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People do not just wander over the Beyond Black and White. You know that you are on an interracial site that primarily caters to black women seeking non-black men. You have been here long enough, July of this year to be exact to know that.
So why the question and the need for some clarity?
No one who regurally participated on this site is confused. We know exactly what our message is. To help you here is a short video that the site owner put together that will answer your question.
We are open to dating non-black men and it is true that many here see no reason to include black men in their dating pool. It is also true that during the course of men and women relaying their personal life experiences less that complementary things are said about black men. As with all human beings less than complementary things are a reality. We see no reason on this site to stifle this expression of the good and the bad in deference to some other person's sensibilities or to protect someone's feelings.
It is also true that many of our readers do indeed have a preference for non-black men and we see no problem with that either. None of us including yourself really have any control over the dating options of the adults who visit this site.
Your son's well being is of no consequence to us here. They are your son's and it is your responsibility to guide them through life. It is your responsibility to make them aware of their position is the world and the many types of people and viewpoints that they will come in contact with over the course of their lives. Many of us here have children of our own and are doing that very thing ourselves. Even coming here with the suggestion that somehow the dating options of the men and women on this site should be modified so as to not stigmatize your sons is patently ridiculous in my opinion.
Finally as to your point as to the race of the children that any one of us bear with non-black men I think you need to readjust your own thinking on that point. Interracial marriages and families make up 15 percent and growing of the U.S population. That means that who is considered black or white or whatever and how they define themselves will increasingly be up to those families and the children that result from those unions and not those who insist of holding on what will become outmoded ideas and attitudes about race. Nor it that any reason to deter any person here from making the personal choice as to who they want to engage in a relationship with.
Now I hope my response to you provides you with the clarity that you are seeking as to the purpose of this blog. We have seen opinions such as yours for many years and I expect that we will see yet more as time continues. In the end what do you really accomplish by coming into this community with opinions that have no influence on the choices that we are free to make?
2 hours, 20 minutes ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
Bosh. A person should have an idea of the kind of person they want to meet and would be happy with.
Shared educational levels.
These are all valid when it comes to finding a mate.
What exactly is this "good" thing? Good is such a general term as to be meaning less. Maybe the "good" men are having trouble because they have no clue as to what they are looking for themselves.
2 hours, 56 minutes ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
What is your definition of a nice man?
3 hours, 31 minutes ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
@temple @Brenda55 @Andrealindy
Well to be fair working to attain a medical degree is no joke and just about kills your social life.
That is one of the reasons that MDs tend to date and marry like. I will say this however if you are a black women in training to be a doctor and you are not open to dating IRR then your chances of dating anyone are nil. Black male Docs usually date non-black women. That is just a given.
4 hours, 30 minutes ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
But, but,but,but black men are saying that they are having a hard time finding quality black women who are suitable for marriage.
4 hours, 34 minutes ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
Ahhhh no. Sorry but no. Just look at the engagement, and wedding
photos and videos out there. Look at all of the husband and boyfriend
tag videos out there. Heck look at me and my man. Just average folks who have found success.
has nothing to do with looks or credentials or entitlement. This is
about learning what we who have already successfully dated and married
know. She has come to the right place to gain knowledge.
6 hours, 9 minutes ago on It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!!
@simplylois @Brenda55 @jazzyfae45
Among others. Didn't work put the way the intended.
7 hours, 35 minutes ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
@wanderingdreamer @Brenda55 I take it there are not many black women in Ireland.
9 hours, 25 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
@Sfbta @Brenda55 @wanderingdreamer
You must be a tad farther north of where I am. Pennsylvania is having a lovely time of it right now. 60 the 70 degree weather and a very slow leaf change this season.
As to winter. Well since I retired nine years ago I enjoy the season......since actually going out in it is optional.
9 hours, 26 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
Interesting reaction maybe. IMO not really all that interesting.
No one needs them to sign off on anything black women choose to do. It is a none issue.
9 hours, 35 minutes ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
Well I am at a loss. I live on the east coast which is going through autumn. This is a lovely time of the year as the leaves change color. My neighborhood looks a lot like the picture at the top of this page.
9 hours, 46 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
Let me guess. The West or at least the Southwest. Both are beautiful parts of the country.
10 hours, 6 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
"I mean really is it that hard to tell black women to expand our options. "
Yes it is that hard. It is very hard hence the push back. Remember, this space suffered an attack recently. Five years of work, five years of our stories vanished because some people have a hard time accepting that black women can and will expand their options.
An attack that resulted you all of us rallying in support of each other to build a stronger place to engage. There is a reason these things happen. So yes it is indeed that hard.
10 hours, 45 minutes ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
I understand that the Irish economy is still going through a rough time of it.
I would love to some day visit Ireland. I am told that the people there are every bit as friendly and hospitable as you seem to find the U.S.
