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I just can't get past the fact that she (and her friends apparently) were flattered by some guy trying to make it rain.  I would have been so offended!

 

I've done checks on every man I've dated since my divorce.  A simple Google search would have given her pause.  I'm sorry her son didn't do it and present her with the fact that none of his story could be verified.

1 year, 6 months ago on On Vetting: Could You Be Deceived?

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That is awesome.  It must also be gratifying to know that following your dreams is having such a positive effect.  I wish them a lifetime of happiness.

1 year, 8 months ago on Got a Note this Morning That Reminds Me Why This Blog is Awesome Sauce.

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Congratulations!!

1 year, 9 months ago on Good News! Another BB&W Engagement!

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It's been my experience that people who try to make you feel guilty about your life choices are usually jealous.   There's counseling you on red flags and risks and then there's sabotaging your happiness.  I see the latter.

 

I met my current (and hopefully my last - things are going very well) boyfriend online.  I was having no real success until I changed my profile picture and my description.  I found a suggested description that was short, sweet, and to the point (I didn't want to be blatant about my desire to date IR since I wasn't in the mood to have the argument with other BM/BW about my choices) and customized it for myself.

 

If you like it, feel free to use it:  "Transplanted Yankee, fun loving, affectionate woman who knows what it takes to make a relationship work. Myself – restless, analytical, and opinionated. I am not easily offended and discuss most topics easily.  I laugh easily, and anger slowly."  Funny that when I dispensed with the stereotypical online profile descriptions, the type of man I was interested in started to appear.

1 year, 9 months ago on Question of the Week: "do you think it's unnatural to exclusively desire a race other than your own?"

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Small groups are the best; no more than four (I'm not a fan of going to clubs alone - cafes, bookstores, yes. Drinking establishments? Not so much.)   In my experience here and abroad, men tend to be intimidated by groups larger than a foursome.

 

Since my girlfriends for the most part have been non-black, and we had very similar taste in men, I took to circulating the room by myself and then meeting up with the ladies every few minutes, hanging out again and then circulating alone again.  That way if there was someone who was interested/interesting, there are multiple opportunities to connect.  Less opportunity for the "twat swat" (it's what we called the female version of cock blocking).

 

I learned from a friend that when entering a gathering you "fake it till you make it".  I would tell myself how attractive I was and how the room was mine and every man in the room wanted me.  It was my own ego boost that I used to project the confidence I wanted until it was second nature.

1 year, 9 months ago on College Girl Asks, "Why Do I Always Have to Be the Wing Woman?"

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I've been looking for something for my fine hair.  I will definitely try this out.  Thanks!

1 year, 9 months ago on Very Happy Fine-Haired Girl--Day Four Results Plus Anti-Breakage Product Pick

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This is too close to where I grew up.  I've been glued to the news praying and hoping that this tragedy hasn't touched any of my friends.  My hear aches for the parents who received news no parent should ever have to receive.  There are no words...

 

I hope that this sparks a serious discussion about how we deal with the mentally ill in this country.  I suspect that we'll find out that he had issues that went untreated because no one could intervene until he did something. 

1 year, 10 months ago on Have We Completely Lost Our Humanity? Connecticut Elementary School Shooting Makes My Heart Sick.

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Isn't being judged by our merits and "content of our character" what we've all been striving for?  My Blackness is not the same as yours and I would never assume to speak for anyone else.  While some issues may be common to black people I would still have to qualify my comments before I spoke.  

 

Rob Parker is an idiot, plain and simple.

1 year, 10 months ago on "Authentic Blackness" and More GAT-DL Co-opting....

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Update: Met the family today (very large group!), and it went VERY well! Everyone was very warm and welcoming.

1 year, 11 months ago on Three Days Till Thanksgiving. Are You Ready to Meet His Parents?

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As I type this, I'm headed to Kentucky to meet the family. I'm quizzing him on the drive...starting NOW! :-)

1 year, 11 months ago on Three Days Till Thanksgiving. Are You Ready to Meet His Parents?

