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I love soaps but had never really watched B&B until I saw the commercials for Rick and Maya.  I really tried to pull for them, but Rick is such a LOSER!!!  I mean, really, he just can't resist Caroline?  Give me a break!  It's clear that they are going to make Maya and Carter get together and be happy -- just like they were when they (the actors) were on Guiding Light together. 

 

Man, do I miss John and Evangeline from One Life to Live!  The absolute best WM/BW romance in the history of daytime television! 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fs_fdAJ5fEo

 

 

1 year, 1 month ago on Soaps: Interesting Interracial Love Triangle on The Bold & The Beautiful

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 @itsgoodtobeme Oh, how I absolutely loved watching "John and Evangeline" on One Life to Live!  The actors (Michael Easton and Renee Goldsberry) had great chemistry and looked so good together.  So believable, and those love scenes were pure fire!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpv3BnRVFvI&list=PL5941B700AE911230&index=123 

 

Don Diamont is on "The Bold and the Beautiful" now.  He's not playing "Brad" but he's still on there almost daily.  I used to think he was so cute when he started out on Y&R as the Abbott's pool boy! 

1 year, 2 months ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part 11 - The “three finger, three second” relationships rule

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 @THE D Donnie does look really good!  Actually, all of the New Kids do!  They really took good care of themselves. 

1 year, 2 months ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part 11 - The “three finger, three second” relationships rule

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How fun!  It's sooooooo hard to only choose three!  But here goes...

 

1)  Michael Easton (Daytime Soap Opera Actor, currently on "General Hospital")  --  This man is SOOOOO freakin' gorgeous!  He has the most amazingly brilliant blue eyes I've ever seen!  Yeah, he's my all-time forever and a day favorite.  Yep -- All day, everyday!  And I don't even particularly care for tattoos, but I sure do care for his! 

 

http://i2.listal.com/image/3705567/600full-michael-easton.jpg

 

 

2)  Keanu Reeves -- Just love him! 

 

 

3)  Taylor Kitsch -- I like literally just discovered him today because I watched "Friday Night Lights" for the first time ever!  What a great show!  Why didn't anyone tell me about this show before?  It's so much deeper than I assumed it would be.  This dude is gorgeous! 

 

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7fzgfySxT1rbflcmo1_500.png

 

1 year, 2 months ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part 11 - The “three finger, three second” relationships rule

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What gets me is that Black men can say the exact same "fetish" type language to a black woman, and the black woman will think the black guy is "spitting GREAT game."  The white guy can say the EXACT SAME THING and the black girl now says he's got a "fetish" and he can't be trusted. 

 

Someone, anyone, please, please, PLEASE show the woman (of any color!) who doesn't want whatever man she's interested in to think (and tell her!) that she's the hottest of them all?  As I stated in a previous post, EVERY WOMAN wants her man to think she's hot, hot, hot!  I'm just really confused here.  So a black man can compliment your hair, your skin, your butt, the way you dance, etc. and it's all good.  But the white man shouldn't do that because he's got a fetish for you.  Okay, so what should he say? 

 

"Oh wow, I really appreciate the way you read the menu at the restaurant!  I won't compliment you on your brown eyes though because I don't want you to get the wrong idea."    REALLY???

 

A lot of these black women really need to get it together.  I'm sure many of these women shouldn't even entertain the thought of interracial dating anyway.  If you can't or refuse to properly vet a potential mate, then you might want to stay away from dating anyone -- period. 

 

It seems that so many black women don't have confidence in themselves.  If you think every white guy you meet has a fetish, then that's a serious problem. 

1 year, 2 months ago on <em>ORIGINAL POST with restored comment thread ~ Black women and porn can be discussed here</em><br /> -- <br />The Exotic Okey Doke: How Black Women Got Tricked Out Of Sexy

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@Brooklyn Blue Bird, 

 

Yes, many people speak incorrectly; however, that doesn't make it right.  Right is right, and wrong is wrong.  Just because "everyone" does it, does that make it okay?  And yeah, there are subtitles used for "Honey Boo Boo Child," too.  Does that mean that we should all be okay with that because "hardly anyone speaks proper English?"

 

As I stated earlier, what good is education if you don't use it?  Why even have one if you are going to act the way you did before you had it?  If you know better, shouldn't you act better? 

 

As for GWB -- really?  I think most people around the world can agree that he didn't speak well -- period.  He was basically an embarrassment to the Presidency.  And just because people make up words, the words just don't become "real" words.   Teresa Guidice on "Real Housewives of New Jersey" says "ingredientses" on a regular basis.  The word is "ingredients."  Just because she (or anyone else) says it's a word, doesn't automatically make it so.  GWB said "nukeular" instead of "nuclear" -- sorry, that's just WRONG! 

 

And as many of us should know, black women are judged differently.  People already don't expect black people to be educated.  Please believe that if President Obama spoke the way President GWB did, Obama wouldn't be President.  If Oprah Winfrey spoke like Beyonce or Jennifer Hudson, she wouldn't be a billionaire with a talk show on the air for 25 years and now her OWN Network.

 

Bottom line:  Speech and diction matter.  There's no getting around that.  And yes, it matters even more for black people when many other people don't expect much from you anyway.  That has nothing to do with "you're messing it up for me" --  That's just the truth. 

