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@Brenda55 Great points Brenda! I often wonder why BW of today even care about what someone else would think about who they date? I think my "no-care" attitude has grown a lot stronger with age, of course, but even when I first made the conscious decision that I was threw dating DBR BM, well American BM, the ONE thought that gave me strength to push forward in the face of family and friend opposition was that if these people really cared about ME and MY HAPPINESS they wouldn't condemn me to a life of living alone! They would OBVIOUSLY want me happy, and protected, and above all LOVED no matter what the color of the man happens to be. Once, I realized that some people just wanted me to stay stuck in misery so that they would be comfortable and have someone to complain to on our frequent Girl friend dates/pity parties out on the town about how that latest BM just did us wrong, etc., RATHER than TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT I woke up and stopped participating. The old adage of misery loves company is SO true!!! I just wasn't prepared to accept the Black Community's garbage line of we/BW have to lower our standards and date below our station in order to have "some-kind of man". I didn't buy into the acceptable "Man-Sharing" phenomenon that is currently running rampant in the BC as the BEST BW could expect!!!! The question you really have to ask yourself if your friends and/or family take issue with you dating or marrying out of your race, is "DO THEY REALLY WANT THE BEST FOR YOU!" If the answer is a RESOUNDING NO, then keep it stepping. Life's too short to be living for someone else's dream, live your own!
1 week, 3 days ago on “Im a Negro Bed Wench,” and Other Things I Learned Since Marrying My Husband
Loved this story and thanks for sharing! Very well written article!
Congratulations! My prayer is that MORE women will wake up and realize this too!!!
4 weeks ago on Another BB&W Reader Success Story! Remember April & Henry? They Got Hitched!
@Christelyn @Brenda55 You rock! Cool party! :)
1 month ago on Valid Excuse? Why You’re Not Seeing a New Post Today…
@Brenda55 @PhillyGirl @Lady A Brenda my friend tries to act like him not discussing marriage doesn't bother her either but I know better. She and I have had too many late night conversations, when we were both looking and longing for marriage and all that it represented, to be fooled by what she's saying now. She would marry him in a heartbeat IF he asked. She's just trying to save face and I'm sure, trying to forget about ALL the years she wasted on this man. I just think I would be SO BITTER. Here is this man, that she SURELY loves, who doesn't appear to love you enough to show you any type of respect. Anyway she tries to rationalize his behavior, it's is a tough pill to swallow!
1 month ago on Eve Becomes “Mrs. Maximillion Cooper”
@Lady A I know A LOT of women in my circle that seemingly have everything going for them, i.e. educated, making good money, own their own homes, and attractive, and they STILL persist in dating MARRIED men, One who makes me so angry has been with her married man for over 20+ years!!!! He's finally getting a divorced but doesn't seem to be all that interested in marrying her. And what's worse, she's TOO AFRAID, TOO THANKFUL that's she's now getting to spend more time with him, to even broach the subject!!! :( She's just going with the flow so she doesn't stress him out!!! UGH!!!
She was the same friend that showed NO enthusiasm when I got engaged because I met my man online. In her mind, it wasn't REAL or it wouldn't last and I needed to be careful. Now, as I'm going on two years with this man, and we get married next month, I think she realizes it's real...??So sad.
@marie_christine2 There's always hope. I'm also over 40 and getting married for the first time in July! My advice, don't waste time with men that you know in your heart of hearts will never marry you. I have regrets too for wasting YEARS with men that I knew had NO intention of ever getting married. My excuse was that I thought "I" would be the woman to change them. :( It took me years to realize that I don;t have to change a man or persuade a man to marry me because marriage is what I DESERVED! I was "acting" or playing the wifey role and then was confused why the men wouldn't make the next move. Once I became clear of how I expected a man to treat me, that I wasn't going to PLAY wife, vetting became easy because the weak men just fell off. But, it took me to set STRICT boundaries and stick to it, NO MATTER WHAT!
@darkandlovely @Kels @ladyofmagic1974
I agree! I think the Haters are mad at Eve because she didn't REMAIN a stripper!! They felt comfortable labeling her as a whore-stripper and then she became a rapper and they became LESS comfortable as her star started to rise and now they are just pissed because this little black girl, FORMER stripper, FORMER rapper, is MARRIED to a BILLIONAIRE WHITE MAN and living out her dreams in a country they problem have never even DREAMED of visiting!
@darkandlovely @Brenda55 @PhillyGirl YES, we do rock!
@Driving Miss Britt @PhillyGirl
WOW! Share ‘community penis” THIS IS SO TRUE IN THE BC! It's like it's a taboo for a BW to expect to have her own man. I remember always hearing in the community and in my own family that "All men cheat!" It was a way of telling young BW not to expect better
Your welcome. I hope you have a terrific summer. You don't have to necessarily be looking for a man but please be on the lookout for how men in the global community treat all women. And if you happen to see a BW/WM give a little smile! :) I always do. About 10 years ago when I was more concerned about what my friends and family would say about my dating outside of the BC, seeing those BW/WM couples was constant source of inspiration! I would look at those women looking so happy and stress free and my heart would yearn
@Kels @ladyofmagic1974 I agree! I feel like this is the epitome of a Cinderella story.
@Brenda55 @PhillyGirl Yes, in July as soon as school is out! I'm so looking forward to it. I'll definitely post some pics on the blog! :)
1 month, 1 week ago on Eve Becomes “Mrs. Maximillion Cooper”
@Brenda55 YES! Only a philly native can truly realize how HUGE this is!!!! Just the fact that as a BW she GOT married. Right there, she's beating the odds.
I am SO happy for this on so many levels but mainly because being a Philly Girl I KNOW what type of neighborhood Eve grew up in!!!! I've always respected Eve for making a place for herself among the roughriders back in the day. But, what I thought was amazing is that she didn't stop with just rapping. She went on to do her sitcom where Eve morphed into a "lady" and didn't feel the need to apologize. She is living her life, so far from home, with a man who can obviously see through all that she may have had to do to "make it" in the rap business and sees her AND, more importantly, TREATS her as a lady. I can only imagine what type of man she would have ended up with back home, if she was still attracted to the typical Philly boys" Her mom raised her well. I'm quite proud of her and for what it represents for all BW living in the hood. The message is clear: GO FIND a man that will treat you like a lady, who will nurture and protect you because you deserve and NOT someone who treats you like a man and wants you to "hold it down" for him!
@LovelyLulu @your epiphany I Do, it's the BUMS who will have them! :)
1 month, 1 week ago on Tichina Arnold is Not Here for DBR Men and Their Interweb Bull*hit
This was CLASSIC and what happens when a little boy tries to go up against a GROWN WOMAN!!!! :) LOL!
@SwirlQueen Yes, Brenda55 ROCKS!!! Whenever she posts, I listen! :)
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Coming Down from the Mount: Lay Off the Mods!
