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@Christelyn @Ri74 "I don't watch television either. 90% of it is inane, brain-celling-killing bullcrap."
Agreed. I only watch documentaries on Youtube and a select few shows on Netflix, Amazon, and Hulu. The rest is crap. It reminds me of "Ouch My Balls" on the movie Idiocracy.
4 days, 11 hours ago on Once Again, Main Stream Media Awards Black Dysfunction, and You LOVE It!!
Great story Kesha. My mother is Black American and my father is Nigerian as well. We lived here in the States though and my parents are still together (they would have divorced I think if we were in Nigeria. You might understand why.). You have a very interesting view point having been raised in Lagos. I went only once as an adult for my cousin's wedding. It was awesome! Anyways, this was such a beautiful story and I'm happy you found your happy ending. It may not have been in the exact package you originally wanted, but is certainly what you needed.
1 week, 5 days ago on Kesha: “My Husband Was Not the Man of My Dreams”
@Renaissanceman @Browncow Exactly. Churches like King's Chapel and Universalist Memorial Church in DC where they still have a full liturgy and actual Christian worship (albeit without the Trinity or Fire and Brimstone) is rare. You have some UU congregations that have quite a few Pagans as well and they can also be hostile toward other faiths (let's be real here: Judaism and especially Christianity). They do try to gun for your membership and with it your money. They have a set amount or percentage of your income that you as a member are required to pay. My church does things by pledge. You can pledge whatever you want and your income is your business. I rather like that model better than requiring a percentage of your income. Anyways, I did like the concept of UU, it just didn't in my opinion deliver on its promises.
2 weeks, 3 days ago on Maybe Next Lifetime (My intercultural dating experience)
@Renaissanceman Interesting. I went to a UU church for a little bit. It was more of a way station until I rediscovered God through Jesus Christ in an albeit roundabout way. I'm more of a traditional Unitarian/Universalist before the merger. I agree that it could possibly be a good place for spiritual growth. Perhaps for your younger ladies here, it may not be very fruitful in the romance department, as the demographic in the UU church is older and many cradle UU's leave the church to either pursue their beliefs, or don't go to church at all. If you can find a UU church that is okay with true religious exploration (some congregations have a tendency toward hostility toward God and in particular Jesus) like a New England Church or perhaps the UU church in Tulsa Oklahoma that has theistic and humanist services, it can be a great place.
I put the first comment on your video. No need to repeat it here. I just want to give virtual hugs to the writer and let her know that she has a true good man and just smile and be fabulous in the face of all that crazy. Nothing infuriates a DBR more than you not caring what stupidity comes out of his/her mouth.
3 weeks, 6 days ago on Video: Sick of the Double Standards When Black Women Swirl!!!
@CS @Letta I just wanted to add that there is a company started by a Nigerian American who is a chemist and she started making her own products for her hair when the mainstream "natural" hair care products weren't doing it for her hair. She has "4c" hair and it is GORGEOUS. It is very well hydrated and very soft. She has a youtube channel and this is her website for her products http://www.obianaturalhair.com/. I've never tried her stuff, but it has received great reviews.
1 month ago on Home Made Detangler and Shine Enhancer…Apple Cider Vinegar!!
@onmywayup @Browncow @Christelyn @500and50 I've heard that as an alternative to bentonite clay, you can use rhassoul clay which is less drying to the hair or Terrasensials (sp?).
@Christelyn @Browncow @500and50 This is for a no-poo or cleansing cream method. You would add the baking soda to your conditioner and dilute that with more water. Then you put a cap on it and let it sit for about 15 minutes. There is a lady who is really taking the whole hair hydration to a new level by making it so simple. http://dubaidee4c.blogspot.com She took this method and completely broke it down to just needing a clay rinse every other day and flax seed gel. No conditioner needed. Her hair is soooo cute too.
@500and50 Baking soda is a way to gently lift the cuticle of the hair as well to allow the hair shaft to absorb moisture. That is great for women with low-porosity hair.
Well then. That's enough said. But you know sure as sugar that people will try to act dumb like they didn't understand the plain talk that you just laid down.
