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@Oaktown Paul @MZ Elf
Hi and thank you. I can get a bit cheeky with my responses but, the sentiments were coming from a true concern for the presentation and the possible outcome. I am no dating expert and to be honest, I probably read as much as I can to get new perspectives since I am so rusty.
It is definitely a dark art but, I wonder what people really want in the end. I don't think everyone is in it for marriage or longevity but, with the current dating scene, particularly online, I don't even see a need for experiences that might be an enhancement; even if for a short while or until things have run it's life's course.
Many women are fed the forever still but, so many are considering the "for right now it is good" experience as something that fits where they are...for now. I don't even see where some of the dating scene offers that short term goal.
I have yet to read through all of the comments since I usually respond to a post based on how I experienced it...no outside thoughts. Several of the latest articles on BBW have sparked conversations between me and friends of mine who don't come to this site. I will have to check out these treasures/comment on the thread.
12 hours, 15 minutes ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
@SavageTango I really appreciate your response. Truthfully, I considered deleting my comment but....didn't. I didn't expect your response to be as gracious and I actually have to laugh at your request.
I admit that my experience online has led me to consider how the other half presents himself. I wish I had screenshot my solution to some of the madness since I have long since deleted the evidence.
I actually created a profile that was male-centric. It had elements of how males present themselves as well as references to what they said they wanted in women. It was quite comical and got a lot of responses but, my goal wasn't to actually reel in the men so much as it was to show them the ridiculousness of some of their requests from women and their various profile faux pas. I had the cursory selfie in the mirror with a full body shot...tastefully done with a sexy outfit. I brought up that if we put in a cheesy selfie in the mirror shot, do it right. I wrote my profile and used pathetic and comical phrases men use like "I am actually 57. So, I put myself as younger but, all my friends say I look like I am in my forties."
I took a summer break from the online insanity to live life without checking messages and wasting my time on responses to people that can't read, think they are Adonis or are all about the clickee, clickee.
Many men on online dating sites have zero etiquette and do things they would never do in real life. I am not quite sure the men addicted to or that find online dating that exhilarating are the men I am looking for. They message women at god awful hours, approach like they are entitled to you and waste time going back and forth. I actually responded to a 1 a.m. message with "Would you approach me in the dark at 1 a.m. in real life?"Having apps is not a good thing when they bug you with messages from men who are bored or who are hiding their activity from their wives.
My friend was at lunch recently and overheard two men discussing online dating. One mentioned how it was so plentiful and confusing that he decided he would just be a perpetual dater. I believe that is what is going on with this Smorgasbord dating scene. All you can eat can lead to gluttony. Is it addicting to clickee and clickee....it can be. But, people on a real quest to make a true connection that has some longevity could also find it boring and pathetic.
There is success stories with online dating. My baby sis met her beau there but, she was pretty sure that she, a gorgeous young and successful woman, was going to be single for a long time after being in the online dating scene. Seeing what was going on there and in the real world , makes you wonder what is really going on? Since when were men the prize women had to jump through hoops to entertain.
I could go on and on but, I really just wanted to say that I appreciate your response and share with you some of my experiences. I still haven't decided if I want to get back on the sites after my summer hiatus. I really got to spend quality time enjoying my SoCal summer without it. But, I guess my would be enhanced with someone to share it with.
12 hours, 35 minutes ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
@Michelle Corion @SavageTango You have a very cute style!
1 day, 11 hours ago on The Importance of Little Mystery: Would You Click On Me?
Remember this...you have more in common than not. Let's start with, you are human, American and in a free country. Lolz
Jokes aside, I think you will find young black women to be easier going and not as complicated as some might have you believe.
My little cousin met her beau in law school and he courted her relentlessly. She was initially very hesitant although she grew up diversly. Thankfully, her mom encouraged her and all of his and extended family were 100% supportive. In fact, his family(and small Midwest town) adores her and her family.
