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To read Breukelen Bleu's insightful analysis of the doing in Ferguson and black women's role in the mix. A must read IMO.

2 hours, 35 minutes ago on Live Tweeting from Ferguson; But Is @Jack Dorsey a Potential Ally for Black Women?

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@meusedada

Oh and nothing is wrong with you.  You are just encountering the unfamiliar so being a bit nervous is normal.  He is nervous too..

2 hours, 50 minutes ago on AAWG, ‘Savage Tango’ “Getting him to do more than smile.”

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@meusedada

They don't bite.  At least not with out permission.  They are just guys, don't take them all that seriously. 

2 hours, 51 minutes ago on AAWG, ‘Savage Tango’ “Getting him to do more than smile.”

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@dani-BBW @Brenda55 @lindsaynagle


OK got it.  Thanks.


"btw - Is pre-moderation on? My last comment went to pending status."


No.  Its livefyer being livefyer. Sometimes for reasons I fail to understand it throws comments into pending, bozo or trash for no good reason.


I just go into those folders several times per day to see what is in there and place the comments in the correct spot.


Being a retired lady I often times do not roll out of bed before 10 am so it take me a sec to get to that job first thing in the morning. 


2 hours, 54 minutes ago on AAWG, ‘Savage Tango’ “Getting him to do more than smile.”

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@dani-BBW @Brenda55 @lindsaynagle

Again help me out here.  How do you define immediate?

With in one or two sentences? During the course of a conversation on a bus? At a party?  What is the time frame here?

3 hours, 21 minutes ago on AAWG, ‘Savage Tango’ “Getting him to do more than smile.”

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@JolieMelodie @Divalicious @meusedada

Be careful there.  If you challenge her in any why she will accuse you of missing your psychotropic medication dose.

4 hours, 2 minutes ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@lindsaynagle

I have read this four times.  Not being a smart ass but I have to ask. How do you get dates if you don't trade phone numbers or tell the person asking a little about yourself?

4 hours, 7 minutes ago on AAWG, ‘Savage Tango’ “Getting him to do more than smile.”

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@Divalicious @Brenda55

A personal attack on a moderator.  That was not smart.

No let me correct that. A personal attack on the site Administrator.


That was really not smart.

15 hours, 15 minutes ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@dani-BBW @DWB

Attitude adjustments are in order for a certain segment of the male population.  They are not as much of a prize as they think they are.

16 hours, 27 minutes ago on How Yours Truly Played Cupid with New Power Couple, Film Maker Chris Silber and Dr. Misee Harris

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@Divalicious @Brenda55 @bellechose

So the problem with black men is black women's attitudes.


Brrraaaahaaahaaahaaaa.  Miss me with that one.

17 hours, 7 minutes ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@EmpressNK

I'm in.  Come on folks lets help make this happen.

17 hours, 44 minutes ago on How Yours Truly Played Cupid with New Power Couple, Film Maker Chris Silber and Dr. Misee Harris

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@docwatson223

What are you kidding me?

This site has tons of them.  Get on in here and tell your story man.

1 day, 2 hours ago on Here’s Another Rainbeau Who Just Came Out of Lurkdom

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@DWB @Brenda55 @jpopforever28 @Divalicious @BWC

That's what we get for mixing up all that DNA.  Don't know who is who any more. We ain't gonna stop either. 

1 day, 12 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@DWB @Brenda55 @jpopforever28 @Divalicious @BWC

Well this is a mess.  So the chicks who come here not digging "white" guys are really digging "white guys".

1 day, 13 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@DWB @Brenda55 @jpopforever28 @Divalicious @BWC

I beleive that is how they are classified.  A better definition may be non-European men. Is that better?

1 day, 13 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@DWB @Brenda55 @jpopforever28 @Divalicious @BWC

Asians East and South

Arabs

Latinos

First Nation

1 day, 13 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@ReneeMoore @zipporah

"But my version of camping is the Marriott without room service."


Girl you ain't never lied.

1 day, 13 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@jpopforever28 @Brenda55 @Divalicious @BWC

We know that 30% of our audience are men.  Most lurk however.  Women tend to dominate social media so it stands to reason that most who participate are women.


I would also like to see more male participation on the site.  It is getting there. 


Your emphasis on the word women is not lost on me.  that is not going to change anytime soon if ever. 

