting for the one who will accept their crap. The thing is, if they knew how to be respectful in the first place they'd have better luck.
1 year, 7 months ago on Fighting Back Against Street Harassment (part two)
It is sad, because you really can't take the physical risk. Too many times I've seen freaking videos of women being attacked with unhelpful bystanders. There's always been a problem with bystanders not coming to anyone's defense, but these days people like to record all things horrible to share on the internet. Drives me crazy.
I enjoyed your last post, I 'm happy to see you have several more coming our way. I'm gonna have to get this book! Only in these past few months I came across MHP, and I love her.
It is unfortunate that people will assume this stereotype to be true of all black women, even when all evidence to the contrary is right in their faces. I've had that feeling before too, like someone thinks they can step up to me any old way, and talk to me however, as if they thought I would be fast and easy. In school I was usually quiet, the shy/nice girl, and focused on school - I had no interest in boys at all. It didn't happen to me in school, but receiving unwanted attention from creepy men just turned me off to them all completely. I was at a shoe store with my mom and nephew once and I was off somewhere by myself, trying things on, when some BM that was definitely too old for me came out of nowhere trying to talk to me and offered to buy my shoes. WTF? I just remember feeling so uncomfortable... I feel like a lot of black women have experienced something similar - a disrespectful approach by a man who thinks he can "buy" you like a prostitute.
1 year, 7 months ago on Commentary on the Crooked Room: Melissa Harris-Perry Reveals the Jezebel in All Her Glory
IKR! Lol I have opinions on this issue, but I'm not gonna give myself the stress today of even jumping into debate. I guess I'll just say only focusing on raising taxes on the rich and cutting certain types of welfare does not really dig into the issues that is causing this growing inequality.
1 year, 7 months ago on Opinion: Can Americans Really Afford 4 More Years of Entitlements? Former Liberal Says Loyalties of the Poor are Misguided
1 year, 8 months ago on Does the Right Hate Susan Rice Because She is Black?
Amen! It's so true that people are looking to hear some excuse about what BM lack, instead of what drew you to the individual person you're with. I'm with my bf because of who he is, not because of who he is not. Guess that's why so many BM get their feelings hurt seeing a BW with any other race of men lol.
1 year, 8 months ago on Eve Finds Her "Adam" in an Unexpected Package Worth a 'Maximillion'
OMG...I wish anyone in my family would try to talk me out of being with someone because of their race. That shit would be shut down quick. My family has been full of IRR (mostly black/white) so luckily that hasn't been an issue :)
But I did have a cousin telling me how hispanic people don't like black people...I was thinking "Are we in prison or something?" Lol it's not that serious. I've never seen big problems where we live so I don't know why she was that concerned. Even if that was true, I'm just with one person, not the whole group.
I HATE that disclaimer! Like, why do you need to proclaim your "love" of ANY man that is not your own? Happy I've never felt the need to explain my romantic choices to anyone.
Before seeing this, I didn't know anything about Eve dating anybody. If they're happy I hope they stay together and ignore the ignorance/hate.
I don't understand why they are suggesting to just give prescriptions for it just in case, but if it came down to the fact that my daughter ended up having sex and didn't use protection or it failed, I'd want her to take Plan B. I know I took it one time just because of paranoia - I don't remember if I suffered any bad side effects.
I definitely want to teach my kids to be safe and encourage waiting. I was not sexually active as a teen, not even really into boys...lucky for my parents because they sure as hell NEVER EVER said a single word to me about sex when I was growing up. Literally. Not one word about it. I know that can be due to how they were raised, but that's just inexcusable to me. I guess they were 100% sure I was not dealing with boys. They were right, but I will NOT be working with that assumption with my daughter. I know I won't be condoning that my kid has sex as a teen, but I'm realistic so she will definitely be educated. If it comes down to her needing Plan B, condoms, whatever - I want her to have it, because I cannot even think about having a pregnant teen or being a grandma before I even hit 40 lol.
And unfortunately I have to agree with Law's statement. As much as I hate that so many men want to be sperm donors and nothing else, there is nothing to keep them from running away. They have the luck of not having their bodies locked up to grow a child. So women can't rely on anybody else to protect them or their bodies.
1 year, 8 months ago on Would You Give 'Plan B' To Your Daughter?
Yeah, I think people are making a stretch with those accusations. She's not dark-skinned to begin with, and after you factor in make-up, lighting, cameras, etc you can't really make an accurate judgment of that. But I definitely get why the author used Beyonce as an example.