10 hours, 51 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
Thank you for coming out of lurk mode. I meant every word of what I posted.
11 hours, 1 minute ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
Lets see football hero. Check.
Cute kids. Check
Intact black family image. Check
Glamorous wife. Check
Well that's close to most people's reality. Snark.
Yep. The stuff dreams are made of. What we need now is an interview in sound bite segments that really says nothing and will not offend his potential audience. Check.
His potential audience. That be you oh purse-string holders of the black community.
Ladies. It is all about your eyeballs. He needs you to watch so that your dollars can transfer to his bank account through the wonder of ratings and ad revenue. So ladies, beautiful ladies hold on and don't settle for less than you deserve but stray too far. No instead of going out and making it happen for your self just sit home and watch the pretty picture that I and my lady have painted for you.
11 hours, 5 minutes ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
Well I know that your goal is to someday settle in the U.S. and I hope that you do. Where are you living now?
11 hours, 37 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
I know it gets heated in this space when the colorism issue rears it ugly head. I am happy that black women of all hues can come here and talk about the damage it does them. I have had numerous conversations with Chris off line and I know that she joins me in assuring you and every women who comes to this space no matter her hue is welcome.
I encourage and welcome lighter skinned women to tell their stories. It is only through doing that that we darker skinned women can know that the colorism knife cuts us both and it is of no advantage to either of us.
We darker skinned women have to listen to women such as yourself if we are to give our own daughters, daughters we will be having with non-black men, the best chance to negotiate and avoid the colorism boob-traps that are set out there.
I have seen this sickness first hand as a dark-skinned women who is the daughter and sister of lighter skinned ones and have bi-racial nieces and nephews.
The dark women does vent her pain and in doing so focus on the lighter skinned women thinking that she does not have it as hard. That is wrong. Being valued for your skin color and hair texture is every bit as damaging as being devalued for the same things just because it is on the opposite end of the scale.
Neither the light woman or the dark women benefits from not uniting to throw off the shackle of colorism. Colorism puts far too much control into the hands of people who really do not deserve to control our destiny.
So when a story is reported here please see it as that and not an editorial judgement of lighter skinned women or bashing of lighter skinned women. It is just a statement of the reality that darker skinned women's self esteem is constantly bludgeoned by people who hold the lighter women as the standard of black womanhood. What the dark skinned woman has to accept and what you can teach is that the light skinned women's self esteem is also being bludgeoned when she is used in that fashion. Both of us are being hurt. Neither of us really wins but we can wrest control over this situation if we all speak out against it.
I ask that you not shy away from a story like this. I hope that you will participate and tell us your opinion from your perspective. We will all be the better for it.
11 hours, 51 minutes ago on Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But…
Sorry to hear about the break. It happens. Congrats on starting school. What are you taking?
Don't be a stranger. We are cresting a new online forum. It is slated to go live 11/7/14. You should be able to catch up with the off topic gang there.
12 hours, 28 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
Hey there. Long time not see. Hope all is well.
The off topic crew is not more. all have moved on for various reasons.
12 hours, 42 minutes ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
Ahhhh. Mincemeat pie is my favorite. Unfortunately is is so hard finding good mincemeat to make them out of. When I see something decent in the stores I stock up.
19 hours, 13 minutes ago on Is Pumpkin Pie for White People?
I grew up on pumpkin pies. I think it is more a regional thing than a race thing. My mom's people were not southerners......and mom did the cooking in the house for most of my growing up so we ate a more New England type cuisine. We got the sweet potato pie end of it from my dad's people who were from the south. Both are good as far as I am concerned and I do make both types of pie.
I have made pumpkin pie from the type of pumpkin that you are holding in the photo. However if you want to step it up a notch get the small red pumpkins. They are a lot sweeter and much better for making pies. The one you are holding will make a fantastic pumpkin soup. You can even roast the seeds as a garnish for the soup and on in salads.
19 hours, 15 minutes ago on Is Pumpkin Pie for White People?
Geez. That guy was a jerk.
19 hours, 24 minutes ago on On Vetting: Dump Toxic People Who Prefer You to Sustain Unhealthy Habits
1 day, 12 hours ago on SirLoin’s Babe Wednesday: Body Art
Have you joined Chris's Google+ page?
1 day, 13 hours ago on Contact
@Law Wanxi @Brenda55 @SirLoinDeBeef
"Trinh's reply was I looked just exactly how I should look, given the situation. "I don't want him to be too comfortable in that situation. He looks just fine to me."
BTW. Nice photo. You sort of look like the exec of the Chinese version of MTV (if anything like that actually exists) with the latest up and coming pop-starlets.
1 day, 13 hours ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
OK you up for doing this? With or without chopsticks?
2 days, 4 hours ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
Lovely story, lovely couple. Many years of happiness.
