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This was a good illustration. I've long felt that one of the main hurdles in talking about WSP to white people is that it tends to be discussed in a vacuum, leading to the feeling by white people that the notion of WSP suggests that whites all live lives of easy privilege. In reality each of us is borne with a unique package of burdens and privileges. Some will be born to wealthy families with caring parents; some to neglectful or uncaring parents. Some will have strong innate athletic abilities; some will be klutzes. Etc. Some of those privileges burdens relate to immutable aspects of our physiognomy, such as being beautiful or handsome vs. ugly; tall vs. short; etc. Black vs. white is one of those factors, but not the only one.
The concept is more nuanced in 2015 than it was in, say, 1940. There was a time in the US where WSP trumped pretty much anything, that no matter what a black person did, American would never allow him to succeed. That has diminished over time. It still exists as a very real factor, but we now live in an age where we see many examples of highly successful black people in America, all the way up to POTUS, SCOTUS, Congress, CEO positions at publicly traded companies, etc. White people want to jump on this as a sign that America is "post-racial", but clearly that is not the case. America has made some progress, and it is important progress, but we are far from "post-racial".
5 days, 7 hours ago on Cute Cheschleigh Video Explains Privilege Like You’re a Six-Year-Old
Interesting post. John McWhorter (yes, the now-famous author of "Losing the Race" and "Word on the Street" among others) got his start in academia as a linguist who studied the Creole of Suriname. The interesting language patters there match the interesting ethnic patterns. One can see Asian influences in the Caribbean as well, for example the rotis that are a common element of Trinidadian food.
6 days, 7 hours ago on History: Swirling for the Sake of the Children (and Yourselves)
Will your squash still produce fruit if you pluck the blossoms?
Also, I'd suggest some chevre instead of brie. The sharpness should contrast nicely with the blossom and the crunch crust.
1 week, 4 days ago on Gluten-Free Squash Blossoms…a MUST Try if You’ll Garden With Me!
Lol. People sometimes ask me whether I encounter any issues as part of an "interracial" marriage. "Yes", I say, "I find that the differences between the male race and the female race are incredibly difficult."
1 week, 5 days ago on Totally Awkward Conversation with Jay Smooth Challenges Who Has the “Right” to Be ‘Black’
In the words of Dan Savage, DTMFA. There are plenty of cute white guys into the swirl who get it.
2 weeks ago on QOTW: “Should I Continue Dating Someone Who Might Be Racist?”
I'm in a biracial marriage with two biracial children. When our son was growing up my wife and I would wonder sometimes whether he would be more inclined to date white girls or black. We discussed the possibility that he might be gay. We thought we were more or less prepared for the range of opportunities. Then he got into high school and started dating Asian girls. This pattern appears to be continuing in college. He's in an engineering program, which means that at least 50% of his college class, or more, is Asian, meaning that a large number of the girls he meets at college are Asian. Proximity plays a large role in dating choices among young people.
2 months ago on Ever Wonder What Millennials Think About Interracial Dating?
The setup is intriguing and deserves a good treatment in a feature film. Alas, I don't think this joint will provide that. I expect the movie will treat the race issues in the trite, stereotypical manner we have come to expect from Hollywood (can anybody say "Guess Who?")and, in the end, it will be just another "Mighty Whitey" (or "White Savior") movie. The involvement of Kevin Costner reinforces my expectation that I will be disappointed.
2 months, 1 week ago on ‘Black or White’: New Film Tackles White Grandparents Raising Biracial Grandchildren
LOL at southern Californians seeing snow as some freakish amazing phenomenon
2 months, 4 weeks ago on Crazy Snow Day in Southern California!
@Geekette221B Agreed. The guy has issues with women.
3 months, 1 week ago on QOTW: Geeky Guys Seeks Girl, but with Strings Attached.
Assuming the allegations are true -- and keep in mind some of the public allegations have been made by fixers whose job was to pay hush money to keep all of this quiet -- the interesting thing to me is how he who show business/media apparatus conspired to keep this under wraps for so many years. The apparatchiks and cloaking devices are only now falling away as Bill enters his dotage and is no longer a viable money-generating machine for the entertainment industry. There is so much money in that industry, and it is so filthy, that it will stop at literally nothing to protect is revenue generators.
3 months, 4 weeks ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…
Sir Loin! A little cocoa chiffon to go with the beef wellington?
4 months, 2 weeks ago on SirLoins’s Babe Wednesday: Mention the unmentionables
Move on. Plenty of white guys without that hangup.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on On Vetting: When a Guy Expresses Doubts About Interracial Dating…
I've heard that Atlanta is a desert with respect to marriage-minded men looking to bond with black women. If I was 20 years younger and single I'd be all over trying to meet this woman. I can assure you that there are lots of WM who would be interested in her if they met her -- which is the key.