She is a city girl from SoCal and he is from a small town in the midwest but, they are both very much a great compliment to each other. They both graduated and the wedding is next month! I am excited....for the wedding cake! Lolz
Good luck, Matt!
1 day, 11 hours ago on QOTW: College Guy Asks, “How Do I Date a Black Girl?”
I may be alone in these feelings but, this looks like a write up from a "playa playa" in the McDonald drive thru looking for a score instead of sound advice for women looking to date quality men.McDating sounds like a recipe for foul filler men and long bathroom stays in the lou afterwords from all the BS. Is this advice for hook ups or for real relationships/connections?
Truth or not, this mentality ---->>>Here’s a cold hard truth, my female friends. In this game of
click-a-chick, the next chick is but one click of a mouse away. That’s
all it takes, one look, one click and not only are you outta there, but
you are Old Man Baseball Umpire…”Yerrrrr OUTTA THERRRRRRRE!”
....is why men not worth 2c click through profiles like Adonis on steroids when they are really Nutty Professors.
If men are like you are describing about dating online, it explains a lot and they can stay online victimizing other women with their G-d, McDonaldland,Nutty Professor logic.
Don't write in "texty" talk but, you slang us up with your sound advice? Huh? Is this because you are cool like that or because I am a woman who is black?
Maybe it is because I haven't been on the blog often and don't know your vibe but, this gurrrlllfriend vibe talk sounds a bit patronizing. Endearing to some black women, I suppose.
Like attracts like and this "formula" you have has some reworked advice from other "gurus" but, let's be honest. Online dating is a crap shoot with great odds for some and crappy for others. Even if the odds are in your favor, you may find the winner is the actual "losers" just looking for love and companionship like the good ole days before clickee, clickee and likee, likee.
I promise you that I am no troll and love Christelyn's work but, this size up doesn't sound like one I would follow since it sounds like the hookup mentality that so many black women already know about and have experienced.
1 day, 15 hours ago on Ask a White Guy: The Online Dating Quandary
Glad you decided to Swirl! I knew it was a matter of time. You are a sweetheart and just as lovely in person as you are in your videos.
I'm very aware of the interest but, not sure why they don't "flirt" a little less subtlety. Not expecting them to be completely out there but, I get the feeling that some instances, like yesterday, would have benefitted from me being more forward.
I am no sure other women have to "pursue" as much when it comes to non black, specifically white men. I realize the flirting or interest but, feel they might expect me to be more assertive? I am sure some women are by nature but, is that universal or reserved to "help" along non black men by all women or are we needing to do the extra work because of their barriers?
I had a scenario happen with this very gorgeous man yesterday that leads me to ask....
What role specifically do we play in the mating game when they obviously have an interest??
1 week, 1 day ago on Are Black Women Extra Clueless When White Men Approach Them?
Out in the open is what everyone has the G-d given right to be. Whatever you believe in, do it. If you don't, let them deal with it with who, what or if they even have a belief in a higher being/power/G-d.
I do not see any of us appointed as a social and personal conduct police if it does not involve harm to anyone else. Self appointed righteousness is archaic and will hopefully, one day, just be a distant nightmare.
Other than that, exaggerated PDA is not my style but, get it.
3 months, 1 week ago on Okay NFL Fans, What Did You Think of “The Kiss?”
Love it! A beautifully done and fun looking show!
Kurt and Quintana shared the fears and concerns many do about IR dating. Most of the time, you find out that the things you claim seem so different, really aren't anything but your own fears. Typically, some of the issues are more of a concern for you than the other person.
I can't wait to see how their dates with each other and others went.
5 months, 1 week ago on It’s Here! The First Episode of “Swirlr”
@Aabaakawad @uninterracialI actually call her my "modern day Audrey" inspiration.
5 months, 1 week ago on Can We Please Stop with the Black Woman Fetish Hysteria?
I wish BM would stop talking about what is "best" for black women. So, they have a pulse on every black woman on the planet now? Who is he to talk for any black woman, let alone one who is not even American? Since when did black American men become so concerned with black foreign women's experiences? You can't even get black American men interested in the black women's life unless it is tied to her being with a non black man. Then he becomes "concerned."
