Blogging about mental health and preconception.
@digthemlows I agree that bringing paranoia into this discussion just totally invalidated what you were trying to say, @Minja0611.
1 year, 9 months ago on Nine Reasons Not to Carry Your Baby Facing Out
@Karen Did you never feel worried or seek more information about something that had come up in the news when you were caring for your first? Why must you make shame new moms who are worried? Leaving a comment here or write a post like this REALLY says that we don't enjoy our own children? I guess laughing at us is your idea of fun.
It's a shame that people trying to spread information are being made fun of and shamed. If the doctors here: http://www.hipdysplasia.org/Developmental-Dysplasia-Of-The-Hip/Prevention/Baby-Carriers-Seats-and-Other-Equipment
can't convince you that it's LESS safe but not the most dangerous harmful thing ever, then just leave it alone. I just can't relate to having a baby "insist" because I was a nanny for a long time before I had a baby of my own, and I've never encountered a baby who didn't like being held in a carrier facing in. If you don't want to hear what the International Hip Dysplasia Institute and the people who believe them are saying, here's an idea: don't read posts like this.
@Trskms Actually, the greatest risk of the airway getting cut off comes from a baby's head falling too far foward, so the chin touches the chest. Babies don't "smother" leaning against you, unless your shirt fabric is getting in the way. This is also a danger if they're in a pouch-style sling the wrong way.
@AlainaFrederick @DoNotFaint @digthemlows Did a tense comment exchange turn into a civilized dialogue?! We should run the UN or something!
I hope your baby likes the cosleeper more than ours does. He *knows* that I am more than 12" away. And he will not sleep more than 12" away.
@digthemlows You're right. Not "unsafe." It's less safe. And it's your choice. But this article provides information. Objectively, it is more difficult to check on the baby's air flow if s/he is facing out. Which is less safe. It *can* aggravate hip issues. I'm just sick of commenters trying to tell us not to be informative because it might offend someone like you. I don't care how you wear your kid as long as you make an informed decision about the risks. There's no way to always do the safest possible thing as parents. I choose sleep and having my kid in the bed with us over him crying a lot in the crib. I don't like that it's less safe, but I like sleep more.
@digthemlows Not being able to check on whether you baby is breathing or not is a safety issue. End of story.
@AlainaFrederick As the blogger behind that particular post, all I have to say is YES to what Alaina says!
Oh, it's just so sad! And... just so I'm clear on this, *she* questions *your* mental health?
2 years ago on On Negotiating with Terrorist Amy
All you "I would have done the same" commenters have clearly never visited the #ppdchat or "met" any of the women Gina was talking to on Twitter. If she was already talking to that community on Twitter, then this was NOT a vent, it was a productive community conversation. Even my psychiatrist thinks groups like #ppdchat and #mhsm (mental health & social media) chat are helpful. If I saw someone just sending out random pleas for help, I'd be really torn. If I saw them talking to the women from the PPD/PPA support community, I'd fucking know she was in good hands. There is a big difference between a community conversation and random FB updates or tweets. HUGE. Did you even read the whole post? #disgusted
2 years, 5 months ago on "Hey, Did You Call The Cops on Me?"
@TheFeministBreeder @Anahit A real professional stays with you until you can get help. That is what happens. I can vouch for that. My therapist says I could call at 2 am if I had to.
@monicasmommusings @jet_set What you tell your kids to do in a perceived crisis is not the same as what an adult should do. This experience was obviously traumatic and not helpful. While my own trip to the Psych ER was probably necessary, it was incredibly traumatic. Now, I have to fight panic when I see an ER sign or step foot in a hospital. Just like you're not the one to judge if someone going to hurt themselves from a comment about their feelings, you're also not always the one to judge who is the appropriate professional to contact.
@Anahit It would be wise if that professional had asked some questions, first. Note that the first real medical professional TFB saw actually did ask questions and found that she was not actually in danger of harming herself. Even just expressing that concern before calling the POLICE would have been much more "professional." In my experience, the real mental health professionals don't assume that hospitalization is necessary from one sentence written in under 140 characters.
