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I love soaps but had never really watched B&B until I saw the commercials for Rick and Maya. I really tried to pull for them, but Rick is such a LOSER!!! I mean, really, he just can't resist Caroline? Give me a break! It's clear that they are going to make Maya and Carter get together and be happy -- just like they were when they (the actors) were on Guiding Light together.
Man, do I miss John and Evangeline from One Life to Live! The absolute best WM/BW romance in the history of daytime television!
3 months, 1 week ago on Soaps: Interesting Interracial Love Triangle on The Bold & The Beautiful
@itsgoodtobeme Oh, how I absolutely loved watching "John and Evangeline" on One Life to Live! The actors (Michael Easton and Renee Goldsberry) had great chemistry and looked so good together. So believable, and those love scenes were pure fire!
Don Diamont is on "The Bold and the Beautiful" now. He's not playing "Brad" but he's still on there almost daily. I used to think he was so cute when he started out on Y&R as the Abbott's pool boy!
4 months, 1 week ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part 11 - The “three finger, three second” relationships rule
@THE D Donnie does look really good! Actually, all of the New Kids do! They really took good care of themselves.
How fun! It's sooooooo hard to only choose three! But here goes...
1) Michael Easton (Daytime Soap Opera Actor, currently on "General Hospital") -- This man is SOOOOO freakin' gorgeous! He has the most amazingly brilliant blue eyes I've ever seen! Yeah, he's my all-time forever and a day favorite. Yep -- All day, everyday! And I don't even particularly care for tattoos, but I sure do care for his!
2) Keanu Reeves -- Just love him!
3) Taylor Kitsch -- I like literally just discovered him today because I watched "Friday Night Lights" for the first time ever! What a great show! Why didn't anyone tell me about this show before? It's so much deeper than I assumed it would be. This dude is gorgeous!
What gets me is that Black men can say the exact same "fetish" type language to a black woman, and the black woman will think the black guy is "spitting GREAT game." The white guy can say the EXACT SAME THING and the black girl now says he's got a "fetish" and he can't be trusted.
Someone, anyone, please, please, PLEASE show the woman (of any color!) who doesn't want whatever man she's interested in to think (and tell her!) that she's the hottest of them all? As I stated in a previous post, EVERY WOMAN wants her man to think she's hot, hot, hot! I'm just really confused here. So a black man can compliment your hair, your skin, your butt, the way you dance, etc. and it's all good. But the white man shouldn't do that because he's got a fetish for you. Okay, so what should he say?
"Oh wow, I really appreciate the way you read the menu at the restaurant! I won't compliment you on your brown eyes though because I don't want you to get the wrong idea." REALLY???
A lot of these black women really need to get it together. I'm sure many of these women shouldn't even entertain the thought of interracial dating anyway. If you can't or refuse to properly vet a potential mate, then you might want to stay away from dating anyone -- period.
It seems that so many black women don't have confidence in themselves. If you think every white guy you meet has a fetish, then that's a serious problem.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on <em>ORIGINAL POST with restored comment thread ~ Black women and porn can be discussed here</em><br /> -- <br />The Exotic Okey Doke: How Black Women Got Tricked Out Of Sexy
@Brooklyn Blue Bird,
Yes, many people speak incorrectly; however, that doesn't make it right. Right is right, and wrong is wrong. Just because "everyone" does it, does that make it okay? And yeah, there are subtitles used for "Honey Boo Boo Child," too. Does that mean that we should all be okay with that because "hardly anyone speaks proper English?"
As I stated earlier, what good is education if you don't use it? Why even have one if you are going to act the way you did before you had it? If you know better, shouldn't you act better?
As for GWB -- really? I think most people around the world can agree that he didn't speak well -- period. He was basically an embarrassment to the Presidency. And just because people make up words, the words just don't become "real" words. Teresa Guidice on "Real Housewives of New Jersey" says "ingredientses" on a regular basis. The word is "ingredients." Just because she (or anyone else) says it's a word, doesn't automatically make it so. GWB said "nukeular" instead of "nuclear" -- sorry, that's just WRONG!