This is one of the few sites that I actually bother participating in. Why? Because I know the intention behind Chris is honorable and all about uplifting BW and helping us to realize that we are beautiful women worthy of love, respect and being taken care of just like other women in the world. The TROLLS, just don't want that message to be heard so they SHOULD be silenced. Thank God for the MOD because without them I would not waste my time here. I just like to read the articles and participate in a discussion with educated, like-minded positive women; without the MOD that would be impossible. So I say; THANKS TO THE MODS
OMG!!! This was painful to read but unfortunately NOT surprising. The surprising part is that these men feel perfectly comfortable permanently claiming their thoughts, OUT LOUD, IN PRINT for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!!! There is NO shame from these men, who are dark-skinned by the way, most likely the result of dark-skinned mother, because they KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that their views will not hurt their careers or their bottom lines. Black people and disgustingly some BW will still continue to support these men even when they're telling you as a BW that you're trash! SMDH!!!!! :(
1 month, 3 weeks ago on And This is Why We Still Talk About Black Men On Beyond Black & White.
Thanks for the support! Writing has really become my passion.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Dr. Phillygirl Pens a Book to Help Get You To “Doctor”
@Christelyn @happynlovinit I don't understand why someone bothers to read this site just to rudely disagree with the writer. No one is forcing you to read or agree with Chris, however if you don't agree with her writings as this is HER site, then STOP READING. It's ridiculous of you to even waste your time, in my opinion. However, for us that DO read her writings because we agree with her sentiment and stance on this issue, we love it! It's inevitable that some BW always get their feelings hurt because she is speaking and writing about HER beliefs. It's not bitterness, it's truth; some people just can't handle it.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on What’s the Message Here? He’ll Marry His Baby’s Mom If She’s…
'I just have to point the obvious here. The message is that you can be a complete hoe-bag, have a sex tape, be married to a baller for five minutes and conceive a child with another man and that man will still consider you wifey material…as long as you’re not black'
EXACTLY!!! CHRIS, I'm SO there with you on this issue and it infuriates me to say the least. BW, even when they are NO being a BIG,FAT HOE, can't find husbands but someone like this is adored? Come on, what's wrong with this picture!
1 month, 4 weeks ago on What’s the Message Here? He’ll Marry His Baby’s Mom If She’s…
It amazes me how some people ONLY look for the negative in a situation. Whenever a BW finds true love, in my book, is cause for celebration!!! It's like some BW don't want others to be happy or get what they don't have. Instead of blocking their happiness, take note and maybe a little happiness will come your way!
2 months ago on Some May Have Scoffed, But 300-Sandwiches Lady Just Got Engaged at Sandwich #257.
I'm looking forward to this movie. It reminds me of Vanessa William's movie A Courage to Love. That was a very interesting movie as well. http://www.amazon.com/The-Courage-Love-Vanessa-Williams/dp/B0002ZMIV2
Or the TRUE STORY of James Mink. Mink was a free black man living in Canada during slavery era married to a white wife. The story is about his biracial daughter being sold into slavery and his rescue attempt. VERY gripping.
2 months, 2 weeks ago on “Belle” Opens Strong…Tells a True Story of a Beloved Mixed Race Aristocrat
@Browncow thank you! I think I stumbled across this blog right when I needed it most as it gave me the little push I needed.
4 months ago on BB&W Fan, ‘Dr. PhillyGirl’: How International Travel Changed My Life
This is going to be GREAT! Can't wait to see it!
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Have You Seen the Adorable “Annie” Trailer Starring the Amazing Quvenzhané Wallis? Yes; Little Black Girls are Worth Saving
This was a LONG article and it was good all the way to the end! There were so many things that resonated with me but the overall message is, " until a woman truly believes she is WORTHY and a PRIZE to be WON, she will accept anything." Once you WAKE up and say, "why should I have to "bring it" and he only has to bring the thing swinging between his legs? NOPE, not me, either sister. I HEAR you and it's so sad that there are MORE woman than not, still paying for the affections of a man and "Waiting/HOPING" that one day he will wake up and turn into a REAL man and treat her right. Instead of waiting, GET OUT,, and seek GREENER pastures elsewhere! Life's TOO SHORT!
4 months, 3 weeks ago on Tyrese Gibson Speaks on DBR Men “They Love Low Standard Women Because They’re Easy”
Excellent list of resources! Thanks!
5 months ago on Must Read: Endless Opportunities Abroad For Women of Color
5 months, 3 weeks ago on My True Confession: I Advocate Swirling Because I Was the Black Man’s Cast Off.
6 months, 2 weeks ago on Beyond Black & White Continues to Reach Far and Wide…
@Jamila thanks for reminding us NOT to respond, I was about to go the heck off! I think my blood pressure just shot through the roof!!!! I'll never understand why if people HATE this site SO much would they spend time reading the content and responding to supporters. It's the epitome of dysfunction! SO SAD!
6 months, 2 weeks ago on While Gabrielle Union Cries in Her Soup, Eve Celebrates Her Engagement, But Will There Soon Be News of Random Babies?!
@Swirlgirl28 @UnlimitedBeauty Although I love Tamara/Tia(not sure who played Melanie) I stopped watching that show when Melaine had to constantly degrade herself to be with that man he NEVER treated her with respect.
6 months, 3 weeks ago on While Gabrielle Union Cries in Her Soup, Eve Celebrates Her Engagement, But Will There Soon Be News of Random Babies?!
@Tammy_Ghalden my thoughts exactly, no one seems to be talking about him having unprotected sex and potentially endangering the life of Gabrielle, she could have HIV, that's so sad and to me proves that Dwayne has no regard for her well-being, health, or reputation
@ncatina @itsgoodtobeme I too hail from Philly and know that area VERY well; not an easy place to come of age. The odds were most certainly against Eve from the start, but she seemed to always be striving for more. Most people don't know that she started out as a stripper and then moved into rapping; that was an amazing accomplishment to be at one moment looked on as only a sex object by men and then to successfully be thought of as one of their peers. Amazing! I liked her then, but I REALY like her now.
Also, I am a true believer of "when you see better you DO better" and Eve knew what type of man would treat her like a lady and NOT a ride-or-die chick. Her haters are just jealous and can't believe her man can see her as anything soft and worthy of protecting AND respecting. Way to go EVE!
@EboniOngel I just finished a Doctorate program and sadly there were 3 BM out of 32 participants; #1 BM was married to a BW and indiscreetly cheating on his wife with SEVERAL women at work. ( I just found out he was fired for sexual harassment); #2 BM was a COMPLETE ASS and openly hostile and verbally disrespectful to the other 5 BW in the group often putting them/us down in favor of WW. He also spoke very NASTY about his Black baby-mama; #3 was a preacher. I sadly discovered first-hand that it's not about education or intelligence, it's ALWAYS about CHARACTER.
11 months, 3 weeks ago on Iyanla Vanzant: "There is no reason to continue to have children with men who don't honor us."
@LorMarie @BWC I think the point you may be missing is that Iyanla's desired focus is BW. As a BW, she obviously feels most drawn to BW and their plights. Yes, you are right, this message could be for ALL women who engage in shameful behavior but I think Iyanla just focused on who she felt most drawn to: BW. I definitely don't think it was a racial slur or even a consideration.
