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Um, nice try but no. Folks around here don't care too much about I don't know what to call it without insulting someone, somewhere. 


On that note, I'm reading Off the Books: The Underground Economy of the Urban Poor and it makes a point of highlighting the fact that most politicians, citizens and police can at one time or another be accused of dealing with shady people for reasons both legal and illicit (but not necessarily illegal) since society is made up of a chain of associations up and down the food chain of power. 



In other words, who ain't got 'ish to hide out here......? If the walls could talk.... :) 

1 week ago on BB&W Blogger, “Zac”: Al Sharpton Snitched for the Mob?! Please, Sweet Black Baby Jesus Let This Be True.

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@Brenda55  I think men in general have nice legs. I do love me some legs. 


The Commando part is totally skeevy to me. I do not want to be in close proximity to any strange man's junk. 




Paint me conservative, I say. 

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Where the Guys Are: New York City Version

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@SirLoinDeBeef  I'm finding Brooklyn to be the 1st cousin of Northern, New Jersey. 


With that being said, I do enjoy rural space, nature, quiet and serenity. I also appreciate transportation conveniences, lots of diversity and the night life. 

I do daydream of a spansive house with a porch swing and a bird feeder. This may be motivating me to try harder for that... 


Hate Manhattan during daylight for sure, always have. 

I saw your kilt skills, Sir. 

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Where the Guys Are: New York City Version

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@Postracialist  I totally included things that would be fun to do even if there aren't men around that interest the readers. I would go check out a Latino film festival just to rub some culture on myself.


But...there's nothing wrong with wearing a pretty shade of did lips and those awesome jeans capped off with a lovely 'fro. 


:) 

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Where the Guys Are: New York City Version

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Okay... so, um. y'all saying that's a go or nah? 


I'm down....I think... but I bet the picture doesn't reflect the class after this article has been written. 

3 weeks ago on I Love Yoga, But I’ll Keep My Clothes On, Thankyouverymuch!

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@kemba1248 Might want to work on those trust issues there, babe. 


What does his putting in work look like? Don't be the chick that causes men to slit their own throat and you still aren't convinced. 


That's no fun. :)

3 weeks, 4 days ago on Surrender Versus Submission: What You Don’t Know Might Hurt You

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@kemba1248  I don't know what others do. I hold back nothing from anyone at any time. It works for me. Part of the fear of intimacy is the fear of rejection and the hope of acceptance. 


How does one hold back and give of themselves at the same time? I never understood couples who have no intimacy between them. I know secrets that your spouse doesn't. 

You face the fear of rejection whether you hold back or whether you give up parts of you (progressively) so you may as well be authentic from the start. The risk is the same either way, isn't it? 


If the person is showing themselves to be genuine then the issue would be in your apprehension and no one can MAKE you trust, it must be a choice. 


Hope that made sense. 

3 weeks, 4 days ago on Surrender Versus Submission: What You Don’t Know Might Hurt You

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I wrote this sooo long ago... Cringing at the format now. :) 

3 weeks, 5 days ago on Active Voice…..

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@Savannah1812 @tracyreneejones @So MnM12  I get that, I really do. I also know she's pulling a paycheck, and doesn't seem to be as 5-minutes as was previously thought. 


Reality shows aren't reality so I keep my personal opinion of television folks neutral. 

3 weeks, 5 days ago on Big, Bold and Beautiful: I’m Loving NeNe Leakes on Season 18 of DWTS

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@SirLoinDeBeef  Thanks for including a link to a post to that clearly explains how men don't want to be bothered with women. 


That really made folk's day, I'm sure. Why sabotage and be so pessimistic? It benefits no one here. 

3 weeks, 6 days ago on Surrender Versus Submission: What You Don’t Know Might Hurt You

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@kemba1248  What would make you think that he's not going to, or has no intention of surrendering. By treating you differently than he would another, or by his putting forth the effort of getting to know you, is he not also surrendering..?



3 weeks, 6 days ago on Surrender Versus Submission: What You Don’t Know Might Hurt You

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*backs out the thread* I'll have none of this fu*kery, Ma'am...

3 weeks, 6 days ago on OMG No Words. (NSFW) Well…Maybe This Could Encourage Thug-Love Down Lows to Come On Out.

