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@GoldenPrecious

One always attempts to knock down the tower in order the make the chimney look taller.

2 hours, 11 minutes ago on Three men who say they are “good.” Three types of men black women should stay the hell away from.

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@ChocolateDiva


Here is the thing for me.  Why make this "Let me be the man" statement at all?


Black men's resources are their own.  Black men have enough autonomy from black women to come and go as they please so what is the problem?


Why the need for some sort of permission? Why the need for validation from black women?  Why the insistence in black women's buy in?


Just do it.  Just be it.  Just do you. Be a man. Be one on your own terms any way you define it.


Black men can do what ever the heck they want. 

They can choose to date a black women...or not.

They can choose to marry a black women...or not.

They can choose to support the children they have with black women....or not.


Black women's marriage rates and OOW birth rates are well documented. Black men like our friend above have made judgments regarding the desirability of black women. They have stated this chapter and verse. The have broadcasted it  clearly and frequently and for all to hear.  They have done this year in and year out.

OK We get it.

So where is the problem?


If we black women were standing in the way and blocking you from being men don't you think we would have block all of the negative messaging coming from black men?


I mean you would think that would you not?


so how does it work that black women will not let the black man be a man and yet we black women allow our marginalization, denigration and abuse at your hands.


How does that work exactly? 



2 hours, 13 minutes ago on Three men who say they are “good.” Three types of men black women should stay the hell away from.

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@International_Responder @dani-BBW @Rubywoo23

His wedding has been covered. It is just that the couple had the good sense and good taste not to allow their nuptials to be turned  into a pap fueled circus. The pests....er....paparazzi are complaining about the lack of access to the couple and guests. Fine with me.

4 hours, 40 minutes ago on People Magazine Shows Racial Shade During Shonda Rhimes Big Network Television Night

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@SirLoinDeBeef @mzsunshine @Geekette221B


"Yeah I know some of you guys hate a woman like me. I hear what you call me. As if living well, living comfortably, living a serene and secure life with a man who loves me to death is some how wrong.  Keep crying in the wilderness. See if I care. It is all noise and hot air and I have long tuned you and your kind out and have stopped listening.  I offer a toast to your continued irrelevance. Stay marginalized my friends."

23 hours, 36 minutes ago on Wake Up, Black Women! IRR “Permission” Is Never Coming!

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Meh.  Guess the relationship was not all that deep for either one of them so they split. It happens.

23 hours, 53 minutes ago on Is Robert Pattinson a Lame Swirler? Leaves Black Girlfriend to Save Himself From Online Bullies!

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Oh.  Can someone please tell me again why we should be at all paying attention to what black men, who we are not related to or have a personal connection with think?  I mean for the life of me I cannot see any reason that a black women who can support herself need do that sort of thing.  Maybe I am missing something.

1 day ago on Three men who say they are “good.” Three types of men black women should stay the hell away from.

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Chris, I am going to pop in here quick to point out that "Maurice" is six sandwiches short of a picnic.  It is all over his posts. A Poster child for psychopathology 101. 

1 day, 1 hour ago on Three men who say they are “good.” Three types of men black women should stay the hell away from.

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@Geekette221B

"A special note to WM: If there is a certain BW in which you have a romantic interest, and you would like to get acquainted with her, do not,hey  I repeat, do not ask a BM for either guidance or an introduction. Many of them do not approve of BW/WM IRRs. They will find a way to derail your efforts. Trust me on this one. Some WW and the NBAB BW will do this too. Either be brave and approach the lady directly, or talk to a person who is known to be supportive of BW who swirl."


This cannot be repeated often enough.  Had that attempt tried when Keith and I started talking to each other. The person in question was a co-worker 20 some years my junior. His age and the fact that we really had no personal connection made it easy to ignore him but what if this had been a actual friend or relative?


If you are interested then engage her in a private conversation and take it from there. 



1 day, 2 hours ago on Wake Up, Black Women! IRR “Permission” Is Never Coming!

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With Toni permission I am adding a link to this recent NYT article. Food for thought for many black women. 


Learning to love criticism. By Tara Mohr

http://tinyurl.com/pyfu4ye


"Criticism stings for all of us, but women have been socialized to not rock the boat, to be, above all else, likable. By the time a girl reaches adolescence, she’ll most likely have watched hundreds of films, television shows and advertisements in which a woman’s destiny is determined not by her own choices but by how she is perceived by others. In those hundreds of stories, we get the message: What other people think and say about us matters, a lot.


