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As Maya Angelou said:  don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

6 days ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First

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@bellechose @Blanc2  "A man knowing what he wants doesn't equal having a fetish."  That's a false syllogism. In fact fetishists typically know exactly what they want.  The issue is exoticising or otherwise reducing human women to a trope or a fantasy ideal based on superficial physical attributes rather than taking the trouble to meet and get to know an actual human woman.

1 week, 2 days ago on QOTW: White Guy, 51, Ready to Get His Swirl On…

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It's hard being in a relationship.  It's even harder being in a relationship where the woman has a child or children from prior relationships.


Many years ago I had a long-term relationship with a bw who had a son from a prior marriage.  She was highly educated and very focused on open discussion about the parameters of my relationship with her son (which grew very close and remains close to this day, though he is now an accomplished man in his 30's). 


Later, I tried a relationship with a bw who had three daughters from two fathers.  There was a giant amount of drama and chaos in their lives.  Trying to see how I could slot myself into that energy, and then maybe build my own family, it just didn't seem feasible.  She was sweet and nice and breaking up with her was hard to do, but in the long run I just couldn't see myself in that for the long run.


That's the reality.  You make choices and live with the consequences.  I'm not saying that this woman was "damaged goods".  Rather, it was just too much work, too much energy lost, being a part of her scene.  There were plenty of single women my age without kids and I ended up meeting one, getting married, and raising a family.



1 week, 3 days ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.

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Perhaps in person he's different, but the way he phrases his query ("I would like to find a black woman who I can spend the rest of my life with") makes it sound like he's created a fetish for the "Black Woman" as opposed to being open to meeting an actual human woman who happens to be black.  Dude, if that's your thing, do the sisters a favor, and the white guys who are actively dating the sisters (and in the process painstakingly refuting the stereotype of white guys chasing black women only out of fetish) a favor. 

1 week, 3 days ago on QOTW: White Guy, 51, Ready to Get His Swirl On…

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I felt sorry for her in the Trayvon case, and even now because she still blames herself for the result.  She told the truth, but despite that fact, the Zimmerman defense used her mercilessly in its strategy to demonize Trayvon posthumously.  In fact she became Exhibit A.  They really didn't care what she said.  Their strategy hinged on keeping her on the stand as long as possible and baiting her into angry and hostile exchanges with counsel, who knew that the white jurors would dislike her and would then externalize that same sense of dislike onto Trayvon, the implicit message to the jury being "those people" are the kind that Trayvon was, the kind who "needed killin'".  It unfortunately worked, which was a travesty.


However, I'm happy to see that some men stepped up and are trying to give this young woman some opportunities she would not otherwise have had.

2 weeks, 2 days ago on Got to Give Credit Where It’s Due…Some Real Knights Rode in to Save Rachel Jeantel

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DAYUMMMMM!!!

2 weeks, 5 days ago on Caption This. ESPN, The Body Issue.

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I've been asked the same question dozens of times, and have given the same basic response.  Some guys prefer blondes, or brunettes, or skinny girls, or curvy ones, etc.  Me, I find African American women to be more attractive, and guys are visual -- our initial attraction generally comes from appearance.

3 weeks, 3 days ago on Open Thread: “How Do I Explain My Preference for Black Women without Sounding Like a Douche?”

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He's an example of that sociopathic male personality you have blogged about from time to time.


1 month, 1 week ago on Robin Thicke and His Very Public Attempt to Win Back His Wife. You Buying It?

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Getting burned is a part of being a cook.  I once removed a searing hot (500 degrees) cast iron skillet filled with beautifully caramelized mixture of fennel, onions and garlic from the oven.  As I was lifting it, my Oxo silicone mitt split, allowing the iron direct contact with the web between my thumb and forefinger.  Burned the crap outta me, but I didn't drop the pan.  No more Oxo mitts in my kitchen, though.


Pea soup -- a dollop once splatted on the back of my hand as it simmered to full thickness.  Burned a hole into my hand.


Roux -- a bubbling mixture of fat and flour holds an amazing amount of energy.  I know this from personal experience.


Etc.


First aid for burn is to apply or immerse in cold water ASAP, but as you note tomatoes help too.


1 month, 2 weeks ago on Health Trivia: Why Every Cook Should Be Growing Tomatoes

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I can think of a half dozen marriagable white guys right off the top of my head, without even pondering too long, who would be overjoyed at a chance to be in a relationship with a lovely accomplished woman like this.  Basically all she has to do is walk down the street and open her eyes.  What she'll see is a steady stream of relationship prospects.

2 months, 1 week ago on She’s Beautiful. She’s Successful. She’s Childless. She’s Not Crazy. So Why Is Misee Harris Single?

