VintageNarcissa
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This is the glaring hole in this story that makes me believe its fake: Yes, the woman says she married fairly quickly. But you mean to tell me that none of this behavior ever came up while they were dating to draw a seriously red flag? I find it hard to believe that if he has these deep seeded racists ideals that they did not pop up at least once before they married. The post does not say whether or not they were sexually active before they got married. I feel that if they weren't, it would have been mentioned, because people who are celibate or abstinent and discussing a topic having to do with sex rarely fail to mention that very important tidbit.
With that being said, I suppose people do have personalities that only come up when they are in the throws of passion (or whatever). But if he explicitly waited until after they were married to show her this side of him, then he clearly had some idea that this might not be okay with her. I mean, why would he do that with other black women he's *dated*, but wait until their married to do that with her? If he has such little respect that he continues doing it now even though she said she doesn't like it, what would that stop him from doing it before they were married? That just doesn't add up to me.
What funny about this story is that as per usual, naysayers are using it as reason why black women shouldn't be dating white men. Next to "how can you date someone who raped your ancestors," the whole "what are you gonna do when he calls you the n-word" has got to be the most common concern troll argument for black women not dating interracially. Never mind that just days later, I saw on my Facebook newsfeed, a photo posted by another IR blogger I follow, that had a white woman standing in between two black men and the woman had a shirt on that said "nigga lover."
Apparently its completely fine for the non black women they date to sling racial slurs at them, especially during sex. I have heard several accounts in my day from black men who say they like it when non black women call them the n-word during sex, or want to do some sort of racially charged sex play. The comedian Donald Glover (wrote for SNL, stars in Community) has a bit in one of his stand up shows where he's talking about an indian girl he used to date and one time when they were having sex she told him to "eff her with that n-word dick" and how hard it made him cum. How is that perfectly okay? Not that I really care edgewise, but its just hilarious how up in arms they get at the idea of a white man calling a black woman the n-word (as if they're going to do anything to defend her), but they revel in the idea for themselves.
I've attempted to look at this through a logical lens, but I honestly don't believe its real.
2+2=fish, okay. I can read as much or as little into this as I want. That is my right. Just as it is his right to spew this nonsense. Yes, love and dating aren't as cut and dry, but in my opinion, if he were all that good, he'd likely be taken by someone already. Or he'd at least have access to enough of the black women he desires in order to not feel the need to write something like this. People who are happy with their situations do not write things like this, and in that context, because they are too busy being happy with their situation. Read into that.
@Karla I enjoyed your response as well Karla c: People should in fact be aiming to be fit and healthy. I'm reading this book right now called Eat To Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman and the other day I stumbled upon this one sentence that has got to be the single most motivating thing I have ever experienced in my entire life.
"Do not underestimate the effect of a superior diet on gradually removing and repairing damage caused by years of self-abuse."
I can't read something like that and then turn around and take someone like this guy seriously. No one should be telling anyone that they should use this as motivation to lose weight. You will never catch me taking as motivation anyone whose sole reason for waiting to change my life is so he can get his dick hard. I'm sincerely glad I don't have to. I don't mean to be crude. But with this dude is it clearly what it boils down to. It's not even to change your life, but simply your weight so he can have arm candy and deflect whatever deep seeded insecurities he has by proxy. Yeah, definitely miss. me. with. that!
@Lili2009 "He sounds sexually frustrated and hostile."
Definitely so! He sounds like he would flip out if his partner gains even five pounds. That's not love. That's not that type of IR relationship you want. I know a lot of women of all races who have lost a lot of weight, after having met their partners whose support what was encouraged them to lose weight. Not only be better for themselves, but also to be someone their partner is proud to call theirs. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be fit and attractive to have the best chance at finding a mate. But when all that person is looking at is the outward appearance, yes that is a problem. This guy seems petty and mad that the types of black women he wants aren't checking for him. I don't even think I have to mention what kind of guy he really sounds like. From this message I wouldn't be surprised if these women are not interested because of his attitude and personalty and he's sitting there like: I don't know why, I'm so fit and sexy! Yeah no sweetie. You can't give me a lump of shit dressed up in a nice bow and expect me to get excited. Just the same as you can't put a diamond in a dingy old box and expect people to realize what's inside. But, if that dingy box is see through and people can see the diamond inside, the that changes people's attitudes. But a lump of shit is always going to be a lump of shit.
