LemonCrush
- 27 comments
- 12 likes given
- 118 likes received
Bio not provided
Chris, like you, I am SUCH an unapologetic soap fan. Soap operas are my only "Must See TV." I was quite sad to hear about "Mrs. Chancellor" passing away. I've been watching soaps since I was three years old, and Y&R was the first soap I watched. I've watched Y&R on and off over the years, but I always took comfort in the fact that so many of the "staples" were always there -- Nikki, Victor, Jill, Jack, and Mrs. C. It just won't be the same without her.
@Christelyn @BWWOB I definitely think you are right about meeting the family sooner, Chris. Honestly, as things currently seem for several of these Asian Men/Black Women relationships, it looks like a lose/lose situation unless you have an Asian man that is willing to stand up to his parents. I'm sure that is seen as being more "Americanized," but it appears to be necessary if you're going to have a successful AM/BW relationship. If the Black woman decides to acquiesce to everything, is that really the life she wants for herself or is she just hoping that things will eventually change? I think much of the responsibility for the success of the relationship lies with the Asian man. Obviously, he knows how his parents will feel about him being seriously involved with a black women. He has to decide if she's worth it to him. Also, black women must decide if not being accepted (maybe ever!) is okay, too.
I also just want to say that I'm not so sure that it's fair that the black woman is the one who's expected to willingly acquiesce to the Asian culture. I think it's one thing if you meet in Asia and you are living over there. But if you meet here in the States, and you plan on living in the States, then it's only fair that the Black woman would expect that parts of her American culture would be adapted to as well.
I think this is quite interesting. I am such a firm believer in that you teach people how to treat you. Everyone has to decide what they will and won't put up with, and what behavior they feel is either acceptable or unacceptable. Regardless of race or culture, when I'm dating someone, I expect to be treated with a certain level of respect. If I'm not, I take issue with that. I remember dating a guy (black) who was such a Mama's Boy. That was my first and last time doing that. It was so ridiculous. He was consulting with his mother on so many things within our relationship. I refused to be a part of that. And his mother didn't like the fact that I wasn't a pushover, going along to get-a-long like his last girlfriend. Obviously, the relationship didn't last because he chose to listen to his mother.
Anyway, all of this to say that you must know your worth and so must any man that you are serious with. I wouldn't put up with MamaDrama Foolishness from any guy -- Black or White. You have decide that you're worth more and that the man you want to be with is willing to stand up for you. If he won't do it while you're dating, what makes you think it will change if you marry him? Giving him and his family a pass just because they're Asian isn't going to win you any points. As you can see, they certainly aren't interested in giving you any kind of a pass just because you're "one of the good black girls."
@Jamila @LemonCrush Honestly, Jamila, I think it's because more women don't require it because they simply don't want it. I think most women actually look forward to changing their name to show that they've been chosen. I think most women look forward to the man being the "head," just like most women actually prefer that their husband make more money than they themselves do.
I think if more men said that they wanted to take their wife's name, women would have a BIG problem with that because that goes against "tradition," and, for the most part, women do like the tradition of taking the man's last name. And, too, I think most men want their name to be passed down in some shape or fashion, thus the reason for "Junior, II, III, IV, V," etc. And women like that, too. Women like giving their son's some part of their husband's name.
And, too, for the most part, men do the "choosing." Men are the one's who propose, who decide when they're ready to take on a wife, when they're ready to start a family, when they're ready to settle down. If a man hasn't decided he's ready to marry, then the lady will sit waiting to be "chosen." Men are ultimately the ones who decide when or if the relationship will move forward in a marriage state. Of course, the woman can reject him or leave, but it's he who decides to "put a ring on it." So, basically, men don't opt to change their last name because they don't have to.