1 year, 8 months ago on Commentary on the Crooked Room: Melissa Harris-Perry Shines a Light On How Perception Affects Black Women
Do what makes you happy! It can be hard, but ignore the negativity. EVERY TIME my grandma sees my hair so wants to ask me when I'm gonna straighten it. She doesn't like that I chop off several inches at a time. She told me I was gonna mess my hair up...frustrating! I don't know why some people feel the need to comment on someone's appearance in front of every damn body, with no regard to that person's feelings or possible embarrassment they may cause.
1 year, 8 months ago on Truth Time: Anyone Disappointed In Their Natural Hair Journey? Five Hard Lessons I've Learned.
I have been relaxer-free since about April, and it is frustrating! My problem is that I have not devoted the time to figure out what my hair needs. My hair is pretty strong and always handled relaxers well, but I just wanted to discover my natural hair. My hair has always been thick, but with no help from a relaxer...sigh. I just wish my hair could do itself because as much as I would love to play around and style it up, I'm just lazy lol. I'm still trying to figure out which products I should use and what my routine should be.
Thanks for your response because reading the first post on this issue, I decided to not even bother with the comments. Nobody should ever be blamed for their SO's cheating. If your spouse is emotionally distant, or physically let themselves go, or whatever reason people cite for cheating, you still have no reason to cheat. You should be an adult and address your issues, and if they can't be resolved then you can end your relationship BEFORE starting another. I hate that people want to talk about this woman's looks and not be surprised he cheated. That is so insulting and unfair to her, and to any other person that's been cheated on.
And I hate when people talk about others' looks in general because beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, and my opinions about someone else don't matter.
1 year, 8 months ago on Thoughtful Response to Last Week's Holly Patraeus Post
Well damn. Now I see what Christelyn was talking about in her other post - people are being pretty judgmental to this couple. Obviously everybody has their opinions, but nobody was asking for a jury on whether or not they should be together. Even pointing out the difference in height and suggesting this girl is "settling." Come on. My bf is a short Mexican guy and I prefer to wear flat shoes so I don't feel like a giant with him...does that mean I love him any less or that I'm settling? When it comes to me choosing a guy 'height' is not on my list of standards, who he is comes before ALL things. And the number of years before meeting parents or family - that's their choice as a couple or that was her choice to put up with it. A language barrier can be a legit excuse (although that can't be used forever) - people can feel uncomfortable when they can't understand everything being said and some people don't like playing permanent translator. That is partially my case, and the other part is that my parents have never been included in my romantic relationships - serious or casual. Because of my relationship with my parents not being super close, their opinions of who I've dated never mattered, but others may feel a lot of pressure about who they date.
I think people are trying to dissect this entire relationship from these two small posts and that can't be done because we don't know these individuals. Trying to say this girl is settling just because she has an IRR is unfair. If you are in a serious relationship you are probably more willing to deal with the ups AND downs because you realize relationships are not perfect in every aspect. Point is we can't judge them based on a few pics and comments, we don't know them personally or how they function together.
1 year, 8 months ago on Blasian Fusion Couple: Andie and Ken (Part 2) – Meet the Parents
Good post. I can only imagine the frustrations of teaching kids. I'm sure it would be easy to find plenty of black people that would be upset about what you said, but it's true. I've said before I've really only seen black kids harass other kids that actually want to learn. I used to get teased a bit in elementary school because I was a very good student, and only by black . Unfortunately there are black kids that grow up learning to shun education because they would be "acting white" if they didn't. So many kids are way too concerned with looking cool, but unfortunately that catches up with you - it's not so cool to be held back a grade or not graduate.
1 year, 8 months ago on These Damn Kids: A Short Story about Almost-Wasted Potential
I haven't heard any fuss over this movie, granted I don't keep up with this sort of news. I guess some black women that are devoted to black men could have their feelings hurt, but really? C'mon, that's just silly, it's a movie.
And from looking at the synopsis: I can understand in general if people don't appreciate the female characters presented, but I don't have the energy or desire to racially analyze every freaking thing. I'm not saying they aren't valid points, I haven't seen the movie, but it's so tiring to always looks at everything that way. Like, can a movie be a movie? If some black women are really gonna be salty that Denzel kisses a white woman or she sets him on the right track, etc., then they don't have spend money to see it.
1 year, 8 months ago on While Promoting 'Flight,' the REAL Reason Denzel Washington Avoided On-Screen Romances With White Women Is Revealed
I feel your pain! Lol ;)
I should have done counseling the first time I struggled in school, but I kept it to myself like I usually do. Even now, my relationship with my dad is awkward - apparently I feel some resentment when it comes to my parents. He recently asked me what I'm trying to do with my life, which I found to be insulting. At this point I haven't completed a degree and my sister has, and I feel like that is what he is judging my success in life on. But I feel like that's comparing apples and oranges because I have a kid now and did not have all the help my sister had. So he doesn't it get that when it comes to finishing school and pursuing some kind of professional career, that will have to be done on my time and my terms. I feel like I started out on a bad foot school-wise because I chose not to follow my true interest in an attempt to somewhat please my dad. I would just like him to respect that I know I have not done things perfectly, but I'm trying to do the best I can, and raise a happy and healthy little girl.
