Steve Rice
United States
- 63 comments
- 17 likes given
- 51 likes received
I am a speaker, writer and entrepreneur. Follow me at @sparkbook or @stevenerice
LOVE the "behind the scenes" thoughtfulness of this post. You make so many great points about talking to the audience (instead of talking to each other--as bloggers/biz peeps). They have the power. They drive the engine. We are merely conductors of the orchestra...and when it all comes together, the symphony touches us.
I especially loved your comment about your reason for doing it...so we (the audience) would pay attention...not so you could get attention....BIG, awesome, hairy distinction.
You succeeded. You have made me think of my own business as I build it...what I want and what I don't want. It made me think about ethics and how I want to treat everyone with whom I come into contact.
It has also made me think deeply about how we--all of us--can not only engage in this wonderful paradigm shift in online business, but how we can actually re-frame the fundamentals and re-write the rules...in a real way.
My word for today is content. It's not what I always experience, but it's what I am when I allow myself to be still in the moment without dreading the future or resenting the past.
This was so inspiring, Shenee. I'm a new follower (found you through @uncommonchick ...when she suggested your post about hyperbole and bs...can't remember the title, but I def took your advice and de-bs'd my site the best I could! It's definitely more clear). So grateful for your energy and biz sense. Enjoying your e-mail list.
Keep up the great work. You're an inspiration!
Lori,
I am grieving with you and your family. I am holding you up in love and prayer. I'm just sick to my stomach right now.
Sending love to you and your husband and daughter.
-Steve
@Late_Bloomers @Vidya Sury Interesting point. That's the difficulty with the ego...it is never satiated...even when it has become bloated and lethargic by its feeding, it always needs to be fed at the trough of validation.
@Vidya Sury @rshin @Late_Bloomers I agree with you, Vidya. This conversation is so much more insightful than the original post, and has spawned such amazing conversation that it's a breath of fresh air. It really has made me think about some important things.
@rshin Great point about knowing one's self in a way to know all others. Kinda fits with what the Course in Miracles presents in the principle that whatever we give to others, we give to ourselves and what we withhold from others, we withhold from ourselves.
@rshin @Late_Bloomers @Vidya Sury Wow this is a really great perspective on love. Existentially (and theoretically), I believe that Love is all that there is. Love is the only truth, and everything else is a shadow.
So as you point out, if this is true (to me), then Love Is...period. It just is. Any conditions are merely defenses we construct to protect ourselves from the power and beauty that we fear most (true, unconditional Love).
Wow...think I just had an epiphany. Thanks!
@Late_Bloomers @Vidya Sury Thanks so much! I really enjoy the hangouts too, though I haven't been able to make the last few as my schedule has changed.
You highlight a really important skill--letting go of one's expectations. This is REALLY hard for people. (read really hard for me! LOL)
I think it comes from something I saw emphasized on Oprah's network on Sunday. I have to be willing to be wrong. Giving up the "right" to make someone else wrong and myself right is a challenge, but shows real emotional and spiritual maturity.
But, as you point out, when you've functioned in a role for so long (as adviser)...or under the expectations of a role, it can be hard to step back and redefine that role based on what the other person in the relationship really needs from us. Ego's often there fighting all the way, isn't it?
(BTW, hope you get through don Miguel's work...really insightful)
@TheJackB Hmmm...that's an interesting one, Jack. I wonder what their expectation is of you...that you'd just go along, and never challenge them? (From our conversations, I can't imagine you this docile little lamb...lol) Sounds to me that this might be more about them...but that's not to say there aren't changes you can make in communication with that person.
Ultimately, I think you're right. You have to be uber-clear on your values and then be strong to say, "no thank you" when they want to set their values up as more important or paramount to yours.
@rshin Thank you so much. I'm glad the post connected with you.
You bring up a good point about knowing someone else, when all we know is our ego facade.
You make such good points about knowing ourselves. Along with allowing ourselves to know--truly know--ourselves (and then others), we often struggle to be kind and gracious with ourselves.
I know I have struggled in the past with being okay with my mistakes and trusting my own intuition and instinct.
The key really is "to thine own self be true". It also goes back to the biblical advice to remove the beam from our eye before we pick at the speck in another's. I have learned, that if I focus on me, the rest seems to fall into place.
When I change the way I look at things, the things (and way I look at people) changes...and I generally get different responses from others.
@Sabrina at MyMiBoSo Thanks so much! It was a great honor to fill in for Lori while she's enjoying time away.
You're 100% right! It's all about expectations.
I think you hit the nail on the head...it really is about learning to 1) recognize expectations that may be hidden and 2) release them, trusting that life unfolds exactly as it is meant to.
I know in my own life, I have struggled with feeling the need to "make things happen" through resistance and sheer force. But I usually end up disappointed and frustrated when circumstances unfold chaotically.
Trust is a big one
@StaceyMJHughes @Yvonne Root - Good point, Stacey. I use a guideline that has helped me over the years. If another person's estimation of me or my abilities is higher than that I hold for myself, I adopt it until mine is greater. If it is lower, I tend to hold on to my estimation as long as it serves me.
But I try to limit my interaction with people who are that negative.
@StaceyMJHughes @Julie | A Clear Sign - Well, I don't always exercise that control, but I try to put a process in place to help me identify the real issue. Takes some of the drama out.
I once heard Tony Robbins say that the quality of one's life is determined by the quality of one's questions. These 2 (stated above) have helped me to drastically improve the quality of my relationships, and therefore, my life.
Plus, stopping to consider what it's really about and what's really happening gives me a little more time between stimulus and response...and that's nearly always a good idea. :)
@Vidya Sury Thanks so much for stopping by. You make some really great points, and I think that the idea of unconditional love is one that @StaceyMJHughes had brought up in another comment response. I don't know if absolute unconditional love exists (I want to believe that it does), but either way, learning to set aside my expectations has really helped me to have more healthy relationships.
Ego is a nasty obstacle...as you have pointed out. Having the difficult conversation is so hard sometimes. I tend to avoid confrontation, and so it is hard for me to go against my nature and initiate a tough conversation.
@Julie | A Clear Sign I love this idea--of the mirror! I hold the belief that everything in our external experience is a reflection of what's happening internally! Our relationships are no exception.
Personally, I try to stop back when I'm feeling triggered and ask this question: "What's really happening here?" and "What does this mean?"
Those 2 questions have saved me a world of hurt from flying "off the handle".
@Rileyhar Brilliant! Feelings guide us. I know for myself, I often ignore or overlook my feelings...to my peril. If I had paid better attention, I could have saved myself so much worry! :)
@bdorman264 Thanks, Bill! Appreciate the support. This analogy (of the dog) is one that don Miguel Ruiz uses in a follow up book to the Four Agreements, entitled "The Mastery of Love".
I think your point of making balanced expectations is important. Perhaps equally important is communicating our needs, desires and expectations. That, I have found, can be the trickiest part.
@Yvonne Root Wow...what a dramatic example, Yvonne. I'm so sorry it took such pain to learn this lesson.
I think a lot of us do this...I certainly have. I have a certain image of someone and interact with that image instead of entering a relationship with the "real" them. The greatest reward in life (in my opinion) is to be in relationship with someone and be able to say truthfully, "Even if you never change one thing, you are enough, just how you are and I love you."
@Mark_Harai Thanks so much, Mark! Haha...I love this: "I can be a real donkey at times"! I know what you mean about being driven...we want things to unfold exactly as we have envisioned them...if not, we tend to get a little worked up (at least I do). Glad that this post connected.