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Y'know, as bad as this situation is (and this is bad), I just can't help but think of how much of a fool the mistress was. You are the "side piece" and had the nerve to go after someone you suspected to be your competition for a man you had no right to be with in the first place?! Wow. Just wow. I don't think Holly's looks are the sole reason and certainly not justification. I just think it's an outward representation of a deeper problem. They both let themselves go, but he has the advantage of the aforementioned power and prestige which covers a multitude of flaws.

1 year, 11 months ago on Holly Petraeus: How Much Did She Owe It To Her Husband to Keep Herself Up?

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I want you to be wrong, but I can't argue with you. There is absolutely NO excuse for what he's done. If he thought her looks were slipping, there were diplomatic ways to "encourage" her to step up her game (spa gifts, personal shopper, personal trainer, etc...). Cheating wasn't the answer. It does make me wonder what else was neglected in their relationship though. If you no longer care how you look to your partner, then what else is being neglected? There are many layers to this mess that the two of them will have to deal with. Privately, I hope.

1 year, 11 months ago on Holly Petraeus: How Much Did She Owe It To Her Husband to Keep Herself Up?

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I am so very happy for you!! I've been so drawn to your story because I can relate to parts of it having found my father and my half-siblings just a few years ago. I admire your fight, your perseverance, and your success. I wish you all the happiness in the world and I eagerly wait your next installment.

1 year, 11 months ago on My Birthday: Act Three

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Awesome.  I wish you and Bee all the best and look forward to future posts. :o)

2 years ago on EarthJeff: Swirling on Planet Earth Part I (The Journey of a White Guy Dating Interracially in 'The D')

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Wow.  I was hoping to read much more enlightening comments, as I always look forward to the discussions here.  This was disappointing.  

2 years, 1 month ago on Question of the Week: "My African Wife Is Mistreated By Black Americans. Why?"

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My thoughts:

 

*This woman is quite insecure if she comes unglued after one day of no communication - after only two weeks knowing this man.  I might have missed talking to him, but I wouldn't have gotten bent out of shape over one day. Two or three days pass and I'd assume he lost interest and move on (I might have sent one "feeler" text just to be sure).

 

* Two hours is nothing distance wise.  They could have easily picked a place halfway and met for dinner and a movie and gone their separate ways.  I've done that plenty of times.  My personal safety is paramount.  I wouldn't be thinking of spending the night at a man's house that I'd only known two weeks.

 

*In all cases, I assume no exclusivity until we have "the talk".  Until then, I assume that he is seeing other people and I am free to do the same.  She was ready to claim him from the start.  No wonder he backed off.  I may be generalizing, but men tend to start out strong and taper off.  I think that when we know this and don't allow ourselves to get caught up, we fare better.  Maybe even end up with the guy because we didn't freak him out.

 

*Is it just me, or is she really hung up on ethnicity?  I fail to see how his ethnic background (or that of his ex) had any relevance here.  His behavior has been displayed by men of many different ethnic backgrounds.  It's not exclusive to one.

 

They were both childish in my opinion.

2 years, 1 month ago on Question of the Week: "Two Weeks of Bliss Then Poof! What Went Wrong?"

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Yoga pants, tank top(s), sneakers and a ponytail.  That's the weekend attire unless I have plans.  I'm usually scrubbed clean and may or may not have a bandana or a cap on.  I will always have a small pair of hoops in my ears.  I have been hit on more times wearing one variation of this get-up or another more than when I'm made up and coiffed.

 

PJ's and/or curlers in public?  My mom would sense a disturbance in the force and kick my butt.  No can do. :o)

2 years, 2 months ago on EarthJeff: "Feel the Need to Leave the House Always Cute?"

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 @mahogany The only one I agree with is #8 because it is actually biblical.  I happily pay my tithes.  Number 10 kills me.  God promised to give me the desires of my heart so I dare anyone to tell me I can't ask God for exactly the man I desire.

 

I watch those women who sit in church waiting for a man to "find them".  SMH, all of the new men that have come in to church already HAVE a woman on their arm so you're sitting there waiting for the same tired men who haven't been looking at you in eons to start paying attention now?!  God didn't say where your man would "find" you, so I get out and about, pursue my interests and try and enjoy life.  

 

I trust that the man God is preparing me for will "find" me wherever I am.  I refuse to wither away on a church pew.