And as many of us should know, black women are judged differently. People already don't expect black people to be educated. Please believe that if President Obama spoke the way President GWB did, Obama wouldn't be President. If Oprah Winfrey spoke like Beyonce or Jennifer Hudson, she wouldn't be a billionaire with a talk show on the air for 25 years and now her OWN Network.
Bottom line: Speech and diction matter. There's no getting around that. And yes, it matters even more for black people when many other people don't expect much from you anyway. That has nothing to do with "you're messing it up for me" -- That's just the truth.
5 months, 1 week ago on Don't Be a Rachel Jeantel
@BlackWomenDeserveBetter Thank you! I honestly love what I do, whether it's working with students, or individuals, or corporate groups. With my students, so often no one has told them that they aren't speaking correctly. My question always is, "What good is your degree if you can't sell yourself in a job interview?" You must be able to present yourself accordingly and so much of that is based on how well you are able to speak.
As a speech communication professor and public speaking consultant, I can tell you that speaking proper English is a real problem in the black community. Unfortunately, there is this attitude/thought process that "speaking right" means "speaking white." The majority of my black students really try to avoid speaking properly because they are of the mindset of "I ain't changin' fo' nobody!" In my public speaking course, I spend an entire class period going over common words that people (i.e. black people) regularly say incorrectly or just simply make up words that don't exist:
axe -- ask
troof -- truth
brehfiss -- breakfast
libary -- library
tooken (not a real word) -- taken
conversate (not a real word) -- converse
irregardless (not a real word) -- regardless
pronunciate (not a real word) -- pronounce or enunciate
Honestly, the list goes on and on. So often, when I give that lecture, my white students laugh because they know those words are wrong. The black students look upset, as though I've just betrayed them, like I'm calling them out and I should understand that "that's just the way it is." I don't let that stuff slide in my classroom. As an educator, my job is to educate. There's no way you're going to leave my classroom at the end of the semester still believing that "conversate" is a word because everyone in your house, 'hood, and favorite rappers/singers say it regularly. You may choose to still use it, but you can't say that you didn't know that you were now choosing to speaking incorrectly.
And furthermore, those simple attitudes are reinforced in the media. So many celebrities don't speak correctly. As lovely as both Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson are, they both are in serious need of proper speech and diction training. I bring them up because they are both so popular and there are so many young black women who look up to them, hear the way they speak, and think, "well, they sound like me so there's nothing wrong with the way I speak," and that's not the case. I know Beyonce has mentioned that she wants to do more acting. I'm sure she'd get many more roles and opportunities if she had proper speech training.
@mzsunshine I wholeheartedly agree. It is just shameful the way black people can make another group of black people feel about skin color which is something that you can't control.
Black people, as a whole, have a huge inferiority complex. The whole lighter vs. darker issue is just another way for blacks to separate themselves amongst themselves in an attempt to feel better about themselves. Think about all of the "flavorful" ways blacks use to describe each other: caramel, mocha, dark mocha, chocolate, dark chocolate, peanut butter, cafe' au lait, butter pecan, honey, cinnamon, toffee, etc. Is all of that ever necessary? No, it's not, but black people like the idea of separating out the "lights" from the "darks." So, if you describe yourself as "caramel" well that's a step above "mocha," yet the person who is "cafe au lait" is still the better looking person because they are lighter than both. It's all a form of self-hate.
But what gets me is that all of this colorism continues with black people (done to black people by black people), yet black people want to talk about how much they don't like or don't trust white people. Really? White people are the problem? Give me a break!