@MySmile I loooove 'Crave You'! I feel like I actually heard the original song before I heard the dubstep remix and I already loved the original! I know 'Cracks' but give me some 'I Can't Stop' any day when it comes to Flux Pavilion. A lot of that is my older music. I am trying to catch up because a lot of my favorite artists have released new music in recent months and I haven't heard half of it. Another song I like in the same line as 'Crave You' is Massive Attack - Paradise Circus (Zeds Dead Remix). I first heard the original song on Gossip Girl and then I found the remix and I nearly died! It's so perfect! And it's got the same mellow beat but really sick drops.
I guess there are a lot of opportunities to see shows in NYC, but I feel like I don't even see as many as I want to because I only see certain people at shows. Like I've been to at least one show each month this year. January was Datisk, February was Feed Me and Zedd in February and Schoolboy in March. It'd be awesome to continue into April but I'm not seeing any shows I'd want to go to right now. But EDC NY is in May and then I'd so love to go to Baltimore for MoonRise Festival in June. And Electric Zoo in August, I plan on buying tickets for that as soon as they announce the line up. But I really feel a lot of my most favorite artists tour outside of NYC as well as overseas. They're always in California, London, Oslo, Japan. This is why I have my goal to be traveling overseas for shows by next year. I mean, I can at least go to Canada, there's a good amount going on up there. lol.
As for the south, places like Florida and Texas tend to have the most shows. The best thing to do is just go to the websites of your favorite artists and see their tour dates. Follow them on Facebook because they often announce dates there before they even go on sale or on their tour list. You can also find out about added dates when shows sell out quickly and secret shows that way. Songkick.com is also good for keeping up on tours. And sign up for mailing lists for like ticketmaster, eventful, Live Nation, venues in your area that hold shows and concerts. Opening your email and finding out your favorite artist is in town is like Christmas morning!
I have a lot of fun going to shows by myself. I keep my drinking to a minimum, if at all, to keep my whits about me. If I do drink I have it way before the headliner comes on so by the time he's on I'll be sobering up and be completely sober by the time the show is done. I go straight home after shows as well. Even if I meet people, I don't linger and chat. And I definitely let someone know where I'm going and keep my phone on me for emergencies. Other than that, I just use common sense and I have a great time. I personally don't approach people. All the people I meet either approach me, or start conversations with me. And I take it from there. I'm actually pretty shy and introverted myself. But if someone engages me I can let go and be social.
@zabeth Isn't it though? Ridiculous. That ish sounds borderline racist if you ask me. Definitely miss me with that nonsense.
@BrieStoll Take comfort in the fact that not all men think like him.
The other day I was watching a video shot by a biracial girl interviewing her white father on his opinion on black women's hair. He told he he likes natural hair and braids, black hair styles essentially. He said he didn't like black women who wore weaves because it reminded him of white women. Does that mean that all black women who wear weaves shouldn't have interest in white men? No. It does seem that a lot of white men that date black women do prefer our natural hair. But for many weaves aren't a deal breaker. Maybe some exclusively like natural hair and some exclusively like long straight hair but they are not the be all end all.
And then you have to consider, we're talking fat, skinny, fit, athletic, what have you and people have preferences within that. One man's attraction might be a size 6 another man's attraction might be a size 2. So anything more than a 2 is fat. Someone could like 6 packs, so someone with a 4 pack is not fit enough for them. I read the other day that that dude who is with Kourtney Kardashian was harping on here about her weight (after having just had their second child mind you) because she's now apparently 115lbs as opposed to the 95lbs she was when they met. This is what I think of when I see PSAs like this. When I hear "men are visual creatures," I hear all they (those particular men) care about is the visual. And that is not a viable partner for a marriage minded woman.
@Beruda @BrieStoll If I had a penny for all the fat/old/gross/undesirable white men I get approached by, I'd be one rish bish! I'll tell you that for sure. But I'm not getting on the internet and writing no PSA. People seriously need to get over themselves. Because you can be fit one day and paraplegic the very next. And that fit girl might dump your ass for someone who can walk in a hot second, while that big girl might see past your limitations. You never know what's going to happen. Roger Ebert just died after being married to a beautiful black woman for 20-years. She was not slim by any means. What she was, was there for him as he suffered cancer that disfigured his face. Fit, healthy bodies are great. That doesn't mean fit, healthy, bodies can't fail you. Most of us aren't living those uber healthy lifestyles that have us looking 35 when we're 70, so most likely our bodies will fail us at some point. And what will this PSA mean? Bubkiss. Because regardless of weight, regardless of colors, regardless of anything, black women who truly want love will find it.
There are some things I can agree with in what this guy says. I completely understand someone valuing health and wanting a partner that also values health. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But there's a few things this due can miss me with, with his approach in this letter.
