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Hey all!  Finally back in Interwebz World!

Teddy.  God Damn I love you Teddy.  And after only ONE game!!  And I'm not gonna lie - I didn't ever love Ponder, Cassell, Sage (WTF???), or any of the other fap socks we've had back there since Brett Favre's game versus Green Bay in the Metrodome in 2009.  But, Holy SHIT!! I could watch the game without wanting to stab myself in the ear every time the quarterback took the snap!  It just felt... refreshing!

1 day, 6 hours ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/

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That's hot as shit and all... but where's the rest of his left arm???


3 months ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/shirtless-vikings-alert-hot-blair-walsh-action.html

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Ha! I saw that a few minutes ago and thought, "Oh shit! Did Kevin Williams die?" Glad I'm not the only one who saw it that way!

3 months, 2 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/

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I just... can't.  Barr???? Really!?!?!  Spielman better take a bigger swing in round 2

4 months, 3 weeks ago on Conversation @ http://purplejesusdiaries.com/2014-articles/2014-nfl-draft-day-vikings-draft-promises.html

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It really turns the new stadium into a bit of a shining beacon in a friendly harbor for lost souls. Course, we all know Vikings fans have no souls, having sold them in 2009 during the Brett Favre era.

7 months, 1 week ago on New Vikings Renovations Include Turning Downtown into a Snow-Mageddon

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In my world, Mike Zimmer takes us to the cusp of opening day 2016 then refuses to take the team on to the field until the team is dressed in proper 1977 era garb, Speilman throws a hissy fit and tells Zygi "it's either him or me", and Zygi says "Beat it, Rick. Someone get the ghost of Bud Grant's equipment manager on the phone NOW! We've got a goddamn football game to win!"

8 months, 1 week ago on How About This Minnesota Vikings Jersey Redesign?

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Also, remember that time that Rick Speilman drafted Brandon Burton (yes! wait, who?) fifteen spots ahead of Richard Sherman in the fifth round of the 2011 draft?  *barf* 

8 months, 2 weeks ago on How Chris Cook (Probably) Spent Championship Sunday

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I've seen him play.  I'm not sure he thinks this much.

8 months, 2 weeks ago on How Chris Cook (Probably) Spent Championship Sunday

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 And here I thought the Packer fans were "Kuhn" - ing... but they were booing the refs!!

8 months, 4 weeks ago on Packer Fans Dumbfounded Refs Didn't Call More Penalties in Green Bay Loss

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And one more...

Holiday haiku,

Merry Christmas PJD,

Happy Hanukkah?

9 months, 1 week ago on PJD's Game 15 Recap: Monkeys Herding Vikings

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Wish my team would lose?

Perhaps I suck as a fan.

Crazy like a fox?

9 months, 1 week ago on PJD's Game 15 Recap: Monkeys Herding Vikings

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Head Coach (sort of) Bud Grant - 4 Super Bowls, every other "Star Power assistant" - 0 Super Bowls, multiple gut wrenching Conference Championship losses. Hire a head coach.

9 months, 2 weeks ago on WAIT, WAT? Bill O'Brien to be Next Minnesota Vikings Coach?

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My stomach hurts from laughing at the GIF/haiku combo. Thanks for the laugh!

9 months, 3 weeks ago on PJD's Game 13 Recap: What the Hell Was That?

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There are certain things in life which must be "as expected" for me to not blow a nut from day to day. I can rest easy knowing that chaos reigns at Winter Park.

10 months ago on AuDiesel Remains MLB Starter, WTF Was Henderson All About?

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Sometimes if I furrow my brow and grit my teeth when I poop, I finish the task faster... could that maybe help end this season faster?

11 months, 1 week ago on Do the Vikings Win More Games if Leslie Frazier Changes His Face?

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@honkeylips Manning to Randle... I hear the zipper

11 months, 2 weeks ago on Masturbatory Game 6 Preview: Primetime Suck-Off

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Did I take that too far? That was too far wasn't it?

11 months, 2 weeks ago on Masturbatory Game 6 Preview: Primetime Suck-Off

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Remember that feeling you had at scout camp when you knew you were going to hear your tent zipper open long after all the other kids had fallen asleep? And you knew that sharing a sleeping bag with a much older scout leader wasn't just a different way to stay warm? And the shame you felt the next morning while pouring maple syrup on your campfire pancakes when all the other kids just enjoyed them? Those are my feels now, tonight and tomorrow morning. I know this team is going to make me feel dirty and shameful for investing my time in to watching them. And yet all I can do is sit in my thermal underwear in my sleeping bag and wait for it. Pass the scotch.

11 months, 2 weeks ago on Masturbatory Game 6 Preview: Primetime Suck-Off

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OK, I used to think he looked like Ron Perlman.  Now he just looks like Clay Morrow if Clay Morrow was someone's prison bitch.

11 months, 2 weeks ago on Matt Birk Becomes a Hot, Sexy Mess!

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Can I just throw this out there?  I was pleasantly surprised at how little we saw Toby.  Just trying to focus on the positives.

1 year ago on PJD's Game Three Recap: Keeping That Winless Streak Alive!

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I nominate Jennings for a rare midweek Mushroom Stamp of Approval!

1 year ago on Greg Jennings is Right, the Packers Do Suck

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Ending up at 0-2 after PJ's opening TD in Detroit and Flash's TD this past weekend has me on the #tankforteddy bandwagon, but I fear 3 wins won't do it. Two versus the Pack (its MY dream!) and one trip-fall into a victory late in the season.

1 year ago on Vikings Work Hard to Join Pantheon of 0-2 Teams

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@PJD @Hammy1724 Haha... ONLY in the absence of Shirtless Vikings!