5 months, 2 weeks ago on Dark Girls Documentary Hits Home For Some
@KendraTaylor Why thank you! LOL!!! Believe it or not, I've actually had a few people tell me that before. Maybe that's something I should really consider... hmmm.... :)
I still haven't finished watching the documentary yet, but I do plan to complete it soon. It's all just so sad for so many browner skinned black women. While watching though, I couldn't help but realize how fortunate I was growing up. I am very much brown skinned (I don't even call myself or others "dark" because "dark" has such a negative connotation), but I clearly didn't get the memo that I wasn't supposed to be attractive or cute because I had brown skin. Much of that had to do with my parents, but I think even more of it had to do with the environment I grew up in. Fortunately, I grew up around mostly white people. Fortunately, I grew up in a middle-class home, middle-class schools, middle-class environment in picturesque Midwest suburbia. My dad worked in corporate managerial positions, and my mother was always a stay-at-home mom. Other people literally referred to us as "The Huxtables" which I always found to be humorous, but I kind of understood what they meant. For many people in my environment, "The Huxtables" were the only black family they knew of that weren't in the inner-city. And since my family was literally for some the only black family they knew, we were often referred to as "The Huxtables."
So, all of that to say that while I was fortunate enough to avoid the whole "light-skin/dark-skin" issue, I definitely, without a doubt was always cognizant of the fact that I was not white. I was made aware of that DAILY on the school bus, in class, at lunch, after school, etc. That's not to say that everyone was bad or rude, but many white people clearly let me know that they weren't happy with blacks living in a "fancy" house, going to "their" schools in "their" neighborhood. In elementary school, I routinely had classmates' parents ask what exactly my father's profession was. I remember in the 5th grade, I was friends with a girl and when she had her birthday slumber party she told me that I wasn't invited because her mother wouldn't allow any "colored people" in her home. That was in the mid-'80s and that was the very first time I'd heard the term colored. In junior high, I was routinely the only black person in my classes. I heard racist comments regularly.
High school in the early 1990s was bit better because there were a few more black people moving into the area. However, the numbers were still so small that we ultimately all tried to stick together. There was no mention of "lighter vs. darker" because we were just so happy to have at least one other black person the classroom with us. I was on the pom squad when I was in high school and that was major because it was a known fact that "black girls" didn't make the squad no matter how good of a dancer they were. Out of 28 girls on the squad, only three were black -- and we were so happy to have each other!
But I must say that as much as I hated being the only black kid in my classes, I am so glad that I had to deal with that instead of having to deal with believing that I wasn't cute because I was brown-skinned. That would have been so damaging, and I'm sure I would have some real issues to deal with and overcome like many of the ladies in the documentary.
BWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Oh my goodness! This was entirely TOO funny! I almost peed my pants laughing so hard! Please tell me that this lady had enough common sense to run in the opposite direction after she read this!
5 months, 3 weeks ago on Online Dating Hell...as Told By Dani
This so-called opinion piece is CLEARLY a joke, right? No SANE person really believes this "info" to be true, right? C'mon, "mystery author person" ~ Surely, you jest! Surely, you do!
5 months, 3 weeks ago on Opinion: Is Being Beautiful Keeping You Single?*
I think a major problem with weight is that people don't want to admit the truth, and unfortunately, much of the truth is gender based. For the most part, a man simply won't get with a woman he's not physically attracted to. It doesn't matter how smart, funny, or successful she is. If he doesn't want to have sex with her, he won't even entertain the thought of possibly dating her. Many women seem to be the complete opposite of that. If a guy is smart, funny, or successful, women will entertain the idea of having sex with him because he has then become more physically attractive. So, yes, he could be overweight and sex wouldn't be out of the question for many women.
It appears to me that women want men to think and behave like women in that regard. Overweight women want the same shot at "attractive fit" men even though the women themselves aren't fit. The women hope that their smarts, humor, and success will trump their lack of physical fitness. Some don't see that as a problem, but I do.
I've asked this question to several of my friends whenever we talk about relationships: Why is it that some women think it's perfectly okay to get with a guy that you're not 100% physically attracted to, yet women don't want the same done to them? Every woman wants to be the cat's meow in their man's eyes. What woman wants a man who says, "Babe, you know what? I'm really with you because you're so funny and smart. It's NOT because you're so physically attractive and fit." EVERY WOMAN wants their man to think that they are completely HOT!! You want him to think you're the bomb both mentally AND physically.