1 year, 3 months ago on Don't Be a Rachel Jeantel

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 @BlackWomenDeserveBetter Thank you!  I honestly love what I do, whether it's working with students, or individuals, or corporate groups.  With my students, so often no one has told them that they aren't speaking correctly.  My question always is, "What good is your degree if you can't sell yourself in a job interview?"  You must be able to present yourself accordingly and so much of that is based on how well you are able to speak.   

1 year, 3 months ago on Don't Be a Rachel Jeantel

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As a speech communication professor and public speaking consultant, I can tell you that speaking proper English is a real problem in the black community.  Unfortunately, there is this attitude/thought process that "speaking right" means "speaking white."  The majority of my black students really try to avoid speaking properly because they are of the mindset of "I ain't changin' fo' nobody!"  In my public speaking course, I spend an entire class period going over common words that people (i.e. black people) regularly say incorrectly or just simply make up words that don't exist:

 

axe -- ask

troof -- truth

brehfiss -- breakfast

libary -- library

tooken (not a real word)  -- taken

conversate (not a real word)  -- converse

irregardless (not a real word) -- regardless

pronunciate (not a real word) -- pronounce or enunciate

 

Honestly, the list goes on and on.  So often, when I give that lecture, my white students laugh because they know those words are wrong.  The black students look upset, as though I've just betrayed them, like I'm calling them out and I should understand that "that's just the way it is."  I don't let that stuff slide in my classroom.  As an educator, my job is to educate.  There's no way you're going to leave my classroom at the end of the semester still believing that "conversate" is a word because everyone in your house, 'hood, and favorite rappers/singers say it regularly.  You may choose to still use it, but you can't say that you didn't know that you were now choosing to speaking incorrectly.

 

And furthermore, those simple attitudes are reinforced in the media.  So many celebrities don't speak correctly.  As lovely as both Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson are, they both are in serious need of proper speech and diction training.  I bring them up because they are both so popular and there are so many young black women who look up to them, hear the way they speak, and think, "well, they sound like me so there's nothing wrong with the way I speak," and that's not the case.  I know Beyonce has mentioned that she wants to do more acting.  I'm sure she'd get many more roles and opportunities if she had proper speech training.      

1 year, 3 months ago on Don't Be a Rachel Jeantel

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 @mzsunshine I wholeheartedly agree.  It is just shameful the way black people can make another group of black people feel about skin color which is something that you can't control. 

 

Black people, as a whole, have a huge inferiority complex.  The whole lighter vs. darker issue is just another way for blacks to separate themselves amongst themselves in an attempt to feel better about themselves.  Think about all of the "flavorful" ways blacks use to describe each other:  caramel, mocha, dark mocha, chocolate, dark chocolate, peanut butter, cafe' au lait, butter pecan, honey, cinnamon, toffee, etc.  Is all of that ever necessary?  No, it's not, but black people like the idea of separating out the "lights" from the "darks."  So, if you describe yourself as "caramel" well that's a step above "mocha," yet the person who is "cafe au lait" is still the better looking person because they are lighter than both.  It's all a form of self-hate.  

 

But what gets me is that all of this colorism continues with black people (done to black people by black people), yet black people want to talk about how much they don't like or don't trust white people.  Really?  White people are the problem?  Give me a break! 

1 year, 3 months ago on Dark Girls Documentary Hits Home For Some

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 @KendraTaylor Why thank you!  LOL!!!  Believe it or not, I've actually had a few people tell me that before.  Maybe that's something I should really consider... hmmm....  :)

 

1 year, 3 months ago on Dark Girls Documentary Hits Home For Some

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I still haven't finished watching the documentary yet, but I do plan to complete it soon.  It's all just so sad for so many browner skinned black women.  While watching though, I couldn't help but realize how fortunate I was growing up.  I am very much brown skinned (I don't even call myself or others "dark" because "dark" has such a negative connotation), but I clearly didn't get the memo that I wasn't supposed to be attractive or cute because I had brown skin.  Much of that had to do with my parents, but I think even more of it had to do with the environment I grew up in.  Fortunately, I grew up around mostly white people.  Fortunately, I grew up in a middle-class home, middle-class schools, middle-class environment in picturesque Midwest suburbia.  My dad worked in corporate managerial positions, and my mother was always a stay-at-home mom.  Other people literally referred to us as "The Huxtables" which I always found to be humorous, but I kind of understood what they meant.  For many people in my environment, "The Huxtables" were the only black family they knew of that weren't in the inner-city.  And since my family was literally for some the only black family they knew, we were often referred to as "The Huxtables."

 

So, all of that to say that while I was fortunate enough to avoid the whole "light-skin/dark-skin" issue, I definitely, without a doubt was always cognizant of the fact that I was not white.  I was made aware of that DAILY on the school bus, in class, at lunch, after school, etc.  That's not to say that everyone was bad or rude, but many white people clearly let me know that they weren't happy with blacks living in a "fancy" house, going to "their" schools in "their" neighborhood.  In elementary school, I routinely had classmates' parents ask what exactly my father's profession was.  I remember in the 5th grade, I was friends with a girl and when she had her birthday slumber party she told me that I wasn't invited because her mother wouldn't allow any "colored people" in her home.  That was in the mid-'80s and that was the very first time I'd heard the term colored.  In junior high, I was routinely the only black person in my classes.  I heard racist comments regularly.  

