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Interesting answer from Christelyn.  I'll give the other perspective, because 30 years ago I was "that white guy", the one who dated a black girl because he found her cute and funny and interesting, but who had grown up in a lily-white community and had never thought about race at all, much less never grocked the wear & tear of quotidian microaggression that shapes the landscape of most African-Americans these days.  And that last point is just the point.  It's not too likely you'll walk down the street and have a car full of whites throw bags of excrement at you whilst shouting racial epithets.  That sort of thing is now the exception, not the rule, in this nation whose outward expressions about race are shaped by decades of education about what is or is not politically correct.  In its place, many black Americans face a daily grind of microaggressions which stains the fabric of their lives, becomes a steady presence perched on the shoulder like a little devil.  This is perhaps the hardest thing for a white person to understand.  After all, white people experience petty slights and microaggressions too.  Let's face it, the world is fulla assholes.  But for us whites these petty slights and aggressions tend to stand out as unconnected events -- some jerk who woke up on the wrong side of the bed -- whereas for black people they become the mosaic that forms the backdrop to their entire existence.  Getting stung by a wasp versus stepping in a wasp's nest.


As Christellyn notes, this is related to the subject of white skin privilege.  WSP is another difficult subject for white people to grasp.  I think the difficulty here resides in the way white people are often confronted with the concept.  Generally, this tends to come up for white people as a single, isolated issue:  White.  Skin. Privilege.  As if this is the sole factor that shapes the lives of white people.


In fact, each of us is born with a unique bundle of privileges and burdens.  Some of these will arise from immutable aspects of our physiognomy.  For example, it is well known that tall men tend, on average, to see more economic success than short ones.  People considered attractive generally do better in school, at all grades.  Fat people are almost always shamed.  Etc.  Some of these privileges/burdens relate to socioeconomic accidents of birth.  Generally, kids from affluent backgrounds have more self esteem, get better educations, and do better economically as adults, but of course that presupposes they have at least functional parents.  Some rich kids are born to parents who physically or sexually abuse them; some poor kids are born to parents that uplift and exalt them.


WSP is just one of the sticks in the bundle of privileges/burdens that is the birthright of a white person in America.  There was a time in the history of this country where the WSP stick trumped pretty much any privilege stick in any bundle held by a black person, but that is no longer the case and this is where I think the discussion about WSP tends to break down.  Most of us can identify dozens of examples personally known to us where a black individual has found happiness and success well beyond that of a white person of seemingly equal or even greater privileged background, President Obama being perhaps Exhibit A for that thesis.  The fact that he won re-election despite being generally regarded as a mediocre and/or disappointing president, at a time when the nation was still in a recession, speaks volumes on this point.


However, that also belies the fact that WSP still exists and is very real.  President Obama is a prominent example, but an isolated one.  We can point to others:  Oprah, Tony Dungy, Condi Rice, Kenneth Chenault, etc.  The fact that we can list and name these people is telling; it's because they stand as isolated examples.  It is still overwhelmingly a white man's world here in the US, and the higher one gets up the food chain, the more this is true.  Being a white man imputes certain default assumptions about things like character, value, etc., that others have to earn.


The other difficulty of discussing WSP with a neophyte to the concept is that he tends to hear it as an attack on his work ethic, as if he was able to achieve success by being lazy.  Nobody is saying that, of course, but that is what white people tend to hear.  I like to use the analogy of performance-enhancing drugs.  Take Lance Armstrong.  He was outed as a cheat, and rightly so, but the one thing people forget is that the only thing performance-enhancing drugs do is enable the user to train just a skosh longer and harder than he otherwise would have been able to train without them.  The drugs cannot put le maillot jaune on the back of a Fred (look it up on bike blogs).  The drive to train longer and harder, to make one's self stronger, to be the best, that must come from within.  Lance -- his mind, his body, his will -- still trained those legendary long miles, longer and harder than the rest.  He still powered up those giant-crushing climbs in the Alps.  His legs still pushed the cranks around a million times at amazing speeds.  Without the drugs, Lance would still have been a real contender, a Jens Voigt.