1 month ago on Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings…
This is so sweet. You two made me smile on the inside today. :)
1 month, 1 week ago on Kelly and Vallina – Put No Limits On Love
@Jamila I remember this one!!! It's so nice to "see" you again Jamila. :)
1 month, 1 week ago on Open Thread: Is Fighting Against the Black 72% Out-of-Wedlock Rate a Lost Cause?
@kennaGransberg @trinigirl1 Like +1!!!! I remember this. This is back in the day when "Janet Jackson Abs" were something to aspire to.
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Carrie: “Ulterior Motives: Are We Dating Interracially to Escape?”
Wonderful. I think that we in the United States get so wrapped up in our own culture and the history here that we forget that there are other people of African descent in north and south America who have different stories than the ones told in the USA. This is great work. Thanks. Keep it coming. :)
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Black Women in History: A Nineteenth Century Image of Black Beauty From Lima, Peru
@Vivaforever Hand claps to you! I could not have said it better. I just love this community because if someone doesn't state the facts, some else will and give you a whole new perspective. I agree. Black women (heck, Black people in general) think they are so low that they don't deserve better and will question you when you strive for more. That's in terms of mates, education, neighborhood, trying to save money, trying to defend yourself, or any general self betterment that you plan on taking.
I heard on the news that the man who walks and buses 21 miles to work had someone start a gofundme fund raiser for this man. Over $350K was raised for this man and I believe that a car dealership donated a new car for him. This man has to move out of his neighborhood (in Blackistan of course) because there are random people asking him for money and just recently a man who won $20K was killed by a young male because of it. So in those situations you have to be very careful and make your moves quietly or the death dealers will try to kill you before they "allow" you to do better. It's a shame that Black Americans are so brainwashed into thinking that to be black they must be the lowest common denominator when they can do so much more and be so much more. :(
After having read this posting and the replies so far, I've come to this conclusion. Yes, there are some BW who choose to date IR to "escape" Blackistan. There will always be cases like that. I'm going to bring up again the wonderful post of the ladies said about the BW where were dating IR in their working class neighborhoods. That just makes my day. You don't have to up off to the suburbs to get away from Blackistan. You just have to shift your mentality. Those girls may very well marry those guys and live blue collar lives, but guess what? Those blue collar White and Latino guys will be starting the small businesses that make the communities run, like being an auto mechanic, welder, plumber, or electrician. Those BW will do alright and have a husband that works to provide them a simpler lifestyle. That's great. It's also getting out of Blackistan mentally.
There are those of us like myself and Working Home Keeper who were always attracted to WM or non-BM. We didn't date and marry IR to escape anything. We dated IR to MAINTAIN what we were accustomed to. My father and mother provided me and our family with a great life. They worked hard to keep us in safe neighborhoods. Like I said earlier, they would take us to Blackistan to show us how we didn't want to end up. It was very important to them that we remain middle class or move up even higher. So Blackistani men were not even on our radar. BM weren't on our radar and even if they were, they were more like us in that they had their preferences too (happened to me one of the FEW times I liked a BM) and it didn't include BW.
We need to stop trying to psychoanalyze why BW have a preference for non-BM or want to pursue IR relationships and marriages. "They're trying to escape Blackistan", "A BM must have hurt them bad", "They're whitewashed", etc., etc., etc... Look, many BW are with WM and other non-BM because we WANT to be with them. These individual men are great protectors, providers, and producers. AND they're nice to look at. AND they're faithful. AND they make good fathers. AND they asked us to marry them. AND we said yes.
@The Working Home Keeper I also wanted to add that Blackistan was where my parents took us to scare us into acting right and doing well in school. It worked for me, my younger sister, and my brothers. My sisters (from my mother's previous relationships. My father adopted my mother's three oldest children. Another story for another time) thought they were being cruel for taking us there (during the day of course) and guess where they ended up? My father would ask, *Naija accent on* "Look around you. What do you see? Do you want to live here?!?! Well, if you don't go to school and hang around the bottom feeders this is where you'll end up." We would always say of course we didn't want to live there and I never have.