I'm so glad you didn't end up in the Pych ER under the 72 hour thing. I've done that. It was a nightmare. But I was committed by a psychiatrist who had just listened to me describe an "active suicidal ideation" - at least I knew what was happening. Oddly, I kept saying "But I have to go to the senior dance tonight!" My college helped me graduate on time, despite missing two weeks of school to be an inpatient (not in the ER, thank GOD).
Way to go! That is so awesome.
2 years, 9 months ago on "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD"
I am weeping. So beautiful.
2 years, 9 months ago on The Best Email Anyone's Ever Sent To Me (with Stunning Video)
Amen. I read on Slate that the placenta encapsulation "trend" (I am hardly comfortable calling things like this or home birth that have existed forEVER "trends") is exploitative. I happened to look into this for myself awhile back, and guess what? It's really not more expensive than expensive vitamins. Plenty of dietary supplement have very little science behind them, and no one stands outside GNC hurling insults. It makes no sense. No one is being exploited here. Women actually *are* being exploited around other choices about birth that actually *are* dangerous.
2 years, 9 months ago on Judging Moms May Be Good for Your Traffic, But It's Bad For Your Feminism
@dcardona @MissKatherineA I'm 8 weeks pregnant and just had an ultrasound last week, when the embryo measured 1.3 cm or 7 weeks, 3 days. Only this week is the placenta finishing its development. The "baby" is still being fed by a yolk sac, because the cord isn't finished developing. The spontaneous miscarriage rate drops from 20% to 15%, according to my doctor, after we can see those two chambers in the heart. But that's still 15% of embryos that are simply not viable. Our bodies know this and end the pregnancies for us. Before we had such sensitive tests, many women didn't even know they were pregnant.
In other words, at four weeks, one in five embryos are not viable and naturally rejected by the woman's body. At 12 weeks, it's usually still 1 in 10! This is from my own OB, who is doing her job by keeping me informed and educated about what's happening in my own body.
2 years, 10 months ago on If Breastfeeding Were Simply a Lifestyle Choice, Anyone Could Choose It
@EverEvolvingEve @asrais Also, pro-choice is "they" now? All pro-choice women "just want to look at woman with pity"? I don't think there has been any pity except on your side of this conversation. You have pity for the women who are apparently not going to see their "babies" in heaven--presumably because they are going to hell?
Thank you asrais for expanding on the privilege I was talking about. That's exactly it.
@EverEvolvingEve @DoNotFaint @milasmama @MissKatherineA "My site"? It's the US Census, not mine. And why kids "in the system" only? The biological children area actually a completely unique section, with their own total. It's really similar to the adoption total, which I think says something. And if by "biologically adopted" you mean adopted from within a family, why should that not count? I thought we were counting all kids who were the products of unwanted pregnancies. Someone has to parent them. This data tells us who is taking full legal responsibility for them. Step children and biological children are listed separately.
Your site doesn't list totals from the country and there are more than enough states with 70% and higher white adoption rates to make the average over half. In fact, since you only talked about one year's worth of adoptions in and only mentioned 23 states, which is fewer than half, last time I checked, and many of those hover just under 50%--I still prefer the data for all adopted kids in the entire country who are under age 17.
@milasmama I 100% agree and admire your eloquence when I have failed to keep my cool.
@EverEvolvingEve Your numbers are just plain wrong. According to the 2000 CENSUS, 64.2% of adopted children are white, or 57.9% are "white alone, not hispanic or latino." Do you know how many adopted children come from impoverished backgrounds? 11.8% But don't take my word for it: http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/censr-6.pdf
Yep, that is called citing a source.
@MissKatherineA I'll tag you, too, in case you're interested in a few facts.