WSP is like that.  It does not guarantee success for every white person.  But it does give a slight leg up to a white person with ambition and drive.


The other point about WSP for whites is the "so what can/should I do about it" point.  "Should I say 'no' to a job opportunity to somehow compensate for my privilege?"  No.  Absolutely not.  Just keep it in mind so that one day when you find success and you are in a position of being a decider, use your deciding to decide in favor of giving that leg up to a deserving person who is not white.  Be that mentor who reaches out and shepherds his career.  Pay it forward.









1 week, 6 days ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”

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@BreannaNouveaux  It was different back in the day.  There was open hostility from both whites and blacks.  "N---er lover" scrawled on my door, social snubbing, etc.  To some people it was almost as shocking as being an out gay person.  I'm now pushing toward my 20-year anniversary in an IR marriage, with one kid just starting college. Even today we get occasional side-eye from some white folks in the suburban mall, and if we venture into the hood we still sometimes get hostility from black men, but for the most part people treat us as normal and our kids have grown up amidst a rainbow of various mixed ethnicities.  In my workplace, the guy with the office next to mine has a black wife and three biracial children, all grown and out in the world, as well as 4 of 5 grandchildren of various hues, while the guy two offices down in the other direction is in a newer biracial marriage with two little ones, a 3-year old and a newborn.  Unusual coincidence perhaps, but indicative, I think, of how mainstream IR families have become.

1 week, 6 days ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”

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Allyson Felix!  Sydney Leroux! Jackie Joyner Kersee!


1 week, 6 days ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wenesday: She’s got Legs.

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Way back in like 1980 or so I was a white boy at college who found myself infatuated with a pretty black girl who resided in my building, which was university-owned and had a communal library and such but was set up as apartments.  She wore her hair in tight corn rows which accentuated her gorgeous full lips, which lips in turn complimented her amazing ass, the whole package wrapped in silken dark brown.  We had a couple of mutual friends and thus saw one another at parties and such.  So I got up my nerve and asked her out.  As things turned out, the date was rather awkward.  It was clear that she was on the fence about whether it was appropriate to date a white guy, and when I kissed her goodnight at her door that night, she said something like, "That wasn't right, I shouldn't do that."  However, the fact of the date registered with another pretty black girl in the same set of buildings, an athletic and highly accomplished woman with a smile that could light up Mordor.  She started flirting with me, and it wasn't long before we were an item.


I saw this pattern repeated a lot in my life, as I moved around to different parts of the country.  Once a black community knew me as a guy who dated women who are black -- as contrasted with a guy who fantasizes about "Black Women" -- it became very easy to meet new black women.


Thus, my advice to you is to get yourself into situations where you will get to know women who are black.  Chances are you'll find somebody with whom you have a few things in common.  Go with that.  Ask her out.  Things will lead to one another.


And take Christelyn's advice.  Be yourself.  Don't be Leroy.

2 weeks ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”

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That's totally awesome


2 weeks, 4 days ago on Throw Like a Girl; Take Your Team to the Little League World Series

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Sir Loin!  My man!

2 weeks, 6 days ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday:Foot Loose

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@Daisy_inthe_Field @DWB  I met Condi once. She's way hotter in person.


2 weeks, 6 days ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday:Foot Loose

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@SirLoinDeBeef @Blanc2 @tonyrog  Wow.  Like we've never seen her before.  Where is this from?


1 month ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday: Looking back on it

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@tonyrog  Is that Janelle Monae?


1 month ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday: Looking back on it

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As Maya Angelou said:  don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

1 month, 1 week ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First

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@bellechose @Blanc2  "A man knowing what he wants doesn't equal having a fetish."  That's a false syllogism. In fact fetishists typically know exactly what they want.  The issue is exoticising or otherwise reducing human women to a trope or a fantasy ideal based on superficial physical attributes rather than taking the trouble to meet and get to know an actual human woman.