1 day, 14 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@jpopforever28 @Divalicious @BWC

"Me personally am attracted to MOC outside of BM and you may be too and many women here seem to be primarily attracted to WM so I think sometimes there is a misconception by us women who aren't primarily attracted to that (WM) that there's a white savior complex coming off the other members when there isn't."


Thank-you.  I would like to address this white man on a pedestal B.S. for a bit.


Point one. In the U.S. the largest group of males are white men. The are much more readily available for dating and marriage. 


Sure there are other non-black and non-white men out there and we have done multiply articles on the unique challenges of meeting ,dating and marrying them. Not to discourage but to give an accurate pictures of what the deal is. 


Point two.  Take a look at this site when it comes to male participation.  That's right, except for one Chinese man everyone else is a white men.


  Now it would be nice if other non-black men of color showed up here to meet and interact with the ladies here but they don't.  So what are we to make of that?  Savior complex when it comes to white men? Hardly. Some guys are just stepping up more than others and getting the attention. 

1 day, 14 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@dani-BBW


" UNFORTUNATELY, some friends of friends were apparently NBAB and were SO rude and stank the guys politely excused themselves after a couple of very icy minutes."


Ahhhhhhh what was that again?  Well what would ever give white men the impression that black women don't dig them? 

1 day, 14 hours ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@BreannaNouveaux

"Is it so hard to understand that not everyone resolves issues at the same pace?"


You said it.  No it is not hard to understand.  Some of us have been in that pit and know the way out. So don't get your nose bent out of shape when someone posts an opinion and an  option that was not personally directed at any one person specifically.  


If you chose to jump in front of the comment  and feel some kind of way.  That. Is. On. You.  No one directed it at anyone. No one told any one to button it.  What they did do is say time to put the big girl panties on and get to work. What is done is done.  Look at it and learn from it don't keep living it. 


None the less what was stated was valuable for those wanting the advice and I will not shut down the person who brings it direct. Some of us need it that way.

1 day, 15 hours ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@RhondaSpeights

Good for you. Look the ugliness in the face and move on past it.  Life is on the other side.

1 day, 15 hours ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@BreannaNouveaux

Compassion is not coddling.  Coddling weakens.

No one is shutting down anyone conversation or preventing anyone from telling their story.  No one is shaming.


Look ladies there is an old saying, "You can throw up your hands or put up your dukes."  Are you worth fighting for?  Is the like and love you want worth getting in the fray and making it happen for you. 


Venting the pain is just one step in the process.  What is your next step?

1 day, 15 hours ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@Christelyn  @Brenda55 @Divalicious @bellechose

Some folks need to accept that black men do not trip every black woman's trigger and not come into this space all amped looking for a fight. 

1 day, 15 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@Gijou


This is a dad.



Who ever tells you that your daughters don't need a caring dad in the house punch them in the chops. 



1 day, 15 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@Chicago404

Salt in wounds or a cold splash of water to the face. Neither are comfortable.


All you say is true for many black women.  Yet time marches on.  How long do you carry this? Seriously? Why do battle with women who have successfully accomplished the goal that many who visit this site seek to accomplish? Why pick the advice apart looking for why what coupled women advise won't work for you? Why waste your time here if you are not going to try to heal and then move into a new direction. Each woman cannot do much about their past but each women controls their futures.

1 day, 16 hours ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@Divalicious @bellechose MODERATOR'S NOTE:

You are bringing up a whole lot of stuff that is not even in the article.

I am not going to allow you to ramp up the heat level of this  thread needlessly.

Chill or go.

1 day, 17 hours ago on Is It Okay to Discourage Your Daughters from Dating Black Men?

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@EarthJeff

Couldn't get them all in. Guess we are going to have to do a part 2 to this article.

1 day, 18 hours ago on SirLoins Babe Wenesday: Super She/ros

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@bellechose Thank you.  Glad someone finally said this.

1 day, 22 hours ago on UK Girl’s Response to Skinny Pickings for Swirling Across the Pond

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@ElLagoJeff @WorldTravelingChic @mystikspiral @BreannaNouveaux


Can I chime in here?


We have had men post on this site in the past that they have a much easier time successfully approaching Non-AAbw i.e. Black women from Africa and the Islands.  Do you find that to be the case?

2 days, 1 hour ago on QOTW: “Will I Ever Get a Date…Ever?!”

