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Tina Turner said something similar to Oprah about seeing the movie made about her featuring Angela Bassett. She said she had lived it so there was no reason for her to see the movie.
2 days, 2 hours ago on Once Again, Main Stream Media Awards Black Dysfunction, and You LOVE It!!
@MySmile @Jamila @trinigirl1 @Neil Marsden @Christelyn I'm lucky 'cause my sister is a hairstylist and owns her own shop! I still pay full price though :(
When I first got it dyed she used a red by Clairol but it wasn't red enough in my book; then a few weeks later she used a cinnamon color on top and it finally looked the way that I wanted it to look. You can tell that it's a reddish color but most people don't even really notice it until I get my hair done and then people are like, "Did you dye your hair red?" And I'm like, "Yeah...8 months ago." Its faded with time and I love the color even more as it fades a bit and becomes more highlighted.
At the time I got it dyed I was heavy into interviewing for jobs so I didn't want a color that would be considered unprofessional or too artsy.
I like your color in your pics.
3 weeks, 3 days ago on Leona’s Love Quest : “Sheezus, It’s Hard Out Here for a B*tch!”
@MySmile @trinigirl1 @Neil Marsden @Christelyn I have reddish hair also and it doesnt look ghetto but i made sure to work with my stylist to get the color right so it wouldnt appear low-class. Highlights versus entire head; the shade and tone of the red; the hairstyle; the clothing you wear, etc., all make a difference in how the overall hairstyle and color are perceived.
@seslie41 @keimiasmoon @Christelyn Wait...you actually met him? He couldnt tell how dark/light you were from your pic?
@dani-BBW Geez, if she said that im glad i didnt watch the whole thing.
People have been going on and on about how Patricia Arquette just couldnt have been including black women in the comment she made because she didnt use the term black, but honestly i think that she WAS including all women--including black women--in her speech but its hard for black women to see themselves as WOMEN without any qualifier or without discussing black men.
3 weeks, 5 days ago on Issa Rae, Jacque Reid and Others Talk Interracial Relationships on “Nightly Show”
I got braces today! Ive always wanted to close the gap between my two front teeth and now im finally doing it.
3 weeks, 5 days ago on Four Ways to Be Your Best You
@coco78728 Amber Rose is smart enough to portray herself as multiethnic--which she is--because she knows black men covet racially ambiguous women right alongside white women and that black people will give cover and business opportunities to anyone who acknowledges an ounce of blackness. Amber is a hustler, plain and simple. ( And im not mad at her for it.)
1 month ago on Kanye’s Comments About Amber Rose Highlights How White Women Are “Always” Virtuous No Matter How Skeezy Their Past.
@AllysonRegis Amber regularly refers to herself as a thot and a whore on instagram, Ive never seen Kim do that stuff.
@alecsilva That is so crazy i had to google it to be sure it was true and.....
All of these people are so messy it hardly seems possible to be this messy.
@Christelyn @kennaGransberg Oh my.....Why do some of these black men seem to take pride in their ability to degrade a white woman? This photo reminds me of Malcolm X (Played be Denzel Washington) asking his white girlfriend to kiss his feet, or Kanye rapping about "black dick in your wife" when Kim was still married to Kris Humphries. As a feminist--a woman who cares about other women--I hope these white women know that these black men do not respect them as women, but mainly care about what they feel having a white woman on your arm represents.
Yep. The stuff that I've been reading on other blogs have really got me thinking about what these #blacklivesmatter protest really mean and if they will have any effect on anything tangible in black communities and I'm coming to accept that nothing much is going to change.
I remember when everyone was all hyped up about the Million Man March and then...nothing changed in black communities.
And now we have #blacklivesmatter, but even if all the racists were suddenly off the police force there probably aren't enough black men who could trusted to replace those racists.
1 month, 1 week ago on Open Thread: Is Fighting Against the Black 72% Out-of-Wedlock Rate a Lost Cause?
@Browncow @Jamila Nice to see you too!
Years later I still refer to this quote made my by "gem 2001" over at What About Our Daughters; I cut out some of it to conserve space:
"MARRIAGE is the tie that binds families together. Many of you are relying on families being held together by a marriage that occurred 3 generations ago. What about 3 generations from now?
