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@EboniOngel I just finished a Doctorate program and sadly there were 3 BM out of 32 participants; #1 BM was married to a BW and indiscreetly cheating on his wife with SEVERAL women at work. ( I just found out he was fired for sexual harassment); #2 BM was a COMPLETE ASS and openly hostile and verbally disrespectful to the other 5 BW in the group often putting them/us down in favor of WW. He also spoke very NASTY about his Black baby-mama; #3 was a preacher. I sadly discovered first-hand that it's not about education or intelligence, it's ALWAYS about CHARACTER.
4 months, 1 week ago on Iyanla Vanzant: "There is no reason to continue to have children with men who don't honor us."
@LorMarie @BWC I think the point you may be missing is that Iyanla's desired focus is BW. As a BW, she obviously feels most drawn to BW and their plights. Yes, you are right, this message could be for ALL women who engage in shameful behavior but I think Iyanla just focused on who she felt most drawn to: BW. I definitely don't think it was a racial slur or even a consideration.
@BWC @LorMarie Exactly LorMarie. No part of the message was defeated; she calls it like she sees it. And believe me, "messing with somebody's husband" is such a prevalent problem in the BC as BW feel compelled to fight for any BM EVEN BM already involved with other BW or married!!! It's just a fact in the lives of BW today.
WOW! I've always liked Ms. Vanzant, but I think she has REALLY come into her spiritual self these past couple of years. Although she is not an ordained minister, I consider her to be a modern-day missionary, taking her message out into the world and sharing it with any BW that will listen. Yes, what she said WAS scandalous to me because of the fact she felt so COMPELLED to say it! This message is an old one on sites like this but mainstream BW need to hear it! It's not just women like us, on this site, that think and feel this way, it's also Iyanla, a reputable BW preaching the same message! Amen! Iyanla. WELL DONE!
@futureshock Yes, VERY creepy! This paragraph alone gives us an insight into the self-worth of the writer?? So Sad.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on This is one of the Reasons So Many White Guys Think Black Women are Off Limits.
I agree. It's SO SAD that BW even still have this view in 2013. It's like BW KNOW and have been told over and over again that there is a poison out there killing the spirits of BW, leaving them UNMARRIED and ALONE and struggling to survive and provide ALL ON THEIR OWN, leaving their children without fathers, and they STILL, armed with the knowledge of all that information, STILL WILLINGLY CHOOSE THE POISON?????!!!!! BM feel NO allegiance to BW, AT ALL, why would any BW in her right mind still look to BM for anything and EXCLUDE all other worthy mean on the planet? It's seems the epitome of self-destructive behavior and most certainly LOW self-worth.
And, I'm SO tired of people saying, "BUT, ALL BM aren't like that." Okay, maybe not ALL but certainly the majority of BM have not embraced, uplifted, PROTECTED, cherished, loved or EVEN respect BW in so many years, why then are BW still holding onto the dream? Why are BW so willing to drink the poison knowing all well what the outcome will be???
@Karla Thanks Karla!
4 months, 2 weeks ago on My New Obsession...Expensive Lingerie
@EnJay @Karla Thanks! I will!
@Karla Karla, can you provide this newbie with some of your favorite brands! I was just in Paris, sadly I missed out on my hand-made nighties by the nuns; maybe on a return trip. :) I'm looking for this to quickly become my new very expensive hobby
Wow! Like you Chris, I thought Victoria Secret was the best and when I became dissatisfied with their quality I all but gave up on lingerie! Okay, about to try something new...I have heard of Agent Provocateur, perhaps that will prove to be a good introduction to "Next Level Nighties!" My hubby-to-be thanks you!
You GO GIRL!!! Happy Birthday Chris! You look beautiful inside and out as your spirit shines through for all to see. Thanks again for ALL that you do and I'm EAGERLY looking forward to the next 40 years. ENJOY!
4 months, 3 weeks ago on This is Forty...
@Brenda55 Thanks Brenda! Feel free to leave a comment from time to time. I started my blog so I could keep in touch with family and friends when I'm away and also so I could document this very exciting time in my life. As I look back on my life, I am sure this journey will be something I want to remember.
My blog: http://phillygirltravels.blogspot.com/
5 months ago on On Your Guard: The 'Blacklash' Has Begun. Violence Against BW/WM Couples and Families Trending.
