Browncow
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@KendraTaylor "As a sidenote, but not totally off-topic, why is it that when there's biracial people of Asian ancestry (Korean and Japanese, Chinese and Mongolian, etc) they're not considered biracial even though those cultures are vastly different from one another?"
I think that's because they are both Asian, East Asian to be exact. It's more like an inter-ethnic marriage like Irish and Italian than say Black and Asian or White and South Asian. Likewise here in this country I'm not considered "mixed" because both of my parents are of African descent where in my father's country they call me mixed. Here it's basically two different ethnic groups getting together rather than two different phenotypes. I hope this helps.
Halfrican. Well I thought I was the only one who classified myself that way. My brother, sister, and I called ourselves Halfrican because our father is actually from Africa, Nigeria to be exact. My mother is Black American and I can kind of relate a bit to what you're saying. Living in two different cultures and people want for you to choose. Here in the States the Black people that I came in contact with me always wanted for me to assimilate into the "acting Black" culture which was seriously on the decline. When I refused, I was called everything in the book, plus all of the African slurs out there. It sucked. An adult treating a young person the way your teacher treated you was wrong. I guess she thought she could lay claim to you when you clearly were confident in your dual heritage. I hope that my children grow up as balanced as you in these issues. I really enjoyed the article.
@Toni_M @Dandelion100 "Also, it's important to remember that traditionally, women thought not just about the life they'd have, but the life of their children and even grandchildren: Who you procreate with and marry isn't just impacting YOUR life, but GENERATIONS."
Let's repeat this shall we? This is exactly why it's important for women to marry men who are great providers. If you have no issues with being the breadwinner of the family, that's cool, you do you. However, traditionally the man is supposed to be the breadwinner so there is less stigma on a man who "marries down" while there is for a woman who does the same. A woman who marries down does jeopardize future generations of her family by marrying down. Marrying down isn't necessarily a financial thing either. Men who have gone to trade school are educated and are high skilled. So let's throw the college thing out the window. It's just as important for a man to choose the right major as a woman if he's to make a decent living. It's a social thing.
In Great Briton, many the families of the aristocracy were in financial peril. They just couldn't change with the times and wanted to good times to roll on forever. Some male aristocrats came to the Americas to marry female heiresses who stood to inherit LOTS of money. Enough to save their estates and property. The ladies were not received well in the aristocracy because they were thought of as marrying "above their station". There were few female heiresses in GB so these guys went to the U.S. to find rich women to marry. The women thought they had the lion's share of the money going into the relationship were considered to be "marrying up" while the broke male aristocrats were thought of as "marrying down". It was a social arrangement where the American heiress would get a fancy title and a one way ticket into the aristocracy and the royal families of Great Briton, while the dying aristocratic houses got a nice shot of cash from an American nobody with money. It was called "cash for titles". Winston Churchill's mother was one such American heiress and socialite. So marrying up or down is a social arrangement. These women stood to gain social capital and set their children, grandchildren, and future generations for life by being a part of the royal families of the aristocracy. Sorry this was a bit long winded, but I wanted to put that out there.
@Toni_M Really? I love chest hair. Makes me know I'm with a MAN. My mom and I were talking about this just today and said those European men have it going on in the masculinity department. I see more HOT European guys on television than Americans. It's like we want to keep men as perpetual teenagers or something, but these European men are deliciously masculine. And not in the hyper-masculine trashy way that passes for manliness here in the States. Yep, there are some nice masculine men here in the States, but they're always pushing up a guy who's too pretty to be straight most of the time. Henry Cavill could get it, put a ring on it, and keep it if I were single (that is if he's a good guy). Tom Hardy is on my yummy masculine list too. No wonder I love my husband so much. He's from Eastern European stock and those guys are masculine too. I guess I'll have to take him aside and show him my appreciation. :)
@Toni_M @Christelyn Yes. I'd take Superman or Lex Luther in this. Both were so cute! I had such a crush on these two guys. Yes! Save MEEEEE!!!
@DWB "It's funny to me, but I have to wonder when the outside world (both black and white) looks at my wife and I, do they see two "opposites" who somehow attracted?"