 

High school in the early 1990s was bit better because there were a few more black people moving into the area.  However, the numbers were still so small that we ultimately all tried to stick together.  There was no mention of "lighter vs. darker" because we were just so happy to have at least one other black person the classroom with us.  I was on the pom squad when I was in high school and that was major because it was a known fact that "black girls" didn't make the squad no matter how good of a dancer they were.  Out of 28 girls on the squad, only three were black -- and we were so happy to have each other!  

 

But I must say that as much as I hated being the only black kid in my classes, I am so glad that I had to deal with that instead of having to deal with believing that I wasn't cute because I was brown-skinned.  That would have been so damaging, and I'm sure I would have some real issues to deal with and overcome like many of the ladies in the documentary.         

1 year, 3 months ago on Dark Girls Documentary Hits Home For Some

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BWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Oh my goodness!  This was entirely TOO funny!  I almost peed my pants laughing so hard!  Please tell me that this lady had enough common sense to run in the opposite direction after she read this!

1 year, 4 months ago on Online Dating Hell...as Told By Dani

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This so-called opinion piece is CLEARLY a joke, right?  No SANE person really believes this "info" to be true, right?  C'mon, "mystery author person"  ~  Surely, you jest!  Surely, you do!

1 year, 4 months ago on Opinion: Is Being Beautiful Keeping You Single?*

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I think a major problem with weight is that people don't want to admit the truth, and unfortunately, much of the truth is gender based.  For the most part, a man simply won't get with a woman he's not physically attracted to.  It doesn't matter how smart, funny, or successful she is.  If he doesn't want to have sex with her, he won't even entertain the thought of possibly dating her.  Many women seem to be the complete opposite of that.  If a guy is smart, funny, or successful, women will entertain the idea of having sex with him because he has then become more physically attractive.  So, yes, he could be overweight and sex wouldn't be out of the question for many women. 

 

It appears to me that women want men to think and behave like women in that regard.  Overweight women want the same shot at "attractive fit" men even though the women themselves aren't fit.  The women hope that their smarts, humor, and success will trump their lack of physical fitness.  Some don't see that as a problem, but I do.  

 

I've asked this question to several of my friends whenever we talk about relationships:  Why is it that some women think it's perfectly okay to get with a guy that you're not 100% physically attracted to, yet women don't want the same done to them?  Every woman wants to be the cat's meow in their man's eyes.  What woman wants a man who says, "Babe, you know what?  I'm really with you because you're so funny and smart.  It's NOT because you're so physically attractive and fit."  EVERY WOMAN wants their man to think that they are completely HOT!!  You want him to think you're the bomb both mentally AND physically. 

 

So ultimately, women hurt themselves by getting with men that they aren't physically attracted to, and then expect men to basically do the same thing -- except that men don't do the same thing and women end up getting their feelings hurt.  Women accuse men of being shallow, so women try not to be shallow.  But women end up not getting what they really want and then end up unhappy.

 

I have a perfect example.  A friend of mine married a guy.  They have kids, and he is a great guy.  He has a great job, provides everything for her and the kids.  She was a stay-at-home mom living in a beautiful home.  The only problem???  She admitted to me that she was never, ever physically attracted to him -- EVER!  She said she married him because she knew he was a great man, would be a great father, and he made her feel safe.  She said even though she knew she wasn't physically attracted to him, she hoped it would change over time.  It never did and guess what?  Her husband figured it out.  After 13 years of marriage, and three kids together, they divorced.  She admitted that the main reason for the divorce was because she just wasn't attracted to him and after 13 years, she finally realized that she never would be.  He figured it out and couldn't stand the fact that his wife wasn't wholeheartedly physically attracted to him.  He thought she was beautiful, smart, funny, and a great mother.  She said it wasn't that she thought her husband was ugly; he just wasn't her type.  When she said all of this to me, my question to her was how would you feel if your husband said he married you but was never attracted to you?  He just thought you'd be a good wife and mother, but no one who he wanted to sleep with yet he married you anyway.  Women would be straight CRUSHED if a man said that to them, so I don't know why some women think it's okay to do that to men as if it's a better situation.  

 

Bottom line:  You MUST be okay with yourself physically, and you must be okay with your mate physically.  You wouldn't want someone trying to change you into what they think you should be nor would you want someone to just "settle" for you the way you are because they couldn't get what they wanted in the first place.   

1 year, 4 months ago on Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way: BB&amp;W Is NOT Just a Swirling Club.

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Chris, like you, I am SUCH an unapologetic soap fan.  Soap operas are my only "Must See TV."  I was quite sad to hear about "Mrs. Chancellor" passing away.  I've been watching soaps since I was three years old, and Y&R was the first soap I watched.  I've watched Y&R on and off over the years, but I always took comfort in the fact that so many of the "staples" were always there -- Nikki, Victor, Jill, Jack, and Mrs. C.  It just won't be the same without her. 

1 year, 5 months ago on Death of a Legend: Soap Goddess, Jeanne Cooper Died This Week!

