Steve Mattus
Denver, CO
- 15 comments
- 5 likes given
- 19 likes received
For those who have been shunned or rejected by their religious community, family and friends, who need to find some peace amidst that turmoil and find a new way forward living their own life.
Actualinfinity is a moderator of:
Dan - This post couldn't be more spot on. I am a bisexual, and in the exact same spot. I've been rejected by women solely because their fear that I won't be satisfied by them and that I'll HAVE to cheat on them with a guy. It's incredibly hurtful.
I truly empathize with you. Thank you for posting it. This is a message that needs to be heard far and wide. Bisexuality is grossly misunderstood.
Dan -
You are not alone. I came out as gay at 35 and by doing so lost my whole immediate family - my mom and dad and 2 brothers who no longer have anything to do with me. It also ended a 12 year marriage to one of the most wonderful women on the planet. And now, I'm going through a second coming out process, realizing that I'm more certainly bisexual than completely gay. It's a real struggle. But, the peace and joy that comes from honoring my soul, being who I am openly and proudly, even amidst the loss I've experienced is a gift I would never trade. So, my friend... you are not alone. You are loved by many thousands. And honoring your soul - who you really are - will cause rewards to flow your way you haven't even imagined yet. I send you my love, my support and camaraderie in this process.
Hey @LanaEqualityPhillips ! You left a comment! It's very appreciated.
You present a really common struggle - you're not alone. Fear stops us all at one point or another... sometimes repeatedly! I'll share a few thoughts that might help you move forward, as they've helped me and others.
First, the fear your feeling is a sign of two things - Number one, it means your probably on the right track. When you really want to do something and it makes you uncomfortable, this is a sign that it's exactly the step to take. Note: the benefit of taking the step might not be from the direct result you get. The benefit might come from what you learn by taking the step to begin with. Number two, your fear is a signal that you may be attached to the outcome; if you weren't, what would you be fearing, right? I could guess and say perhaps it's the potential rejection that you fear? If so, see the next point.
Second, the reason we often don't take action is because we caught in our story. I don't know if it's true for you, but it has been for me and others many times over. Notice your thoughts - when you think about asking, and the possible or likely results you're expecting, what story do you tell yourself? The only truth, if you ask, is that - you asked, and they said yes or no. That's all. Everything else is story. When you let go of the story, and center in on what's true, it becomes a lot less scary.
Third, when I'm in a similar situation, I often ask myself how the worst case scenario will be different than where I am right now. In your case, right now you don't have a team. What's the worst case scenario if you ask the folks you have in mind? They say no. At the end of the day, you're in the exact same scenario - no team. You're no further ahead nor behind. So, how will taking action move you in the wrong direction?
I could go on with more tools, and will if you would like me to, but for now I'll leave it at that, and see how it lands. Does any of that land for you?
I will close with this... sometimes we don't take action because we don't feel safe, or we aren't clear. The safety you need and want comes from you, and the Divine. But, it will also feel unsafe if you approach these folks out of the blue, asking them to be on your team. Safety is built through intimacy, connection and trust. Build those things with these individuals first, and the safety will naturally arise. And, be sure, if/when you approach them that you're clear about what you're looking for, why, and how they might be able to support you. It's not a bad idea also to be curious about how you might be able to be in service to them too.
Again, thanks for the comment! Keep us informed on your quest to build your personal team, will you?
Namaste.
@Infpalex Thanks Alex. Love the thought of being the person we are meant to be. We really do need those people that align with that. They don't have to be, or want to be, the same as us, but they give us the room to be us, and support us along that path. Beautiful. :)
Hey Sue @magnoliaswest ! Loving the gratitude challenge!
One of the things I'm grateful for is that you end the occasional sentence with, "yo". I love that! Makes me smile!
I'm also grateful for you. You are a powerhouse full of heart and love.
Gratitude is the attitude, yo! :)
jonathanmead , great post! It was great to get some perspective that even those we look up to have to make conscious effort to stay grounded in their "why". Yet, we see it over and over again in large and small organizations - they start off on the right foot, completely centered on their "why", and when they look back and wonder why they got derailed, it is very frequently due to completely losing their sense of why.
Your post really caused me to look inward and realign, checking myself to ensure I am standing on the foundation of my purpose. That reminder can never come too frequently. Thank you.
Every morning, I use a PAGE Card (Personal Alignment & Growth Exercise) card. It's a little business card sized 'grounding tool' I use to start my day. I review my values, strengths, and my "Why" statement, then it gives me a short "remembrance" queue, appreciation exercise, then I review the key states of "being" that I want to consciously practice, then a brief review of my commitments to myself and life. Takes about 20 minutes every day and really helps keep me grounded/centered. I also do an annual (week-long) and quarterly (1-day) life design work, which is focused mainly on this connection to why.
Thanks again for this insight. It takes strength and vulnerability to put this stuff out there. It's meaningful and appreciated.
This is so true. I experienced this for 35 years of my life until I finally gave myself permission and started really living the life I want! I quit my corporate job, moved to Chicago and now truly get paid to be me. It's incredible!
I refer to this "permission" syndrome as "having a case of the should's". We grow up believing we "should" live this way, "should" do these things, "should" be this way, etc. My catch phrase is, "There's no good should."
