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@DWB It takes two people to make a marriage. My mom always tells me (and she's been married to my dad for almost 31 years) a marriage is successful or unsuccessful because of the actions of both people. So I disagree with the so called expert here. If he's trying to say as individuals we can only control our actions, and that we can't control what our spouse/partner does then yes I agree with him. But he's not being very clear. This "expert" has two strikes.
3 weeks, 1 day ago on Many Tips about Marriage are Wrong, Says World-Renowned Expert | Beyond Black & White
@ASwirlGirl Exactly. I hear the same thing. They need us to tell them what's wrong, hence talk about the problem.
@ASwirlGirl Oh I know from experience men don't like that, LOL. But if that's what Fertel means then he shoud've made that clear. All he wrote was "don't talk about your problems." He didn't say "don't overtalk your problems." But I agree, actions speak louder than words. But if you don't communicate and let your partner know there is a problem, the other won't know to change their actions to make things better.
I'm not sure how you can resolve problems without talking about them.
My problem with your post Christelyn, and I had to step back and think about it, is that you're attacking the cultural practices from an anti-Islamic perspective. No you're not criticizing Islam outright and you made the distinction between moderate and extremist Islam but you're still connecting the cultural practices you disagree with, to Islam as if they only happen in Islamic communities and that is disturbing. The practices you're talking about don't aren't inherent in Islamic cultures nor sanctioned by the religion. They happen all over the world.
For example, honor killings. That is a big problem in India which is 80% Hindu. Yes 200 million Indians are Muslim but if you research it, honor killings are a problem in Hindu communities also. Beheadings to my knowledge are a form of execution still practiced in Saudi Arabia, well that country practices a strict form of Islam known as Wahabbism (hope I spelled that right) and they have a testy relationship with the general Islamic community to say the least. Yes beheadings happen in Iraq as a form of terror but the Mexican drug cartels are also using it too. Vaginal mutilations happen all over the world not just in Islamic communities, why? Because it's a cultural thing.
I could go on and on but my point is, don't connect these practices to Islam or even extreme Islam because they happen in cultures all over the world. You can certainly do it but you look ignorant.
1 month ago on Random Thoughts About the Boston Bomber--What's Your Take?
I wonder would there be this controversy if Obama made this remark about a white woman. My thought is no. I originally thought the whole thing was much ado about nothing. I met Kamala when she was DA for San Francisco since I'm from that area. She is a beautiful woman and my understanding is they've been friends for a while.
I'm not a fan of the Obamas but it seems like people are finding any reason to criticize them.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Did President Obama Owe Kamala Harris an Apology?
Yep. I've always looked younger than I am. I'm 25 and I still look like I'm in high school. It's a bit annoying because some people still talk to me like I'm a child but I know I'll appreciate it when I'm in my 40s-50s and look like I'm in my 20s-30s.
2 months ago on "Allure" Magazine Poll Reveals the Obvious--Black Women Age Well.
I plan to hyphenate for legal purposes, but go by my husband's name in social settings and other non-legal settings. I'm one of 3 daughters and I have pride in my last name. I don't want to see my father's line disappear. Plus if I have name recognition in my career by the time I marry, I don't want to deal with that confusion. But I am creating a new family and I want to reflect that.
Not all cultures require women to abandon their maiden name. A lot of eastern cultures don't. Everyone has to decide what's best for them.
2 months, 1 week ago on Do you plan to change your last name when you get married? If so, you might want to think a bit more about that choice.
I'm going to give a PC response and a non PC response.
Here's the PC response: I can relate to this situation so much it's not even funny. I'm 25, finished my MA and should graduate from law school next year. One difference is I'm in the San Francisco area so many BW are in IRs here so seeing BW with WM, HM and AM isn't so rare. So I agree location is key. What's hard for me is that many of my classmates, Hispanic, Asian, white are married or engaged. It seems the only single women in my age group are black. I sometimes wonder if I'm doomed to be single. (Note: I realize this is an irrational thought.) I can also relate to feeling like you have a checklist of things to accomplish by a certain age. As much as I LOVE Europe (I've studied and interned there more than once and might do it again this summer) you don't need to move there to find a decent date. There are men in the US to choose from. Unless you're willing to wait until you finish law school and start working you will have to get creative about dating. I tried dating during my second year and I couldn't meet anyone I liked so I got frustrated and stopped. I'm now tentatively trying online dating. You might want to try that. I also agree about interning outside of the South or abroad.
Another thing to keep in mind is that statistics show that black women (educated/high income) do get married, it just happens later than for other women. Here's an article about it: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-in-limbo/201006/high-achieving-black-women-and-marriage-not-choosing-or-not-chosen
Now for the non-PC response: Things are not as they seem. 2 of my law school friends are in serious relationships, (one is Hispanic the other is Vietnamese, she's actually engaged.) Sometimes it's a little awkward when they talk about their SOs but they are also dealing with some major issues in their relationships, around jobs, money issues, where to live etc. Being a year from graduation, things are very much in flux for us as we try to get jobs/internships and think about what we want to do. I personally couldn't deal with those relationship issues, and get through law school too. Things happen for a reason and timing is important.
