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@jpopforever28 @reesiepessie1 @ScorpioEnigma09 It's hypocritical to respond to generalizations with generalizations. This is one time when fighting fire with fire doesn't work.
3 months, 2 weeks ago on Asian Men…I’m Getting To a Certain Point Where I’m Ready to Throw it In.
@jpopforever28 @ScorpioEnigma09 @reesiepessie1 When it comes to BW with AM or ME men, society will point out all kinds of reasons why they can't work. But I'm not living my life for society. And yes, I've already posted in the thread about men I know of all races who are jerks and won't stand up for their relationship. Jerk and weakness knows no color. Good luck with your new love interest!!!!
@jpopforever28 @reesiepessie1 Exactly. Some of the comments about AM on this site are embarrassing to read and would have me running in the other direction. More than one AM has told me they are interested in BW, but the stereotype is that BW want a BM only, maybe a WM. Comments like those found on this site just confirm the stereotype.
@PatriciaVanelli Exactly and it's not like there aren't WM trolls that go around saying similar things about BW? So why do the AM trolls get all the attention?
@reesiepessie1 Yep there are times when I feel I don't fit in either. Being real, Asians comprise more than 40% of the world's population, and on a site that encourages women to explore their options and open themselves up, it's contradictory.
@Aquagirl1 @ScorpioEnigma09 You said "we" as in all BW are curvy. Which is not true. And I decide where I go online, thank you.
@Aquagirl1 I can't believe I have to point this out on a forum about BW but not all BW are curvy. I'm about as petite as you can get. My younger sisters are both taller than me. Good grief!!!
@lianhejiandui if you're not interested in black women then why are you here? It makes no sense to come into a forum discussing something you have nothing to do with.
@FrankEiDaTanky @Christelyn It's well-researched. IRs have an increased risk of divorce compared to same race couples but BW-WM defy that trend. I also remember seeing that on the few divorce studies done on AM-BW marriages those have a lower risk of divorce as well. To be honest, the IRs that are most at risk of divorce involve WW.
As for why there's more research on WM-BW pairings than AM-BW, the answer is obvious--there are more pairings of the former. Whites are still the largest racial group in the country by sheer numbers. Asians don't even comprise 10% of the population and AAs are 13%.
@ShunJack @FrankEiDaTanky A number of commenters have said black women should stick to white men or western men saying that they think black women have more in common with white men than men of color.
@Christelyn I'm speaking only for myself here. You've had more than one post on this topic, which sparks the horror stories of BW who've dated AM. It's overkill at this point. Well I'm attracted to Asian men and other men of color, more than I am to WM so obviously posts about how Asian men, Middle Eastern men, etc. won't marry BW and stick to their own because of family pressure are off putting. Especially when I personally know BW who've married AM, had children with AM and in some cases, it was the BW's family who had the most resistance to the relationship.
I'm not denying anti-black racism. But it goes both ways. I've heard BW say some of the most prejudiced things about other men of color and online. I'm not going to sum up an entire group of people based on the actions of a small few. That's the same thing people do to us. And honestly, I know BM, WM and others who are very weak and conciliatory with family disrespect to their significant others. I already posted what happened in my family. My college BFF's (black) parents' marriage is falling apart after years of her father allowing his family to disrespect his wife, and my law school bestie who is Mexican, has an Iranian boyfriend and she's having to get him told on allowing his friends to spout racist remarks about Mexicans, in front of her family members. I know an Iranian woman who's ex was black and allowed his mother to disrespect and embarrass her. I could go on.
Should BW be smart about dating AM? Absolutely, but that goes for all men.
@Cami2210 @Vivaforever I like Asian men. *looks* I have friends of all races in IRRs themselves so no one looks at me sideways. The only time I feel weird about it is when I come to this site.
@LaShondaMatlock First off, congrats on your wedding and happiness to both of you!! Second, your response is perfect! I would also add, black women are the most educated group in the US. So this guy clearly knows not what he speaks and is making this worse by spouting all these generalizations. What I find interesting is that just as you have Asian men and black women admit to being into each other, you have Asian men coming out and saying how negatively BW are perceived and I'm curious as to why. Obviously many AM are not interested in BW, just like many BW aren't into AM. So why do some AM go out of their way to express their negative feelings toward BW? Why do they care? They should focus on the women they are interested in. But what's also interesting is that AM are victims of stereotypes too. Statistics say they struggle more in the dating market than we do. So they're calling the kettle black IMO.