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 @Christelyn   @BWWOB I definitely think you are right about meeting the family sooner, Chris.  Honestly, as things currently seem for several of these Asian Men/Black Women relationships, it looks like a lose/lose situation unless you have an Asian man that is willing to stand up to his parents.  I'm sure that is seen as being more "Americanized," but it appears to be necessary if you're going to have a successful AM/BW relationship.  If the Black woman decides to acquiesce to everything, is that really the life she wants for herself or is she just hoping that things will eventually change?  I think much of the responsibility for the success of the relationship lies with the Asian man.  Obviously, he knows how his parents will feel about him being seriously involved with a black women.  He has to decide if she's worth it to him.  Also, black women must decide if not being accepted (maybe ever!) is okay, too. 

 

I also just want to say that I'm not so sure that it's fair that the black woman is the one who's expected to willingly acquiesce to the Asian culture.  I think it's one thing if you meet in Asia and you are living over there.  But if you meet here in the States, and you plan on living in the States, then it's only fair that the Black woman would expect that parts of her American culture would be adapted to as well. 

1 year, 5 months ago on Asian Mothers are CRAY!! Second Story I've Heard of Moms Threatening Suicide Over Black Girlfriends!

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I think this is quite interesting.  I am such a firm believer in that you teach people how to treat you.  Everyone has to decide what they will and won't put up with, and what behavior they feel is either acceptable or unacceptable.  Regardless of race or culture, when I'm dating someone, I expect to be treated with a certain level of respect.  If I'm not, I take issue with that.  I remember dating a guy (black) who was such a Mama's Boy.  That was my first and last time doing that.  It was so ridiculous.  He was consulting with his mother on so many things within our relationship.  I refused to be a part of that.  And his mother didn't like the fact that I wasn't a pushover, going along to get-a-long like his last girlfriend.  Obviously, the relationship didn't last because he chose to listen to his mother. 

 

Anyway, all of this to say that you must know your worth and so must any man that you are serious with.  I wouldn't put up with MamaDrama Foolishness from any guy -- Black or White.  You have decide that you're worth more and that the man you want to be with is willing to stand up for you.  If he won't do it while you're dating, what makes you think it will change if you marry him?  Giving him and his family a pass just because they're Asian isn't going to win you any points.  As you can see, they certainly aren't interested in giving you any kind of a pass just because you're "one of the good black girls." 

1 year, 5 months ago on Asian Mothers are CRAY!! Second Story I've Heard of Moms Threatening Suicide Over Black Girlfriends!

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 @Jamila  @LemonCrush Honestly, Jamila, I think it's because more women don't require it because they simply don't want it.  I think most women actually look forward to changing their name to show that they've been chosen.  I think most women look forward to the man being the "head," just like most women actually prefer that their husband make more money than they themselves do. 

 

I think if more men said that they wanted to take their wife's name, women would have a BIG problem with that because that goes against "tradition," and, for the most part, women do like the tradition of taking the man's last name.  And, too, I think most men want their name to be passed down in some shape or fashion, thus the reason for "Junior, II, III, IV, V," etc.  And women like that, too.  Women like giving their son's some part of their husband's name.  

 

And, too, for the most part, men do the "choosing."  Men are the one's who propose, who decide when they're ready to take on a wife, when they're ready to start a family, when they're ready to settle down.  If a man hasn't decided he's ready to marry, then the lady will sit waiting to be "chosen."  Men are ultimately the ones who decide when or if the relationship will move forward in a marriage state.  Of course, the woman can reject him or leave, but it's he who decides to "put a ring on it."  So, basically, men don't opt to change their last name because they don't have to.   

1 year, 7 months ago on Do you plan to change your last name when you get married? If so, you might want to think a bit more about that choice.

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What an interesting discussion!  Ultimately, I think everyone should do what's right for them and right for their relationship.  I think it's great that we each have a choice!  I will say that I do believe that while many believe in the "tradition," I think that the tradition ultimately states that you have been "chosen."  You've been "chosen" by your husband, and now to show that you've been "chosen," you as the wife will change your name for the world to see.  It's really the same as wearing an engagement ring or a wedding ring -- the ring shows that you've been "chosen." 

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with being "chosen" because in all honesty, don't most people want to be "chosen?"  You want to be the first choice and the only choice for your spouse.  So, I don't think there's really anything "wrong" with the tradition if that is what both you and your spouse want.

 

When I get married, I do plan on hyphenating my name.  It's something I've always planned on doing for a couple of reasons -- 1) I really, really like my name!  It's unique and I think it says so much about me.  2) I like what the hyphenation would mean to me -- that I've lived a life before him that I'm quite proud of, and, now that I'm married to him, I'm proud to merge our lives together.

 

I would take issue with a man who had a problem with hyphenation or simply wanted me to take his name and drop mine altogether.  For me, that's non-negotiable.  Just as I'm sure his name means a lot to him, my name means a lot to me, too, and to expect me to just drop my name for the sake of him and his wishes doesn't really sit well.  If anything, I think he should be quite receptive and respectful of my wishes as I'd be the one making the change.  And that's why I'm such a big believer in courtship!  So many of these things can be fleshed out through proper courting!    

 

1 year, 7 months ago on Do you plan to change your last name when you get married? If so, you might want to think a bit more about that choice.

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I absolutely LOVE daytime soaps!  They are the only shows I make it a point to watch -- just about all other television shows are expendable as far as I'm concerned!  And YES, the guys are gorgeous!  Some of the best eye candy out there and I'm able to partake daily!  LOL!