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Been married going on 19 years in a few weeks.  Met my wife when we were both associates in the same law firm.  We kept our relationship completely on the DL until we decided to get married.  I might mention that my wife is a BW and I am a WM.  Our beautiful son is about to graduate high school; our daughter is finishing 8th grade.

2 months, 1 week ago on The Great Debate Between Me and Matthew Hussey: Should You Date at Your Workplace?

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Yoga is awesome exercise.  I know of many avid practitioners, but perhaps the most compelling is a friend who broke her back in an auto accident.  Was immobilized forever, etc.  She had been an avid multi-sport athlete before the accident.  Since the accident, she has become a passionate practitioner of yoga and has lived pain-free, in great condition, for decades.

2 months, 3 weeks ago on More Research Proves Benefits of Yoga

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Tell her to show her letter to her father.  It's heartfelt and eloquent.  If he is the good father she says he is, he'll be convinced.

2 months, 3 weeks ago on QOTW: Black Father Blames Himself for Daughter’s Interracial Dating Choice

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You can do similar stuff with spaghetti squash.  Very yummy.

2 months, 3 weeks ago on Paleo-riffic Sweet Potato Noodles with Crispy Sage

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Stirling is absolutely disgusting in every respect, but the girlfriend is also disgusting, creating a horrific disgusting mess.  Look at her, a stunning beauty who knows it, using her looks to hook up with the richest old dude she can find, old enough to be her grandfather, holding her nose while he showers her with literally millions of dollars of gifts.

Stirling is not the first rich sugar daddy she has snagged if you can believe the internet.  Did you note that the actual wife is suing the girlfriend to recover some of the gifts, which the wife alleges were acquired with her community (marital) property?  Really.  The coochie is that damn good, I guess.

This isn't swriling.  "Swirling" presupposes an actual relationship based on mutual affinity, attraction, and affection.  This is an economic transaction, an exchange of value.  If you're gonna be a ho with only one customer, I guess you have to overlook the shortcomings of that customer.

3 months ago on My Thoughts About Donald Sterling and His Wish to Erase His Girlfriend’s Identity

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Remember, people are crazy.  The efforts to harm you will sometimes come when you least expect it.  All of the advice is spot on.  I've been interracially married for going on 19 years now.  We've had our share of negative confrontations, almost 100% of them from black men, but then we've avoided redneck white areas for this same reason.  Once you have kids discretion becomes the doubly important part of valor.  Your kids need you to stay healthy and alive so you can be there for them.  Remember, living well is the best revenge.

3 months, 2 weeks ago on Interracial Couples and a Word on Safety: Memphis Couple Needs Our Advice.

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@nofakenamesimmatt It's not the lack of confidence that sets my teeth on edge.  I was there too in my younger years and it took a long time to get past it.  I empathize.  What I can't countenance is the obsessive fear specific to the notion of rejection from a black woman.  It borders on being a fetish thing.  I've dated a lot of black women in my single years and I've been married to one for the better part of 20 years.  The one thing I can tell you for sure is that if you are specifically fantasizing about meeting or dating a "black woman", then you have no business doing so.  They are not exotic others.  They are merely human women.


3 months, 3 weeks ago on A Heartfelt Letter from a White Guy, Wondering How He Can Approach Black Women. Have At It, Ladies.

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@nofakenamesimmatt Look, as a single guy I was as afraid of rejection as any guy.  I have multiple strikes against me in that department:  I'm short, bald, shy, awkward, with eclectic likes and dislikes.  Nonetheless, I had plenty of, ah, experience back in the day.

Being a shy, eclectic, nerdy guy makes it doubly important that this dude get out of the house and into social settings, like clubs or teams, that bring him into contact with women.  And stop exoticising black women.  They're just human women.  Don't be afraid to talk to a woman whom you find attractive, and don't be afraid to flat out tell her you find her attractive.

The best way to meet women is to start with something in common.  The best way to find things in common is to do stuff that you love doing, with groups of like-minded people.

Stop sitting at the keyboard writing long, rambling, frankly whiny and slightly creepy rants about how scared you are of hearing the word "no" from a black woman's lips.

3 months, 3 weeks ago on A Heartfelt Letter from a White Guy, Wondering How He Can Approach Black Women. Have At It, Ladies.

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Black women are beautiful, without doubt.  But this dude needs to get his pasty ass outside and start encountering actual people, not sitting inside with diarrhea of the pen fantasizing.  You don't approach "black women".  You approach a woman -- as in a human person in whom you are genuinely interested.  Who may be black or some other ethnicity, with the important point being you are genuinely interested.

3 months, 3 weeks ago on A Heartfelt Letter from a White Guy, Wondering How He Can Approach Black Women. Have At It, Ladies.

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Here's the deal, everybody:  people fart whilst doing yoga.  I know that the sister in this vid with the baby dreads is fine as hell and all the fellas up in here are salivating at the mental image of her posing buns up and nekkid and all, but guys how are you gonna feel as you leer up in that and the poot comes puffing out? 