1. This whole 'men are visual creatures' thing seriously needs to die. People act as if women don't have eyes too. And in the long run it ends up looking like an excuse to be a douchebag.
2. The following quote: "I know you’ve all had it engrained upon your mind that you need to eat and put some pounds on and whatever else your culture has tonight you but listen, your trying to cross cultural lines here, I don’t go to Japan and demand cheeseburgers, I go for the sushi. If you want this sushi you gotta meet me on what I find attractive. My culture values thin and trim and athletic. If this is the culture you want to be a part of you can’t try to force me to like something I’m just not sexually attracted too."
This is so ridiculously off putting, and not even for the reason that most might consider. This part - If this is the culture you want to be a part of - This dude seriously needs to have several seats, because the going to Japan and eating sushi goes both ways. It makes me wonder where his real interest in black women lies. Mentioning porn in his statement, really? Honestly what I hear from this line is he basically wants a white girl with a super dark tan. Dude, you may as well get you a white girl with a super dark tan if you're going to think like that,
I can understand that there are in fact a lot of black women that are overweight. But can we PLEASE stop acting like every single black woman in the country is overweight. Because that is simply not the case. It's not our fault that this guy can't find any of them. Because tons of white/non-black men have no trouble finding, slim/fit/athletic black women. Have you ever thought that the fit athletic black women that you desire are likely not held up on interracial dating Facebook pages and are likely out living their lives, going to the gym and meeting eligible men in real life? Those are the kinds of women that are the most eligible themselves and likely have no trouble finding men in their everyday lives, so they in fact won't be the ones pursuing Facebook of all places. Just like we always say here to the women, you need to take a look at you and figure out what it is that is not attracting the women you want.
So again this just seems like a means of shitting on overweight women thinly veiled as a public service announcement of concern. And not even so, because the only concern I really saw in this statement was to himself. I wish him luck, but honest I'm not surprised that he's single. And its not because too many fat black women that he doesn't want keep messaging him.
And I say all of this as a black woman who is body conscious and health conscious and have a partner that is also that way and prefers his partner fit and healthy as well, just fyi. Because I've definitely been accused of being overweight on here because of my views. I am all for urging people to be healthier and more fit. But this is not the way. This has been the way since time immemorial and people continue to gain weight. This post is likely to have more women crying into a tub of Ben and Jerry's than it is having them jump on a treadmill. There's a big difference between tough love and cruelty. People don't need to be told umpteenth times that their fat for shits and giggles. I'm pretty sure they know. I'm pretty sure if they really want to change, they will, on their own accord. It is no ones responsibility to make them change. Especially for their own selfish and frivolous reasons. It is not any one person's job here to solve the overall issue of obesity, I really wish we'd stop acting like it is.
@CAPT SMOOTH @MySmile I'm gonna have to start waving my lighter! ROFL!
@CAPT SMOOTH I can deal with that c:
Haha, well I've really been into dubstep for the last two years so I've become pretty well versed, or well bassed may be a more correct turn rofl! I more or less started with Deadmau5 and Skrillex and took it from there. But I'd have to say my favorite DJs are Feed Me and Schoolboy (went to one of his shows last Saturday, a-mazing!). I'm looking forward to some EDM Festivals that will take place in my area, Electric Daisy Carnival NYC and Electric Zoo. They recently live streamed Ultra Music Festival in Miami on Youtube and it was insane! I so want to go next year. I've also got a goal to start traveling overseas for shows and festivals by 2014; they're even better than in the US and a lot of artists tour more overseas than in the US.
Dubstep/EDM is definitely amazing to work out to. I used to have a workout playlist and then I made a Dub Mix and totally forgot about my Workout Mix. When I try to go back its just not intense enough. I'm just sitting there like, where's the drop? lol!
I'll give you a recommendation: James Egbert & Schoolboy - The Silver Lining EP, just released a few days ago, it's really good!
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I was reading below, and I'd honestly disagree that most young white people mostly listen to black music these days. I feel rap and hip hop are among the most mainstream music of this time. Kind of like how boy bands and pop princesses were in the 90's. But that didn't mean that other genres of music weren't extremely popular. It's just whatever is played on the most standard radio stations. Half of the music I listen to would likely not be played on a standard radio station, lest is was a dubstep remix to a popular song. But if you delve into other genres you'll be surprised to find that have major followings.
When I go to EDM shows, you can count the amount of non-white people in the crowd with your fingers, often on one hand. And these shows are more often than naught at major venues, sold out shows, or need to get even bigger venues or add shows to accommodate demand.
