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@Christelyn He's adorable!!!! Exactly my type. Too bad I'm married. :)
1 day, 12 hours ago on Writer Reads “Swirling,” and Is Overwhelmed with Tears. Find Out Why.
@Audenitag How about, "How would I know? I've never been with a BM."
3 days, 22 hours ago on QOTW: “Help! My White Friends Ask My Black Girlfriend Dumb Questions!”
@The Working Home Keeper @Browncow @jdependance What day in September? My anniversary is on the 30th.
6 days, 13 hours ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@Vivaforever @Browncow Naw!! I'm not a writer. I actually met my husband on eHarmony. Yes, we're one of the successful internet couples people talk about. It worked out very well for us and 3 kids later, he's still my very best friend.
@_Toni_ @Browncow @SacLove76 I said the same thing!
6 days, 15 hours ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@jdependance Wait, my dear. Let's back up a moment from this train of thought. I am one of those happily (dizzy in love) married women on this site. I've been married for almost 9 years. Let me tell you, that there are men who want us. They just might come in unexpected packages. Yeah, it looks bleak, but it isn't so long as you keep your mind (and eyes) open to the possibilities. When you keep you options open, you'll be more likely to meet a nice man. You're totally worth it. Believe me. Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself and being angry about men in general, I started looking outside of my own religious community for a mate (my hangups weren't racial, they were "spiritual" and that can be just as limiting) and found a very nice guy who was compatible. I had another WM who wanted to be with me and though he was nice, he was too fixated on sex for my taste so I went with my husband who was really trying to get to know me, not my body. You don't need every man from every group wanting you. You only need ONE. Just one. Keep that in mind before you fall into that pit of despair. Men do want us. You just need one.
@Statuesque @Browncow I completely think so. I thought so. I thought that we were both "minorities" so with that in common, it wouldn't be a big deal. I was wrong. I think that BW do lower their guard when it comes to men of other races who aren't white. WM seem to make BW shore up their defenses like no other type of men. I know that people say that we emphasize dating/marrying WM, but let's be real here. WM are the ones who are marrying us. WM are the ones who love our skin color and kinky hair. WM are the most numerous in our country and so the odds are that if you're going to date or marry interracially, chances are, it's going to be with a WM. *Disclaimer*: Not all WM have rainbows and pots of gold coming out of their a$$es. The odds are more in your favor though if WM are a part of your dating/mating pool.
6 days, 16 hours ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@jillodelight @Browncow Yes. Please keep that in the front of your mind when dealing with these men. I remember a Vietnamese guy who wanted to date me. I thought he was totally cute and not at all typical in his build (he was tall and worked out a lot so he was big). We hung out and we were friends. He wanted to date me and the first thing I asked was about his parents. He told me what I already knew. His family would have had a fit. I told him NO. I said that we could be friends, but that was it. Nothing else. I already went through that and I've learned to stay away from East Asian men. He respected that and he respected me as well for it. So we continued our friendship and I would lay out a can of whoop ass at the arcade every now and then.
6 days, 17 hours ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
@dani-BBW @Browncow @SacLove76 Yeah. That happened. Looking back, that explained A LOT. He wasn't very enthusiastic about servicing my girly parts (without getting too graphic) and made me feel like I was dirty down there. My husband on the other hand....let's just say that I'm a very happy woman. ;)
@SacLove76 @Browncow You know the joke is on his family anyway. I found out several months after we broke up that after they were agonizing over him being with me, he dated another girl to his mother's liking and her family HATED him. They thought he was creepy for dating a girl fresh out of high school (he had been 2 years out of college). They also hated his family. Fast forward 20 years, this guy came out the closet and is married to a MAN. That's right. He was either bisexual or fronting with me. So his mother gets NO grandkids from my ex and I'm sure she doesn't know that he's gay. I'm SO HAPPY that it didn't work out with him. I have a fully HETEROSEXUAL man who loves my girly parts. :)
@Yorkshireman in Michigan @Statuesque @Brenda55 ^^^THIS^^^ is why many BW have more in common with White American and European men. This is why we marry men of European ancestry more than other groups. You guys WILL drop your families for us. I'm not saying all, but most of you guys will and we love you for it.