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@onmywayup @Leille


^^^^^^^^^^This right the hell here.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 days, 18 hours ago on QOTW: “Will I Ever Get a Date…Ever?!”

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@Leille


And I understand. Consider this. Forget about the world.  Tune it out and focus on you and that guy who may have been trying to bridge the gap to make a connection with your unique you. That guy at that moment was not thinking about what is going on in the world that makes black women feel the way they do. 

He saw you and smiled.  That is a positive. It also takes a chip out of that millstone.  


The smile was for you, not the world.  He was trying to tell you and not the world something. Get the world out of the darn way.  Get it out of your business and go on over there and find out what it is. At least smile back. Looking away tells him no dice and patches up that millstone. 


He has no way of knowing why you looked away just as you really have no clue why he is smiling at you, what he likes or what his circumstances are.  You filled in those blanks  At the very least mirror what he is doing. Be socially appropriate tell the world to shove it and smile back. Doesn't cost anything.



2 days, 18 hours ago on QOTW: “Will I Ever Get a Date…Ever?!”

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@Leille

"When a guy in the grocery store looks at me, who's very attractive, all I can do is look down or away because still, deep down inside, I think that actually, they would prefer the Asian girl in isle three."


Truth time. I suspect that this is the case with a lot of our readers who have dating troubles.  No one on this or any other page, no book, article, podcast, film or meeting can change that but you. This is the millstone that is keeping you from getting what you want and only you can remove it.


  Prince Charming is not going to come along to remove it for you.  Why? Because that millstone around your neck is keeping him from getting close enough to you to make that happen. 


Value yourself enough to pick up the sledgehammer and break through. The other option is to keep the milestone around your neck and be no closer to having what you want.

2 days, 22 hours ago on QOTW: “Will I Ever Get a Date…Ever?!”

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@MissFLondon @Brenda55 @Law Wanxi @SirLoinDeBeef


Good points all. Black American history is American history. Just as is the history of every group that lives with in her shores.  Just about every other minority gets short shrift when it comes to telling the story of America.  Black Americans are not unique in this. 


It is just that with black Americans the issue is unnecessarily contentious IMO. 

4 days, 13 hours ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@chocolateadmiral @Brenda55 @tonyrog @Swirlgirl28


And this is what it all boils down to.  No right.  No wrong just adults each with their own point of view making the life choices that suit them. 


I will explain the point of view that operates here.


As you acknowledge this particular site's focus is on a particular thread of the human tapestry, black women.


Black women are at the center here as they are on the increasing number of  black women focused sites. All else orbits and intersects around that axis. 


For many the idea of black women at the center as the primary focus is foreign to them. To some it is deemed selfish.  To some this is seen as an abandonment of traditional roles, status and access of talent and resources that so many groups have grown dependent on to the point of  un-reciprocated entitlement.  This is understandable give this historical position of black women world wide. Long suffering, ever giving selflessly of themselves until destruction. 


Today's black women seeks to explore and chart a much different course as is the right of any freeborn human being. Yet curiously there are those threatened by this exercise who seek actively to redirect black women back on the established path of community and black males first that offers little for the woman herself but much to those who have grown dependent on her labors.


It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks of what goes on here.  We do not have to offer justification nor is anyone really in a position to demand one. 


Again what we are talking about are black women and the choice that they make for themselves and not dictated by others. What we are talking about are conversations that focus of her, her interests and concerns and not what others deem should be important to her.   For some that may indeed mean walking away, for others that may mean rolling up her sleeves to clean up whatever mess she chooses to take on.  What she chooses to do is her call and we offer her the opportunity to explore her options freely with out having her exploration derailed in a direction others have grown comfortable with. 


As to what can and cannot be said on the site.  Who can and cannot participate, who can and cannot judge same and who is in a position to make some one's task harder. This is our Wheelhouse and the editorial direction has been set and clearly stated by the site owner. It is also subject to change as circumstance merit. There is nothing that can possibly occur in this space online by any given person that could deter the work done in the real world by those seeking to mend the fissures present within the black community. What is not going to happen is a shift in direction away from the editorial focus of this site which again is black women centered and focused.  