@BWC @LorMarie Exactly LorMarie. No part of the message was defeated; she calls it like she sees it. And believe me, "messing with somebody's husband" is such a prevalent problem in the BC as BW feel compelled to fight for any BM EVEN BM already involved with other BW or married!!! It's just a fact in the lives of BW today.
WOW! I've always liked Ms. Vanzant, but I think she has REALLY come into her spiritual self these past couple of years. Although she is not an ordained minister, I consider her to be a modern-day missionary, taking her message out into the world and sharing it with any BW that will listen. Yes, what she said WAS scandalous to me because of the fact she felt so COMPELLED to say it! This message is an old one on sites like this but mainstream BW need to hear it! It's not just women like us, on this site, that think and feel this way, it's also Iyanla, a reputable BW preaching the same message! Amen! Iyanla. WELL DONE!
@futureshock Yes, VERY creepy! This paragraph alone gives us an insight into the self-worth of the writer?? So Sad.
12 months ago on This is one of the Reasons So Many White Guys Think Black Women are Off Limits.
I agree. It's SO SAD that BW even still have this view in 2013. It's like BW KNOW and have been told over and over again that there is a poison out there killing the spirits of BW, leaving them UNMARRIED and ALONE and struggling to survive and provide ALL ON THEIR OWN, leaving their children without fathers, and they STILL, armed with the knowledge of all that information, STILL WILLINGLY CHOOSE THE POISON?????!!!!! BM feel NO allegiance to BW, AT ALL, why would any BW in her right mind still look to BM for anything and EXCLUDE all other worthy mean on the planet? It's seems the epitome of self-destructive behavior and most certainly LOW self-worth.
And, I'm SO tired of people saying, "BUT, ALL BM aren't like that." Okay, maybe not ALL but certainly the majority of BM have not embraced, uplifted, PROTECTED, cherished, loved or EVEN respect BW in so many years, why then are BW still holding onto the dream? Why are BW so willing to drink the poison knowing all well what the outcome will be???
@Karla Thanks Karla!
12 months ago on My New Obsession...Expensive Lingerie
@EnJay @Karla Thanks! I will!
@Karla Karla, can you provide this newbie with some of your favorite brands! I was just in Paris, sadly I missed out on my hand-made nighties by the nuns; maybe on a return trip. :) I'm looking for this to quickly become my new very expensive hobby
Wow! Like you Chris, I thought Victoria Secret was the best and when I became dissatisfied with their quality I all but gave up on lingerie! Okay, about to try something new...I have heard of Agent Provocateur, perhaps that will prove to be a good introduction to "Next Level Nighties!" My hubby-to-be thanks you!
You GO GIRL!!! Happy Birthday Chris! You look beautiful inside and out as your spirit shines through for all to see. Thanks again for ALL that you do and I'm EAGERLY looking forward to the next 40 years. ENJOY!
1 year ago on This is Forty...
@Brenda55 Thanks Brenda! Feel free to leave a comment from time to time. I started my blog so I could keep in touch with family and friends when I'm away and also so I could document this very exciting time in my life. As I look back on my life, I am sure this journey will be something I want to remember.
My blog: http://phillygirltravels.blogspot.com/
1 year ago on On Your Guard: The ‘Blacklash’ Has Begun. Violence Against BW/WM Couples and Families Trending.
@MomofIV Thanks! This was very uplifting
Welcome to the site, like all of us here, finding this site was like finding water in the desert.
"The Myth doesn't make a man, and with so many Black men having such a skewed viewed of manhood and the only thing they have of 'value' is their penis, I guess it's more than many of them can take."
PHILLYGIRL: I have been thinking the same thing for some time! Since BM place such a HIGH value on their supposed sexual ability, now that BW are leaving them for WM/others and NOT running back to BM complaining that the sex was terrible their ego has been shattered! It's so sad that some BM think that the only thing they could/should offer BW is sex; and even more SAD when BM think great sex or a big package is equivalent to being a REAL MAN! Whatever happened to BM protecting and providing for BW and not the other way around? SO SAD :(
@MomofIV I want to commend you on finding the strength to do what you did with respect to your family, I KNOW it was hard. Removing toxic people from your life, EVEN family is necessary if we are to live a life of abundance and happiness and what a WONDERFUL gift you gave to your girls by placing them in an environment where they could actually see loving relationship between a man and a woman.
"I was the cash-cow, the babysitter, the caregiver (my mother had cardiac-related medical ailments).
"I wasn't giving up my man to continue being the mule for my family (like so many black women do)"
PHILLYGIRL: These two statements above really hit home for me as I am experiencing something similar in my life now with my mother and sister. I'm recently engaged and although I know my family is happy for me, I also see/feel signs of their resentment as they contemplate how my moving away and getting married will impact their lives. I am also the caregiver of my mother who has major health problems,including cardiac problems, however she refuses to go into an assisted living home; I WAS HER NURSE AND ASSISTED LIVING PERSON. My sister has kids and as I don't I was just expected to be the point person with my mother. Now, they both have employed subtle guilt tactics when I display happiness about my impending nuptials and about this next phase in my life. It's like they don't want me to celebrate or feel like this is worth celebration. I'll admit, at times I do feel guilty. But, I know I deserve happiness of my own. Both my mother and sister are divorced but at one point they made the decision to leave the nest and get married; I don't for the life of me understand why they would begrudge me my happiness.
I think in the BC, BW are looked on to take care of their single mothers and to act in lieu of men because there aren't any real men around taking care of BW woman. Thankfully, my relationships are still intact with my mom, a little less so with my sister, but I'm not going to squander this gift God has given me. I've found a good man and I am stepping out on faith..thank you for sharing your story.
@Brenda55 @emmerdale94 @eddybal Brenda55 just finished the book and found it fascinating. I'm giving this a try although I admit it will be tough
1 year ago on My "Wheatless" Journey--Before, and After.
@Christelyn Thanks Chris, I was wondering about juicing as I think I overdid it on the fruit part and usually juiced after working out. I just finished reading the book: Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back To Health Dr. William Davis. It was very eye-opening and I am on-board to try this NO WHEAT thing out!
Wow, this is eye opening Chris. I have been trying to lose weight for awhile, working out, juicing, and the scale will go down a bit then UP, UP, UP! I just ordered the book from Amazon. I will keep you posted, thanks again
"B&W isn't a "swirl site" just for "swirling" sake, we really REALLY want black women to exercise all their options and marry QUALITY men."
Chris I'm so glad you stated that point outright. I always felt like the message of your site was not so much about marrying IR but more about dating IR and expanding your options until you find what/who works best for you. I'm happy for any woman who finds a man to treat her like a queen; no matter is color.
1 year ago on Kerry Washington Marries a Black Man, And Yet She STILL Remains the Embodiment of What BB&W Is About
@kia "How most black men do as little as possible when in relationships with black women. But come correct with non black women and are ready to provide for them and give them anything they want. They will always be clowned in relationships and be miserable."