You're right on here... now is the time to start living. Today. This second. Thanks for posting and reminding us of this important lesson.
SocialMediaDDSLori Hey there! "Old" is just a story society tells us. Don't believe it! :)
Here is a Chicago-based Flashmob group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/63981428711/
I know one of the Mods - Jacob Young... he's a great guy. They post all sorts of great opportunities to get involved in stuff like this. Check it out, and let em know I sent ya! :)
Hey Lori , what's shakin? I love me a flash mob. There's a pretty nice facebook group here: https://www.facebook.com/improv.everywhere that captures a lot of the flashmob scene. I don't know if you live in a big city, but if you do, there are usually flashmob groups you can hang with. I haven't done one here in Chicago yet, but I hope to soon. I'm connected with the group that does them on Facebook, but I haven't made it happen yet.
I hope you find one to join in.... they really do seem to be loads of fun. Also hard work, but most stuff that's worth it is a result of diligent effort. :)
Do you like that TV show called "Mobbed"? I like the idea, but haven't really watched it much.
Cheers!!!
Lori Reminds me of this great quote:
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, love is knowing I am everything, and between the two, my life moves.” – Nisargadatta Maharaj
Love it!
I am not sure who I am today!?!? I'd like to think my coaching business actualinfinity is also me... for I am my business. But I'm also SteveMattus too. One and the same. Am I a duality? Maybe so. Maybe I am everything. Maybe I am nothing. Maybe I'm all the space between all and nothing. I don't know... I just like that song today and wanted to share. :) By the way... y'all rock.
SocialMediaDDSLori Thank YOU for starting this wonderful dialogue. I plan to write specifically about each song on my site at http://actualinfinity.com at some point in the near future.
Isn't it simply amazing that there are just 7 notes (A, B, C, D, E, F, G) and yet there is such an amazing variety of music? And even more than that - these 7 notes, combined with words can mean so much to us? Wow... every aspect of life is so deeply interconnected. Love it.
SocialMediaDDSLori Yes, this is actually my soundtrack... one of the cool things with Spotify is that you can take it with you wherever you are. I love that. So, I listen to this playlist all the time. I also have other favorites, of course... Music is such an amazing way to soul-connect with ease... I have it on all the time almost. :)
Lori , it's really hard to pick one out. Each song has a pretty important meaning for me. I don't often need a "lift" because I choose joy, most of the time. And when I'm not joyful, I don't resist those feelings - they are there to serve me - as long as I am interpreting those feelings in a healthy way. Make sense? Here are a couple highlights:
- Thankful - Josh Groban: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoygmylt2iM
- My Life - Robin Thicke: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoygmylt2iM
- Who Says - Selena Gomez: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKLkI1ZJYv0
- Beautiful Life - James Morrison: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAIg_LUU6x0
- What Doesn't Kill You - Kelly Clarkson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avYxiIRG4xQ
- Rise - Samantha James: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC7wvaFYZmk
- What Matters Most - Barbra Streisand: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OplVNCQPKo
(I hope those links work.)
Hi! What a great topic. I linked to my "Music With Meaning" playlist on Spotify (, but many can't access it due to Spotify's limitations. So, I was asked to copy my list and paste it here, but it's too long and the site won't let me. Grrr. Lori
Idina Menzel – No Day But Today - Live From Soundstage
Josh Groban – Thankful
Michael Bublé – Best of Me
Robin Thicke – My Life
Barbra Streisand – Get Happy/Happy Days Are Here Again (Duet with Judy Garland)
Brandon Heath – I'm Not Who I Was
Carolina Liar – Beautiful World
Chris Botti/Michael Bublé – Let There Be Love
David Archuleta – Good Place
Evanescence – Hello
Harry Connick, Jr. – There Is Always One More Time
Mariah Carey/Whitney Houston – When You Believe
Michael Jackson – Man In The Mirror - 2003 Edit
Peabo Bryson/Regina Belle – A Whole New World (Aladdin's Theme)
Michael Bublé – L O V E
Elton John & London Community Gospel Choir – Circle of Life
Kenny Chesney – Rise Up
Harry Connick, Jr. – Nowhere With Love
Shannon Saunders – The Glow
Jason Gray – Good To Be Alive
Jason Gray – Fear Is Easy, Love Is Hard
Matt Hammitt – All Of Me
Kristin Chenoweth – Lessons Learned
Gavin DeGraw – I Don't Want To Be
Selena Gomez & The Scene – Who Says
Travis Cottrell – In Rest
Jason Derulo – Together
Lauren Alaina – Like My Mother Does
Ben Folds – There's Always Someone Cooler Than You
James Morrison – Person I Should Have Been
James Morrison – Beautiful Life
James Morrison – Man in The Mirror - Acoustic
Kelly Clarkson – What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)
Kelly Clarkson – The Sun Will Rise
Me In Motion – Yes We Can
Me In Motion – Let Mercy Hold You
Manic Drive – Go Big Or Go Home
Samantha James – Rise
Lady Antebellum – Heart Of The World
These are the songs that keep my energy in the right place. There is so much more... and so much to discover on this post!
Thanks all for sharing!