This cuts really close to the bone with me. My very first boyfriend was Cambodian/Chinese. The son of refugees who still couldn't read or write in any language that they spoke and couldn't speak English, this guy relentlessly pursued me even though I wasn't really attracted to him. I kick myself in the butt every now and then for falling for his personality which was really quite nice and charismatic. I was 18 at the time and very naive. Innocent is probably the correct word for it. I fell for his personality and after I fell for him, he told me that he would never introduce me to his family because they only wanted for him to be with girls of his ethnicity. I rejected him initially and he told me after I had rejected him over his family's prejudice that he would work on it. He basically only wanted to get in my pants, which with much cajoling and dropping of the "L" word, he did. He broke up with me three months later. I was crushed. My grades suffered, and I was severely depressed. He came back into my life a few months later and wanted to keep the fact that we were back together a secret from everybody. We continued to date off and on for another 3 years. I initiated the breakup. I had finally had enough. It was after I discovered that men were attracted to me. I mean seriously. I realized that all sorts of men were trying to get me and I didn't have to take this short guy and his family's shit anymore.
I can tell you right now, I had low self esteem. If I could go back in time, I would slap the shit out of myself for going with this guy and advise myself to wait for the nice Italian guy who you liked or the Sci-Fi geek you were good friends with and went to the movies with whenever something cool came out ( my husband informed me that this guy totally liked me, but I was oblivious to it. Damn). After I broke up with my ex I swore off East Asian guys. I had a couple of run ins with South Asian guys who found me attractive, but wouldn't take me seriously and one guy I was actually engaged to (his family was surprisingly cool about it, but he was an ass). I then swore off all Asian guys. That's just how it worked out for me. It wasn't until I returned to my first love (White MEN) that I found the love of my life, my husband. I'm sure there are some "ethnic" men who are great, but they are few and far between. At least that's my experience. The take away here is to not get so wrapped up in getting a particular ethnicity of man that you screw yourself over. No, there is no great "People of Color" solidarity because those guys have color issues too. They're trying to get with White women too. Take each man with a grain of salt and vet, vet, vet. If they tell you that you aren't on the "take home to mama" list, get to steppin' and tell him that you're nobody's bed warmer. Have respect for yourself.
6 days, 18 hours ago on Ladies, Be VERY Careful Dating Ethnic Men. Parents and Family Often Come First
And....she gets it!!! YES! Thank you dear writer for understanding the intent of this website. Believe it or not, what Chris is doing is for your family as well. For your daughters AND your sons. The message is simple; get the heck away from low class people. That kind of attitude is destructive and has been destructive to Black people for decades.
1 week, 1 day ago on Reader Letter: Black Woman Married to a Black Man Sees the Site for What It Is
What is this Tasty Tuesday? I've just committed adultery in my mind with this man! Damn you, Chris!!!! :)
1 week, 2 days ago on Have You Seen This Hunk? Nick Bateman Blows Up Facebook.
@robjk "They just need the revelation, once you go Russian you keep on blushin. :)"
Slow knowing smile...Eastern European men (and the descendents here in the U.S.) can be very satisfying.
1 week, 3 days ago on The Unfair ‘Options’ Media Message: What Do These Two Magazine Covers Tell You?
@Brenda55 @Browncow Karla is real good people. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her husband, but I'm sure it will only be a matter of time until we do.
Yep, you Philly girls need to get together!
1 week, 3 days ago on Feeling Lonely? Isolated? Use Social Media to Create Your “Circle of Support”
This couldn't have come at a better time. I agree with Chris, that to make friends, you connect on common interests and values. I just recently connected with Karla who frequents this board because we live in the same area. We live literally within a mile of each other and we met for brunch at a local restaurant. We had a great time conversing and I LOVE her stories. She's a great lady. We'll be getting together again soon. Heck, you may know someone right here on this site who lives close by and has common interests and values. You and your husband will make friends. I know it's hard (it's hard for us as well), but it's kind of like dating in a way, you just have to keep looking.
“Black America is a SHAM. The black
community is actively against Black women because our wombs produce dark
nappy-headed babies. Yet after waiting diligently for that
RARE Black man who desires and respects Black Women….I’m castigated for
accepting a White Man’s marriage proposal, even by lonely ass Black
women who share men or haven’t had one in years.”
You need to take this, wrap it up in a box, put a bow on it and mail it to Messence as a present. I could KISS YOU Kola!!! All of this statement above ALL DAY LONG. I don't get how women are going to try and use their crabby claws to pull the few of us who are trying to escape the barrel back inside. If a woman only wants a BM then she should be happy to see other BW leaving because logic dictates that there would be less competition for the NBABM woman. But, OH NO!! They're miserable so they demand that other BW be miserable too waiting for their purple unicorn with the golden horn to arrive. Guess what? He ain't coming. The only thing BM will understand is if a sizable number of BW take them off the menu when it comes to dating. I'm talking about 25-30% across the board, like in the UK. Then perhaps these males will get the picture. Maybe (I doubt it though. I've never seen harder heads than the ones Black people have and that's across the diaspora).