This all feels great NOW, but look down the road three generations later. You're depleting the "village." There are going to be entire SWATHS of society where there won't be an adult male in sight because everybody's Raising Him Alone.
If the village was a forest and families were trees, what are y'all going to do when you get through chopping all the trees in HALF? You're wearing the HELL out of "the Village." If the Village were a spotted owl, environmental activists would be chaining themselves to trees right about now. The beloved "Village" is about to become an endangered species. The "village" doesn't crop up by osmosis.
I support single mothers. I support single mothers by telling them to REJECT this propaganda that Black women aren't entitled to HELP- from the father's of their children, not some "village" she had to cobble together.
Everybody wants to talk about the village, but nobody wants to maintain the Village. Nobody wants to pay property taxes in the Village. Nobody wants to do strategic planning for the Village. Everybody LOVES the village, but don't want any ordinances in the Village. They don't want any zoning in "the Village." The don't want the Village to have a homeowners association that enforces "The Village"'s rules and regulations. They don't want police to patrol the Village or enforce the laws of the village or throw those who commit violence against the Village in jail.
You take for granted that "the Village" will always be intact. When in fact MY GENERATION is living in the Village our Great Grand Parents and Grand Parents built and we're unwilling to make any investments in the infrastructure of the village.
One day, this all important "Village" will collapse on itself and the people who will pay the HEAVIEST price will be the people who rely on the "Village" the most.
Yeah, it take a "village" unfortunately there won't be a village in about three generations, why? because three generations of Black children won't know how to build a freaking Village. We have a Village because somebody fought to create maintain and preserve it. They were so good at constructing the village that despite our best efforts to burn it to the ground, the Village has some ever dwindling huts intact. They really knew how to build things back in the day. They built their village with STONE. We're building our modern village with particle board."
The family is the nucleus of any society; the family unit mirrors and is often the starting point of any dysfunctions that are obvious in the rest of society. If you don't have a functioning family unit then nothing else will function very well either.
All these #blacklives matter protests and other protests won't change anything on a large scale within the black community because you don't have enough functional families producing intelligent, hard-working, men and women who will go on to reproduce healthy families which will then produce healthy kids, and so on and so forth.
@EvilFrenchFries "I believe it's because it hits too close to home for a lot of black people."
I think this is the main reason why talk about the OOW birthrate, marriage, and what the lack of marriage means for black people in America gets stifled. there are so many people who have already gone down that rabbit hole that to talk about doing something different would mean acknowledging that most of the people you know (including many of your friends, coworkers, classmates, family and maybe even your own parents) did things wrong.
@Sameriah 99 @Keyasha Kanye isn't accepted by the fashion industry like some other designers because Kanye just isn't a very good designer.
"Wall Street Journal's Christina Brinkley called the collection a collision of "Donald Trump" and "Herve Leger," an indication of its general excess. West's more-is-more approach repelled critics, who not only found the styling gauche, but its materials inappropriate for the season. As The New York Times' Eric Wilson noted, "Though designers in Paris are presenting collections for next spring and summer this week, Mr. West’s collection was heavy on leather, fur and coats, some pieces dripping with so much fox you couldn’t tell if they were stoles or backpacks."Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/pictures/kanye-west-debuts-fashion-line-20111003#ixzz3RPjGDV2F Follow us: @rollingstone on Twitter | RollingStone on Facebook
1 month, 2 weeks ago on Zac: “ I wish a muthaf#^%*a WOULD,” and Other Kanye West Observations
Kanye West is the epitome of a coon. (Coon--via urban dictionary--"A coon is a black actor or actress, who takes roles that stereotypically portrays black people. They think theyve made it but they are slaves to the same images.)
