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@LovelyLulu @VintageNarcissa It wasn't easy, I was also very introverted and to myself. I knew what I wanted was a serious relationship so I honestly studied it, researched it. I read books. I watched Youtube channels about love, relationships and self improvement and joined online communities (like this one) about the same things.
I took in a lot of opinions and developed my own context of what I wanted from a relationship and always kept that in mind. Learning about other people's stories and mistakes and learning from them was my biggest take away.
I didn't have that many opportunities with guys and most of them either were not reciprocated by the guy or the guy was only interested in sex so I lost interest in him. The guy I liked before I met my boyfriend, I tried so hard to flirt and let him know I was interested but he was completely oblivious. What funny is I still see him complain on Facebook about nice guys finishing last.
I may have had fate or whatever on my side when I met my boyfriend because when we met he was actually interested in another girl. But that took the pressure off me and I was able to act more normal around him. Once things didn't work out with the other girl he promptly expressed his interest me. He always tells me that he didn't choose me -- that I chose him and attracted him with my personality, and I'm sitting here like what personality?? lol.
I think its really important to not get too down on yourself about not being in a relationship because what you want is not just any old relationship, you want the right relationship and that's worth waiting for. I believe strongly in the power of positive thinking. I tried to not take rejection from men too seriously and tried to be open to new experiences.
9 months ago on And This is Why We Still Talk About Black Men On Beyond Black & White.
@Tammy_Ghalden @VintageNarcissa Exactly. I recently watched this video by a black man who was talking about how black women should just accept their hair and not wear weaves. But then he went into this tangent about mixed women and their hair, and used the actress Tatiyana Ali as as example of how you knew he "had to be mixed with something."
I commented discussing the fact that a lot of people's opinions about black hair stem from the fact that they really don't realize that once black hair gets to a certain length its not much different from the hair of other races of women. So many black women with long hair get the -- What are you mixed? You can't be just black! -- comments, when they are in fact "just black." Most women of other races have the luxury of having their hair be not much different short than it is when long.
But without a length and density of hair to have weight to hang, shorter black hair grows up and out for much longer before it grows downward. Many women who have looser curls and long hair rarely opt to cut their hair short, so they don't know the experience. Consider Kerri Russell in Felicity - a white woman non-the-less. She had long curly hair that was her staple and then she chopped it off for the short and work what essentially was a TWA and it was a huge thing of people talking about how ugly she looked and how it didn't fit her face. Sound familiar?
It's hilarious that you bring up other methods men use for them own hair. You can google "male weave" and see what many men are doing to their hair while that complain about us.
I can say without a doubt that it was never black men in my everyday life that made me wary of choosing a black man as a spouse. I've know crap black men and very nice black men, just like I've know crap and nice white men, Asian men, Hispanic men etc. But in my early years of college when I was still very naive and impressionable, I stumbled upon the many many black men who use their online anonymity to express their true feelings about black women. And it definitely hurt my psyche, being between 20 and 23 at the time - having never had a boyfriend. I went online and every community that had a substantial amount of black men had a majority of those when with the opinion of how horrible black women are. You know the laundry list of complaints, I wouldn't even regurgitate them. And the hate in their voices, the hate in the words made me very afraid.
The hilarious thing is a lot of these men said they were sharing their opinions for black women's own good. So we could "shape up" and then they would choose us, supposedly. But for me it just pushed me away. Having never had a racial preference in men, I simply gravitated toward the men who reciprocated interest in me. I'm in a relationship now, and my boyfriend is Hispanic/mixed race, so I currently have no interest in any man outside of him. But even in selecting the men I associate with in general (as a technology reporter I work with a lot of men and its only in the last few years that I've begun to make male friends) I vet them as friends and stay wary of the ones that don't meet my standard to people with whom I want to associate, and that's regardless of race.
One thing I've found over time a lot of complaints about black women have truncated from the laundry list to a few things. People criticize black women for being too dark and having nappy hair, the two things that cannot prevent and/or change about themselves. Or if they do thats criticized as well. Black men make commentary about black women's hair without hardly understanding the complexity of black hair, without even noting that many of them shave their heads very short in order to avoid having to deal with their own naps. Black men in relationships with non-black women will still get on YouTube and talk about -- my ladies light skin and long hair is why I chose her over a black woman -- for shits and giggles. So why can't black women discuss commentary that is directly aimed at them. If they kept our names out of their mouths we could keep their names out of ours.
Some of y'all are full of it. Because if a man had a gun in your face after you rejected him because he was attracted to the way you look. Regardless of whether you were dressed in a bikini or a burka, you wouldn't be worried about what you did to bring this on, you'd want to freaking gun out of your face. Point blank period.
Western society is hypersexualized.
But. that. is. not. a. reason. to. kill. someone. Point. Blank. Period.
