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@harem @jpopforever28 @CityofBlueTile Add me to this list. I'm more into non-white men than white men. All I can say is it comes down to the person, not the race when it comes to being accepted by a man's family.
Both my parents are black, yet my dad's parents still had problems with my mom and he basically gave them the middle finger. They just celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary. So from my experience, resistance to a relationship can come no matter the race or culture.
One other thing. I've seen some posts from women saying to stay away from Muslim men. In Islam, there's a strong emphasis on anti-racism. Now of course that's broken and many Muslims are expected to marry within cultural/ethnic lines. But that comes from their culture and ethnicity, not from Islam. People with these attitudes are actually being un-Islamic. Just pointing that out.
2 months, 4 weeks ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@zimekcyn @jdependance Thanks for sharing. I know BW married on Indian men on FB too. And while some of their families had a problem with it, the men stepped up and didn't hide the relationship or cave in. So yes there are stories like on YourTango but they're not the only stories.
3 months ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@Keyasha Exactly. She admitted she fell in love with his looks before she fell in love with him. I can't imagine falling for a man who very clearly wants to keep me as his little secret. She got taken in by his looks and wasn't being real. They were together 3 years? Come on, even Steve Harvey (and I can't stand him) says once you get to the 6 month mark, if he hasn't introduced you to his friends, family, those important to him, it's time to move on. He was a jerk, no question but she played a part.
Let's be careful not to paint men of color with a broad stroke. I love this site but feel white men are put on a pedestal sometimes. It's not like white men do the same thing. At the same time, there are Hispanic and Asian men with more balls than this fool who marry black women and tell their families to shove it or, the families come around.
@NYMan That's my problem with this show. I'm not saying it's a joke but just because two people seem great on paper, even with experts saying they are a match does not ensure that they are. And that's why I question why the experts decided to make this a TV show. I get that the dating world leaves much to be desired but the solution is not forcing people to marry a stranger with science's blessing. They could've started a matchmaking service and have the people date for a time and decide if they want to continue the relationship after 5 weeks or whatever but marrying a stranger because the experts say they've found your perfect match is weak.
3 months, 1 week ago on Why “Marriage at First Sight” Is the Worst Thing to Happen to TV Since “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire”
@Swirlgirl28 @billiewp Agreed. What we're doing clearly isn't working. So I'm not going to dismiss the concept of an arranged marriage when it's not like people who choose their spouses are having a lot of success.
As for the show, it's an experiment done by the 4 experts. All 6 partners want to find someone to spend their life with. I didn't hear them mention divorce but they do have the option to divorce after 5 weeks if they choose.
3 months, 2 weeks ago on Why “Marriage at First Sight” Is the Worst Thing to Happen to TV Since “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire”
@Swirlgirl28 Agreed. Physical attraction works better for me if it comes over time. The men I've been physically into at first glance have never worked out. That doesn't mean I'd get with someone hideous but it's better if I don't have a reaction to a man's looks when I first meet him.
I'm watching the premiere episode right now. Jamie, the nurse was on the Bachelor so I'm rooting for her. The clinical psychologist said that the black couple was the most compatible of all the couples and I agree. So while it looks like they just paired the black contestants together because they are black, they seem genuinely compatible. Yes Copeland's comment about wanting his wife to do wifey things was off putting but, Monet said she wanted a man's man (her words) so she seems willing to play that role, which is her choice.
This is essentially an experiment about arranged marriages, which in a crazy dating world is an interesting alternative.
That said I'm still not sure what to make of it. But I'll watch as long as it's entertaining.
I wear makeup rarely but I may buy some of this!!! Absolutely flawless!!
3 months, 3 weeks ago on Lupita Graces Her First Lancome Ad… Take a Look!
Interesting. I met 2 men recently, one Arab the other Afghan who I am convinced wanted to ask me out or get to know me more but because of the nature of how we met (i.e. at a party/ on a university campus shuttle) getting in contact with me meant they would've had to show their hand sooner than they wanted to maybe. Unbeknownst to them I was interested in both of them and would've said yes if either asked me out.
4 months, 1 week ago on The Evolution of a Swirler: One Guy Tells His Story
Not to minimize BW's experiences but I think dating is hard for anyone in London and greater UK. I've heard that sentiment expressed many times by people of all races though I haven't spent enough time there to know personally. I've spent more time on the European continent and gotten a good amount of attention. When I was in the UK it felt a lot like the US so I'm not surprised by this article at all. I tell you it gives more credence to the study referenced in Ralph Richard Banks' book 'Is Marriage for White People?' that other men of color are more open to being in a relationship with black women than white men are. I feel like that was brushed over, both by the media and by the BC.