 

General Hospital is my favorite soap BUT that is by default because One Life to Live got cancelled.  So, I mainly watch GH for the OLTL transplants.  I'm actually glad that "Jason" left Port Charles and moved west to Genoa City.  It's nice to know that GH will no longer be "The Sonny and Jason Mobster Show."  PLUS my favorite soap guy, "John McBain" (portrayed by the most gorgeous man EVER, Michael Easton) will hopefully get a more prominent role on GH now.  I tell you, that man's blue eyes are simply breathtaking!

 

But I will say this, that Joshua Morrow is something FINE!  He's the best dressed man in daytime!  Along with Daniel Goddard ("Cane") and Billy Miller ("Billy"), the men in Genoa City really have it goin' on!

1 year, 8 months ago on YES! My Two Favorite Hunky Soap Stars Are Now On One Show!

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It would be a great thing to FINALLY have a black Bachelorette on ABC!  I just really hope that it's not a case of having the bachelorette be black, so by default, the majority of her suitors are black as well.  I'd hate for the black bachelorette to have 25 guys vying for her attention and affection with 20 of the guys being black, 2 white guys, 2 Hispanic guys, and one Asian guy.  If that's the case, then it will no doubt be known as the "Black People's Season of The Bachelorette." 

1 year, 9 months ago on Could Dr. Misee Harris Be The First Black Bachelorette?

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 @ASwirlGirl  @LemonCrush  @Blanc2 Exactly!  And that's my point!  I'm a proud Daddy's Girl as well.  It's basically understood that when a woman marries, her husband comes first.  It just boggles my mind that some men have such a problem putting their wives first.  I just find it to be unacceptable, but people decide what they will and won't put up with.  Most men aren't going to agree to being second to their father-in-law, yet women willingly "accept" that their mother-in-law will come first in their husband's life.  Like I say, you teach people how to treat you. 

1 year, 9 months ago on Asian Guy Gets Serious with His Black Girlfriend, Mom's Response Stuns Him.

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 @Blanc2 That is something that is commonly said regarding boys/men and their mothers.  What about if the girl/woman is close to her father?  What if the woman is a "Daddy's Girl?"  Should a man know better than to never come between a woman and her father?  Will the father always prevail? 

1 year, 9 months ago on Asian Guy Gets Serious with His Black Girlfriend, Mom's Response Stuns Him.

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 @MySmile  @Brice Cameron  @EvetteDionne  I have to disagree with the fact that black people would love to be stereotyped as shy and smart.  For all the talk that black people tend to do about the importance of education, that's all it is -- talk.  It's this whole thing of, "Sure, go to school, but don't forget where you came from.  Don't come home trying to tell Mama, Grandma, Uncle Jo Jo, Aunt Louise, Cousin Kenny, etc. what you learned, and how to act, and how to speak, etc.  And while you're at it, make sure you're out there dribbling that ball (if you're a boy) or still being cute (if you're a girl)." 

 

And as far as shy goes, I think many black people love being the life of the party.  I definitely think black women like the stereotype of the "no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is, sista-girl attitude."  Being a shy black person is not something that is looked upon positively in the black community. 

1 year, 9 months ago on The "White Guy Pass": Does It Exist?

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Does anyone else have a problem with the way that the rapper guy in the picture above is dressed?  I just find it to be quite problematic on him and the numerous others who choose to wear such ill-fitted clothing. 

1 year, 9 months ago on "All My Baby Mamas"...Well, What Do You Expect When You Try to Normalize Dysfunction??

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This guy is totally gorgeous!  Too, too bad he's not 10-15 years older!  LOL!!!  Christelyn, did he by chance mention anything about a single brother or uncle? LOL!!!

 

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm always amused when white women are confused by such silliness!  Honestly, if black women truly knew their worth, their high level of attraction, and their true value of self, we (as a whole) would be in a such a better position.  White men really are attracted to us as black women, and if black women really believed that and exercised their right to choose, it would be a different story. 

 

I work in academia, and I've seen it time and time again on campus, just in my own personal experience.  When I first began teaching, most of the white ladies in my office would at least say hello.  But once they noticed that our white male colleagues were paying attention to me, things INSTANTLY changed!  I'm talking years later and these women won't even part their lips to say hello!  They may give me a fake smile, and I give it right back to them.  I find it all a bit funny.  And it honestly doesn't bother me because the women I work directly with aren't a problem. 

 

I remember one time I was in the conference room with about four of my male colleagues.  We were all talking because we didn't have any students visit us during our office hours, and somehow we just ended up in the conference room.  Well, one of the white ladies walks by and sees that we're all laughing and having a good time.  The door was open and she decided to come in.  She says, "Wow, sounds like you guys are having a good time in here."  One of the guys says, "Yeah," and proceeded to keep talking to me.  The look on that chick's face was PRICELESS!!!  She literally was baffled because not one of they guys gave her any attention.  And she thought she was wearing a sexy dress, to boot!  There I was in a sweater and jeans and I had each of the guys' attention and she couldn't handle it.  And of course she just doesn't get it, because to her, I'm not what is considered "beautiful" -- meaning I have natural hair and I have brown skin.  But I have confidence and she nor any of the other white women there intimidate me.  She continues to be confused by that.  I also think that my professionalism, and the fact that I'm a size 4 confuses them as well.  After all, aren't all black women loud and obese???!!!!  Even though I'm a professor, I should still "keep it real," right?!   LOL!!! 