Say whatever else you want. But there is no excuse for murder.
Just before this shooting a teenage girl was murdered by a boy to whom she refused his prom invitation. I'm guessing that was her fault too.
The bible says thou shalt not kill, which actually means thou shalt not murder - do not take someones life out of malice intent. It does not say under what circumstances to not take someones life of out malice intent. It just says don't do it.
People are dead and y'all are really here saying they were asking for it? Come on now.
Don't sit here with a sense of entitlement just because your heart is still beating, because that could change at any moment.
Because if someone took upon themselves to rob you of your life because of whatever *they* thought about you -- well, you wouldn't have much opinion because you'd be dead. But in your current live state, you wouldn't want that at all. And you wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy.
9 months, 1 week ago on #YesAllWomen: Why Do People Feel So Entitled to Women’s Bodies?
@MomofIV @VintageNarcissa Unfortunately no. I do remember I found it, here on BBW, but that was a long while go.
9 months, 1 week ago on What’s the Message Here? He’ll Marry His Baby’s Mom If She’s…
I always wish newly married couples the best and I sincerely hope Kim and Kanye have a long and happy marriage.
But I definitely thought that too - if Kim Kardashian was a black woman and had done all the things she's done there's no way in hell Kanye would have married her to continue to think of her in such high regard. Think of all the men who have come out saying they slept with her first since they have been publicly a couple, and Kanye just sits there and takes it. If Kim was black we would have had an 808 and Heartbreaks Part 2 on the market.
The biggest irony about it to me is people will see black women in interracial marriages with children and still come out of their necks to call her a whore. I remember seeing a blog once by a black woman who has a huge family, about five or six children and all the children were fathered by the same man, her husband, who was white. Yet all the comments from black people, particularly black men, were just spitting vitriol about how much sex she was having and her opening her legs for massa to have all those kids. It's like seriously, we do it the right way and its still a problem, just because the man is not black?
Now I know black women who had children first and then married the fathers of their children, or are still in long term relationships with the the baby's father. Often its that they were already engaged and then became pregnant and decided to postpone the wedding until after the baby was born. So its not that it doesn't happen.
But I also know many black women who had children and it didn't turn out like that. One of my friends' daughter recently turned one and I met her baby's father for the first time at the birthday party. I commend him for being there for the baby, but what he did to my friend is absolutely disgusting. They were together and broke up and then found out she was pregnant. I believe they tried to be together at various points. And she was telling me that she's still uncovering his lies to this day. Recently he was trying to get back with her, while he was engaged to another woman. And at one point he was telling her that he didn't have money to sent to the baby because he was talking care of his mother. Come to find out its actually the other way around, the mother is the one paying all of his bills.
My friend is a beautiful, intelligent, God fearing woman. She's the last person I would think would be in this kind of situation. But I don't judge her for it. Seeing how much she's matured since she's become a mother is inspiring. It's just unfortunate that many men would look at her as "damaged goods" and judge her harshly despite her character.
I can't pretend that I know Kim, but I've seen a few episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians and she was often extremely jealous when her sisters were getting married and having children and mad that the spotlight wasn't on her. Perhaps she's matured since then, but I can't help but note how ever since her marriage to the basketball guy, she jumped right into the relationship with Kanye and the spotlight has consistently been on her.
I dunno, all I can do is shrug. I do hope they're marriage lasts because North deserves a two-parent home.
@Kaiju_Bleu @VintageNarcissa @Savannah18121 Don't worry, this was years ago. I don't watch those kind of videos anymore :)
@Kaiju_Bleu @Savannah18121 I've seen *so many* videos of black men waxing poetic about how they're not going to be raising some other man's child as their own. And how they prefer white women because they never come with excess baggage by way of a child.
@lindsaynagle Your point is valid, but that's not exactly what LorMarie was trying to point out.
Yes, there's been a lot of white female celebrities who have had many, many relationships, but they in a sweeping majority have been with only white males.
Would an A-list white male celebrity be interested in Kim after all of the black men she's been with? Honestly, like not. Would we see Kim Kardashian with the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio or Matthew McConnehey or George Clooney? (I'm just throwing out names, I know some of these men are already in relationships). I mean, never say never but we have yet to see anything like that.
I've seen reports of Kim being with white men, but they were usually not very well known, even if they are high-profile, and the relationships were very, very short. She's never been with an A-list white male celebrity.
@SirLoinDeBeef The general gist of the bible is: don't be an asshole. A lot of people forget that.
9 months, 3 weeks ago on Okay NFL Fans, What Did You Think of “The Kiss?”
She looks like the friggin Cryptkeeper!!