What an interesting discussion! Ultimately, I think everyone should do what's right for them and right for their relationship. I think it's great that we each have a choice! I will say that I do believe that while many believe in the "tradition," I think that the tradition ultimately states that you have been "chosen." You've been "chosen" by your husband, and now to show that you've been "chosen," you as the wife will change your name for the world to see. It's really the same as wearing an engagement ring or a wedding ring -- the ring shows that you've been "chosen."
I don't think there's anything wrong with being "chosen" because in all honesty, don't most people want to be "chosen?" You want to be the first choice and the only choice for your spouse. So, I don't think there's really anything "wrong" with the tradition if that is what both you and your spouse want.
When I get married, I do plan on hyphenating my name. It's something I've always planned on doing for a couple of reasons -- 1) I really, really like my name! It's unique and I think it says so much about me. 2) I like what the hyphenation would mean to me -- that I've lived a life before him that I'm quite proud of, and, now that I'm married to him, I'm proud to merge our lives together.
I would take issue with a man who had a problem with hyphenation or simply wanted me to take his name and drop mine altogether. For me, that's non-negotiable. Just as I'm sure his name means a lot to him, my name means a lot to me, too, and to expect me to just drop my name for the sake of him and his wishes doesn't really sit well. If anything, I think he should be quite receptive and respectful of my wishes as I'd be the one making the change. And that's why I'm such a big believer in courtship! So many of these things can be fleshed out through proper courting!
I absolutely LOVE daytime soaps! They are the only shows I make it a point to watch -- just about all other television shows are expendable as far as I'm concerned! And YES, the guys are gorgeous! Some of the best eye candy out there and I'm able to partake daily! LOL!
General Hospital is my favorite soap BUT that is by default because One Life to Live got cancelled. So, I mainly watch GH for the OLTL transplants. I'm actually glad that "Jason" left Port Charles and moved west to Genoa City. It's nice to know that GH will no longer be "The Sonny and Jason Mobster Show." PLUS my favorite soap guy, "John McBain" (portrayed by the most gorgeous man EVER, Michael Easton) will hopefully get a more prominent role on GH now. I tell you, that man's blue eyes are simply breathtaking!
But I will say this, that Joshua Morrow is something FINE! He's the best dressed man in daytime! Along with Daniel Goddard ("Cane") and Billy Miller ("Billy"), the men in Genoa City really have it goin' on!
It would be a great thing to FINALLY have a black Bachelorette on ABC! I just really hope that it's not a case of having the bachelorette be black, so by default, the majority of her suitors are black as well. I'd hate for the black bachelorette to have 25 guys vying for her attention and affection with 20 of the guys being black, 2 white guys, 2 Hispanic guys, and one Asian guy. If that's the case, then it will no doubt be known as the "Black People's Season of The Bachelorette."
@ASwirlGirl @LemonCrush @Blanc2 Exactly! And that's my point! I'm a proud Daddy's Girl as well. It's basically understood that when a woman marries, her husband comes first. It just boggles my mind that some men have such a problem putting their wives first. I just find it to be unacceptable, but people decide what they will and won't put up with. Most men aren't going to agree to being second to their father-in-law, yet women willingly "accept" that their mother-in-law will come first in their husband's life. Like I say, you teach people how to treat you.
@Blanc2 That is something that is commonly said regarding boys/men and their mothers. What about if the girl/woman is close to her father? What if the woman is a "Daddy's Girl?" Should a man know better than to never come between a woman and her father? Will the father always prevail?
@MySmile @Brice Cameron @EvetteDionne I have to disagree with the fact that black people would love to be stereotyped as shy and smart. For all the talk that black people tend to do about the importance of education, that's all it is -- talk. It's this whole thing of, "Sure, go to school, but don't forget where you came from. Don't come home trying to tell Mama, Grandma, Uncle Jo Jo, Aunt Louise, Cousin Kenny, etc. what you learned, and how to act, and how to speak, etc. And while you're at it, make sure you're out there dribbling that ball (if you're a boy) or still being cute (if you're a girl)."