@Aquagirl1 @trinigirl1 This actually happened with my parents--both of whom are black. My father's family didn't like my mom and if he hadn't given them the middle finger and said he wouldn't allow them to disrespect his wife, I literally wouldn't exist. Conciliatory men exist in all races and that's what the issue is. I've known a number of conciliatory black men who let their parents interfere with their relationship, both with black women and nonblack women.
@jazzyfae45 They are seriously underrated!
5 months ago on Late Night Man Candy Monday: Welcome to Bollywood!!
@_Toni_ I still have a poster of him in my room that I've yet to remove lol. My first B-wood crush!
@WorldTravelingChic I love Aamir's ears lol.
@KingsDaughter @Law Wanxi @tracyreneejones OMG that was the first B-wood movie I ever watched and I was depressed for a couple days lol. Then my mom had me watch Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham and I felt better lol.
I'm a HUGE fan of Bollywood. Beyond the hott men the movies are a nice alternative to Hollywood which IMO has gotten very stale lately. And yes some of their biggest stars Aamir Khan, SRK and Askhay Kumar are 50+ and still have it!
Here's two of my B-wood crushes from the newer generation.
@harem @jpopforever28 @CityofBlueTile Add me to this list. I'm more into non-white men than white men. All I can say is it comes down to the person, not the race when it comes to being accepted by a man's family.
Both my parents are black, yet my dad's parents still had problems with my mom and he basically gave them the middle finger. They just celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary. So from my experience, resistance to a relationship can come no matter the race or culture.
One other thing. I've seen some posts from women saying to stay away from Muslim men. In Islam, there's a strong emphasis on anti-racism. Now of course that's broken and many Muslims are expected to marry within cultural/ethnic lines. But that comes from their culture and ethnicity, not from Islam. People with these attitudes are actually being un-Islamic. Just pointing that out.
8 months ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@zimekcyn @jdependance Thanks for sharing. I know BW married on Indian men on FB too. And while some of their families had a problem with it, the men stepped up and didn't hide the relationship or cave in. So yes there are stories like on YourTango but they're not the only stories.
@Keyasha Exactly. She admitted she fell in love with his looks before she fell in love with him. I can't imagine falling for a man who very clearly wants to keep me as his little secret. She got taken in by his looks and wasn't being real. They were together 3 years? Come on, even Steve Harvey (and I can't stand him) says once you get to the 6 month mark, if he hasn't introduced you to his friends, family, those important to him, it's time to move on. He was a jerk, no question but she played a part.
Let's be careful not to paint men of color with a broad stroke. I love this site but feel white men are put on a pedestal sometimes. It's not like white men do the same thing. At the same time, there are Hispanic and Asian men with more balls than this fool who marry black women and tell their families to shove it or, the families come around.
@NYMan That's my problem with this show. I'm not saying it's a joke but just because two people seem great on paper, even with experts saying they are a match does not ensure that they are. And that's why I question why the experts decided to make this a TV show. I get that the dating world leaves much to be desired but the solution is not forcing people to marry a stranger with science's blessing. They could've started a matchmaking service and have the people date for a time and decide if they want to continue the relationship after 5 weeks or whatever but marrying a stranger because the experts say they've found your perfect match is weak.
8 months, 2 weeks ago on Why “Marriage at First Sight” Is the Worst Thing to Happen to TV Since “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire”
@Swirlgirl28 @billiewp Agreed. What we're doing clearly isn't working. So I'm not going to dismiss the concept of an arranged marriage when it's not like people who choose their spouses are having a lot of success.
As for the show, it's an experiment done by the 4 experts. All 6 partners want to find someone to spend their life with. I didn't hear them mention divorce but they do have the option to divorce after 5 weeks if they choose.
@Swirlgirl28 Agreed. Physical attraction works better for me if it comes over time. The men I've been physically into at first glance have never worked out. That doesn't mean I'd get with someone hideous but it's better if I don't have a reaction to a man's looks when I first meet him.
I'm watching the premiere episode right now. Jamie, the nurse was on the Bachelor so I'm rooting for her. The clinical psychologist said that the black couple was the most compatible of all the couples and I agree. So while it looks like they just paired the black contestants together because they are black, they seem genuinely compatible. Yes Copeland's comment about wanting his wife to do wifey things was off putting but, Monet said she wanted a man's man (her words) so she seems willing to play that role, which is her choice.
This is essentially an experiment about arranged marriages, which in a crazy dating world is an interesting alternative.
That said I'm still not sure what to make of it. But I'll watch as long as it's entertaining.