Kia SO TRUE. I have seen this a lot in my life with men that I've dated as well as in the relationships of friends. It just appears BM KNOW they have to come correct with NON-BW but with BW it's like, "she'll be cool, she'll take whatever.!!" And what's even worse about the way BM think is how BW react to their piss poor treatment: BW just eat it up like their shitty behavior is a gift." But, Oh how the tide is changing and Kerry is a great role model for BW. :)
@yanni54 @uninterracial @JuneBug277
Thanks for the correction. I don't really follow pop culture that much but I think you may have uncovered another VALID point:HE GREW UP WITH BOTH PARENTS WITH STRONG FAMILY VALUES! Whether he was born in Africa or the US is irrelevant; he's AFRICAN, raised by African parents, with solid family values. He could have easily been from Mars and it wouldn't really make a difference, as long as a man is treating you right it doesn't matter. The point is; he doesn't treat his BW as many BM do in this country. To be honest, you sound like a BM or a Sister Soldier type loving BM as if they are being unjustly persecuted.
My question to you...why are you even on this site????
@LadyHumor I love this analogy!
@Brenda55 @uninterracial So, true! It's really about the character of a man NOT his color. Any woman, Black, white, or other wants a man who behaves like a man: NOT A little boy masquerading in a man's body.
@uninterracial @JuneBug277 I bet there will be some backlash because the BM is from Africa and not an African American. He's so unlike typical BM in America, as he's about being positive, giving back to his community and not treating HIS BW like a whore. Kerry Washington married this man because he recognized her as a phenomenal BW woman. I wish more BW would recognize their phenomenal status and hold out for THEIR diamond in stead of settling for mere old street rocks.
@Windsinger @WorldTravelingChic @Brenda55 @Toni_M @Lejusdecoco
Cosign: I met my current Fiancé on EHarmony. But this was AFTER an on again/off-again affair with various sites. I would get frustrated and stop and then get disgusted that I wasn't doing all in my power to find a good man. I agree timing and vetting is everything. What I kept telling myself: Keep trying so at least you know you've given ALL you had to find true love because you deserve it! I'm so happy I stuck with it and you should too
1 year, 1 month ago on Online Dating Hell...as Told By Dani
Thanks! Nice Post!
1 year, 1 month ago on From Lifestyle Blogging to Being a Foodie: Black Women Bloggers You Oughta Know
@ASwirlGirl Thanks! I
1 year, 1 month ago on Why Do Some Black Women Consider Marriage "The Enemy"? Part I
@Brenda55 "Not every black women wants to share the dream of marriage and family with a man who is not black. Que the gasps and shattering glass"
Good point Brenda55 - although I have dated almost exclusively interracially for the past 8 years, the man I am marrying is an African who grew up in England; the key point for me was that he was NOT AFRICAN AMERICAN and had not been indoctrinated to the piss-poor ways African American men treat BW in this country. Now, I don't mean to generalize or offend anyone but my experiences with African American men were LESS than stellar and were more about what I could do for HIM rather than what he could do for me as his woman. My Fiance treats me just as great as my WM boyfriends did these past couple of years so I knew what being treated right by a man felt & looked like and I would accept nothing less. Although this site is targeted to BW/WM relationships, to me it's about more than interracial dating/relationships it's about educating BW that they have OTHER DATING OPTIONS other than African American men and providing a forum for like-minded women to share their thoughts.
We BW are lovely, feminine and scared too, just like other women of the world, and we deserve men who can recognize our beauty and are willing to love, protect, and provide for our well-being, like ALL women deserve!
@Bunny77 Thanks, these stats are MUCH more encouraging.
@Bunny77 Thanks Bunny77! The other thread got WAY to busy for me to keep up, but thanks for your well wishes, much appreciated!
TO: Brenda 55 - thanks for the well-wishes on the other post. I promise to keep in touch. I've started a blog to keep family/friends updated on my travels; feel free to stop by.http://phillygirltravels.blogspot.com/
This article hit home for me. When I told my single BW friends that I had met someone and was seriously talking marriage, I got negativity! Honestly, I couldn't believe it. These were the same women that I would encourage to date and venture out of their comfort zones and they would in turn encourage me: OR SO I THOUGHT. One BW, had the nerve to suggest that I in stead of marriage we should just move in together for at least a year to see if it worked out. My reply:If I were going to live with a man I would have done it in my twenties! If this man wants to sample the merchandize for a YEAR he better put a ring on it!" She gave me every excuse but in the end I knew that I wanted to get married and I wasn't going to let anyone talk me out of it.
On the other side, I also got A LOT of negativity from divorced BW. The bulk of their commentary was: "girl, if I knew then what I know now, I woud have NEVER married. I certainly wouldn't do it again. NOT at this age. " Or my personal favorite: "marriage is not al lit's cracked up to be!"
I know 50% of marriages end in divorce but 50% MAKE-IT. Why would other women attempt to talk me out of my chance to be married?. Don't I deserve to be nurtured and loved and taken care of? The answer is YES. I have no regrets on getting married (AT THIS AGE) and look forward to the future
I must admit, this is the first story I've ever read on this site that made me thing, "WTF!" I found this article not only degrading to BW but intellectually insulting to woman everywhere. I really kept reading thinking the author was going to pull a, "THIS IS A BUNCH OF CRAP switch-a roo!" But, no such luck.
Okay, so where do I begin...YES student loan debt is a BIG issue for just about every person who has ever gone to school and had to pay their own way and it's probably more so a problem for BW who are usually heads of households; I'll give you that. BUT, does that mean BW should not aspire to greatness through higher forms of education? NO! Even into their 40's and GOD FORBID 50's - YES, they should! YES.
Granted, most people go to college to get a better job and earn more money, BUT some people go to college for the LOVE of learning. Some people go back to college, well into their 40's, because they have developed a love of a subject and want to learn more about it. Some people, like me, found themselves UNMARRIED, and CHILD-LESS at 40 and decided I didn't want another COACH BAG, OR NEW CAR, OR MORE CLOTHES, OR MORE STUFF, so I opted to feed my mind and go back to school and go for my Doctorate. Did I need it for my career? NO, did I NEED it for me, for my personal level of happiness, YES. Was it worth the additional student loans; ONLY TIME WILL TELL, :)
I figured I would be paying off bills until I die, WHY NOT pay off a bill that will possibly make me a better person, inside and out. Why not try something different instead of getting stuck in my rut? Why not try to meet different people and do different things, EVEN at 40? Why not? It's NEVER to late to live your life. And I’ll tell you what it did for me:
I leave in August for a 2-year contract working in Dubai in my field! MORE MONEY, yes but that's just the icing on the cake, moving out the country having ALL expenses paid is terrific! Through my doctorate program, which I started at 40, I met a lot of positive women, one liked to travel, we went to London on one of our breaks, I met a guy who is now my FIANCÉ! I'm getting married in October!!!! :) So, all I can say is Education is about MORE than the price tag, sometimes it's about getting that person OFF the couch, out of her neighborhood, and OUT INTO THE WORLD!
1 year, 1 month ago on Black Women Are Spending Too Much Time and Effort Going to School, They Should Be Spending That Time Trying to Get Married
My deposit went through! :) Also, I just came across this website that helps people fund their travel, you might want to check this out...good luck
1 year, 1 month ago on Let's Help a BB&W Youngin' Go Overseas!!