@EverEvolvingEve @milasmama @MissKatherineA "women in poverty are not breeding machines for wealthier women who want babies" <---- THIS and ----> THIS: " the reason why there are so many more abortions than adoptions is that being pregnant for nine months, giving birth and then giving a living child away can be an awful lot harder and more soul destroying. "
I'll repeat it for her because you were clearly not reading. I'll also repeat that many women do not have the option of abstaining or having consensual sex. The statements "abortion is wrong" and that it's the same as "killing" people who live OUTSIDE of a woman's body are shaming statements. Stop judging and shaming and start paying attention to those less privileged than the women who live in your fantasy world.
@milasmama @EverEvolvingEve @MissKatherineA And just to provide support for @milasmama, a law that protects choice actually falls right in line with what my church believes and what I believe- that reincarnation makes it all about karma. Not a simplistic "bad vs good" karma, but a "it's nobody's right to judge you, we all get what we need to go through" karma based on this and past lives. I have heard Sunday talks given in front of Christ's picture about why we cannot know whether any woman's choice to have an abortion is wrong or not. And we believe the soul comes in to the picture at conception, too. But there's more than one religious text out there, and we happen to look to both the New Testament and the Bhagavad Gita as *metaphorical* truth.
But the specifics of my beliefs only serve to point out that no law could possibly cover Religion in general. Abortion is a legal issue. The right to active medical and legal support for breastfeeding should also be a legal right, because it is a public health issue and not a choice, as the original article states. This is not about individuals, it is about the population. Another reason to leave religion out of this.
@EverEvolvingEve @milasmama @MissKatherineA All I wanted by participating in this discussion was to point out that when we are talking about breastfeeding, the word "choice" has a different meaning than when we discuss abortion. I am disappointed to see this space co-opted, the focus shifted away from a necessary conversation about the misinformation and manipulation of women re: breastfeeding and formula. That is the conversation that I want this space for. I want you to have your abortion conversation in an appropriate place, and to use the political "choice" in an appropriate context. Maybe it's the picky former English teacher in me, but I find it manipulative that you have pounced on the word "choice," taken out of it's "lifestyle choice" context in order to repeat your views, since this is clearly not a conversation.
@milasmama I completely agree. I didn't mean to suggest that everyone was going to be traumatized; I meant that women are told far more often that it's going to be traumatizing than they are told that it's no big deal at all. Like you said, it's a shaming tactic. Your example shows a healthy response to making a decision she knows was right. I think of the myth I mentioned more as a myth of a woman who doesn't give a single thought to the fact that pregnancies lead to babies unless terminated. Women are not stupid, and we're not sheep. Which is why we should be in charge of the decision to carry a pregnancy to term and should be allowed to react however we react to that decision.
My real point is that I am glad that you brought up the corporate motives behind formula feeding. It takes a whole lot of marketing and corporate investment to convince women that breastfeeding is a simple lifestyle choice. Again, I think all that profits make Gina's point much more about corporate motives for manipulating and misinforming women.
@MissKatherineA @milasmama @EverEvolvingEve What Planned Parenthood Does: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/post/what-planned-parenthood-actually-does/2011/04/06/AFhBPa2C_blog.html
There is not much mystery. It's a *not for profit* for crying out loud. It's an industry, but it's not comparable in any way to the marketing machine that is formula marketing.
I've been in several planned parenthood clinics and even a women's college clinic. Never have I seen or heard anyone try to market me an abortion. I have, however, seen many a pamphlet and ad offering help dealing with the emotional backlash. But as long as YouTube says differently, I guess you must be right.
@milasmama @MissKatherineA @EverEvolvingEve I think it's so important to acknowledge that the very fact that selling formula is such a lucrative business separates these issues. Huge corporations have a vested interest in misinforming mothers until they believe that formula is simply more convenient--nothing more to it. As far as I know, no one is making that kind of money convincing women to have abortions. I simply do not believe that a woman who chooses abortion does so with zero awareness that a loss of some kind has occurred. I honestly believe that this idea of a woman who blithely uses abortion as birth control without a second thought is a myth used to push a political agenda. On the other hand, how many mothers now wish they had breastfed but simply believed that the samples they received, having come from trusted hospitals, were as beneficial to they babies as breast milk? This marketing strategy has successfully sold millions of gallons of formula for decades. It is simply not the same thing as Choice in the reproductive rights sense of the word. Stop conflating two separate issues.