@Fiji808 "I have about 3 dates with 3 beautiful men this week alone"
Well alright then!!! You go and get 'em girl. I hope one is a love match.
@Karla @Brenda55 You did not just start talking about the reel to reel! My parents had one when I was little and at 5 and 6 years old, I knew how to load up a reel to reel tape player. Yes, I did.
2 weeks, 1 day ago on Open Thread: Reader Questions Her Commitment to ‘Black Love’
@Brenda55 @The Working Home Keeper @Karla I shop there and at Pier 1 Imports. I also love Swedish meatballs, but I prefer Kielbasa.
@The Working Home Keeper @Karla @Brenda55 Ikea furniture is good when you can figure out how to put it together!!! :)
@The Working Home Keeper @Brenda55 *hand claps* All of this ^^^^^ right here. You've hit the nail square on the head. Thank heaven for you.
It warms my heart to see so many BW getting in control of their weight. I remember looking at pictures from a time when BW for the most part were in wonderful shape. I've just started back with exercise after a cold for a couple of weeks. I don't have a gym membership, but I do have youtube and I just found this workout by Tiffany Rothe. She is built so beautifully and she has some seriously awesome workouts that are like only about 10 minutes. If that's all you have, she' really packs it in. Here is her 10 minute Booty Shaking Waist Workout.
You may not feel it today, but tomorrow, you're gonna hurt. I only did 5 minutes because I had already done about 20 minutes of zumba and bhangra so I was wasted. I'll be adding her into my rotation of exercise though because my serious problem area is my midsection and I want to get my waist back down to at least 28 inches if not 26 (24 was in my serious hey-hey day).
2 weeks, 3 days ago on More Black Women Taking Up the Fight to Tackle Obesity
Yes, this is an arranged marriage. The only thing is that there is a difference between say Indian arranged marriages and this reality show arranged marriage. In India, if I'm correct, the parents put out an ad or there is a family friend or someone who the family knows sets up the marriage. They mostly nowadays exchange photos, get a jyotish chart done for compatibility, and then meet. If they don't like each other, then it's off and no marriage will take place. If they do like each other, the wedding day is set and they get married. That is after having several meetings with on another. At least that is how it went for my friend. Her husband went back to India to find a nice wife, she met him, they met a few times, liked each other, and then got married. This show is basically based on a compatibility test and then you're meeting the man/woman for the first time walking down the aisle. That's a recipe for disaster when you're talking about Westerners who are accustomed to the idea of "love marriage" and not an arranged one. Many Indians and people of other cultures are brought up knowing that their families will have a say in who they marry (thus the very low rates of marrying out for folks in those cultures). The mentality is completely different. I wish these folks all the best, but I'm not too sure since arranged marriage hasn't been a part of our Western culture since before the Victorian era.
2 weeks, 6 days ago on Why “Marriage at First Sight” Is the Worst Thing to Happen to TV Since “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire”
@tonyrog "Coloured People Time"
3 weeks, 2 days ago on Ladies, Do NOT Date Interracially if You’re Too Suspicious of White Men. Please. Just…Don’t. (Letter)
People are stupid.. The end.
No seriously, I can understand being frustrated by such ignorance. It happened to me once. I was with my kids at a supermarket when the cashier (a BM) asked me how my baby sitting job was. I was like, "No. These are my children." He said that they couldn't be mine and I confronted him about it. "Why wouldn't you think they're my kids", I asked. He tried to clean it up saying that I looked too young to be a mother and that he's old school. I promptly told him my age (35 at the time) and he said he didn't believe me about my age. I told him I was old school too (I was implying that I was a married woman, but that flew over his head). In his defense, I do look younger than my age and two years ago I looked downright juvenile, but really? Telling me that I was too young to have kids when you know dag on well with an over 73% OOW rate amongst Black people that he has seen more than his share of young mothers. His being old school I gather was the implication that BW didn't date or marry out. He knew he was in trouble when I decided to probe him further and not back down. I don't play that. Anybody with two eyes can look at my oldest son and see my face, only masculine, but he has hazel eyes and blonde hair. My younger has my dark eyes and favors my father-in-law's family, but I'm holding him in a baby carrier with both of them calling me "Mommy" and this fool wants to imagine that they aren't mine. He obviously didn't know what a wedding ring looked like because I was wearing that too and he still couldn't catch a clue. This is the only time that I was questioned on whether my children were mine or not. I was questioned on paternity of my boys because one favors my family in facial features and the other my husbands family so in the face they look nothing alike. The person asking was an HW and I guess she thought that since ALL BW have multiple children with multiple men (*add sarcasm) that the case must be the same with me too.
