LorMarie
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So true. It's the "competition" that discouraged me from adoption/foster parenting. I still think about the "what ifs" and even still desire to adopt a child. But from my experience, some family arrangements are preferred over others whether right or wrong. Still, there are many children that need homes.... Are the agencies being too picky or are people not interested?
As swirl friendly as I am, I'm ironically concerned when white couples or singles adopt black children. NOT against it, just concerned. With an interracial couple, you have two adults and when they have children, there is at least one that can identify with the child. HOWEVER, in all situations concerning building a family, I would NEVER discourage someone from having or adopting kids. I'd just say, play your cards right and your kids will be fine. I guess with transracial adoption, the biggest issue is making sure your kids feel safe even if you don't identify with the struggles of their race. If Aunt Sally or Uncle Jim makes a racist comment disguised as humor, that child will want to know that you will go to bat for her. With that said, this seems like a great family that made the right choice. God bless them.
Nope! I wouldn't choose it for myself and as far as my daughters are concerned, I'm going Bob Johnson on them.
@Jamila @LadyHumor @foreverhopeful @Christelyn
And let's not forget that many see BWE or advocating for bw the same way foes see feminism. What people must remember is that every ideology has their extremists...not just feminism.
@Jamila @LadyHumor @foreverhopeful @Christelyn
Has anyone ever done a post here at BBW about the positive contributions that feminism made to society? I think that would be a great idea if Christelyn is ok with it. Not volunteering anyone but Jamila seems to know a lot about feminism.
While the movement does have it's faults, I can't deny that it or some type of pro-woman movement is needed. This world is not a woman-friendly place.
I'm of the mind that a men's studies program didn't exist because it, like a white history program, actually dominates historical and modern studies. We already know of the contributions men made to society. I'd like to learn more about women, especially black women. I think it's important to keep a balance when it comes to issues regarding race and gender.
I also hate when women say that they are mothers AND fathers to their children. A woman can only be the best mother she can be. A father can never be a mother. These roles are not interchangeable. Let's be honest about that and work from there.
I agree but I'm careful about the references to daycare and divorce. I think that most people, if given the choice, would prefer not to leave their children in daycare. As my sister would say, daycare costs and time away from her children was a nightmare. It was hard on her and her husband. I also can't tell couples to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children. It can sometimes be more difficult to live with warring parents.
free sex? No disagreements with you there. It IS bullshit.
Well that's good to hear. Still won't embrace the label but I give credit where credit is due.
I haven't either. In addition, I've never heard a feminist say that there was anything wrong with a high abortion rate. Until that happens, I won't say that feminists encourage women to make responsible choices.
" I see nothing wrong with encouraging women to avoid unwanted pregnancies as well as abortion by making sure that the sex they have is safe, learn more about fertility and reproduction (it's not difficult to avoid pregnancy), or changing their behavior." -LorMarie
Maybe the above is what caused confusion. I meant encourage (motivational way) to make the above changes, not having others monitor their behavior.
Actually, I said we should ENCOURAGE women to make better choices rather than putting someone in charge. We are all aware that people can't be policed. Whatever the case, this is one of the issues that I disagree with and I also feel that it does more harm than good. So I simply agree to disagree with feminism and embrace labels that represent what I believe.
DWB, I've heard of them but mainstream feminists generally don't embrace these women. Anything other than being pro-choice isn't considered feminist.
I do not believe that the right to an abortion is fundamental to empowerment as a woman. I'm not pro-life but I also believe that the best route to take on this is prevention of unwanted pregnancies than the right to an abortion. Feminists don't appear to want to touch certain issues like responsibility...not because they may not believe in personal responsibility. For example, the billboards about black women and abortion enraged many. However, I will not deny that the abortion rate among black women is outrageous. Their argument tends to be "whether it's high or not, a woman has a right to an abortion." Do they not get that a pregnancy means that unsafe sex has taken place? (it doesn't matter if the condom broke). I see nothing wrong with encouraging women to avoid unwanted pregnancies as well as abortion by making sure that the sex they have is safe, learn more about fertility and reproduction (it's not difficult to avoid pregnancy), or changing their behavior.
Gender Identity- In another thread, I mentioned that while I do not support same-sex marriage, I will not join in any fight against it. So I'd rather leave sexuality out of my work as an activist. I'd rather work for women because they are women, not because they are gay, straight, or bisexual.
Race: the feminist movement from my POV is really about ww. I noticed this while interacting with them through various work efforts and what I read about them. They are really against "white male oppressing others" which leaves black and other nonwhite women at a disadvantage. I've heard similar complaints from Arab, Latinas, etc. I need a worldview that truly values and works on my behalf.
I respect some aspects of feminism and I don't believe it caused a breakdown in society. However, I can't embrace the label because there are many issues that I just can't compromise on. To me, radical feminists are just as bad as MRA's.
I'm going to go on a different route of advice than the other ladies here. Have you ever seen your boyfriend angry? Angry whether at you or someone else? The reason I ask is because you mentioned that he comes from an abusive home with a domineering father. Young men face one of two choices when coming to that kind of environment. They reject abuse (maybe get therapy) or they BECOME the men their fathers were/are. If you've seen him under trying circumstances and he kept his cool, then fine. If not, you might want to consider vetting some more.
As for waiting, that's a toughy. I don't think I would wait but then again, I don't know enough about your relationship. Just decide if you really WANT to wait for find someone else. Perhaps there is a guy that isn't so dependent on his family and won't need their approval instead of waiting 10 years for a doctorate.
Sad to say but I just don't think a relationship with an Asian guy is worth the trouble. This is just ridiculous! I actually considered opening up my dating pool to Asian guys. Forget it.