2 days, 6 hours ago on Neil’s Story: The Overseas Wedding that (Almost) Never Happened
@Elegance @BWC @Statuesque BWC has a valid point in my opinion. There is a reason white guys are expanding their dating and marriage options to include non-white women.
2 days, 10 hours ago on My Strong Is <em>Not</em> Your Strong, My Swirl Is <em>Not</em> Your Swirl: On White Women Entitlement Issues And Epic Cockblocking
@TeeTee2013 Tee Tee
When you are ready we would love to host a sample of your writing and help promote it.
2 days, 11 hours ago on My Strong Is <em>Not</em> Your Strong, My Swirl Is <em>Not</em> Your Swirl: On White Women Entitlement Issues And Epic Cockblocking
You are missing a few very important points.
1. You are making this about you. The women here have called you out on that and you now admit it.
2. A relationship with a black man and biracial children does not a honorary or pseudo- or quasi- black woman make.
You are a white women first, foremost and always.
3. Non-black women can come to this space and are very welcome. These tend to be non-black men who are involved with black women or want to be. I suggest you read their posts and catch a clue.
They do not enter this space and talk about the challenges of being non black men and attempt to use their personal experiences to relate to black men and women with the expectation that as they go so do we black people. They do not see themselves as honorary or pseudo or quasi black men because of their relationships with black women and the children they father with black women. They even rarely speak about the less than satisfying experiences that they have with non-black women. Believe me, black women know that this is true because they tell us during the course of our relationships with them.
No. The non-black men who come here have a goal and that is to listen, learn and inter-act with black women since their goal is a fulfilling relationship with black women and the children that they are raising or want to raise with black women.
They focus on us be cause they want us. They want to know who we are and what we think because their agenda is building a unified life with us.
So you see it can be done. You as a white person can enter this space and park your white privilege at the door if you choose to. White men do it all the time here. Since you do not you are going to get you behind handed to you on a pike and then run off whining about how badly you were treated here.
We ladies of BB&W are not here for that so you have a choice. In fact you have several.
1. Listen and learn.
2. Shift your focus away from you and towards the women who share the same race as the man you are sleeping with and the biracial children who are in your orbit.
3. Back out of this space and more on.
2 days, 22 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
Me after looking at this article (I said looked cause I did not read a word of the text)
3 days, 4 hours ago on Late Night Man Candy Monday: Welcome to Bollywood!!
You may not put in punctuation or sentence breaks but you did get in a record number of I's,me's and my's.
3 days, 4 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
@stephanie88 @Brenda55 @MeridithCConyers
Send it here:
3 days, 9 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
For all of you new people joining the site. I have copied this from our Terms of Service.
Stay on topic. Attempts to hi-jack threads by switching topics or going off topic will be deleted and subject to banning. When people attempt to derail the subject discussed the threads often stop being useful discussions of initial topics.
To the moderators:
What that means is that I and the other moderators on this site will remove any and all comments that stray from the subject at hand and away from this article's target audience.
3 days, 16 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
That is all well and good.......for you. However this conversation is directed towards black women and the men who are interested in relationships with black women.
Kindly respect that and do not incert yourself in the discussion unless it is to focus on the experiences of the targeted groups.
I found this:
Evidently Laini Nataka did write the poem and it is contained in the book posted above.
Anyone want to read her book and write up a review for the site?
3 days, 19 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
Other thoughts re. the Strong Black Woman trope for your education and enjoyment.
I feel that is is fantastic that we are having this conversation. Take a hard look at this, you are being pulled every which way but loose. Look at this mess and you may come to the conclusion that shutting out all of the hectoring voices out there attempting to get in your ear is the way to go. Carve out a quiet space in your life and think about what you are reading here. You see the hectors want to keep black women so caught up with their concerns that she does not have the time or energy to just be peaceful for a spell. They don't think she deserves it. So carve out some quite time for you. You deserve it and guess what you will find that you can shut out all of those hectors spewing toxic waste on your beautiful self and you can float free.
Well dang. I sure missed the party. See what happens with a bunch of black women try to have a peaceful discussion about how they want to define themselves.?
All hell breaks loose.
I have to ask why WW are even reading this?.........Oh that's right All the women are.....well you know.
And for those interested, including all of you eavesdropping on the convo, here is the poem mentioned below.
The Strong Black Woman is Dead
THE AUTHOR IS UNKNOWN
I have always liked the word Resilience.
4 days, 4 hours ago on “Dear White Guys Who Like Black Women, Please Stop Saying This…”
6 days, 6 hours ago on Daniele Watts Faced with Lewd Conduct Charges
@tonyrog @Brenda55 @ChocolateDiva
Somebody uploaded the whole movie on YouTube.
6 days, 7 hours ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?