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@BWC  " I'm social media illiterate." Not so illiterate. You find your way in here to give me a hard time with my words...


*hugs* Would love to see your writing and I'm more than happy to help you get to Tumblr-ing if you so desire. 

3 weeks, 6 days ago on Surrender Versus Submission: What You Don’t Know Might Hurt You

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@Swirlgirl28  "it's also about ALLOWING a man to prove his ability to take care of you"


And for that you'll have to put yourself out there, and also realize a person not pleasing you (that queasy feeling/apprehension/intuition) is a reflection of them, and not you. 

Have I been stuck somewhere waiting for someone who came exceptionally late and not apologetic enough? Yup. 

Have I been stood up on dates? Of course. 


Have I been just ratchet wrong in my opinion of a man? Too many times to count. 


And so you continue on in life, and then suddenly you find someone worthy of surrender. I'm glad you are being optimistic about meeting that special person. 


*hugs* over the breakup...chile, bye. Its Spring, who needs a man when it's warm outside. You good... 

3 weeks, 6 days ago on Surrender Versus Submission: What You Don’t Know Might Hurt You

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@BWC  "Just because you are 'volunteering' doesn't mean you are sharing in control of the situation."


Nope. Sorry, the volunteering part means that the person IS sharing control of the situation. (Or is this like once you  go black, you can never go back?) :) 


This context is not specifically romantic, which is where I used the example of friendship AND dating to show that surrendering is very much a chosen action and there is always the opportunity to say no, submission does not seem to leave that option. 



3 weeks, 6 days ago on Surrender Versus Submission: What You Don’t Know Might Hurt You

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@Tammy_Ghalden  Oh.... you are grinding my gears by mentioning these folks...


Makes my skin itch. I'm aware of their book, their followers and the amount of parents that follow their model of parenting. 


And the amount of children that have died. *heavy sigh* 

4 weeks ago on DISGUSTING! Father Beats 13 Year-Old Girl, Mother Watches, Records and Calls Her Daughter a B*tch

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@So MnM12  I think the judges told her to give up even more (but that may just be so she can show off before she's voted off). 


Either way, as far as aesthetics go, she's awesome. 

4 weeks ago on Big, Bold and Beautiful: I’m Loving NeNe Leakes on Season 18 of DWTS

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@Madame Baudelaire  I'm discussing the woman's dancing and how she appears as far as her fashion and style are concerned. 


A person doesn't have to agree with another person's lifestyle in order to be able to identify points in which they are doing something useful that may be beneficial to oneself if they adopted certain techniques. 


Pedestal....? For fashion style, for a black woman who isn't petite and demure, yes, she's a great example. 


4 weeks ago on Big, Bold and Beautiful: I’m Loving NeNe Leakes on Season 18 of DWTS

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@Oaktown Paul Yes, to all of that. 


Except, the subject of my inner knowledge of men comes from white/asian/latino men and not black men. 


Strange now that I'm thinking about it. 

Black men value me because I'm feminine (when I'm being fem) and certain others didn't care about my outside mode of dress (still a woman behind closed doors) and it's almost understandable that women don't walk around Blackistan wearing frilly dresses. 


(side note: going thru my clothes, I have an excessive amount of army fatigue clothing and boots. Almost like a soldier uniform with survival gear that I wear subconsciously) 


The majority of men I speak of are non-black. I get to hear a lot of intimate information through my work and from the fact that I've been friends and co-worker with males more often than females. 

You guys are a hoot, man...

If women only knew. 


Totally agree with authentic versus unauthentic. Some women just don't understand what being feminine is internally, they just wish to display femininity and hope that's good enough. 


I think authentic is the way to go, because anything else is like wearing a mask. 



4 weeks, 1 day ago on Femininity Series, Part One: “What Does It Mean to Be Feminine, and How Does That Affect Attraction?”

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@Ariesgirl1418 @Oaktown Paul  @Keioni  


" I would rather date a woman who has kids, the man left them she's is struggling to pay her rent, than date a  woman who so called has it together","


They want to be NEEDED and not WANTED because WANTED requires more effort than just paying bills, not cheating and doing other distasteful things. 

A man willing to be wanted understands that the relationship takes the effort of two people who choose to be together. 