1 year, 9 months ago on Hot Abercrombie Guy Tells of "Awkward" Interracial Dating Experience

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 @ASwirlGirl  @LemonCrush Hi, SwirlGirl!  No, I'm not married interracially (as of yet!), nor are any of my colleagues.  Good luck with your study though!  What are you researching?

 

1 year, 11 months ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part IV: “The Appeal”

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 @introvertedwanderer  @LemonCrush   This is all so interesting to me because it seems that some people just don't want to admit the truth -- Stereotyping is unavoidable.  It will happen.  There's no way that everyone will be judged as an individual all the time.  It just isn't possible.  And it seems that the people who have a problem with EarthJeff's wording really just have a problem with the idea of stereotyping -- believing that stereotyping is wrong.  The truth of the matter is this -- stereotypes are typically stereotypes for reason.  There's usually a bit of truth in stereotypes.  Is it wrong that it's true, or is it wrong when it's not complementary, or it wrong simply because it doesn't apply to you as an individual?

 

Check it out ~ What if EarthJeff or any white guy came on this forum and said the following about why he liked black women:

 

Because they age gracefully

Because they are educated

Because they are great listeners

Because they have smooth, flawless skin

Because they are caring and thoughtful

 

Would it be an issue of black women taking offense, saying, "Well, I hate being stereotyped and put in a box because not ALL black women are thoughtful, nor are they educated.  Look at me -- I'm neither thoughtful NOR educated!"  Honestly, would black women come on here with replies like that?  I don't think so.  So, it seems to me, that this issue of being stereotyped is more about what is actually being said and not the actual "principle" of being stereotyped.

 

What if EarthJeff (or any white guy) would've come on here and said that he LOVED the following stereotypes about black women:

 

That they have many children out of wedlock

That they are loud and obnoxious

That they give their children the most "creative" names

That they will get you told in an instant

That they roll their necks and wag their finger

That they are strong black queens that don't need a man

 

Now, would people be FURIOUS at those stereotypes?  Absolutely!  But guess what?  There is a BUNCH of truth to those stereotypes just as there is truth in first set of stereotypes I listed as well.  There are stereotypes about both women and men of EVERY race.  And, as I said, most stereotypes are based in some kind of truth.  

 

 

 

1 year, 11 months ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part IV: “The Appeal”

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I've read many of these comments, and, I must say, that many of them have me baffled, but, albeit, not surprised.  It seems to me that some posters are really taking offense to what EarthJeff has said about his appreciation of black women as somehow being stereotypically racist or having stereotypically racist overtones.  The thing I wonder is this -- If EarthJeff were a black guy (so he's now a "brotha") telling black women on a forum that is specifically geared toward black women (so the "sistas") what he liked about them, both physically and mentally, would the "sistas" be upset with the "brothas," deeming their comments as "unnecessarily stereotypical?"  I'm just wondering because I'm guessing that wouldn't be the case.

 

Honestly, ladies, overall, black women do tend to have more round behinds.  Overall, black women do tend to have fuller lips.  Overall, black women do have versatile hair styles and our hair is overall different than other races of women -- to say the least!  I just don't see how when a white guy points these things out, he's now being stereotypical.  And, furthermore, on stereotypes -- we all stereotype at some point.  I lecture on this very topic (stereotypes) to my college students on a regular basis -- we all stereotype because, as human beings, we have a need to compartmentalize.  We want things to go in boxes because that's how we identify and make sense of things.  Stereotyping isn't a bad thing -- it's what you do and how you treat others according to the stereotype that gets people into trouble. 

1 year, 11 months ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part IV: “The Appeal”

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 @Christelyn   @LemonCrush LOL!!!  Yes, we do!!!  At least the word is out!!!  

2 years, 2 months ago on Ladies, It Looks Like We've Got Some Allies...!

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Looks like such an awesome time was had!  Is there any chance you can make room in your schedule to promote SWIRLING in St. Louis???

2 years, 2 months ago on Ladies, It Looks Like We've Got Some Allies...!

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 @ASwirlGirl Cute and funny videos!  I don't have any kiddos yet, but I'd totally have to be with a guy who was willing to let loose with our kids.  I'm always singing (WAY, WAY off key!) and dancing, so it would be extra special to have their dad be totally there in the moment with me -- with us, as a family! 

 

And yes, as far as karaoke goes, I'm totally willing to play "Rock Star Groupie!"  That's part of the package deal!  LOL!!  :)

2 years, 4 months ago on ASwirlGirl: An Ode to Cutesy and Corny

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You know, I never thought about sharing a pair of earrings, as the original "nameless poster" suggested above.  I don't know why, but that just never occurred to me.  And I actually kind of dig the idea behind it, too!  It totally brings to mind the ending of "The Breakfast Club" (my favorite movie of all time!) when Claire gives one of her diamond studded earrings to Bender so they'll always remember what they meant to each other that Saturday at detention.