This is so wonderful to read when young BW bravely move beyond their environment and strive to do something new!!!!! I love this....donation forthcoming :)
I, too, threw up about 10 times reading this CRAP! It's such CRAP! As a Principal, working with age group identified in this article, I can CONFIRM, what the author says is true. Yes, these boys are violent, obsessed with sex, and verbally, physically, and psychologically threatening to their Teachers and other "real children" in the classrooms! SO, my questions is, "WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER CHILDREN JUST COMING TO SCHOOL TO LEARN?" what about their safety, the safety of the Teachers, and the sacredness of the institution of Education? When does it become, the school's responsibility to "raise" future black men to "look good" in the eyes of little black girls? Don't even get me started on the MANY things plaguing Urban Education in America; one of which, are the parents and apparently the Black community at large, expecting education to do more in the schools than EDUCATE YOUR CHILD. I've been in SO many parent meetings, particularly this school year, when I've had to bluntly say to a Parent that it's YOUR JOB TO RAISE YOUR CHILD and our job to EDUCATE HIM. Don't come screaming when I've had to suspend your son or daughter for that matter because at 8, or 9, or 10, they are cursing at the Teacher IN CLASS or bullying students IN CLASS, or PHYSICALLY ASSAULTING THE TEACHER AND/OR OTHER STUDENTS IN CLASS!!! I mean, come on??? AS the Principal, what am I to do? I can't have unsafe children menace, intimidate, or abuse students and staff in the school no matter what the age. Yes, suspensions, are not the long-term answer; a long-term answer is having parents assume responsibility of their children and stand up and PARENT ALL READY. But in the short-term, I can remove those children so the other children can learn and we don't lose the whole RACE!
The sad thing Chris, about these young boys described in the article, it's NOT that they are being depicted in a negative or inaccurate light, the author admits to this being a true depiction; to me, it's the FACT THE GIRLS DO NOT LOOK ON THESE BOYS UNFAVORABLY!!!! Our young Black girls gravitate towards the "Bad" boys and ultimately those are the boys that get all the girls EVEN in 3rd and 4th grade. That's the sad part, that AND the fact that the Author thinks it's OK for our young Black girls to select these boys. Why isn't the author writing an article about ways to help the boys to be deserving of future quality BW? Why isn't the author telling young girls to steer clear of these boys and DATE OUT if that's what it takes to be with a "REAL" man? The answer: this black man and SO many others in the Black community think this is all little black girls and ultimately BW deserve - SO SAD :(
1 year, 3 months ago on Yet Another Liberal Horse-Poo Article Confirming the Necessity for BWE...
Don't make one mistake be your life story - I REALLY LIKE THIS!!! :)
1 year, 3 months ago on Question of the Week: "How Do I Get Over My Married Boyfriend?"
First let me say, You are NOT ALONE. The fact that you are questioning the relationship tells me that you know you are worth more than what you got from that man. You made a mistake, SO WHAT, every women on this blog is guilty of dating the wrong guy once or twice in their lives; luckily for you, you did this when you are young enough to shake off the stains of this relationship and move on. You've acknowledged your mistake and now it's time to let it go mentally, physically and spiritually. I would start with the advice made from Chris, "give yourself a break from dating." and by NO MEANS backslide with this man. I would also add, start reading LOTS of self-help books; some are cheesy but there will always be a message of positivity that will enrich your soul. Look at uplifting movies; The Secret or You Can Heal Your Life; exercise, journal, sing (yes, sing in your shower or tub) start by pulling together any and all music that makes you smile and makes you want to sing; it sounds cheesy BUT it's proven to lift your spirits. And KEEPING reading this blog. There are so many positive women on this site and you can always find a kind word and a smile. Above all, ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT! That man knew you were worth gold that's why he was attracted to you, so never doubt your self-worth and NEVER let any man or woman for that matter make you question how special you are. You will be fine! Keep your head up. :)
@Lexi88 This is so SAD and true! I heard/ HEAR several of these comments from S0- Called enlightened women :(
1 year, 4 months ago on Since We're Discussing It...The Pot Calling the Kettle ONYX...
@Toni_M @foreverhopeful I've been getting into juicing as well; I usually put in lots of fruits but also a handful of Kale. The fruits overpower the taste of the Kale but you still get the nutritious benefits.
1 year, 5 months ago on Day 20 of 28 Days of Heart Health: Healthy Living Idea Swap and Giveaway!
You guys are so cute! Thanks for the merry wishes and right back to you and yours. Thanks for all you do and I'm looking forward to 2013 with BB&W!
1 year, 7 months ago on A Very Special Christmas to My BB&W Family!
Okay ladies, don't slam me for saying this, but I have found the more a WM has or tries to have "swagger" the more he takes on or tries to EMULATE the characteristics of a BM; especially if he considers himself accomplished. In dating, those characteristics are, stringing multiple women along, NOT marrying them, because "you just can't find the ONE!" Come on, really a bunch of BS. This is just another weak, selfish man trying to use women for their own personal desires; definitely NOT a real man. Maybe it's just me that's noticed this??
1 year, 7 months ago on Beware the "I haven't found the right one" Guy; It's Just Another Stall Tactic to Keep You Running on the Hamster Wheel!
Heading to London for Christmas & New Years hoping to have a GREAT TIME
1 year, 7 months ago on Are the Brits Down with the Swirl? YES.
The "ONE" Pass did it for me! I'm Natural and the thought of NOT spending several hours flat ironing convinced me to give it a try. Thanks Chris! BTE, your hair looks great!
1 year, 7 months ago on FINALLY! Salon Results at Home! Here's How I Did It...
Thank you so much! this really made my day!
1 year, 7 months ago on Have We Completely Lost Our Humanity? Connecticut Elementary School Shooting Makes My Heart Sick.
Like everyone else I was and am still MORTIFIED by what happened. Looking at the news, one can become so desensitized to violence, but not from this: I CRIED. Chris, as a Principal in an elementary school, I pictured that same scenario you described; " mom drops off little baby to school, hoping to get in some last minute Christmas shopping, most likely rushing the babies out the door as we all do in our normal routine, only to have that DREADED PHONE CALL: The school is on LOCK-DOWN! As a Principal, I can tell you lock-down drills are serious but all too ordinary in our world. Parents probably thought is was something minor that would pass; but that next text saying the lock-down had been lifted NEVER came. I can't even imagine that moment... :( SO SAD... My heart is broken for the little babies and their families.
And then I think to the Teachers and Principal, like me who have trained for such a moment but NEVER in your wildest dreams do you think it will ever happen at your school; too YOUR BABIES. When I heard that the Principal ran towards the gun shots all I could think was: OF COURSE, that's what we do. Principals are trained to manage the emergency, try to de-escalate the situation if possible, and CONTAIN the threat in the office away from the kids. So, of course she ran towards the gun shots... That Principal and those Teachers are TRUE heroes because I know they knew at that moment they would have to sacrifice their lives for their kids. But, when did Teaching become such a hazardous profession? Is there nothing sacred left? All I can say is, " my heart is broken" but off I go to work on Monday morning to my own school. to my own babies, and pray, like I'm sure every other Principal will do,"God, PLEASE don;t let it happen here."