And as far as shy goes, I think many black people love being the life of the party. I definitely think black women like the stereotype of the "no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is, sista-girl attitude." Being a shy black person is not something that is looked upon positively in the black community.
Does anyone else have a problem with the way that the rapper guy in the picture above is dressed? I just find it to be quite problematic on him and the numerous others who choose to wear such ill-fitted clothing.
This guy is totally gorgeous! Too, too bad he's not 10-15 years older! LOL!!! Christelyn, did he by chance mention anything about a single brother or uncle? LOL!!!
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm always amused when white women are confused by such silliness! Honestly, if black women truly knew their worth, their high level of attraction, and their true value of self, we (as a whole) would be in a such a better position. White men really are attracted to us as black women, and if black women really believed that and exercised their right to choose, it would be a different story.
I work in academia, and I've seen it time and time again on campus, just in my own personal experience. When I first began teaching, most of the white ladies in my office would at least say hello. But once they noticed that our white male colleagues were paying attention to me, things INSTANTLY changed! I'm talking years later and these women won't even part their lips to say hello! They may give me a fake smile, and I give it right back to them. I find it all a bit funny. And it honestly doesn't bother me because the women I work directly with aren't a problem.
I remember one time I was in the conference room with about four of my male colleagues. We were all talking because we didn't have any students visit us during our office hours, and somehow we just ended up in the conference room. Well, one of the white ladies walks by and sees that we're all laughing and having a good time. The door was open and she decided to come in. She says, "Wow, sounds like you guys are having a good time in here." One of the guys says, "Yeah," and proceeded to keep talking to me. The look on that chick's face was PRICELESS!!! She literally was baffled because not one of they guys gave her any attention. And she thought she was wearing a sexy dress, to boot! There I was in a sweater and jeans and I had each of the guys' attention and she couldn't handle it. And of course she just doesn't get it, because to her, I'm not what is considered "beautiful" -- meaning I have natural hair and I have brown skin. But I have confidence and she nor any of the other white women there intimidate me. She continues to be confused by that. I also think that my professionalism, and the fact that I'm a size 4 confuses them as well. After all, aren't all black women loud and obese???!!!! Even though I'm a professor, I should still "keep it real," right?! LOL!!!
@ASwirlGirl @LemonCrush Hi, SwirlGirl! No, I'm not married interracially (as of yet!), nor are any of my colleagues. Good luck with your study though! What are you researching?
@introvertedwanderer @LemonCrush This is all so interesting to me because it seems that some people just don't want to admit the truth -- Stereotyping is unavoidable. It will happen. There's no way that everyone will be judged as an individual all the time. It just isn't possible. And it seems that the people who have a problem with EarthJeff's wording really just have a problem with the idea of stereotyping -- believing that stereotyping is wrong. The truth of the matter is this -- stereotypes are typically stereotypes for reason. There's usually a bit of truth in stereotypes. Is it wrong that it's true, or is it wrong when it's not complementary, or it wrong simply because it doesn't apply to you as an individual?
Check it out ~ What if EarthJeff or any white guy came on this forum and said the following about why he liked black women:
Because they age gracefully
Because they are educated
Because they are great listeners
Because they have smooth, flawless skin
Because they are caring and thoughtful
Would it be an issue of black women taking offense, saying, "Well, I hate being stereotyped and put in a box because not ALL black women are thoughtful, nor are they educated. Look at me -- I'm neither thoughtful NOR educated!" Honestly, would black women come on here with replies like that? I don't think so. So, it seems to me, that this issue of being stereotyped is more about what is actually being said and not the actual "principle" of being stereotyped.
What if EarthJeff (or any white guy) would've come on here and said that he LOVED the following stereotypes about black women:
That they have many children out of wedlock
That they are loud and obnoxious
That they give their children the most "creative" names
That they will get you told in an instant
That they roll their necks and wag their finger
That they are strong black queens that don't need a man
Now, would people be FURIOUS at those stereotypes? Absolutely! But guess what? There is a BUNCH of truth to those stereotypes just as there is truth in first set of stereotypes I listed as well. There are stereotypes about both women and men of EVERY race. And, as I said, most stereotypes are based in some kind of truth.