1 month, 1 week ago on QOTW: White Guy, 51, Ready to Get His Swirl On…

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It's hard being in a relationship.  It's even harder being in a relationship where the woman has a child or children from prior relationships.


Many years ago I had a long-term relationship with a bw who had a son from a prior marriage.  She was highly educated and very focused on open discussion about the parameters of my relationship with her son (which grew very close and remains close to this day, though he is now an accomplished man in his 30's). 


Later, I tried a relationship with a bw who had three daughters from two fathers.  There was a giant amount of drama and chaos in their lives.  Trying to see how I could slot myself into that energy, and then maybe build my own family, it just didn't seem feasible.  She was sweet and nice and breaking up with her was hard to do, but in the long run I just couldn't see myself in that for the long run.


That's the reality.  You make choices and live with the consequences.  I'm not saying that this woman was "damaged goods".  Rather, it was just too much work, too much energy lost, being a part of her scene.  There were plenty of single women my age without kids and I ended up meeting one, getting married, and raising a family.



1 month, 1 week ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.

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Perhaps in person he's different, but the way he phrases his query ("I would like to find a black woman who I can spend the rest of my life with") makes it sound like he's created a fetish for the "Black Woman" as opposed to being open to meeting an actual human woman who happens to be black.  Dude, if that's your thing, do the sisters a favor, and the white guys who are actively dating the sisters (and in the process painstakingly refuting the stereotype of white guys chasing black women only out of fetish) a favor. 

1 month, 1 week ago on QOTW: White Guy, 51, Ready to Get His Swirl On…

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I felt sorry for her in the Trayvon case, and even now because she still blames herself for the result.  She told the truth, but despite that fact, the Zimmerman defense used her mercilessly in its strategy to demonize Trayvon posthumously.  In fact she became Exhibit A.  They really didn't care what she said.  Their strategy hinged on keeping her on the stand as long as possible and baiting her into angry and hostile exchanges with counsel, who knew that the white jurors would dislike her and would then externalize that same sense of dislike onto Trayvon, the implicit message to the jury being "those people" are the kind that Trayvon was, the kind who "needed killin'".  It unfortunately worked, which was a travesty.


However, I'm happy to see that some men stepped up and are trying to give this young woman some opportunities she would not otherwise have had.

1 month, 2 weeks ago on Got to Give Credit Where It’s Due…Some Real Knights Rode in to Save Rachel Jeantel

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DAYUMMMMM!!!

1 month, 3 weeks ago on Caption This. ESPN, The Body Issue.

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I've been asked the same question dozens of times, and have given the same basic response.  Some guys prefer blondes, or brunettes, or skinny girls, or curvy ones, etc.  Me, I find African American women to be more attractive, and guys are visual -- our initial attraction generally comes from appearance.

1 month, 4 weeks ago on Open Thread: “How Do I Explain My Preference for Black Women without Sounding Like a Douche?”

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Dayum

2 months ago on Sirloins’BB&W Babe Wednesday!!

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He's an example of that sociopathic male personality you have blogged about from time to time.


2 months, 1 week ago on Robin Thicke and His Very Public Attempt to Win Back His Wife. You Buying It?

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Getting burned is a part of being a cook.  I once removed a searing hot (500 degrees) cast iron skillet filled with beautifully caramelized mixture of fennel, onions and garlic from the oven.  As I was lifting it, my Oxo silicone mitt split, allowing the iron direct contact with the web between my thumb and forefinger.  Burned the crap outta me, but I didn't drop the pan.  No more Oxo mitts in my kitchen, though.


Pea soup -- a dollop once splatted on the back of my hand as it simmered to full thickness.  Burned a hole into my hand.


Roux -- a bubbling mixture of fat and flour holds an amazing amount of energy.  I know this from personal experience.


Etc.