I am so over BM talking about ANY fetishes when we know that they have some of the most well know very pervasive and very vocal thoughts about their "types" What they desire is not all "g", "pg" or kosher either.There are men of all races that fetish/fantasize women of all different looks, sizes, colors etc. What I wonder is why they don't spend time dissecting the Black male fetishes since they are black males. Stay in your lane, keep your eyes on your own paper. BM equally fetish/fantasize non black women and somehow they are only "concerned" that black women are "victims".
More than that, fetish has become such a bad word but, the nature of desire is steeped in some sort of "fetish" thoughts/behavior.
These types will never be happy. Even biracial/lighter/brighter women are "off limits" to non black men.
The tourism video for Faroe Islands make me extremely happy. So much so that I had to revisit it! Not sure about permanent "isolation" since that is a high consideration but, I could live there part time. It would be so amazing and serene to hike, climb and walk that island at my leisure. The video is good...real good!
7 months, 2 weeks ago on Black Girls Traveling: Break Some Ice In Iceland
@LoriSwilsonThis is incredible! I can't wait to see this!
7 months, 3 weeks ago on Black Girls Traveling: Break Some Ice In Iceland
@oekmamaLolz about bad clothing not weather.
Weird that I woke up wanting thick snowflake leggings to go under my skirts and a pair of Joan of Arctic snow boots for no good reason.
Especially odd attire for a girl that prides herself on living as a typical So Cal native who is planning a beach day tomorrow. In fact, I was just bragging about our perfect high 70s bikini beach weather and our odd but, welcome Indian summer-like winds yesterday.
I do love my native So Cal weather but, I think it could be fun living in a different climate.
@Conor FlanneryI wish I could have been a fly on the wall!! It was both of their lucky days to have you there so I am glad you were there and I get to read about it! Oh, but, I wish we could find out the outcome.
Congrats on the engagement!
I love this post! You did an awesome job of pointing out that if Iceland is not for you, elsewhere might be. I am so busy right now but, I personally want to do a Nordic and GB tour. I have been to Belgium and Switzerland and loved it.
Also, some of the HGTV International House Hunter shows have showcased interracial couples with black women.
I definitely have seen this in my own family and it is obviously going to be the same in dating or marrying someone with privilege. In many ways, it is just one of the things we shrug and accept since it is not going to change. On the other hand, it is something I don't always feel completely settled about since that essentially leaves you vulnerable if you don't have your privileged "shield of protection".
I don't deal with as much when it comes to being targeted for discriminatory treatment. I do see the difference with having bio family/siblings that looks white or non black as opposed to those that are more obviously considered black.
There has never been a comfort level in the idea of me exercising some genetic privilege. On the other hand, with the lack of protections in this society for American black women, I do realize the value of having privilege;borrowed or not. I do realize the benefit for black women to have access to her husbands privilege that extends to his her and/or children.
10 months, 1 week ago on Cracking the Codes: Do You Benefit from Your Rainbeau’s White Privilege?
I have just heard bits and pieces about this but, its like prophecy come true. The attacks on black women like this is emotional warfare. Put fear and sme where there is peace, hope and joy. Why? Because we are moving on in all areas of life. The moment we wake upis one day closer to the end for some of these entertainers. BW fund, support and hold up the broken fragments of the black community they built their empires from. If BW and our children are not supporting them, who will? Educated women,
Swirling women, traveling women, progressive women...we are a threat to their livelihood. Want to talk slave talk? I bet. Its hard for slave owners to imagine being without control and power. BW are in slavery and bondage but it is to the system of blackistan, not white men. To shame and ridicule us so openly is a good sign. They see us leaving. Their greatest fears are our freedom and hope. Black women living in peace and joy won't
1 year ago on Harriet Tubman Sex Video is Also a Slap in Face for Black Women/White Men Relationships
Thank you MILV!