@MomofIV Thanks! This was very uplifting
Welcome to the site, like all of us here, finding this site was like finding water in the desert.
"The Myth doesn't make a man, and with so many Black men having such a skewed viewed of manhood and the only thing they have of 'value' is their penis, I guess it's more than many of them can take."
PHILLYGIRL: I have been thinking the same thing for some time! Since BM place such a HIGH value on their supposed sexual ability, now that BW are leaving them for WM/others and NOT running back to BM complaining that the sex was terrible their ego has been shattered! It's so sad that some BM think that the only thing they could/should offer BW is sex; and even more SAD when BM think great sex or a big package is equivalent to being a REAL MAN! Whatever happened to BM protecting and providing for BW and not the other way around? SO SAD :(
@MomofIV I want to commend you on finding the strength to do what you did with respect to your family, I KNOW it was hard. Removing toxic people from your life, EVEN family is necessary if we are to live a life of abundance and happiness and what a WONDERFUL gift you gave to your girls by placing them in an environment where they could actually see loving relationship between a man and a woman.
"I was the cash-cow, the babysitter, the caregiver (my mother had cardiac-related medical ailments).
"I wasn't giving up my man to continue being the mule for my family (like so many black women do)"
PHILLYGIRL: These two statements above really hit home for me as I am experiencing something similar in my life now with my mother and sister. I'm recently engaged and although I know my family is happy for me, I also see/feel signs of their resentment as they contemplate how my moving away and getting married will impact their lives. I am also the caregiver of my mother who has major health problems,including cardiac problems, however she refuses to go into an assisted living home; I WAS HER NURSE AND ASSISTED LIVING PERSON. My sister has kids and as I don't I was just expected to be the point person with my mother. Now, they both have employed subtle guilt tactics when I display happiness about my impending nuptials and about this next phase in my life. It's like they don't want me to celebrate or feel like this is worth celebration. I'll admit, at times I do feel guilty. But, I know I deserve happiness of my own. Both my mother and sister are divorced but at one point they made the decision to leave the nest and get married; I don't for the life of me understand why they would begrudge me my happiness.
I think in the BC, BW are looked on to take care of their single mothers and to act in lieu of men because there aren't any real men around taking care of BW woman. Thankfully, my relationships are still intact with my mom, a little less so with my sister, but I'm not going to squander this gift God has given me. I've found a good man and I am stepping out on faith..thank you for sharing your story.
@Brenda55 @emmerdale94 @eddybal Brenda55 just finished the book and found it fascinating. I'm giving this a try although I admit it will be tough
5 months ago on My "Wheatless" Journey--Before, and After.
@Christelyn Thanks Chris, I was wondering about juicing as I think I overdid it on the fruit part and usually juiced after working out. I just finished reading the book: Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back To Health Dr. William Davis. It was very eye-opening and I am on-board to try this NO WHEAT thing out!
Wow, this is eye opening Chris. I have been trying to lose weight for awhile, working out, juicing, and the scale will go down a bit then UP, UP, UP! I just ordered the book from Amazon. I will keep you posted, thanks again
"B&W isn't a "swirl site" just for "swirling" sake, we really REALLY want black women to exercise all their options and marry QUALITY men."
Chris I'm so glad you stated that point outright. I always felt like the message of your site was not so much about marrying IR but more about dating IR and expanding your options until you find what/who works best for you. I'm happy for any woman who finds a man to treat her like a queen; no matter is color.
5 months, 1 week ago on Kerry Washington Marries a Black Man, And Yet She STILL Remains the Embodiment of What BB&W Is About
@kia "How most black men do as little as possible when in relationships with black women. But come correct with non black women and are ready to provide for them and give them anything they want. They will always be clowned in relationships and be miserable."
Kia SO TRUE. I have seen this a lot in my life with men that I've dated as well as in the relationships of friends. It just appears BM KNOW they have to come correct with NON-BW but with BW it's like, "she'll be cool, she'll take whatever.!!" And what's even worse about the way BM think is how BW react to their piss poor treatment: BW just eat it up like their shitty behavior is a gift." But, Oh how the tide is changing and Kerry is a great role model for BW. :)