So ultimately, women hurt themselves by getting with men that they aren't physically attracted to, and then expect men to basically do the same thing -- except that men don't do the same thing and women end up getting their feelings hurt. Women accuse men of being shallow, so women try not to be shallow. But women end up not getting what they really want and then end up unhappy.
I have a perfect example. A friend of mine married a guy. They have kids, and he is a great guy. He has a great job, provides everything for her and the kids. She was a stay-at-home mom living in a beautiful home. The only problem??? She admitted to me that she was never, ever physically attracted to him -- EVER! She said she married him because she knew he was a great man, would be a great father, and he made her feel safe. She said even though she knew she wasn't physically attracted to him, she hoped it would change over time. It never did and guess what? Her husband figured it out. After 13 years of marriage, and three kids together, they divorced. She admitted that the main reason for the divorce was because she just wasn't attracted to him and after 13 years, she finally realized that she never would be. He figured it out and couldn't stand the fact that his wife wasn't wholeheartedly physically attracted to him. He thought she was beautiful, smart, funny, and a great mother. She said it wasn't that she thought her husband was ugly; he just wasn't her type. When she said all of this to me, my question to her was how would you feel if your husband said he married you but was never attracted to you? He just thought you'd be a good wife and mother, but no one who he wanted to sleep with yet he married you anyway. Women would be straight CRUSHED if a man said that to them, so I don't know why some women think it's okay to do that to men as if it's a better situation.
Bottom line: You MUST be okay with yourself physically, and you must be okay with your mate physically. You wouldn't want someone trying to change you into what they think you should be nor would you want someone to just "settle" for you the way you are because they couldn't get what they wanted in the first place.
6 months, 2 weeks ago on Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way: BB&W Is NOT Just a Swirling Club.
Chris, like you, I am SUCH an unapologetic soap fan. Soap operas are my only "Must See TV." I was quite sad to hear about "Mrs. Chancellor" passing away. I've been watching soaps since I was three years old, and Y&R was the first soap I watched. I've watched Y&R on and off over the years, but I always took comfort in the fact that so many of the "staples" were always there -- Nikki, Victor, Jill, Jack, and Mrs. C. It just won't be the same without her.
7 months ago on Death of a Legend: Soap Goddess, Jeanne Cooper Died This Week!
@Christelyn @BWWOB I definitely think you are right about meeting the family sooner, Chris. Honestly, as things currently seem for several of these Asian Men/Black Women relationships, it looks like a lose/lose situation unless you have an Asian man that is willing to stand up to his parents. I'm sure that is seen as being more "Americanized," but it appears to be necessary if you're going to have a successful AM/BW relationship. If the Black woman decides to acquiesce to everything, is that really the life she wants for herself or is she just hoping that things will eventually change? I think much of the responsibility for the success of the relationship lies with the Asian man. Obviously, he knows how his parents will feel about him being seriously involved with a black women. He has to decide if she's worth it to him. Also, black women must decide if not being accepted (maybe ever!) is okay, too.
I also just want to say that I'm not so sure that it's fair that the black woman is the one who's expected to willingly acquiesce to the Asian culture. I think it's one thing if you meet in Asia and you are living over there. But if you meet here in the States, and you plan on living in the States, then it's only fair that the Black woman would expect that parts of her American culture would be adapted to as well.
7 months, 2 weeks ago on Asian Mothers are CRAY!! Second Story I've Heard of Moms Threatening Suicide Over Black Girlfriends!
I think this is quite interesting. I am such a firm believer in that you teach people how to treat you. Everyone has to decide what they will and won't put up with, and what behavior they feel is either acceptable or unacceptable. Regardless of race or culture, when I'm dating someone, I expect to be treated with a certain level of respect. If I'm not, I take issue with that. I remember dating a guy (black) who was such a Mama's Boy. That was my first and last time doing that. It was so ridiculous. He was consulting with his mother on so many things within our relationship. I refused to be a part of that. And his mother didn't like the fact that I wasn't a pushover, going along to get-a-long like his last girlfriend. Obviously, the relationship didn't last because he chose to listen to his mother.
