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I just can't get past the fact that she (and her friends apparently) were flattered by some guy trying to make it rain. I would have been so offended!
I've done checks on every man I've dated since my divorce. A simple Google search would have given her pause. I'm sorry her son didn't do it and present her with the fact that none of his story could be verified.
1 month, 1 week ago on On Vetting: Could You Be Deceived?
2 months, 3 weeks ago on Quvenzhané Wallis Is Called A Nasty Woman's Vagina By The Onion. It Could Have Only Happened to a Little Black Girl.
That is awesome. It must also be gratifying to know that following your dreams is having such a positive effect. I wish them a lifetime of happiness.
3 months, 2 weeks ago on Got a Note this Morning That Reminds Me Why This Blog is Awesome Sauce.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Good News! Another BB&W Engagement!
It's been my experience that people who try to make you feel guilty about your life choices are usually jealous. There's counseling you on red flags and risks and then there's sabotaging your happiness. I see the latter.
I met my current (and hopefully my last - things are going very well) boyfriend online. I was having no real success until I changed my profile picture and my description. I found a suggested description that was short, sweet, and to the point (I didn't want to be blatant about my desire to date IR since I wasn't in the mood to have the argument with other BM/BW about my choices) and customized it for myself.
If you like it, feel free to use it: "Transplanted Yankee, fun loving, affectionate woman who knows what it takes to make a relationship work. Myself – restless, analytical, and opinionated. I am not easily offended and discuss most topics easily. I laugh easily, and anger slowly." Funny that when I dispensed with the stereotypical online profile descriptions, the type of man I was interested in started to appear.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on Question of the Week: "do you think it's unnatural to exclusively desire a race other than your own?"
Small groups are the best; no more than four (I'm not a fan of going to clubs alone - cafes, bookstores, yes. Drinking establishments? Not so much.) In my experience here and abroad, men tend to be intimidated by groups larger than a foursome.
Since my girlfriends for the most part have been non-black, and we had very similar taste in men, I took to circulating the room by myself and then meeting up with the ladies every few minutes, hanging out again and then circulating alone again. That way if there was someone who was interested/interesting, there are multiple opportunities to connect. Less opportunity for the "twat swat" (it's what we called the female version of cock blocking).
I learned from a friend that when entering a gathering you "fake it till you make it". I would tell myself how attractive I was and how the room was mine and every man in the room wanted me. It was my own ego boost that I used to project the confidence I wanted until it was second nature.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on College Girl Asks, "Why Do I Always Have to Be the Wing Woman?"
I've been looking for something for my fine hair. I will definitely try this out. Thanks!
4 months, 3 weeks ago on Very Happy Fine-Haired Girl--Day Four Results Plus Anti-Breakage Product Pick
This is too close to where I grew up. I've been glued to the news praying and hoping that this tragedy hasn't touched any of my friends. My hear aches for the parents who received news no parent should ever have to receive. There are no words...
I hope that this sparks a serious discussion about how we deal with the mentally ill in this country. I suspect that we'll find out that he had issues that went untreated because no one could intervene until he did something.
5 months ago on Have We Completely Lost Our Humanity? Connecticut Elementary School Shooting Makes My Heart Sick.
Isn't being judged by our merits and "content of our character" what we've all been striving for? My Blackness is not the same as yours and I would never assume to speak for anyone else. While some issues may be common to black people I would still have to qualify my comments before I spoke.
Rob Parker is an idiot, plain and simple.
5 months ago on "Authentic Blackness" and More GAT-DL Co-opting....
Update: Met the family today (very large group!), and it went VERY well! Everyone was very warm and welcoming.
5 months, 3 weeks ago on Three Days Till Thanksgiving. Are You Ready to Meet His Parents?
As I type this, I'm headed to Kentucky to meet the family. I'm quizzing him on the drive...starting NOW! :-)
6 months ago on Three Days Till Thanksgiving. Are You Ready to Meet His Parents?
Y'know, as bad as this situation is (and this is bad), I just can't help but think of how much of a fool the mistress was. You are the "side piece" and had the nerve to go after someone you suspected to be your competition for a man you had no right to be with in the first place?! Wow. Just wow.
I don't think Holly's looks are the sole reason and certainly not justification. I just think it's an outward representation of a deeper problem. They both let themselves go, but he has the advantage of the aforementioned power and prestige which covers a multitude of flaws.
6 months ago on Holly Petraeus: How Much Did She Owe It To Her Husband to Keep Herself Up?