There’s another, deeper factor that informs women’s relationship to criticism and praise. For centuries, women couldn’t protect their own safety through physical, legal or financial means. We couldn’t rely on the law if our safety was threatened. We couldn’t use our own money to escape or safeguard ourselves and our children, because we could not own property. Being likable, or at least acceptable to stronger, more powerful others, was one of our primary available survival strategies. For many women around the world, this is still the reality, but all women inherit the psychological legacy of that history. Disapproval, criticism and the withdrawal of others’ approval can feel so petrifying for us at times — life-threatening even — because for millenniums, it was.

1 day, 23 hours ago on Wake Up, Black Women! IRR “Permission” Is Never Coming!

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@dani-BBW

Great question.  I will sit on my answer since I am very interested in what our readers feel.

1 day, 23 hours ago on The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife….

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@Law Wanxi

I am sure that this is a beautiful commercial but I had to stop in the middle of it.  I am going through this all right now and it hit too close to home.

My parents have been married for 62 years.  God willing they will make 63 this coming December. That part is in God's hands however. Our family just has to make this inevitable passing as comfortable and dignified for her as we can. It is never easy though. 

2 days, 9 hours ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall

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@Justme65 @Brenda55


I think that ignoring and avoidance are legitimate strategies when dealing with people one finds annoying.

Attempting to engage people one feels falls into the bully or mean category is often a waste of valuable time.

2 days, 20 hours ago on The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife….

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@Justme65 @Brenda55 Wishing will not make it so. Best to learn how to deal with people you regard in that  fashion. Since they cannot always be avoided nor dispensed with.

2 days, 21 hours ago on The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife….

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@Justme65 You are absolutely correct in what you say .   Life does have it's risks.

2 days, 21 hours ago on The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife….

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@beneal Thank God that you made it here. Participate and learn. A lot of women have been in your shoes and walked the path that you are traveling. Let them guide you to a better tomorrow.

2 days, 21 hours ago on Video: Black Women, Capitalize On Your Unique Assets!

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Just a few thoughts re. this story.

Public figures just love themselves some social media. 

Why do they love it?

Because they want to connect with fans and supporters.

Why?

Because they have something to promote.

Why?

Because they are trying to make a living and they want you to buy what they are selling.


Public figures got a long just fine before this age of social media where unfiltered access is expected. But hey this is the way things are done now. 


So now this unfiltered access turns around and starts biting the public figure in the behind. 

Easy fix.  Don't read this stuff.  Ah but the public figure can't do that because doing that interferes with their agenda which is  to promote what they are selling. 


Knowing this I do not cry much for public figures who put their business out there for the consideration of the peanut gallery jerks and gents alike.


I feel the same for the average Joe and Jane who can't wait to put their business out there for all to see and then feels some kind of way when a negative out come occurs. Expecting human beings to act in ways that most never have, i.e. like they have some sense of civility, since their appearance on this planet is naive. Human being can barely keep it together when face to face. Put electronic devices in between as a buffer then watch out.


So.  I am not going to lose much sleep over a guy, I have no personal connection with, who is butt hurt because some other person hiding behind a screen name said something nasty about his wife.  Each of us are the gatekeepers of the information that we put out there on social media. We have to self police.  No one is going to do that for  us. Use at your own risk.


3 days, 1 hour ago on The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife….

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@International_Responder For me this is the  point.


He is an entertainer. So long as he does well what he is paid to do  I am just fine with that.

I don't care who he is married to.  Black woman need to get off of this "He built his career with black women's support" nonsense.

He owes you value for your entertainment dollar. That is all.  


This ownership of random black men that black women have no connection to reeks of desperation and dysfunction.

It comes off as what it  is,settling for a fantasy relationship because you gave up on having a real one.


Wrong is wrong and online bullying is a issue for all of us who use the net. Speaking out on that issue is the right thing to do.




4 days, 2 hours ago on The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife….

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Well that made my morning. Congratulations and many years of love and happiness to Jacob and Joy.

4 days, 11 hours ago on Best Ever Engagement Video from BB&W Fans, Jacob and Joy!

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@notchocheese1


It may be but I ain't nobody stopping this train. 

4 days, 18 hours ago on The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife….

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@EmpressNK @Daisy_inthe_Field


Ladies. Re. Make-up application.