2 years, 2 months ago on Black Women, Love and Where They <em>WON’T</em> Find It (Part 2)

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In the case of the shooter at the Sikh temple, I don't think that gun laws would have done anything.  He was legally able to purchase a gun because he had no record.  The Aurora shooter is a more murky situation because people were sounding the alarm that there was something wrong with him.  Just as in the VT shootings people knew the shooters were mentally ill and no one thought to do anything significant.

 

Our mental health system in this country is lacking and there are very few options when dealing with someone who is clearly displaying signs that they are unbalanced.  You almost have to wait until they actually do something before anyone can step in.

 

Maybe there should be a national gun registry that retail and private sellers should have to record their transactions in, including ammo sales.  If you could get a decent level of compliance, you may be able to flag people who are stockpiling weapons and ammo and law enforcement can vet them.  I don't want to limit what people do necessarily, but in the interest of public safety, some monitoring is necessary.

2 years, 2 months ago on Americans and Their Guns, A Match Made In Heaven

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I don't think finding someone to do your hair in which ever way you choose to wear it will be the challenge you anticipate in London.  I have family and friends there and there is no shortage of qualified stylists to choose from based on what they tell me.  If you need contacts, I too am ready to refer.

2 years, 2 months ago on One New Adventure, and one problem… What About My hair?

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The ONLY point I agreed with was that the mother shouldn't be "bad-mouthing" the father and telling the child/children negative things about him.  As I did, they will figure this out on their own.  My mom was extraordinarily tight-lipped about my father's behavior and his lack of financial support.  I met him a few years ago and made up my own mind about him.  I'm not a fan.  

 

We don't know if Gabby's mother shared financial details with her, but a child eventually realizes that there isn't enough money to go around and they aren't able to do the same things that a lot of their two-parent household friends can do.  They figure out very early that their father isn't holding up his end of the deal, so mom doesn't have to do anything before the situation is glaringly obvious.  When mom keeps answering their requests with "we don't have the money", they eventually make the connection that if dad was here, we'd have more money.

 

Add to that the lack of any quality time spent with their children and you end up with attitudes like Gabby's.  If mom did all of the heavy lifting, why should her father get to share the shine?  What sacrifices did he make for the family?

 

I fear for the family of Mr. Sotomayor.  If violence is his go-to answer for every perceived offense...

 

2 years, 2 months ago on My Take on the Gabby Douglas Cluster Cuss...

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Any Florida stops in the promotional tour?

2 years, 2 months ago on Ladies, It Looks Like We've Got Some Allies...!

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Awesome read. Thank you.

2 years, 3 months ago on “My Life in the Swirl,” An Essay By David Lippman

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Congratulations!!  They are an adorable couple and they've made a beautiful baby!! :o)

2 years, 3 months ago on Video: The Nive Nulls Have a Baby!

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And the church said Amen!  You have to make a conscious choice to separate yourself from people who seem hell-bent on keeping you down, even if they are family.  Sometimes that is the only way to convince them that living a BETTER life is possible.  The act of living BETTER speaks louder than telling them there is a way.

2 years, 3 months ago on Opinion: "You think you BETTER than us?" As a matter of fact yes I do.

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SMH, it always saddens me to see two women going at it instead of looking at the common denominator in this mess - the man they both slept with.  While I think it's wrong to pursue someone who is in a relationship, who knows what Djimon told Kimora in the beginning.  Kola should've been mad at him rather than Kimora. I'm sorry, but I doubt the bedside interaction happened the way she describes at her bedside - going in to life-threatening surgery is a very closed process - they don't just let anyone come see you (at least not at the hospitals I've worked in).

 

Engaging in revenge sex is stupid and does nothing to enhance her career or her standing publicly.  It reduces her stature to that of a petty girl.  Tweeting about it is even more juvenile - this was never anyone else's business. I agree that success would've been the best revenge.

 

I don't think anyone but Kola is color struck in this situation.  She made that the issue to deflect attention from the sordid behavior she chose to engage in.  The fact that anyone is arguing about her color versus Kimora's is proof they took the bait.