I think BW get caught up (myself included) in the subconscious mentality that the media portrays us as undesirable and us having to overcome all the stereotypes when reality is more complex than that. White/Latina/Asian/Middle Eastern women don't necessarily have an easier pick in relationships because they are not black. I see this with women I know.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on Shore to shore: is dating for Black women across the Atlantic really that different? (Find Out From Someone Living There)
Interesting discussion. As someone with friends all over the map I can say black men aren't the only ones who go around warning people away from dating certain races. My Persian girlfriends warn me away from Persian men. My Mexican girlfriend's boyfriend is Persian who refused to date Persian women. I've heard Asian women warn other women away from Asian men. And I know many black women who refuse to date black men and tell their girlfriends of other races not to as well.
I love my friends but I make my dating choices based on character. There's good and bad in every race. Any man who relies on what other people tell him about black women rather than getting to know me and seeing for himself isn't a man I want. Relationships are challenging enough.
@FriendsofJay that's what I would think. And honestly I wouldn't want a man who would believe such hearsay anyway. I can say that because I've been on the other end of it. I have Persian friends who refuse to date within their own group. My Persian girlfriends is constantly warning me to stay away from them and my Mexican girlfriend is dating a Persian guy who refuses to date Persian girls. I love my friends but I prefer to let my own experiences dictate who I date, not hearsay.
OMG they are so beautiful!!! I love how they blended their cultures!! Beautiful wedding!! They should so be in a magazine!!
9 months, 2 weeks ago on Nicky and David – From School Crush to Marriage
@JJHorton1234 @ScorpioEnigma09 Me too. She said so many times that she loved her job and playing Carter. So her wanting to do more movies is a load of crap and is just what she's contractually obligated to say to mitigate people's anger. The fact that she's being forced to act like she made the choice to leave infuriates me.
9 months, 2 weeks ago on Person of Interest jumps the shark in season three: can it land on its feet?
I love how people who aren't happy with the show are accused of being untrue POI fans. It's only a TV show. I understand that some fans like where the show is headed, and that's their right but not everyone is and the ratings prove it. This time last year POI had it's highest ratings ever and now I wouldn't be surprised if viewer numbers dip below 10 million. Nolan created this show, fine but without the viewers he has no show. So it would seem to me he wouldn't want to piss us off, but that's exactly what he's done. This isn't progression, IMO. You can progress the show without losing what made the show so amazing to begin with. If this is what Nolan always had in mind, he should've started with this. Because now people understandably feel betrayed and deceived.
I was done with POI when Carter died, if Taraji wasn't on the show I wouldn't have even given POI a second look. But from what I'm hearing about where the show is now, it probably wouldn't have entertained me even if she was still around. I still would've watched to support Taraji but the love that I had for the show is gone.
AMEN!! I had no idea the changed backstory of the Machine. I was done with POI when Carter was killed and I haven't paid attention to the show since. But from what I'm hearing POI has gotten progressively worse and your article summed everything up perfectly. Great job. Carter being dead really is the least of POI's problems now. It's gotten so far away from what made it great which is really sad.
As for Taraji P. Henson, who played Carter, she says that Nolan always told her Carter would be killed off. She's always been a movie actress and never considered doing TV until Abrams suggested her to Nolan to play Carter. But anyone who pays attention to her social media knows how much she grew to love playing Carter and she was able to keep doing movies when not filming, like Jim C and Kevin C. I don't think she was ready to leave POI, no matter what she says on the record. I'm sure there's a gag somewhere in her contract and she won't risk being blacklisted by revealing how she really feels. Just wanted to put that out there.
@Tammy_Ghalden yep. but they'll open the door for a stranger if he's white. my next door neighbors are a gay white couple but the neighborhood is pretty diverse. my other neighbors are black and the people across the street are Asian.
anyway, one night last week around midnight, my family heard a woman banging on our neighbor's door screaming "help!!" and we see a man following her who we assumed was attacking her. our first concern was do either of these people have a gun. my family called the police. turns out the woman lived down the street and had a diabetic hallucination and the man following her was her husband but our neighbor opened the door to her and gave her candy and then she left, claiming she was better. we all were talking about had these people been black our neighbor would not have opened the door.
11 months, 2 weeks ago on Are Black Women Safe Anywhere?