Do not wait.   Learn.

You Tube is your friend.

Here are some links to get you started with playing....and yes it is supposed to be fun....with make-up.

If it does not work out for you just wash it off and start over.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtVGEAgkyy8


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nADY4xoUZw


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBlA7IMY-pM


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H72bymOZHf4

5 days, 7 hours ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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@onmywayup

You write it. We will be more that happy to post it. Go for it.

6 days, 6 hours ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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@bleemorrison

We have not failed to acknowledge that some white men, some non-black men have fetish issues when it comes to black women.  So what?


We advise black women to vet and vet carefully the men they become involved with.


We also dispute that the word Swirl is a fetish word in and of itself.

6 days, 9 hours ago on Video: Black Women, Capitalize On Your Unique Assets!

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MODERATOR'S NOTE:


OK I am seeing some stuff in the comment section that I am going to address.

This line right here.


" Light skinned and mixed race women do not have as much trouble dating or marrying Asian men, so I don't understand why couples like these need to be featured."


This site does not and will not and will never exclude or marginalize light skinned, biracial and foreign born black women. Their stories, experiences and participation are welcomed and encouraged on this site and will continued to be featured.


I know that this exclusion thing is the case on some other black women's spaces, that is their right, but it will not fly on one where interracial relationships and expanding black women's experiences beyond these shores and the black community is a central feature. 


We are not going to do the exclusion thing in this space.





1 week ago on Another Online Dating Success! Yes; They Met on AfroRomance.

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@horrorjunky

Try downloading the photo to your computer and uploading it from there.  That's what I do.

1 week ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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Moderator's note:

For those of you who are posting with out avatars.  If you want one it is very easy to do.  Just go into your profile and you will see where you can upload one. 

1 week ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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@N2ition


That is true and these sperm doner's "market value" is in the hopper also.  Notice these guys never say that. 

Oh and before the AAbm Calvary rushes in here I am not talking about divorcees.  I am talking about Sir Sperm-A-Lot who has kids with different women all over creation and is not supporting most of them. That is about as much of a disclaimer as you are getting from me on this subject. 

1 week ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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 Racism White Supremacy (RWS) is what degrades and defiles the minds of all people of color in every area of life and if that is not addressed then there are no solutions. 


Do not believe this lie.


Marriage is legal for black people in the United States of America . RWS cannot not stop a black man from marrying and supporting the mother of his child. 


Condoms are legal for black people in the United States of America. RWS cannot stop a black man from using a rubber.


Notice these guys will never, ever, ever say that RWS  stops black men from sexing and impregnating black women in the first place. They never say that RWS prevents black men from using birth control. They never say that RWS blocks black men from marriage.


 I challenge any one out there to show me white supremacists who have successfully stopped a black man in America in the 21st century from marrying the mother of his child or financially supporting the children he has as a result of getting a woman pregnant. Please show me this. 


Funny how selective black men who think like our letter writer above are about what "degrades and defiles the minds of all people of color".  Seems it is not " in every area of life ".


This black women is not going to address any of this stuff our friend is talking about.   I walked away, refused to add to the dysfunction, refused to live among it and saved myself and my future. I put my life and needs first, opened my options and kept it moving.


I suggest you all do the same. 



1 week ago on Black Man Admits Hood Dudes Corrupt Black Women’s Wombs Through Sabotage, But Stops Short on “Swirling” Option

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@reem11 @Brenda55

That sometimes stands to reason since it is said we were made in his image and likeness. 

1 week ago on Yes; Daniele Watts Should Apologize for Crying Wolf.

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@reem11 @Brenda55 A lofty  goal that and not always met. It is right up there with judge lest  yee be judged.



Yet we all do sin and we all judge.  Having standards and setting limits is what we as human beings do.

We all discriminate to some extent. What none of us do is agree on where to draw the lines.


So we sinners all will cast our stones and dodge the ones thrown in our direction. It is all part of human nature just like offering support to those who later prove to be false.  Expresseng regret on that point is not casting a stone nor is it judging. It is acknowledging the facts of the matter and expressing your reaction to it.

1 week, 1 day ago on Yes; Daniele Watts Should Apologize for Crying Wolf.

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@idahjennings920


Thank-you for this post. Thank-you very much. Our reaction to how this story played out is not black women being hard on another. As outlined above it is our reaction to being had. 