9 months, 3 weeks ago on Ann Coulter Belittles the #BringBackOurGirls Hash Tag and Gets Her Ass Handed To Her On Twitter
@BeijaFlor61 Nope. I quoted exactly what I wanted to quote, just like you did.
I think it was hardly a big enough kiss for all the hoopla. But still, it was very sweet.
@BeijaFlor61 Mark 12:31: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.
This reminds me of a discussion I had a few years ago when I was about 22. I was talking with a black man on a relationships community online who said he never offered black women on public transportation his seat if they looked like they were underage. I pointed out to him that not every young-looking black woman is actually as young as she looks. At 22 I was mistaken for as young as 16. I am 28 now and just last Monday I had someone say I looked 18. I haven't heard 18 in a long long time, usually people now think I'm about 21/22. But that's beside the point. Of course teen pregnancy is not an idea situation, but why have such contempt for black women the you would deliberately refuse to offer one a seat while she's with child because you think you're teaching her some kind of lesson. It makes absolutely no sense.
I remember an episode of the Tyra Banks show where she conducted race experiments. One experiment showed an audience a photos of a black mother with about four kids. The mother was dressed nice and looked normal and did were all of her children, yet the audience all said she looked like a single mother and a welfare queen. Then a photo of a white mother with about two kids was shown. The white mother looked a bit frazzled and she and her children had simple clothes, yet the audience said she just looked like an everyday mother.
10 months ago on Femininity Series Part II: Why Black Women Aren’t Happier When They’re Pregnant
@chocolateadmiral @Savannah18121 I would say chocolateadmiral, purhaps you can start your own group. People do this on Facebook, just the same as there are so many black women hate groups on Facebook, you could start your own applauding black women. You could start a Youtube, or a blogspot or wordpress to collect your thoughts. If you can't find anything out there. Sometimes you have to be the change you want to see.
10 months, 1 week ago on Black Women Who Seek To Eliminate Themselves “Out Of Love”
It's just kind of humorous to me -- people who talk about black people
sticking together and, oh they want dark babies that look like Kunta Kente –
yet these are the same people who will degrade and their babies for being dark.
They won’t stand up and defend their dark babies from being degraded by others.
They will train their babies to hate themselves and continue the vitriol that
is a large part of the black community – and a large part of what keeps the
black community separate.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a black family. Black
love it beautiful. Interracial love is beautiful as well. LOVE is beautiful.
Black women being loved is beautiful. That is what makes me happy. I follow a
lot of communities that show black women in positive situations and it just
warms my heart to see them smiling, genuinely happy, their partners and
children happy regardless of their color. There are many black women out there
living A+ lives because they choose to live them as they desire.
We read all these stats about black women not getting married until they are
old and grey. But every other day I’m on Facebook seeing another engagement announcement,
weddings, and baby announcements, most of them from black female friend from
elementary school, middle school and college. Even women who are not in
interracial communities are not paying any attention to the lies being spread about
them; they are just living their lives because that is their birth right.
I used to be very much solely on the side of interracial dating for black
women. But after really considering it, just as there are supposed no good black
women out there – yet they are everywhere -- not every black man is bad either.
I believe in God and I believe in fate. And I believe that my God knows no
color nor does he judge me on the color of my skin. So I cannot judge anyone
else on the color of their skin. I cannot judge any one for choosing a partner
who is not of the same color.
I am in an interracial/inter-cultural relationship myself and it suits me
just fine. My boyfriend is not white, but he’s not black either. He is
attractive, but more so he is loving, attentive and able to protect me and
provide for me, and has a personality compatible with mine. There is no man
black, white or otherwise that compares to him in my eyes. This is why I am
with him. And I would be with him if he was black, white or otherwise. People
can be attracted to people outside of their race because they are HUMAN. Humans
can be attracted to whatever other human they come across.
What’s interesting is, most black people whose families were directly
affected by the trans-Atlantic slave trade, whether they be African-American,
Caribbean/West Indian or Afro-Latino – are all inherently mixed-race. So I don’t
know anyone can be against race mixing when they is a very high chance of race
mixing somewhere in their bloodline. If it wasn't for race-mixing you likely wouldn't be here. Additionally, even people who are full
blood Africans come in a host of different colors and shades, from midnight
black to basically white. There are black people out there with blonde hair,
straight hair, light eyes and has nothing to do with race mixing.
I will stand up for black women and black men doing something positive with
their lives. I will stand up for anyone of any color doing something positive
with their lives. I will aid those who want to do better and need a little
help. But I won’t waste my time with those who have no inkling of change in
them. It is not my responsibility. I won’t waste my time with those who can
only blame others, who will blame me somehow for their misfortune when I don’t
even know them. There are black men out there who have been the way they are
since before I was born and it is somehow my fault they are the way they are?
No, it is not. They would not help me if I were down and out. They would use it
as fuel for their Facebook groups.