Kanye West is an emotional, effeminate black man who is always up in his feelings and acts a total fool but the white people in the entertainment/media industry tolerate him because he's playing the coon role to a T. Kanye West is what happens when the soft bigotry of low expectations for black men allows black men to act in ways that would be totally inappropriate for any sensible human being but the black male is allowed to act that way because, well, he's a black guy, how else is he supposed to act? Amirite? How is a black man who has been downtrodden and not given his due (Kanye had a relatively privileged childhood, btw, and even now he is catered to in a way that few entertainers are) supposed to behave???</end sarcasm>
I liked Beyoncé's album, but I can see why Beck won. I bought a Beck album some years ago but had totally forgotten about him until Kanye decided to play the fool. I started listening to the song Morning Phase, the title track off the album that won, and I'm literally in love with that song!! I've been playing it over and over again. How dare Kanye West act like Beck is less of an artist or displayed less artistry than Beyoncé when Beck can actually create an entire album of great music all by himself--Beyoncé needs like 5 or 6 people to make every hit song she sings.
Did she say that because she was white and had blue eyes that she believed this meant she would be treated better than other women in India? I doubt it. Sometimes there can be a tendency to project these feelings of supposed superiority onto white women that are not even there; Unfortunately, there are black women who really do believe that every white women is just walking around thinking her sh*t don't stank.
What I think the woman who went to India thought was what most women--black, white, or whatever think: "I'm going to follow the rules just like I was told to do and that will protect me from harassment." But unfortunately, when you live in a culture where there is an abundance of misogynist men, there really is no protection from abusive behavior. There have been several stories that I've heard of in India of women being gang raped on buses or in other public places to the point where the victim either dies from her injuries or commits suicide later.
Patriarchy is a real thing and its not just something feminists made up to scare women living in the Western world into joining the feminist movement.
1 year, 1 month ago on Pakistan, Afghanistan or Blackistan: For Women its All The Same
@SirLoinDeBeef @Neecy Gosh, I actually agree with you for a change. Maybe I need to go sleep this off.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on Why Women LOSE When They Select Mates Primarily on Looks
The randomness on my mind...1)So sad for Bobbi Kristina, and 2) I wish I didn't have to cut off the guy that I like, but he seems to be unable to get his act together.
1 month, 3 weeks ago on February First: Open thread
After watching some of the video I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that Frank's two or three chapters are titled "Just Don't Date A N*gga Like Me If You Want to Get Married", Parts 1, 2, and maybe 3?
2 months ago on When IBM Nonsense Doesn’t Go Over Well with White America
Notice how he says a woman should cater to "her man" not "her HUSBAND"? Cause a woman should just roll out the red carpet for any dude that expresses any interest in her. :/
I saw that too. That was so cliche all I could do was roll my eyes.
So, out of the 8 black men who co-wrote this book 1 is married, one is divorced, and the rest have never married? And to top it all off, the one who is married is a Haitian immigrant, not even an AA black man? Jesus Fix It.
I'm no Azealia fan either and you pretty much summed up why. Ms. Banks is CONSTANTLY saying something misogynistic or hateful or just plain ridiculous on twitter. When I heard that Ms. Banks had attacked TI's wife--unprovoked--in such an ugly fashion I knew then that this was not a woman that I wanted to get behind in any way, shape, or fashion. Azealia just wants to replace Iggy as female rapper du jour and then once she gets the spot she'll just use it to continue to spew gutter language and misogyny towards other women.
3 months ago on The Battle of the Azealias: Who Gets Mocked, Who Gets Protected.
I think Azealia needs a hug too. She reminds me of the dark-skinned girl protagonist of The Bluest Eye. She is being destroyed from the outside by the forces that are aligned against her and she is being destroyed from the inside by her own misguided but earnest thinking.
"The rap game was never set up to help any woman win.
As such, AB needs to catch a clue now rather than later and stop trying to beat her head against the brick wall that is the color-struck, black woman-hating rap industry."
Azealia Banks is fighting to die on the wrong mountain.
I've never hear either Iggy Azalea claiming that white people invented rap or seen/heard Miley Cyrus saying white people invented twerking.
From what I've seen, these white artists who perform art that was invented by black people know full well where that art came from. It's institutionalized racism and the quiet racism that exists in the hearts of many people that allows white people to get famous doing stuff that black people are either castigated for or ignored.
@Sfbta 10 days?! It's been much longer than that. About 2-3 months. I'm going to force myself to start back up in January.