I wear makeup rarely but I may buy some of this!!! Absolutely flawless!!
8 months, 3 weeks ago on Lupita Graces Her First Lancome Ad… Take a Look!
Interesting. I met 2 men recently, one Arab the other Afghan who I am convinced wanted to ask me out or get to know me more but because of the nature of how we met (i.e. at a party/ on a university campus shuttle) getting in contact with me meant they would've had to show their hand sooner than they wanted to maybe. Unbeknownst to them I was interested in both of them and would've said yes if either asked me out.
9 months, 1 week ago on The Evolution of a Swirler: One Guy Tells His Story
Not to minimize BW's experiences but I think dating is hard for anyone in London and greater UK. I've heard that sentiment expressed many times by people of all races though I haven't spent enough time there to know personally. I've spent more time on the European continent and gotten a good amount of attention. When I was in the UK it felt a lot like the US so I'm not surprised by this article at all. I tell you it gives more credence to the study referenced in Ralph Richard Banks' book 'Is Marriage for White People?' that other men of color are more open to being in a relationship with black women than white men are. I feel like that was brushed over, both by the media and by the BC.
I think BW get caught up (myself included) in the subconscious mentality that the media portrays us as undesirable and us having to overcome all the stereotypes when reality is more complex than that. White/Latina/Asian/Middle Eastern women don't necessarily have an easier pick in relationships because they are not black. I see this with women I know.
9 months, 3 weeks ago on Shore to shore: is dating for Black women across the Atlantic really that different? (Find Out From Someone Living There)
Interesting discussion. As someone with friends all over the map I can say black men aren't the only ones who go around warning people away from dating certain races. My Persian girlfriends warn me away from Persian men. My Mexican girlfriend's boyfriend is Persian who refused to date Persian women. I've heard Asian women warn other women away from Asian men. And I know many black women who refuse to date black men and tell their girlfriends of other races not to as well.
I love my friends but I make my dating choices based on character. There's good and bad in every race. Any man who relies on what other people tell him about black women rather than getting to know me and seeing for himself isn't a man I want. Relationships are challenging enough.
@FriendsofJay that's what I would think. And honestly I wouldn't want a man who would believe such hearsay anyway. I can say that because I've been on the other end of it. I have Persian friends who refuse to date within their own group. My Persian girlfriends is constantly warning me to stay away from them and my Mexican girlfriend is dating a Persian guy who refuses to date Persian girls. I love my friends but I prefer to let my own experiences dictate who I date, not hearsay.
OMG they are so beautiful!!! I love how they blended their cultures!! Beautiful wedding!! They should so be in a magazine!!
1 year, 2 months ago on Nicky and David – From School Crush to Marriage
@JJHorton1234 @ScorpioEnigma09 Me too. She said so many times that she loved her job and playing Carter. So her wanting to do more movies is a load of crap and is just what she's contractually obligated to say to mitigate people's anger. The fact that she's being forced to act like she made the choice to leave infuriates me.
1 year, 2 months ago on Person of Interest jumps the shark in season three: can it land on its feet?
I love how people who aren't happy with the show are accused of being untrue POI fans. It's only a TV show. I understand that some fans like where the show is headed, and that's their right but not everyone is and the ratings prove it. This time last year POI had it's highest ratings ever and now I wouldn't be surprised if viewer numbers dip below 10 million. Nolan created this show, fine but without the viewers he has no show. So it would seem to me he wouldn't want to piss us off, but that's exactly what he's done. This isn't progression, IMO. You can progress the show without losing what made the show so amazing to begin with. If this is what Nolan always had in mind, he should've started with this. Because now people understandably feel betrayed and deceived.
I was done with POI when Carter died, if Taraji wasn't on the show I wouldn't have even given POI a second look. But from what I'm hearing about where the show is now, it probably wouldn't have entertained me even if she was still around. I still would've watched to support Taraji but the love that I had for the show is gone.
AMEN!! I had no idea the changed backstory of the Machine. I was done with POI when Carter was killed and I haven't paid attention to the show since. But from what I'm hearing POI has gotten progressively worse and your article summed everything up perfectly. Great job. Carter being dead really is the least of POI's problems now. It's gotten so far away from what made it great which is really sad.
As for Taraji P. Henson, who played Carter, she says that Nolan always told her Carter would be killed off. She's always been a movie actress and never considered doing TV until Abrams suggested her to Nolan to play Carter. But anyone who pays attention to her social media knows how much she grew to love playing Carter and she was able to keep doing movies when not filming, like Jim C and Kevin C. I don't think she was ready to leave POI, no matter what she says on the record. I'm sure there's a gag somewhere in her contract and she won't risk being blacklisted by revealing how she really feels. Just wanted to put that out there.