Paper? people have never lived in a time where women and children found themselves homeless and hungry before there was laws to protect them. Spoken by those with the privilege of a welfare system safety net. Those that never saw true poverty may say that. Those that have never seen it modeled and tested to protect. Those that saw marriage through chilhood pains wont see the benefit. People who have no thoughts of the inheritance and legacy concept.
1 year ago on Best Response EVER to the “Marriage is Just a Piece of Paper” Comment…
@KingsDaughter Oh yes..huge!
1 year ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part 11 - The “three finger, three second” relationships rule
Richard Armitage, Chris Noth, Abishek or Hrithik....
I can think of a few more but, the three that immediately come to mind.
I agree...black women have such a fear about fetishes that there is a loss of the benefit of being sexy, gorgeous and different to the men that find her attractive.
I had always seen exotic as positive. Maybe I am a bad girl or maybe I saw the label put on things valued. I also tend to think that people are plain when they use the term as a negative.
I had someone say that about my name and then commented about my sisters name being so. It is a name given by generations on my Scottish side and is as Euro foreign as it can get and is a darn title. Yet, it didn't seem like a compliment the way it was said but, I also considered the source to be plain and not just in that area. Please...please men....don't say that on a first date to a black woman unless it is with a wink or a smile.
Context and personal experience is so ingrained that I don't usually even give second thoughts to what someone else sees something as.
1 year ago on <em>ORIGINAL POST with restored comment thread ~ Black women and porn can be discussed here</em><br /> -- <br />The Exotic Okey Doke: How Black Women Got Tricked Out Of Sexy
Why they think we are off limits???? No...why they think we may be cray cray!
Well...to be honest...I am a bit so but, not on this order. Gah.....the struggle!
1 year ago on This is one of the Reasons So Many White Guys Think Black Women are Off Limits.
Wow....this really sounds so deranged. The way people carry on like this, you wonder how sane they are for going so deep. As if men of other nationalities, other than black, are harboring some antiquated experiences from their ancestors. Seems BP are the ones carrying on the mystical, evil, sorcery, bewitching tales while everyone, including black men, have moved on. Those sordid tales are reserved only for black women/white men pairings while conveniently leaving out the partnering of black men with non black women. The sad thing is how many black women are so wrapped up in themselves and the tales, are even in therapy to convince them not to lock themselves away from life.
Everyone else is living life abundantly. I see them out everywhere every weekend. Last weekend...for miles and two beaches, I rode my bike and saw zero black women on the path or sitting in the front of a vacation rental with friends and family. What I saw is the rest of life's participants that were out vacationing with husbands, riding bike paths with boyfriends and standing in ice cream lines hugged up. I see them because I am out there.....living in the present. I can't understand who would want to go in a tower and lock themselves away...becoming their own jailor. Even black men have just about abandoned that post unless they want to troll while their non black mate is busy doing other things.
@Christelyn Chantelle is another brand I used to sell on Ebay. I actually had to buy brand new sizes and had nearly new ones in all colors so, I am starting over. Now I am motivated! Shame on you!
1 year ago on My New Obsession...Expensive Lingerie
@Christelyn OMGGGGG!!!!! This is sooooo pretty!
@Jamila @Christelyn @mzsunshine Check on ebay. You can get better than VS at or less than VS on there. I used to sell bras...Wacoal and LeMystere and a few other brands here and there on Ebay. They can be had for really reasonable prices.
Once it starts, you never can go back! I have a collection that started with one La Perla that I found at an amazing price. Then a trip to a lingerie section in a glorious department store in France. I never returned from the dark side!
It can break the bank but, the unseens make you feel oh so pretty and girly!
Welp....I will be going for broke....I have every palette, now I shall work on the lipsticks, lolz. Thank you for the heads up! I so wished they would get back to lipsticks since I know they always do it right.
1 year, 1 month ago on Serious VELVET Lips: Urban Decay Brings Back Lipstick and It's HOT!!