I wouldn't say that shows are the best place to meet *quality* guys - because its basically a club atmosphere. But at least for the younger crowd, shows, for whatever genre of music you like - are a good way to get out and become acquainted with predominately white atmospheres.
Personally, I go strictly for the music, as I am very happily taken. But I always meet really nice people when I go to shows, usually male, usually white. I usually find a buddy for the night and we watch out for each other. It's kind of strange, but kind of sweet. I like to think that spending time with these guys end up sparking an interest in them for black girls if they didn't have one already. But a lot of them have no trouble in that department. The last show I went to, I got hit on by five guys. I dunno, I think it helped that I was basically the only person at the venue with any kind of rhythm while the white girls more or less had seizures to my left and right c:
Most other black girls at shows tend to be 1. there with their white girlfriends making themselves susceptible to cock block spurned by secret jealously 2. in crowds that are doing the - stand in the corner and dancing together rather than mingling - thing. So I always stand out because I usually go to shows by myself. I was just talking about this on Black Women With Other Brothers Facebook page the other day, discussing going out sans girlfriends in order to be more appealing to the men there.
I know this is the craziest tangent, but I just thought I'd share c:
@DeepWater @MySmile :) Bon Jovi is not quite my type but he's cool with me because we share a birthday c:
@Brice Cameron @MySmile Actually the song I'm referring to is Bon Jovi - Dead or Alive. I'd never heard Van Halen's song. It's pretty good.
ROFL! I'm not familiar with any of these. My current music taste is extremely modern electric dance music and dubstep that have very few lyrics. So unless it's a round of 'name that bass drop' I've lost my knack at music. Though, if you throw in some Back In Black, Dead or Alive or Hotel California my way then I may be able to play.
Recent accounts from Chanel Iman and Jourdan Dunn, two black top models who still face racism and discrimination. One of the articles, I don't remember which notes that the prevalence of black models in the industry has dropped from 8 percent to 6 percent in recent years. So good luck with that international look! She will still get excused if they "already have a black model" or if stylists refuse to do her hair and make up because she's black.
@FriendsofJay @Toni_M @The Working Home Keeper @DWB @Good
"I have two nieces who are Mexican. One has a very Spanish olive skin color and the other has a very indian dusky shade. Both are lovely young women. In an age where we've accepted a beautiful mixture of races and shades, being dark skinned or light skinned doesn't mean as much difference as it use to. Thank God, we're getting over that nonsense. And I'll add, as I have so many times, that the darker shades of women, especially black women, are VERY attractive to men of all colors and races. A man won't deny the beauty of a woman because of her shade of color. Men like women too much to care about that."
I'd bet that neither of your nieces are dark skinned enough to face the type of colorism that dark skinned people or all races and cultures face. Latin/Central/Southern American cultures have some of the worst instances of colorism in the entire world. Even worst so than African American colorism. But that's neither here not there.
I can get the idea of a poor choice of words. But it is still to her fault because she seems to have put herself in this bubble where she thinks light skin will be to her benefit all the time. Eventually, she will meet up with a situation where her look won't be "international" enough and she won't know how to deal with that. She may be lighter skinned than dark skinned black women, but honestly, she's not that light skinned. No one would mistake her for not having black heritage and she's not immune to being discriminated against for it - especially in the modeling world where we only weeks ago saw an editorial where they literally painted an American white girl black and called spread "African Queen" instead of simply hiring a black model. Yes, people may feel shaded because of what she said, she is doing the most disservice to herself.
@Toni_M Both of my younger brothers got their hair braided in corn crows as babies/toddlers. My youngest brother not for long because is hair was just odd and didn't do well being braided. But the oldest of my younger brothers, his hair was thick, fast growing and beautiful. He always got mistaken for girl when he was a baby.
What's ironic and hilarious, but not really that hilarious, is that I was the one tasked at braiding and maintaining his hair and keeping it healthy. While my own hair was permed, jheri curled and weaved to oblivion because my mother didn't want to deal with it. What's even funnier is that his first hair cut came at age 3 when he decided to hack a piece of his hair off himself and he had a huge bald spot right at his hair line.
I witnessed the same thing you discussed with my father and his family. He and his wife have three kids, two girls and a boy, whom I first met when he was about 4 and his hair was cut. His mother told me that she had wanted to have his hair grown out and braided, but my father wasn't having any of that.
@Brenda55 @Jane87 @futureshock This is so true. Note how even the starlets that are single mothers often have their male body guards as integral parts of their children's lives. If not, the "manny" male nanny trend has also popped up in Hollywood.