@The Working Home Keeper YES!!! I also did not reside in Blackistan. I didn't grow up around it and when Blackistan was starting to come to a neighborhood my family was living in, we MOVED. That's how we did it. So there was no escape. non-BM (WM in particular) have ALWAYS been my preference and they sang the same love song that I did. Courtship, marriage, growth, children, growth, and more growth. In that order.
@onmywayup @Cami2210 @Elegance @Browncow That's because we're still operating on relaxed and pressed hair rules which dictate that we not get our hair wet or it will either 1. break off as is common with relaxed hair or 2. revert back to being "nappy". So we're told falsely that we should only wash our hair once a week or two and then it's dry, dry, dry...
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Zara: ‘Bad Hair’ Blues – Not All Natural Hair Coils Equally
@Cami2210 @onmywayup @Elegance I agree. I have two boys and a girl. My oldest has "type 4a/" hair and it can get very dry and when it does, the curls just go in all directions. My younger son has type 3b/c hair and when it gets dry, it tends to look straighter than it is. My baby, I don't know exactly yet, but it looks like her hair will be between the two boys' hair type. I stopped using combs and shampoo on their hair completely and just water/conditioner cleanse with wetting the hair daily with a little conditioner and their hair is so pretty. My oldest son has the most beautiful little curls, zags, mini-waves, and coils and they clump up beautifully. Also, it doesn't take as much water for his hair to be saturated. Same with my younger son who has really sweet corkscrew/botticelli curls. Their hair is so soft and not at all dry anymore.
I also think that all naturals should check out or try CG or Tightly curly as a regular regimen for maintenance. You can still do your twist outs and wet sets if you want, and if you want to sport an afro all you have to do is use a hair pick.
@CamilleJones @candi79 @Browncow Just a note that porosity is more important than curl pattern in this.
@candi79 @Browncow @CamilleJones You can test it in a glass of water. You take a shed strand of hair and put on top of water. Just tepid water. Normal or high porosity hair will sink into the water readily. If you use warm water, it should do that also. But if your hair still floats at the top of the water, you have low porosity hair and will need to do things like steaming or using apple cider vinegar or baking soda (use a recipe, because baking soda can be rough of the hair if not done properly) to gently open the cuticles of your hair and allow moisture to come into the hair strands. I think that's it.
@CamilleJones Look into the Curly Girl method or the modified ones for low porosity hair if your hair is low porosity. Up the thread, you'll see a video by Protective Style Princess who has modified the Maximum Hydration Method that was perfected by Pinkecube who also has a youtube channel. There is also DanaBNatural, Rachelcpr, Aketafitgirl, and Msdeekay2012. All of these ladies have achieved or almost achieved what Lorraine Massey of The Curly Girl Handbook calls maximum curl hydration. This is a point where your hair without product is hydrated from within the core of the hair strands which result in the hair clumping up no matter what the diameter of the curl. All of the ladies I mentioned above have very small diameter or what is commonly known as "type 4" hair or "4c" hair. Check them out and see if this is something you would like to do.
@Loveinmosaic @Browncow I love Natural Me4C as well. She's so sweet and I love her hair. I'm subscribed to her on youtube. :) I'll check out Tanya's Black and Natural channel.
@ZaraChiron @onmywayup @Elegance Yes, I've seen it myself. There are some who are Fulani with the type 2/3 hair. I've seen some with 4a type hair all the way up to 4b/c hair. It just hair. If you take good care of it, it will grow and be beautiful. People don't even believe you if your 4c hair is really long that you're fully African what to speak of if your hair is looser than a 4c. I think folks have a very warped sense of what is "authentically African" or not based on features. It's like if you are supposed to be "authentically African" your hair is supposed to be super dry and unkempt looking except for a relaxer or locs or whatever.
@onmywayup @Elegance That's right! I love Protective style princess and DanaBNatural! I love Pinkecube and MsDeeKay2012 as well. They are all amazing in my book. They show another facet of the versatility of the type 4 textures of hair.