1 week, 1 day ago on Yes; Daniele Watts Should Apologize for Crying Wolf.

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@reem11

I agree with just about this entire post.  I also see the irony of what passes for advocacy in the increasingly defunct B.C. which is why I do not pay much heed to their efforts. 


I agree save for the last line. I do not beleive that black women are being hard on Ms. Watts. Black women rallied to her cause.  Granted some more forcefully than others.  We saw that demonstrated on this very site. No I am afraid that there is nothing wrong with calling a charlatan a charlatan. She earned our low opinion of her.

1 week, 1 day ago on Yes; Daniele Watts Should Apologize for Crying Wolf.

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But, but, but I was being nice. Truly.  I really was.  Why doesn't any body beleive me????????


Because sometimes a lit cigar really is a lit cigar and most of us have an intact sense of smell.


http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/sep/22/angry-black-woman-new-york-times-shonda-rhimes

1 week, 1 day ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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A happy dance to celebrate this blog and the fine community of people who make it that way.

I salute our readers. 

1 week, 1 day ago on BB&W Continues to Touch the Lives of Black Women Across the Globe…

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@KingsDaughter


Wow I really dig her look.  thanks for posting this.

1 week, 2 days ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall

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Shonda Rhimes Is Not an “Angry Black Woman,” New York Times 1.5k 2.8k 54 By Willa Paskin 

http://tinyurl.com/mzd3w6s



Shonda Rhimes isn't an angry black woman and neither are her characters

Updated by Alex Abad-Santos on September 19, 2014, 12:40 p.m. ET 


http://tinyurl.com/mo5aw7m



How The Internet Reacted To The NY Times Calling Shonda Rhimes An 'Angry Black Woman'

The Huffington Post  | By Erin Whitney http://tinyurl.com/nqdjfag

'New York Times' Reduces Shonda Rhimes' Characters to Unfair Angry Black Women StereotypeKadeen Griffiths @kadeengriffiths

http://tinyurl.com/oud6uor

The New York Times, Shonda Rhimes & How to Get Away With Being Racist131,439121Kara Brown

http://jezebel.com/the-new-york-times-shonda-rhimes-how-to-get-away-wit-1636868442


"But, but, bbbbbut it was a compliment folks.  I meant it as a complement. I was being nice, not a bigot. Don't any of you see that?"
Nope.

1 week, 3 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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@ajrocks12x @Brice Cameron

And here is the money shot folks.  You knew it was coming.

Predictable.

1 week, 4 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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@smit44 @ajrocks12x


ajrocks12x gets it.  This person is attempting to convince you that you don't.

1 week, 4 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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@Joyce345 @Brenda55

How about that.  But if you listen to what the recently arrived gaslight salesman is saying you did not read those words correctly. You only thought that was a colorism jab. Spare me.

1 week, 4 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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Note to ajrocks12x.

Just cut it out. Seriously. Stop the foolishness.

Alessandra Stanley picked her words carefully to convey a message. Granted she is more than likely not all that good at what she does for a living as has been widely criticized. She does, qualified or not, have a platform and it does garner attention.

The words she used through out her article feeds into just about every pre-existing negative stereotype that most Americans have about African American women. If we on this blog picked up on that so have most others black or otherwise who read this. 

She was not speaking about nuance or multi- faceted or complex or assertive or even flawed. No Stanley was stoking fear, threat, instability, depravity and violence. She also played the ageism and colorism card to boot. So older,darker skinned black women are not conventionally beautiful? WTF. 

The BB&W community sees this and is calling foul. So are a lot of other people, black and non-black, male and female, who read Stanley's article.

I for one am happy to see this push back. People need to choose their words carefully when speaking about black women. #blackwomenhavehadit.

1 week, 4 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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@ajrocks12x @Brenda55


I do indeed know what I am attempting to do here.

I am informing you that I am not buying the steaming load of malarkey your trying to push here.

1 week, 4 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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@oekmama

The child can't help herself.  She longs for the good old days.

1 week, 4 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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@N2ition @ajrocks12x

And you community members are more than capable in handling these types so have at it. LOL

1 week, 4 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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@DWB

Of course these days black women are much too "uppity" and "independent" with "attitudes" so they are switching to Latina Immigrant women. 


Gotta find someone to do all of these icky jobs around the house.

1 week, 4 days ago on Shonda Rhimes Hands NY Times WW Writer Her Hindquarters on Social Media

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