1 year ago on PJD's Game Two Recap: Vikings Gonna Vike

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You used the words "just.... enough.... snatch.... jaws" in a sentence (yes... there were other words in there.  Whatever.)  And that made me instantly think of "runnin' through the okra patch" - WHICH... made me smile.

After that performance, that's exactly what is needed!  AND MORE DICK JOKES!!!

1 year ago on PJD's Game Two Recap: Vikings Gonna Vike

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"Ponder, dumps it off to Line in the backfield and he is stuffed for a two yard loss on the play. Do you hear the crowd? Those Vikings fans aren't whining, folks, they're 'Liiiiiiiiiine-ing'. Wait. Maybe not."

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Preseason Game 3 Recap: Thinking Up All the Excuses

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@DavidRandallHowleII Aaaaand... there it is.

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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Ponder is beyond awful.  I'm sure he's a nice fella.  And I hope he and Samantha live a long happy life with great-great-great-grandchildren named Cordarrelle.  But I don't want to ever see him on the field ever again.

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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OK.  I love Kluwe, and I hate that he's a Raider.  But that was a great punt.

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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@PJD @Hammy1724 hahaha.  I'm not ready for liquid suicide, but it's pretty bad.  Well, that and I'd have to have suicide by Bud Light.  And that's not easy at all.

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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I keep telling myself that because it's the preseason, Frazier and the coaching staff are experimenting with things that they wouldn't DREAM of doing during the regular season.  Right?  Umm.. right?

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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@PJD @Hammy1724 Especially in the suburbs.  They're big on that.

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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@PJD @Hammy1724 And the Bucs had a pretty respectable offensive team.  But I get it with BraJo at QB... not exactly Montana

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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@PJD @Hammy1724 Just learned this.  Randall Cunningham was on that Ravens team.  I'll be damned.  Lots of ex-Vikes on that team, obviously including Billick.

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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Why, yes, Al.  My Great-Great-Great-Grandfather Cordarrelle is the person for whom I am named.

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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Al Michaels didn't really ask Patterson if Cordarrelle was a family name, did he?

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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Has a team ever won a Bowl strictly on the merits of their Defense alone?  Because that would give me a slight Purple Chub.  But as of now, it's overcooked pants pasta.

1 year, 1 month ago on PJD's Game Thread: Vikings vs. 49ers Prime Time Tease

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"mixed emotions. thats pretty funny but im a big on faith. i dont really like to be called purple jesus because there's only one. i get what theyre sayin though"

That's right big fella. There is only one. And he's purple. The other one will never bring us a Super Bowl title no matter how many times I leave him milk and cookies on his birthday!

1 year, 1 month ago on Adrian Peterson Answered Our Question in a Reddit AMA

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Prof X Twerkin... LMAO

1 year, 1 month ago on LOLVikes at Training Camp 2013

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#dickjokes

1 year, 1 month ago on KARE 11 Gets Frisky During Vikings Game Coverage

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Honestly, I was choked up.

1 year, 1 month ago on KARE 11 Gets Frisky During Vikings Game Coverage

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At first, it went right over my head. Then, when I realized what was in front of me, I dropped to my knees, mouth wide open, in total disbelief! The rest of the night, their home coverage grabbed me by the ears and held me tight, until it was seemin' like their informative broadcasting was coming out my nose!

1 year, 1 month ago on KARE 11 Gets Frisky During Vikings Game Coverage

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Was wondering the same thing! If there's an extra spot I'd be interested!

1 year, 1 month ago on View Looking In: 2013 Minnesota Vikings Fantasy Football Outlook

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What in the name of Phil Knight am I doing wearing Nike? Somebody find me some K-Swiss before I impregnate your ass muscles!!

1 year, 1 month ago on Matt Cassel Brings Discernible Talents to the Vikings

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Ya know... every few years the stars align for this franchise and hope springs. This feels like one of those years. I've already begun to prepare for the inevitable taint punch.

1 year, 2 months ago on So That Percy Harvin Trade Seems to be Working Out

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Uhhh... What are dry rice noodles?

1 year, 2 months ago on So That Percy Harvin Trade Seems to be Working Out

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Although I'll temper my enthusiasm by saying that after three days, there should be at least ONE Shirtless Viking pic.

1 year, 2 months ago on Training Camp Access Day 3

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Love it!!  Honestly, when people make fun of offseason/training camp coverage I'm with them.  Because 95% of the coverage is of the "What was Jared Allen up to this offseason, and what does he expect for this season?" variety.  And really, who cares about any of that?  I'm really digging the coverage of the "other guys" on the team.  Good Work!

1 year, 2 months ago on Training Camp Access Day 3

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How does she feel about d*ck jokes?

1 year, 2 months ago on 2013 Vikings Training Camp Coverage - (For The Real Vikings Fan)

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Did Rodgers really go "cable sports" on us?? In the words of Chris Rock... "THE MEEEEEDDIIIIIIIAAAA!!"

1 year, 2 months ago on Aaron Rodgers Supports Cheating, is a Horrible Person

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Maybe this is something we need to slowly slide our way in to.  Perhaps "shirtless" is too much sausage in the mouth at one time .  We need something in to which we can really throw our fists!  Maybe the team could satisfy our needs with some pictures of the fellas in, say, a nice fishnet top?  Or perhaps a leather vest and assless chaps?  I'd double over standing with my head pressed to my knees in a fit of joy for something like that!  

1 year, 2 months ago on 2013 Vikings Cheerleaders Swimsuit Calendar Suspiciously Absent of Shirtless Men

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