5 months ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
My wife (African American) prefers pumpkin. I (white) prefer sweet potato. To me sweet potato has more richness. Pumpkin to me is bland, to the point where all I taste is the spice, as if the pumpkin is merely a vehicle for the cinnamon and nutmeg. Sweet potato has a distinctive flavor that is enhanced by the spice. At Thanksgiving we usually make both, though I have in some years made "half and half" (mix half pumpkin and half sweet potato). I've also mixed butternut or acorn squash with the pumpkin to give it more flavor.
5 months ago on Is Pumpkin Pie for White People?
Rosario Dawson is so sexy. Not just beautiful, which she is, but sexy in how she walks, talks, acts. As far as fantasy celebrity women go, Rosario is exception 1 to my general rule that there needs to be some serious Gail Devers booty before my fantasy waves start to roll. Exception 2 is Eva Mendes.
5 months, 2 weeks ago on Rosario Dawson to Play Night Nurse in New Daredevil Comic Series from Netflix
5 months, 2 weeks ago on SirLoins Babe Wednesday: Costumes, Cosplay and Steam
6 months ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday: Yoga Party!!!!!!!!
Lovely couple. Interestingly, my biracial son has dated mainly Asian girls so far. I think it's mostly a matter of proximity. There were a lot of Asian girls in his high school and also there are a lot in his college.
As to this couple, I love everything about the pics except it was a crime what she made her bridesmaids wear. I mean c'mon, they're hideous. The groomsmen are rocking it like bosses, but the bridesmaids are a pack of crimson heifers.
6 months, 1 week ago on Three Cultures One Couple – Anou and Siobhan
with a woman like that, you can show no fear. They can smell the fear. With one sharp tug of their legs and glutes (with legs wrapped around your back), they can snap your spine.
6 months, 2 weeks ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wenesday: Ab-solutly.
Congratulations. Gorgeous video, by the way.
6 months, 3 weeks ago on Video: You Tubers, Shelly and Michael Tie the Knot!
6 months, 3 weeks ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday: Babes, Bikes and Bliss
The cynical way they treat their athletes -- have you ever heard a first hand description of they way new draftees are examined at the combine -- is disgusting. It's very akin to the way horse owners examine horses.
Further, at the youth levels, American football is responsible for sucking dry the sports budgets of public school systems across the nation. It is responsible for the largest number of concussions and other permanent youth injuries. It is responsible for cultivating an environment in which things like gang rape are not only permitted but treated as a sort of droit du seignor owned by the royalty in big football programs. Steubenville, anybody? At every level this game, masquerading as an ersaz sport, elevates and celebrates the worst of humanity while negating everything that true sport is supposed to be about.
6 months, 3 weeks ago on Kevin Talks Football!
@KalEl72 @Blanc2 I was talking about the fundamental structure of the game (football) vs the sport (futbol). A sport is an arena in which athletes are free to compete. A game is a venue in which participants take turns making individual moves. Football players are game pieces moved around the board by the coach. It is a game between two coaches. Futbol is a sport in which athletes are released onto a field where they improvise and compete mostly uninterrupted for the full duration of the game, save occasional stoppage for flagrant fouls, goals scored, or out-of-bounds balls.
Certain within every professional sport we can see elements of players attempting to manipulate rules for competitive advantage, or to sell tickets. Flopping in the NBA and soccer is one example. Hockey has its unwritten enforcement code, etc. Of all, though, the NFL generally contains the most flagrant examples of psychopathic or sociopathic behavior by individual athletes. Can anybody say Ray Rice? This is structural to the game. Football players advance based not on their ability to improvise and create but rather on their ability to robotically and unquestioningly follow the precise instructions of a coach: "Run down the field angle right for 17.5 yards, feign right, then turn left and run 7 yards. Look up and the pass will be there." As a result, the best producing players in the NFL are those who are physically extremely strong and fast but emotionally children. Off the field, these boys cannot handle themselves. Thus we hear over and over how these guys earn tens of millions of dollars in a career spanning 5 or 6 years, and then wind up broke, homeless, and jobless because they pissed their money away in extravagant living. The NFL truly does embody, both on an off the field, the worst elements of that uncomfortable intersection between sports on the one hand and entertainment on the other.
@SirLoinDeBeef @Blanc2 My chauvinistic view of American football was not adopted at the outset. I have had a lifetime to refine my revulsion for this Catholic pageant masquerading as a sport-like entertainment product.