@smartacus @cns or have a charger for your phone in your car. Especially if you're going to be driving late at night. I got one the day I got my car.
It's really getting on my nerves how little publicity Taraji Henson is getting for her role as Joss Carter on CBS's Person of Interest (not attacking the author, just a little rant about it generally). Just because she's putting on an Emmy-worthy performance this season and it's incredible how much she's been developed as a character. Her possible IR pairing with the lead male character is icing on the cake at this point. I watch Scandal and Sleepy Hollow but TPH as Joss Carter is my favorite black actress to watch on prime time and Person of Interest is the best show on TV IMHO.
11 months, 3 weeks ago on Who Are Your Favorite Black Women On Prime Time?
@Christelyn, Just a correction, the man in the picture under "Middle Easterners" is
Indian, thus South Asian, not Middle Eastern. I belong to the same Facebook groups as his wife.
11 months, 3 weeks ago on Black Women Need Men Like Cory Alexander Haywood Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle.
I don't think this has to do with race or culture. HRH could've been any woman and her soon-to-be-ex husband could've been any man of any race. IMO there are two separate issues here: 1) A woman marrying below herself, which almost never works out because of how men and women are socialized, and 2) why HRH married this man in the first place? I refuse to believe this behavior started only after they got married.
11 months, 4 weeks ago on Princess Learns the Hard Way “Project Help a Brutha” Often Ends in Disaster
@peaceandgoodwill Not just Americans. China, Korea and Japan are going through the same thing albeit in different forms. Unfortunately I think this is a worldwide trend as women around the world are getting educated and leaving men in the dust.
@_Toni_ @Savannah181 It was Ciara. Keri Hilson is with Serge Ibaka who plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder.
Funny, I'm physically attracted to South Asians more than any other group and aside from the black & white picture, this guy does nothing for me, LOL. He's handsome definitely but not really my type.
1 year ago on Man Candy Monday: Who Said Indian Men Ain’t Sexy? Upen Patel Sure Is!!
@zipporah @jazzyfae45 I was on a bus one time and I saw some guys I could've sworn were Indian. Then they started talking and they were speaking Spanish so I understood what they were saying since I speak Spanish and I'm like they're not Indian, they're Mexican LOL.
1 year, 3 months ago on A "Twisted" Commentary On Black Women As TV Love Interests
@jazzyfae45 You are not alone, LOL. I've always had a thing for Indian guys.
I was reluctant to get into this show because I didn't want to see the same old story play out yet again but after some hounding from my sister I finally bit the bullet and watched and I love this show. This article does a good job of summing up why the character of Lacey is so important for black teen girls to see TV characters like her. The comments against Lacey though are disgusting and despicable. But they're happening for the reasons discussed in the article.
@DWB It takes two people to make a marriage. My mom always tells me (and she's been married to my dad for almost 31 years) a marriage is successful or unsuccessful because of the actions of both people. So I disagree with the so called expert here. If he's trying to say as individuals we can only control our actions, and that we can't control what our spouse/partner does then yes I agree with him. But he's not being very clear. This "expert" has two strikes.
1 year, 5 months ago on Many Tips about Marriage are Wrong, Says World-Renowned Expert | Beyond Black & White
@ASwirlGirl Exactly. I hear the same thing. They need us to tell them what's wrong, hence talk about the problem.
@ASwirlGirl Oh I know from experience men don't like that, LOL. But if that's what Fertel means then he shoud've made that clear. All he wrote was "don't talk about your problems." He didn't say "don't overtalk your problems." But I agree, actions speak louder than words. But if you don't communicate and let your partner know there is a problem, the other won't know to change their actions to make things better.
I'm not sure how you can resolve problems without talking about them.
My problem with your post Christelyn, and I had to step back and think about it, is that you're attacking the cultural practices from an anti-Islamic perspective. No you're not criticizing Islam outright and you made the distinction between moderate and extremist Islam but you're still connecting the cultural practices you disagree with, to Islam as if they only happen in Islamic communities and that is disturbing. The practices you're talking about don't aren't inherent in Islamic cultures nor sanctioned by the religion. They happen all over the world.
For example, honor killings. That is a big problem in India which is 80% Hindu. Yes 200 million Indians are Muslim but if you research it, honor killings are a problem in Hindu communities also. Beheadings to my knowledge are a form of execution still practiced in Saudi Arabia, well that country practices a strict form of Islam known as Wahabbism (hope I spelled that right) and they have a testy relationship with the general Islamic community to say the least. Yes beheadings happen in Iraq as a form of terror but the Mexican drug cartels are also using it too. Vaginal mutilations happen all over the world not just in Islamic communities, why? Because it's a cultural thing.