3 months, 1 week ago on Leona’s Love Quest OK, Cupid Tap Me Out: I’m Done with Online Dating
@Shun000208 I'm taking a break from the online dating scene. I think I'll try it again next year.
Tinder DEFINATELY attracts a lot of guys looking for hookups. I went out with one guy that I met on there; turned out be a total disaster. Another I talked too and he seemed really great but his schedule was too crazy and he lived too far away--I never met him because it just didn't seem like good idea to continue to talk to someone who lived that far away.
The guy who was a disaster was 35 years old. And he was also Indian. Seems really similar to your guy #3.
@SirLoinDeBeef @Jamila What exactly is "regret-rape"? I have no idea what that even is.
3 months, 3 weeks ago on The Official Bill Cosby (Alleged) Rape/Rant Thread…
Looking funny at someone is not a justification for lynching them. Even if all of those white women were telling the truth that doesn't justify lynching.
Even if an old woman is caught muttering funny words or suffering from mental illness or engaging in black magic, that doesn't justify hanging her.
Your comparison of the Salem witch trials/hanging to Cosby's situation is apples to oranges.
"Though it’s easy to dismiss over a dozen women who came forward..."
And this is the really sad part, this is why so many women don't come forward about being raped...because so many people find it so easy to dismiss women who say that they've been raped or otherwise taken advantage of in a sexual fashion by men.
I ABSOLUTELY, UNEQUIVOCALLY believe Bill Cosby to be a rapist and predator of women. Over a dozen women have come forward--some claiming rape, some claiming more benign sexual misconduct--to say that Bill Cosby took advantage of them. I don't believe that over a dozen women, women who don't all know each other, women of all ages, women who are black, women who are white, are all in cahoots to "bring a good black man down."
I don't think you did anything wrong by telling that guy how you felt, even if you did so in a very emotional way. We are human beings and that means that sometimes we cry, sometimes we're hurt, sometimes we're scared, and sometimes we need to talk about our feelings. Mature adults understand that other people have feelings too. A guy who only wants to deal with you when you are all "happy, happy, joy, joy" is basically saying he doesn't want to deal with a real woman who has real feelings and behaves like a real human being.
As we both read in Attached, not everyone has the same ability to be open and honest and deeply intimate.
4 months, 1 week ago on Leona’s Love Quest: Taking the Fear out of Relationship Failures
"I dont see whats wrong with expressing anger at having to listen to someone elses dating voes and being frienzoned. Women are too often told that any emotional ouburst is going to "push the frigile man creature away" and that feeling upset is "bad" or needy. No its not. Its a human thing and its normal. Men who can not handle any emotions apart from aloof, uniterested and super independent are a bit dbr. Nothing you ever do will be enough for them"
I second this whole paragraph. To have feelings is to be human.
@itsgoodtobeme @Jamila I've always heard really good things about Spelman and the caliber of women that attend there. I also think that Morehouse men have a pretty good reputation too. Morehouse and Spelman are two of the few remaining HBCU's that actually have good academic reputations.
But back to Spelman...my daughter is really interested in computers and video games and Spelman has a world-class robotics team.
"The SpelBots made history in 2005 as the first all-female, all African-American undergraduate team to qualify and compete in the International RoboCup four-legged robot soccer competition. In another history-making moment, the Spelbots tied for first place in the RoboCup Japan 2009 Standard Platform League Nao League humanoid soccer championship. The SpelBots also visited Washington, D.C., to attend an Education Technology Showcase to demonstrate their robots to U.S. senators and the director of the National Science Foundation. Spelman was one of 21 schools, and the only historically Black college or university, selected to showcase their technology." (http://www.spelman.edu/academics/majors-and-programs/computer-science/spelbots-robotics-team)
4 months, 1 week ago on Latest Foot-In-Mouth Cuisine Highlights How the BC Blames Black Women for Everything.
@SirLoinDeBeef @Law Wanxi
Hey, you guys! I've been around, just been real quiet. Working full-time at one job; I just got a promotion and I'll be starting the new position with the same employer on Monday. I'm preparing to apply for a joint degree program--MBA/MSW--which enrolls next year. I've been dating but that's been going horribly so I've refocused my energies on work/school stuff/family.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: the only historically black college my daughter would be allowed to attend is Spelman. The end.