4 days, 13 hours ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@chocolateadmiral @Brenda55 @tonyrog @Swirlgirl28


"I suspect not....and at least back then he had a unified  community to work with....now as a community  we are fractured, and divided, and are burdened  with  entities who appear hell bent on the destruction of  black people....but does that mean that  no one should at least TRY to reclaim  a people who are in deep trouble ??? An absolute  and  resounding  NO....because too many vulnerable people are left  behind to either swim  or drown...and that is an unacceptable fate to leave them to.....caught in that  damnable circumstance  are too many black girls who CAN'T fend for themselves....who CAN't just  pick up and leave.....SOMEBODY'S got to be thinking of how to rescue THEM !!!" 


Admiral.  This is where your post got off track IMO. 

The black women who frequent these spaces are doing that in our own way.  You just do not like the methods or the limited focus.  You do not have to either since it is not your call how and for whom we do what we do.





"I just think  that to 'write off" an entire community and  dismiss them to  scrap heap of irrelevance , goes against  the ethos of who we are as a people."


An entire community? Hardly  Certain segments  Certainly.  These spaces are not about salvaging a community.  These space are and always have been about salvaging black women. There are many voices and methods but that is the prime directive. 



Re.goes against  the ethos of who we are as a people. Tell me about said ethos and the current state of black women. In that light what do they currently say about who we are as a people? 


"still for those who are  now struggling and   don't have "angels' looking out for them....to just  'leave them to themselves'  seems a bit....I don't know....selfish..."


Actually it is not. 



".just  relegating  them  to  DBR  status  without  at  least making a 'good faith effort'  to see if they are  "recoverable".


You do realize that no one has to do anything pf the sort.

4 days, 16 hours ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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If you are counting calories this meal weighs in at 507 Kcal (rice and fish) per serving. 

5 days, 2 hours ago on How Roasting Makes Everything Better.

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Got another recipe for you Chris


Jerk Cod and Salsa.


The only diffrence in the one I am making is that I am putting slivered coconut in the rice along with the coconut milk.


This should be good. 

http://food52.com/recipes/29240-jerk-cod-with-pineapple-salsa-and-coconut-rice


This is tonight's dinner along with a garden salad.

5 days, 3 hours ago on How Roasting Makes Everything Better.

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@harem @Brenda55 @Swirlgirl28


I do not think anyone put any person in any position in that mob scene in Ferguson.


Those nightly "protests" were disorganized, leaderless and pointless. No.  IMO the men and women who foolishly brought themselves and  their children just happen to land where they landed devil may care. Some stated in interviews that they want their kids to witness what was going on and/ or be a part of it. Really? 

5 days, 3 hours ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@Tammy_Ghalden @Brenda55

Well it seems that you addressed the situation directly and immediately.  I think that is a good way to go when race issues come up.


This individual does not seem to be a good guy. Did this incident happen in the beginning of your relationship? How many times did he make those kinds of remarks?

5 days, 11 hours ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@Tammy_Ghalden

After the incident with the lone white male you ever had a long term relationships with. How did you handle that situation?  How did your discussion about his attitudes re. Mexican people go? Did you address what he said then and there?  What were the nuts and bolts of how you handled this situation before you ended your relationship?

5 days, 12 hours ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@Tammy_Ghalden @DWB @SirLoinDeBeef

OK in an attempt to get this thread back into it's original direction  Tammy how do you and your Rainbeau handle news stories like the one we are discussing currently with in your relationship?

5 days, 13 hours ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@Sfbta

For real. I bet this is the stereotype of IRR relationships. Endless hours in heated debate about race issues.  What. A.  Drag. 


Quite frankly most of us who are actually in these kind of relationships spend very little of our time as a couple  on this mess.

5 days, 13 hours ago on How to Talk to Your Partner About Racially-Charged Issues

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@Yorkshireman in Michigan @Brenda55

I just copied and pasted the letter leaving the personal information behind. 

5 days, 13 hours ago on Christelyn Karazin Does ALS Challenge…Now You!!

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Proof that we did it.


 

Dear Brenda,

Thank you very much for your contribution to The ALS Association. Your thoughtful gift will help us accelerate progress in finding treatments and a cure for ALS through our global research program, provide vital care to people living with ALS through our network of ALS Certified Centers and clinics, and sustain our public policy efforts. Your gift will also help us support our network of local chapters across the U.S. that provides essential support programs and care services to people living with ALS and their families.

Thank you again for your generous gift. You have truly made a difference!

Sincerely,


Barbara Newhouse
President and CEO
The ALS Association


5 days, 13 hours ago on Christelyn Karazin Does ALS Challenge…Now You!!

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