3 months ago on Question of the Week: Twenty-Something Law Student Parched in a Swirl Desert
@tifa12 Deporting them is one thing. Putting them in work camps is another, which is what the plan would do. I forgot to mention that. How is that not what the Nazis did?
3 months, 3 weeks ago on Israeli Government Tacitly Admits to Medical Malpractice On Ethiopian Women
Disgusting. The prejudice in this country towards people of African decent is atrocious. Between this and the plan to deport illegal African migrants, the comparisons to apartheid South Africa only skim the surface. When I hear about the insistence that Israel remain a Jewish state, I'm like, you mean a white state. Because we all know Jews of all races/nationalities exist. And their actions are definitely comparable to Nazi Germany. And of course we (the US) are silent.
I may ruffle a few feathers with my opinion but here it is. It absolutely disgusts me how people compare MLK to Obama. People have been making this comparison since '08. But I digress. No one talks about this anymore but during the last year or so of MLK's life, he was extremely depressed as the black community had largely turned their back on him as he fought against economic inequality and harshly criticized American Foreign Policy as we stepped up the war in Vietnam. Many African-Americans didn't want to antagonize Lyndon Johnson since he signed the Voting Rights Act. I remember in a history class in college (I was a History major), we listened to one of his last major speeches in 1968 and my professor (white) talked about all this. Fast forward to Obama's first term and his foreign policy was very militaristic--the exact opposite of what MLK stood for. I'm not talking about Iraq/Afghanistan because we all know he inherited those wars, but Israel-Palestine, Obama's support for dictatorial regimes while championing America's democracy. If MLK criticized America's involvement in Vietnam after President Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act, IMO it's not a stretch to say he would criticize Obama's Foreign Policy now.
I'm not professing to know what MLK would think about Obama, I'm just going off the basics of what we know MLK stood for--nonviolence, democratic socialism and economic justice.
The race of people who make this comparison is meaningless because I know white people who feel the same way I do. I'm actually not sure what race has to do with this in terms of how people view MLK. He fought for justice of people of all colors and people of all races admire him.
3 months, 3 weeks ago on Is it Okay for 'Black' People to Compare President Obama to MLK? Some Say No...
@GetMeOutofBlackistan @Patricia Kayden Exactly. In March or April of last year 2 black men filed a class action against 'The Bachelor' after going to an casting call or whatever for the Bachelorette. It was dismissed soon after but it got people talking. I noticed some negative comments like, black people have BET so why the complaints. Some of the comments reeked of ignorance and prejudice. But a lot of people of all races thought there should be diversity on the show.
4 months, 1 week ago on ABC's "The Bachelor" is back -- with four Black Women!
ABC only did this because they were sued. Yes the suit was dismissed but it got people talking and someone probably threatened the money trail somehow. Next season it will be back to being all lily white.
Nothing much to say except Jimmy needs to decide what he wants, and be prepared to lose the other. It's unfair to be with a woman and allow his mother to disrespect her. I know I'd walk away. It's just sad it's come to this.
But let's not generalize Asian men/families and say they all hate black women/people because that's not true. I know of situations like Jimmy's but, I've read of and personally know BW involved with Asian men whose families have welcomed them with open arms. Or if not open arms, the man has stood his ground and chose his relationship and the family has come around. Blasian relationships are alive and flourishing LOL.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Asian Guy Gets Serious with His Black Girlfriend, Mom's Response Stuns Him.
@Christelyn I would LOVE that!! Another vote for yes!!
5 months ago on Question of the Week: "do you think it's unnatural to exclusively desire a race other than your own?"
@chilljill @JuneBug277 Wow. I have to say I'm surprised by that.
5 months ago on College Girl Asks, "Why Do I Always Have to Be the Wing Woman?"
I have to say I was struck that he didn't marry a black woman given all the talk he's done about how he's valued BW's support in his career. I now see why he did that. But I've never thought he was as drool-worthy as a lot of BW do so that's why I could care less who he married. The "uproar" over this is funny and sad, IMO. I know many BW are concerned about the number of black male celebs marrying non-BW but we can't change it. I choose to focus on the men (black and non-black) who are interested in BW.
5 months ago on Why Are These Bitter Chicks Hating On Michael Ealy Because He Married a Non-Black Woman? Oh. I Know.
I don't see my attraction to South Asian men unnatural because it's how I feel. It may be out of the ordinary but perfectly natural. I can't change it and I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. Nor am I ashamed of it. It's that simple. Anyone who thinks otherwise can kick rocks.
I love this article! I'm a total nerd and I just embraced that fact a while ago (I wasn't hiding it, I just never classified myself that way.) I will check out that site!! Thanks so much for sharing!!
5 months ago on "Blerds": The Rise of the Black Nerd Movement