@Brenda55 @Browncow My dad has strategic gray. His is around his temples. He looks so distinguished. My mother inherited female pattern baldness from her father's side of the family (I'm thinking I'll be dodging that bullet), but they gray all over. :( So I think I'd rather gray all over than have the balding thing happen. My mother's health isn't all that good as well so that is a contributing factor.
@Brenda55 @Browncow Speaking of gray hairs...I just got my first three strands recently. No, I'm not plucking them out either. Two of them are in places I would call "strategic gray" because it's a little off center at my hairline. I actually hope that whole patch turns silver or white. That would be so pretty.
@The Working Home Keeper Congratulations and welcome to the world of natural hair. It really can be a fun journey. If you don't know, you can check out Rachelcpr, DanaBNatural, Protective Style Princess, and MsDeeKay2012 to name a few. Those ladies use either the maximum hydration method, curly girl method, or water only method. I'm going back to being a loose natural, but I want my hair hydrated so I'll be trying one of the mentioned methods above. I've seen the results and the hair care regimens are really pretty cool. All the best on your journey. Please note this is a natural hair journey, not a destination. You will love it, hate it, learn to accept it, and then appreciate it.
@kennaGransberg Oh yes! I just posted Jouelzy's video! She's telling the truth. Women with 4b/c hair will click on the type 3 and 4a hair videos but not 4b or 4c. I make a note to watch hair videos of women who have hair like mine so that I can see how awesome 4c hair can be. I'm hooked on Protective Style Princess now. She has the tiniest little curls and her hair looks AWESOME!
This reminds me of a video by vlogger and blogger Jouelzy who spoke on texture discrimination in the natural hair community. She spoke on why the channels of women with "4c" hair don't get all the clicks that women with looser textures get. You can see it right here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fggV0oVNhm8
I'm a natural woman with 4b/c hair and yes, there is texture discrimination. I went natural back in 2001 when virtually nobody was doing it. I just felt that I needed to embrace what I had. It was a hard road, but I'm there now. I have close to waist length sisterlocks (just over 9 years old) and I'll be cutting them off to be loose again (I'm also donating them to a natural hair dresser who will give me a free hair cut and use my locks to make a bridge or attachment for women with alopecia. I'm paying it forward!). I came to the conclusion that "hair grows". I don't have a desire to showcase length or anything like that. I just wanted my loose hair again. I've been watching some of the ladies from RachelCPR and DanaBNatural on youtube that their hair is nothing short of amazing. I want to see my hair manifest itself in its own way, just using some of their techniques to see if it would work for my hair. If not, I'll do something else and keep my hair loose. I've found that it's a choice that I have and I'm over long hair after having sported long hair for years.
Is Zara taken? I ask because I think Wes and Zara would look freaking beautiful together. That is of course if Zara is in a space where she is also looking for the love of her life too.
1 month, 4 weeks ago on Next Friday: A Date with Wes Murphy, Live on G+!
His hair arrangement reminds me of my husband. He balds the top while wearing a beard. I think it looks seriously masculine and I just LOVE it!!!! Yum. Anyways, you lucky ladies have a chance to get a date with this piece of man candy. My 25 year old self is very envious.
Another very good article. I feel the same way. I've never described myself as a "Swirler" because I just thought that I was simply attracted to men. I must say that you are simply lovely. Your eyes are stunning.
2 months ago on Zara: “I Don’t Swirl, I Date.”
I watched this one last night. I loved the dance! I had to stifle a chuckle since my husband was trying to read quietly. Yes, haters are one of the best unintentional advertisements for BW getting the heck out of dodge. He's like that Frank dude on a previous post, only angry and degrading. These males really think that being condescending, degrading, and making a laundry list of impossible feats will get BW to do as they say and put up with their shit. They're wrong. Heck I think there was a comment a while ago stating that even the lower class BW are mixing it up with men on their level. So there you go. The writing's on the wall and those who can read and following the direction to go quickly and quietly.
2 months ago on For Those Who Think Insults Endear You…Think Again.
@MariaAm It's yours.