Loving these combos! I have been jonesing for some serious African print and designed clothes! I want some dresses and a strapless jumpsuit made for the summer. It may have to wait until next year but, I love the styles being made by African designers.
1 year, 1 month ago on #Trending: African Prints
Cheering for another loved and well treated black woman in her engagement announcement makes my day! What a blessing to have your sons be the ones cheering you two on! That is a testament to the job you have done with them and what they see in him to give him that kind of honor. <3 it! Hoping to get to see wedding photos. <3
1 year, 1 month ago on BB&W Exclusive: Kola Boof Engaged to Rainbeau, Pilot and Businessman, Jason Appelbaum
@Yoruba Californian Livefrye messes up the way messages come in a lot. You might get it notified that someone is replying to you who isn't.
1 year, 2 months ago on Opinion: Is Being Beautiful Keeping You Single?*
@tracyreneejones @MySmile Shhhhh....she can sang too!
I know what the article is getting at but, I don't like the othering that we all have to deal with as it is and the "don't worry because the pretty girls are likely lonely" vibe seems so juvenile. To say that men love diversity and that our unique qualities as BW to be so all over the place with what we look like, that would make sense. To say that dark, light, thin, thick, tall...short is all welcome in the world of diverse love choices...that would be welcome/encouraging. Without all of the us/them stuff. We have had enough of that as bw from too many already. "Beauty" is an individually defined opinion or a society defined brand of beauty. Used to be there was only one woman that could even be considered beautiful and worthy of dating and she wasn't black.
@kia I saw this! What the.....I got nothing!
@tracyreneejones Said it all <3
I think this will be interesting to watch because dark skinned women have never been recognized as group othered even more by actually having a darker tone as well as just because they are Black. It is like a double prejudice. I think in IR dating, the "playing field" is a bit leveled. Wm seem to prefer darker skinned BW more from what I have seen.
There are so many "boogeymen" in life that are very real and many outnumber the few men with fetishes. Add in the fact that having a preference is not a crime and other people aren't shamed for having them...blonde, brunette, thin, thick, athletic, Mediterranean/dark coloring, Nordic/lighter coloring...so what? He likes the ebony of a woman's skin....I thought that was good. I love it myself. My ligher brothers love their ebony sisters vs the ones that look like them/me(lighter). AND? I won't go too far into anything beyond but, I hope more BW would stop thinking they will be objectified. If so, there are black men that have tried and you can/have rejected the WM like you have the BM.
I am excited to see how this subject is presented. This is almost like a precedence. I hope it is done well.
1 year, 2 months ago on Video: White Men Dish on Why They Love Black Women...The "Darker the Better??"
This was too cute! I am not that forward but, I can see how being playful would be helpful to the man attracting cause. I need a flirting bootcamp "class"! Tracy would be fun to take it with! ;-)
1 year, 2 months ago on Come Hither 101: Tracy Renee Jones Schools Us On How to Enchant the Opposite Sex!
@Statuesque Love your perspective and just stated something similar when someone mentioned a WM being subliminally racist because he made one statement that was not racist IMO. They tried to shame his girlfriend for being ok with it. Huh? With the amount of self hate in the American Black community, most wouldn't be babies mommas or girlfriends and on rare occasion a wife if the criteria was to be non_______. Fill in with the plethora of damaged behavioral patterns one could have to deal with by dating someone of the same shade.
1 year, 2 months ago on Why Would You Date or Marry a Known Racist?
Was going for the "Gatsby style" stuff this summer and fall. I have been loving the feminine styles. I actually was more recently inspired by Downton Abbey's incredible costume design. Love this post!
1 year, 3 months ago on Fashionable Trends Garnered from The Great Gatsby
Wondering the weight of the product on your hair. My hair is fine and not receptive to super heavy or oily but gets dry like most curlies. Fairy knots have been popping up and terrorizing me. I may order it just to see. I wouldn't mind buying several but, have to wait and see how it works.