First aid for burn is to apply or immerse in cold water ASAP, but as you note tomatoes help too.


2 months, 3 weeks ago on Health Trivia: Why Every Cook Should Be Growing Tomatoes

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I can think of a half dozen marriagable white guys right off the top of my head, without even pondering too long, who would be overjoyed at a chance to be in a relationship with a lovely accomplished woman like this.  Basically all she has to do is walk down the street and open her eyes.  What she'll see is a steady stream of relationship prospects.

3 months, 2 weeks ago on She’s Beautiful. She’s Successful. She’s Childless. She’s Not Crazy. So Why Is Misee Harris Single?

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Been married going on 19 years in a few weeks.  Met my wife when we were both associates in the same law firm.  We kept our relationship completely on the DL until we decided to get married.  I might mention that my wife is a BW and I am a WM.  Our beautiful son is about to graduate high school; our daughter is finishing 8th grade.

3 months, 2 weeks ago on The Great Debate Between Me and Matthew Hussey: Should You Date at Your Workplace?

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Yoga is awesome exercise.  I know of many avid practitioners, but perhaps the most compelling is a friend who broke her back in an auto accident.  Was immobilized forever, etc.  She had been an avid multi-sport athlete before the accident.  Since the accident, she has become a passionate practitioner of yoga and has lived pain-free, in great condition, for decades.

3 months, 3 weeks ago on More Research Proves Benefits of Yoga

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Tell her to show her letter to her father.  It's heartfelt and eloquent.  If he is the good father she says he is, he'll be convinced.

3 months, 3 weeks ago on QOTW: Black Father Blames Himself for Daughter’s Interracial Dating Choice

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You can do similar stuff with spaghetti squash.  Very yummy.

3 months, 4 weeks ago on Paleo-riffic Sweet Potato Noodles with Crispy Sage

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Stirling is absolutely disgusting in every respect, but the girlfriend is also disgusting, creating a horrific disgusting mess.  Look at her, a stunning beauty who knows it, using her looks to hook up with the richest old dude she can find, old enough to be her grandfather, holding her nose while he showers her with literally millions of dollars of gifts.

Stirling is not the first rich sugar daddy she has snagged if you can believe the internet.  Did you note that the actual wife is suing the girlfriend to recover some of the gifts, which the wife alleges were acquired with her community (marital) property?  Really.  The coochie is that damn good, I guess.

This isn't swriling.  "Swirling" presupposes an actual relationship based on mutual affinity, attraction, and affection.  This is an economic transaction, an exchange of value.  If you're gonna be a ho with only one customer, I guess you have to overlook the shortcomings of that customer.

4 months, 1 week ago on My Thoughts About Donald Sterling and His Wish to Erase His Girlfriend’s Identity

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Remember, people are crazy.  The efforts to harm you will sometimes come when you least expect it.  All of the advice is spot on.  I've been interracially married for going on 19 years now.  We've had our share of negative confrontations, almost 100% of them from black men, but then we've avoided redneck white areas for this same reason.  Once you have kids discretion becomes the doubly important part of valor.  Your kids need you to stay healthy and alive so you can be there for them.  Remember, living well is the best revenge.

4 months, 2 weeks ago on Interracial Couples and a Word on Safety: Memphis Couple Needs Our Advice.

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@nofakenamesimmatt It's not the lack of confidence that sets my teeth on edge.  I was there too in my younger years and it took a long time to get past it.  I empathize.  What I can't countenance is the obsessive fear specific to the notion of rejection from a black woman.  It borders on being a fetish thing.  I've dated a lot of black women in my single years and I've been married to one for the better part of 20 years.  The one thing I can tell you for sure is that if you are specifically fantasizing about meeting or dating a "black woman", then you have no business doing so.  They are not exotic others.  They are merely human women.


4 months, 3 weeks ago on A Heartfelt Letter from a White Guy, Wondering How He Can Approach Black Women. Have At It, Ladies.