I said on the other thread, certain men will be willing to have a woman in whatever capacity he can. That says so much about his self esteem, fair trade and not an equal. 

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Femininity Series, Part One: “What Does It Mean to Be Feminine, and How Does That Affect Attraction?”

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@Dandelion100 I LOVE Drag Race because it's more about performance art to me then gender and sexuality. 


I am so crushing on Raja, as a male and a female and BeBe Zahara Bene, and don't get me started on Loretta Cox from OITNB. 


Engaging 'what is feminine' and then the ability to adapt it and convey it is amazing to me. 


I see more acting than anything, costume design and performance, those are my loves. 

PS.. RuPaul is an awesome person in person.. very encouraging, very humble, and so very like his character, radiant, even as a man. With the BADDEST paid of Gucci loafers I've ever laid eye on, I sweartagawd .

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Femininity Series, Part One: “What Does It Mean to Be Feminine, and How Does That Affect Attraction?”

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@mim86 Chile.... there is so much more to say about this but....we're gonna try to figure out the beginning and then start from there. 


Quiet as it's kept.. I can go from one extreme (butchy) to the other (stiletto diva) and I attract a different set of men regardless. 


I cut my hair to my scalp versus growing my hair and leaving it wild and uncombed versus my hair blown straight and 'under control'...still had male attention, still three different sets of people. 


As a dancer, I would see no thick girls on the stage and I would get on the stage, half of the men in the audience would scowl and leave, and another set of men would come running to take those empty seats with a look of relief on their faces. 


Tall, short, wide. 


I know a guy who loves cross eyed girls. I know a man who admitted to loving a woman who wouldn't let him 'get away with his 'ish', (he's a very wealthy angel investor). 


The only time being feminine sucks is when you are doing it for reasons other than your own. 


Being a woman is about having the ability to use the tools of perception (like skin color), I give you what I need to give in order for me to obtain the rewards of that rung of the ladder. 


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....choose a holder and get on with it, I say! 

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Femininity Series, Part One: “What Does It Mean to Be Feminine, and How Does That Affect Attraction?”

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Some folks are struck in their understanding of very rigid gender roles and I would warn any reader here from investing too much value into these definitions. Human and interpersonal relationships involve a host of various dynamics. 


Much of the confusion comes from things not being 'the way they're supposed to be' without acknowledging that there is no ONE way and that things are SUPPOSED to be a certain way. 


Each person is unique and its these sets of variables that sets one from another when it comes to competing. 


What of the women who are not 'girly', I observe plenty who are married and mothers. How does one explain that? 


If femininity is so dam valuable then please tell me why there is such a curiosity and male interest in Lesbians...? Okay then...


There are men who like their women very petite and small without hips and long hair (kinda like a prepubescent boy but you didn't hear that from me). 


And then there are those men who love a woman for being 'so strong' and I keep those kinds around because I am strong tho I've no interest in 'leading' a relationship. I like men stronger than me, not weaker and seeking a savior (yuck!). 


There is no spoon, folks. Only action and reaction, and things that are comforting and familiar to us, which might make things clearer. 


And men are attracted to the opposite of right... Being UN-feminine does not mean that you won't find a mate, that's gender role boogey man talk or just ignorance, can't call it. 





4 weeks, 1 day ago on Femininity Series, Part One: “What Does It Mean to Be Feminine, and How Does That Affect Attraction?”

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@Christelyn  I get confused with the femininity conversation because it's so black and white. Not all women are feminine and not all men want feminine women. 


I know the women need to find their place, and then they can consider additional modes of expression but I've been turning this over in my head too. 


There are butch dykes that give off femininity, and there are cross dressing men that give off femininity (Hello Rupaul). I think both males and females have aspects of each gender. 


Some men like masculine features in a woman; and those men aren't necessarily 'feminine' behaving men and not gay either. 


Gender roles are only a way of presenting to society and they may or may not have anything to do with the person's feelings on the inside. 


Femininity, to me, is a tool. Femininity, to me, is also a way of being. I'm a 'girl' and so are you, but being a 'girl' has nothing to do with diminishing our womanhood, it's a way of presentation. That's it. 


I do think calling femininity 'energy' is more useful than describing it as a thing to 'do' instead of something that is conveyed through actions and dress. 