4 months ago on I Love Yoga, But I’ll Keep My Clothes On, Thankyouverymuch!

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Big up and 'nuff respect from the Blanc2.  You're following your passion.  Success is a natural result.  But with success always comes criticism. That is true no matter what you succeed at.  As they say, "it's lonely at the top."

4 months, 3 weeks ago on It’s Not Always Easy To Love Me. But I Thank You For It

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Christelyn, congratulations on reaching this step.  I'm happy for you.  You're a modern-age entrepreneur doing all the right things.  You should be proud.

4 months, 3 weeks ago on It’s Here! The First Episode of “Swirlr”

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@girl1015 @Blanc2 Precisely.  He sounds neurotic, or at least neurotic about the fact that she's black.  I say either go for it or STFU.

4 months, 4 weeks ago on QOTW: White Guys Asks, “Does My Gorgeous, Black Co-Worker Like Me?”

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Thicke is a plaigiarist, a privileged talentless yob, a disgusting pig, and by all accounts an unapologetic philanderer,  She's lucky to be done with him.

5 months ago on Oh Sh!t…Robin Thicke and Paula Patton Divorce!

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All this talk of "interracial" or "intercultural" relationships, but those of us in them know that the biggest "race" difference in any relationship is the difference between the male race and the female race.

5 months, 1 week ago on Circles of Support: What Do All These Women Have In Common?

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Any parent will tell you that it is a blessing for the family if the family can figure out a way to enable the mother to stay home full time with the kids while they're young.  Parents know that nature trumps nurture and that, for young kids, nothing can substitute for a mother's love.

5 months, 1 week ago on Why Is Everyone Mad At A “Non-Working” Black Woman?

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LOL.  I remember this thought process when I was with my first black GF, back in college.  After that first night, when I awoke in her room and saw the photo of the ex on the dresser and it occurred to me that prior guys, at least one, was/were black.  Then there she was wanting some more and I reckoned that as long as she was wanting what I was serving up it was all good with me.

And that is pretty much always the calculus that men should follow.  Mostly, there will have been men before you.  If you wonder how you compare to them, you'll drive yourself crazy.  If your woman tells you that she loves your body, and that the things you do to her in bed take her places she's never been, you silently thank the guys who came before you for being bad lovers.

5 months, 2 weeks ago on Listen white guys, you REALLY need to get over your fear of the black man’s penis.

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Why not also eliminate gender descriptions.  After all, most "strong arm" type crimes are committed by men, and I'm sure that there have been a large number of innocent men who have been stopped, detained, and/or questioned simply because they resembled a description given by a victim.

Of course I'm being facetious, but to illustrate the point. 

5 months, 2 weeks ago on End Racial Descriptions in Crime Alerts – What the Cuss?

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The woman in the picture, with the locks and the red, she's stunning.

5 months, 3 weeks ago on Does This Woman Offend You?

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Exactly what I've been saying all along.  The enemy isn't carbs, it's processed carbs.  The reason "no carb" or "low carb" (such as Paleo) diets work for many is that the carbs consumed by most Americans are highly processed.  Eliminating these from the diet is always a good thing.  Few Americans even understand a dietary palette that includes unprocessed carbs.

For a start, try adding some tabouleh salad to the menu -- whole wheat grains, stone ground and cooked pilaf style, with herbs and veggies, seasoned more with vinegar/lemon juice (acid) than with salt.  A part of the Mediterranean diet, high in healthy carbs, low in fat, very nutritious.  Make the same with quinoa for a variant.

Try cooking a hot cereal that is half steel cut oat and half steel cut wheat berries.

Buy a grain mill (relatively inexpensive) and sacks of whole grain kamut or spelt, and use that to grind your own fresh whole grain flour for making bread at home.  If you have the ability to sustain a sourdough culture, these whole grain flours work marvellously with this starter for breads, pancakes, etc.

5 months, 4 weeks ago on Crazy Diets: Two Hot Twin Doctors Put the “Low Fat” and “Heavy Protein” Diets to the Test. Guess Which Came Up on Top?

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Very cool.  Congrats.

6 months ago on My Big Announcement…

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Humans in the paleolithic era lived to about age 30-35.  Birth, early life reproduction, death.  Their diet worked for that short life span.

The health issues that face humans who live to the better part of 100 are profoundly different, mainly focusing around cardiovascular issues such as BP, cholesterol, etc.  The Paleo diet, as touted by the Paleo folks, gets big negatives in this area.


I believe that your success with this program is an example of the adage that "proximity is not necessarily causation".  What I mean by that is that a diet that focuses mainly on fruits and vegetables is going to be healthy no matter what the balance is comprised of.  Further, you have also been focused on watching overall caloric intake.  Thus, your success isn't because of Paleo, it's because of the plant-based, limited caloric nature of your diet.