I want you to be wrong, but I can't argue with you.
There is absolutely NO excuse for what he's done. If he thought her looks were slipping, there were diplomatic ways to "encourage" her to step up her game (spa gifts, personal shopper, personal trainer, etc...). Cheating wasn't the answer.
It does make me wonder what else was neglected in their relationship though. If you no longer care how you look to your partner, then what else is being neglected? There are many layers to this mess that the two of them will have to deal with. Privately, I hope.
I am so very happy for you!! I've been so drawn to your story because I can relate to parts of it having found my father and my half-siblings just a few years ago. I admire your fight, your perseverance, and your success. I wish you all the happiness in the world and I eagerly wait your next installment.
6 months, 1 week ago on My Birthday: Act Three
Awesome. I wish you and Bee all the best and look forward to future posts. :o)
7 months, 1 week ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part I (The Journey of a White Guy Dating Interracially in 'The D')
Wow. I was hoping to read much more enlightening comments, as I always look forward to the discussions here. This was disappointing.
8 months, 3 weeks ago on Question of the Week: "My African Wife Is Mistreated By Black Americans. Why?"
*This woman is quite insecure if she comes unglued after one day of no communication - after only two weeks knowing this man. I might have missed talking to him, but I wouldn't have gotten bent out of shape over one day. Two or three days pass and I'd assume he lost interest and move on (I might have sent one "feeler" text just to be sure).
* Two hours is nothing distance wise. They could have easily picked a place halfway and met for dinner and a movie and gone their separate ways. I've done that plenty of times. My personal safety is paramount. I wouldn't be thinking of spending the night at a man's house that I'd only known two weeks.
*In all cases, I assume no exclusivity until we have "the talk". Until then, I assume that he is seeing other people and I am free to do the same. She was ready to claim him from the start. No wonder he backed off. I may be generalizing, but men tend to start out strong and taper off. I think that when we know this and don't allow ourselves to get caught up, we fare better. Maybe even end up with the guy because we didn't freak him out.
*Is it just me, or is she really hung up on ethnicity? I fail to see how his ethnic background (or that of his ex) had any relevance here. His behavior has been displayed by men of many different ethnic backgrounds. It's not exclusive to one.
They were both childish in my opinion.
8 months, 3 weeks ago on Question of the Week: "Two Weeks of Bliss Then Poof! What Went Wrong?"
Yoga pants, tank top(s), sneakers and a ponytail. That's the weekend attire unless I have plans. I'm usually scrubbed clean and may or may not have a bandana or a cap on. I will always have a small pair of hoops in my ears. I have been hit on more times wearing one variation of this get-up or another more than when I'm made up and coiffed.
PJ's and/or curlers in public? My mom would sense a disturbance in the force and kick my butt. No can do. :o)
9 months, 1 week ago on EarthJeff: "Feel the Need to Leave the House Always Cute?"
@mahogany The only one I agree with is #8 because it is actually biblical. I happily pay my tithes. Number 10 kills me. God promised to give me the desires of my heart so I dare anyone to tell me I can't ask God for exactly the man I desire.
I watch those women who sit in church waiting for a man to "find them". SMH, all of the new men that have come in to church already HAVE a woman on their arm so you're sitting there waiting for the same tired men who haven't been looking at you in eons to start paying attention now?! God didn't say where your man would "find" you, so I get out and about, pursue my interests and try and enjoy life.
I trust that the man God is preparing me for will "find" me wherever I am. I refuse to wither away on a church pew.
9 months, 1 week ago on Black Women, Love and Where They <em>WON’T</em> Find It (Part 2)
In the case of the shooter at the Sikh temple, I don't think that gun laws would have done anything. He was legally able to purchase a gun because he had no record. The Aurora shooter is a more murky situation because people were sounding the alarm that there was something wrong with him. Just as in the VT shootings people knew the shooters were mentally ill and no one thought to do anything significant.
Our mental health system in this country is lacking and there are very few options when dealing with someone who is clearly displaying signs that they are unbalanced. You almost have to wait until they actually do something before anyone can step in.
Maybe there should be a national gun registry that retail and private sellers should have to record their transactions in, including ammo sales. If you could get a decent level of compliance, you may be able to flag people who are stockpiling weapons and ammo and law enforcement can vet them. I don't want to limit what people do necessarily, but in the interest of public safety, some monitoring is necessary.
9 months, 1 week ago on Americans and Their Guns, A Match Made In Heaven