 

There are quite a few "cutesy" things that I want to do with my guy whenever I meet him!  Here are just a few:

 

1)  I love to travel.  I love trains.  I love Canada.  One of the things I'd like to do with him is to travel coast to coast (East to West) across Canada by train.  I'd also like to drive across the USA from coast to coast as well.  I've driven (well more like "rode") from the Midwest to the west coast, and from the Midwest to the east coast, but I'd like to do the whole shebang from East to West.  

 

2)  I love music.  I love to sing.  I can't play an instrument nor can I a carry a tune to save my life!  However, I LOVE pretending that I'm a rock star!  Karaoke is one of my favorite things to do, and I'd really like to do that with him.  It doesn't matter if it's just the two of us together, with a group of friends, or with a group of total strangers, as long as we are up there together, having a total blast, that's my idea of a good time!

 

3)  I love to dance.  I took dance classes when I was younger, and danced all the way through college.  In fact, I currently take an adult jazz dance class two nights a week.  It's great that the class is for adults only because as a woman in her 30's, my kicks aren't quite as high as they used to be! LOL!  But anyway, I want to be able to dance with my guy.  He doesn't even have to be good at it -- just the fact that he wants to dance with me because he knows how much I love it... that's what I want.  You'd be surprised how many guys just flat out refuse to dance or sing karaoke -- at all, ever! LOL!  :)         

2 years, 4 months ago on ASwirlGirl: An Ode to Cutesy and Corny

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 @Christelyn I was soooooo bummed when they broke them up, too!  The actors had some great on-screen chemistry together.  Glad to hear that you'll be hunting him down, and I hope you're able to chat with him.  He's simply GORGEOUS!!!  :)

2 years, 4 months ago on Reserve While You Still Can: Grand Del Mar SWIRLING Event Booking Up Fast!

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This is all so awesome, Chris!  If you happen to get a break from "recruiting" at Comic-Con, maybe (hopefully!) you can snag a quick interview with actor/writer Michael Easton.  Not sure if you follow daytime soap operas or not (I absolutely LOVE them!), but Michael was on One Life to Live.  His character, John McBain, had a long, significant interracial romance with Evangeline Williamson (portrayed by Renee Goldsberry).  Just thought I'd put that out there since I loved that "supercouple" together on screen.  So why will Michael be at comic-con, you might ask?  He moonlights as a graphic novelist, though I'm not sure which day(s) he'll be there. 

2 years, 4 months ago on Reserve While You Still Can: Grand Del Mar SWIRLING Event Booking Up Fast!

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 @Veron I must say that I'm so impressed that you understand that at 37 and you being 25, you all are in two TOTALLY different worlds at this point.  Too often people try to play the "age is just a number " game.  While that's true as you age and mature, when you're younger (younger than 30 or so)  ten years between you and a mate is way too many years! So yes, if he seems like he's a good guy, pass him over to big sis!  I'm sure she'll appreciate it. 

 

I'm always suspicious of a guy who is in his late thirties/forties hitting on girls in their 20s.  Sure, he does it because he can, but what does that say about him?  Sounds like he's looking for some of that "hero worship" that he knows young, inexperienced 20-somethings will be so willing to give.  The women who are in his actual age range want you to be about something -- show and prove!  So these guys go for the 20 year-old girls because they know they don't have to do much -- it's easy!

2 years, 4 months ago on "You Been Hanging Around Those White People Too Long": When Black Kids Pick Up Bad Ideas

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See, this is the crap right here that bothers me about the black society at large!  I'm willing to bet that black people at large will blame Esquire for asking such "stupid" questions when they were supposed to be asking Rihanna about her music.  This is just disturbing on soooooooo many levels!

 

Black people want to act like there really wasn't any problem with what happened with Chris and Rihanna!  I've heard blacks, both young and older, who defended Chris!  Younger people said that she deserved it because she shouldn't have provoked him, while older people have stated that he should be given a second chance because everyone makes mistakes!  Okay, BULLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!  Chris is a CRIMINAL and should be locked up!!!!  I don't have any children but, I promise if I did, I'd throw out every last CD my kid had of Chris or Rihanna!  Their music, their image is just simply unacceptable!

 

And you better believe if that little Justin Bieber had beat the mess out of his girlfriend, Selena Gomez, his career would be OVER!!!!!!  DONE!!!!  FINISHED!!!!  White parents and the media would be straight up APPALLED and Justin wouldn't be able to show his face ever again.  But see, black people want to stand up for and defend Chris because "the brotha needs a break."  Are you kidding me?  And the black people want women to understand that you don't need to push a man's buttons because you don't know how he'll react. 

 

So, if the black people are able to forgive, look past, and absolutely EMBRACE Chris again, why should the white media find fault with him?  I personally believe that that is how the white media sees this.  Chris has been welcomed on "Dancing with the Stars," "Good Morning America," "The Today Show," etc.  And honestly, what does the white media and white community at large care about him beating up Rihanna for?  It's not like he beat up his WHITE girlfriend or anything, now is it? 

 

This is just a MESS all the way around, and unfortunately, black people will continue to support Chris, Rihanna, and the mass of other so-called singers/rappers/performers with DISGUSTING, DEGRADING, DESPICABLE lyrical content because "it's got a good beat and I like to dance to it." 

2 years, 4 months ago on Somebody Please Slap Rihanna...AGAIN...