@Bettina at Bestforbabes Thank you, Bettina! I'm hoping that by being as open as possible, even in a comment on someone else's blog (as well as on my blog), I can encourage every potential mother to educate herself and make the decision that's healthiest for her family. I'm also a nanny, so I totally know the magic of snuggling, napping together and bottle feeding with awareness and the conscious intent to bond with a child. Your "rooting" pun is adorable! Thank you again. How very kind!
I keep coming across this phrase in a pregnancy science book I'm reading, where the author, Jena Pincott, reminds her readers that it's about "populations, not individuals." She tends to be talking about predictors for traits or gender or whatever, but I think it applies to the sentiment behind this great article, Gina. You are writing about populations. Quite clearly. Individuals need not take this as you judging them--it's science, and it's true about populations in general. Each "I chose formula" mom need not justify herself, because she is not being attacked.
And, as a pregnant lady whose milk supply will be unsafe because of my meds and who is lining up breast milk donors, I have found myself asking again and again--How on earth is it going to feel to try and *stop* the lactation? How is it going to feel to give birth and not let the rooting newborn find the breast? Because, duh, this is a biological imperative! I have not grown 2-3 cup sizes in 1 month because my body thought it would just be fun to make me a 34F!
(Feel free, anyone, to ask for my email if you want to talk about the unsafe milk thing, it's too complicated and specific for a comment.)
@kbepote I have a friend who struggles with depression related to six years of infertility who have been told the same thing by their churches. Not only is is her fault she doesn't have a baby, but it's also her fault that this makes her sad. ::headdesk::
I really just wanted to say good for you! Good for you for trusting yourself and knowing yourself. I've been told that I could meditate away my anxiety and, uh, no. I'm taking meds during my pregnancy (just 7 weeks along!) and I, too, have made a well-informed, careful decision. Now, we wait and cross our fingers. I love hearing success stories like yours--they lift me up. Thank you.
2 years, 10 months ago on And This is Why We Don't Talk About Our Anxiety Problems on the Internet...
Thank you. I talk about my anxiety, too, and I hear the same misinformed, shallow criticisms. But I hear from so many people who are so grateful! They want to talk to someone, but don't have the guts to start a blog. I wish they would. But I'll take any talking, at all, to anyone, when it comes to getting it all OUT of our heads. I take Effexor and Klonopin, and I don't function without them. I also take fish oil. If I could sit still, I would meditate. I go to therapy twice a week. Point is, the people I know who treat their anxiety work so damn hard, myself included. Congratulations to you for refusing to live with anxiety and pain that can be treated, eased. Pretending it doesn't exist? That's the "easy" way out. And it sucks. People like us? We do the hard word. Every. Day.
3 years ago on And This is Why We Don't Talk About Our Anxiety Problems on the Internet...
Thank you for this! We're TTC, and I keep catching myself trying to arrange everything so that baby will be perfectly happy. One thing after another is already derailing my Perfect Parent Plan. I laughed when I read this, at myself of course, and i needed a laugh.
3 years ago on African Babies Don't Cry? I Call Bullshit.
@JenSchimanke Wow. My Neurologist didn't say that, either! I'll never go back on BC anyway, since it made life impossible. But that's a bit scary anyway. (5 migraines a week? No thanks! And no more, since I threw out the NuvaRing!)
3 years, 2 months ago on Guest Post: What a B.S. in Biology and a Slew of Women's Studies Courses Never Taught Me About My Own Body
My MD and GYN put me on it to regulate my hormones, thinking that would get rid of the migraines. No one mentioned stroke...
I was also amazed at what I learned about my body! Hormonal birth control gives me incredibly painful and frequent migraines, and we're planning to try for a baby next year. A friend recommended this book, and I was so excited to learn all the stuff we never learned in biology. It's a crime that we usually only learn when to expect a period and how to buy tampons when they're teaching us about our cycles.