10 months, 1 week ago on RANT: I Am So SICK of Black Women Throwing THEMSELVES Under the Bus…
I love the Nomadia style - the top most dresses look like outfits in Japanese Lolita fashion.
10 months, 1 week ago on Two Off the Runway trends that are so right now
10 months, 2 weeks ago on WTF Another White Artist Who Sounds Like a Black Dude!
@Savannah18121 People think that those two thing are interchangeable now honestly. I remember a few weeks ago I was watching a YT video by this girl who was married inter-racially and within that relationship they had two daughters but now they are divorced. Now the girl works at a bar or something where her ex-husband used to work and some girl approaches her and asked her if she was so-and-so's baby mama. And she was very offended, and corrected the woman and said no, I'm his ex-wife. But the woman apparently did think there was a difference. But the woman explained in her video she put effort into her relationship to get married and she earned the title of ex-wife, not baby mama.
10 months, 2 weeks ago on Eve is On Wedding Countdown to Becoming Mrs. Cooper!
Quite frankly I only hear that kind of talk from black men, "Oh I'll have sex with a black woman, but I won't date or marry one."
I really commend you for being open about your eating disorder Tracy. It's not something you see often from black women even though so many suffer silently. I can't tell you how many times I've seen comments right here on BBW talking about how black women don't get eating disorders. That shit makes me mad. And its things like that, which send black women down slippery slopes... with food, alcohol, drugs, the wrong men xyz. When people are not allowed to open up and talk about their pain, they deflect it else where. And more often than not, regardless of race that deflection is on oneself.
10 months, 2 weeks ago on Tell Um Why You Mad, Hun….
I would say, remember that 6% equates to millions of women. A change of scenery may also be a benefit --- that is something often recommended to black women here at bbw. Look for areas where the mate selection is more in your favor.
Additionally, there's not only black women in America. If you have the means, perhaps look outside of the US. You could also do that online.
Finally, I would say, and this has at least been my experience. You're in the best position to meet someone when you're not explicitly looking for someone. You can always be relationship minded, but don't try to mold every girl you meet into "the one." Men should vet women just as much as women vet men. And only move forward with women who you could see yourself having a future with. In short. Don't try to force it. Let it happen naturally, and you'll be much happier with the journey and the end result.
10 months, 3 weeks ago on QOTW: White Guy Worried He’s ONLY Attracted to Black Women. Here’s My Take.
I read this the other day, I thought it was a great piece, very well written. Hilarious that I scroll down to the comments and the first is a black man talking about - oh well if black women didn't wear fake hair, eyelashes, xyz and weren't this and that and had an education maybe people here would want them. This coming from a guy that when I went to his Facebook page had blonde hair. I refrained from replying to his comment myself but a few people ripped into him soon after. From what I could see they were all white.
10 months, 3 weeks ago on Like, Whoa! Black Women Featured AGAIN on BuzzFeed…But In a Good Way.
This is such a sad week. Domineque Banks or Domin, also known as LongHairDontCare2011 on YouTube also died this week due to complications from Lupus. Rest in peace both of these beautiful ladies.
10 months, 3 weeks ago on Founder of “For Brown Girls,” and Advocate for US, Karyn Washington Committed Suicide, and I Suck.
Is it just me or does it seem like the other shoe is about to drop. And next thing you know black men will be on YouTube trashing white women.
11 months ago on Jennette McCurdy Messed with the Wrong Dude; Hit Show Gets Cancelled After Andre Drummond (Allegedly) Leaks Racy Photos
I will say I don't think I've ever seen a white woman show any kind of concern for an Asian woman when it come to them being with white men. I have only ever seen straight up vitriol jealousy when it comes to white women expressing their feelings about Asian women. I've seen them be quite forward about how much they hate that Asian women are taking all the good white men, the hate how pretty and skinny they are. "Oh they think they're so special because they're "exotic."
So I don't think I would ever believe anything suggesting concern from white women about Asian women dating white men. Not only is the demographic the largest rate of IR relationships, they are also most likely to stay together, meaning Becky can't just swoop in and "get her man back" in the event of a break up.
The hilarious thing is. Women who act like this, the men they want like wouldn't want them regardless of if he wasn't with an Asian woman. Many white men come to realize that Asian women are often far from the subservient stereotype, and they stay with them. So...
11 months ago on White Feminist Pretending To Be “Concerned” for Asian Women Marrying White Men…Yeah Right!
@Lisa_Lisa @VintageNarcissa lol! Yeah I mentioned that in a response to someone's comment below - sgtwillpete saying he was in medial school. I'm like, I wish I had all that time to sit and make videos all day, and I was just an English major!
11 months, 1 week ago on Did You Know? Black Women Are Bashed On You Tube for Page Views.