I could go on and on but my point is, don't connect these practices to Islam or even extreme Islam because they happen in cultures all over the world. You can certainly do it but you look ignorant.
1 year, 6 months ago on Random Thoughts About the Boston Bomber--What's Your Take?
I wonder would there be this controversy if Obama made this remark about a white woman. My thought is no. I originally thought the whole thing was much ado about nothing. I met Kamala when she was DA for San Francisco since I'm from that area. She is a beautiful woman and my understanding is they've been friends for a while.
I'm not a fan of the Obamas but it seems like people are finding any reason to criticize them.
1 year, 6 months ago on Did President Obama Owe Kamala Harris an Apology?
Yep. I've always looked younger than I am. I'm 25 and I still look like I'm in high school. It's a bit annoying because some people still talk to me like I'm a child but I know I'll appreciate it when I'm in my 40s-50s and look like I'm in my 20s-30s.
1 year, 7 months ago on “Allure” Magazine Poll Reveals the Obvious–Black Women Age Well.
I'm going to give a PC response and a non PC response.
Here's the PC response: I can relate to this situation so much it's not even funny. I'm 25, finished my MA and should graduate from law school next year. One difference is I'm in the San Francisco area so many BW are in IRs here so seeing BW with WM, HM and AM isn't so rare. So I agree location is key. What's hard for me is that many of my classmates, Hispanic, Asian, white are married or engaged. It seems the only single women in my age group are black. I sometimes wonder if I'm doomed to be single. (Note: I realize this is an irrational thought.) I can also relate to feeling like you have a checklist of things to accomplish by a certain age. As much as I LOVE Europe (I've studied and interned there more than once and might do it again this summer) you don't need to move there to find a decent date. There are men in the US to choose from. Unless you're willing to wait until you finish law school and start working you will have to get creative about dating. I tried dating during my second year and I couldn't meet anyone I liked so I got frustrated and stopped. I'm now tentatively trying online dating. You might want to try that. I also agree about interning outside of the South or abroad.
Another thing to keep in mind is that statistics show that black women (educated/high income) do get married, it just happens later than for other women. Here's an article about it: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-in-limbo/201006/high-achieving-black-women-and-marriage-not-choosing-or-not-chosen
Now for the non-PC response: Things are not as they seem. 2 of my law school friends are in serious relationships, (one is Hispanic the other is Vietnamese, she's actually engaged.) Sometimes it's a little awkward when they talk about their SOs but they are also dealing with some major issues in their relationships, around jobs, money issues, where to live etc. Being a year from graduation, things are very much in flux for us as we try to get jobs/internships and think about what we want to do. I personally couldn't deal with those relationship issues, and get through law school too. Things happen for a reason and timing is important.
1 year, 8 months ago on Question of the Week: Twenty-Something Law Student Parched in a Swirl Desert
@tifa12 Deporting them is one thing. Putting them in work camps is another, which is what the plan would do. I forgot to mention that. How is that not what the Nazis did?
1 year, 8 months ago on Israeli Government Tacitly Admits to Medical Malpractice On Ethiopian Women
Disgusting. The prejudice in this country towards people of African decent is atrocious. Between this and the plan to deport illegal African migrants, the comparisons to apartheid South Africa only skim the surface. When I hear about the insistence that Israel remain a Jewish state, I'm like, you mean a white state. Because we all know Jews of all races/nationalities exist. And their actions are definitely comparable to Nazi Germany. And of course we (the US) are silent.
I may ruffle a few feathers with my opinion but here it is. It absolutely disgusts me how people compare MLK to Obama. People have been making this comparison since '08. But I digress. No one talks about this anymore but during the last year or so of MLK's life, he was extremely depressed as the black community had largely turned their back on him as he fought against economic inequality and harshly criticized American Foreign Policy as we stepped up the war in Vietnam. Many African-Americans didn't want to antagonize Lyndon Johnson since he signed the Voting Rights Act. I remember in a history class in college (I was a History major), we listened to one of his last major speeches in 1968 and my professor (white) talked about all this. Fast forward to Obama's first term and his foreign policy was very militaristic--the exact opposite of what MLK stood for. I'm not talking about Iraq/Afghanistan because we all know he inherited those wars, but Israel-Palestine, Obama's support for dictatorial regimes while championing America's democracy. If MLK criticized America's involvement in Vietnam after President Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act, IMO it's not a stretch to say he would criticize Obama's Foreign Policy now.