2 years, 4 months ago on BB&W EXCLUSIVE! Kola Boof Reveals the REAL Reason She Broke Up Djimon Hounsou and Kimora Lee Simmons!

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 @Shulamit I love spectators!  We shall find them in our size!  It's my new mission.

2 years, 4 months ago on Trend Alert: The Great Gatsby, Fashion for the Decadent

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Love the fashion from this era.  Any excuse to shop...

2 years, 4 months ago on Trend Alert: The Great Gatsby, Fashion for the Decadent

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Awesome post.  I'm doubly happy that I can see the site again!  Yay!

2 years, 4 months ago on 12 Most Common Stereotypes About Black Women and White Men Relationships

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OMG, while I have absolutely NO argument with any of the men listed (most of'em are on my not so short list too), I stumbled upon this rugby player and my jaw dropped.  I need to start following rugby...

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yuYThj7wSiw/T1ucuzZyHhI/AAAAAAAACD8/B3l0w0vPpZs/s1600/Stuart+reardon+-+sexy+hunk+by+Pablo-chester.jpg

2 years, 5 months ago on Friday Funny: Who's On Your 'Short List?'

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I'm glad nerds are finally getting the respect they deserve.  I fully embrace my bookworm status! :o)

2 years, 5 months ago on Is "Nerd" The New "Cool"?

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I didn't read all of the comments here, but since I've had this conversation with my mom and with my old pastor eons ago, the argument that interracial couples are "unequally yoked" is being taken out of context.  We are instructed to not to marry people of different faiths, lest we be led astray.  It has absolutely nothing to do with the race of your spouse.

 

Christians believe that we are under a new covenant with God under Christ Jesus so men are to be husbands to one wife only.

2 years, 5 months ago on "Swirling" Chapter Excerpt: "What Do I Do If My Partner's Parents Think Our Interracial Relationship is a Sin?"

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I see this issue play out in so many ways within my own family.  I am the first-generation in my family born in the US, so I'm African-American in name only.  I was raised by native Jamaicans so I don't identify with the stereotypical "Black" experience.  Therefore, I was never "Black" enough for American society.  My childhood was "special".  LOL

 

My extended family is every shade of the rainbow, with every ethnicity mixed in.  At our family reunions, we have the same ridiculous debates about "how black" someone is.  It annoys me to no end, but some members of our family are so colorstruck that they allow the diversity in our family to dictate how they interract with each other.

 

We all bring unique experiences to the table, so my "Black" isn't the same as yours.  It is self-defeating to continue to try and create a monolith out of such a diverse community.  I hope that we begin to respect each person's unique interpretation of "Black" and appreciate what that diversity has to offer.

2 years, 6 months ago on Claiming vs. Exclusion: What makes a black woman "black", anyway?

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 @SirLoinDeBeef LOL, we call it "SWASS".  I second the micro-fiber undies when working out.  Now I just have to start working out again...

2 years, 6 months ago on Health: "Ew! What's That Smell?!" Seven Ways to Combat Body Odor Under Your Arms and Va-Jay-Jay

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How timely!  Proper etiquette should be taught at home, but if not we all have the potential to change and acquire better social skills.

 

I went out bowling with a new meetup group last night and one of the gentlemen there came and told me he thought I was very sophisticated.  Now there's nothing sophisticated about bowling, but I was raised to conduct myself like a lady at all times and apparently I retained my lessons.  My mom would be pleased.  :o)

2 years, 6 months ago on Etiquette is MORE Than Just Knowing How to Use a Fork!

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...So he's essentially saying (but not saying) that he's a racist, a hypocrite, and if he knows that a black woman has been with a white man he just can't see himself having a relationship with her.  He could hit it of course (pummel it!), but not take her seriously. We're all "bed wenches" now that we've crossed the color line.

 

I seriously doubt that any enlightened woman who has expanded her options would see this man-child as a viable option.  He is exactly the type of man I try to avoid.  He's so stuck in the slavery mentality that he can't see how jacked-up his thought process is.  There were a few glimmers of hope at the end of the video (yes I suffered through it), but he's essentially owning his b.s. and seems to be perfectly alright with it.