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@nofakenamesimmatt Look, as a single guy I was as afraid of rejection as any guy.  I have multiple strikes against me in that department:  I'm short, bald, shy, awkward, with eclectic likes and dislikes.  Nonetheless, I had plenty of, ah, experience back in the day.

Being a shy, eclectic, nerdy guy makes it doubly important that this dude get out of the house and into social settings, like clubs or teams, that bring him into contact with women.  And stop exoticising black women.  They're just human women.  Don't be afraid to talk to a woman whom you find attractive, and don't be afraid to flat out tell her you find her attractive.

The best way to meet women is to start with something in common.  The best way to find things in common is to do stuff that you love doing, with groups of like-minded people.

Stop sitting at the keyboard writing long, rambling, frankly whiny and slightly creepy rants about how scared you are of hearing the word "no" from a black woman's lips.

4 months, 3 weeks ago on A Heartfelt Letter from a White Guy, Wondering How He Can Approach Black Women. Have At It, Ladies.

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Black women are beautiful, without doubt.  But this dude needs to get his pasty ass outside and start encountering actual people, not sitting inside with diarrhea of the pen fantasizing.  You don't approach "black women".  You approach a woman -- as in a human person in whom you are genuinely interested.  Who may be black or some other ethnicity, with the important point being you are genuinely interested.

5 months ago on A Heartfelt Letter from a White Guy, Wondering How He Can Approach Black Women. Have At It, Ladies.

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Here's the deal, everybody:  people fart whilst doing yoga.  I know that the sister in this vid with the baby dreads is fine as hell and all the fellas up in here are salivating at the mental image of her posing buns up and nekkid and all, but guys how are you gonna feel as you leer up in that and the poot comes puffing out? 

5 months, 1 week ago on I Love Yoga, But I’ll Keep My Clothes On, Thankyouverymuch!

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Downward dog indeed!

5 months, 1 week ago on I Love Yoga, But I’ll Keep My Clothes On, Thankyouverymuch!

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Big up and 'nuff respect from the Blanc2.  You're following your passion.  Success is a natural result.  But with success always comes criticism. That is true no matter what you succeed at.  As they say, "it's lonely at the top."

5 months, 3 weeks ago on It’s Not Always Easy To Love Me. But I Thank You For It

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Christelyn, congratulations on reaching this step.  I'm happy for you.  You're a modern-age entrepreneur doing all the right things.  You should be proud.

5 months, 4 weeks ago on It’s Here! The First Episode of “Swirlr”

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@girl1015 @Blanc2 Precisely.  He sounds neurotic, or at least neurotic about the fact that she's black.  I say either go for it or STFU.

6 months ago on QOTW: White Guys Asks, “Does My Gorgeous, Black Co-Worker Like Me?”

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Thicke is a plaigiarist, a privileged talentless yob, a disgusting pig, and by all accounts an unapologetic philanderer,  She's lucky to be done with him.

6 months, 1 week ago on Oh Sh!t…Robin Thicke and Paula Patton Divorce!

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All this talk of "interracial" or "intercultural" relationships, but those of us in them know that the biggest "race" difference in any relationship is the difference between the male race and the female race.

6 months, 2 weeks ago on Circles of Support: What Do All These Women Have In Common?

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Any parent will tell you that it is a blessing for the family if the family can figure out a way to enable the mother to stay home full time with the kids while they're young.  Parents know that nature trumps nurture and that, for young kids, nothing can substitute for a mother's love.

6 months, 2 weeks ago on Why Is Everyone Mad At A “Non-Working” Black Woman?

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LOL.  I remember this thought process when I was with my first black GF, back in college.  After that first night, when I awoke in her room and saw the photo of the ex on the dresser and it occurred to me that prior guys, at least one, was/were black.  Then there she was wanting some more and I reckoned that as long as she was wanting what I was serving up it was all good with me.