@Brenda55 I read that book a couple of years back and LOVED it! I was so refreshing to read about a BW living our her dreams abroad
1 year, 8 months ago on Take Your Show (a)broad!
@ChristieRJohnson I share your sentiments of feeling like my window of opportunity is closing; i'm in early 40's but I've decided I'm not going to let fear stop me. Like you, I'm not married and don't have kids so I can afford to be daring and take risks. I'm in Education so it's a little easier as I've been applying to International Schools but you may want to check international schools as see what other type of jobs are available. A good website is joyjobs.com there is a small fee but well worth it. Good luck
Thanks for bringing this story to your blog; I don;t know how I missed this living here in Philadelphia. The storm coverage was CONSTANT for almost 48 hours and not ONE story about the circumstances surrounding these 2 babies. Yes, I heard about their deaths, but probably like most, we chalked it up to another tragedy from Sandy's wrath and not what it most likely was: A HATE CRIME in 2012. :( My heart breaks for the couple; I just pray their marriage will be strong enough to survive this tragedy.
But, you're so right; as an interracial couple you have to be careful about where you live and where you socialize; not everyone has gotten the memo that bigotry is wrong or that it's 2012.
1 year, 8 months ago on To the Swirling Familes, a Cautionary Tale to Remind Us to Vet The Neighborhoods As Well as We Vet Our Men.
NASTY! Just plain NASTY! What's wrong with BM? It just seems like there isn't ANY HOPE! :(
1 year, 8 months ago on Thanks to Social Networking, Lil Reese and Def Jam Records are on Notice.
@Maxine This was SICK!!!!!!
1 year, 9 months ago on New Bites: Bus Driver Uppercuts Teenager. Was She Asking For It?
I looked at the other video about the BW in FAU and it was SHAMEFUL!!!!!! I truly felt sick to my stomach and said a quick prayer that not a lot of people view the video for fear of it further damaging the public image of BW everywhere. :(
I have 2 problems with the Bus Driver video: (1) A MAN feels the need to hit a woman and then have the audacity to say, "if she wants to act like a man, I'm treat her like a man!??? Which we all know is UNTRUE. Only WEAK men prey on women and I would bet my savings if that scenario was repeated with a man instead of a female the situation would have gone quite differently.
(2) If I saw this right, a BM was sitting right in the front row watching the whole incident take place and NOT ONCE did he get up to help the woman or approach the man.
I'm sorry to say this, but BM as a whole are a sorry bunch and don't feel the slightest need to protect the females belonging to their group. It's sad. And people wonder why we're dating and marrying out at ever increasing rates. It's not because we want a WM over a BM we just want a MAN!!!!
THANK YOU! I must admit I haven't been on this site in awhile due to the NEGATIVITY the last couple of times I was on...maybe a month or so ago. I was thinking, "who let these people in my ONCE safe haven?" and honestly it really bothered me the negative tone the blog had taken... So thanks for reminding your audience of the class and mutual respect that exist here.
now I have to look at the "cutie" on the video.
1 year, 9 months ago on Matthew Hussey Tackles BB&W Question of the Week: "How Do I Get a Guy to Commit?"
Brenda I think you hit it right on the head! It is about the QUALITY of life and some BW; dare I say, don't believe that type of HIGH QUALITY of Life should be for you....a BW. Your cousin, of course, is jealous, and longs for what you have, but she will and can never admit that to your face. For admitting that to you of all people means that she made the BIGGEST mistake of her life in deciding to stay with and SETTLE for her choice of mate. Secretly in her heart, she probably NEVER thought your life would turn out so well and now it smacks her in the face every time she interacts with you.
1 year, 9 months ago on Brenda's Rebuttal to Bloggers Who Take Jabs at Black Women Who Prefer Interracial Dating
@Statuesque "Because, they'd say, Black women can't and shouldn't ask for more. We aren't worth it, we don't deserve it. No one will accept us. No one thinks we are beautiful, feminine and worth protecting and cherishing." EXCELLENT POINT!
It's true that BW believe this kind of crap mainly because we were brought up to believe this. UNLESS you had a progressive and forward thinking mother or Mother-Like figure in your life, changing your mindset is about the hardest thing an individual can do. Change can only come when you recognize that there is a problem; for women unlike the women on this site; the typical BW believes there is NO PROBLEM. Why? Because that's just how things have always been done so why change now. CHANGE is hard and it takes a brave type of woman to go against the norm. Just think, if CHANGE and BEING BRAVE was easy there would have been A LOT more Harriett Tubman's around. I'm just glad my mind has always been open to new ideas and thankful that I found this blog because even amongst my Intellectual rich circle of friend there isn't a lot of support for the way I live my life.
@Brenda55 @NewMaya That's SO sad. :( My eyes swelled up when I read about your cousin Brenda but you know what it is more common than you think.
1 year, 10 months ago on Must See Video! Marriage, Sex, & Swirling: A New Yorker in the Midwest
Of course you handled yourself amazingly well and represented for all the BW/WM couples out there just trying to live a HAPPY, NORMAL, LIFE. I have come to expect nothing less than grace and elegance from you. I just wish that you and and all the other BW dating WM didn't have to go through this river of NEGATIVITY just to live the life they want to live. It's so ridiculous that people feel this way and feel vindicated in spewing their hate for the world to see. So sad. I hope you don;t think another moment on this and keep on doing you.
BTW, the book signing looked amazing! I hope you had a great time.
1 year, 11 months ago on A Lesson in Vetting and Giving Folks Enough Rope
Putting my vote in for Philly!
1 year, 11 months ago on Taking This Show On The Road--#Swirling Going National!
Chris, this was brutal to listen to, it just reinforced to me that we have some SERIOUSLY damaged people in our community. So, what Gabby talked about her dad and his lack of parental responsibility, she's entitled to talk about anything that pertains to her life. And, obviously this Dad issue causes her some pain, AND she;s entitled to feel it and speak on it. Chris, like you mentioned in the video, "how is her mom supposed to project this "HAPPY GO LUCKY" persona when she is really struggling and not knowing where here next meal is coming from??? And for me the question is, Why SHOULD she have to project this fake persona to her child. Yes, she shouldn't go out of her way to speak negatively about the Dad but nor should she go out of her way to paint him in a positive light when NONE exists.
All I can say of the man calling the mom a B ---- and saying she needs to be slapped is YUCK! What a BETA! Not once did he even question the responsibility of the MAN. It' always about the woman and what we're not doing. He was just GROSS!!!!!
1 year, 11 months ago on My Take on the Gabby Douglas Cluster Cuss...
Wow! Simply AWESOME
1 year, 11 months ago on V, The Writer: "Bottom of the Barrel? Stop right there. That’s my wife you’re talking about."