 

He comes across to me as one of those guys who thinks that because he has a job that he's a "good catch".  No where in his monologue does he indicate that he's a serious, marriage-minded man.  He's happy to have kids with someone and to get his rocks off, but I got nothing from this that would make me think he truly has anything to offer.

2 years, 6 months ago on Friday Not-So-Funny: "I avoid Black women that date interracially like the Plague..Black Men can do whatever they want!!!"

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Both photos are lovely.  Happy Easter!

2 years, 6 months ago on Easter 2012: Only Seven Minutes Late to Church, Almost Turned Away!

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Absolutely awesome.

2 years, 6 months ago on The New, NEW Black Woman: Uneku Saliu-Atawodi

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 @dani-BBW I hate extended text conversations, but this guy hates talking on the phone.  I knew this was going nowhere but sometimes I err on the side of being too polite with men in general.  I should have never let it get as far as trying to set up a meeting, but I still struggle with the pressure not to be rude.  I'm learning...

2 years, 7 months ago on The Black Woman’s Bill of Rights: Boundaries

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I had a similar experience with a BM I was going to go on meet-n-greet with a few weeks ago.  We were trying to coordinate where we were gonna meet and as the text messages progressed (which was annoying all on its own), I realized that he was trying to figure out where I lived more than where we could meet.  When he asked me if I lived in a house or an apartment...I cancelled the plans and cut off all contact with him.  He didn't seem to get it when I told him that the information he was requesting was not relevant to the conversation.  I don't need a stalker or to be assaulted.

2 years, 7 months ago on The Black Woman’s Bill of Rights: Boundaries

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Ignorance at its peak. Wow. I could only think of the Leroy video when I saw him.

I think this guy must do drag shows on the weekends. He's about to have 90 days of hell. He'd better hope there's some overcrowding and they shorten his time.

2 years, 8 months ago on Black on Black Noose Swapping: More Proof That We’re Our Own Worse Enemy

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@Jamila I'm guilty of saying "my bad" a lot. Usually followed by "I'm sorry". I think I unconsciously already knew "my bad" was weak (not to mention poor grammar).

I understand generally what people mean by "keeping it real", but it really is poor grammar and gets under my skin. I think it bothers me more because it makes the person sound less intelligent.

2 years, 8 months ago on “Keeping It Real” —A Phrase You MIGHT Want to Eliminate from Your Vocabulary

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@dani-BBW I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, but when I posted this on Facebook...crickets. I posted a more direct post to the BM friends on FB...only two WM and one WW responded. Surprised? No. Disappointed. Yes.

2 years, 8 months ago on Too $hort and XXL magazine Hate Black Women: So what else is new?

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I'm cheering for you! I just stuck my toe back in the pool so I'm hoping to learn from your experiences too! All the best to you!

2 years, 8 months ago on New Feature: "Leona's Love Quest!"

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Love her! Wish she'd come to Florida.

2 years, 8 months ago on The New, NEW Black Woman: Janelle Monáe

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I applaud their courage. I only have to deal with stares, I'm not in fear for my life. Praying for your safety and happiness. I pray both families come around.

2 years, 8 months ago on Dangerous Love: When South African Girl and Afrikaans Boy Decide to Swirl

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I gave up the black salon experience years ago after the last salon I went to I got a bad dye job that made my hair break off. That and going to other salons where I'd wait all afternoon when I was early for my appointment. Top it off with the gossip and ratchet behavior, and I was done. I'm glad I didn't knowingly encounter any unsanitary conditions.

I found a wonderful white British man who treats me and my hair with respect and nursed it back from the broken-off brink of despair (I toyed with shaving my head). He's married to a Jamaican woman so he knows what to do. He shares stories of the reggae scene in England when he was younger and is just an all around pleasant person. He's clean, follows proper procedures and is always focused on the health of my hair. I couldn't go back to the hood salon ever again.

2 years, 8 months ago on What REALLY Goes on at the "Hair Salon".....

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Y'know, I've never had an issue dating a man with children. Once you pass 30, it's almost expected. As long as they have a civilized relationship with the mother, I'm cool.

2 years, 8 months ago on Kevin Purcell's Hilarious Take on Dating with Kids After Divorce

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