4 months, 2 weeks ago on Latest Foot-In-Mouth Cuisine Highlights How the BC Blames Black Women for Everything.
This is such an awesome comment. I've been coming back to it and reading it again and again over the last few days.
4 months, 3 weeks ago on So…Street Harassment is Important Now That White Women Are the Focus?
Thanks SirLoin and EarthJeff! I've missed yall too. I still read all the time, I just haven't been commenting nearly as much.
5 months, 1 week ago on Listen Ladies! If You’re Going to Complain About How “Black Men Hate You” While Scoffing at Expanding Your Options…Then You’re Just Begging.
I can't take another black women lamenting the fact that random black men who don't even know her care nothing about her. I tried to read her article, really, I did. I read the first paragraph--I'm guessing she is NOT married to the BLACK MALE father of her child?????--and then I started to speed read and then finally my eyes glazed over and I couldn't finish it. Doing your best Harpo routine--"Until you do right by me, black man, ain't nothing you do gone ever turn out right!"--hasn't been working for black women thus far, so why would it work now?
I just CANT with these women anymore.
I'm broke than a joke right now, but as soon as I get paid I'm making a donation. Geez, I guess it would be too easy for people to just leave the FB page if they don't like what's being said there, but that must be too much like right to make sense to them.
5 months, 2 weeks ago on Beyond Black & White Fan Page is Under Attack Again. Time to Go to War.
I took the test and it turns out I'm anxious--something that I already knew. My relationships have mostly been with--surprise!--avoidants. I requested this book at the library but my most recent act of "acting out" with someone I really like occurred before the book arrived, so I ordered it on Amazon this last week, got it in the mail yesterday. So far so good.
It's funny that you wrote about this book, Leona, because I've been spending the last few weeks really working on my anxious tendencies. I'm also reading The Mindful Way Through Anxiety by Orsillo and Roemer.
Another good review of the book (http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2014/06/11/relationshipstrategies/avoid-this-attachment-style-in-dating/). The comments are informative too.
5 months, 3 weeks ago on Leona’s Love Quest: Is Your Attachment Style Hindering Your Chance at Love?
Glad to see you too, onmywayup!
I missed the community. :)
6 months, 1 week ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.
You know what the easiest way is to tell what a man wants from you? Just ask him. I've found that when I just come right out and ask a man what he's looking for, 99% of them have been honest and told me the truth. I think that oftentimes we women don't ask because we already know the guy isn't looking for more, but as long as we don't come right out and put the question on the table we can continue to delude ourselves.
Remember, if you're afraid to come right out and ask a man where you stand with him then rest assured that you already know what answer he's going to give you--you just don't want to hear it.
And change starts with you. Ask yourself why you are willing to settle for so little. I'm re-reading an excellent book about dating right now, "Boundaries In Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. The book is a Christian title but you can modify it for your own needs, just ignore the stuff that is particular to Christianity.
6 months, 2 weeks ago on “Did This White Guy Use Me for Sex?” Yeah; Probably. But Not Because You’re Black.
@Statuesque I need to print this out and keep it with me.
Her booty could be better. But I'm super envious of her abs.
8 months, 2 weeks ago on Caption This. ESPN, The Body Issue.
@Christelyn @tmitmi3344 And I have yet to meet the man who wants a crazy, ugly, unsuccessful woman with a bunch of kids.
10 months, 1 week ago on She’s Beautiful. She’s Successful. She’s Childless. She’s Not Crazy. So Why Is Misee Harris Single?
@kiki100 "So married black women are living alone now? "
I've read stats on this before. A not insignificant number of married black people are actually separated--legally and not legally-- and living in separate homes. Blacks have lower marriage rates and higher divorce rates than other groups, and since most couples stop living together before the divorce is actually finalized its not surprising that many "married" people are actually single.
10 months, 3 weeks ago on Femininity Series Part II: Why Black Women Aren’t Happier When They’re Pregnant