@Savannah18121 @VintageNarcissa I stand by every single thing I said. The comment has a whole has a complete context much greater that the individual paragraphs. Thanks.
Additionally, you cannot edit posts past five minutes.
@Nippyfan89 This is why you have Tyler Perry mumbling about how white men get the best black women -- because the best of us are not going to sit around and put up with this bs. It's only the ones that think they have no other options.
@Lisa_Lisa @browniegirl360 He used to say when he was first on YouTube that he was in medial school, I'm like lawl! That dude hasn't seen a degree yet!
@TheNoobie I remember this one woman who went by the name Blaque Indigo on YouTube, she supported all those black men, and they'd exalted her as one of the "few black women who gets its." That is until she got into a relationship and somehow an X-rated video of her dancing naked for her boyfriend got leaked onto the internet. And those same black men threw her directly into the fire. About how whorish and crazy she was.
This is definitely not something new. I remember being 21/22 around the time when YouTube first started and black men were already on there spreading hate. I'm 28 now to give you some context. I found the likes of SgtWilliePete, and so many more. I don't really know what it's like now, but a lot of the first black men on YouTube were banned because their content was so hateful.
I distinctly remember this one channel that was structured like a talk show and in the "commercial break" between segments, you would hear this accompanied by a black screen: "Did you know that black women smell like they are on their period if even they are not?" There was more but after that I'm sure I blocked the rest out in sheer disbelief.
I remember video where the guy was talking about how he was out to lunch with a black female friend who went to the bathroom and came out smelling like BM, so he used that as proof of how unclean black women are.
After a while I had to stop watching these videos for the sake of my sanity and my self esteem. I can only say this: growing up I was always liked all different types of boys/men. And though I didn't date when I was younger, I never had a preference by way of color. No black man ever broke my heart or told me I was too dark for love. It wasn't until finding these videos on YouTube, and then subsequently on other online mediums, that I made the firm decision to cut black men out of my dating pool.
The only person I still watch in any capacity is a black woman who goes by the name UHeardMe1stTime, who often debates these men on her topics. She's married interracially and gets a lot of flack from black men on youtube for not backing down when they try to bash her. I watch her videos because she presents her arguments very logically and doesn't come from an emotional standpoint. But its hilarious that the men always come at her from a wholly emotional standpoint and they just sound like immature little pissants.
One of most recent videos had to do with some man talking about Pharrell's new album cover and the lack black women on it (Pharrell says there actually is a black woman on the cover but that is neither here nor there). I didn't watch the man's video, so I don't know exactly what he said. But UHeardMe1stTime noted how quickly the mans "argument" devolved from Pharrell's album cover to how he is not attracted to black women because of their "bad hair."
What's hilarious is the majority of these men are single and from their commentary have trouble with relationships of women with any race. All of their examples of amazing non-black women are always ex-girlfriends. And I mean, I don't even know how they have the time to go out and meet anyone, black or otherwise, with they spend all their time recording hour+ long videos on the daily. The truth is most of these men are misogynistic regardless of race, they just see non-black women as the "lesser of the evils." I mean, we've seen the men who in response to why they're dating a non-black women is a string of complaints about black woman and not even a single positive thing to say about the woman they are with. You get the feel that to them, a white woman's only redeeming quality is that she's not black.
But a few of them are married to non-black women, and I find they are much more mellow on their arguments. The single ones are more more aggressive (no surprise there), which gives off the air and they are simply bitter Bettys. A lot of the negative things they have to say about black women and their perpetual singledom is actually them projecting their unhappiness in their own perpetual singledom. Since these men took over YouTube, how many channels featuring black women in interracial relationships and marriage have popped up? While all of these men are still single. So whose really undesirable? The loving nurturing black woman taking care of her husband and children, or the lonely angry black man who has nothing to do with his time but yell and scream about how horrible black women are?
I know SgtWilliePete says he doesn't show his face because if he happened to marry a black woman he doesn't want her to know that he spent the good part of a decade throwing her kind into the mud. I dunno about you, but I have a feeling karma will take care of him real good.
@Freespirit888 I agree wholly. I don't know if this is me just looking a little bit too deep into this ... and I preface this by saying it is not my intension to invoke any air of ignorance in the 'what are you?' debate.
But Raffi Williams, at a proper first glance is racially ambitious at best. In the right light he could be Hispanic, Indian, Middle Eastern, what have you... In actuality he is multiracial/multicultural and born of a Panamanian father and white mother. Now Panamanians are known for being a population that is largely Afro-Latino, but for all intents and purposes, he actually is not 'black' or 'African American' as the terms are most commonly used in this country.
I'm just pointing it out. And whatever he identifies as is absolutely fine, but it is quite interesting how the right side is exalting him as this black man so horribly wronged, by a black woman none the less. Now I'm not saying what Jamilah Lemieux did was right. I'm saying this 'we play with all the colors in the crayon box' persona isn't fooling anyone.