Once again I say that people are stupid. The end.
3 weeks, 2 days ago on That Awkward Moment When Numbskulls Assume Your Biracial Baby Isn’t Yours…
@Christelyn @Gijou Thank you. We've been brainwashed into thinking that ALL conservatives are racists or all racists are conservatives which is so NOT true.
3 weeks, 3 days ago on Interracial Friendly States, City by City, County by County!
I hope this gets posted. Here is Minister Derrick Grayson who has a youtube channel that I've been following for a couple of years. The title of this post is Damn the Tithe...Pay Your Mortgage. As a preacher and servant of God he is one of the few out there who do not believe in the tithe.
I think he is such a great person and has a lot of common sense.
4 weeks ago on New Documentary on the Black Church Shines a Light on Prosperity Pimps for Dollars
This completely reminds me of my sister's church. You know which one I'm talking about. I remember her talking to a lady in the restroom with me about how she goes to this church with so many thousands of people and folks can't "just talk" to pastor because he has body guards and other such nonsense. It was such a turn off because I really prefer having a relationship with the person who is ministering to the congregation. This person is supposed to be a servant of God and his parishioners. The mere fact that the pastor can just "shoo" someone away is enough for me to know that I will NEVER participate in a "Black Church". Will I participate in a church that happens to have a Black pastor? Heck yes. The pastor of my multicultural, multiracial church is a BW.
@secretshopper This is what's called "Plan B Interracial Dating", exactly the type of person the gentleman with the query is worried about. I understand you have a preference and I'm all about you exercising your opinion on that, but if you have a preference for a "dark skinned BM" why not hold out for your preference? If you were dating a nice, respectful, cultured, attentive WM, but a BM came along who you were more physically attracted to and had all of the qualities of your WM, you would leave your WM and go with the BM? I'm just trying to get some clarification on this. My advice is not to waste the time of a good non-BM. Let him get with a BW who is sincerely attracted to him and won't bail on him when a preferred offer comes along.
1 month ago on Austin, TX Man Asks, “Am I the Black Woman’s Second Choice?”
@The Working Home Keeper The same for me! I've always had a preference for non-black men. I would find a few BM very attractive, but they were always the ones who were mostly attracted to non-BW so of course it just wouldn't work out. My preference has nothing to do with BM, it just always was there. Yes, I was teased mercilessly by Black boys when I was young and treated poorly by them socially and that may have steered me away from any serious romantic desires with Black American boys/men. For a while I just never thought that a WM would be serious until I became an adult. I still had a preference for WM specifically and I like how I'm treated. All I know about dating BM is from what I've seen my sisters go through with their husbands and ex-husbands. That and their friends who are married to or exclusively date BM. I eventually married my husband who is of Slavic stock (Croatian/Hungarian/Polish) and he's great! There are BW out there who have a serious preference for non-BM so a WM will never be "second choice".
Great advice Chris! Our young lady needs to move. I had made a decision that if I hadn't found love by a certain time, I was going to move to either Canada or Europe. I met my husband so I didn't have to go anywhere. She needs to really research an area because just because it's supposed to be a nice area for IR relationships in general, it my not be great for BW. Go to places where it's good for BW to date interracially. You could find yourself going to a place where the pickings are great for Asian women and BM and you'll be in the same place you are now.
1 month ago on QOTW: “Should I Move to More Interracial Relationship-Friendly Pastures?”
@VictoriaAntoine I can see Boston being a dating desert for BW, but going a bit further north may prove to be what is needed. I think Maine and New Hampshire have really nice folks. I've lived in Maine and the people were awesome. Granted, I was already married, but it was in New England that a man came up to me in the supermarket and asked me out and another pretty much announced to the entire store that I was "just so beautiful". So in my experience New England isn't racist overall. Yeah, there are a$$holes everywhere, but it's not everybody. Let's not judge all of New England based on the jerks in Boston. You could also look in Canada. You're close enough to find a nice guy from there. Canadian men are really nice and marriage minded.
Alright, this is my LAST word on this. I don't share and I won't share. The end.
1 month ago on Open Thread: Hotep-Dude’s Idea of a Legit Harem….You Know, for ‘Black Unity’
@Brenda55 @_Toni_ Really? So because bad things happened to your ancestors (not to you, but your ancestors) that's an excuse to cut up and act crazy? That simply defies logic. And THAT is why Black people in general and as a broken community will continue to fail until more people with sense start separating themselves from the lowest among us. You don't see other communities trying to have solidarity with their least and lowest. Black people need to do the same. Sorry, but this reaching down to pull up mess is only giving the crabs a hold on you to pull you down. There is no shame in saying you aren't associated with "those people", meaning the folks who just won't do right or act right. Once again I'll put my disclaimer: It's not about money, it's about attitude.
