Lili2009
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Maybe it's my age or the fact that I've been married 7 years and know how wonderful it is to have supportive family on both sides, but, there are far too many fish in the sea to put up with stomach-churning stress over aggressively racist and disrespectful in-laws. I guess it's my personality that would never expose myself to a hateful mother of a boyfriend or an in-law--having to win them over with gifts, etc. It's cringe-worthy. If I were the type to subject myself to this for a man I love, then I'd have to accept "the new normal" and learn how to cope because I don't think there's any changing a woman like this man's mother.
If my parents were hateful and bigoted toward white men, why on earth would I romantically pursue a white man and subject him to such abuse as what this mother is doing to the woman in the story? It makes no sense! Women have to watch their own backs on this because although some men know good and well that their mothers will be hateful toward their lady (and threaten suicide?!?), apparently they don't mind putting their girlfriends through this.
Oh yes I remember being even younger watching "The Big Three" on ABC (channel 7) in my town on summer break. I asked my mom how she could allow my sister and I to do so. She said she learned a lot of english watching the shows and there was nothing else to do! Earliest AMC memory: Tad, Jesse, Jenny, Greg, etc. Earliest OLTL: Karen the housewife/prostitute! GH: Luke and Laura. Robert and Anna, ice princess, The Cassidines, etc. I was also sad when they cancelled AMC and OLTL. Very happy childhood memories and lots of foreign-born family members watching to learn english! Glad to see they're back, too, as many lost their jobs when ABC pulled the plugs. I'll check them out.
The pathetic part is that this blogger is already projecting her hair hang ups on a BABY! Can a generation of black girls be spared this "brush your nappy buckwheat hair" garbage? It's very disheartening.
Yikes. Calling a baby a "nappy buckwheat"? If a white person said that, look out...
I read some articles where Muslims were hoping that "one of theirs" didn't commit this atrocity. As minorities, we know that our minority group can be damned for the actions of a few (considering the number of Muslims in the world, believe it or not, these are the actions of a few.) Are the white, young, American males held responsible, profiled, or marginalized for the actions of "mass shooters" with whom they share demographic similarity? Now that these guys are pegged as "Muslim Extremists", all Muslims must take responsibility for them?
As black Americans, don't we have our own home grown terrorists in our horrible neighborhoods? (See, I said, "OUR neighborhoods" but I sure as hell don't live there nor do I know anyone who lives there but, because I am black, it is unfairly pegged on me as MY neighborhood for which I must take responsibility.) Plus, when the media talk of Muslim youth being "radicalized," what the heck does that mean? Do they refer to Christian abortion-bombers as "radicalized?") I should also say that I, too, do not see the link between a loving God (Allah), and the subjugation of women. But, every religion holds men as "closer to God" and puts women at the back of the bus in one way or another. I am more of a cafeteria Catholic; picking and choosing what I will follow and will not.
He sounds sexually frustrated and hostile. If a woman does fit his physical criteria (imagining both of them eating meals off their rock hard abs), then I do feel sorry for her if she should gain any weight through the course of their "relationship" (pregnancy? yikes!) He just seems like he doesn't have the woman's best interest at heart. He's just mad because he's not finding "Ms. Black Rock Hard Abs America 2013" to get in on with. She's out there but for some reason, the universe is keeping her from him (which seems like a good thing at this time!)
Since he has such a narrow "type", he needs to join a body building club with black women in it. Yes, lots of black women are considered obese and overweight (stop the presses!) But, he needs to stop putting them down for being proactive in their search for a man and focus on why he is so darn hot and yet so single.
@Jamila I suppose he said Hillary Clinton was a "good looking " Secretary of State? LOL! I suppose I would feel a bit miffed if he didn't call me good looking when he was introducing me for a new appointment.
A quip like that between long time friends is OK, I suppose. But, since I didn't know they were friends, I found it flirty and weird. In my corporate days, I would've hated if the big boss said that I was good looking in front of the board of directors if I got a promotion. And poor Michelle with that "Freudian Slip!" Feeling single in a marriage is no fun at all.
It's about time! Not only are pairings like this popular in entertainment, I think in 2013, the director's probably looking for far more tension between the characters other than just feuding families. Just seeing a white man romantically linked with a black woman arouses feelings in EVERYONE, whether it be approval or disgust, indifference or envy or curiosity, the pairing triggers feelings and the director knows it.