1 year, 3 months ago on Since Many Of You Have Asked....What's Going On With My Hair...
@WilliamHogan @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones Thank you!!!! This is so wonderfully bad arse!!! Gotta keep the good girl balanced with the "frichen's" . LMBO
1 year, 3 months ago on Question of the Week: "My Brother Says He Will Disown Me If I Date White!"
@EarthJeff The WW and AW don't have a community that was built on their backs. Their men are taking care of the community, black women are the "men" of the black American communities.
@EarthJeff Mammy roling has been put on black women since they were let go of that as an actual position. Black women were not looked at as women but workers and caregivers. When they became the baby machines and not wives, it became about keeping the cow ready to milk and not have to be responsible for a family. The fathers showed black children what black women were good for and how dare them want something more by leaving the collective. Who will care for the DBR boys and men and continue the "black love" misogyny in case they do want to come back to it all?
I might add that the black men that have biracial children typically don't want their girls dating/marrying men that aren't black. Sons???....a different story. Bizarre and hypocritical but, what's worse is the black mothers, sisters, aunts and cousins that will support that mentality.
I say do as the African, Euro-Black and Caribbean black women do. Those women AND their families are about character, class and education. Their families support it.
I will warn you to stay off of those ratchet interracial groups with black women/girls throwing themselves at men but, find a strong network of black women and girls that date interracial. Subscribe to the Tumblr feeds and Facebook pages that showcase marriages and young couples that date AND marry interracial. Check out all of the blogs that have this focus. No babies momma type stuff. There are a plethora of good ones that I could list and you will see that you are not alone, that you have national and international support. I know some used to be listed on here at one time.
@EarthJeff He doesn't have to pursue one...he might just be doing that now. I don't want to project but, knowing how this works, male family will be dating various women as they see fit. Black women are supposed to be in the Black collective reserve for baby breeding. (yes...it is really what some of them are focused on) These male family members even have biracial children and a string of past relationships (occasional marriages) with women of other ethnic backgrounds. Christelyn mentioned she has family that used double standards in judging her choice in her husband.
Being younger, it will seem like the end of the world. It is not. On the same token, some family members will break bread with a man who is black even if he has mistreated you. A brother that says that clearly needs to get his life and let you live yours. If he is willing to disown you over it, you may need to question the type of relationship you share and how you want to proceed into the rest of your adult relationship with him. Remember, you are an adult now. I know that my brothers and father would have possibly preferred a black man for me years ago but, never would have disowned me. The thing is this, I never really gave anyone an opportunity to choose who I love. If they helped, they would have to be the guru in all things love. That would mean they would want the best for me not the best for them.
This is not about him or anyone else. His job isn't to make you love black men or choose someone black, his job is to help you in the vetting process to find the best possible mate.
@MZ Elf I meant to add that Blackistan needs to take heed and turn off BET and the trash music channels and live better. Specifically black women and girls. No need to show animosity toward a business man and his daughter. They were put there by choices many make to "buy into" what they were selling.
1 year, 3 months ago on BET Heiress Marries a Rainbeau! Just Goes to Show Rich Folks Want Ratchet For Eveyone Else EXCEPT Their Own.
@Brice Cameron @Law Wanxi @chocolate_fashionista I feel it had descended into muck long before the sale. I had started blocking it long before 2002. It definitely didn't get better after that.
I posted about this on FB yesterday. Here is a copy paste of my sentiments since it sums it up.
BET founder's daughter marries the man of her dreams. Many blessings to her and her new husband. She is lovely and they look great together.
It is interesting to note that the person bringing the black American community Black Education-less Trash aka BET for years, has a daughter that is an equestrian champion who married what seems to be a quality man. I doubt she learned her equestrian and life skills or developed her personal qualities that led to marrying a quality husband from taking the messages sent from her fathers network. I guess he wasn't feeding her the same poison he was selling.
With all of that said, She is lovely, they are a beautiful couple and I wish them many years of happiness and love. Get it, girl!