As I've stated before, carbs are not the enemy.  Processed and refined carbs are the enemy.  In the US, the vast majority of carb-rich foods are made using highly processed and refined carbs.  Very unhealthy.  However, every organized society that has found a sustainable nutritional balance for a life where life expectancy is over 60 uses a carb-based diet, for the simple reason that it is sustainable.


6 months, 3 weeks ago on Nuts! Paleo Diet Ranks Last With Diet Experts.

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Gabby has consitently made bad life choices, and not just in men.  From what one sees in the media, at least, she comes off as a vacuous party girl who is pissing her life away, living off the bling that her good looks can reel in.  I doubt she brings much more gravitas to the marriage than Dwayne Wade.  She's aging well, but at some point age will make that lifestyle difficult to sustain, at whcih time she'll realize it's too late.

7 months ago on While Gabrielle Union Cries in Her Soup, Eve Celebrates Her Engagement, But Will There Soon Be News of Random Babies?!

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I went to the Princeton site and found the author's picture.  She's a beautiful woman with a fantastic smile.  I'm sure she has no shortage of admirers.

7 months, 3 weeks ago on Why Are Sisters at the Ivy Leagues Still Caught Up in the Matrix?

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@onmywayup @Blanc2 Thanks.  I probably should watch the show, but I actually almost never watch television, at all.  60+ hour per week job, a daughter in travel soccer and a son who plays music all over the place.  No time for TV.

7 months, 3 weeks ago on Hilarious Video Pokes Fun of Common Questions White Guys Ask When Dating Black Girls

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Okay, I've listened 1,000 times but I still don't know what word she utters at 1:22-1:24 and of course because of my OCD this is driving me nuts.  "It's because you have _______ fantasies."  What is "______"?  I get the gist of it.  I want to know the actual word she says.

7 months, 3 weeks ago on Hilarious Video Pokes Fun of Common Questions White Guys Ask When Dating Black Girls

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By the way, having not seen "Scandal", I don't know what she says about "Scandal". 

7 months, 4 weeks ago on Hilarious Video Pokes Fun of Common Questions White Guys Ask When Dating Black Girls

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She's insanley cute.  If I was 20-something I'd be all over that.

I can identify with 100% of the points in the video.  I'm sure I faced every single one of those issues back in the day (1981 or so) when I had my first black girlfriend.  WM/BW relationship were quite rare back then.  We faced some overt racism too, such as "n-word lover" scrawled on my door.

I recall the moment of realization, just before sex for the first time in her room, with the pictures of an ex boyfriend (a black guy) in a frame on her dresser, that guys before me were likely mostly or all black.  A moment of intimidation because of my own insecurity and the racist mythology around black men and their sexuality, but I got over it pretty much as soon as I saw her nekkid.  "If she's happy with what I'm serving up, I reckon I'll just go with that."

I have also faced the question from other WM "what's it like with a black girl?"  Uh, aside from the fact that she's female, meaning irrational and unreasonable and maddeningly impossible to understand?  Really, the problems with interracial relationships come from the fact that the two races -- the male race and the female race -- are fundamentally incompatible.

7 months, 4 weeks ago on Hilarious Video Pokes Fun of Common Questions White Guys Ask When Dating Black Girls

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@Conor Flannery @Blanc2 By the way, sister-in-law is now married to a white dude.  And she eats pork.  But not gluten.

8 months ago on 13 Years Since I Cried in a Room…Back Where My “Guess Who” Moment Went Awry

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When I first met my wife's sister she was in a "granola" phase (healthy vegetarian eating).  We had just returned to my wife's place in LA from Versailles, a favortie Cuban restaurant, with takeout containers laden with the slow roasted "mojo criollo" pork, "Mores y Christianes" (black beans 'n white rice), fried yucca, etc.  My future sister-in-law turned her nose up at the pork.  "It's the other white meat!", I quipped in a smart-assed tone that emphasiszied the obvious other entendre.  It broke the ice, we all had a laugh, and that was that.

8 months ago on 13 Years Since I Cried in a Room…Back Where My “Guess Who” Moment Went Awry

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Ask the mother-in-law to describe how she met her husband.  Then ask her to describe how/when he proposed.  Women "of a certain age" love to talk about that.

8 months, 1 week ago on His/Her Parents STILL Giving You Grief? Some Tips on How Not to Kill Anyone Over the Holidays.

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Very sad.  I'm connected to a guy who similarly became a widower and single dad and started a foundation.

http://thelizlogelinfoundation.org/welcome/

8 months, 2 weeks ago on Sad News: Chris Silber, Creator of “My Last Day Without You” Lost His Wife

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Cohen is a bigot.  Period.

8 months, 2 weeks ago on So, Bill DeBlasio’s Marriage Makes Folks in the Tea Party “Gag?”

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