I've read many of these comments, and, I must say, that many of them have me baffled, but, albeit, not surprised. It seems to me that some posters are really taking offense to what EarthJeff has said about his appreciation of black women as somehow being stereotypically racist or having stereotypically racist overtones. The thing I wonder is this -- If EarthJeff were a black guy (so he's now a "brotha") telling black women on a forum that is specifically geared toward black women (so the "sistas") what he liked about them, both physically and mentally, would the "sistas" be upset with the "brothas," deeming their comments as "unnecessarily stereotypical?" I'm just wondering because I'm guessing that wouldn't be the case.
Honestly, ladies, overall, black women do tend to have more round behinds. Overall, black women do tend to have fuller lips. Overall, black women do have versatile hair styles and our hair is overall different than other races of women -- to say the least! I just don't see how when a white guy points these things out, he's now being stereotypical. And, furthermore, on stereotypes -- we all stereotype at some point. I lecture on this very topic (stereotypes) to my college students on a regular basis -- we all stereotype because, as human beings, we have a need to compartmentalize. We want things to go in boxes because that's how we identify and make sense of things. Stereotyping isn't a bad thing -- it's what you do and how you treat others according to the stereotype that gets people into trouble.
@Christelyn @LemonCrush LOL!!! Yes, we do!!! At least the word is out!!!
Looks like such an awesome time was had! Is there any chance you can make room in your schedule to promote SWIRLING in St. Louis???
@ASwirlGirl Cute and funny videos! I don't have any kiddos yet, but I'd totally have to be with a guy who was willing to let loose with our kids. I'm always singing (WAY, WAY off key!) and dancing, so it would be extra special to have their dad be totally there in the moment with me -- with us, as a family!
And yes, as far as karaoke goes, I'm totally willing to play "Rock Star Groupie!" That's part of the package deal! LOL!! :)
You know, I never thought about sharing a pair of earrings, as the original "nameless poster" suggested above. I don't know why, but that just never occurred to me. And I actually kind of dig the idea behind it, too! It totally brings to mind the ending of "The Breakfast Club" (my favorite movie of all time!) when Claire gives one of her diamond studded earrings to Bender so they'll always remember what they meant to each other that Saturday at detention.
There are quite a few "cutesy" things that I want to do with my guy whenever I meet him! Here are just a few:
1) I love to travel. I love trains. I love Canada. One of the things I'd like to do with him is to travel coast to coast (East to West) across Canada by train. I'd also like to drive across the USA from coast to coast as well. I've driven (well more like "rode") from the Midwest to the west coast, and from the Midwest to the east coast, but I'd like to do the whole shebang from East to West.
2) I love music. I love to sing. I can't play an instrument nor can I a carry a tune to save my life! However, I LOVE pretending that I'm a rock star! Karaoke is one of my favorite things to do, and I'd really like to do that with him. It doesn't matter if it's just the two of us together, with a group of friends, or with a group of total strangers, as long as we are up there together, having a total blast, that's my idea of a good time!
3) I love to dance. I took dance classes when I was younger, and danced all the way through college. In fact, I currently take an adult jazz dance class two nights a week. It's great that the class is for adults only because as a woman in her 30's, my kicks aren't quite as high as they used to be! LOL! But anyway, I want to be able to dance with my guy. He doesn't even have to be good at it -- just the fact that he wants to dance with me because he knows how much I love it... that's what I want. You'd be surprised how many guys just flat out refuse to dance or sing karaoke -- at all, ever! LOL! :)
@Christelyn I was soooooo bummed when they broke them up, too! The actors had some great on-screen chemistry together. Glad to hear that you'll be hunting him down, and I hope you're able to chat with him. He's simply GORGEOUS!!! :)