Josh Turner, Country boys are so Hott! I'm pursuing international careers particularly in Education. I'll be finished my Doctorate VERY soon and my job hunt targets living FT abroad or traveling abroad more than 50% of the time. I'm excited I've had some interviews and have been offered 2 jobs just waiting until I defend my dissertation to move. Wish me luck
1 year, 11 months ago on Some Real Talk on 'Swirling': Concerted Efforts to Kill My Soul.
@ncatina Another Overbrook Park lady here...
I've often pondered the thought of whether I possessed the grit it took to be a trailblazer like Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, or Sojourner Truth! To be honest, I don't know if I have what it takes to stand firm to what I believe no matter what, but I KNOW that's what you're doing. When I first stumbled across your blog I thought, "wow!" Yes, this BW can write, and was articulate, and expressed her viewpoints well but more important to me, you dared to speak up and stand your ground on a topic that is STILL SO TABOO in the Black Community. Sure, you could have just lived your lovely life, taken good care of your family, and maybe touched the lives of some you of the women/girls you encountered along the way, but you didn't do that. You DARED to speak to the masses and share not only the JOY of your world but also the SECRETS and basically handed women, lucky enough to stumble across your blog, they KEY to a little of that happiness.
I am truly grateful. I am an older woman, single, emotionally scarred by DBR BM that I have encountered in my life and for the first time I look on my life not with sadness and longing for what COULD have been but with hope for what MIGHT BE. It's SO good to hear like-minded successful BW talk of their struggles and their joys on this site and look to UPLIFT the other women on here. As a result of this site, I have decided to pursue a more international life-style and I can say it was because of this site and several of the sites on your blogroll that has given me that extra bit of courage needed, I could go on but I don;t want to make this too long. I'll end this by saying, STOP reading the negativity. Just like you vet men, and your friends, you have to vet the type of things you allow to come into your mind because like it or not it will effect you. You deserve better than that for the road you have forged and WILL forge for countless women and girls alike. You may never know how far your words have reached and how many lives you have infected with joy and positivity and I'm sure you're not keeping score; but God is. And excuse me for getting religious. You are an angel so don't EVER let someone stop you from doing the work that you were meant to do.
yeah, the rap was a TAD MUCH! But overall loved it and the show still makes me laugh out loud! Looking forward to the season.
2 years, 1 month ago on She's Back: Awkward Black Girl, Season 2!! (NSFW)
Some of the women on this site are so up for a fight? Whatever happened to the, "you share your comment/view and I share mine?" Brenda thanks as always for your viewpoint and level-headed response.
2 years, 1 month ago on BB&W EXCLUSIVE! Kola Boof Reveals the REAL Reason She Broke Up Djimon Hounsou and Kimora Lee Simmons!
I kept reading this article thinking it would end in a "GOT YOU" How sad for all the women involved that either of them felt like the had to resort to such unlady like behavior. I cringe when young woman read this or hear of this and think "yeah, she got what she deserved" We need more female role models in the limelight that are the opposite of this. I feel like a man will do anything slimey because there's always a woman out there rationalizing her behavior in her head just to be with that no-count man. How sad :(
@Avoc42883And to take that a bit further...when someone like Kanye West hooks up with Kim kardashian no BW or BM for that matter bats an eyelash! It's SO accepted when celebrity BM hook up with WW like kanye, or Michael Jordan,,, and many others...there is NEVER any backlash
2 years, 2 months ago on Madame Noire Covers "Swirling" and LMAO at the Comments!
I don't think that people don't get this; I think people DON'T CARE! It's like BW aren't worthy of being in a loving, supportive marriage, so when people like Chris share her success and the successes of other BW in IR relationships, it's like WHO CARES! Well, thank God for this site because it's obvious that the women on the site care and care deeply.
Brave topic...you would think that the older one gets the less trouble one would have with this topic. But, I found that the older I get the more difficult this is to maintain; I think I'm pre-menopausal so my body is changing? I don't know, maybe the jobs more stressful or I'm just more in tuned with my body but I find the wipes during the day to be a MUST. Also, during that time of the month I need something stronger like that of a sanitizing gel...there's definately a "zing" to it but I always leave feeling confident and fresh.
2 years, 3 months ago on Health: "Ew! What's That Smell?!" Seven Ways to Combat Body Odor Under Your Arms and Va-Jay-Jay
Where do I begin... the positve is that he expressed his views well and didn't make excuses for being "F" up. Now, is he "F" up? My answer is yes! I cringed when he called BW who date interacially "bed winch!!" Come on now, and that he wouldn't have any problem dating them - TRANSLATION = SEXING THEM but that he couldn't take them seriously. I wonder does he take ANY woman seriously. I mean is he married or ever even talked marriage? he spoke of being in a long-term relationship and having a baby but never once spoke of MARRIAGE; TRANSLATION = HE JUST WANTS TO CONTINUE THE CYCLE OF MAKING A BW A BABY MAMA INSTEAD OF A WIFE! This is just another man who wants BW at his disposal for when/if he decides to throw her a bone and BED her DOWN. does anybody buy this crap?
Here's what I got from this man, and I'm not even sure he realizes this or not, but the fact that he doesn't want to date BW who have dated interacially is because #1 reason HE WON'T MEASURE UP TO A WM. There, I said, it and it's the truth. He even hinted around to say WM own everything, translation = WM know how to make money and are good business men, so this BM may be worried - even subconcioulsy that that BW would be comparing him to her former WM and that at the end of the comparison he would not measure up. Also, another reason, I believe, is that this BM knows that any BW who dares to date interracially will not settle for any of his USUAL BS. He won't be able to run game on this type of, as he called her, "free-spirited" BW because she's had better and, more importantly can get better, so why would she tolerate his BS. And my last reason,that I believe this BM won't date a BW who's dated a WM is because he knows that WM (of course not all WM) know how to "date/woo" a woman and this BM probably considers it TOO much work to try to compete with that BW's former flame. I don't know about you ladies but I say... WE ARE NOT MISSING OUT ON THESE TYPE OF MAN" :)
2 years, 3 months ago on Friday Not-So-Funny: "I avoid Black women that date interracially like the Plague..Black Men can do whatever they want!!!"
you got me good girl! I saw thispost on facebook and was like "OH NO!" Good one, what would we do without you?
2 years, 3 months ago on I've Had Enough! The END of BB&W.
Brenda thanks for the silent prayer to all of us single women...I have to admit it's SO hard meeting a nice, marriage minded man even in a big city like Philadelphia; well;; especially for women over a certain age. So, Brenda if you know of any nice WM please send them my way.
2 years, 3 months ago on If I Prioritize Getting Married, Will That Make Me Look Desperate?
Lovley chris! congrats!
2 years, 3 months ago on So...Guess Where I'm At?? He Really Surprised Me.
So What?? Why is mentioning is family A LOT a problem? As women we should celebrate men that #1 have a family to mention and #2 love them enough to shout that love from the roof tops. I;m with Cris on this...WTF???
2 years, 4 months ago on DISGUSTING!! White Comedian Gets Heckled About Having Biracial Child
@reem11 @Bunny77 @Olivia
Yes, excellent point!
2 years, 4 months ago on If You Live in a Mixed Dating Wasteland, You Might Want to Consider Packing It In.