@PaoloP @tonyrog @Brenda55 @ChocolateDiva
It was the Ghouls.
They can't count.
I received this question re. the new Forum that I will answer here.
@Brenda55 @trinigirl1 @SirLoinDeBeef @nkvnI've
been wondering, how will the forum differ from this site? I wasn't a
facebook user, so I don't know what the added value of that was other
than possibly an easy way to reach people than self-initiated
searching the web. What this site end and the forum be the new BB&W?
Would paid membership be a deterrent to the young, college aged women
who need to hear this message?Just curious.
diffrence will be as followes. Right now visitors to the blog
can read the articles we post and discuss them in the comment
section. Same with the FaceBook Fan Page. With Livefyre you
have more of a chat experience.
the forum there will be general sections and then under them there
will be sub-categories that any one can participate in. This
set up is user focused and user directed. Meaning you can start
what ever thread you want to get a discussion going.
example. Under the section for Interracial Dating we have a
sub-category for Over 40 IRR Dating. If that is of interest to
you click on it and start a discussion. You decide what you
want to talk about under that heading.
do not have to wait for the Blog to post an article for you to
respond to. You talk about what you want, when you want.
others are interested they will answer you back and the conversation
the experience will not be as immediate as the Livefyer chat
realize that many of you want a Chat experience and that feature will
be a part of the new forum.
space for those who want it.
space for those who want to post media.
will be a classified section
Feed for the news types.
to Peer section so that you can reach out to each other to help each
will be able to control the look and feel of your account I.E color
and font style.
will be able to ignore people that you do not want to communicate
with or read.
have read the suggestions that you shared with us in the two
Brainstorming threads and we have incorporated many of your
are being professionally created just for BB&W. This is
being drawn up by actual lawyers to make sure that the site and the
participants are protected and have the best experience when they
visit the site.
is what your generosity has allowed us to create and this...and more
is what your $9.99 yearly subscription will help maintain.
Forum is till a work in progress. I have seen it and am very
happy with what has been done so far. I think that you will
happy too when you see it.
6 days, 12 hours ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?
@caligirl94117 @Brenda55 @trinigirl1 @SirLoinDeBeef @nkvn
Excellent question. I will copy it and my response and post it at the top of this thread so that more people will see it.
That in not on her. That is on him. He leaked the arrest tape which was against policy so now he may kiss his 24 year career away. Stupid move on his part.
6 days, 18 hours ago on Daniele Watts Faced with Lewd Conduct Charges
LOL. Gotta love Grandma Chu.
On the Ebola front. Too much hype. The information is getting out there thank goodness and the response is markedly improving after the U.S's flat footed start.
I have to wonder however if a change needs to be made of placing health care workers in isolation for a period of time upon return from Ebola stricken areas. The west is able to successful treat Ebola if treatment is started early enough. The hitch is finding all of the infected person's contacts once diagnosed. This mad dash by understaffed public health officials is not a good look and is causing most of the anxiety among the public in my opinion.
6 days, 19 hours ago on Open Thread. Summer is over on to Fall
@trinigirl1 @SirLoinDeBeef @Brenda55 @nkvn
That is the beauty of having our own forum and making it a subscription site. Not only can your ISP be seen by the site owners but there is a record of payment information. That is true even with Paypal whose records can be accessed by law enforcement.
Meaning trolls are traceable. That comes in handy should the need arise for legal intervention.
Unfortunately the kind of language that appears in the post above is par for garbage that is directed at women and women's spaces all over the internet. No group of women is immune to online misogyny and it should not come as a surprise that there are men out there who hate and who will fall back to their default position of violence against women.
We see this all to often on our streets and at times among our acquaintances.
Worry will not make you safe. Being proactive and being vigilant, cautious and using common sense is the watch word in these situations. Documenting incidents and of course taking the attitude of if you see something ,say something is the way to go.
6 days, 19 hours ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?
Thank-you for posting this. I love it when older black women, women who know what it was like back in the day come here to school the younger ones. I hope you continue to participate on this site.
"Listen, BM have been swirling since the 1950s and all the excuses they used then and now fall flat because they are lies. They were always given a pass. Now, you are not giving them a pass, but moving on. I love it. If I could tell you about the destruction of the black community with the heroin, crack, crime, violence... Just date, don't date "at" black men, just date and marry based on mutual love and respect. I wish all of you the best, you are doing the right thing. I will continue to read and learn more."
This is it right here in a nut-shell. Just take black men out of the equation of your life all together and move on from all of it, the pathology that has become much of the BC and the toxic attitudes of far too many BM. Just move away from it all.
6 days, 20 hours ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?
Halloween is coming. The ghouls are out early and they have a laptop.
1 week ago on Could What Ralph Richard Banks Said in His Book Be True Regarding How Swirling Might Help Black Women Marry Black Men?