So your dad is probably like mine. Even though he goes about it all wrong, he wants what's best for me. I guess I just hurt his feelings because I chose not to do it his way.
1 year, 9 months ago on Black Femininity: Who Decides What?
It is normal for kids to explore their bodies, it's normal for adults to respond incorrectly and freak out. If kids are doing this alone, or maybe even play "show and tell," that could be normal. My daughter loves getting out of clothes, and still doesn not understand why we don't need to see her little panties in public. But if these kids are doing something like taking their pants off and straddling someone, I would say they've definitely seen other people doing that. I think either way, the important thing is to engage the child calmly and not freak out since they do learn quickly what not to do in front of your face. I wouldn't want them to get scared and resort to being sneaky and still doing the same behavior.
1 year, 9 months ago on How Blackistan Deals with 'Fast Girls'
And I just remembered how my friend always wants to talk about my daughter's butt. She says she has a "donk" which is so beyond ridiculous - my daughter is 3! My daughter is the correct size for her age, but my friend's son has always been too skinny. I don't understand trying to equate the shape of a toddler to woman's shape.
I HATE that. Why do people feel the need to comment out loud about someone's body? And in this way it's so hypocritical - praise the fact that the girl's body is developing into that of a woman's, but don't let some boy/man show some interest because then it's the fault of her "fast behind." Especially with the older people in my family, they feel the need to comment on your appearance, good or bad, no matter the situation or who is around. That made me very self-conscious as a kid because I always struggled with self-esteem issues due to weight.
I just wish more people had insight into the affects their words can have, especially on impressionable children. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but my cousin's husband is from the Bahamas, and even when my daughter was a baby he'd call her 'sexy lady' or 'sexy mama.' WHY? I don't have any feelings that he's a predator (either way, I won't be leaving my kid around him), but why even say that? I think he sees things in a very gender-stereotypical way - like he'd freak out if he saw his son pushing my daughter's baby stroller or playing with her "girly toys" - and he likes to point out that my daughter is 'pretty' and his son is his 'strong guy.'
I am not setting my daughter up to think her only value in life will be based on superficial values, such as sexiness or physical beauty. That's why I make sure to praise her on other things besides her cuteness.
They always want to say "black women are so angry..." And you're right, they want to play dumb about it too. Like would you not be angry if you were left to raise kids alone, be expected to constantly support grown ass men no matter the cost to you, and be subjected to all kinds of abuse and harassment?? And then for the men that you are usually defending, to be your main attackers?
1 year, 9 months ago on Time To Stop Denying The Jihad Against Black Women & Girls: Most Black Women Killed By...You Guess.
Omg, I saw that video yesterday on another site and the comments were despicable of course. Apparently that's the way us black bitches should be handled so we learn to stay in our place. Some fool even said that wouldn't have happened if she had acted like a lady.
Again, black women are held to some higher standard than the men. So with this logic, the environment that creates these ignorant 'niggas' can at the same time produce well-behaved, young ladies...that makes perfect sense *sarcasm*
Then I saw the usual - "well she shouldn't have been talking like she was a 6ft 300 lb dude" or, "he was wrong for doing that, but she was wrong too..."
I will never question again some of the negative behaviors I see from black women who live this reality. If you can't expect to make it through the day without suffering some kind of harassment, why wouldn't you be loud or aggressive, or defensive, or angry? It's a way to put up some barrier to try and prevent being hurt.
Again, there is some notion of not "airing dirty laundry" especially when white people will hear it... I don't remember who said this or what the situation was, but this is 'Saving your face instead of saving your ass.' To spare black people (men) of public shame and embarrassment because they're already at the bottom, let's just sit back and continue to let our children suffer at the hands of predators. But at the same time let's scratch our heads in confusion as to why there is so much dysfunction in the "BC"
@The Working Home Keeper @DUsher @Christelyn
These poor kids that have parents that won't stand up for them. Can you imagine what a kid would feel about themselves and think of their self-worth when mom and dad aren't willing to call the police when they've been sexually violated, but they WILL report the man for using a damn work van?! That is beyond f**ked up.
That's good, but we should point out also that a lot of sexual abuse comes from the people that you actually do know. It's easier to get your grips on people that trust you.