Ladies, please rest assured that there are many men out there in the world, such as yours truly, who do not watch this silly little boy's game. American rules football is hardly a sport. It is interesting from an anthropological perspective because it is the only sport-like entertainment medium that was developed almost purely around the concept of making it easy to televise. However, from an athletic improvisation perspective, it is puerile and robotic. What other game stops the action every few seconds to allow the offense to tee up and get a head start? What other sport can take an hour to complete 10 minutes of play whilst overpaid stuffed shirts prattle on ad nauseum about rule minutiae?
I endure the withering ennui of a live NFL game a couple of times a year as an obligatory lagniappe for a steady client, but otherwise I never watch this game, not even the Stupid Bowl.
If you took futbol (soccer), which is an actual sport with athletes who act autonomously on the pitch and improvise continuously, and reduced it to nothing but a series of corner kicks, punctuated by the occasional penalty kick, you would have a soccer equivalent of American rules football. My advice: don't waste your time.
Interesting answer from Christelyn. I'll give the other perspective, because 30 years ago I was "that white guy", the one who dated a black girl because he found her cute and funny and interesting, but who had grown up in a lily-white community and had never thought about race at all, much less never grocked the wear & tear of quotidian microaggression that shapes the landscape of most African-Americans these days. And that last point is just the point. It's not too likely you'll walk down the street and have a car full of whites throw bags of excrement at you whilst shouting racial epithets. That sort of thing is now the exception, not the rule, in this nation whose outward expressions about race are shaped by decades of education about what is or is not politically correct. In its place, many black Americans face a daily grind of microaggressions which stains the fabric of their lives, becomes a steady presence perched on the shoulder like a little devil. This is perhaps the hardest thing for a white person to understand. After all, white people experience petty slights and microaggressions too. Let's face it, the world is fulla assholes. But for us whites these petty slights and aggressions tend to stand out as unconnected events -- some jerk who woke up on the wrong side of the bed -- whereas for black people they become the mosaic that forms the backdrop to their entire existence. Getting stung by a wasp versus stepping in a wasp's nest.
As Christellyn notes, this is related to the subject of white skin privilege. WSP is another difficult subject for white people to grasp. I think the difficulty here resides in the way white people are often confronted with the concept. Generally, this tends to come up for white people as a single, isolated issue: White. Skin. Privilege. As if this is the sole factor that shapes the lives of white people.
In fact, each of us is born with a unique bundle of privileges and burdens. Some of these will arise from immutable aspects of our physiognomy. For example, it is well known that tall men tend, on average, to see more economic success than short ones. People considered attractive generally do better in school, at all grades. Fat people are almost always shamed. Etc. Some of these privileges/burdens relate to socioeconomic accidents of birth. Generally, kids from affluent backgrounds have more self esteem, get better educations, and do better economically as adults, but of course that presupposes they have at least functional parents. Some rich kids are born to parents who physically or sexually abuse them; some poor kids are born to parents that uplift and exalt them.
WSP is just one of the sticks in the bundle of privileges/burdens that is the birthright of a white person in America. There was a time in the history of this country where the WSP stick trumped pretty much any privilege stick in any bundle held by a black person, but that is no longer the case and this is where I think the discussion about WSP tends to break down. Most of us can identify dozens of examples personally known to us where a black individual has found happiness and success well beyond that of a white person of seemingly equal or even greater privileged background, President Obama being perhaps Exhibit A for that thesis. The fact that he won re-election despite being generally regarded as a mediocre and/or disappointing president, at a time when the nation was still in a recession, speaks volumes on this point.
However, that also belies the fact that WSP still exists and is very real. President Obama is a prominent example, but an isolated one. We can point to others: Oprah, Tony Dungy, Condi Rice, Kenneth Chenault, etc. The fact that we can list and name these people is telling; it's because they stand as isolated examples. It is still overwhelmingly a white man's world here in the US, and the higher one gets up the food chain, the more this is true. Being a white man imputes certain default assumptions about things like character, value, etc., that others have to earn.
The other difficulty of discussing WSP with a neophyte to the concept is that he tends to hear it as an attack on his work ethic, as if he was able to achieve success by being lazy. Nobody is saying that, of course, but that is what white people tend to hear. I like to use the analogy of performance-enhancing drugs. Take Lance Armstrong. He was outed as a cheat, and rightly so, but the one thing people forget is that the only thing performance-enhancing drugs do is enable the user to train just a skosh longer and harder than he otherwise would have been able to train without them. The drugs cannot put le maillot jaune on the back of a Fred (look it up on bike blogs). The drive to train longer and harder, to make one's self stronger, to be the best, that must come from within. Lance -- his mind, his body, his will -- still trained those legendary long miles, longer and harder than the rest. He still powered up those giant-crushing climbs in the Alps. His legs still pushed the cranks around a million times at amazing speeds. Without the drugs, Lance would still have been a real contender, a Jens Voigt.