@Joyce345 @Lili2009 Who the heck knows? All I know is I had a front seat to that coddling, messed up mindset of "supporting" idiots just because they happen to be black. It gave me the CREEPS so I stopped hanging out with those women entirely. In what other group do you hear the women say about the men "we have to support them" when they do stupid, illegal, or unethical things. Please.
I remember when I worked in a corporate office where the mail room manager, a black man in his 30s, was fired due to misuse of the corporate accounts and they found lots of porn on his computer and in his desk. This news broke while I was chatting with a bunch of black women. A few of us were really disgusted, some of us were laughing, but the loudest couple of voices chastised us for our negative reactions. I can't remember exactly what was said but it was something to the effect of "it was wrong of us to laugh or be disgusted because brotha needs some friends/support now." This was when I disconnected from the collective. UGH!!
This requires mom, aunts, etc. to ease up on the "establish a career first" message. Although it sure is easier to meet like-minded men and women in college for potential marriage, I am hesitant to encourage a woman to marry shortly after college without entering the workforce in some capacity (a career track or a job to pay the bills.) Between issues of unequal pay, "the glass ceiling", divorce, sudden death, I'd just feel better if my niece or daughter established a retirement account or some health benefits before linking her future to a young man. No doubt that those Princeton grads might be more mature and probably don't have to worry as much about finding career paths. I guess there's a "happy medium" where the students can date with a purpose of finding a life partner but also create security for oneself before legally partnering up for life.
@Elegance There are a LOT of hot 50 year old men in Hollywood. I think Tom Cruise is kind of a nut but he's hot! :-)
@MySmile @Lili2009 I remember my folks were ticked when my sister went away to college and then more ticked when she got an apartment while in law school. They were ticked at me for getting an apartment at age 25 and then buying a condo at age 29. Did we have lots of money? No! There's something to be said for taking care of yourself (food, bills, transportation, time management, etc.). I'm sorry but even if my two small children say they want to live with me and their dad to save up for a great place to live or for school, etc.,. I just can't do that to them. I want them to get out into the world, get creative, figure things out the way I did, the way their immigrant grandparents did, too! I'm not against lending them money (I'm hoping we can actually give them both nest eggs to get started with). But, I will just be too darn old to keep adults (I had my first kid at 39 so you can only imagine how weird it would be for my future 30 year old son to be living with me and his dad!)
I've got 5 male cousins who all live with their parents (ages range from 26 to 36.) Yes, it's cultural in that my family, not being from the U.S., would rather all offspring stay home until marriage. But, please. Sometimes these "traditions" are damaging. I feel sorry for any woman that would marry one of my cousins as they move from the mom and dad's house to a house with their wife. They don't pay bills, rent, or grocery. Three of them have jobs and hoard, I mean "save" their money to finally move one day because it's so expensive out there. It's a shame, really, because my parents moved to the U.S. with some cash in their pockets and not even appropriate clothes for the cold weather. They were scraping by and managed to not only own a couple of homes but have a two daughters with degrees and professional careers. I say, if a woman's considering being with a man who is living with mom and dad, really check into the guy's attitude about his role, a woman's role, and his parent's role in your relationship!
Your post is so true! Even my current husband points to moments when he tried but I didn't read his overtures correctly. Get this: I saw him for the first time at a bar at a valentine's day party (he was a friend of a mutual friend). He was also cute and tall. Within minutes of our introduction (was this a secret set up of some sort? Duh!!) o, he says, "Can I buy you a drink?" and I'm all, "No, thanks." I thought he was being nice and that I was doing him a favor by not making him spend $8.00 on a cocktail. Fast forward 12 years, married with two kids, he tells me that he thought I wasn't into him because of the drink rejection. I told him I thought he was just being nice!! (PS: Saw him again two months later at another party at a bar where we talked and overtly asked me to go see this band with him. SO, yes, not even saying "can I buy you a drink" registered with me!". He had to be kind of caveman-ish in a funny way and say, "I want to take you to see this band!" Yes, sir!! LOL!
@MsPeridot @Lili2009 I don't get why some black women feel they have license to use that kind of language about dating white men. One can have their preferences. But, for goodness sake, keep the offensive, bigoted language out of it!