@Tammy_Ghalden yep. but they'll open the door for a stranger if he's white. my next door neighbors are a gay white couple but the neighborhood is pretty diverse. my other neighbors are black and the people across the street are Asian.
anyway, one night last week around midnight, my family heard a woman banging on our neighbor's door screaming "help!!" and we see a man following her who we assumed was attacking her. our first concern was do either of these people have a gun. my family called the police. turns out the woman lived down the street and had a diabetic hallucination and the man following her was her husband but our neighbor opened the door to her and gave her candy and then she left, claiming she was better. we all were talking about had these people been black our neighbor would not have opened the door.
1 year, 4 months ago on Are Black Women Safe Anywhere?
@smartacus @cns or have a charger for your phone in your car. Especially if you're going to be driving late at night. I got one the day I got my car.
It's really getting on my nerves how little publicity Taraji Henson is getting for her role as Joss Carter on CBS's Person of Interest (not attacking the author, just a little rant about it generally). Just because she's putting on an Emmy-worthy performance this season and it's incredible how much she's been developed as a character. Her possible IR pairing with the lead male character is icing on the cake at this point. I watch Scandal and Sleepy Hollow but TPH as Joss Carter is my favorite black actress to watch on prime time and Person of Interest is the best show on TV IMHO.
1 year, 4 months ago on Who Are Your Favorite Black Women On Prime Time?
@Christelyn, Just a correction, the man in the picture under "Middle Easterners" is
Indian, thus South Asian, not Middle Eastern. I belong to the same Facebook groups as his wife.
1 year, 4 months ago on Black Women Need Men Like Cory Alexander Haywood Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle.
I don't think this has to do with race or culture. HRH could've been any woman and her soon-to-be-ex husband could've been any man of any race. IMO there are two separate issues here: 1) A woman marrying below herself, which almost never works out because of how men and women are socialized, and 2) why HRH married this man in the first place? I refuse to believe this behavior started only after they got married.
1 year, 4 months ago on Princess Learns the Hard Way “Project Help a Brutha” Often Ends in Disaster
@peaceandgoodwill Not just Americans. China, Korea and Japan are going through the same thing albeit in different forms. Unfortunately I think this is a worldwide trend as women around the world are getting educated and leaving men in the dust.
@_Toni_ @Savannah181 It was Ciara. Keri Hilson is with Serge Ibaka who plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder.
Funny, I'm physically attracted to South Asians more than any other group and aside from the black & white picture, this guy does nothing for me, LOL. He's handsome definitely but not really my type.
1 year, 5 months ago on Man Candy Monday: Who Said Indian Men Ain’t Sexy? Upen Patel Sure Is!!
@zipporah @jazzyfae45 I was on a bus one time and I saw some guys I could've sworn were Indian. Then they started talking and they were speaking Spanish so I understood what they were saying since I speak Spanish and I'm like they're not Indian, they're Mexican LOL.
1 year, 8 months ago on A "Twisted" Commentary On Black Women As TV Love Interests
@jazzyfae45 You are not alone, LOL. I've always had a thing for Indian guys.
I was reluctant to get into this show because I didn't want to see the same old story play out yet again but after some hounding from my sister I finally bit the bullet and watched and I love this show. This article does a good job of summing up why the character of Lacey is so important for black teen girls to see TV characters like her. The comments against Lacey though are disgusting and despicable. But they're happening for the reasons discussed in the article.
@DWB It takes two people to make a marriage. My mom always tells me (and she's been married to my dad for almost 31 years) a marriage is successful or unsuccessful because of the actions of both people. So I disagree with the so called expert here. If he's trying to say as individuals we can only control our actions, and that we can't control what our spouse/partner does then yes I agree with him. But he's not being very clear. This "expert" has two strikes.
1 year, 10 months ago on Many Tips about Marriage are Wrong, Says World-Renowned Expert | Beyond Black & White
@ASwirlGirl Exactly. I hear the same thing. They need us to tell them what's wrong, hence talk about the problem.
@ASwirlGirl Oh I know from experience men don't like that, LOL. But if that's what Fertel means then he shoud've made that clear. All he wrote was "don't talk about your problems." He didn't say "don't overtalk your problems." But I agree, actions speak louder than words. But if you don't communicate and let your partner know there is a problem, the other won't know to change their actions to make things better.