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That was a great interview, Chris!  I don't listen to the TJMS show anymore, so I'm so glad you posted the interview here.  Question -- Were you able to help Jacquie Reid?  Just wondering because she was on an episode of the Anderson Cooper show (daytime show) and she seemed to be so against interracial dating.  Her reasoning didn't make much sense to me but I remember her saying she wanted to be with someone who knew what it meant to be "ashy."  Seriously, Jacquie?!!  I thought that was one of the DUMBEST reasons I'd ever heard of why a person wouldn't want to date interracially.  She just didn't appear to be the brightest bulb in the bunch after that comment. 

 

But, I'm so excited to hear that there's a possible movie deal that will accompany the book!  AWESOME!  And I'm glad to hear that you'll be executive producer as well.  Hopefully then the movie won't be a complete waste of time like that "Something New" crap.  "Something New" was a great idea but, unfortunately, executed poorly with so many loopholes and missing pieces of information.     

2 years, 5 months ago on In Case You Missed It: SWIRLING on the Tom Joyner Morning Show

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Thicke is soooooo doggone full of it!!! This is so not surprising coming from him. Let me start off by saying that I was such a fan of his work when he first came out about 10 years ago -- anyone remember his first single, "When I Get You Alone?" His look and sound were totally different. He was like a loose mix between The Beatles, Prince, and George Michael -- and I loved it! But then he came out with this "urban" sound that he's known for now and I was so disappointed. It just seems so... fabricated!!! I know people can have many sides, but this popular side of Thicke that is now becoming ever-present in the media is just ridiculous. All this talk about sex with his wife -- how uncouth! Who does that????!!!! If I were married, I'd be so pissed off if my husband said those things about me and what we do in the bedroom to some media outlet.

I also get the feeling that he really *thinks* that he's like some white genius that's come along to show white people how "cool" they could be. I saw him the other day on Hoda and Kathie Lee (Today Show) and he was just acting a little too sure of himself, a little too comfortable. His ego was outrageous, in my opinion. I'm sorry, dude, but in no way, shape, or form are you as "cool," or simply talented as true, authentic Blue-Eyed Soul singers as George Michael, Elton John, Phil Collins, Hall & Oates, Jamiroquai, Steve Winwood, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Michael McDonald, etc. I could go on! Thicke just bothers me...

2 years, 10 months ago on By Dr. Phoenyx Austin: It’s Easier to Find a Good Black Man Over a Good White One. Really?!?

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Okay, I think a lot of people may be assuming things here. I'm not sure of the details from the original poster, "L," but I think a few things need to be determined before people can so easily say what this girl should or shouldn't do. The original post just seems rather vague. I'm not sure if "L" has been back to comment or explain, but I do have a few questions for her:

1) How old are you? I think it makes a great deal of difference if you're 18 years old vs. being 35 years old, for example.

2) How long have you known this guy? Is this someone that you just met or have you known him for a significant amount of time?

3) You say you have a lot in common -- like what? Is it something as meaningless as your favorite color is blue and so is his? Or is it something a bit more meaningful like your philosophy on life?

4) I think this next question is an important one as far race is concerned -- You say you feel "invisible" whenever you're together. But the question is, how "visible" are you making yourself to him? I ask this because it seems like sometimes black women have a tendency to make it appear that they only like/date black men. Sometimes white men assume that anyway because of what mainly black society has told them over and over again. Think about it -- if you've only ever commented that you think guys like Denzel Washington, Shemar Moore, LL Cool J, Blair Underwood, Taye Diggs, Morris Chestnut, etc. are the finest thing around, then that may be part of the reason why you feel "invisible" around this dude.

5) How often do you all meet with your group of friends? Is there ever any time when you two are alone? If you two have so much in common, surely there's something you two can do without the group being an element.

6) You said he notices every white girl around. Really??? Is it truly every white girl or is it just some white girls? I ask because if he's noticing "every" white girl, or every girl regardless of color, is this guy just simply a wh0re? If that's the case, you're much better off just being friends. The last thing you want to do is ruin this friendship with what you want to be something meaningful, only for him to find out you're interested, sleep with you, and then never call you again. I mean, honestly, who wants to be with that kind of guy anyway?

In any event, good luck to you, "L." I hope things somehow work out for you.

2 years, 10 months ago on Question of the Week: Why Am I Invisible To Rainbeaus??

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@Nkosazana I wholeheartedly agree with this! It's really not so hard if you have a solid sense of self. My parents always told me that you show people how to treat you. There is MAJOR truth to that. If you show a man that you're open to this kind of talk before anything solid or meaningful is ever established, then your opening yourself up to a can of worms that you really didn't want opened in the first place. Furthermore, I think that many women do things that they think men want them to do, or behave in ways that they think men want them to, only to regret it later because that's not a true representation of themselves. It's sad really because maturity and experience should count for something, and a lot of times, unfortunately, it doesn't.

Ladies, there is nothing wrong with being old fashioned, getting courted, and being treated like a lady. If that's how you want to be treated, you must VET a man first to make sure he understands that that is how you DEMAND to be treated. Please understand that proper vetting typically doesn't happen in just a few emails, few instant messages, few text messages, or a few dates. Proper vetting takes good ol' fashioned TIME. If he can't handle that and respect your wishes at the same time, then he's not the one for you. And that's perfectly okay.

2 years, 10 months ago on Question of the Week: "What Do the Lonely Do At Christmas?"

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