2 months ago on When IBM Nonsense Doesn’t Go Over Well with White America
This was a great article. Black Feminism. Yeah, I can dig it. To me when I thought of feminism, I always thought it was about choices, but what I have come across in your garden variety type of feminism is that those choices don't include the choice to stay at home and take care of your family or be feminine. This new incarnation of feminism is often defined by how much you can take power away from men by emulating them rather than claim your power as a woman. I've read comments from white feminists about how oppressed women who choose to dress modestly are. They froth at the mouth because a woman doesn't want to put her goodies on display. Modesty shaming is en vogue now. But isn't that a choice too? Sorry to get off topic, but that seems to be something I've been observing lately.
Black Feminism looks to be a different brand and I'll keep my eye on it. I support all women in their choices so long as it doesn't harm others. This brand of feminism sounds promising. Is it in any way related to Black Womanism?
2 months ago on Mamie: Your (Black) Feminism Crash Course…
@PaoloP @ladyofmagic1974 Dude! I'm going to watch this movie now.
@Brenda55 @Browncow I'm at a point where I just don't even want to put the effort into being nice about this. Let's tell it like it is, no disclaimers. We know there are exceptions, however, there seems to be an epidemic of below average men thinking they're better than they are because they're being compared to some of the worst examples from their own group. Yeah, you look awesome in comparison to the man who has no ambitions, but you also think you're entitled to the world from BW. You better believe that if a non-BW came along not only would he be rubbing her feet, he wouldn't come with all that crap the way he expects BW to be for him. No. Dude will have to come correct or the non-BW will pass him by. Why do you think all these so-called "Good BM (tm)" keep coming to this space here?
@dani-BBW @jazzyfae45 Unicorns!?! Girl, they're just donkeys with strap on horns trying to convince folks they're unicorns.
@dani-BBW @trinigirl1 Oh yeah, so magical, they pay bills, protect entire communities, raise children, end world hunger, and peace reigns due to their mythical, magical genitalia.
Alright, I'm back after "No Media Sunday" at my house. I watched the video and I can truly say that this is a serious advertisement for BW to date and marry OUT. Frank, the single guy is just the perfect example of the type of man you run away from, not to. Like Jamila said, the only married one in the bunch is the son of Haitian immigrants, so that means that the other single/divorced guys are all Black Americans. Well, color me surprised (I'm being so totally sarcastic.)!!! So these other seven dudes are riding on the marriage of this one guy who is the son of immigrants to write a book about relationships and marriage which these "other seven" know pretty much nothing about.
As far as the IBM label, I will say one thing; These males are ideal and they aren't ideal. They are ideal...for Black men. They are coming with pretty much the basics except for the "immigrant's son" who owns his own business. Being an Ideal MAN is something altogether different. They don't know the difference and neither do most Black Americans. Being at the top of the trash heap is still being in the trash heap. They just think because they aren't at the bottom of the bin they can call themselves exceptional when in comparison to other men who protect, provide and produce regularly for the women and children of their own ethnic groups, they look foolish, weak, and substandard. So I will thank them for the free advertisement for Black American Women dating and marrying out, and letting the world see what BW have to deal with. Smooches. :)
@torgodog I agree. The last episode was freaking creepy. I loved it even though I'm not a big fan of Katrina. I also was happy so see Irving as well. I'm just not sure how he's living and breathing. Perhaps Katrina's healing spell worked and Irving didn't exactly die, but was put in a sort of stasis while his wounds healed? Or Henry is calling his payment due. I do love John Noble's voice though. He is a great actor.
As far as Abbie being a witch in training, that would be ideal for me. It would make her more interesting and also give their team a much needed power boost. I would think that would be possible considering she is from a long line of witches. It makes sense. I'm also in the camp of not caring whether Ichabod and Abbie get together or not. I don't think that is supposed to be a part of their dynamic, however I am not opposed to it so long as it doesn't look or feel forced or contrived. It would be nice if Abbie could have some love life. The only guys she was truly connected to are either dead or an undead demon. That makes it a bit hard to get your love on if you know what I mean.