You know I had an older WW tell me when she found out that my then boyfriend (now husband) was White that she just thought that I would have more in common with a BM because of our shared race. "I thought you would have more in common with someone Black", was what she said. I basically told her very calmly and happily that the skin color is not what is important and listed all of the things that make us compatible. We both love the outdoors, games, good music. cooking, out passion for reading sci-fi and fantasy, interesting conversation, we both have our spiritual paths that we support each other in, not to mention the surface stuff of both being college educated in the sciences and both of us are from middle-class families. I told her that there were so many other things besides matching skin colors and hair textures that are important. Skin color isn't important. She pretty much shut up then because it just couldn't compute to her or maybe she didn't like the idea of me getting one of the hunkier blondes. Don't know. Don't care.
Being equally yoked to me means, economic, educational, social, spiritual (even support in your spiritual life or lack thereof is good), and directional commonalities. You can't be a high quality woman and look in the dumpster for a man and act surprised when he's trashy or doesn't know how to treat a woman well. He more than likely never saw how to treat a woman well so how the heck is he supposed to know? Any lady who wants to get married needs to heed Christelyn's advice. Take color out of the equation and list the qualities a man has and what he brings to the table. Don't grade on a curve because he's Black. Would you bring home a WM, Asian man, European man, or Hispanic man that paraded around like many of the BM who get a pass? I didn't think so. So why would you let a BM who has low qualities to be romantically involved with you? Be honest with yourself about this guy and if all he brings to the table is that he's breathing and has a penis, you need to let his ass go.
@dtfamu89 I'd like to second that for us Naija girls even those of us who are half like me. We're told that marriage is important and ALL of my cousins are married. Not a single mother in the bunch. On my mother's side of the family, there are single moms, though they are unique in that marriage is always encouraged and most of my female Black American cousins are married or have been married. Also all but one of my cousins who were in IR relationships got married. My cousins in relationships with BM are for the most part unmarried. Only a couple of them got married to BM. I do think that it is cultural, but please correct me if I'm wrong.
@zipporah @Statuesque @Brice Cameron I agree with this. Why don't we slow things down a bit? I think we need to let the poor kids develop their immune systems first before bombarding them with several strains of diseases at once.
@Toni_M Yes, I agree. People don't want the only "safer" alternative to actual intercourse or "just the tip" to be taken away from them. You can catch that stuff in your mouth. That's why I can't understand one-night stands and other frivolous sexual activity. Just because they "look" clean, doesn't mean they are whether it's a man or woman.
@Brice Cameron "They are dependent on you, but they are not your possessions and the government does have some right to step in when you are mistreating them. "
No my children are not my possessions, but they do not belong to the government either. When the government begins to step on my or anybody's parental rights, then they are saying that the children are theirs and not the responsibility of their parents. My children are mine and my responsibility. If I'm feeding them healthy food instead of sweets, McDonalds, and other junk, they will be healthier overall. I do think that this is a personal choice to vaccinate your children and many non-vax parents aren't that obstinate about things that they won't do preventative things to ensure the health of their children. They also won't prevent their children from receiving needed health care if it is necessary. Like I said before these aren't ignorant people who are jumping on a bandwagon just because they think it's cool and anti-establishment. They have weight the risks and benefits of their decisions and have found natural alternatives to vaccination. Some just keep their kids away from sick kids, make sure that they wash their hands and feed them wholesome foods.
I tend to like a hybrid model of medicine where we do preventative care under the guidance of our physician (who is a holistic MD by the way) and then use more aggressive techniques if the situation requires it. This was a great conversation. Let's just say we'll agree to disagree on the matter. :)
@Brice Cameron I'm not talking about people whose religion forbids medical care. I'm talking about the right of citizens to make decisions for themselves based on their own fact finding and research. Doctors and Scientists are not gods. My doctor knows that she is my employee and that I will go for a second opinion and do my own research before going through any procedure or take any drug. When I took that stance about my health, I've been a healthier person ever since. I haven't had a flu shot in 8 years. The years I had the flu shot, I always was sicker than if I just didn't get it. The last flu shot I received I not only had the flu that year, but also contracted infectious bronchitis. I also had a bad reaction to the vaccine. So, no thank you on that. As for smallpox and polio, I know of several families who do not vaccinate their children. They are the healthiest children I know. If they get anything, it's short and they aren't completely taken down by it. My children are the same. So are my husband and I. Vaccinations are great and I'm not saying that they're the devil, but I do know what is in them for the most part and have decided to give it only in the lowest and most necessary doses to myself and my children. If we go to a 3rd world country, you better believe they're getting their shots and pills and everything. I just don't think it's right for the government to force everyone to do something against their own conscience in regards to their health.