1 month ago on Riddle Me This: What Other Award Shows Have Actual Shootings and People Killed ‘Black Excrement Television’ (BET)
@tracyreneejones True. The difference between this Hotep MF and what you do is that you're free to love a number of different men. This dude is NOT going to accept one of the ladies stepping out and having a piece of d!%k on the side. Not one bit. You and your boyfriends/girlfriends/whatever all know about each other. I can respect that. It goes both ways. That's equal. The difference between poly relationships and cheating is that one person thinks the relationship is monogamous and the other thinks it's optional.
@JolieMelodie @Browncow @KendraTaylor Once you get started on research you get hooked. I've researched the subject extensively, since I am homeschooling this summer and will be homeschooling my oldest after his kindergarten year (he has an IEP, but I'm finding that he's better socialized at home and in public). My five year old is now working on 1st grade math and he loves it. My 3 year old already knows all of his letters and phonics. We're working on counting. They love to learn. It's almost unfair because they're so smart that it's easy on me to teach them things. I would encourage any parent who wishes to do so to homeschool. It isn't for everybody, but if you want to do it, you'll make a way.
@Brenda55 I read that this morning. It was AWESOME!!! Thanks for turning me on to BBG. I go there weekly to get my other source of sanity.
@KendraTaylor I'm going to chime in on the homeschooling front. Homeschooling is a legitimate way to educate your children and is legal in all 50 states though there are some rules that differ from state to state. For example in Virginia, one has to file an intent to homeschool as well as a description of the curriculum that will be used. In Maryland one needs to be under an umbrella group (like a distance learning academy or homeschooling group) in order to do so. Homeschooled children are not considered truant if a parent who intends to do so has taken steps to inform the school system that their children are being educated at home. So there is no punishment for parents who wish to educate their children at home. And no, it's not just for "religious wackos" or isolationists. Sorry this is off topic, but it's best to educate when you can.
@Brenda55 @Will E Uhm Like duh! It really grates my nerves that folks can't just think logically about these things. It's as if they are ignoring the fact that there are men from other groups all around us. Or maybe they just want BW to ignore that fact?
@Tammy_Ghalden @Browncow Well that solves everything. :)
@Tammy_Ghalden Well I know that Jason Momoa is married so you'll have to share him with Lisa.
Hotep my a$$! How about no? I noticed that the women had the household duties, childcare duties and IN ADDITION to that has to work outside the home. What. The. F#*k. The man "might have a job and the ladies have to bear the brunt of the work. Guess what? There are enough men to go around. They just aren't Black. I wish some BW would just begin to catch a clue, but you just have to leave the death dealers alone and walk the other way.
@The Working Home Keeper @Browncow That's mostly the case in my area, though I have met a WW/BM married couple at my son's preschool. They're both really nice folks. Most of the time though when I see a WW with a mixed child, she's single or the guy is around but there are no wedding rings to be found.
1 month, 1 week ago on Company’s Photo Discrepancy Gives Subtle Message to Black Mothers Versus White Mothers
@sparel @Browncow I agree. When I changed my hair from relaxed to natural it kept the creeps away. I attracted far more non-BM after growing and wearing my hair natural.
@hglimsher Are you talking about the person who took the picture, the folks who went crazy over it, or the author of this article? I just need a little clarification.
@Bunny77 @Browncow That's right! I found that depending on where you are, people don't even bother to look for a wedding ring on a BW because it's not all that common anymore. :( Perhaps we need a t-shirt that reads "I'm the real purple unicorn".
Well if the company really wants to put out a message of BW married with children, it would be more realistic to show a BW with a non-BM and their child since it seems to me BW who are open to dating/marrying IR are more likely to get married and be married when they have children. Just my own observation, there are no statistics to back up my claim. Unfortunately, this is the reality. This is why when my fingers were so puffy that I couldn't wear my wedding rings, I put them around my neck on a chain and wore a larger ring on my ring finger. I did not want to be mixed up with a single mother. Sorry, but that's how it is. I can't even get mad at people who would assume I'm a single mother. It doesn't happen to me though because my kids are mixed. In my area, BW with mixed kids means she's married.
@Vivaforever "The more BW twisted themselves into pretzels to appeal to BM, promoted
BM's physical appearance, and proclaimed they wanted a BM above all
others, the more black men's allure grew...particularly to non-BW."
Talk about your false advertising...
1 month, 1 week ago on Utter Hypocrisy: Let’s Talk About All the Dudes Hating On Eve’s Marriage