Femininity has nothing to do with submission, I think that's the male version that's been circulating. 


While studying Wicca, I loved the point of view that women were to be put on pedestals and it is the males that are lucky to be in her presence and it is HE who submits. 


I actually think the women who keep men chasing them follow this dynamic. The women who are seeking men feel strange because they are identifying the man that they will be expected to submit to instead of his finding, and winning the opportunity to be with her. 


My superior strength comes from my femininity, female-ness, and I only give myself to those men worthy of having me. 


Submission does have to do with trust. I love nothing more than being in the care of a man whom I know can and will take care of me as good or better than the mode in which I would care for myself. 


Healthy submission isn't a choice, it's a feeling, it's a reward. I know when I am going to proceed with a man based on how I observe his ABILITY and WILLINGNESS to honor and care for me. 


Otherwise, I'm just going thru the motions, he's not worthy of THAT part of my consideration. 


I think men do pursue women for what I call 'the authentic sigh' which is synonymous of an eager, and earnest display of gratitude, appreciation and want. It's the difference between just sex, and making love. 


Two different approaches to femininity, both as a prize, one as a gift given at will and the other a gift given under duress. 

4 weeks, 1 day ago on Femininity Series, Part One: “What Does It Mean to Be Feminine, and How Does That Affect Attraction?”

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@Ariesgirl1418 @Christelyn  What in the world are you saying...? 


You were hard headed, with parents who cared and reprimanded you with beatings, yet you still went and did what you did but you are 'okay'.... 


You say you know kids who were not beaten/reprimanded and they do what they do and they should have been beaten and then they would grow up to be productive 'okay' citizens. 


I'm so confused. And you do know that your personal observations of who did and did not get beat means that you were that fly on the wall of everybody and you know these things. 


In and out of jail and sold their bodies...yeah, that's what spoiled kids do every day in Blackistan, do you honestly think it's that simple? 

1 month ago on DISGUSTING! Father Beats 13 Year-Old Girl, Mother Watches, Records and Calls Her Daughter a B*tch

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Chile bye with the Ikea couch therapy and celebrating madness and dysfunction. 


Those that turned out 'okay' are only showing testament to the ability of humans to overcome obstacles and dire circumstances. 


And 'okay' is a liberal ass term if ever there was one.... who is okay? Raise ya hand so I can see you? Yeah, now let me be a fly on your wall for a day or two. 

1 month ago on DISGUSTING! Father Beats 13 Year-Old Girl, Mother Watches, Records and Calls Her Daughter a B*tch

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@NicoleLittle @plplowden  I really want to debate this fact but I heard it with my own eyes recently (I wrote that right, yes)...

Low down, dirty, dirty guy who could be awesome but isn't...and the pining and whining over 'him' and his mastery of fuckery.... made me so confused and sad. 

1 month ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning

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Okay, Shontay............. Miss Chris is doing the most in the 'kini. I'm see you....

1 month ago on Iffy Belly? No Waist to Speak Of? Consider the Monokini

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Strangely enough, you never see anyone outside beating male children like this. 


They make the boys fight each other, whether or not there is a conflict between the two boys (I get that sometimes you DO need to stand up and physically fight for yourself if you are a male but that's not this). 


I agree with @Chicago404 when she says this is all a subset of slavery behavior. Can't claim that slavery was soooo 400 years ago but it's really not, because the shared collective keeps the practice alive and well through control and abuse. 


I hate that fucking web site. 

1 month ago on DISGUSTING! Father Beats 13 Year-Old Girl, Mother Watches, Records and Calls Her Daughter a B*tch

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I could take the time to dissect the entire conversation and the minute amount of (typical) male push back when their expectations, actions and perceptions are questioned. My focus is and will always be for the benefit of females, my advice is for females, and I'm happy most people made the differentiation that I tried very hard to establish. 


This isn't a "feminist" site, and so I won't allow this conversation to be railroaded by men screaming 'what about me'...in a conversation that clearly defined who was and was not the topical theme. Rebutting what said will be time consuming and will probably sting your eyes. 

However, I do think several points need to be addressed. I know how some of you hate burning brain cells over frivolous things like female agency, self determination and social politics so I'll meet you all in another thread. And I'll be bringing my friends along, too. 