And that is pretty much always the calculus that men should follow.  Mostly, there will have been men before you.  If you wonder how you compare to them, you'll drive yourself crazy.  If your woman tells you that she loves your body, and that the things you do to her in bed take her places she's never been, you silently thank the guys who came before you for being bad lovers.

6 months, 3 weeks ago on Listen white guys, you REALLY need to get over your fear of the black man’s penis.

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Why not also eliminate gender descriptions.  After all, most "strong arm" type crimes are committed by men, and I'm sure that there have been a large number of innocent men who have been stopped, detained, and/or questioned simply because they resembled a description given by a victim.

Of course I'm being facetious, but to illustrate the point. 

6 months, 3 weeks ago on End Racial Descriptions in Crime Alerts – What the Cuss?

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The woman in the picture, with the locks and the red, she's stunning.

7 months ago on Does This Woman Offend You?

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Exactly what I've been saying all along.  The enemy isn't carbs, it's processed carbs.  The reason "no carb" or "low carb" (such as Paleo) diets work for many is that the carbs consumed by most Americans are highly processed.  Eliminating these from the diet is always a good thing.  Few Americans even understand a dietary palette that includes unprocessed carbs.

For a start, try adding some tabouleh salad to the menu -- whole wheat grains, stone ground and cooked pilaf style, with herbs and veggies, seasoned more with vinegar/lemon juice (acid) than with salt.  A part of the Mediterranean diet, high in healthy carbs, low in fat, very nutritious.  Make the same with quinoa for a variant.

Try cooking a hot cereal that is half steel cut oat and half steel cut wheat berries.

Buy a grain mill (relatively inexpensive) and sacks of whole grain kamut or spelt, and use that to grind your own fresh whole grain flour for making bread at home.  If you have the ability to sustain a sourdough culture, these whole grain flours work marvellously with this starter for breads, pancakes, etc.

7 months ago on Crazy Diets: Two Hot Twin Doctors Put the “Low Fat” and “Heavy Protein” Diets to the Test. Guess Which Came Up on Top?

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Very cool.  Congrats.

7 months ago on My Big Announcement…

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Humans in the paleolithic era lived to about age 30-35.  Birth, early life reproduction, death.  Their diet worked for that short life span.

The health issues that face humans who live to the better part of 100 are profoundly different, mainly focusing around cardiovascular issues such as BP, cholesterol, etc.  The Paleo diet, as touted by the Paleo folks, gets big negatives in this area.


I believe that your success with this program is an example of the adage that "proximity is not necessarily causation".  What I mean by that is that a diet that focuses mainly on fruits and vegetables is going to be healthy no matter what the balance is comprised of.  Further, you have also been focused on watching overall caloric intake.  Thus, your success isn't because of Paleo, it's because of the plant-based, limited caloric nature of your diet.


As I've stated before, carbs are not the enemy.  Processed and refined carbs are the enemy.  In the US, the vast majority of carb-rich foods are made using highly processed and refined carbs.  Very unhealthy.  However, every organized society that has found a sustainable nutritional balance for a life where life expectancy is over 60 uses a carb-based diet, for the simple reason that it is sustainable.


7 months, 3 weeks ago on Nuts! Paleo Diet Ranks Last With Diet Experts.

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Gabby has consitently made bad life choices, and not just in men.  From what one sees in the media, at least, she comes off as a vacuous party girl who is pissing her life away, living off the bling that her good looks can reel in.  I doubt she brings much more gravitas to the marriage than Dwayne Wade.  She's aging well, but at some point age will make that lifestyle difficult to sustain, at whcih time she'll realize it's too late.

8 months ago on While Gabrielle Union Cries in Her Soup, Eve Celebrates Her Engagement, But Will There Soon Be News of Random Babies?!

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I went to the Princeton site and found the author's picture.  She's a beautiful woman with a fantastic smile.  I'm sure she has no shortage of admirers.

8 months, 3 weeks ago on Why Are Sisters at the Ivy Leagues Still Caught Up in the Matrix?

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