@Statuesque @Brice Cameron Agreed.
@Brice Cameron @Statuesque "Government needs to be involved to insure that everyone gets vaccinated in order to prevent the disease."
This is where I have a problem. It isn't the government's duty to enforce vaccination on any family. Especially if they don't wish to do so. Most of the people that are either selectively vaccinating or not vaccinating their children are very well read on the subject and sometimes it may be against their faith to inject the aborted fetus tissue, formaldehyde, monkey bits and the like into their children. When you get a vaccine the virus isn't the only thing you're injecting into your children. Modern sanitation and general modern day cleanliness has reduced disease in our society. If we truly are the constitutional republic that we say we are, forcing vaccinations on people who have actually done their research on it would be in violation of their rights.
@Statuesque @Brice Cameron Bravo! I'm also not getting the HPV vaccine. I'm already married to a faithful man who was not "out there" before we met, nor was I "out there". Sometimes prevention of STD's is as simple as being highly selective of who you allow into your personal spaces. Unfortunately we live in a culture that prizes promiscuity and we're coming up with these "vaccines" to pass the buck on responsibility again. My family selectively vaccinates our children which means we're only getting those vaccines that we deem most serious. Like polio and meningitis for example. I don't trust anybody who has a financial stake in this.
@HotToastAndButter "BUT attacks" OMG! You had me rolling on that one. Can I borrow it?
Well dang! It really does stink when women can't just be happy for each other. It's true you have to keep your eye on some women because you just don't know what their true intentions are at times. In my area, every time I go out, I see another happy BW with a WM. Friday, I'm at Whole Foods coming out with my youngest son as a BW/WM couple walks in. She's grinning from ear to ear at me and I'm smiling and happy for her. Both were tall and gorgeous. Yesterday, I'm on my way to get a sandwich (yes, Potbelly is a weakness of mine) and I see two BW/WM couples. The first couple was running hand in hand in the rain and the other was seated in the window in the sandwich shop. Two good looking, happy BW, smiling like life is just too awesome for words with good looking happy WM. I was so happy to see these women happy and in love and obviously adored by their boyfriends/husbands. Yeah, some women are going to be jealous of that. Some are going to try and get the attention of the man because she knows that he's dating a BW and why not her? We need to vet everyone in our circle. This has never happened to me from BW. If a BW has something to say about my marriage and back then my relationships with non-BM I usually told them that it's my business and their opinion is not valid in terms of my love life. Period. If someone has a friend who is trying to sabotage their efforts to swirl, well they need to drop her like a bad habit and keep it moving.
@Blackberry @WendyLBarber @Toni_M Well said. That is true denial. She still harbored many of her parent's prejudices. I feel for the daughter because this woman sounded like she only slept with a BM to get back at her parents and rebel. No love there. Just usage. Funny how the one who was so classist/racist against the BW and HW was in the same situation and the women who she didn't want anything to do with transitioned to independence while she's still on the public dole. She fell for her own hype about being better than other people because of her ethnicity.
@Blackberry @Browncow @DWB A transition off of services is what I'd like to see. The problem are those that wish to stay on and not work their way off of the assistance because it's easier to just get the free ride. What about job training? I thought that there was something like that in place where there was job training for those on assistance. Or heck, "work-fare".
@DWB "Because they want to actually help people rather than enslave them to poverty and government dependence?"
This right here. I don't like the enslavement of government dependence. Social services are supposed to be temporary. People are raising families for generations on social services. That is why people are getting angry.
@Brice Cameron @Toni_M @mzsunshine Honestly, they are trying to distance themselves from their fringe racist elements, but unfortunately you have their political opponents as well as a liberal media that benefits from painting conservatives as racists. I do agree that they need to do better to get their message across to people, but when everything they say or do gets blown out of proportion, the message gets lost in the name calling and accusations of racism.