Especially considering how the our similarly multiracial president is treated by the right side. How horribly disrespected he is by the right side. How they hardly believe he earned the degrees he earned or that he was even born on American soil. Where is there sense of diversity in that term?
I mean, the whole point of America is that supposed to be everyone regardless of their background is free to uphold the believes they choose,but it is just a little more than coincidental that conservative don't hesitate to throw anyone with a natural tan to the forefront to represent their diversity, when out of the public eye they don't hesitate to show how uncomfortable they are around anyone largely different from them.
I remember once winning free VIP box seat tickets to a Yankee's game, the contest was hosted by Fox Family Weekend, which I attended with a black female friend, a white male co-worker and his Asian friend. I got into it with a white man who was upset at my choice of words (which were not even directed at him). But he proceeded to -- once I had left the area, only address my white male friend -- and say “If I were to say something racist or homophobic you wouldn’t like that.” He then proceeded to say "I don't even know what you're here, you don't look like Fox fans to me."
You can take away from that what you wish, but I imagine at first glance the man would not peg Raffi Williams as a Fox fan either.
11 months, 1 week ago on My Take on the Jamilah Lemieux Liberal vs. Conservative Kerfuffle
@Savannah1812 @kia I totally agree. I mean, you can find those white men who have similar negative views about white women that black men have about black women. But if is definitely a minority. You will find these websites in the dark enclaves of the internet where white men talk about how American white women are gold diggers with too much attitude and too independent, and the solution is to date a foreign woman -- either Eastern European of some sort, or Asian. I even read one blog post once that was like - white men should to to remote tribal areas to find a brown wife, and then establish themselves and king of the savages, so to speak. But the point is, how many times do you actually find men with such attitudes unless you're intently looking for them? With black men, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting one whose color struck by lightness or long hair, or only cares about Lupita Nyong'o delicateness when she becomes a hollywood darling, or has the gall to talk about white men getting the best black women when they themselves can only portray black women through the most horrible stereotypes. It's like - you're not shocked, you know exactly what you did, because minutes later it's oh, Olivia Pope is a white man's whore and so are you. It's not exactly to say that a white man has never had a negative opinion of a white woman. It's just these opinions largely do not overtake mainstream society and media as the be all end all of white women. They're out there, but everyone is certain that there is another white girl out there who is not like that. And will protect the idea of that delicate white woman with their dying breath.
11 months, 3 weeks ago on I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning
The whole - oh white men are taking the best black women - spheel is definitely hilarious, because it's like, they don't become the best black women until a white man wants them. I mean, how many gorgeous, successfully, nurturing, wonderful black women are out there, who want black men still, that don't get a second look. But they all seem to only be worried about us, who've done given up on them or weren't event checking for them in the first place. Even those who claim they only want non-black women, seem oddly obsessed with black women. 'If it weren't for black women being xyz...' They say this without even realizing how much more of an insult it is to the white women they're with than to black women. And it's like, if you weren't so fixated on what black women are doing maybe your interracial relationships would be more successful. Even though black men date out of their race more than any others, they also have the highest rates of divorce within interracial marriages. Ironically, black women date out the least, but when we do, when we marry out, we largely stay married.
@LovelyLulu When I first started dating my boyfriend (who is mixed/Hispanic, and light skinned) a now ex-friend, who inquired of his background said in response, "OMG, girl you know light skin men went out in the 90s!!) The irony of it is when I was in junior high my group of friends, which included this girl, were all into the Backstreet Boys and she liked Nick Carter, who is basically the whitest of them all. Over time she became NBABM, but I always crushed on the lighter skinned or Hispanic boys at my predominately black school. Though me and my friends liked white celebrities, even it came to real life, most of my friends ended up being attracted largely to black guys. And I was the only one who had no real preference, I could and still can find men of all backgrounds attractive. But I definitely have a type that I find most attractive. When I was single, in my minds eye the kind of guy I always imagined being with was always fair skinned with short cut hair and neatly groomed facial hair. Lo and behold, that vision fits my boyfriend to a T. But most of the black women I know want them tall dark and handsome.
I used to love Robin and Paula as a couple back in the day. But then they started opening their mouths and I realized that they are both just pretty faces, nothing in between the ears. I mean, it's quite safe to say that Blurred Lines itself and that Miley performance were not his brightest moments. Honestly, I feel like they deserve each other. Whether they actually stay together or split up is inconsequential.