WSP is like that. It does not guarantee success for every white person. But it does give a slight leg up to a white person with ambition and drive.
The other point about WSP for whites is the "so what can/should I do about it" point. "Should I say 'no' to a job opportunity to somehow compensate for my privilege?" No. Absolutely not. Just keep it in mind so that one day when you find success and you are in a position of being a decider, use your deciding to decide in favor of giving that leg up to a deserving person who is not white. Be that mentor who reaches out and shepherds his career. Pay it forward.
7 months, 1 week ago on (Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?”
@BreannaNouveaux It was different back in the day. There was open hostility from both whites and blacks. "N---er lover" scrawled on my door, social snubbing, etc. To some people it was almost as shocking as being an out gay person. I'm now pushing toward my 20-year anniversary in an IR marriage, with one kid just starting college. Even today we get occasional side-eye from some white folks in the suburban mall, and if we venture into the hood we still sometimes get hostility from black men, but for the most part people treat us as normal and our kids have grown up amidst a rainbow of various mixed ethnicities. In my workplace, the guy with the office next to mine has a black wife and three biracial children, all grown and out in the world, as well as 4 of 5 grandchildren of various hues, while the guy two offices down in the other direction is in a newer biracial marriage with two little ones, a 3-year old and a newborn. Unusual coincidence perhaps, but indicative, I think, of how mainstream IR families have become.
7 months, 1 week ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”
Allyson Felix! Sydney Leroux! Jackie Joyner Kersee!
7 months, 1 week ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wenesday: She’s got Legs.
Way back in like 1980 or so I was a white boy at college who found myself infatuated with a pretty black girl who resided in my building, which was university-owned and had a communal library and such but was set up as apartments. She wore her hair in tight corn rows which accentuated her gorgeous full lips, which lips in turn complimented her amazing ass, the whole package wrapped in silken dark brown. We had a couple of mutual friends and thus saw one another at parties and such. So I got up my nerve and asked her out. As things turned out, the date was rather awkward. It was clear that she was on the fence about whether it was appropriate to date a white guy, and when I kissed her goodnight at her door that night, she said something like, "That wasn't right, I shouldn't do that." However, the fact of the date registered with another pretty black girl in the same set of buildings, an athletic and highly accomplished woman with a smile that could light up Mordor. She started flirting with me, and it wasn't long before we were an item.
I saw this pattern repeated a lot in my life, as I moved around to different parts of the country. Once a black community knew me as a guy who dated women who are black -- as contrasted with a guy who fantasizes about "Black Women" -- it became very easy to meet new black women.
Thus, my advice to you is to get yourself into situations where you will get to know women who are black. Chances are you'll find somebody with whom you have a few things in common. Go with that. Ask her out. Things will lead to one another.
And take Christelyn's advice. Be yourself. Don't be Leroy.
7 months, 2 weeks ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”
That's totally awesome
7 months, 2 weeks ago on Throw Like a Girl; Take Your Team to the Little League World Series
Sir Loin! My man!
7 months, 2 weeks ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday:Foot Loose
@Daisy_inthe_Field @DWB I met Condi once. She's way hotter in person.
@SirLoinDeBeef @Blanc2 @tonyrog Wow. Like we've never seen her before. Where is this from?
8 months ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday: Looking back on it
@tonyrog Is that Janelle Monae?
8 months ago on Quick! Help Me Create Some Meals with the Massive Harvest!
As Maya Angelou said: don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.
8 months, 1 week ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@bellechose @Blanc2 "A man knowing what he wants doesn't equal having a fetish." That's a false syllogism. In fact fetishists typically know exactly what they want. The issue is exoticising or otherwise reducing human women to a trope or a fantasy ideal based on superficial physical attributes rather than taking the trouble to meet and get to know an actual human woman.
8 months, 1 week ago on QOTW: White Guy, 51, Ready to Get His Swirl On…
It's hard being in a relationship. It's even harder being in a relationship where the woman has a child or children from prior relationships.
Many years ago I had a long-term relationship with a bw who had a son from a prior marriage. She was highly educated and very focused on open discussion about the parameters of my relationship with her son (which grew very close and remains close to this day, though he is now an accomplished man in his 30's).
Later, I tried a relationship with a bw who had three daughters from two fathers. There was a giant amount of drama and chaos in their lives. Trying to see how I could slot myself into that energy, and then maybe build my own family, it just didn't seem feasible. She was sweet and nice and breaking up with her was hard to do, but in the long run I just couldn't see myself in that for the long run.