I'm not professing to know what MLK would think about Obama, I'm just going off the basics of what we know MLK stood for--nonviolence, democratic socialism and economic justice.
The race of people who make this comparison is meaningless because I know white people who feel the same way I do. I'm actually not sure what race has to do with this in terms of how people view MLK. He fought for justice of people of all colors and people of all races admire him.
1 year, 9 months ago on Is it Okay for 'Black' People to Compare President Obama to MLK? Some Say No...
@GetMeOutofBlackistan @Patricia Kayden Exactly. In March or April of last year 2 black men filed a class action against 'The Bachelor' after going to an casting call or whatever for the Bachelorette. It was dismissed soon after but it got people talking. I noticed some negative comments like, black people have BET so why the complaints. Some of the comments reeked of ignorance and prejudice. But a lot of people of all races thought there should be diversity on the show.
1 year, 9 months ago on ABC's "The Bachelor" is back -- with four Black Women!
ABC only did this because they were sued. Yes the suit was dismissed but it got people talking and someone probably threatened the money trail somehow. Next season it will be back to being all lily white.
Nothing much to say except Jimmy needs to decide what he wants, and be prepared to lose the other. It's unfair to be with a woman and allow his mother to disrespect her. I know I'd walk away. It's just sad it's come to this.
But let's not generalize Asian men/families and say they all hate black women/people because that's not true. I know of situations like Jimmy's but, I've read of and personally know BW involved with Asian men whose families have welcomed them with open arms. Or if not open arms, the man has stood his ground and chose his relationship and the family has come around. Blasian relationships are alive and flourishing LOL.
1 year, 9 months ago on Asian Guy Gets Serious with His Black Girlfriend, Mom's Response Stuns Him.
@Christelyn I would LOVE that!! Another vote for yes!!
1 year, 10 months ago on Question of the Week: "do you think it's unnatural to exclusively desire a race other than your own?"
@chilljill @JuneBug277 Wow. I have to say I'm surprised by that.
1 year, 10 months ago on College Girl Asks, "Why Do I Always Have to Be the Wing Woman?"
I have to say I was struck that he didn't marry a black woman given all the talk he's done about how he's valued BW's support in his career. I now see why he did that. But I've never thought he was as drool-worthy as a lot of BW do so that's why I could care less who he married. The "uproar" over this is funny and sad, IMO. I know many BW are concerned about the number of black male celebs marrying non-BW but we can't change it. I choose to focus on the men (black and non-black) who are interested in BW.
1 year, 10 months ago on Why Are These Bitter Chicks Hating On Michael Ealy Because He Married a Non-Black Woman? Oh. I Know.
I don't see my attraction to South Asian men unnatural because it's how I feel. It may be out of the ordinary but perfectly natural. I can't change it and I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. Nor am I ashamed of it. It's that simple. Anyone who thinks otherwise can kick rocks.
I love this article! I'm a total nerd and I just embraced that fact a while ago (I wasn't hiding it, I just never classified myself that way.) I will check out that site!! Thanks so much for sharing!!
1 year, 10 months ago on "Blerds": The Rise of the Black Nerd Movement
This put a huge smile on my face! I love hearing stories like these!!
1 year, 10 months ago on SwirlQueen: Blasian Love in Asia
I get why Britain is all excited about this but not the US. I guess it's because we don't have a Royal Family (unless you count the Kennedys) and while the QE II is Britain's head of state, Obama is a fusion of head of state/head of government. Trust if the Obamas announced a pregnancy we'd be acting the same way. I'm happy for Will/Kate but I'm not looking forward to the incessant media coverage we'll be getting for the next year. There are more important things going on like unemployment, fiscal cliff, Iran, Israel, Syria, etc. I know Will/Kate would prefer to have privacy themselves. I know I would. But she knows what she signed up for.
1 year, 10 months ago on Duchess Kate is Pregnant! Do You Care?
Great article. Everyone's entitled to their preference but BW who act like this make things more difficult for those of us who are interested in non-BM. It's dumbfounding actually because a lot of BW who go on and on about wanting NBABM are the same women all depressed because they can't find anyone. But I also blame the media too.
2 years ago on How Nothing-But-A-Black-Man (NBABM) Women Really Ruin it for Us