1 year ago on Latest from Robin Thicke: “I’m Just Trying to Get Her Back”
I find people who discriminate on the basis of "black" sounding names absolutely disgusting. Especially when you consider that more and more white people are opting for more "outrageous" names for their children. Even outside of the Apple, Pilot Inspektor celebrity baby names. There was news earlier this year about a couple who opted to have the internet name their unborn daughter. The number one voted name is Cthulhu All-Spark. As far as I know the child has not been born yet to whether or not they will choose that name is uncertain, but the implications that white people can do whatever the damn hell they please when it comes to their children but other races and cullers cannot absolutely is racist and vlie.
The biggest thing is that black Americans are one of the few demographics that shy away from conforming in that manner, which when you think about it is admirable. How many other cultures of people come to America and they have a native name and an American name; and the greatest pretense is having their common name because their actual name may be too hard to pronounce or spell, it may make people uncomfortable. That is all well and good, but should not be absolutely necessary. We learn the names Schwarzenegger and Giuliani, but we cannot learn an Asian, or African, or even African American names? Bullshit! We can learn Russian names with their excess of constants and Irish/Gaelic names that literally look like alphabet soup. We take the time to learn those names, but black American names was an excess of vowels and a few interestingly places apostrophes are a problem?
People really want to talk about white and Latin names having meanings... How do you think such names got meanings? People created those names and GAVE them meaning. So if a black American family creates a name for their child and gives that name a meaning, it is just as valid as any other name on this planet.
Having a "ghetto" sounding name does not doom a child to a negative life. Surely Timothy McVeigh or Jeffery Dahmer's names did not spurn on what they became. There is so much more that goes into whether or not a child will succeed. Last time I checked, Barack Obama was doing just fine. Quvenzhané Wallis is an Oscar nominated actress. Her name is a mix of her parents names, and zhané means fairy in Swahili. The intended meaning of her name is mom and dad's fairy. I've seen so many interviews of hers where reporters try to truncate her name, and she's says no, my name is Quvenzhané - say it completely, say it properly or not at all. I applaud her every time.
Hell, Beyonce's name for all intents and purposes -- on anyone else, if there were no such thing as "Beyonce," would be considered a "ghetto" name. But it is actually likely one of the most recognizable names in the world. It also has a meaning - as the form of the Creole last name Beyince, Beyonce's mother's maiden name. With her family line being all women, there were no males to continue to family name, so Tina named her daughter Beyonce to continue her family name to another generation. Lo and behold, now the world will never forget that name.
I say all this as someone who has the not quite common but still fairly "normal" name of Fionna. I was named after my mother who's middle name is Fiona. Even coupled with my Nigerian last name, people somehow think I'm white. I hear this most often in the workplace. I couldn't tell you whether my name has ever affected my job search; but regardless I have still death with my fair share or race-related discriminations and criticism in a corporate settings. Should I then lighten my skin and straighten my hair in order to make my white co-workers more comfortable? NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!!
As a child I got teased for my name and I actually asked my mother to change it when I was 7. At my school, there were tons of girls name Crystal and LaToya, I wanted a name like that. It wasn't until very much later in my life that I began getting complements for my name, about how cool and beautiful it is. I only just escaped the Fiona Apple/Princess Fiona connotations. I appreciate my name a lot more now than I did when I was younger, but I am still not 100% in love with it. I still wonder how my life would have been different if I was named differently. It did not stop me from excelling in school or work, but because of that early childhood torment, I will always have a personal complex about my name.
1 year ago on What’s In A Name?
@Savannah1812 Wasn't Russel Simmons with some blonde not minutes after their divorce was announced and no one said a word??
1 year ago on Model Lanisha Cole Fires Back On Haters of Her Non-Black Fiance
I absolutely adore the Nive Nulls. I actually learned about them from BBW because there was a story when Audri was born. Kai Kai is my favorite baby on YouTube right now. I can't get enough of them.
It's kind of cool to learn about their age difference because I am also 27 and my boyfriend just turned 25. But we're actually apart my three years because I will be turning 28 in a little more than a week. Don't sleep on the younger guys ladies!!
1 year ago on Check Out this ChoNilla Couple: The Nive Nulls
The child argument is very valid, and I agree with it. But what about the man? I feel like any man worth his salt would not be comfortable with such a situation. I mean, what do you even say to the guy? Yeah... I don't like you enough to marry you or even live with you but I want your child. If I were a guy I would definitely give a woman like that the side eye. I feel this mindset comes from women thinking this is what men want, to not be committed. So they figured they can beat them to the punch and not get hurt. But you'll find most worth while men actually do want, commitment, marriage, kids, the whole package.
1 year ago on QOTW: “Why Can’t I Just Be a Baby Mama?”
Very easy on the eyes! Extra points for the chin dimple :P
1 year ago on Hey Folks, Meet ‘Friends of Jay’
OMG I screamed at the first one!! I would have seriously died if my grandma ever said that to me (God rest her soul). But Bedsider is great. I subscribe to their emails.