1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@Transigence @tracyreneejones @FriendsofJay  Who gets to deem what is 'appropriate'? 

Mentioning feminism made me stop listening. 


And do to my respect for @FriendsofJay I refuse to dissect his individual incident because this is not about him, specifically. 


We'll not have the #man-trum conversation here. 


#staytuned  

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@Transigence @onmywayup  You can certainly take issue with what I wrote, how I wrote it and your interpretation of what it means. 


Your unwillingness or incapacity to comprehend what was written is not something I can correct. 


BTW...how many men have you dated, and what is your background on the subject? I'm very curious. 


Doesn't specific mean a 'certain' type, and if so, how do you come to the conclusion that I am painting ALL men with such a brush...? 

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@FriendsofJay  There comes a point in time when men need to understand that the world does not revolve around their desires and pursuits of women. 


What, pray tell, is a totally safe environment for women? (hint: there is none)


I believe you are looking at the a gender conversation without taking into consideration what's at stake for the the female gender. Our needs aren't exclusive and the risk to female personhood are much greater than that of any man's bruised ego.


A woman scurrying off to her car wishes to not be sexually assaulted and if her mistaking you (in general) as a bad guy because of random circumstances insults you or hurts your feelings then that is just too bad. 


The issue you are having is you (in general) feeling the brunt of behavior that should be restricted to certain men, under certain circumstances. 


That is both foolish, and selfish, since women are the ones who must worry of the type of interactions they have, no one cares about your hurt feelings (not you, but the feelings of men) since it is men who do these harmful things to women. If you've got a bone to pick then it would be best to attempt to make it generally safe for women to exist, then they would not feel so threatened when you (men in general) attempt to be friendly with them. 


No disrespect, but the example you gave it parochial at best, and typically one time a woman SHOULD be more aware of inviting the attention of a strange man who wishes to greet/connect/compliment her. 

A woman's body is ALWAYS under threat of attack, men don't get this and think things should be more inviting to certain men (that right there smacks of male privilege too). 


I don't appreciate any attempt at my being made into an example of an 'exception' to the 'rule', by doing this, you introduce the expectations of male privilege as overriding my own opinion (which has been reinforced in the comment section) that certain GG's don't need to mate, at all, with anyone until they get certain things about themselves under control. 

My point of contention is when men attempt to step in and dictate to women what is and is not good behavior. 


Quite the contrary, I have no outstanding 'good guy wolf in sheeps clothing' did me wrong type of situation to speak of. I can spot a GG a mile away. 


In all honesty, I think many men give themselves credit for behavior that isn't necessarily attractive, or at least not the type of attractive to get women to respond to them. 


Your examples of the 'hair incident' and your confusion and frustration within that situations tells me that you are also looking to have your 'good intentions' met with a reward, which is a red flag, as I've stated. 


No one owes anyone, anything, and I'm sure some men are genuinely confused about why their innocent attempts are rebuffed, and that's simply unfortunate for them. 


My job is to school the women while they maneuver better partners. Your argument is strictly feeling remorseful now that male entitlement has been reduced to options and choices women are now more comfortable making. 


This is looking at the situation realistically. 


Do you have any idea as to the amount of times women give guys 'a chance' because they are taught to 'give ppl a chance' only to have a wolf take that chance and abuse them? 




1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@mantrid9 And here you go, on behalf of all the angry little mens. Women deserve respect, and respect is not equal to you being considered a worthwhile man for dating or procreation. 



Where do you get personal accountability as the responsibility of the women but not authenticity and capability as a requirement of the men? 


Modern men...versus 'little girls'... your argument is hilarious. 

Continue the conversation with the men of this board. I'd hate to increase your feelings of inferiority by pulling up your skirt and showing the world your pretty little Beta tramp stamp. 

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@sweety5  I'm so sorry to hear this and hope things turn out for the best for you and your son. Don't lay down and get trampled on, do what you can, when you can, and for who really matters, that is you and your son. 


*Hugs* 

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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@mantrid9  YES..... perfect example of the resentment and ill will towards females that certain main internalize. 


Thanks for participating, it's way easier to prove my points when I'm given such awesome examples are your presence and comment. 


:) 

1 month ago on How Self Described “Good Guys” Usually Aren’t Good for You

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