Perhaps now that Abraham is the new Lord or Purgatory he will enlist Henry again as a Horseman. I'm still wondering where the heck that Kindred went off to. Considering it has Abraham's head, I'm wondering if he'll ever get it back. Also, heaven forgive me, but isn't the actor who plays Abraham/Headless just so totally yummy? He's gorgeous, but in a different way than Ichabod or Hawley. It's sad that there is so much man candy on that show, but poor Abbie's character seems too focused on The Mission to notice. Oh well. Let's hope that they get things moving or else this or season 3 will be the end for Sleepy Hollow.
2 months ago on Sleepy Hollow is on the Verge of Cancellation. What Happened?
@Maragirl "5. It is on the Fox network. They are notorious for not supporting their
own shows. They get a hit show and seem to do everything to get rid of
it. Ex: Not advertising the hell out of it."
You know, this kind of reminds me of Heroes. The show started out very strong with a very diverse cast and then it turned into "parade of blondes" and "save the cheerleader" and they lost their audience. It's like Hollywood is getting a big memo that we all want more diverse shows, but they stick to the formula and even when they start off being diverse and awesome they ease back into their old patterns. We need a show that sticks to their guns and doesn't cave to a minority of viewers that don't want to see change on the television.
I think what happened with Sleepy Hollow is that the second Witness Abbie Mills became a one dimensional character. Now, she is only about "The Mission". You don't see her have a personal life because she doesn't. All she thinks about is the next way to avert the apocalypse and that's about it. In season 1, she was Lt. Abbie Mills, a career driven woman who had a hot Latino ex-boyfriend also on the force and a hot Asian guy who made a deal with the big baddie in the hopes that she would be his prize. Here comes tall, hot, and British Ichabod Crane and the chemistry was undeniable. Her character has been pushed to the side even though she is supposed to be the second main ingredient in averting the "end of days". We're all getting tired of Abbie being pushed to the side for Katrina. I like the Jenny aspect and Capt. Irving, and I even think Katrina has her place in it, but the fact is that now they are being locked into their characters and not evolving. Their relationship is also not evolving. They're more "buddies" than anything else. She is even impervious to Hotley (Hawley) with his fine blonde self who clearly wants her. I don't know what's going on, but I don't like the direction the show is going. Poor Abbie needs some love too, you know. They even dropped the ball with the fallen angel Orion. She has many opportunities to get feminine, but it's like she's married to her job at the police force and as a witness so you don't see that. I hope it gets better. Well, at least we had last season.
@zipporah @oceanspray Yes. Which is why I encourage American Black Women to take a page out of the African Violet or Caribbean Flower notebook. They're mating and relating to non-BM and don't have all the racial baggage. Put your bags down ladies!!! Yes, vet, vet, and vet some more, but let's not put non-BM through all the flaming hoops and loops to prove that they aren't racist. Africans and Caribbean women in America are meeting and marrying non-BM and giving no f*#ks what anybody thinks for the most part.
2 months ago on Anti-Swirling Black Women And You: Why Their Loudness Means Nothing To YOUR Happiness
@kennaGransberg @Browncow @_Toni_ @Ri74 I told my sister once, "I don't do HUDbands. No HUD projects for me." I wanted a real man and I got one. It all depends on the man, but potential is for men in their late teens/early twenties, the age that men are getting their nest padded in order to be able to protect, provide, and produce. Any older and potential turns into wasted potential and that's like stale bread; it was good while it was fresh, but you can either make bread pudding, stuffing, or feed it to the birds before it turns moldy.
Great article! You get all the high fives and amens today. I especially loved this one:
"These poor women accept the same mistreatment as par the course because
they don’t know that men are supposed to treat them better, and that
blaming the behavior of these damaged males on white racism is one of
the biggest cop-outs in modern history."
Yes, Yes, YES!!!
@_Toni_ @Ri74 It amazes me how some women will go dumpster diving for a man and then act surprised when they end up with trash. They'll complain about it and all of that, but when a nice man comes along they don't know what to do with him because they're used to dumpster diving and getting trash. This makes my head hurt.