1 year ago on Hilarious Bedsider PSA’s Addresses the Birth Control Without the Outrage
I'm really glad I learned about Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie before Beyonce's album came out. I read about her latest book on the New York Times website and I've read some of her content online and watched some of her videos. She is especially inspiring to me, being an African writer who dreams of being on the New York Times best seller list one day.
1 year ago on OK, So You Possibly Hate (Or Love) Beyoncé’s New Album, But At Least You Now Know Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Is
@Alana 2 Frankly, I think the whole West African features thing is a tired co-out. I personally have West African features because I look exactly like my West African father, yet black men in particular mostly think I'm Hispanic or mixed in some way. Men who think like have no idea what's what because they consider non-black women who happened to have West African-eqsue features attractive for that precise reason.
1 year ago on QOTW: “Am I Wrong If I Choose to Never Date a Black Man Again?”
@Shaylah Personally, I would say earlier. Some time ago I heard a song from the 30's sung by a black woman and the topic was how she didn't need a man and never wanted to settle down. Very sexual and a bit vulgar actually. Not unlike some of the music we hear today.
These attitudes were likely always around. But in the past strong black people and strong family units were still plentiful. And in the 70's we find marriage rates were at a high for the last time.
This is the glaring hole in this story that makes me believe its fake: Yes, the woman says she married fairly quickly. But you mean to tell me that none of this behavior ever came up while they were dating to draw a seriously red flag? I find it hard to believe that if he has these deep seeded racists ideals that they did not pop up at least once before they married. The post does not say whether or not they were sexually active before they got married. I feel that if they weren't, it would have been mentioned, because people who are celibate or abstinent and discussing a topic having to do with sex rarely fail to mention that very important tidbit.
With that being said, I suppose people do have personalities that only come up when they are in the throws of passion (or whatever). But if he explicitly waited until after they were married to show her this side of him, then he clearly had some idea that this might not be okay with her. I mean, why would he do that with other black women he's *dated*, but wait until their married to do that with her? If he has such little respect that he continues doing it now even though she said she doesn't like it, what would that stop him from doing it before they were married? That just doesn't add up to me.
What funny about this story is that as per usual, naysayers are using it as reason why black women shouldn't be dating white men. Next to "how can you date someone who raped your ancestors," the whole "what are you gonna do when he calls you the n-word" has got to be the most common concern troll argument for black women not dating interracially. Never mind that just days later, I saw on my Facebook newsfeed, a photo posted by another IR blogger I follow, that had a white woman standing in between two black men and the woman had a shirt on that said "nigga lover."
Apparently its completely fine for the non black women they date to sling racial slurs at them, especially during sex. I have heard several accounts in my day from black men who say they like it when non black women call them the n-word during sex, or want to do some sort of racially charged sex play. The comedian Donald Glover (wrote for SNL, stars in Community) has a bit in one of his stand up shows where he's talking about an indian girl he used to date and one time when they were having sex she told him to "eff her with that n-word dick" and how hard it made him cum. How is that perfectly okay? Not that I really care edgewise, but its just hilarious how up in arms they get at the idea of a white man calling a black woman the n-word (as if they're going to do anything to defend her), but they revel in the idea for themselves.
I've attempted to look at this through a logical lens, but I honestly don't believe its real.
1 year, 10 months ago on Abiola Abrams and Mollena Williams Address Now-Infamous Letter That Called Interracial Relationships Into Question
2+2=fish, okay. I can read as much or as little into this as I want. That is my right. Just as it is his right to spew this nonsense. Yes, love and dating aren't as cut and dry, but in my opinion, if he were all that good, he'd likely be taken by someone already. Or he'd at least have access to enough of the black women he desires in order to not feel the need to write something like this. People who are happy with their situations do not write things like this, and in that context, because they are too busy being happy with their situation. Read into that.
1 year, 10 months ago on A White Guy's Honest Opinion About Black Women...and Their Weight.
@Karla I enjoyed your response as well Karla c: People should in fact be aiming to be fit and healthy. I'm reading this book right now called Eat To Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman and the other day I stumbled upon this one sentence that has got to be the single most motivating thing I have ever experienced in my entire life.
"Do not underestimate the effect of a superior diet on gradually removing and repairing damage caused by years of self-abuse."
I can't read something like that and then turn around and take someone like this guy seriously. No one should be telling anyone that they should use this as motivation to lose weight. You will never catch me taking as motivation anyone whose sole reason for waiting to change my life is so he can get his dick hard. I'm sincerely glad I don't have to. I don't mean to be crude. But with this dude is it clearly what it boils down to. It's not even to change your life, but simply your weight so he can have arm candy and deflect whatever deep seeded insecurities he has by proxy. Yeah, definitely miss. me. with. that!