Anyway, all of this to say that you must know your worth and so must any man that you are serious with. I wouldn't put up with MamaDrama Foolishness from any guy -- Black or White. You have decide that you're worth more and that the man you want to be with is willing to stand up for you. If he won't do it while you're dating, what makes you think it will change if you marry him? Giving him and his family a pass just because they're Asian isn't going to win you any points. As you can see, they certainly aren't interested in giving you any kind of a pass just because you're "one of the good black girls."
@Jamila @LemonCrush Honestly, Jamila, I think it's because more women don't require it because they simply don't want it. I think most women actually look forward to changing their name to show that they've been chosen. I think most women look forward to the man being the "head," just like most women actually prefer that their husband make more money than they themselves do.
I think if more men said that they wanted to take their wife's name, women would have a BIG problem with that because that goes against "tradition," and, for the most part, women do like the tradition of taking the man's last name. And, too, I think most men want their name to be passed down in some shape or fashion, thus the reason for "Junior, II, III, IV, V," etc. And women like that, too. Women like giving their son's some part of their husband's name.
And, too, for the most part, men do the "choosing." Men are the one's who propose, who decide when they're ready to take on a wife, when they're ready to start a family, when they're ready to settle down. If a man hasn't decided he's ready to marry, then the lady will sit waiting to be "chosen." Men are ultimately the ones who decide when or if the relationship will move forward in a marriage state. Of course, the woman can reject him or leave, but it's he who decides to "put a ring on it." So, basically, men don't opt to change their last name because they don't have to.
9 months ago on Do you plan to change your last name when you get married? If so, you might want to think a bit more about that choice.
What an interesting discussion! Ultimately, I think everyone should do what's right for them and right for their relationship. I think it's great that we each have a choice! I will say that I do believe that while many believe in the "tradition," I think that the tradition ultimately states that you have been "chosen." You've been "chosen" by your husband, and now to show that you've been "chosen," you as the wife will change your name for the world to see. It's really the same as wearing an engagement ring or a wedding ring -- the ring shows that you've been "chosen."
I don't think there's anything wrong with being "chosen" because in all honesty, don't most people want to be "chosen?" You want to be the first choice and the only choice for your spouse. So, I don't think there's really anything "wrong" with the tradition if that is what both you and your spouse want.
When I get married, I do plan on hyphenating my name. It's something I've always planned on doing for a couple of reasons -- 1) I really, really like my name! It's unique and I think it says so much about me. 2) I like what the hyphenation would mean to me -- that I've lived a life before him that I'm quite proud of, and, now that I'm married to him, I'm proud to merge our lives together.
I would take issue with a man who had a problem with hyphenation or simply wanted me to take his name and drop mine altogether. For me, that's non-negotiable. Just as I'm sure his name means a lot to him, my name means a lot to me, too, and to expect me to just drop my name for the sake of him and his wishes doesn't really sit well. If anything, I think he should be quite receptive and respectful of my wishes as I'd be the one making the change. And that's why I'm such a big believer in courtship! So many of these things can be fleshed out through proper courting!
I absolutely LOVE daytime soaps! They are the only shows I make it a point to watch -- just about all other television shows are expendable as far as I'm concerned! And YES, the guys are gorgeous! Some of the best eye candy out there and I'm able to partake daily! LOL!
General Hospital is my favorite soap BUT that is by default because One Life to Live got cancelled. So, I mainly watch GH for the OLTL transplants. I'm actually glad that "Jason" left Port Charles and moved west to Genoa City. It's nice to know that GH will no longer be "The Sonny and Jason Mobster Show." PLUS my favorite soap guy, "John McBain" (portrayed by the most gorgeous man EVER, Michael Easton) will hopefully get a more prominent role on GH now. I tell you, that man's blue eyes are simply breathtaking!
But I will say this, that Joshua Morrow is something FINE! He's the best dressed man in daytime! Along with Daniel Goddard ("Cane") and Billy Miller ("Billy"), the men in Genoa City really have it goin' on!
10 months, 2 weeks ago on YES! My Two Favorite Hunky Soap Stars Are Now On One Show!