That's the reality. You make choices and live with the consequences. I'm not saying that this woman was "damaged goods". Rather, it was just too much work, too much energy lost, being a part of her scene. There were plenty of single women my age without kids and I ended up meeting one, getting married, and raising a family.
8 months, 1 week ago on (Bonus) QOTW: Black Women, Multiple Children, and Interracial Dating.
Perhaps in person he's different, but the way he phrases his query ("I would like to find a black woman who I can spend the rest of my life with") makes it sound like he's created a fetish for the "Black Woman" as opposed to being open to meeting an actual human woman who happens to be black. Dude, if that's your thing, do the sisters a favor, and the white guys who are actively dating the sisters (and in the process painstakingly refuting the stereotype of white guys chasing black women only out of fetish) a favor.
I felt sorry for her in the Trayvon case, and even now because she still blames herself for the result. She told the truth, but despite that fact, the Zimmerman defense used her mercilessly in its strategy to demonize Trayvon posthumously. In fact she became Exhibit A. They really didn't care what she said. Their strategy hinged on keeping her on the stand as long as possible and baiting her into angry and hostile exchanges with counsel, who knew that the white jurors would dislike her and would then externalize that same sense of dislike onto Trayvon, the implicit message to the jury being "those people" are the kind that Trayvon was, the kind who "needed killin'". It unfortunately worked, which was a travesty.
However, I'm happy to see that some men stepped up and are trying to give this young woman some opportunities she would not otherwise have had.
8 months, 2 weeks ago on Got to Give Credit Where It’s Due…Some Real Knights Rode in to Save Rachel Jeantel
8 months, 3 weeks ago on Caption This. ESPN, The Body Issue.
I've been asked the same question dozens of times, and have given the same basic response. Some guys prefer blondes, or brunettes, or skinny girls, or curvy ones, etc. Me, I find African American women to be more attractive, and guys are visual -- our initial attraction generally comes from appearance.
8 months, 4 weeks ago on Open Thread: “How Do I Explain My Preference for Black Women without Sounding Like a Douche?”
9 months ago on Sirloins’BB&W Babe Wednesday!!
He's an example of that sociopathic male personality you have blogged about from time to time.
9 months, 1 week ago on Robin Thicke and His Very Public Attempt to Win Back His Wife. You Buying It?
Getting burned is a part of being a cook. I once removed a searing hot (500 degrees) cast iron skillet filled with beautifully caramelized mixture of fennel, onions and garlic from the oven. As I was lifting it, my Oxo silicone mitt split, allowing the iron direct contact with the web between my thumb and forefinger. Burned the crap outta me, but I didn't drop the pan. No more Oxo mitts in my kitchen, though.
Pea soup -- a dollop once splatted on the back of my hand as it simmered to full thickness. Burned a hole into my hand.
Roux -- a bubbling mixture of fat and flour holds an amazing amount of energy. I know this from personal experience.
First aid for burn is to apply or immerse in cold water ASAP, but as you note tomatoes help too.
9 months, 3 weeks ago on Health Trivia: Why Every Cook Should Be Growing Tomatoes
I can think of a half dozen marriagable white guys right off the top of my head, without even pondering too long, who would be overjoyed at a chance to be in a relationship with a lovely accomplished woman like this. Basically all she has to do is walk down the street and open her eyes. What she'll see is a steady stream of relationship prospects.
10 months, 2 weeks ago on She’s Beautiful. She’s Successful. She’s Childless. She’s Not Crazy. So Why Is Misee Harris Single?
Been married going on 19 years in a few weeks. Met my wife when we were both associates in the same law firm. We kept our relationship completely on the DL until we decided to get married. I might mention that my wife is a BW and I am a WM. Our beautiful son is about to graduate high school; our daughter is finishing 8th grade.
10 months, 2 weeks ago on The Great Debate Between Me and Matthew Hussey: Should You Date at Your Workplace?
Yoga is awesome exercise. I know of many avid practitioners, but perhaps the most compelling is a friend who broke her back in an auto accident. Was immobilized forever, etc. She had been an avid multi-sport athlete before the accident. Since the accident, she has become a passionate practitioner of yoga and has lived pain-free, in great condition, for decades.
10 months, 3 weeks ago on More Research Proves Benefits of Yoga
Tell her to show her letter to her father. It's heartfelt and eloquent. If he is the good father she says he is, he'll be convinced.
10 months, 3 weeks ago on QOTW: Black Father Blames Himself for Daughter’s Interracial Dating Choice