This baffles me too. I think I expect more from my educated BW, especially the ones that I consider friends but some of them are so CRAZY!!! I have A friend who's a Principal with a Master's degree who has been dating a married man for over 20 years and doesn't see anything wrong with it. So, dating a married man is preferred to dating a WM who may marry you???? Why settle for 2nd best when you can go for first!
2 years, 4 months ago on Video: "Why So Much Hate For Black Women Who Swirl?"
Excellent video and very thought provoking questions. I won't pretend that I have an answer but I do beleive that for BW the hatred comes from not believeing BW deserve better. It has a lot to do with what you;re exposed to and the environment in which you were raised. Little black girls, for the most part, are being raised by single mothers where they see men behaving as boys and we come to believe that's just how men are. It's not until you SEE different and experience different that you begin to want something different in your own life.I 've said this to several of my friends before, much to their chagirn, but going to college isn't just about gaining academic knowledge. To me it's more about EXPOSURE, especailly for BW living in high-poverty- all black neighborhoods it;s MORE about opening their minds to the possibilites of living your life in a way that's different from the one in which you were raised. I'm speaking from experience, growing up in a single household with a STRONG BLACK MOTHER, watching the "MEN" in the neighborhood NOT work or take care of the babies/baby mammas and still be reverred by BW made me think that was jus the way of the world. The BW worked hard, paid the bills, STILL had to have sex with their men and make them feel like men and the BM didn;t have to do anything but show up.
I grew up being attracted to those type of men' thugs and drug dealers because that's what I say everyday and those were the "men" I felt I could get; i.e deserved. It wasn't until going away to college, not undergrad because even then BW still choose to segregate themselves, but in grad school; I found the more schooling you do the less BM their are in those classes and you're forced to socialize with other men, usually WM. That's when BW like myself begin to realize that they were sold a bunch of lies about BM. All that, "men will be men" and "don't stress that man out" and my favorite "any BM is better than no man at all" just didn't apply to the other women in the world. Those women expected their men to be men and would not accept anything less.
The BW and BM currently hating on IR couples are those that I consider to still have their minds closed; especially the BW. They still think the men hanging on the corners calling them "shortie", or the men selling drugs, or scrapping enough money together to maybe buy a pack of diapers every now and then are REAL men :( They just don't know any better and when BW who swirl try to tell them it's like talking a different language; they just can't understand. . It's sad.
Congrats Chris! I wish you another 10, 20...30 years of smiles!
2 years, 5 months ago on HELP! Ten Year Anniversary Coming, No Fracking Idea What To Do!
This is too dang funny! :) But, I noticed he never realky answered the allegations, he talked about how it is effecting him but thought nothing of how his actions effected those women! And his wife was with him for 10 years before they got married so he cheated on her pretty much their entire relationship and now she's defending him....OH MY GOODNESS!! Somebody slap this chick, PLEASE
2 years, 5 months ago on I Wish More Black Women Had 'Becky's' Cojones--Matthew Couloute Gets MAJORLY Outed!
Tim Mcgraw - he's SO DANG SEXY!
2 years, 5 months ago on Your's Truly On the Radio with "Champ" from Very Smart Brothas Talking Swirling
That's why a man in medical school typically dumbs the wife as soon as he is in a better financial situation. I;m convinced no REAL man wants a woman taking care of them and even if he needs that type of support as soon as he's back on his feet he's gone b/c he doesn't want to be reminded of how LOW he was in the past. He wants to be the NEW and IMPROVED man the provider having his woman NEED him and LOOK up to him, That's hard when the relationship was once being supported byt the woman
@oekmamaOh, I forgot about the, I don't have a six-fiure income, but I have the intellectual capacity of someone who does comment!!!! My thought was HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THE INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY TO MATCH. and if you truly did, why aren;t you making six figures!!
Sometimes, I don't even know why you bother. :( But lucky for me and other supporters of your blog that you do. The CORPORATE LAWYER comment was ridiculous; Notice she didn;t say she was MARRIED!!! just dating and we know how long she went to school to become a lawyer so we can take a stab at her age. This indoctrination of BW is SO DEEP Also, she talked about getting to know what that man dreams about, getting to know his goals but my question is HOW OLD ARE THESE MEN!!! How long are you supposed to give a man to dream before he GROWS UP and DOES. And why for God's sake would any woman in her right mind go for a man she has to RAISE or SUPPORT over a man that is RAISED and able to SUPPORT HER??? IS IT ME OR IS THAT CRAZY I must admit I was discouraged hearing this....
Yes, and I love it! I spent this past Christmas & New Year's in Cancun, Mexico. The weather was a perfect 82 degrees and sunny. it was weird laying on the beach in December but a GREAT kind of weird. And I'm happy to report that I met a lovely BW/WM couple at the new year's eve party from London who had been married for 18 years. They were absolutely lovely!
2 years, 6 months ago on Oneika: To Berlin with Her Boo!
Great finale! I'm glad she chose Jay; looking forward to the next season
2 years, 6 months ago on Season Finale of "Awkward Black Girl!" She Makes a Decision!
This is SO NEEDED
2 years, 6 months ago on The Great Snub: Why Are The Major BW Publications Ignoring Us?
I would love to read more about your experiences,thanks!
You are such a prolific writer! I'm very happy I stubbled across your site. Keep up the good work and HAPPY NEW YEAR! BTW, I would love to hear more from the IR couples and maybe even persuade them to look around their social circles for "quality men" looking to swirl; older men would be great for the not-so- young women on the site.
Very Nice!!! Wishing you great times and LOTS of romance in 2012!
2 years, 6 months ago on Sad News: Former ‘Hottie’ Jason Hendrix, Succumbs to Cancer, Age 41.
Happy Holidays! Busy studying and taking exams, thanks for checking on me. Are you as happy as I am that it's not snowing in Philly yet!!
2 years, 7 months ago on Video: The Loving Truth
I completely agree with you; as a women currently pursuing her Doctorate while working FT I can attest to how hard it is to go to school BUT if you want better you have to make it happen; and I WANT better. I'm not sure if I consider myself better than black men because of my degrees, for me it;s about finding a quailty man who " wanted" better so he valued education enough to go out and make the "BETTER" happen in his life instead of sitting back complaining or thinking the world owes him something. Also, I don't think that after doing all that it takes to get the degrees I should be "put down" by BM for having them or attach myself to a man that doesn't just because he's black???
2 years, 7 months ago on Weak Men Want to Lead? Stop Blaming Women for Your Lameness!
Been busy studying for exams. I wanted to say I've enjoyed your site as well. Not a lurker but definitely don't post on a regular; FT job & FT student. Thanks for all you do, keep it coming
2 years, 7 months ago on Video: A BB&W Primer for All the Newbies, Lurkers & Trolls
Chris, This was short but sweet. i think the young man was VERY sincere and seemed to have the inrerest of BW at the forefront; of course their will always be naysayers. :( I just can't for the life of me understand why people care who is dating who? If interracial dating is not for you then DON'T do it; it;s that simple, well, at least to me.